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Welcome to Sheffield!
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The beating heart
of Britain's industrial North!
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The jewel in Yorkshire's crown
is home to over half a million people,
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and thousands more
flock here daily to shop and to work.
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All this is built on
Sheffield's primary industry,
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steel.
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The city's rolling mills, forges,
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and workshops employ some 90,000 men
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and state-of-the-art machinery
to make the world's finest steel.
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From high-tensile girders
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to the stainless cutlery
for your dining table.
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But it's not all hard work
for the people of Steel City.
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They can spend the day
lounging by the pool,
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watching one of our top soccer teams,
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or browsing in the shops.
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But when the sun goes down,
the fun really starts
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in the city's numerous
nightclubs and discotheques.
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Yes, Yorkshire folk know
how to have a good time!
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And it's good times
for the city's housing, too!
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Sheffield leads the way in town planning.
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Victorian slums have been cleared
to make way for the homes of the future.
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Thanks to steel,
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Sheffield really is
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a city on the move!
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Gaz, who's gonna buy a rusty girder?
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- Come on.
- Dad, it's stealing!
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No, it's liberating, love. Liberating.
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Gaz, hang on.
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Ten years we worked in 'ere. Now look.
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- What if we get caught?
- You don't get a criminal record till you're 16.
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- Just don't tell your mum.
- 'Ey, listen.
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Music.
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Bloody hell!
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- What are they doing?
- It's the works band. It's still going.
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About only thing round 'ere that is.
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'Ey up! Security guard's back.
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"Won't take a minute", he says.
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"Won't take a minute." Now what?
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Shut up. I'm thinking.
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Can't we do normal things sometimes?
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This is normal! In't it, Dave?
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Oh, aye. Everyday stuff, this.
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I think this bugger's sinking.
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Pick it up,
and try and slide it across other side.
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That's it.
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00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,901
Oh, fucking hell, Nathe!
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They're 20 quid each, them!
That were your bloody maintenance!
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- Oh, shit.
- Oh, nice one.
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Nathe!
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Nathan!
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00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:07,789
- Fucking hell!
- Come 'ere, come 'ere!
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Jesus! Stay still.
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Stay still, stay still.
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All right.
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00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:20,219
What's your initiative got to say
about this, then, bog eyes?
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'Ey up, there's someone coming.
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- All right?!
- Aye, not so bad.
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"Not so bad"?
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"Not so bad"?
That's not much of a chuffing SOS!
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00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,985
All right, don't get a benny on.
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Shit!
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Me jeans are bloody soaking!
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You should have taken your kit off.
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- What's up? Are you shy?
- Don't! Shut it, all right?
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'Ey up, Dave.
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00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,509
- All right, babe?
- Dad!
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00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:04,221
What do you reckon, Dave?
Eight? Maybe even a nine.
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00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:07,724
- You can never tell till you see their tits.
- Dad!
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00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:10,686
- What's all this?
- It's them Chippendale efforts.
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- You what?
- Them dancers. Mum were going on about it.
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Oh, you're joking!
She must be getting desperate.
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- You all waiting for me, then?
- Yeah! To go home.
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You know where to find me
when you tire of them poofs.
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- Dad!
- Come on, Gaz, I'm freezing.
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"Women only"?
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Cheeky buggers!
It's a bloody working-men's club!
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I mean, look at the state of that!
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What have you got to smile about?
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He's got no willy, for starters.
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00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,508
Nowt in a gym'll help you there, mate!
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No decent woman would
be seen dead in there.
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Jean would.
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Oh, Dave, what's going on?
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It's her money, innit?
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Fucking hell! You'll let some poof wave his
tackle at your missis?! Where's your pride?!
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She's already got you hoovering! I saw it
and I let it go! But this? No, no, no.
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00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:04,907
- Get her out of there.
- It's women only.
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00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:10,120
Hurry up, will you? Me feet have gone numb.
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00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:15,125
That's gratitude for you! We're riding
into Alley of Death for you, you fat git.
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00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,252
It's not my fault I can't fit through.
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Right, then. I'll wait 'ere and keep guard.
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Find Auntie Jean and tell her
Uncle Dave wants a word outside.
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- Do I have to?
- Good kid. On you go.
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Off! Off! Off!
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00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,798
I'm not waiting in that bloody queue.
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00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,384
I always wanted a nosy in the men's toilets.
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00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:07,553
Phwoar! Them bloody muscles!
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00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:10,681
It's not their bodies, Bee.
It's what they do with 'em.
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00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:14,810
I don't know what you're worrying about,
with you-know-who on your tail.
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00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:19,106
- # Frankie! Do you want my body?
- 'Ey, 'ey, 'ey!
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00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:23,151
Frank don't fancy me
and I don't fancy Frank, right? So give over!
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00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:27,281
Do you think he might, though?
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00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,662
No. Couldn't do that to Dave.
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00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,623
Not even if I wanted to.
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00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:40,669
But... you know, it's like he's given up.
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Work. Me. Everything.
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Ah, love.
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'Ere, love. This'll cheer you up.
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I weren't in Girl Guides for nowt!
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Gaz!
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Gaz! That were our Jean, weren't it?
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No, no. Just a couple of old tarts.
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I'm going back in for Nathe.
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You're in big trouble.
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00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,847
What about Auntie Jean?
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Auntie Jean's busy.
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I don't feel well.
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00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:53,825
Of course you don't! You've got a hangover.
Take a day off. Stay at home.
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00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:56,078
Your house is messy. And it's cold.
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00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,872
Come down job club.
That'll be a right laugh.
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Mum's house is always warm.
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00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,669
I can't always have the red carpet out for you.
124
00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:07,840
Anyway, it's not your mum's house.
It's whatshisname... Barry's.
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00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:11,635
Tell you what. Next weekend
I'll have a big tidy round. I promise!
126
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,804
Even go and see a footie game.
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00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:16,348
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Sunday League down the park.
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00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,517
There's some right good players.
129
00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:21,103
United are playing Man U, aren't they?
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00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,272
You know I can't stretch to that.
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00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:26,650
You're always making me do
stupid stuff like last night.
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00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,819
Other dads don't do that.
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Don't they?
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00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,824
- Aye.
- Aye.
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00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:38,203
Nathe!
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00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:40,831
We could try and sneak into Man U.
Terry said...
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No!
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00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:45,961
All right! I'll... I'll get tickets! I will!
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00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,006
Ooh! Aah! Cantona!
Has to wear a girlie bra!
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00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:52,926
We'll stuff 'em, Nathe.
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00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,182
Fuck!
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00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:09,860
I want the application letters finished by the
time I get back. Any problems, I'm outside.
143
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:20,913
I tell you,
when women start pissing like us, that's it.
144
00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:23,415
We're finished, Dave.
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00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,584
Extincto.
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00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,836
Yeah, I mean...
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00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,255
How? You know...
148
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:33,467
- How?
- Genetic mutations. They're turning into us.
149
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:38,055
A few years and men won't exist.
Except in a zoo or summat.
150
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,265
We're not needed no more, are we?
151
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:43,393
Obsolete. Dinosaurs.
152
00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:45,562
Yesterday's news.
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00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,108
Like skateboards.
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00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:52,945
Button it!
Some of us are trying to get ajob.
155
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:55,072
And it says no smoking in 'ere.
156
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:59,660
Aye, and it says job club up there.
When did you last see one of them walk in?
157
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,872
You forget, Gerald,
you're not our foreman now.
158
00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:06,333
You're just like the rest of us.
159
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:09,628
- Scrap.
- Shut it, right?
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00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:16,844
Hang on, though. Why were all them women
int' working-men's club int' first place?
161
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:19,429
Now then! Cos of us. Men.
162
00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:21,598
You call them Chippendales men?
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00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,767
Degrading, that's what it were.
164
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,853
How many lassies were there, though?
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00:11:25,978 --> 00:11:28,730
Thousands. Baying for blood.
166
00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:32,317
Ten quid to watch some fucking poof
get his kit off! Ten quid!
167
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:36,613
Times ten quid by a thousand, right?
And you've got...
168
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,450
Yeah, well, a lot. A very lot.
169
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:41,952
Nah.
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00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,163
10,000 quid.
171
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:49,334
- How much?
- 10,000 quid.
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00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:56,300
'Ey, now, Dave, I mean...
It's worth a thought, though, innit?
173
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:01,889
Little And Large prancing round Sheffield
with their widgers out!
174
00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:04,057
That would be worth ten quid!
175
00:12:04,183 --> 00:12:07,436
Don't be so bloody daft.
We were just saying...
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00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:11,732
- Widgers on parade! Bring a microscope!
- I don't see why the chuff not!
177
00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:15,569
Because you're fat and he's thin,
and you're both fucking ugly.
178
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:17,905
Bastard!
179
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,587
What's all this about sole custody?
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00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:37,216
You know what. If you want
joint custody, you pay your share.
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00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:40,552
- 700 quid.
- I'm ont' dole, in case you hadn't noticed!
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00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:45,140
- Get ajob! I'll gi' you ajob!
- �2.50 an hour in Black Hole of Calcutta!
183
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,975
No, thank you.
184
00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:51,605
If you want to play your games, do that,
but Nathan's gonna have two parents now.
185
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,941
And your live-in lover's gonna do that?
186
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:56,735
Abracadabra, here he is! Evening, Barry.
187
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,363
That'll be for t' court to decide.
188
00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:03,534
No, it won't. Nathan's yours and mine.
He's fuck-all to do with him!
189
00:13:03,659 --> 00:13:08,372
- As if you've ever given a toss.
- Face it. He don't like staying at yours.
190
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,416
Course he bloody does! Ask him!
191
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:13,585
Ask him!
192
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,171
Oi, Nathe! We have a laugh, don't we?
193
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,507
- Gary! Don't!
- Is he in?
194
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,425
Is he in?!
195
00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:22,678
Nathe!
196
00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:27,349
He can't hear you through your...
triple bloody glazing.
197
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,309
He can hear all right.
198
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:35,607
This... This is all wrong, this is.
It's all to fucking cock. I'm his dad, and you...
199
00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:37,734
You're nobody.
200
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:39,903
Good night, Gary.
201
00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:54,459
Night, Nathe!
202
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,546
See you, kid!
203
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:07,681
No. Not doing it.
204
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,601
- I'm not stripping.
- They're taking him away.
205
00:14:10,726 --> 00:14:13,395
All I need is 700 quid
and they've got nowt on me.
206
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:16,148
- Gaz, no.
- Dave, he's me kid!
207
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:18,734
I suppose there's nicking cars.
208
00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:21,236
- No!
- Well, then?
209
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:24,698
Look, I'll help, all right? I'm running, aren't I?
210
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,825
But I'm taking nowt off. Final.
211
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,994
Come on, Dave. Don't stop now.
212
00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:32,456
- Keep up, you fat bastard!
- Gazza, you tosser!
213
00:14:41,215 --> 00:14:43,258
Do you need a hand?
214
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,852
Yeah, it's your HT leads, I reckon.
215
00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:57,523
Give it a go at that.
216
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:08,325
Didn't you work at Harrisons
afore it shut down?
217
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,452
I thought I clocked you!
218
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:14,414
I were ont' floor with Gaz. Him up the road.
219
00:15:14,498 --> 00:15:17,251
How's it going, then?
220
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:19,461
You got any work?
221
00:15:21,672 --> 00:15:23,799
No, there's not a lot about, is there?
222
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:27,094
Well, like I say,
get some new ones when you can.
223
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:30,514
No, no, my chuffing pleasure(!)
224
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,652
Dave?
225
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:57,082
- Are you all right, kid?
- You bastard!
226
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,381
'Ey! 'Ey!
227
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,396
You could shoot yoursen.
228
00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:22,524
Where's he gonna find
a gun from round 'ere?
229
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:26,653
You wanna find yourself
a big bridge, you do.
230
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:31,575
Yeah. Like one of them bungee jumps,
only without the bungee bit.
231
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,244
I can't stand heights, me.
232
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:44,338
Drowning. Now there's a way to go.
233
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:49,092
I can't swim.
234
00:16:49,218 --> 00:16:52,846
You don't have to fucking swim, you divvy.
That's the point.
235
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:55,015
You're not very keen, are you?
236
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:57,184
Sorry.
237
00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:00,062
I know.
238
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:05,275
Stand in the middle of t' road and get
a mate to drive smack into you right fast.
239
00:17:07,903 --> 00:17:10,197
Haven't got any mates.
240
00:17:10,322 --> 00:17:14,243
We just saved your fucking life,
so don't tell us we're not your mates!
241
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:19,039
- Yeah?
- Yeah, me an' all.
242
00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:21,708
I'd run you down soon as look at you.
243
00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:23,210
Oh, cheers.
244
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:24,503
Ta.
245
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:30,551
Thanks a lot.
246
00:17:46,859 --> 00:17:49,695
- What are you doing, Mum?
- Where have you been?
247
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,822
Driving.
248
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,617
- Driving where?
- Just driving.
249
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,246
I thought you'd gone.
250
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:03,542
Security guard in 'ere?
No wonder he wants to kill himself.
251
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:07,588
Well, at least one bloke got ajob
out of this place being shut down.
252
00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:11,925
What did you tell him for, anyroad?
The kid's a nutter.
253
00:18:12,009 --> 00:18:14,052
He's a bugle player.
254
00:18:14,178 --> 00:18:17,848
Could come in right handy.
Might need a bit of music.
255
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:21,059
He's got a car. Somewhere to practise.
256
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:25,856
Besides, it's good whatsitsname
for the lad... Therapy.
257
00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:29,067
Oh, aye! Jiggling about in the buff. Therapy!
258
00:18:29,193 --> 00:18:34,531
I tell you, he won't be the only one trying
to top himself if you carry on wi' this caper.
259
00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:37,117
Dad, I'm hungry.
260
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,286
'Ey up!
261
00:18:45,417 --> 00:18:47,461
'Ey! Lomper!
262
00:18:47,586 --> 00:18:52,049
- Where's me rice?
- Try the cylinder head... tubby.
263
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,011
I don't like Chinese.
264
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,180
Course you do... Don't you?
265
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:01,391
- Let's see his records.
- What have we got, Dave?
266
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,020
"The Floral Dance."
267
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:09,316
- "Marching With Hepworth"?
- Jesus Christ!
268
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:12,152
Hot Chocolate! Now we're talking!
269
00:19:12,236 --> 00:19:14,363
I believe in miracles
270
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:16,281
Since you came along
271
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,283
You sexy thang!
272
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,786
Stick it on, Daverimo! I'm there.
273
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,134
Dad! Dad, don't.
274
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:40,264
It's all right, Nathan.
It's right, is this. I've seen 'em do it.
275
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:44,017
- Good evening, shoppers...
- Dave!
276
00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:46,144
All right, all right.
277
00:19:46,812 --> 00:19:49,982
"You Sexy Thing." One, two...
278
00:19:50,107 --> 00:19:51,567
One, two, three, four.
279
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:43,035
I need an audience.
280
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:45,787
You need a doctor.
281
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:51,627
I tell you,
there's summat up wi' that kid.
282
00:20:56,673 --> 00:21:00,260
- Did you check the whole top end?
- Yeah!
283
00:21:00,344 --> 00:21:02,387
There's no point. He went out.
284
00:21:02,513 --> 00:21:04,932
- You what?
- I seen him go.
285
00:21:05,057 --> 00:21:07,100
There's the beggar.
286
00:21:08,644 --> 00:21:10,437
Oi, Nathe!
287
00:21:10,562 --> 00:21:12,773
Nathan!
288
00:21:13,232 --> 00:21:15,609
Nathan.
289
00:21:17,778 --> 00:21:19,821
Hell-fire!
290
00:21:19,905 --> 00:21:23,325
- What are you doing out here, kid?
- Nowt. Walking home.
291
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:25,828
It's miles home! You know that!
292
00:21:25,953 --> 00:21:28,455
Why did you run off like that?
293
00:21:31,708 --> 00:21:34,002
You're embarrassed, aren't you?
294
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:36,797
You think your own dad's a dickhead.
295
00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:41,343
We're not doing this for a laugh, you know.
296
00:21:41,927 --> 00:21:44,263
I'm trying to get some brass together
297
00:21:44,388 --> 00:21:47,307
so as you and me can keep seeing each other.
298
00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:50,644
They're trying to stop us, you see.
299
00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:53,355
I may as well not bother.
300
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,440
Except I'm your dad.
301
00:21:57,985 --> 00:22:00,529
It counts for something, don't it?
302
00:22:04,867 --> 00:22:07,161
I like you.
303
00:22:09,246 --> 00:22:11,290
I love you, you bugger.
304
00:22:13,667 --> 00:22:15,711
All right, kid?
305
00:22:22,843 --> 00:22:24,887
- All right?
- Yeah.
306
00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:29,141
You nutter.
307
00:22:38,859 --> 00:22:41,111
Well, you said dancing.
308
00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:43,280
It were a great idea, kid.
309
00:22:43,405 --> 00:22:45,949
Just not the right sort of dancing.
310
00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:49,119
Gaz! 'Ey, look 'ere.
311
00:22:49,244 --> 00:22:51,288
Oh, my God!
312
00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:54,666
Gerald, me lad, you're gonna be
famous down job club.
313
00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:57,085
He's not bad for a bastard, is he?
314
00:22:57,211 --> 00:22:59,463
He's dead, that's what he is.
315
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:07,804
You said you wanted a dance teacher.
316
00:23:07,930 --> 00:23:10,224
Gerald? Go get chuffed!
317
00:23:10,307 --> 00:23:13,894
He'd tell every bugger!
We'd be laughed out of Sheffield.
318
00:23:14,311 --> 00:23:16,855
'Ey up, lads. Bandits at six o'clock.
319
00:23:19,816 --> 00:23:21,860
Come in, Torvill.
320
00:23:21,985 --> 00:23:24,029
Park your sequins over 'ere.
321
00:23:24,154 --> 00:23:28,075
- You've had your laugh. Now piss off.
- It's a free country.
322
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,036
- You were rather good. Nifty footwork.
- Gerald!
323
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:32,746
Oh, hello.
324
00:23:32,871 --> 00:23:37,835
- Gerald, you're missing the rumba.
- Sorry, I just met some pals from... work.
325
00:23:39,878 --> 00:23:43,799
- Not thinking ofjoining our class?
- Funny you should mention it...
326
00:23:43,924 --> 00:23:47,970
- I think we'd better be getting back now.
- Well, good night.
327
00:23:48,095 --> 00:23:51,682
You get back to your rumba.
See you later, Gerald.
328
00:23:52,432 --> 00:23:54,476
At work.
329
00:24:14,663 --> 00:24:17,249
He's got gnomes.
330
00:24:17,374 --> 00:24:19,418
Aye, he bloody would have.
331
00:24:23,505 --> 00:24:25,549
Things looking up?
332
00:24:25,674 --> 00:24:28,677
- You know, love, I think they just might be.
- Good.
333
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,804
You've been working too hard.
334
00:24:30,929 --> 00:24:34,892
You should let a colleague
do the lion's share for a change.
335
00:24:35,017 --> 00:24:38,687
- I wish you'd be firmer, Gerald.
- Oh, well. Mustn't be late.
336
00:24:38,812 --> 00:24:41,899
- So it's all right if I...
- Oh, Linda, love...
337
00:24:42,024 --> 00:24:45,527
Oh, don't be so mean!
Things are looking up. You said so.
338
00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:47,696
You'll love skiing.
339
00:24:49,823 --> 00:24:51,867
Linda...
340
00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:56,830
It don't matter.
341
00:24:56,955 --> 00:24:58,499
Bye.
342
00:25:04,129 --> 00:25:06,173
'Ey, Gaz.
343
00:25:13,430 --> 00:25:16,183
- Off to the office, Torvill?
- Yes, I bloody am!
344
00:25:16,266 --> 00:25:18,310
Put that back. Put it back!
345
00:25:19,394 --> 00:25:23,524
See that? Interview.
In the bloody bag. Mate from Harrisons.
346
00:25:23,649 --> 00:25:25,692
I could do the job standing on me head.
347
00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:28,654
And I won't have to look at
your ugly mugs again.
348
00:25:28,737 --> 00:25:33,450
- Come on, we just need some help.
- Sorry. There's nothing I can do to help you.
349
00:25:33,575 --> 00:25:35,702
Just wanna know about dancing.
350
00:25:35,828 --> 00:25:38,831
Dancers have coordination, skill,
351
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:41,667
timing, fitness and grace.
352
00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:44,211
Take a long, hard look in the mirror.
353
00:25:44,336 --> 00:25:46,380
Now, I'm busy.
354
00:25:47,589 --> 00:25:49,967
Don't be late forjob club, lads.
355
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,387
Bastard!
356
00:25:57,140 --> 00:25:59,810
Starting at �16,000, plus the pension scheme.
357
00:25:59,893 --> 00:26:03,939
It'll be a relief to get back to work.
It's not been an easy six months.
358
00:26:04,064 --> 00:26:07,901
I'm up to date with
the latest industry developments,
359
00:26:07,985 --> 00:26:10,654
and I've kept meself
360
00:26:13,866 --> 00:26:16,326
busy, you know.
361
00:26:16,493 --> 00:26:19,997
Well, all the qualifications
are there, obviously.
362
00:26:20,122 --> 00:26:23,458
And we go back further
than I care to remember.
363
00:26:24,835 --> 00:26:26,712
Sorry?
364
00:26:32,593 --> 00:26:34,636
What we're asking, Gerald, is
365
00:26:34,761 --> 00:26:38,891
after such a long lay-off,
do you think you're up to the job?
366
00:26:45,522 --> 00:26:46,523
You...!
367
00:26:46,648 --> 00:26:48,609
- Bastard!
- Fucking hell!
368
00:26:52,654 --> 00:26:54,698
'Ey, Gerry, mate...
369
00:26:55,532 --> 00:26:58,952
- You didn't get it, then?
- Get out the way! Come 'ere!
370
00:26:59,036 --> 00:27:01,955
Bastard! That were mine, thatjob!
371
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,208
You don't give a toss! You're kids!
372
00:27:04,333 --> 00:27:08,795
It's different for me!
I've got a standard of living! Responsibilities!
373
00:27:08,921 --> 00:27:11,840
I were on me way up! I am on me way up!
374
00:27:14,009 --> 00:27:16,470
It were me first interview in months!
375
00:27:16,595 --> 00:27:21,391
I could've got me first month's in advance.
She'd never have known.
376
00:27:21,475 --> 00:27:23,519
Now what?
377
00:27:23,644 --> 00:27:26,188
She's still got credit cards, you know.
378
00:27:26,313 --> 00:27:31,902
She's out there now, ont' High Street,
with a fucking Barclaycard, spending!
379
00:27:33,028 --> 00:27:35,072
Why can't you just tell her?
380
00:27:35,197 --> 00:27:39,409
How can I tell her after six months?
381
00:27:39,493 --> 00:27:43,539
A woman who wants to go skiing
for us holidays!
382
00:27:47,334 --> 00:27:49,545
Skiing, for fuck's sake!
383
00:27:52,422 --> 00:27:55,342
Why did you do it? It was my job!
384
00:27:55,425 --> 00:27:59,012
It had to be my... job!
385
00:28:39,011 --> 00:28:41,471
Can't you just leave me alone?
386
00:28:54,735 --> 00:28:56,862
We stuck it with superglue.
387
00:28:56,945 --> 00:28:59,072
You can't hardly see t' join.
388
00:29:05,329 --> 00:29:07,372
- Go on.
- Oh, yeah.
389
00:29:09,249 --> 00:29:12,336
We got this int' jumble, like, to say sorry.
390
00:29:14,505 --> 00:29:16,965
Wheels go round and everything.
391
00:29:19,218 --> 00:29:21,887
It's for your gnomes, really. Not you.
392
00:29:22,012 --> 00:29:24,056
I, er...
393
00:29:25,641 --> 00:29:28,143
I don't know. Er...
394
00:29:30,103 --> 00:29:32,314
It's marvellous, this.
395
00:29:37,152 --> 00:29:41,782
We were thinking, er...
you can maybe put it next to... wishing well.
396
00:29:41,907 --> 00:29:43,951
Make a bit of a...
397
00:29:44,701 --> 00:29:46,745
- Feature.
- Yeah.
398
00:29:46,870 --> 00:29:48,914
What do you reck?
399
00:29:53,919 --> 00:29:55,963
Ta, lads, eh?
400
00:29:57,631 --> 00:29:59,675
Ta very much.
401
00:30:01,927 --> 00:30:04,221
Cigarette me, for fuck's sake.
402
00:30:07,766 --> 00:30:10,686
Think any of them could dance?
403
00:30:10,769 --> 00:30:14,565
You're not still on about
this Chippendales malarkey, are you?
404
00:30:14,690 --> 00:30:18,026
A Yorkshire version.
Them buggers can, we bloody can.
405
00:30:18,151 --> 00:30:20,529
- You can't dance.
- We know, Gerald.
406
00:30:20,654 --> 00:30:24,700
- Gaz, niner on its way,
- Why do you think we're trailing you?
407
00:30:24,783 --> 00:30:28,996
I don't know. It's not my kind of dancing.
It's all arse wiggling.
408
00:30:29,079 --> 00:30:34,084
I've got a degree in arse wiggling, mate.
You learn us dancing, I'll learn you the rest.
409
00:30:34,209 --> 00:30:37,546
Gerald, for once, I'm dead serious.
I need your help.
410
00:30:37,671 --> 00:30:42,050
What if someone spots me? What if
Linda finds out? I've got standing, me.
411
00:30:42,134 --> 00:30:44,428
Aye, you've an overdraft an' all, mate.
412
00:31:40,442 --> 00:31:43,195
I'm sorry. Sorry.
413
00:31:44,488 --> 00:31:46,532
I thought I'd give it a go.
414
00:31:47,366 --> 00:31:50,035
I got a bit desperate. You know how it is.
415
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:53,247
I can't even take my kit off properly, can I?
416
00:31:53,330 --> 00:31:56,416
You're all right, Reg.
There's some tea if you like.
417
00:31:56,500 --> 00:31:58,544
No, thanks. The kids are outside.
418
00:31:58,627 --> 00:32:00,420
Bring 'em in.
419
00:32:00,546 --> 00:32:02,172
No.
420
00:32:02,881 --> 00:32:04,925
This is no place for kids.
421
00:32:14,309 --> 00:32:16,353
This is crazy.
422
00:32:18,814 --> 00:32:21,108
So,
423
00:32:21,191 --> 00:32:22,901
it's Mr Horse.
424
00:32:23,026 --> 00:32:24,653
Horse.
425
00:32:24,778 --> 00:32:26,822
Yeah, well, er...
426
00:32:26,947 --> 00:32:30,534
Just a minute, Mr Horse.
My colleagues on the panel...
427
00:32:30,617 --> 00:32:33,036
Ask him why he's called the Horse.
428
00:32:34,037 --> 00:32:37,958
You bloody ask him!
It's not cos he does the Grand National.
429
00:32:38,083 --> 00:32:42,963
That's all very well, but a big wanger is no
use if you need a zimmer frame to tout it in.
430
00:32:43,088 --> 00:32:45,132
I mean, he must be 50 if he's a day.
431
00:32:45,215 --> 00:32:47,634
So, Horse, what can you do?
432
00:32:48,510 --> 00:32:50,554
Dunno, really.
433
00:32:50,679 --> 00:32:53,182
Let's see, there's the, er...
434
00:32:54,558 --> 00:32:56,602
There's the bump.
435
00:32:56,727 --> 00:32:58,770
The stomp. The bus stop.
436
00:32:58,896 --> 00:33:02,566
Me breakdancing days are probably over.
437
00:33:02,691 --> 00:33:05,360
- But I do the funky chicken.
- Now you're talking!
438
00:33:05,486 --> 00:33:08,572
- All of 'em?
- Well, yeah. I think so.
439
00:33:08,697 --> 00:33:12,284
Well, it's been a while, mind.
And I've got this dodgy hip.
440
00:33:12,409 --> 00:33:14,036
Yeah.
441
00:33:14,119 --> 00:33:16,079
Well, stick it on, Nathe.
442
00:33:16,205 --> 00:33:18,415
Do your worst, pal.
443
00:34:00,749 --> 00:34:03,043
My favourite film's "Singing Int' Rain".
444
00:34:03,126 --> 00:34:05,170
That walking-up-wall thing is ace!
445
00:34:05,295 --> 00:34:08,298
He knows me.
He plastered our bathroom a while back.
446
00:34:08,382 --> 00:34:10,259
- Get rid of him.
- You'll be fine.
447
00:34:10,342 --> 00:34:12,719
- He'll blow my cover.
- Shut up!
448
00:34:12,845 --> 00:34:15,848
- What walking-up-wall thing?
- I'll show you.
449
00:34:15,931 --> 00:34:18,058
I'm Donald O'Connor, right?
450
00:34:21,019 --> 00:34:23,063
That's the wall.
451
00:34:35,075 --> 00:34:37,119
Oh, well...
452
00:34:37,411 --> 00:34:39,830
It's better than that in the film, you know.
453
00:34:41,874 --> 00:34:44,543
So... you don't sing?
454
00:34:44,626 --> 00:34:46,336
No.
455
00:34:46,461 --> 00:34:50,048
- You don't dance?
- No.
456
00:34:50,174 --> 00:34:54,136
Hope you don't think I'm being nosy,
but... what do you do?
457
00:34:54,261 --> 00:34:56,305
Well, er...
458
00:34:57,097 --> 00:34:59,141
There is... this.
459
00:35:08,984 --> 00:35:12,571
Gentlemen, the lunchbox... has landed.
460
00:35:18,285 --> 00:35:20,329
Chuffing Nora!
461
00:35:20,412 --> 00:35:22,789
All right, Gerald? I didn't see you!
462
00:35:22,873 --> 00:35:25,292
I did his bathroom.
463
00:35:27,336 --> 00:35:29,379
Hello, Guy.
464
00:35:29,505 --> 00:35:31,215
Nathe...
465
00:35:31,340 --> 00:35:33,550
Nathan!
466
00:35:37,846 --> 00:35:40,349
- I say, Jean!
- Yeah?
467
00:35:40,474 --> 00:35:42,518
Ever been out with a black bloke?
468
00:35:42,643 --> 00:35:45,562
- You know I haven't, Dave.
- But...
469
00:35:45,687 --> 00:35:48,440
If you were ont' lookout for a new fella, right?
470
00:35:48,565 --> 00:35:50,818
If you were, just saying,
471
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,403
would you think about it?
472
00:35:53,529 --> 00:35:55,572
What's got into you?
473
00:35:56,448 --> 00:35:58,492
No, would you, though?
474
00:35:59,660 --> 00:36:01,703
I might do. Yeah.
475
00:36:01,829 --> 00:36:03,872
Is that all right?
476
00:36:03,997 --> 00:36:06,750
- So it's true.
- I've bloody had enough of this.
477
00:36:06,834 --> 00:36:08,877
What's true?
478
00:36:09,002 --> 00:36:11,255
What they say about black blokes.
479
00:36:11,380 --> 00:36:13,590
They've got great bodies and that.
480
00:36:13,715 --> 00:36:15,759
Some of 'em. Yeah.
481
00:36:17,761 --> 00:36:19,972
And?
482
00:36:20,097 --> 00:36:22,140
Nothing.
483
00:36:22,599 --> 00:36:28,355
David... I don't care if they're black,
white, or bloody rainbow-coloured.
484
00:36:28,438 --> 00:36:30,691
I'm married to you. Remember?
485
00:36:30,816 --> 00:36:32,943
Yeah.
486
00:36:36,947 --> 00:36:38,991
Night.
487
00:36:42,703 --> 00:36:45,164
Why would I want anyone else, eh?
488
00:36:46,165 --> 00:36:48,208
Big man.
489
00:36:53,255 --> 00:36:55,465
Jeanie,
490
00:36:55,591 --> 00:36:57,885
I'm all in.
491
00:37:00,137 --> 00:37:03,473
It's amazing how tiring it is doing nowt,
you know.
492
00:37:34,296 --> 00:37:36,340
They're just messing, Dave.
493
00:37:36,465 --> 00:37:38,926
- Do you reckon?
- Course!
494
00:37:39,009 --> 00:37:41,345
Just Jean, innit?
495
00:37:43,305 --> 00:37:47,059
- Got any of them mint chocolate jobs?
- Get lost! You're on a diet.
496
00:37:47,184 --> 00:37:51,021
- Don't you start an' all.
- How much you got, then?
497
00:37:53,273 --> 00:37:55,317
22... 27 pence.
498
00:37:55,818 --> 00:37:59,238
�4.99, special offer.
We're still a fucking fiver short.
499
00:37:59,321 --> 00:38:01,615
You know what this means, Dave?
500
00:38:02,950 --> 00:38:04,993
Oh, no! Come on, Gaz. Why me?
501
00:38:05,118 --> 00:38:08,872
You've got an innocent face.
I've got serial killer written on mine.
502
00:38:08,997 --> 00:38:11,750
If you won't dance,
you can do something useful.
503
00:38:11,875 --> 00:38:14,419
Jean'll throw an eppy! She's only over there!
504
00:38:14,545 --> 00:38:17,881
She's miles away! See you later. Good luck.
505
00:38:18,382 --> 00:38:21,885
- Give us a pear drop, you.
- They're not paid for.
506
00:39:15,731 --> 00:39:17,441
Hey, what's this?
507
00:39:17,566 --> 00:39:21,945
I didn't go on the nick in Asda
for some chuffing women's DIY video.
508
00:39:22,070 --> 00:39:24,573
It's "Flashdance", Dave. She's a welder.
509
00:39:24,698 --> 00:39:27,618
I hope she dances better than she welds!
510
00:39:27,743 --> 00:39:30,746
- Look at that! Her mix is all to cock.
- Shut up, Dave.
511
00:39:30,829 --> 00:39:34,416
- What do you know about welding?
- More than some chuffing woman!
512
00:39:34,541 --> 00:39:37,085
It's like Bonfire Night. Too much acetylene.
513
00:39:37,211 --> 00:39:39,254
Them joints won't hold fuck all.
514
00:39:39,338 --> 00:39:41,882
For Christ's sake, we're looking for dancing.
515
00:39:42,007 --> 00:39:44,134
He's got the hump about Asda.
516
00:39:45,052 --> 00:39:47,262
'Ey, cop a load of that.
517
00:39:50,766 --> 00:39:53,769
What did I tell you?
She's nifty on her pins.
518
00:39:57,314 --> 00:40:00,400
That, gentlemen, is what we are looking for.
519
00:40:00,484 --> 00:40:04,613
Oh, aye. I can just see him doing
all that twizzling-about bollocks.
520
00:40:04,738 --> 00:40:09,201
It's souped-up tango, is that.
Teach any bugger in a week. Even you, mate.
521
00:40:09,284 --> 00:40:11,328
Even a fat bastard like me?
522
00:40:11,453 --> 00:40:14,456
Yeah, I know what I am, so don't take the piss.
523
00:40:15,874 --> 00:40:18,877
All right. Two weeks.
524
00:40:19,002 --> 00:40:21,046
Straight up.
525
00:40:28,262 --> 00:40:30,305
I dunno, Gaz.
526
00:40:30,430 --> 00:40:34,476
Jean reckons I should take
that security-guard job at Asda.
527
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,603
Jesus! Security?
528
00:40:36,728 --> 00:40:38,856
You're worth more than that, Dave.
529
00:40:38,981 --> 00:40:41,024
She don't think so.
530
00:40:41,150 --> 00:40:44,319
I reckon summat's going on
with her and that bloke.
531
00:40:44,403 --> 00:40:46,446
The juggling bugger?
532
00:40:46,572 --> 00:40:48,198
No. No way.
533
00:40:48,323 --> 00:40:50,367
It's not as if I'd blame her.
534
00:40:50,492 --> 00:40:52,536
You could show her, Dave.
535
00:40:52,661 --> 00:40:57,040
Nobody tells them Chippendales
to do security. Raking it in, they are!
536
00:40:57,166 --> 00:41:01,461
Two weeks. That's what the man said,
and he's not taking the piss.
537
00:41:01,587 --> 00:41:03,839
Aye, it's a thought.
538
00:41:03,964 --> 00:41:06,008
It's more than a thought.
539
00:41:06,175 --> 00:41:09,970
Think of Jean's face when
she sees you dancing like "Flashdance".
540
00:41:10,888 --> 00:41:13,348
Two weeks? Just like flashy tits?
541
00:41:13,932 --> 00:41:15,976
It's what your man said.
542
00:41:17,060 --> 00:41:20,981
'Ey... I can weld better than her an' all.
543
00:41:23,358 --> 00:41:25,402
Stop! No, no! Stop! Stop!
544
00:41:25,527 --> 00:41:28,864
- What?
- You stay still!
545
00:41:28,947 --> 00:41:32,201
And you... go forward, OK?!
546
00:41:32,284 --> 00:41:34,328
- OK.
- All right, Nathan.
547
00:41:38,999 --> 00:41:43,045
No, no, no! Jesus Christ!
548
00:41:43,128 --> 00:41:47,257
All I want to do
is get you in a straight bloody line!
549
00:41:47,382 --> 00:41:49,426
What do I have to do?
550
00:41:49,551 --> 00:41:51,929
It's the Arsenal offside trap, isn't it?
551
00:41:52,054 --> 00:41:54,389
- You what?
- The Arsenal offside trap.
552
00:41:54,515 --> 00:41:57,017
Lomper here is Tony Adams, right?
553
00:41:57,142 --> 00:41:59,520
Any bugger looks like scoring,
554
00:41:59,645 --> 00:42:04,191
we all step forward in a line
and wave our arms around like a fairy.
555
00:42:04,316 --> 00:42:05,943
That's easy.
556
00:42:06,026 --> 00:42:07,903
OK!
557
00:42:08,028 --> 00:42:08,987
Nathan!
558
00:42:15,953 --> 00:42:17,996
Yes!
559
00:42:18,121 --> 00:42:19,498
Perfect.
560
00:42:19,998 --> 00:42:21,375
Perfect.
561
00:42:21,500 --> 00:42:23,877
Well, you should have said.
562
00:42:27,756 --> 00:42:30,759
Come on. Get in quick, and wipe your boots.
563
00:42:33,345 --> 00:42:36,849
- Put that back. You'll break it.
- I'm just looking.
564
00:42:36,974 --> 00:42:39,017
Bit posh, innit?
565
00:42:39,142 --> 00:42:41,103
Right, then.
566
00:42:41,186 --> 00:42:43,772
- Are we right?
- Right for what?
567
00:42:43,897 --> 00:42:45,941
Taking us kit off.
568
00:42:47,192 --> 00:42:50,279
I thought you were turning me
into a fancy dancer.
569
00:42:50,362 --> 00:42:52,489
Ladies, we are strippers, aren't we?
570
00:42:52,573 --> 00:42:54,616
What, here? Now? In this house?
571
00:42:56,827 --> 00:43:00,873
- This is a good area, this is.
- Gaz... I dunno.
572
00:43:00,956 --> 00:43:06,003
If we can't get us kit off in front of ourselves,
what chance have we got in front of lasses?
573
00:43:06,128 --> 00:43:08,005
Tops off.
574
00:43:11,758 --> 00:43:14,219
Come on!
575
00:43:16,096 --> 00:43:19,850
Well, no looking.
And no laughing, you bastards.
576
00:43:29,193 --> 00:43:31,403
I used to have a properjob, me.
577
00:43:32,321 --> 00:43:35,157
I ask you, what are we doing?
What are we doing?
578
00:43:44,833 --> 00:43:46,877
And the kecks.
579
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:07,940
- Horse by name, horse by nature, eh?
- Oh, shut it, you!
580
00:44:08,065 --> 00:44:10,734
- How come you're so brown?
- No reason.
581
00:44:10,859 --> 00:44:15,989
- Someone's got a sunbed, eh, Gerald!
- It's Linda's, and no, you bloody can't!
582
00:44:16,114 --> 00:44:18,867
What am I gonna do about this?
583
00:44:18,951 --> 00:44:20,994
It's not too bad.
584
00:44:21,078 --> 00:44:23,455
From the front, like.
585
00:44:23,580 --> 00:44:26,583
Fat, David, is a feminist issue.
586
00:44:26,667 --> 00:44:28,710
What's that supposed to mean?
587
00:44:28,836 --> 00:44:31,755
I don't bloody know, do I? But it is.
588
00:44:31,839 --> 00:44:34,049
I try dieting.
589
00:44:35,968 --> 00:44:37,761
I do try!
590
00:44:37,886 --> 00:44:41,306
It seems I've spent
most of me fucking life on a diet!
591
00:44:41,431 --> 00:44:43,559
The less I eat, the fatter I get.
592
00:44:43,684 --> 00:44:47,104
- So stuff yourself and get thin.
- Oh, shut up, saggy tits!
593
00:44:47,229 --> 00:44:49,273
They're not.
594
00:44:50,315 --> 00:44:54,361
A mate of Linda's had this plastic stuff
put on her at this health club.
595
00:44:54,444 --> 00:44:57,447
She lost stones. It were like magic.
596
00:44:57,573 --> 00:44:59,283
Oh, what's it called?
597
00:44:59,366 --> 00:45:01,493
Anyway, it's like... clingfilm.
598
00:45:01,577 --> 00:45:03,871
- I've heard of that.
- Clingfilm?
599
00:45:03,954 --> 00:45:06,540
I'm not a chicken drumstick, Gerald.
600
00:45:06,665 --> 00:45:11,837
- You wrap it round, reduce the fat...
- She swears by it!
601
00:45:17,301 --> 00:45:20,721
- You can'tjust take stuff.
- Sorry, mate.
602
00:45:20,846 --> 00:45:22,890
But I only owe him 120 quid.
603
00:45:23,015 --> 00:45:27,060
- That's all these'll fetch second-hand.
- They're not second-hand.
604
00:45:27,186 --> 00:45:29,229
They are now, mate.
605
00:45:31,064 --> 00:45:33,901
- Put down and piss off.
- Fucking hell!
606
00:45:38,614 --> 00:45:42,409
I think there's been a mistake.
We'll check with the office.
607
00:45:42,534 --> 00:45:45,287
Cheers, lads.
608
00:45:45,412 --> 00:45:48,081
It's not bad, this stripping lark, is it?
609
00:45:58,759 --> 00:46:00,886
Dave and Lomps, up the wing.
610
00:46:00,969 --> 00:46:03,347
One, two, three, four.
611
00:46:03,430 --> 00:46:05,933
Left touchline, three, four.
612
00:46:06,350 --> 00:46:08,644
Right touchline, three, four.
613
00:46:08,769 --> 00:46:10,979
Offside trap. One, two,
614
00:46:11,104 --> 00:46:14,107
three, four. Now the belt,
615
00:46:14,191 --> 00:46:16,318
three. Now the shoes,
616
00:46:16,401 --> 00:46:18,862
three, four. Now the socks...
617
00:46:18,946 --> 00:46:21,949
- Hang on, I can't...
- Carry on!
618
00:46:25,244 --> 00:46:28,247
- That were crap.
- Well, give us a chance!
619
00:46:28,372 --> 00:46:31,124
I bet even Madonna has difficulty
with her shoes.
620
00:46:31,208 --> 00:46:33,252
- You could've had me eye out!
- Sorry.
621
00:46:33,377 --> 00:46:36,046
What are you doing? They're borrowed!
622
00:46:36,171 --> 00:46:38,215
We can use 'em for the show.
623
00:46:38,340 --> 00:46:40,634
It's what them Chippendales do.
624
00:46:40,717 --> 00:46:43,470
They put Velcro down the side, and then
625
00:46:43,554 --> 00:46:45,597
they're off! I'll sew 'em back up.
626
00:46:45,681 --> 00:46:47,975
Where did you learn to be an ace sewer?
627
00:46:48,100 --> 00:46:49,643
Prison.
628
00:46:52,688 --> 00:46:54,731
Cheers, Nathe.
629
00:46:58,652 --> 00:47:00,696
Come on, Al, it's me!
630
00:47:00,821 --> 00:47:04,575
Which is precisely why
it's 100 quid up front. Half-price.
631
00:47:04,700 --> 00:47:10,289
If I give you t' club for nowt and you don't
turn up, I've an empty bar on a Friday night.
632
00:47:10,414 --> 00:47:13,417
Course we'll turn up! I haven't got 100 quid!
633
00:47:15,419 --> 00:47:18,755
If you tell me what you're up to,
it might help.
634
00:47:19,756 --> 00:47:21,800
I can't. It's top-secret.
635
00:47:22,968 --> 00:47:25,012
Sorry...
636
00:47:39,234 --> 00:47:41,278
- All right, love?
- Hi, Mum.
637
00:47:41,403 --> 00:47:44,072
- What do you want?
- All right, Mand?
638
00:47:44,364 --> 00:47:46,617
I'm gonna get you all your money.
639
00:47:46,742 --> 00:47:50,537
Our money. Nathan's.
You know, for definite this time.
640
00:47:50,662 --> 00:47:53,665
- Yeah, right. That all?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
641
00:47:56,251 --> 00:48:01,131
Well, no. The thing is, Mand, you have
to speculate to accumulate, in business.
642
00:48:01,256 --> 00:48:05,552
- I'm not sure I'm hearing this.
- I'll get you it all. I just need a tiny bit.
643
00:48:05,677 --> 00:48:08,055
- You want some money?
- Yeah!
644
00:48:08,180 --> 00:48:11,517
Right. I need someone int' packing section.
645
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:15,354
�2.50 an hour. You can start now,
if you like. Are you coming?
646
00:48:17,523 --> 00:48:18,899
Come on, Dad.
647
00:48:21,985 --> 00:48:23,362
Nathan.
648
00:48:23,445 --> 00:48:26,365
You can't do this, kid. It's your savings.
649
00:48:26,490 --> 00:48:29,576
I can. I just need your signature.
It says int' book.
650
00:48:29,660 --> 00:48:31,787
I'd like to take my money out, please.
651
00:48:31,870 --> 00:48:33,914
Well, you bloody well can't.
652
00:48:34,039 --> 00:48:37,292
- You're all right, love. It's sorted.
- It's my money!
653
00:48:37,376 --> 00:48:38,919
�100, please.
654
00:48:39,002 --> 00:48:42,506
When you're 18,
you can walk in and get it yourself.
655
00:48:42,589 --> 00:48:45,342
- You said you'd get it back.
- I know!
656
00:48:45,467 --> 00:48:48,303
But you don't want to listen to what I say.
657
00:48:48,387 --> 00:48:51,723
You said so. I believe you.
658
00:48:51,849 --> 00:48:54,101
You do?
659
00:48:54,226 --> 00:48:56,812
Yeah.
660
00:48:58,272 --> 00:49:00,399
Blimey, Nathe!
661
00:49:13,078 --> 00:49:16,498
Come on, come on! One, two!
662
00:49:27,759 --> 00:49:29,553
And one for luck!
663
00:50:23,690 --> 00:50:25,901
Yeah!
664
00:50:39,498 --> 00:50:41,542
It's not straight, Lomps.
665
00:50:41,667 --> 00:50:43,961
Give over, it's only a poster.
666
00:50:47,506 --> 00:50:49,967
Christ al-bloody-mighty!
667
00:50:52,094 --> 00:50:54,763
- All right, sweethearts?
- Gary the lad!
668
00:50:54,888 --> 00:50:56,932
What are you up to, then, shifty?
669
00:50:57,057 --> 00:50:59,893
Bit of this, bit of that, bit of the other.
670
00:51:01,728 --> 00:51:05,065
- Just advertising for some mates.
- Oh, aye.
671
00:51:05,190 --> 00:51:07,568
And who's gonna come and see
your mates?
672
00:51:07,651 --> 00:51:10,320
We had the real thing up here the other day.
673
00:51:10,445 --> 00:51:12,823
Well, us mates are better.
674
00:51:12,906 --> 00:51:16,827
- Better? How's that, then?
- Well...
675
00:51:18,328 --> 00:51:20,664
This lot go all the way.
676
00:51:20,789 --> 00:51:24,543
- Don't they, lads?
- The full monty? You lot?
677
00:51:26,086 --> 00:51:28,547
Hell-fire! That would be worth a look!
678
00:51:28,672 --> 00:51:30,716
- See you there, then.
- Ta-ra.
679
00:51:32,092 --> 00:51:33,886
Keep your hair on.
680
00:51:34,011 --> 00:51:36,930
No way. No and never. In that order, kid.
681
00:51:37,014 --> 00:51:41,393
Excuse me, no-one said anything to me
about the full monty.
682
00:51:41,476 --> 00:51:45,606
You heard 'em. We've gotta give them
more than your average ten-bob stripper.
683
00:51:45,731 --> 00:51:49,526
- Yeah, but... me willy. I mean to say...
- Your willy?!
684
00:51:49,651 --> 00:51:52,654
- My willy!
- A laughing stock. Totally!
685
00:51:52,738 --> 00:51:56,617
- Well, they're coming!
- With a pair of scissors! They know it's us.
686
00:51:56,742 --> 00:52:01,205
By closing time, every bugger in Sheffield
will know it's us whether we do it or not.
687
00:52:01,288 --> 00:52:04,124
We can forget it,
go back to fucking job club,
688
00:52:04,208 --> 00:52:06,251
or do it and just maybe get rich.
689
00:52:06,335 --> 00:52:08,295
And I tell you,
690
00:52:08,420 --> 00:52:12,174
folks don't laugh so loud
when you've a grand in your pocket.
691
00:52:12,841 --> 00:52:14,885
Now, are you in
692
00:52:15,010 --> 00:52:17,221
or are you out?
693
00:52:19,473 --> 00:52:23,352
... all sorts of problems
for drivers on the Pennines.
694
00:52:24,186 --> 00:52:26,772
So, please avoid the area if possible.
695
00:52:26,897 --> 00:52:31,360
The good news is that the outlook
for the rest of the week is much better,
696
00:52:31,485 --> 00:52:36,031
with the storms clearing
to leave the weekend warm and sunny.
697
00:52:36,114 --> 00:52:40,327
Now, back to the music.
Here's another disco classic from the '70s.
698
00:52:40,410 --> 00:52:41,954
It's Donna Summer with
699
00:52:42,037 --> 00:52:44,081
"Hot Stuff".
700
00:53:43,599 --> 00:53:45,225
No.
701
00:53:45,350 --> 00:53:47,811
Gerald, come on, mate. Just an hour!
702
00:53:52,191 --> 00:53:54,735
You've got some fit birds in there.
703
00:53:56,987 --> 00:53:59,031
Nah. Tits are too big.
704
00:53:59,156 --> 00:54:00,782
Yeah?
705
00:54:00,908 --> 00:54:02,367
Didn't know they could be.
706
00:54:04,828 --> 00:54:06,872
Anti-wrinkle cream.
707
00:54:06,997 --> 00:54:09,666
'Ey, can fellas use this an' all?
708
00:54:09,750 --> 00:54:11,793
Do you mind, you!
709
00:54:13,003 --> 00:54:18,342
Well, I just pray they're a bit more
understanding about us, that's all.
710
00:54:18,467 --> 00:54:20,511
You what?
711
00:54:20,636 --> 00:54:23,388
They're gonna be looking at us like that.
712
00:54:25,516 --> 00:54:29,645
What if, next Friday, 400 women say:
"He's too fat, he's too old,
713
00:54:29,770 --> 00:54:32,689
and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser."
714
00:54:32,773 --> 00:54:35,943
- They wouldn't.
- Why not? He said her tits are too big.
715
00:54:36,026 --> 00:54:38,695
That's different. We're... blokes.
716
00:54:38,779 --> 00:54:40,405
Yeah. And?
717
00:54:40,531 --> 00:54:42,741
I think she's got nice tits.
718
00:54:42,825 --> 00:54:46,495
I never said owt about her personality.
She's probably quite nice.
719
00:54:46,620 --> 00:54:49,081
They won't say nowt
about your personality.
720
00:54:49,206 --> 00:54:51,416
Which is good cos you're a bastard.
721
00:54:51,500 --> 00:54:55,128
Bollocks to your personality!
This is what they're looking at.
722
00:54:55,254 --> 00:54:57,548
And I tell you summat, mate.
723
00:54:57,631 --> 00:55:02,094
Anti-wrinkle cream there may be,
but anti-fat-bastard cream, there is none.
724
00:55:03,303 --> 00:55:05,180
Here... lads.
725
00:55:11,103 --> 00:55:13,230
Oh, mother!
726
00:55:13,313 --> 00:55:16,900
- Bloody hell!
- Gaz said he wanted something a bit flashy.
727
00:55:17,025 --> 00:55:19,695
It's top of the range. Real leather.
728
00:55:19,820 --> 00:55:21,363
Yeah, but...
729
00:55:21,488 --> 00:55:23,991
- You don't get much.
- What day is it?
730
00:55:24,116 --> 00:55:26,577
- Monday.
- When are we on?
731
00:55:26,660 --> 00:55:29,997
Friday. Dress rehearsal tomorrow.
732
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:35,043
I think I'm gonna be sick.
733
00:55:41,717 --> 00:55:45,137
How can I read the instructions?
There wasn't any.
734
00:55:45,262 --> 00:55:48,265
No? Well, maybe there's a part missing.
735
00:55:48,348 --> 00:55:51,852
Yeah, I got that. If that's what you call it.
736
00:55:51,977 --> 00:55:54,980
Well, if it's all there,
how come it's not working?
737
00:55:58,192 --> 00:56:00,527
What do you mean, in what sense?
738
00:56:00,652 --> 00:56:04,156
It's not working
in the sense that it's not working.
739
00:56:04,281 --> 00:56:06,325
No, I can't speak up.
740
00:56:06,450 --> 00:56:10,579
Nothing's happening, you know what I mean?
Nothing's getting bigger.
741
00:56:10,662 --> 00:56:13,207
Well, this is an emergency, is this.
742
00:57:03,799 --> 00:57:05,843
What's the matter, big man?
743
00:57:09,471 --> 00:57:11,515
I'm sorry.
744
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:20,524
Dave...
745
00:57:24,153 --> 00:57:26,196
Dave.
746
00:57:40,294 --> 00:57:42,337
You're ahead.
747
00:57:42,754 --> 00:57:44,715
Give us a break!
748
00:57:48,010 --> 00:57:50,053
All right, kid.
749
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:53,724
Tell us straight.
750
00:57:53,849 --> 00:57:58,145
We're not making the biggest arses
of ourselves in the known universe, are we?
751
00:59:07,506 --> 00:59:09,466
Dave, mate.
752
00:59:09,550 --> 00:59:13,512
Can I have a word? In private, like.
753
00:59:14,763 --> 00:59:17,432
Yeah. I suppose so.
754
00:59:17,516 --> 00:59:19,977
Dave, you won't tell anyone, will you?
755
00:59:20,102 --> 00:59:23,188
No, your, er... Your secret's safe with me.
756
00:59:26,441 --> 00:59:28,735
When I were about 12,
757
00:59:28,819 --> 00:59:32,865
our school took us for...
for swimming lessons.
758
00:59:32,948 --> 00:59:35,242
Mixed classes.
759
00:59:35,367 --> 00:59:37,411
You know, boys
760
00:59:37,536 --> 00:59:39,580
and... er
761
00:59:39,705 --> 00:59:42,541
and girls.
762
00:59:46,837 --> 00:59:49,423
It were terrible, Dave. I were there
763
00:59:49,548 --> 00:59:52,217
standing at t' side of t' pool in me trunks
764
00:59:52,301 --> 00:59:55,721
with all these pretty lassies
around in bikinis!
765
00:59:55,804 --> 00:59:57,848
And... Well, I...
766
00:59:57,973 --> 01:00:00,184
I got, er...
767
01:00:05,856 --> 01:00:08,108
I got a stiffy!
768
01:00:08,233 --> 01:00:11,737
- What did you do?
- I jumped into t' deep end.
769
01:00:11,862 --> 01:00:13,906
I nearly fucking drowned!
770
01:00:14,031 --> 01:00:16,074
What if it happens again?
771
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:18,660
Think of that, eh? In front of 400 women!
772
01:00:18,785 --> 01:00:20,829
Gerald,
773
01:00:20,913 --> 01:00:23,207
you're talking to t' wrong man.
774
01:00:29,630 --> 01:00:33,300
- You said it were just your mum.
- It's family.
775
01:00:33,383 --> 01:00:36,720
- What can you do?
- Who the hell-fire's that?
776
01:00:37,596 --> 01:00:39,640
Oh, no.
777
01:00:39,765 --> 01:00:41,725
It's Beryl.
778
01:00:41,809 --> 01:00:43,852
Me niece!
779
01:00:44,645 --> 01:00:46,688
Where's Dave?
780
01:00:52,402 --> 01:00:54,363
'Ere, Dave!
781
01:00:54,446 --> 01:00:55,906
Dave!
782
01:00:55,989 --> 01:00:58,408
- What are you doing?
- What does it look like?
783
01:00:58,534 --> 01:01:01,870
We're on in three days' time!
Where the fuck are you?!
784
01:01:01,954 --> 01:01:04,706
I'm 'ere, working! Earning! That's where.
785
01:01:04,790 --> 01:01:06,834
Not pissing about!
786
01:01:06,959 --> 01:01:08,836
End of chat.
787
01:01:10,462 --> 01:01:12,339
Dave.
788
01:01:12,464 --> 01:01:14,758
- Come on, Dave.
- No.
789
01:01:14,842 --> 01:01:16,718
All right, then.
790
01:01:16,844 --> 01:01:20,430
- Oooh, very nice.
- Gaz, please, don't.
791
01:01:20,514 --> 01:01:23,684
- Come on, Mr Security Guard. Do yourjob.
- Gazza!
792
01:01:23,809 --> 01:01:26,895
Horse, go out and tell 'em there's a delay.
793
01:01:27,020 --> 01:01:29,148
They won't wait for ever.
794
01:01:42,661 --> 01:01:44,705
Keep up, you fat bastard!
795
01:01:49,126 --> 01:01:52,212
Don't ever call me a fat bastard, all right?!
796
01:01:52,296 --> 01:01:54,756
- All right?!
- We need you, Dave.
797
01:01:57,676 --> 01:01:59,720
I can't.
798
01:02:02,681 --> 01:02:06,101
I just can't. All right?
799
01:02:07,769 --> 01:02:12,316
Listen, just think of the most boring thing
you can come up with.
800
01:02:12,441 --> 01:02:15,110
- That should keep it well in order.
- Like what?
801
01:02:15,235 --> 01:02:18,822
- Double-glazing salesmen.
- Gardening. The Queen's speech.
802
01:02:18,947 --> 01:02:20,908
A Dire Straits double album.
803
01:02:21,033 --> 01:02:24,203
- Nature programmes.
- I like nature programmes.
804
01:02:24,286 --> 01:02:27,998
Aye, but they don't give you a hard-on,
though, do they?
805
01:02:28,123 --> 01:02:29,750
Do they?
806
01:02:29,875 --> 01:02:33,295
- Blimey...
- Oh, shut up! It's not funny. It's medical.
807
01:02:38,592 --> 01:02:40,844
He's not coming.
808
01:02:43,013 --> 01:02:45,140
It's all right. We can do without him.
809
01:04:28,368 --> 01:04:30,579
So your daddy dances in front of you?
810
01:04:30,662 --> 01:04:33,332
When he's rehearsing.
811
01:04:38,837 --> 01:04:41,673
We were dancing all right then, an' all.
812
01:04:41,757 --> 01:04:43,884
My feet are freezing.
813
01:04:44,009 --> 01:04:46,678
Right. Name.
814
01:04:46,762 --> 01:04:48,806
Gary Schofield.
815
01:04:52,976 --> 01:04:55,270
- Gerald Arthur Cooper.
- What?
816
01:04:55,395 --> 01:04:57,439
Gerald Arthur Cooper.
817
01:05:00,150 --> 01:05:03,070
- Barrington Mitchell.
- Barrington?
818
01:05:03,195 --> 01:05:04,571
Yeah.
819
01:05:04,696 --> 01:05:06,740
- Is that one R?
- Two.
820
01:05:28,846 --> 01:05:31,515
Told you. Robbing pipes, that's all.
821
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:33,684
Gary, my friend,
822
01:05:33,809 --> 01:05:35,936
no bugger robs pipes in the buff.
823
01:05:36,061 --> 01:05:37,855
We do.
824
01:05:37,980 --> 01:05:40,107
Don't get your clothes dirty, do you?
825
01:05:40,232 --> 01:05:45,028
Oh. Well, don't fret, gents. There's
a right good laundry in Wakefield prison.
826
01:05:49,867 --> 01:05:52,619
Security-camera tapes off the front desk.
827
01:05:52,703 --> 01:05:54,830
What happened to the security guard?
828
01:06:06,049 --> 01:06:08,093
You're always ahead there.
829
01:06:08,218 --> 01:06:10,888
You're always bloody behind, more like.
830
01:06:10,971 --> 01:06:13,974
Look... Excuse me,
can I borrow this for a second?
831
01:06:15,851 --> 01:06:18,395
Look, shut up, will you?! Watch.
832
01:06:21,899 --> 01:06:23,942
He's right.
833
01:06:24,067 --> 01:06:26,904
- You're ahead.
- Oh, go... bollocks!
834
01:06:48,550 --> 01:06:50,594
Ssh! Be quiet! Me mum'll hear.
835
01:06:50,719 --> 01:06:53,806
- I've always wanted to meet your mum.
- Ssh!
836
01:07:03,607 --> 01:07:07,444
What do you mean, I can't see him?
He's me son! I haven't been charged!
837
01:07:07,528 --> 01:07:09,571
Ask Smiler in there! No charge!
838
01:07:09,696 --> 01:07:13,200
Sorry. Social Services have requested
an interview with you.
839
01:07:13,325 --> 01:07:15,994
Have to make an appointment.
840
01:07:20,290 --> 01:07:23,293
- I've come to pick up my son.
- Oh, right. Er...
841
01:07:23,418 --> 01:07:25,379
Just a minute.
842
01:07:25,504 --> 01:07:27,798
He's fine. We've not been charged or owt.
843
01:07:27,923 --> 01:07:31,635
So this is your great money-making
enterprise? Pornography?
844
01:07:31,760 --> 01:07:34,054
Don't be daft! We're getting your money.
845
01:07:34,138 --> 01:07:36,181
My money?! Nathan's money!
846
01:07:36,306 --> 01:07:38,600
- Here he is.
- All right, Dad?
847
01:07:38,725 --> 01:07:41,478
- All right, kid?
- Yeah, fine. Hi, Mum.
848
01:07:41,562 --> 01:07:43,272
Come on, love.
849
01:07:43,355 --> 01:07:45,232
We're going now.
850
01:07:45,315 --> 01:07:47,359
- Come on, Mand!
- Unemployed,
851
01:07:47,484 --> 01:07:51,947
maintenance arrears of �700,
and now an arrest for indecent exposure.
852
01:07:52,072 --> 01:07:54,741
- Still think you're a good father?
- He is trying.
853
01:07:54,825 --> 01:07:57,035
- See?
- A bit late for that.
854
01:07:57,161 --> 01:08:00,164
- Hang on a minute!
- Look at yourself, Gary!
855
01:08:00,247 --> 01:08:02,291
Just look at yourself.
856
01:08:39,411 --> 01:08:41,455
All right, mate?
857
01:08:42,247 --> 01:08:44,541
So.
858
01:08:45,959 --> 01:08:48,003
And this has been going on how long?
859
01:08:52,132 --> 01:08:54,176
About six months.
860
01:09:01,016 --> 01:09:03,393
I can cope with losing the sunbed.
861
01:09:03,477 --> 01:09:05,521
Car. Television.
862
01:09:06,021 --> 01:09:10,234
I can even cope with the shame
of everyone watching this.
863
01:09:10,317 --> 01:09:13,737
But six months! Six bloody months!
864
01:09:13,821 --> 01:09:15,948
And you wouldn't say to me,
865
01:09:17,115 --> 01:09:19,326
to your wife.
866
01:09:22,830 --> 01:09:24,873
I thought you liked them.
867
01:09:26,250 --> 01:09:28,585
No, Gerald. I've never liked 'em.
868
01:09:53,819 --> 01:09:57,406
They've taken me sunbed.
They've taken bloody everything.
869
01:09:57,531 --> 01:10:00,534
- Kept hold of your chips, though.
- House repossessed.
870
01:10:00,659 --> 01:10:02,536
Wife thrown me out.
871
01:10:02,619 --> 01:10:04,496
Guess what.
872
01:10:04,580 --> 01:10:06,623
I've just been offered thatjob.
873
01:10:07,749 --> 01:10:09,626
Congratulations.
874
01:10:17,384 --> 01:10:19,428
- All right, kid?
- Hiya!
875
01:10:19,553 --> 01:10:21,805
- Fancy a kick-about int' park?
- Yeah.
876
01:10:24,224 --> 01:10:26,101
Nathe.
877
01:10:26,185 --> 01:10:27,644
Hiya. All right, love?
878
01:10:27,728 --> 01:10:29,188
You shouldn't be here.
879
01:10:29,271 --> 01:10:32,774
- Says who?
- Read the lawyer's letter, why don't you?
880
01:10:34,485 --> 01:10:37,404
We're going swimming, Dad.
Do you wanna come?
881
01:10:40,032 --> 01:10:41,992
I can't, kid.
882
01:10:42,075 --> 01:10:44,119
Haven't brought me trunks, have I?
883
01:10:44,203 --> 01:10:48,123
- We can go get 'em. Can't we, Mum?
- I can't, love.
884
01:10:48,248 --> 01:10:49,249
Why?
885
01:10:51,084 --> 01:10:53,128
I just...
886
01:10:54,671 --> 01:10:56,715
I just can't. Sorry.
887
01:10:58,008 --> 01:11:00,552
He's not allowed, is he?
888
01:11:04,515 --> 01:11:06,558
Come on, love.
889
01:11:44,304 --> 01:11:46,014
Dave!
890
01:11:46,140 --> 01:11:48,183
Oi, you deaf twat!
891
01:11:48,308 --> 01:11:51,228
What do you want now?
I told you, I'm finished with you.
892
01:11:51,353 --> 01:11:53,397
We're all finished, Dave.
893
01:11:53,522 --> 01:11:55,482
I'm a bloody marked man now.
894
01:11:57,734 --> 01:12:00,988
Sorry about your Nathan. It's a bad one, that.
895
01:12:01,113 --> 01:12:03,157
Aye.
896
01:12:03,532 --> 01:12:05,576
It's about Lomper.
897
01:12:05,701 --> 01:12:08,120
What's that pasty-faced chuffer want?
898
01:12:08,245 --> 01:12:10,289
His mum died two days ago.
899
01:12:13,292 --> 01:12:15,419
Poor lad. Sorry.
900
01:12:15,544 --> 01:12:18,630
- Could you borrow us ajacket for t' funeral?
- Gaz...!
901
01:12:18,755 --> 01:12:21,925
Come on, Dave!
It's not for me, it's a funeral!
902
01:12:25,012 --> 01:12:27,055
What colour?
903
01:12:28,015 --> 01:12:29,808
Orange.
904
01:12:29,933 --> 01:12:32,686
- Orange?
- Black, for fuck's sake!
905
01:12:32,811 --> 01:12:36,231
All right. Look, I'll meet you by t' doors.
906
01:12:47,075 --> 01:12:50,162
- Nice one.
- Come on, then.
907
01:12:50,245 --> 01:12:52,706
- Have you got some time off?
- Nah.
908
01:12:52,789 --> 01:12:55,459
Fucking pick'n'mix
were driving me crazy.
909
01:12:55,542 --> 01:12:57,586
Besides, it's a funeral.
910
01:12:57,711 --> 01:13:00,631
- Are you ready?
- Ready when you are.
911
01:14:10,909 --> 01:14:13,120
They bloody are, you know.
912
01:14:13,203 --> 01:14:15,247
They're holding hands.
913
01:14:15,330 --> 01:14:17,833
- They're never.
- Straight up.
914
01:14:18,834 --> 01:14:21,295
I never even hold hands with ruddy lassies.
915
01:14:21,420 --> 01:14:23,297
Maybe I should.
916
01:14:23,422 --> 01:14:27,384
Ah, who'd have ruddy thought it, eh?
917
01:14:29,636 --> 01:14:32,556
Ah, well. There's nowt as queer as folk.
918
01:14:35,517 --> 01:14:38,270
I said, "There's nowt as queer as folk"!
919
01:14:38,395 --> 01:14:41,398
Shut up, Dave.
It's supposed to be a bloody funeral.
920
01:14:41,523 --> 01:14:44,193
I'm sorry.
921
01:14:52,826 --> 01:14:55,662
- 'Ey, look! Who's that?
- It's that guy!
922
01:14:55,746 --> 01:14:57,789
Show us your pecs!
923
01:15:00,751 --> 01:15:03,837
They were together in the paper,
weren't they?
924
01:15:08,258 --> 01:15:12,095
Have you been actively seeking work
over the last fortnight?
925
01:15:12,221 --> 01:15:13,430
Yeah.
926
01:15:13,555 --> 01:15:17,059
Have you done any work,
paid or unpaid, over the last fortnight?
927
01:15:17,184 --> 01:15:18,811
No.
928
01:15:20,854 --> 01:15:23,524
That's not what I've heard.
929
01:16:12,239 --> 01:16:15,075
Right, come on, you lot!
930
01:16:17,661 --> 01:16:19,371
"Slaidburn."
931
01:16:22,708 --> 01:16:25,544
One, two, three, four.
932
01:17:04,833 --> 01:17:07,669
- Go get shagged!
- Get your knickers off!
933
01:17:12,674 --> 01:17:14,718
Oh, fuck!
934
01:17:15,052 --> 01:17:17,095
Hey, Patricia the Stripper!
935
01:17:17,930 --> 01:17:21,016
- Bugger off.
- Where have you bloody been?
936
01:17:21,099 --> 01:17:24,812
What's going on? I had to buy 20 barrels!
I've had no word from you!
937
01:17:24,937 --> 01:17:27,147
I hope they're sale or return.
938
01:17:27,272 --> 01:17:30,108
You're joking! You're bloody famous!
939
01:17:30,234 --> 01:17:32,486
Yeah, don't remind me.
940
01:17:32,611 --> 01:17:36,240
- I've sold 200-odd tickets!
- How many?
941
01:17:36,365 --> 01:17:38,408
Well done, Gerald. All the best.
942
01:17:38,534 --> 01:17:40,661
Hey! Example for you there!
943
01:17:45,374 --> 01:17:48,293
- Nice suit, Gerald!
- Yeah.
944
01:17:48,377 --> 01:17:50,420
Well, I... I'd best be off.
945
01:17:50,546 --> 01:17:54,216
You never know,
there might be ajob in it for you boys.
946
01:17:54,299 --> 01:17:56,343
- All right, lads?
- All right, Gaz?
947
01:17:56,468 --> 01:17:59,138
- Gareth.
- We're on.
948
01:17:59,221 --> 01:18:01,265
We're bloody on!
949
01:18:01,348 --> 01:18:05,185
- You what?
- We've sold 200 tickets. That's two grand!
950
01:18:05,269 --> 01:18:08,856
It's a bit late for all that, Gaz.
I mean...
951
01:18:08,939 --> 01:18:10,983
I mean fresh start, you know.
952
01:18:11,108 --> 01:18:13,152
One more time, Gerald.
953
01:18:13,277 --> 01:18:16,530
You've got the rest of your fucking life
to wear a suit!
954
01:18:16,613 --> 01:18:18,657
- Gerald...
- Aye, go on!
955
01:18:18,782 --> 01:18:20,325
Come on, Gerald.
956
01:18:23,579 --> 01:18:25,622
- Just once.
- Yes!
957
01:18:25,747 --> 01:18:27,958
That's all. Just tonight.
958
01:18:29,793 --> 01:18:32,004
How about it, Dave?
959
01:18:33,088 --> 01:18:35,632
Haven't you grown out of all that yet?
960
01:18:35,757 --> 01:18:38,051
Come on, mate.
961
01:18:39,261 --> 01:18:41,722
Nah. Sorry, lads.
962
01:18:50,189 --> 01:18:52,232
Jean?
963
01:18:54,151 --> 01:18:56,195
Jean, love!
964
01:19:03,327 --> 01:19:05,370
There you are.
965
01:19:09,958 --> 01:19:13,879
I should have guessed
when you started wearing totty lotion.
966
01:19:14,004 --> 01:19:16,048
You never put it on for me, did you?
967
01:19:17,049 --> 01:19:19,092
- Jean?
- Or this?
968
01:19:20,844 --> 01:19:23,931
I never had you down
for this sort of caper, David.
969
01:19:25,015 --> 01:19:27,684
It explains a few things, at least.
970
01:19:27,810 --> 01:19:30,229
No, look...
I know it don't look good.
971
01:19:30,354 --> 01:19:32,564
You're bloody right it don't.
972
01:19:33,732 --> 01:19:36,485
All those nights you were late back
973
01:19:36,568 --> 01:19:40,614
and stupid cow here thought
you were out looking for ajob!
974
01:19:40,697 --> 01:19:42,741
Well, no wonder.
975
01:19:42,825 --> 01:19:44,868
No bloody wonder.
976
01:19:45,118 --> 01:19:48,455
- It's so obvious.
- No, I were with Gaz, honest.
977
01:19:48,580 --> 01:19:52,334
Oh, right!
She's one of Gaz's little tarts, is she?
978
01:19:52,459 --> 01:19:54,503
Well, that makes sense.
979
01:19:54,628 --> 01:19:57,381
She'd have to be
to put up with this kind of shit!
980
01:20:00,968 --> 01:20:04,930
Just listen, will you?!
It's nowt to do with any fucking women!
981
01:20:07,182 --> 01:20:09,226
I'm...
982
01:20:09,351 --> 01:20:11,395
I were a stripper, right?
983
01:20:11,520 --> 01:20:17,276
Me and Gaz and... some fellas thought
we'd make a bob or two taking us clothes off.
984
01:20:19,653 --> 01:20:21,697
Strippers?
985
01:20:21,822 --> 01:20:23,949
All right, all right, I know.
986
01:20:24,074 --> 01:20:26,910
You... and Gaz?
987
01:20:26,994 --> 01:20:29,037
Strippers?
988
01:20:29,163 --> 01:20:31,206
We weren't that bad.
989
01:20:33,292 --> 01:20:35,669
Only I couldn't, could I?
990
01:20:35,752 --> 01:20:37,796
Why not?
991
01:20:38,839 --> 01:20:40,883
Well, look at me.
992
01:20:42,968 --> 01:20:45,012
So?
993
01:20:46,180 --> 01:20:48,849
Jeanie, who wants to see this dance?
994
01:20:51,768 --> 01:20:53,812
Me, Dave.
995
01:20:54,980 --> 01:20:57,024
I do.
996
01:21:20,923 --> 01:21:22,966
Women only, you tosser!
997
01:21:23,091 --> 01:21:26,678
Women only!
It's on all t' posters, for fuck's sake.
998
01:21:26,762 --> 01:21:28,388
No, nobody told me.
999
01:21:28,514 --> 01:21:31,058
All the blokes from t' pub are in there.
1000
01:21:31,558 --> 01:21:35,437
- Bastards!
- You'll be all right once you're on stage.
1001
01:21:35,562 --> 01:21:37,606
Once I'm on stage?
1002
01:21:37,731 --> 01:21:43,153
I'm going nowhere near the fucking stage!
It's suicide! That's what it is! Suicide!
1003
01:21:51,954 --> 01:21:54,706
Come on, come on! Come on, come on!
1004
01:21:54,832 --> 01:21:57,376
Come on, come on! Come on!
1005
01:21:58,252 --> 01:22:00,212
Shit! I'll give the money back.
1006
01:22:00,337 --> 01:22:02,214
Alan, announce it, please.
1007
01:22:02,339 --> 01:22:05,008
To 400 horny punters?
Ask me another one, kid!
1008
01:22:05,759 --> 01:22:07,386
By 'eck!
1009
01:22:07,469 --> 01:22:10,556
Our old dinner lady's ont' front row!
1010
01:22:10,681 --> 01:22:13,684
- We'll get torn to pieces!
- You will if you don't go on!
1011
01:22:13,767 --> 01:22:16,687
Ever seen a zebra brought down
by a pack of wolves?
1012
01:22:16,812 --> 01:22:21,275
- These nature films. Aren't they marvellous?
- Brilliant, aren't they?
1013
01:22:21,400 --> 01:22:24,403
- They are, aren't they, Gerald?
- Oh, pack it in!
1014
01:22:24,486 --> 01:22:27,656
- Not lost your bottle, have you, Gaz?
- Dave!
1015
01:22:27,739 --> 01:22:30,659
There were nowt on telly
so I thought I'd give it a go.
1016
01:22:30,742 --> 01:22:34,454
- I found this wandering about outside.
- They wouldn't let me in.
1017
01:22:34,580 --> 01:22:37,583
What the hell are you doing 'ere?
Your mum'll go mad!
1018
01:22:37,666 --> 01:22:39,710
- She's out front.
- Is she?
1019
01:22:39,835 --> 01:22:41,879
Is Barry with her?
1020
01:22:42,004 --> 01:22:44,756
She wouldn't let him come.
Said it were women only.
1021
01:22:44,882 --> 01:22:47,885
Right! I can't hold them any longer!
It's now or never!
1022
01:22:48,469 --> 01:22:50,512
Here we go. We're bloody on.
1023
01:22:50,637 --> 01:22:52,931
Go get yourjacket on.
1024
01:22:56,101 --> 01:22:58,604
Can't we leave us G-strings on, Gaz?
1025
01:22:58,729 --> 01:23:00,772
Perhaps you better had.
1026
01:23:00,898 --> 01:23:02,941
No, we better hadn't.
1027
01:23:03,066 --> 01:23:06,403
Listen.
If we're doing this, then just this once,
1028
01:23:06,487 --> 01:23:08,530
we're doing it right.
1029
01:23:08,655 --> 01:23:10,532
Now, come on.
1030
01:23:11,742 --> 01:23:14,578
Come on, put your hands together
1031
01:23:14,661 --> 01:23:16,955
and welcome Mr Dave Horsefall!
1032
01:23:26,548 --> 01:23:29,968
OK, ladies and gents...
and you buggers up the back there!
1033
01:23:31,011 --> 01:23:32,387
Get on with it!
1034
01:23:32,471 --> 01:23:36,934
We may not be young, we may not be pretty,
we may not be right good,
1035
01:23:37,059 --> 01:23:39,186
but we're here.
1036
01:23:39,269 --> 01:23:41,605
We're live, and for one night only
1037
01:23:41,730 --> 01:23:44,650
we're going for the full monty!
1038
01:23:46,151 --> 01:23:48,529
You can't miss it, not after everything.
1039
01:23:49,696 --> 01:23:53,200
- Come on, Gaz! Hurry up!
- Sorry, lads.
1040
01:23:55,202 --> 01:23:57,412
Good luck, eh?
1041
01:24:26,859 --> 01:24:28,902
Listen.
1042
01:24:29,027 --> 01:24:31,155
I'm gonna get really annoyed with you.
1043
01:24:31,238 --> 01:24:33,532
They're cheering out there. You did that.
1044
01:24:33,657 --> 01:24:35,868
Now get out there and do your stuff.
1045
01:24:35,993 --> 01:24:38,537
God, is there anyone
I don't get bollocked by?
1046
01:24:38,662 --> 01:24:40,706
Out!
1047
01:26:33,402 --> 01:26:35,445
Off! Off! Off!
1048
01:26:59,386 --> 01:27:01,972
Off, off, off!
1049
01:27:02,097 --> 01:27:03,098
Yeah!
1050
01:27:48,477 --> 01:27:50,938
Subtitles by Visiontext
1051
01:27:51,104 --> 01:27:53,148
ENGLISH
77929
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