Original subtitles

Keep your eyes shut for the surprise.

Wait, I've guessed it, the boat has gone.

Even better.

Open your eyes.

Here it is, Billie's Bar.

It's on the boat forever.

Yeah, the boat's here to stay.

You're opening a bar on my driveway.

Yeah, it's a pop-up. It saves on a liquor license.

There's different rules at sea.

Totally. Meant we could put more money on, um...

Wait, what did my loan actually go on, Nicky?

-Drink, my lady? -[both giggle]

Where will the people go?

I was thinking they could just sort of stand there

so I can sing for them.

I thought Dev was taking the boat.

Well, he hasn't taken it yet.

I don't want a bar on my driveway.

I think you do.

Oh, come on, Mum, live a little.

So much for the grand opening.

[♪ rock music playing]

To new beginnings and being together forever.

Apart from Deb and Dev.

[siren wailing]

[Billie] How do you turn this up, Nicky?

-Nicky? -[gate clatters]

[siren wailing]

[indistinct radio chatter]

Look, if this is about HMRC, I'm sorry,

but the maths is just too hard.

We're here for the arrest of Nicholas Taylor.

Who?

-[whispers] Nicky. -Oh.

Ohh!

Is this about all the coke and loans?

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[♪ bright, upbeat music playing]

[chuckles] Um, got something to tell you.

You'll probably want to sit down.

Um, me and Claire--

God, Seb, what do you want now? I'm already having your son.

You're right. Of course, I'm sorry.

Last thing you need is more stress, um.

-I'll see you this afternoon. -What's this afternoon?

I've booked a scan.

I did tell you, for our son, just to check he's healthy.

Well, he's definitely in there, if that's what you're wondering.

[Seb] I know we're keeping it a secret,

but can't wait to meet him.

[excited squealing]

[squeals forcibly]

-[whimpers] -[door closes]

Fuck was that about?

I've told him I'm pregnant.

What?

I don't know, I panicked.

He was talking about leaving, and I just said it.

And now I've got to go for a fucking scan.

What am I going to do when there's no fucking baby?

Maybe he won't notice, they are really small.

Aren't you going to just, you know, tell me to break up with him?

I've given up. You never will.

Unless someone literally hands you a reason

to end it, you're with him for life.

You didn't confront Dad, and you won't confront Seb.

That's your DNA. Accept it.

Now, back to me, do I look incredible?

Uh, yeah, why are you so dressed up?

They found Nicky. I've got to go in for questioning later,

and I need to remind him how fit I am

so he'll get street cred with his inmates.

And you never suspected he might get arrested?

Uh, bit of sympathy, please. I'm about to be a prison wife.

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

-Don't be. It's brilliant. -So you're not worried then?

Oh, I mean, it has its perks.

I know exactly where he is, and there's no women allowed.

Last time I let him out of my sight, he got confused and ended up impregnating

a hideous blonde girl with horrible eyebrows.

I can't have that happening again!

Well, Billie, you've chosen a man exactly like your father.

Any excuse to leave you in the lurch.

-He was arrested. -Any excuse, just like your father.

Yeah, well, at least Nicky didn't take Daddy the Cat.

Daddy was such a beautiful boy.

I miss hearing his little bell as he comes through the cat flap.

And I miss mum shoving me through the cat flap

when she forgot her keys.

How does he sleep at night?

He's left me and the boat and all the boxes.

All I wanted was a nice man and a nice car

on a nice street where all the houses look the same.

Is that too much to ask?

Yes, Mum. Yes, it is.

We've got a lovely house already.

We're not going anywhere. We'll be fine.

[doorbell rings]

Okay, since you've not been replying to your letters,

and the court has issued a warrant of possession,

and then a notice of eviction,

your house is now being repossessed.

I've never had any letters.

How strange.

Could I interest you in a boat or a car?

-Are they yours? -The boat is Dev's,

and the car is mine, but not legally.

Okay, if they're not yours, I can't take them.

You are very attractive, did you know that?

Not the feminine wiles.

Please, put your wiles away.

I don't want to file another harassment report.

I'll be back by the end of the day.

Is there anything I can do?

Not unless you've got the money you own mortgage repayments.

Uh-oh, have I been a naughty girl?

Please, miss, I've got a family.

[♪ lively music playing]

Before you ask, I'm not saying anything until I've spoken to a lawyer.

I have the right to remain silent.

A report came in yesterday from a young woman

accusing Nicholas of financial coercion.

Well, this Bianca sounds like a sneaky lying bitch,

and ugly.

We never mentioned a Bianca.

We've had reports he's put a number of people

into debt with scam operations.

Do you know anything about that?

Uh, yeah, that's just his personality.

He's a bad boy.

He's also extremely fit.

Are you aware he's been a missing person?

He's been lying low with me while we get started

on running my cabaret bar.

He says I'm an incredible singer,

I just need to fund the record deal.

Have you heard of financial coercion?

Have you heard of true love?

Sometimes, when a partner starts using psychological methods

to get their partner to question their own sanity,

it can be known as gaslighting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll level with you,

I know I've been getting coerced.

I know I've been gaslit.

But have you ever had someone love you so much

they'd literally bend reality for you?

He's creating worlds for me.

This a microphone?

-[officer] Yeah. -♪ A whole new world ♪

♪ A new fantastic point of view ♪

God, the acoustics in here are incredible!

Look, all I'm saying is that

he's a bit of a cheeky chappy, yeah,

but he's not a bad guy.

Just give him an ankle tag and send him back to me.

I'll keep an eye on him.

I know how overcrowded your prisons are.

We're going to have to ask you to write a statement.

-No, thank you. -You have to.

Now, that's coercion, am I right?

Ooh, someone's jealous!

-[doorbell rings] -Fucking hell,

you vultures are obsessed with me!

What do you want to take now? You've already taken the fucking house!

Just fuck off!

Hello, Deb.

Are you here for the boxes?

No, I'll-I'll come back for those later today.

I'm just here to grab the essentials for my house.

-Right, that's everything. -Your house?

Yeah. Never sold.

Sometimes you have to take a step back to take a step forward.

It's almost like I'm back to exactly who I was before.

Right back to my old self again.

Right, I'll be off.

Got to be at work in a minute.

-Work? -You were right, Deb.

I've realized who I am.

I'm my division's team leader of communications

at Drayton Hicks.

I took the promotion.

We have a saying at work, communication is key.

And I'm not going to say any more than that.

You know, we were supposed to get married today.

I don't know if I've ever canceled the booking.

I'd still like to.

-What? -I'd still like to marry you.

I've changed my mind, Dev,

I love you, and I want to be with you.

-Please don't go. -[Dev] Sorry, darling.

I don't deserve to be with a woman like you.

Yes, you do.

Oh, Deb, I love you,

but you deserve better than me.

No, I don't. Marry me.

I need to think about this.

I should be at work.

Is that yours?

It's a company car.

A bit flashy for my taste, but it gets me from A to B.

Goodbye, Deb.

I'm sorry I let you down.

Dev?

Dev!

Wait!

-[♪ light music playing] -Dev.

Oh, baby, what have they done to you?

They're saying I could be done for life.

Oh, my God, really?

Billie, listen...

I need to send you on a special mission.

They might let me out of here,

but I'm going to need a really expensive lawyer...

and you need to get me the money.

Please, you're my whole world.

A Wonga loan should sort it.

But I didn't pass my credit check,

and I can't take out another loan in Josie's name.

We have love, isn't that enough?

If you love me, you do it.

How much do you need?

[kids shouting]

Can I have a raise?

I need 20,000 pounds now.

No.

Right. Well, I'm taking an early lunch.

[Josie] Claire?

I fucked it.

I'm fucking stuck!

I'm going to have my husband's baby,

and I've got no excuse to leave him.

None.

Right. Yeah.

Uh, as your best friend, I need to tell you--

Claire, stop blathering on and listen to me!

I'm stuck with Seb,

and I'm going to have to have his fucking baby.

Josie, please, I have to tell you something.

What is it?

Me and Seb kissed.

-Are you joking? -I'm so sorry.

We got caught up.

All those late nights at book club.

I know, I'm a complete slag!

Such a slut!

I can't believe it.

I'm a common whore.

[Claire whimpers]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Claire] Um...

You really are the best friend I've ever had.

Well, uh... you're welcome.

I quit.

I don't even like books.

I think they're for losers.

We've got phones now. Ever heard of them?

[books clatter]

[Billie moaning]

I didn't think you could get hard this late in the day.

It's 9:00 a.m. somewhere.

God, I was good, wasn't I?

Priceless.

Tell me that wasn't a five figure fuck

transferred into my account ASAP.

I'm so glad you called.

I couldn't stop thinking about you.

That's nice.

Can I have my money now?

I've left her.

-You've done what? -I've left my wife.

-Why have you done that? -'Cause I love you.

Oh, this is awkward.

I think I was just here for the money.

And, Billie, I don't have any.

It was my wife's money, I've left all that behind for you.

Right.

But you're still going to pay me.

[chuckles] It's not about money with us, never has been.

This is all I have left.

And you're still sat here

because you love me, and I love you.

How much do you love me? Prove it.

I give it all to you right now.

That's how much I know you'll stay.

Go on then.

Really?

If you love me, you'll do it.

[door slams]

Fucking nonce!

Filing cabinets.

Staples.

Be careful, they know how many are in there.

Did work here for 29 years.

[Seb] It's kind of like you never left.

Back to the old Dev.

Your old life, not your old wife, uh...

because that one is dead.

Oh, God.

Love ain't easy.

Do you think Josie will stay with me until she dies?

You two are soulmates.

Don't give up.

You can't fail Josie the way I failed Deb.

I'll probably never see her again.

-Hello, darling. -[Dev gasps]

[phone ringing]

I've done it.

I've got 175 pounds.

I'd like the best lawyer in Britain.

Please don't put Nicky down for life.

-What? -Please release him.

-He's not done anything wrong. -We have released him.

It was only for questioning. He's gone.

-You didn't even tag him. -No.

Well, what was the point in fucking reporting him

if you're just going to let him go?

Sorry, you were the one who reported him?

Yes. But now I don't know why I bothered.

Not to be a bitch,

but I'd know where he was if you'd given him a bloody tag.

[♪ lively music playing]

There's Daddy!

I can't wait to have our baby.

Ugh, you're going to be such an amazing dad.

You'd never do anything to hurt me.

I love you.

Promise I won't let you down.

Um, I don't quite know how to say this, but there's--

Stop! I know what you're going to say.

We lost it.

What?

I knew something was really, really wrong.

Mother's intuition.

My body's been under so much stress.

Is there anything that could have happened, Seb?

Anything at all that might have stressed me out?

Anything?

Okay.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, Josie.

-This is my fault. -Don't be silly, my love.

You wouldn't do anything to harm our baby.

This is what we want!

You wouldn't throw all that away, would you?

You wouldn't throw away our son.

You're his number one dad.

-I kissed Claire. -[Josie gasps dramatically]

I did this. I'm sorry.

Well, you shocked me there.

It was late night, a book club, we were the last two there.

It was a rousing discussion about Sense and Sensibility,

and our imaginations led us astray, but I'm sorry.

I can never forgive myself.

I don't deserve you.

Well, I guess you don't.

Look at what you've done.

Sorry, to be very clear, I don't think there ever was a viable--

I have been so loyal to this man.

I thought our vows were sacred.

You've made a mockery of this marriage.

How fucking shameful!

I thought we were soulmates!

[door closes]

[Seb sighs]

[♪ bright music playing]

[giggles]

Just wanted to see you in your natural habitat.

Uh, well, Deb, this is a lovely surprise,

but, um, i-i-it's my first day back and I've got a lot of work to do.

[objects clattering]

Show me where you answer the phone.

Well, I sort of sit here

and I answer it like this.

Hello,

Drayton Hicks, team leader of communications speaking.

[Deb moans]

Do you want to, do you want to see where I send emails?

I could show you how to do a mail merge.

[Deb moans]

And where do you keep your pay slips?

Uh, that's my wallet.

I know.

[phone ringing]

[Dev] Whoa! [groaning]

[Billie] Wow. So Dad lives here?

I followed him home from the high street.

-He was having lunch. -What was he having?

Does it matter?

I don't know, I just wonder where he likes to eat.

Did you say anything?

No, I was too scared.

Poor guy, he's probably desperate to ask where I am.

What did he look like?

He looked good.

Bless him.

Putting on a brave face for me.

Shit, this house is annoyingly nice.

Agreed. Let's go home.

Come on!

This is the confrontation you've always fucking wanted.

And a chance for him to tell me how much he loves me

and leaving me was the biggest mistake of his life.

-Billie! -[doorbell ringing]

I don't think he's inside.

Alright, come on then.

A garden, eh?

Well, no flowers, must be miserable.

[pot shatters]

His life is so sad.

If he's not in, I just want to see what his house is like.

Oh, well, we tried, let's go home.

Come on, Josie, don't you want to see what a miserable life he has?

This is our final revenge.

Yeah, okay, yeah, let's do it.

[Billie] Now, how do we get in?

The cat flap!

Finally, a chance to use my big long spider limbs!

You wish you could fit through there.

Just watch me.

[Josie grunting]

[glass shatters]

Yeah, okay.

This is the house of a sad man.

Who paints their walls sunshine yellow unless they're hiding something?

I was expecting there to be pictures of me.

-You mean of us? -Yeah, right.

This is so weird.

Dad likes bran flakes.

I knew he was a psychopath.

-A fruit bowl? -What a sick pervert.

[gasps] Daddy!

[Josie] Wow, I almost didn't recognize him.

Oh, he's beautiful.

All this time, I thought he was dead, but Daddy's not dead.

Daddy's alive.

Do you think Dad's life might be really, really nice?

It's all fake. It's not real.

You only try this hard when you're hiding a desperate life

full of regret and misery.

I've seen enough.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I wish you'd told me how much all of this turns you on.

My sexy office man.

He's a real hunter-gatherer.

Looking after his woman.

Speaking of, I really should be getting on.

Well, try and clock off early,

we're getting married later.

-Really? -Yes, Dev, really.

Okay, then.

My sexy office man!

[♪ lively music playing]

Yeah, nice. Really sinister.

You're a true artist.

-[lock clicks] -[dad] Okay, yeah, I'll get dinner on.

Shit!

[Billie] Go, go!

Can't wait to see his smug fucking face.

That's not Dad.

You said you followed him home!

It's not my fault all these posh houses look

the fucking same!

We've just vandalized a lovely young family's house.

We're going to be in trouble?

Yeah.

Oh well, at least we found Daddy the Cat.

Just as beautiful as the day dad took him.

Um, Billie, that's not...

Yeah.

Yeah, we did.

[♪ lively music playing]

Fucking hell, this is triggering my PTSD.

I know, it's brilliant.

They let us have the venue on discount

if we use the same decorations.

I'm so glad Daddy's here for this one.

Well, I think I know your answer to shag, marry, kill.

It's m-marry Deb, right?

Keep an eye on this one, eh?

'Cause, you know, the last one... [clicks tongue]

Thanks for being my best man.

Second best man to you.

[Dev exhales sharply]

How lucky are you that Deb wants to get married

the minute you get your job back.

Yeah.

Eh?

[exhales sharply] What a relief.

Here he is, the man of the hour.

My working man.

Deb, can we just have a chat?

So exciting!

Logistics wise, I was thinking if you're hiring a van

to pick up your stuff later,

maybe it could take the rest of our things too.

Why? Why would it do that?

Well, I should think we'd come and live with you

in your massive house.

After we're married, it just feels right.

Yeah, right, right. Yeah, yeah, of course.

[Deb squealing]

[officiant] Repeat after me:

"I, Deb, take Dev to be my wedded husband.

"To have and to hold from this day forward,

"for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,

"in sickness and in health,

till death do us part."

I, Deb, take Dev to be my wedded husband,

to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better, for worse, for richer.

-For poorer. -That won't be necessary.

Okay, hold on. Sorry, sorry.

Um, Deb, please, can we have a second?

I have to ask.

Tell me the truth.

Do you just like me for my money?

No, of course not. I love you.

But what do you love about me?

What do you mean?

Well, tell me something you love about me.

Well, there was that time you paid for petrol.

Well, no, actually, you asked me to transfer you for that.

Girls, what are we always saying about Dev?

So, so many things.

How can I choose just one?

-He was the best, best man-- -qNot from you, Seb.

You can't think of anything, can you?

I'm sorry, darling, I am trying.

Right.

I think that's all I needed to hear.

I'm not just a walking checkbook, Deb...

I'm a man.

And I'll be expecting half for the room hire.

I'm going with him.

It's over, Josie.

The doctor said there was never even a baby inside you,

and I'm beginning to doubt

whether I'm even the love of your life...

'cause I've done so much for you.

Like what?

Trust me. I've done loads.

So much, I can't th-- I can't think of any right now,

but I-- I'm done chasing you.

It's over.

Don't follow me.

Se-Seriously, I mean it.

You better not chase me.

Would you excuse us for a second?

Fucking bastard!

[Deb screaming]

[Deb crying]

[♪ bright music playing]

[cans rattling]

Wow.

Forgot just how massive your house is.

So much space.

I know.

Like I said, too much for one man.

Can't help but think it would've been a lot more convenient

if we'd all moved in here to begin with.

Yes, that did cross my mind.

But Deb never showed any interest.

-Women. -[laughs]

It's funny we spend all this time worrying about them,

but what about us?

What about men?

You're right, Dev.

It's time people listen to what we have to say for once.

I never know when the right time is to ask this sort of thing.

But do you think we should start a podcast?

He took the boat.

He took the boxes.

And he didn't even fix the void.

That void's going to be there forever.

Do you think maybe the void is inside us?

Shut the fuck up, Josie!

Literally, just for once in your life,

shut your fucking mouth!

Shut the fuck up!

No one cares what you have to say!

[laughs] Thanks, Billie.

That's cheered me right up.

I really thought he was going to marry me, I really did.

Mum, and I say this with kindness,

he's a prick who never pays for anything.

Good thing I took this, then.

That's my girl.

-Right, looks like dinner's on Dev. -[wallet thumps]

[doors close]

We're going out the back door, girls.

[Billie] Where are we going for dinner, then?

I'm in the mood for something expensive.

We don't need men.

We're better off without them.

[Billie] You know you're still married, yeah?

Oh, fuck's sake!

[♪ "Laissez Faire" by Michel Lepop playing]