Original subtitles

[beeping noise]

[theme music]

[explosion sound]

[suspenseful music]

[alarm sound]

Ah!

That's impossible.

[school bell sounds]

So are we studying tonight, Sam?

Sounds great.

Remembering to bring your books, your pencils,

and some popcorn and a movie.

Movie, great.

What time should I be there?

SAM: Hola, amigos.

Everyone, this is Juan.

He's a transfer student from Spain.

What is it, a new flavor of fat free Froyo?

Ah!

Juan is the captain of the Jai alai team.

Not only is he majorly cute and athletic,

but he doesn't speak any English.

In a word, he's perfect.

I'm so happy for you guys.

Your honeys are such hotties, ha.

(UNISON) Ah.

But cheer up, Alex.

You'll find a nice guy.

CLOVER: Yeah, he could be just around the corner.

ALEX: Ah.

Oh.

Huh.

[squeal]

[laughter]

Um.

[tinkling chimes]

Wow, hi, I'm available.

I mean, I'm Alex.

Ha, ow.

Ah, guess I'm just meant to be alone.

Don't worry about me.

You can go back to your boyfriends.

JUAN: Hey.

OK.

OK.

Who needs a boyfriend anyway?

I can Stand on my own two feet.

I don't need a-- ah!

Uh.

Uh.

Ah.

[rock music]

Oh, sorry.

My day just keeps getting worse and worse.

I know how you feel.

Reminds me of a poem.

Her hair was dark--

[thunder]

--like dead tree's bark.

Feel the pain.

[bird caw]

Oh whooping crane.

Wow, that was so deep.

I knew you'd understand.

You should come to our poetry club.

We call ourselves The Somber Society.

We're Having a meeting in the school basement.

Hey, that sounds like fun.

I mean, it sounds sad and poetic.

Buenas tardes, Juan.

Oo.

[laughter]

SAM: [gasp]

CLOVER: Oo.

Hey, guys.

This is Seth.

He took me to his poetry club.

-

SETH: Like a flower floating in a sewer,

my heart reeks for Alex.

That is such a thoughtful poem.

[laughter] Mind if we borrow Alex for a sec?

ALEX: Ah.

I guess I'll be waiting over here, eternally alone.

OK, I know you want a boyfriend,

but you could be a little pickier.

This poem will explain it all.

Seth wrote it for me.

My world was empty.

Oh, world of garbage, blech to you.

(UNISON) Ah!

Ew.

Oh, hello girls.

I'm afraid we have a major crisis on our hands.

CLOVER:

And I have someone's lunch on my hands.

Couldn't you come up with a less disgusting way to get us here?

ALEX: Yeah. SAM: Yeah.

G.L.A.D.I.S.: Luckily, I've been programed to enforce WOOHP's

high standards of hygiene.

In the past two weeks, four high security military bases

have been infiltrated.

What makes this case so sensitive

is that the bases are in different countries--

the United States, China, France, and Russia.

If we don't solve this case soon,

the nations involved may start blaming each other.

So once again, the fate of the world is in our hands.

A good thing those hands are clean.

Now, come get your gadgets.

[machine noises]

JERRY: Flashlight rings recently equipped

with a revelation beam that can illuminate things

that the human eye can't see.

Maybe we can use it to find out what Alex could

possibly see in poetry boy.

[laughter]

Extendable rod mascara.

It's waterproof, and it can throw a net 20 yards.

This eau de grenade releases super concentrated essence

of sweet Egyptian rose hip.

G.L.A.D.I.S.: And the piece de resistance,

high-density breath freshener.

Yeah, and that's in case the bad guys force us

to eat really garlicky pizza?

G.L.A.D.I.S.: Very funny.

When combined with the heat of a human mouth,

this spray produces a massive spearmint-scented smoke screen.

Any questions?

What happens to the souls of dead flowers?

(UNISON) [sigh]

I'll have to look into that one.

One more thing--

Russian soldiers don't dress like that.

Got it covered.

Excellent.

Now, go ahead and save the world, spies.

ALEX: Let's do it.

[helicopter sound]

[yawn]

[helicopter sound]

CLOVER: Uh. SAM: Ah.

ALEX: Uh.

[booted footsteps]

Boy, this place is cold like the rest

of the empty, uncaring universe we live in.

Oo, not bad.

Ugh.

Get over yourself, goth girl.

Let's tap into their surveillance system.

ALEX: Uh, what's with that glowing blob?

SAM: I don't know, but whatever it was, it went this way.

I'm not going out there.

What if someone sees me in this unflattering outfit?

Ah!

Hm.

SAM: Whoa.

Hm.

It's some sort of biological residue.

Let's see when Jerry makes of this.

At least we can follow the trail inside and warm our feet,

if not our frozen souls.

[beeping noise]

SAM: Come on.

[grunting]

ALEX: Ah.

SAM: Uh.

Look, seems like the intruder knew exactly

what it was looking for.

Computers, spiritless, heartless computers, just

like mother nature.

Hey, think Seth will like that one?

[oozing sound]

CLOVER: Looks like the intruder was small enough to crawl

in here and steal memory chips.

No wonder the soldiers couldn't stop it.

They probably couldn't see it.

[alarm sound]

Ah.

[gasp] What is this?

Some sort of Russian disco?

Uh, what was that?

SAM: Ah.

CLOVER: Uh.

Uh.

Something that doesn't want us here.

[insect buzzing]

Ah.

Ah!

Hiyah!

This thing isn't fighting fair.

Time to even the odds.

Gotcha.

Don't gotcha.

Like life itself, what just happened here

is a dark, brooding mystery.

CLOVER: Nice work, Alex.

Your poetry drove the attacker away.

SAM: We'd better get out of here.

[gasp]

SOLDIER: Get them!

[metal clanking sound]

[grunting]

ALL: Ah.

SOLDIER: Hey!

Woohoo!

[music playing]

The world is in danger, yet we sit here, waiting, waiting

for our beautiful demise.

But what else can we do?

We don't even know what attacked us at the military base.

[phone ringing]

ALL: [gasp]

Hola, Juan.

ALEX AND SAM: [sigh]

You what?

Ah.

Ah, he said, te quiero.

He loves me.

How sweet.

Aaron once told me that I was the Einstein of beauty.

Hey, Alex, what's the most romantic thing

Seth has ever said to you?

Um, let me see.

[squishing noise]

I need more black paint to finish your walls.

I'll get some.

Thanks for darkening my life.

Ah.

OK, time for an intervention.

Alex, this goth stuff is so not you.

Clover is right.

I mean no offense, but black is definitely not your color.

CLOVER: Eh.

[screaming]

ALEX: Cockroaches.

[screaming]

SAM: Gross.

Seth probably brought them over.

Yeah, he's so depressing that only bugs

will hang out with him.

He's a gritty, suburban poet with

darkly delicate sensibilities.

He's not a slob.

ALL: Whoa!

Sorry, Alex.

I spilled some-- huh?

She's gone.

Oh, I knew she'd leave me.

Why must I suffer so for my art?

Hmm.

[screaming]

Thanks, Jer.

You just rescued us from a swarm of roaches.

Well, don't look now, girls, but I think you were tailed.

[screaming]

G.L.A.D.I.S.

G.L.A.D.I.S.: Come to mama.

Analyzing.

The roach matches the residue collected at the military base.

That means the memories chips were stolen by bugs?

Strange, but apparently true.

This footage was taken outside the military base

on the night of the break-in.

The van was rented by a pest control

expert named, Max Exterminus.

I suggest you girls visit his headquarters.

Um, how about we just instant message the guy?

[clears throat]

Please?

I really hate bugs.

Then no doubt you'll enjoy fighting them.

CLOVER: Ew!

Ech.

Maybe we can find a clue that will

tell us why an exterminator needs military secrets.

Give me some light.

ALEX: Got it.

Ew.

OK, I've seen enough.

There's nothing here.

Can we please leave?

Maybe there's something in--

[gasp]

Hard to imagine how this could get any more disgusting.

[sound of bugs crawling]

Ah!

[screaming] Uh.

Oh.

Eh.

[screaming]

It's almost like someone trained these bugs.

[buzzing]

SAM: They definitely don't want us anywhere near that computer.

[buzzing]

Ah, it's a blizzard of bugs.

We need to see what's on the computer.

Hah! [grunts]

He's been working on some kind of genetic code.

But I thought he was stealing military secrets?

SAM: Ah, there's got to be a connection somewhere.

[gasp] Guys, I suggest you look down.

Are those termites?

[screaming]

This is mega weird.

It looks like a hotel room.

The room service menu is blank.

Ah!

[squishing sound]

Guys.

It's like we're in a human-sized roach motel.

ALL: [gasp]

[gasp]

ALL: Ah!

Welcome to my humble insectarium.

Looks like we found our exterminator.

Yes, I once was an exterminator,

but it was a waste of time.

I realized I couldn't kill all of the bugs in my neighborhood,

never mind all of the bugs in the word.

And since I couldn't beat them--

Let me guess, you joined them.

No!

I lead them!

[maniacal laughter] I found a way to synthesize

insect DNA with human DNA.

I've been injecting myself with it.

Since bugs respect size, I have become king of the insects.

Charming.

You must be a real hit with the ladies.

So you had the bugs you control

break into the military installations.

My swarm has stolen top secret data

that has allowed me to create a bug venom filled rocket.

That reminds me of a poem.

Ugh.

Your venom fills my world.

My world is venomized.

When I disperse the venom into the Earth's jet stream,

the only survivors will be my bus and me.

[laughter] But every king needs a queen.

You remind me of the queen of all insects,

the black widow spider.

You're dark, leggy, and I'm sure quite dangerous.

It's just a look I'm trying out to impress a boy.

Ah!

Uh.

This is my bug-maker.

It injects mega doses of insect DNA

to reconstruct your body chemistry.

Soon you'll be my insect queen.

Ah!

Guys, I could really use some help here.

Hey, pick on someone from your own species.

You know, I've been so busy today I forgot to feed my bugs.

So why don't you two feed them for me?

CLOVER: Ew.

Dig in, my friends.

[screaming]

SAM: Ow.

ALEX: Let me go.

I'm starting to feel weird.

Ah, we've got out own problems, Alex.

Man, I really hate bugs.

Well, we don't like you either.

[whimpering] Ah!

I've dreamt of this night for a long time.

Soon we will control every insect in the world.

[maniacal laughter]

[buzzing] - Oo.

Uh.

We've got to get out of here before we become a bug buffet.

Wait, I have an idea.

Uh.

Nice throw, Sam.

You totally missed them.

No, I didn't.

Bugs are attracted to sweet smells.

It will distract them long enough

for us to get out of here.

CLOVER: [grunting] Wait, my boots.

Ah.

Those were limited addition Vespuccis.

WOOHP better replace them.

I tell you what, first we get Alex.

Then we save the world.

Then we think about getting your some new boats.

MAX EXTERMINUS: The time has come, my swarm.

Soon the world will be ours.

[maniacal laughter]

ALEX: Let me go, maggot breath.

Don't fight it.

One day we'll tell our larva about how we met.

[whimpering] Please, get that image out of my head.

Hah.

Exterminate them!

Incoming.

We could use a really big fly swatter right now.

Ah!

MAX EXTERMINUS: Excuse me, my queen.

I have to go destroy the real pests.

Don't leave me.

Don't leave me.

That's no way to treat your queen.

If we stay in here any longer, we're going

to get a major case of cooties.

Uh, there's not enough time to battle them all.

We'll have to out-fly them.

If you wanted to fly, you would have wings.

[screaming]

Don't worry.

I got your back.

Don't worry, my brood.

Nothing shall stop us from ruling this world.

In a few moments, we shall unleash the venom.

What?

Do you know how long this is going to take to wax?

Don't fret, my queen.

All bugs have hairy legs.

Then you better turn me back.

But you're perfect the way you are.

A couple days ago, I was just about desperate enough to fall

for a line like that one.

Good news.

In a few seconds, we'll be over some huge abandoned nickel

mines.

It's time to get rid of Max and his rocket

before he releases that bug venom into the air.

Hold on, I have an idea.

Don't worry, my swarm.

We're so close.

Stay on target.

We're almost at the jest stream.

I just remembered something.

Bugs hate smoke.

It disorients them.

Hey, Alex, you should really do something

about your bug breath.

Here.

ALEX: Hey, Max, how can I be your queen

if we haven't even kissed yet?

MAX EXTERMINUS: Whoa!

Oh.

Oh.

What have you done, my queen?

Get this straight, bug boy.

I am so not your queen.

And if I were you, I'd think about dropping the bomb.

Ah.

No.

I won't let go of my precious rocket.

This is my life's work.

[explosion sound]

SAM: Puyah. ALEX: All right.

CLOVER: Yee haw.

Bullseye.

Ew, talk about combination skin.

I was once your queen, you know.

SAM: Hey, we just saw Seth over at the mall.

CLOVER: How come he doesn't come around anymore?

Uh, when the bug DNA wore off, I was so happy

that it freaked him out.

He said my happiness was ruining his image.

Anyway, I found somebody new.

Ready to put up the paper, honey.

BOTH: Huh?

Guys, this is Bed Head.

He's a stand-up comic.

Hey, fun to meet you.

[zap noise] - Ow!

[laughter]

Gets them every time.

Hehe.

Isn't he fun?

We're covering the black paint in my room with this.

CLOVER: Uh, it's an improvement, sort of.

[laughter] Hey, check it out.

My phone has call wetting.

Ha ha, do you get it? Call wetting.

[laughter]

It's because it's water.

[laughter]

We are so picking her next boyfriend.

Definitely.

Hmm, don't see anything wrong with dating non-jock-type guys.

I mean, opposites attract, and goth

is like totally opposite me.

But I mean, still cool, you know, in that dark, weird--

SAM: Depressing way.

Thank you, Sam.

I mean, who can wear black every day,

especially when Clover's got the hottest

new pair of powder blue boots I can borrow.

Mmhmm.

[laughter]