Original subtitles

[theme music]

[explosion]

[music playing]

[cameras snapping]

[cheering]

[beeping]

Ooh, love the old-school gladiator gear, guys.

But good luck lugging that body armor down the catwalk.

[laughs]

[beeping]

Yeah, well, break an arm out there.

Or-- or is it a leg?

Hey!

What the-- [scream]

[beeping]

[music playing]

It's gotta be here, no way I'd lose something so important.

It's gotta be here, no way I'd lose something so important.

[sighs]

ALEX: Ugh!

Out of my way, Sammy!

Major crisis in progress, I can't

find my tangerine tank top!

And I can't find my jean skirt!

[gasps]

BOTH: Clover!

Hiyah!

Hm.

Hm?

Hey, where's the clothes-napper?

I don't know, but I am not waiting to find out.

[music playing]

You sure you want to do this?

I mean, shouldn't we wait until she comes back?

Do you want your tank top or not?

Ugh.

Let's roll.

Huh?

If only we could channel into Clover's mind

and read her thoughts, then we'd know if she took our stuff.

Huh?

[squeak]

Ah, maybe we can!

Well, judging from the hiding spot,

I'm guessing she didn't want us to know.

I suppose I probably should maybe put it back.

Agreed.

It's the right thing to do.

[gasp] The stinky stench of Alex's sweaty Pilates pants

reeks like raw sewage?

Sam's habit of off-key shower-singing is so hideous it

noise pollutes the whole house?

BOTH: I can't believe she wrote that about me!

CLOVER: I can't believe you read my diary!

I mean, what is up with you two destroying my room

and violating my privacy?

I would never do that!

Oh no?

Where did you get that tank top?

And that jean skirt?

Well-- [exasperated gasps] don't change the subject!

Now give me my diary!

[grunting]

Give me my jean skirt!

Give me my tank top!

[fighting and screaming]

[interposing voices]

I'm seriously serious!

Hand it over! Ugh!

Why?

Got some more dirt to dish on us?

[grunt] - Ah!

Be careful!

Don't get it--

[screaming]

Mine!

[screaming]

JERRY: [giggling]

[screaming]

[splash]

Wet!

Ugh!

Happy now?

My diary is soaked!

[clears throat] Sorry to interrupt the ladies wrestling,

but we've got more pressing concerns.

There's been a disappearance of several men of note

from around the world.

The first is--

[gasps]

That's super-cute super-model Tai!

Right.

Our next missing male is--

Ken R Knightly, a totally VIP VJ!

If you say so.

And finally, there's-- well, why don't you

just tell me who he is.

[gasps]

JRL Junior, the dashing junior senator from Massachusetts.

Who knew you were so political.

Now, what these captives all have in common is--

I know!

I know!

They're TFTL!

ALL: Totally Famous Totally Luscious!

[screams]

Oops, brain cramp, just remembered we're in the middle

of a hate-fest.

[scoff] Anything else to go on before we-- we go on?

JERRY: Just this.

SAM: I can't make out who Tai's captors are.

So what do we do with this 411, Jere?

GLADIS: Warning, a vehicle of unknown origin

has been spotted on en route to Kangaroo Point, Australia.

Make that a 911!

Kangaroo Point, Australia?

Skate legend, Tony Eagle, is shooting

his latest flick there!

[gasp] I bet the kidnappers are riding their mystery vehicle

to take him.

If that's the case, then I'd better

have GLADIS give you the equipment to hunt

down this unknown nemesis ASAP.

[music playing]

GLADIS: [inaudible] zero gravity boots.

[giggling]

Sonic Disintegrator Boombox.

And for the fashion-conscious spy

in need of withstanding a force of 100,000

megatons, the Brute Suit.

Better let Clover have that one, Al.

You're right.

I wouldn't want to stink it up like my Pilates clothes.

You guys know me so well.

It's as if you read my diary!

Hm.

Well, at least we didn't steal your--

[screams]

[music playing]

Get ready to rock, guys.

By my math, we should be there any--

[screaming]

--second.

[scream]

AMY AND SAM: What's wrong?

Oh, it's more like what's right!

[music playing]

Oh--

Can you believe Tony Six-Pack is an eight-pack in real life?

[gasp] Lucky we got here before he was ab-ducted!

[giggling]

Get it?

Ab-ducted!

Save your lame jokes for your lame diary.

[horse whinnies]

Uh, guys, I think we just found our mystery vehicle.

Funky, wonder who's driving it?

I'm thinking them!

[grunting]

And they're going after Tony!

We've got to stop those gladiators, pronto!

Hm.

I'm on it!

[grunting]

And trust me, this sound is gonna blow their minds!

[rumbling]

[grunt]

What happened to the gladiators?

Nothing!

Look!

[rumbling]

CLOVER: Huh?

[grunts]

[music playing]

But I thought not human could withstand the boombox blast!

CLOVER: I don't think it's human, Alex!

[screams]

Uh, why do I smell burnt hair?

You don't want to know!

Incoming!

[scream]

[gasp]

[music playing]

No!

[grunt]

[screams]

I've seen some messed up robot gladiators in my time--

wait, no I haven't.

Help!

Ah!

Tony!

No!

Not Tony!

No!

[scream]

[sniffling]

If we weren't in a big, fat fight over the diary thing,

we'd totally console you.

What a totally useless mission!

We lost the skater boy and the bad guys!

Something tells me we haven't seen the last of either.

[gasp]

It's one of the gladiators, must have fallen off his loincloth.

Better send it back to WOOHP for analysis.

Hm.

[music playing]

ALEX: I'm so not hungry.

Me neither.

I mean, who could possibly eat knowing some weird,

robot gladiators abducted all those innocent guys.

I wonder what they want them for?

I don't know.

The whole thing sounds completely crazy to me.

Speaking of crazy, I'm in the bathroom stall

and what do I see?

A vicious lie about me dying my hair!

[giggling]

How could you write that?

Who said I wrote it?

It was signed sincerely, Alex.

You signed your name?

Well, whatever.

Maybe next time you'll watch what

you write about me in your diary.

[gasp] My private diary entries are a far cry from

public displays of humiliation!

Ha!

My latest column, read it and weep.

Clover's secrets revealed.

Clover uses the cap of her pen to clean her ear?

Clover's fur purse is a total fake?

[gasp] Dish the dirt on me, fine.

But dis my accessories?

[grunt]

[scream]

Now it's personal.

Spill it, Mandy!

Where did you get this trash?

Aw, sorry, a reporter never reveals her sources.

[laughing]

Fan

Oh, and, Sam, thanks for the hot tip!

[laugh]

Ugh!

Well, think of it this way, now

you've got something interesting to write about in your diary.

CLOVER: Ugh!

That's it!

OK!

Now that is officially taking things too far!

This is war!

[phone rings]

Time out!

My X-Powder is ringing.

[music playing]

JERRY: Ladies, now, I have the results of the leaf analysis.

And is that a pea pod on your face?

Not any more.

Right.

Well, it seems the leaf you found

is derived from a plant indigenous

to a Mediterranean island called Proasis.

Proasis?

Hey, isn't that the private island

owned by trillionaire, techy-tycoon Phil Fences?

I swear, I saw it on "Lifestyles of the Insanely Rich."

Indeed.

Proasis was intended as his private vacation spot.

But because of his workaholic tendencies, he's rarely there.

Well, then I guess we have to invade Phil's privacy

and find out what's really going on.

Be careful.

There could be worse things than two robotic gladiators

on that island.

Chillax, Jere, when it comes to invading privacy,

Sam and Alex are total experts!

[music playing]

You sure WOOHP dropped us in the right place?

Positive.

This is so Proasis.

More like so Vegas.

ANNOUNCER (ON LOUDSPEAKER): Are you ready for the entertainment

extravaganza of a lifetime?

Well today is your lucky day because the greatest

show on the planet is about to begin!

Ooh!

Maybe it's a Boy Candy concert!

Let's go!

ALL: [gasps]

CROWD: Attack!

Attack!

[cheering and screaming]

[scream]

[gasp] That's not Boy Candy!

That's Tai!

In some kind of creepy thunderdome contraption.

Wonder what he's doing in there.

[cheering and screaming]

[gasp]

Does that answer your question?

[grunt]

[grunt]

[scream]

Help!

Help!

Get me out of here!

Mommy!

[crying]

If we don't hurry, those Robo-Gladiators are gonna

turn him into minced mono-meat!

Well, the only way to beat a gladiator

is to become a gladiator.

You mean gladiatorettes.

Exactly!

Now, you two distract the bad guys.

I'll save Tai.

ALEX AND CLOVER: Got it!

Oh-- oh please, Mr. Gladiator man, don't hurt your face.

[grunt]

[scream]

Don't worry, your face is in good hands.

Oh!

You saved my life!

Oh, thank you!

Thank you! Thank you!

[growling]

[screaming]

[music playing]

[cheering]

[scream]

[grunt]

Huh, now that's gotta hurt, even if you are robotic.

[gasp]

[buzzing and grunting]

[cheering]

Alex!

Clover!

Help!

Just a sec, little busy at the moment.

Yeah, busy getting our butts kicked!

Well, you know what they say-- if at first you don't succeed,

swing harder!

And if you don't succeed a second time?

Bail!

[buzzing]

[growling]

Nice move, spies!

Now hurry before Tai is history!

So, you think you're tough, huh?

[growling]

Guess they don't.

OK, why was that so easy?

[screams]

[music playing]

Where are we?

Some kind of freaky prison?

Um--

Oh!

If this is prison, I'll gladly take a life sentence!

So, what are you in for?

Something tells me this is worse than prison.

It looks more like a human zoo.

You're right.

We were all abducted.

And now we are, uh, being held against our, uh, will.

[gasp]

Not if I can help it.

[scream]

Don't worry, you won't be here for long.

Hey, I know you!

You're Felicity Fences!

I used to be, until my daddy made

me the princess of Proasis.

Yeah, the spoiled brat kind of princess.

True, my father has provided me with everything that

money can buy-- clothes, cars, jewelry--

but it's all so boring.

It is?

Yes, so I had him design these Robo-Gladiators

to chase down the world's most handsome

hunks for my collection.

And when my boy-toys bore me, I send them into the arena

for a little unfair fight.

That's totally insane!

As if hunks could ever be boring.

Clover!

You better let us all go right now if you know

what's good for you, Felicity!

Sorry.

Now that you ladies are here, I've decided

to kick things up a notch.

I bet you're just dying to know how.

Honestly, I'm not all that curious.

[laughing]

For my viewing pleasure, you'll

be facing my daddy's latest gift, the MagnaGlad 5000.

[gasps]

Huh?

[thud]

[beeping and buzzing]

Uh, question-- what exactly are we fighting for?

[laughing] Your lives.

EVERYONE: [gasp]

So what do we do now?

I don't know, Clover, maybe I should try and scare

it away with some singing. [laughing]

Ugh, a diary reference?

At at time like this?

[screams]

Easy, Mega-Thingy, you don't want to hurt me!

OK, so you do.

Help!

SAM: We're coming!

Don't worry, I'll free you!

Even if you were way mean to me.

Ugh!

OK, that is enough!

We need a major ceasefire so we can work

together and beat this beast!

Fine!

But I don't think unity alone is going to cut it.

I say it's body armor time!

Ah!

Good call!

[beeping]

Watch out!

[music playing]

[laughing]

[grunting]

[screaming]

It's working!

Way to take one for the team, Clover!

I'll get his attention.

You guys get in his head.

Yes!

You heard her, Alex!

It's time to mess with MagnaGlad's mind!

Time to steer this thing in the right direction!

Cool!

I'll drive!

Now way!

You're the worst driver ever!

On second thought, go for it!

What are you doing, you billion dollar bust!

Get those girls!

Get away from me!

I'll tell my daddy!

Put me down!

[scream]

Done and done.

[scream]

Bravo, ladies.

I'm pleased to see you put your differences aside

for the greater good--

ALL: [grunting]

--at least temporarily.

[music playing]

ALEX: Not so fast!

Ugh, please don't tell me this is still about my diary.

It is.

And we're sorry.

- You are? - Yeah.

We totally overreacted.

We know that just because you vented

doesn't mean that's how you feel about us all the time.

Besides, we read the sweet things you wrote about us too--

like how lucky you are to have best friends like us.

Oh, I am so psyched to hear you

guys are so understanding and--

ugh, wait, you read more of my diary!

We know!

It was wrong!

Which is why we got you this, a brand

new diary with a lock and key.

And, no, we didn't make copies.

Thanks girls.

And I meant what I wrote.

I am lucky to have best friends like you.

ALL: Aw.

Uh, OK, now that we're back to being best friends,

do me a solid, OK?

Ignore what you're about to see and hear.

CROWD: [screaming] Over there!

SAM (FROM BLIMP): (SINGING) I sing in the shower!

I sing in the shower!

ALEX: [gasp] My Pilates clothes!

SAM: [gasp] My singing!

ALEX AND SAM: Clover!

Uh, it's not my fault!

I didn't know we would make up this fast!

Forgive me!

[music playing]

Reading Clover's diary was so not cool of me.

And I feel really bad about it, so I put

my diary where she can find it.

You know, so she can read mine.

It's only fair.

And when she sees all the great things I wrote about her,

she's going to totally forgive me.

OK, so I exaggerated about her flawless skin,

her incredible wit, and her genius-like intelligence,

but Clover is a hard sell.

I put it right next to my calculus book

underneath my biology text behind my 19th century English

Lit anthology, she can't miss it!

Maybe I should put it under my pink, cashmere scarf.