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♪ He rode a blazing saddle ♪
2
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♪ He wore a shining star ♪
3
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♪ His job to offer battle ♪
4
00:00:46,265 --> 00:00:49,288
♪ To bad men near and far ♪
5
00:00:50,038 --> 00:00:53,350
♪ He conquered fear and he conquered hate ♪
6
00:00:53,436 --> 00:00:56,803
♪ He turned our night into day ♪
7
00:00:56,913 --> 00:01:00,202
♪ He made his blazing saddle ♪
8
00:01:00,421 --> 00:01:03,975
♪ A torch to light the way ♪
9
00:01:06,221 --> 00:01:09,512
♪ When outlaws rule the West ♪
10
00:01:09,582 --> 00:01:12,707
♪ And fear fills the land ♪
11
00:01:13,410 --> 00:01:16,894
♪ A cry went up for a man with guts ♪
12
00:01:17,004 --> 00:01:20,339
♪ To take the West in hand ♪
13
00:01:20,465 --> 00:01:23,902
♪ They needed a man who was brave and true ♪
14
00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:27,402
♪ With justice for all as his aim ♪
15
00:01:27,574 --> 00:01:31,339
♪ Then out of the sun rode a man with a gun ♪
16
00:01:31,448 --> 00:01:34,277
♪ And Bart
Was his name ♪
17
00:01:34,682 --> 00:01:39,471
♪ Yes, Bart was his name ♪
18
00:01:40,013 --> 00:01:43,505
♪ He rode a blazing saddle ♪
19
00:01:43,654 --> 00:01:47,075
♪ He wore a shining star ♪
20
00:01:47,295 --> 00:01:50,607
♪ His job to offer battle ♪
21
00:01:51,029 --> 00:01:54,224
♪ To bad men near and far ♪
22
00:01:55,037 --> 00:01:58,599
♪ He conquered fear and he conquered hate ♪
23
00:01:58,654 --> 00:02:01,872
♪ He turned our night into day ♪
24
00:02:01,966 --> 00:02:05,310
♪ He made his blazing saddle ♪
25
00:02:05,397 --> 00:02:15,149
♪ A torch to light the way ♪
26
00:02:45,254 --> 00:02:46,778
Come on, boys!
27
00:02:47,623 --> 00:02:51,616
The way you're lollygagging around here
with them picks and them shovels...
28
00:02:52,061 --> 00:02:54,689
you'd think it was 120°...
29
00:02:55,297 --> 00:02:58,391
It can't be more than 114.
30
00:03:01,604 --> 00:03:04,971
Dock that Chink a day's pay
for napping on the job.
31
00:03:05,104 --> 00:03:06,151
Yes, sir.
32
00:03:07,710 --> 00:03:12,409
Now, come on, boys, where's your
spirit? I don't hear no singing.
33
00:03:13,115 --> 00:03:16,448
When you were slaves,
you sang like birds.
34
00:03:17,086 --> 00:03:19,646
Go on. How about a good
old nigger work song?
35
00:03:28,530 --> 00:03:32,796
♪ I get no kick from champagne ♪
36
00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:42,105
♪ Mere alcohol
Doesn't thrill me at all ♪
37
00:03:42,344 --> 00:03:45,905
♪ So tell me why should it be true ♪
38
00:03:47,983 --> 00:03:51,976
♪ That I get a belt out of you? ♪
39
00:03:55,691 --> 00:04:02,047
♪ Some get a kick from cocaine ♪
40
00:04:02,148 --> 00:04:03,093
Hold it! Hold it!
41
00:04:03,198 --> 00:04:05,462
What the hell is that shit?
42
00:04:07,202 --> 00:04:11,070
I meant a song. A real song.
43
00:04:11,540 --> 00:04:12,700
Something like...
44
00:04:13,208 --> 00:04:20,372
♪ Swing low, sweet chariot ♪
45
00:04:21,198 --> 00:04:23,029
Swing low? Sweet chariot?
46
00:04:23,152 --> 00:04:24,483
Don't know that one, huh?
47
00:04:25,619 --> 00:04:29,016
Well, how about "De Camp Town Ladies"?
48
00:04:30,225 --> 00:04:32,716
"De Camp Town Ladies"?
49
00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:35,891
"De Camp Town Ladies"?
50
00:04:36,065 --> 00:04:37,157
Oh, you know.
51
00:04:38,334 --> 00:04:43,654
♪ De Camp Town Ladies sing this song
Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
52
00:04:43,739 --> 00:04:47,505
♪ De Camp Town race track five miles long
Oh, doo-dah day! ♪
53
00:04:48,077 --> 00:04:51,672
♪ Gwine to run all night
Gwine to run all day ♪
54
00:04:51,972 --> 00:04:56,259
♪ Bet my money on de bob-tail nag
Somebody bet on the bay! ♪
55
00:04:56,291 --> 00:05:00,119
♪ Gwine to run all night
Gwine to run all day ♪
56
00:05:00,205 --> 00:05:02,548
♪ I'll bet my money on de bob-tail nag ♪
57
00:05:05,361 --> 00:05:09,195
What in the wide, wide world
of sports is going on here?
58
00:05:09,465 --> 00:05:12,093
I hired you people to try to get
a little track laid...
59
00:05:12,434 --> 00:05:15,528
not to jump around like a
bunch of Kansas City faggots!
60
00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:18,700
Sorry, Mr. Taggart. I-I guess
we kind of got caught up.
61
00:05:19,006 --> 00:05:23,091
Listen, dummy, the surveyors say they may
have run into some quicksand up ahead.
62
00:05:23,249 --> 00:05:24,221
Better check it out.
63
00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:27,112
Okay, I'll send down a team of
horses to check out the ground.
64
00:05:27,449 --> 00:05:32,113
Horses? Why, we can't afford to lose
no horses, you dummy!
65
00:05:32,721 --> 00:05:34,279
Send over a couple of niggers.
66
00:05:38,227 --> 00:05:39,785
You and you.
67
00:05:42,231 --> 00:05:45,462
Sir, he specifically requested
two niggers...
68
00:05:46,668 --> 00:05:50,764
but to tell a family secret,
my grandmother was a Dutch.
69
00:05:51,306 --> 00:05:54,298
Get on that hand car and take it
down to the end of that line!
70
00:05:54,643 --> 00:05:56,813
- Just trying to help you out.
- Get!
71
00:05:58,347 --> 00:06:00,611
I didn't know your grandma was Dutch!
72
00:06:04,477 --> 00:06:09,844
♪ Oh, de Camp Town Ladies sing this song
Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
73
00:06:09,991 --> 00:06:15,069
♪ Camp Town race track five miles long
Oh, doo-dah day ♪
74
00:06:15,164 --> 00:06:18,827
♪ Going to run all night
Gwine to run all day ♪
75
00:06:19,168 --> 00:06:23,002
♪ I waged my money on de bob-tail nag
Somebody bet on the bay! ♪
76
00:06:26,703 --> 00:06:28,148
- Bart?
- What?
77
00:06:28,458 --> 00:06:29,447
Am I wrong...
78
00:06:30,546 --> 00:06:33,674
or is the world rising?
79
00:06:33,982 --> 00:06:37,349
I don't know, but whatever
it is, I hate it.
80
00:06:39,855 --> 00:06:41,276
- Hey, Charlie.
- Hmm?
81
00:06:41,307 --> 00:06:42,501
Let me ask you something.
82
00:06:43,192 --> 00:06:47,856
What is it that's not exactly water,
and it ain't exactly earth?
83
00:06:49,031 --> 00:06:54,507
Quicksand!
84
00:06:55,504 --> 00:06:58,473
Oh, shit, quicksand!
85
00:06:59,541 --> 00:07:01,099
God-dang, now we are in trouble!
86
00:07:01,844 --> 00:07:03,175
They're in trouble!
87
00:07:04,803 --> 00:07:05,740
Lyle!
88
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,021
Get your rope there.
Get over there quick.
89
00:07:08,255 --> 00:07:09,497
All right, mr. Taggart.
90
00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:19,974
That's it. It's comin'.
91
00:07:21,497 --> 00:07:23,021
Dang, that was lucky.
92
00:07:23,499 --> 00:07:26,491
Dog-gone near lost a $400 hand cart.
93
00:07:33,408 --> 00:07:39,103
Yeah, we can take it right off to the...
just a little bit to the left of that hill over yonder.
94
00:07:39,234 --> 00:07:42,226
But we're going to die, Bart.
They're going to leave us here to die!
95
00:07:42,751 --> 00:07:46,152
Take it easy, Charlie.
My foot is on the rail.
96
00:07:52,261 --> 00:07:55,162
Then maybe down that canyon.
I think it's pretty level off there.
97
00:07:55,898 --> 00:07:58,867
We can't swing back to the right
'cause of that hill there.
98
00:07:59,167 --> 00:08:01,431
That looks like the way
we'll have to go from here.
99
00:08:02,371 --> 00:08:05,431
Yeah, we'll put her right down
through there over that ridge.
100
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:08,371
Come on!
101
00:08:10,779 --> 00:08:12,576
Well, boys, the break is over.
102
00:08:12,915 --> 00:08:15,179
Don't just lay there getting a suntan.
103
00:08:15,551 --> 00:08:17,542
Ain't gonn' do you no good, nohow!
104
00:08:19,621 --> 00:08:21,953
Take that shovel and put
her to some good use!
105
00:08:30,732 --> 00:08:31,391
What?
106
00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:33,034
Don't do that now!
107
00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:36,527
- Uh-uh, baby.
- No, don't do that.
108
00:08:36,623 --> 00:08:37,555
I have to.
109
00:08:37,639 --> 00:08:42,787
Send a wire to the main office
and tell them I said... Ow!
110
00:08:42,811 --> 00:08:48,029
Send wire, main office,
tell them I said, "Ow". Gotcha.
111
00:08:54,623 --> 00:08:58,059
And right here, Mr. Lamarr, is
where we ran into quicksand.
112
00:08:58,367 --> 00:09:00,418
Quicksand. Quicksand. Splendid.
113
00:09:01,496 --> 00:09:04,488
And so the rail road has got
to go through Rock Ridge.
114
00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:06,994
Rock Ridge. Rock Ridge. Splendid.
115
00:09:07,803 --> 00:09:08,997
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
116
00:09:09,371 --> 00:09:11,430
Rock Ridge. Rock Ridge.
117
00:09:11,772 --> 00:09:14,068
- Be still, Taggart. Be still.
- Yes, sir.
118
00:09:14,176 --> 00:09:18,510
My mind is aglow with whirling,
transient nodes of thought...
119
00:09:18,847 --> 00:09:22,010
careening through a
cosmic vapour of invention.
120
00:09:22,351 --> 00:09:23,010
Ditto!
121
00:09:25,787 --> 00:09:29,780
Ditto? Ditto, you provincial putz?
122
00:09:30,626 --> 00:09:31,615
I'm sorry, sir.
123
00:09:31,767 --> 00:09:34,829
A plan. A plan. We need a plan.
124
00:09:35,831 --> 00:09:37,458
What in the hell was that?
125
00:09:44,675 --> 00:09:45,511
Morris!
126
00:09:45,625 --> 00:09:47,252
We can't hear ourselves think!
127
00:09:50,846 --> 00:09:55,510
Sorry, your Worship, but I've got
two men home sick with the flu...
128
00:09:55,851 --> 00:09:58,120
and it's utter chaos down here.
129
00:09:58,220 --> 00:10:00,518
I'll try to keep it
as quiet as possible.
130
00:10:01,223 --> 00:10:02,850
But as you can see...
131
00:10:05,727 --> 00:10:07,718
this one is a doozey.
132
00:10:09,931 --> 00:10:13,298
Yes, the Doctor Gillespie killings.
Well, do your best.
133
00:10:18,373 --> 00:10:19,897
Well, let's see. Where were we?
134
00:10:20,242 --> 00:10:23,093
- Rock Ridge.
- Rock Ridge.
135
00:10:23,145 --> 00:10:26,512
Yes, when that rail road
goes through Rock Ridge...
136
00:10:26,848 --> 00:10:30,011
that land will be worth
millions, and I want it!
137
00:10:30,886 --> 00:10:35,152
I want that land so badly,
I can taste it.
138
00:10:37,926 --> 00:10:39,860
There must be a way.
139
00:10:41,997 --> 00:10:44,262
- Clumsy fool!
- I'm sorry.
140
00:10:44,299 --> 00:10:47,393
Wait a minute! There might
be a legal precedent.
141
00:10:47,836 --> 00:10:52,207
Of course! Land-snatching!
142
00:10:52,307 --> 00:10:55,470
Land. La-land. "See 'Snatch'."
143
00:10:58,513 --> 00:11:02,472
Haley vs. United States.
Haley, seven. United States, nothing.
144
00:11:02,818 --> 00:11:05,548
You see, it can be done.
It can be done.
145
00:11:06,321 --> 00:11:10,314
Unfortunately, there is one thing that
stands between me and that property.
146
00:11:10,659 --> 00:11:11,990
The rightful owners.
147
00:11:12,427 --> 00:11:15,597
There must be some way of scaring
them off, driving them out.
148
00:11:15,697 --> 00:11:18,257
Getting rid of every human being
alive in that...
149
00:11:19,668 --> 00:11:21,058
It's down the hall and to the left.
150
00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:22,770
- No. Sir, sir.
- What?
151
00:11:22,904 --> 00:11:23,768
I've got it!
152
00:11:24,072 --> 00:11:25,214
What? What? What?
153
00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:27,761
I know how we can run
everybody out of Rock Ridge.
154
00:11:27,879 --> 00:11:28,481
How?
155
00:11:28,577 --> 00:11:32,013
We'll kill the first-born male
child in every household!
156
00:11:33,949 --> 00:11:35,280
Too Jewish.
157
00:11:37,262 --> 00:11:40,527
- Let's see.
- I got it, I got it!
158
00:11:40,589 --> 00:11:42,682
We'll work up a Number Six on them!
159
00:11:42,791 --> 00:11:44,486
Number Six? I'm afraid I'm not familiar
with that one.
160
00:11:44,593 --> 00:11:46,857
That's where we go
riding into town...
161
00:11:47,195 --> 00:11:50,070
and a-whapping and a-whooping
every living thing...
162
00:11:50,124 --> 00:11:52,491
that moves within an inch
of its life!
163
00:11:52,601 --> 00:11:54,034
Except the women folks, of course.
164
00:11:54,369 --> 00:11:55,358
You spare the women?
165
00:11:55,704 --> 00:11:59,697
No, we rape the shit out of them
at the Number Six dance later on!
166
00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:02,202
That's marvellous! That's so creative!
167
00:12:03,545 --> 00:12:05,103
Why, Taggart, you've been hurt!
168
00:12:05,447 --> 00:12:08,541
Oh, that uppity nigger went'n hit me
on the head with a shovel.
169
00:12:10,085 --> 00:12:13,282
I'd sure appreciate it, sir, if
you could find it in your heart...
170
00:12:13,622 --> 00:12:16,614
to hang him up by his
neck until he was dead.
171
00:12:16,958 --> 00:12:18,448
Got him locked up downstairs.
172
00:12:18,794 --> 00:12:20,955
Consider it done, stout fellow.
173
00:12:25,042 --> 00:12:26,206
Morris?
174
00:12:29,571 --> 00:12:31,596
I've got a special.
When can you work him in?
175
00:12:31,973 --> 00:12:36,307
I couldn't possibly fit him in
until Monday, sir. I'm booked solid.
176
00:12:36,645 --> 00:12:38,135
Monday. Splendid.
177
00:12:44,186 --> 00:12:46,848
Thank you, sir.
And don't you worry.
178
00:12:47,255 --> 00:12:50,691
Why, we'll make Rock Ridge
think it's a chicken...
179
00:12:50,859 --> 00:12:53,623
that got caught in a tractor's nuts!
180
00:12:54,328 --> 00:12:55,468
Splendid!
181
00:12:57,250 --> 00:12:58,382
It's all right.
182
00:12:58,433 --> 00:13:02,301
It's all right, Taggart. Just a man
and a horse being hung out there.
183
00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:12,104
♪ There was a peaceful town called Rock Ridge ♪
184
00:13:13,682 --> 00:13:16,446
♪ Where people lived in harmony ♪
185
00:13:18,453 --> 00:13:21,513
♪ They never had no kind of trouble ♪
186
00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:26,021
♪ There was no hint of misery ♪
187
00:13:32,367 --> 00:13:34,801
♪ The town saloon was always lively ♪
188
00:13:36,338 --> 00:13:38,806
♪ But never nasty or obscene ♪
189
00:13:40,475 --> 00:13:42,807
♪ Behind the bar stood Anal Johnson ♪
190
00:13:44,379 --> 00:13:46,370
♪ He always kept things nice and clean! ♪
191
00:13:49,818 --> 00:13:51,581
♪ And all at once the trouble started ♪
192
00:13:52,754 --> 00:13:54,745
♪ A pack of murderers and thieves ♪
193
00:13:55,891 --> 00:13:57,882
♪ Like swarms of locusts they descended ♪
194
00:13:59,027 --> 00:14:01,511
♪ Their aim to make the townsfolk flee ♪
195
00:14:06,922 --> 00:14:07,719
Shit!
196
00:14:29,891 --> 00:14:31,381
Well, that's the end of this suit!
197
00:14:39,868 --> 00:14:42,803
Have you ever seen such cruelty?
198
00:14:46,207 --> 00:14:52,740
♪ Now is a time of great decision ♪
199
00:14:52,881 --> 00:14:59,298
♪ Are we to stay or up and quit? ♪
200
00:14:59,754 --> 00:15:05,781
♪ There's no avoiding this conclusion ♪
201
00:15:07,228 --> 00:15:13,554
♪ Our town is turning into shit ♪
202
00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:16,239
Be seated.
203
00:15:20,141 --> 00:15:22,132
Well, I don't have to tell you
good folks...
204
00:15:22,911 --> 00:15:25,744
what has been happening
here in our beloved little town.
205
00:15:27,148 --> 00:15:30,914
Sheriff murdered, crops burned...
206
00:15:31,419 --> 00:15:34,946
stores looted, people stampeded...
207
00:15:35,323 --> 00:15:37,086
and cattle raped!
208
00:15:39,327 --> 00:15:43,991
Now the time has come to act.
And act fast!
209
00:15:47,335 --> 00:15:48,427
I'm leaving.
210
00:15:49,104 --> 00:15:54,205
You get back here, you old
pious, candy-ass sidewinder!
211
00:15:54,509 --> 00:15:59,299
There ain't no way that nobody
is going to leave this town!
212
00:15:59,981 --> 00:16:03,610
Hell, I was born here
and I was raised here...
213
00:16:03,952 --> 00:16:06,216
and goddamn it,
I'm going to die here!
214
00:16:06,554 --> 00:16:10,149
And no sidewinder,
bushwhacking, hornswoggling...
215
00:16:10,492 --> 00:16:14,792
cracker croaker, is going
to ruin my biscuit-cutter!
216
00:16:21,503 --> 00:16:23,403
Now who can argue with that?
217
00:16:27,008 --> 00:16:29,306
I think we're all indebted
to Gabby Johnson...
218
00:16:29,711 --> 00:16:32,544
for clearly stating
what needed to be said.
219
00:16:33,481 --> 00:16:35,574
I'm particularly glad that
these lovely children...
220
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:37,411
were here today to hear that speech.
221
00:16:38,053 --> 00:16:41,216
Not only was it authentic
frontier gibberish...
222
00:16:41,990 --> 00:16:45,323
it expressed a courage
little seen in this day and age!
223
00:16:47,228 --> 00:16:48,661
What are we made of?
224
00:16:49,898 --> 00:16:52,196
Our fathers came across the prairie...
225
00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:56,330
fought Indians, fought drought,
fought locusts, fought Dix!
226
00:16:56,671 --> 00:17:00,334
Remember when Richard Dix came in here
and tried to take over this town?
227
00:17:01,342 --> 00:17:03,003
Well, we didn't give up then...
228
00:17:03,411 --> 00:17:07,609
and by gum, we're not
going to give up now!
229
00:17:13,354 --> 00:17:14,854
Olson Johnson is right!
230
00:17:15,423 --> 00:17:20,087
What kind of people are we, anyhow?
I say we stay and fight it out!
231
00:17:21,629 --> 00:17:25,895
Dr. Samuel Johnson is right about
Olson Johnson's being right.
232
00:17:26,234 --> 00:17:28,134
And I'm not giving up
my ice cream parlour...
233
00:17:28,236 --> 00:17:30,898
that I built with these two hands
for nothing or nobody!
234
00:17:32,574 --> 00:17:34,201
Howard Johnson is right!
235
00:17:35,019 --> 00:17:36,511
Thank you, Van.
236
00:17:37,896 --> 00:17:43,583
Well, if we're going to stay, and
I think it's a big mistake...
237
00:17:44,152 --> 00:17:48,054
we're going to need us a new sheriff.
Now, who is it going to be?
238
00:17:49,124 --> 00:17:52,252
Why don't we wire the governor
to send us a sheriff?
239
00:17:52,594 --> 00:17:54,824
Why should we get our own men killed?
240
00:17:55,296 --> 00:17:58,732
Howard Johnson is right.
We'll wire the governor.
241
00:18:00,168 --> 00:18:04,468
Then let us pray for the deliverance
of our new sheriff.
242
00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:07,506
Will the congregation please rise?
243
00:18:09,177 --> 00:18:15,114
I shall now read from the books
of Matthew, Mark, Luke...
244
00:18:16,417 --> 00:18:17,406
and duck!
245
00:18:27,662 --> 00:18:29,653
We've got to do something at once!
246
00:18:30,842 --> 00:18:32,623
Governor? Governor.
247
00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:35,401
- Governor, may I disturb you for a moment, sir?
- Yeah, what is it?
248
00:18:35,470 --> 00:18:39,307
If you will just sign this, governor.
Right here.
249
00:18:39,346 --> 00:18:40,972
Yes, yes, what the hell is it?
250
00:18:41,309 --> 00:18:42,644
Well, under the provisions
of this bill...
251
00:18:42,744 --> 00:18:45,975
we would snatch 200,000 acres
of Indian territory...
252
00:18:46,381 --> 00:18:49,287
which we have deemed unsafe
for their use at this time.
253
00:18:49,357 --> 00:18:50,662
They're such children.
254
00:18:50,684 --> 00:18:54,083
200,000 acres!
200,000 acres!
255
00:18:54,172 --> 00:18:56,231
What will it cost, man?
What will it cost?
256
00:18:56,740 --> 00:18:59,153
A box of these.
257
00:18:59,627 --> 00:19:02,494
Are you crazy? They'll never go
for it, and then again they might.
258
00:19:02,830 --> 00:19:05,424
The little red devils, they
love toys. May I try one?
259
00:19:05,502 --> 00:19:07,814
- Please do, sir.
- Thank you, thank you.
260
00:19:08,670 --> 00:19:09,932
These things are defective.
261
00:19:13,508 --> 00:19:14,941
Right as usual, sir.
262
00:19:16,010 --> 00:19:16,942
Show-off!
263
00:19:17,278 --> 00:19:18,963
Just sign this, sir. Right here.
264
00:19:19,087 --> 00:19:22,017
- Okay, give us a hand here.
- All right, sir.
265
00:19:22,274 --> 00:19:25,118
Work, work, work, work, work,
work, work, work, work.
266
00:19:25,153 --> 00:19:27,519
Hello, boys, have a good night's rest?
I missed you.
267
00:19:27,855 --> 00:19:30,346
Just one more bill for you to sign, sir.
268
00:19:30,692 --> 00:19:31,681
What the hell is this?
269
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,360
This is the bill that will convert
the State Hospital for the Insane...
270
00:19:34,696 --> 00:19:38,132
into the William J. Le Petomane
Memorial Gambling Casino for the Insane.
271
00:19:38,466 --> 00:19:39,296
Gentlemen, this...
272
00:19:39,634 --> 00:19:41,903
this bill will be
a giant step forward...
273
00:19:42,003 --> 00:19:44,737
in the treatment
of the insane gambler.
274
00:19:44,806 --> 00:19:46,296
Yes, bravo! Beautiful.
275
00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:50,805
Thank you. Thank you, Hedy. Thank you.
276
00:19:51,145 --> 00:19:54,137
It's not Hedy. It's Hedley.
Hedley Lamarr.
277
00:19:54,474 --> 00:19:55,780
What the hell are you worried about?
278
00:19:55,826 --> 00:19:59,149
This is 1874.
You'll be able to sue her.
279
00:20:06,843 --> 00:20:08,686
- Just sign right here, sir.
- All right, thank you.
280
00:20:08,843 --> 00:20:10,874
Thank you. Thank you very much.
281
00:20:11,032 --> 00:20:12,289
All right, help me in with this.
282
00:20:12,352 --> 00:20:13,657
Help me in with this.
Help me in with this.
283
00:20:13,701 --> 00:20:15,062
Just, ah, think of your secretary.
284
00:20:15,536 --> 00:20:17,367
Ah, that was a very good suggestion.
285
00:20:17,739 --> 00:20:18,731
- Thank you.
- All right.
286
00:20:18,740 --> 00:20:21,174
Okay, is that it? Anything else?
287
00:20:21,576 --> 00:20:23,737
Just this urgent telegram
from Rock Ridge.
288
00:20:24,212 --> 00:20:25,338
It arrived last Friday.
289
00:20:25,603 --> 00:20:26,712
Last Friday?
290
00:20:26,781 --> 00:20:27,839
Read it, read it.
291
00:20:28,344 --> 00:20:29,343
Wild bitch.
292
00:20:29,368 --> 00:20:33,281
"Sheriff murdered. Church meeting
bombed. Reign of terror must cease.
293
00:20:33,755 --> 00:20:35,222
"Send new sheriff immediately."
294
00:20:35,690 --> 00:20:37,021
Holy underwear!
295
00:20:37,925 --> 00:20:40,917
Sheriff murdered! Innocent women
and children blown to bits!
296
00:20:41,729 --> 00:20:43,665
We've got to protect our
phony-baloney jobs, gentlemen.
297
00:20:43,765 --> 00:20:47,394
We must do something about this
immediately, immediately, immediately!
298
00:20:50,571 --> 00:20:52,172
I didn't get a "hrumph" out of that guy!
299
00:20:52,273 --> 00:20:53,433
Give the governor a "hrumph".
300
00:20:54,609 --> 00:20:55,701
You watch your ass.
301
00:20:56,311 --> 00:20:58,279
Gentlemen, please, rest your sphincters.
302
00:20:58,604 --> 00:21:00,525
- Well put.
- Thank you very much, sir.
303
00:21:00,615 --> 00:21:02,776
As Attorney General, I can assure you...
304
00:21:03,051 --> 00:21:06,578
that a suitable sheriff will be found
to restore the peace in Rock Ridge.
305
00:21:06,921 --> 00:21:08,252
Meeting is adjourned.
306
00:21:08,589 --> 00:21:11,956
Oh, I am sorry, sir. I didn't mean
to overstep my bounds. You say that.
307
00:21:12,293 --> 00:21:12,952
What?
308
00:21:13,294 --> 00:21:14,534
- Meeting is adjourned.
- It is?
309
00:21:14,829 --> 00:21:16,160
No. You say that, governor.
310
00:21:16,531 --> 00:21:17,799
- What?
- Meeting is adjourned.
311
00:21:17,899 --> 00:21:18,558
It is?
312
00:21:18,790 --> 00:21:21,656
- Here, play around with this for a while.
- Oh, thank you, Hedy.
313
00:21:21,719 --> 00:21:23,164
- No, it's Hedley.
- It is?
314
00:21:23,304 --> 00:21:24,999
Why don't you give these out
to some of the boys...
315
00:21:25,272 --> 00:21:26,670
in lieu of pay? Here you go.
316
00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:29,349
Franky. Johnny. Patsy. Jelly.
317
00:21:29,444 --> 00:21:31,969
And one for Miss Stein,
my beloved secretary.
318
00:21:32,313 --> 00:21:35,407
Play with these, boys,
in lieu of the other things.
319
00:21:36,951 --> 00:21:38,475
This friggin' thing is warped.
320
00:21:40,555 --> 00:21:42,420
Why do I always get a warped one?
321
00:21:45,593 --> 00:21:49,996
A sheriff! But law and order
is the last thing I want.
322
00:21:51,766 --> 00:21:56,430
Wait a minute. Maybe I could
turn this thing to my advantage.
323
00:21:57,430 --> 00:22:02,500
If I could find a sheriff who so
offends the citizens of Rock Ridge...
324
00:22:02,510 --> 00:22:05,502
that his very appearance
would drive them out of town...
325
00:22:08,216 --> 00:22:09,843
But where would I find such a man?
326
00:22:11,352 --> 00:22:12,512
Why am I asking you?
327
00:22:22,630 --> 00:22:26,327
Welcome to Hanging House.
Not to worry...
328
00:22:26,868 --> 00:22:28,995
everyone is equal in my eye.
329
00:22:47,054 --> 00:22:48,749
Oh, not my ear! Not my ear.
330
00:22:49,241 --> 00:22:51,515
- Not in the ear. Not in the ear.
- Sir?
331
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:53,692
Governor!
332
00:22:54,984 --> 00:22:55,827
Yes?
333
00:22:56,130 --> 00:22:57,324
Official business, sir.
334
00:22:57,698 --> 00:22:58,858
Is it important?
335
00:22:59,333 --> 00:23:00,664
It's very crucial.
336
00:23:02,003 --> 00:23:02,992
Be with you in a minute.
337
00:23:03,905 --> 00:23:05,896
Throw something on
and stay in that position.
338
00:23:06,350 --> 00:23:08,007
Oh, sorry gentlemen.
339
00:23:08,508 --> 00:23:12,772
Forgive me, I was just, ah, walking
the parapet, taking a look around.
340
00:23:12,847 --> 00:23:13,727
What can I do for you?
341
00:23:14,048 --> 00:23:15,379
Governor, as per your instructions...
342
00:23:15,482 --> 00:23:18,638
I'd like you to meet
the new sheriff of Rock Ridge.
343
00:23:18,853 --> 00:23:20,377
I'd be delighted... Wow!
344
00:23:21,789 --> 00:23:23,725
I've got to talk to you. Come here.
Have you gone berserk?
345
00:23:23,825 --> 00:23:26,487
Can't you see that man is a ni...
346
00:23:30,264 --> 00:23:33,062
Wrong person. Forgive me.
No offence intended.
347
00:23:34,802 --> 00:23:38,169
Have you gone berserk?
Can't you see that man is a ni?
348
00:23:38,673 --> 00:23:39,970
Don't worry, sir.
349
00:23:40,408 --> 00:23:42,609
Now, Hedley, I've always
trusted your judgement before...
350
00:23:42,643 --> 00:23:44,873
but haven't you taken a giant leap
away from your good senses?
351
00:23:44,979 --> 00:23:47,277
Please, don't fly off the handle, sir.
352
00:23:47,448 --> 00:23:49,780
I'm about to make you
an historic figure.
353
00:23:50,751 --> 00:23:53,083
Maybe even get you a cabinet post.
354
00:23:53,421 --> 00:23:55,217
- A cabinet post!
- Yes.
355
00:23:55,256 --> 00:23:56,936
- Did you say that?
- I said that.
356
00:23:56,957 --> 00:23:57,888
Wonderful!
357
00:23:57,919 --> 00:24:02,692
Yes, the first man ever to appoint
a black sheriff! Just think, sir...
358
00:24:02,797 --> 00:24:04,709
Washington, Jefferson...
359
00:24:04,804 --> 00:24:07,061
- Lincoln.
- Le Petomane!
360
00:24:07,502 --> 00:24:09,732
Sir, you have the seeds
of greatness in you.
361
00:24:10,238 --> 00:24:13,139
Nurse them, caress them,
pour water on them.
362
00:24:13,774 --> 00:24:15,833
Don't short-change yourself, sir.
363
00:24:16,577 --> 00:24:19,740
It'll never work. It'll never work.
They'll kill him dead in one day!
364
00:24:20,081 --> 00:24:24,313
One day is all we'll need to secure your
name in the annals of Western history.
365
00:24:24,652 --> 00:24:27,212
And to get for you
a nomination for, dare I say...?
366
00:24:27,655 --> 00:24:28,451
Dare, dare!
367
00:24:28,789 --> 00:24:29,813
The Presidency!
368
00:24:30,925 --> 00:24:33,291
Hail to the Chief!
Hail to the Chief!
369
00:24:42,103 --> 00:24:44,264
"Four score and seven years ago...
370
00:24:44,604 --> 00:24:47,589
"our forefathers
brought forth on this..."
371
00:24:47,644 --> 00:24:49,448
Will? Are you coming back?
372
00:24:49,509 --> 00:24:50,682
In a moment, dear.
373
00:24:50,736 --> 00:24:56,417
Gentlemen, gentlemen, affairs of state must take
precedent over the affairs of state.
374
00:24:56,551 --> 00:24:58,018
Yes, of course, sir, we understand.
375
00:24:58,753 --> 00:25:00,153
Will you make all the arrangements?
376
00:25:00,187 --> 00:25:01,518
I will make all the arrangements.
377
00:25:01,789 --> 00:25:03,188
Especially the funeral.
378
00:25:05,059 --> 00:25:09,325
Good luck, good luck, boys.
Wonderful working with you. Good luck!
379
00:26:14,428 --> 00:26:17,591
Hurry up, get those flags up.
He'll be here soon.
380
00:26:18,966 --> 00:26:21,400
I just got a telegram from
the governor's office.
381
00:26:21,669 --> 00:26:23,330
The sheriff will be here at noon!
382
00:26:24,071 --> 00:26:27,563
Noon? I'd better rehearse my speech!
383
00:26:29,644 --> 00:26:32,977
"As Honorary Chairman of
the Welcoming Committee...
384
00:26:33,347 --> 00:26:38,729
"it is my privilege to extend to you
a laurel and hearty handshake!"
385
00:26:39,987 --> 00:26:41,190
- Wonderful!
- Lovely.
386
00:26:41,258 --> 00:26:41,924
Excellent!
387
00:26:41,971 --> 00:26:44,221
Hey, Gabby, can you see him yet?
388
00:26:49,497 --> 00:26:50,486
The sheriff is coming!
389
00:26:51,966 --> 00:26:56,247
- Ring out the church bell!
- Strike up the band.
390
00:27:10,251 --> 00:27:13,084
Hey, the sheriff is a ni...
391
00:27:14,288 --> 00:27:15,152
What did he say?
392
00:27:15,489 --> 00:27:16,956
The sheriff is near!
393
00:27:17,591 --> 00:27:22,028
No, no, dag blame it, gol darn
it, the sheriff is a ni...
394
00:27:43,617 --> 00:27:46,415
As Chairman of the
Welcoming Committee...
395
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:53,063
it is my privilege to extend a laurel
and hearty handshake to our new...
396
00:27:55,796 --> 00:27:56,524
nigger.
397
00:28:25,886 --> 00:28:28,377
Excuse me while I whip this out.
398
00:28:34,034 --> 00:28:36,696
"By the power vested in me...
399
00:28:36,971 --> 00:28:40,304
"by the Honourable
William J. Le Petomane...
400
00:28:46,247 --> 00:28:47,929
"I hereby assume the duties...
401
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:51,600
"of the Office of Sheriff in and for
the Township of Rock Ridge."
402
00:28:51,655 --> 00:28:54,580
Gentlemen, gentlemen, let us not
allow anger to rule the day.
403
00:28:55,055 --> 00:28:57,546
As your spiritual leader,
I implore you...
404
00:28:57,892 --> 00:29:00,258
to pay heed to this good
book and what it has to say.
405
00:29:03,631 --> 00:29:06,429
Son, you're on your own.
406
00:29:11,405 --> 00:29:12,133
Hold it!
407
00:29:12,973 --> 00:29:15,635
The next man makes a move,
the nigger gets it!
408
00:29:20,515 --> 00:29:23,177
Hold it, men. He's not bluffing.
409
00:29:23,284 --> 00:29:26,151
Listen to him, men.
He's just crazy enough to do it.
410
00:29:26,487 --> 00:29:31,440
Drop it! Or I swear I'll blow this
nigger's head all over this town!
411
00:29:31,525 --> 00:29:36,224
Oh, Lordy, Lord, he's desperate!
Do what he say! Do what he say!
412
00:29:53,447 --> 00:29:56,007
Isn't anybody going to
help that poor man?
413
00:29:56,483 --> 00:29:59,670
Hush, Harriet. That's a
sure way to get him killed.
414
00:30:00,995 --> 00:30:02,725
Help me, help me.
415
00:30:02,795 --> 00:30:04,555
Help me, somebody help me!
416
00:30:04,764 --> 00:30:06,506
Help me, help me.
417
00:30:06,561 --> 00:30:08,279
- Help me.
- Shut up!
418
00:30:12,299 --> 00:30:16,793
Oh, baby, you are so talented.
419
00:30:17,338 --> 00:30:19,499
And they are so dumb!
420
00:30:23,783 --> 00:30:24,557
Order?
421
00:30:25,768 --> 00:30:26,830
Order!
422
00:30:28,015 --> 00:30:29,004
Goddamn it!
423
00:30:29,350 --> 00:30:30,578
I said, "order"!
424
00:30:31,919 --> 00:30:36,583
You know, Nietzsche says,
"Out of chaos comes order."
425
00:30:37,191 --> 00:30:38,886
Oh, blow it out your ass, Howard!
426
00:30:41,829 --> 00:30:43,820
Now everyone be quiet...
427
00:30:44,698 --> 00:30:51,135
whilst we listen to Harriet van
Johnson, our esteemed schoolmarm...
428
00:30:51,470 --> 00:30:56,938
as she reads a telegram that she
herself has composed to the governor...
429
00:30:57,511 --> 00:31:03,237
expressing our feelings
about the new sheriff.
430
00:31:10,257 --> 00:31:12,337
"To the Honourable William J.
Le Petomane, Governor."
431
00:31:12,592 --> 00:31:15,474
Louder! Speak up! We can't hear you!
432
00:31:16,130 --> 00:31:17,961
I'm not used to public speaking.
433
00:31:20,267 --> 00:31:26,150
"We, the white, God-fearing
citizens of Rock Ridge...
434
00:31:26,273 --> 00:31:30,141
"wish to express
our extreme displeasure...
435
00:31:30,477 --> 00:31:32,468
"with your choice of sheriff.
436
00:31:33,147 --> 00:31:36,082
"Please remove him immediately.
437
00:31:38,385 --> 00:31:41,718
"The fact that you
have sent him here..."
438
00:31:42,556 --> 00:31:49,183
"just goes to prove that you are
the leading asshole in the state."
439
00:31:59,094 --> 00:32:03,648
♪ Camptown ladies sing this song
Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
440
00:32:03,688 --> 00:32:09,219
♪ De Camptown race track five miles long
Oh doo-dah day ♪
441
00:32:11,485 --> 00:32:13,953
The drunk in number two must be awake.
442
00:32:19,693 --> 00:32:21,126
Are we awake?
443
00:32:25,845 --> 00:32:27,335
We're not sure.
444
00:32:28,773 --> 00:32:31,071
Are we black?
445
00:32:31,500 --> 00:32:32,489
Yes, we are.
446
00:32:34,341 --> 00:32:39,020
Then we're awake.
But we're very puzzled.
447
00:32:40,481 --> 00:32:43,279
I think I better straighten myself out.
448
00:32:46,820 --> 00:32:47,912
Need any help?
449
00:32:51,225 --> 00:32:52,556
All I can get.
450
00:33:03,546 --> 00:33:04,476
Thanks.
451
00:33:04,872 --> 00:33:06,965
That's okay. Sit down over here.
452
00:33:18,522 --> 00:33:20,513
Hey, maybe you should
eat something first.
453
00:33:20,754 --> 00:33:23,552
No, thanks. Food makes me sick.
454
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:37,466
A man drink like that and he don't eat,
he is going to die.
455
00:33:40,424 --> 00:33:41,220
When?
456
00:33:44,344 --> 00:33:45,208
What's your name?
457
00:33:45,779 --> 00:33:49,374
Well, my name is Jim,
but most people call me...
458
00:33:52,661 --> 00:33:53,423
Jim.
459
00:33:55,856 --> 00:33:59,792
Okay, Jim, since you are my
guest and I am your host...
460
00:34:00,127 --> 00:34:02,891
what is your pleasure?
What do you like to do?
461
00:34:03,697 --> 00:34:06,359
Oh, I don't know. Play chess...
462
00:34:08,770 --> 00:34:09,828
screw.
463
00:34:10,871 --> 00:34:12,202
Well, let's play chess.
464
00:34:16,243 --> 00:34:17,005
Checkmate.
465
00:34:19,048 --> 00:34:20,032
What?
466
00:34:20,147 --> 00:34:20,909
Checkmate.
467
00:34:21,582 --> 00:34:24,016
Why, you devious son-of-a-bitch!
468
00:34:24,885 --> 00:34:26,011
Happy days!
469
00:34:35,796 --> 00:34:37,559
Man, why do you do that to yourself?
470
00:34:38,899 --> 00:34:41,060
Oh, you don't really want to know that.
471
00:34:41,635 --> 00:34:42,533
I do, I do!
472
00:34:43,070 --> 00:34:44,662
Well, if you must pry.
473
00:34:45,241 --> 00:34:46,367
I must, I must!
474
00:34:47,774 --> 00:34:50,998
I don't know if you ever
heard of me before, but...
475
00:34:51,344 --> 00:34:55,983
I used to be called the Waco Kid.
476
00:34:57,117 --> 00:35:00,848
The Waco Kid. He had the
fastest hands in the West!
477
00:35:02,623 --> 00:35:03,851
In the world!
478
00:35:04,958 --> 00:35:07,778
Well, if you're the Kid,
then show me something.
479
00:35:08,862 --> 00:35:13,561
Maybe a couple of years ago I could
have shown you something, but today...
480
00:35:16,103 --> 00:35:17,195
look at that.
481
00:35:17,571 --> 00:35:18,868
Steady as a rock.
482
00:35:19,473 --> 00:35:21,566
Yes, but I shoot with this hand.
483
00:35:22,609 --> 00:35:26,773
See, I knew you weren't no Waco Kid.
You were just pulling my lariat.
484
00:35:28,218 --> 00:35:30,390
Oh, dearie dear.
485
00:35:32,132 --> 00:35:34,296
Ah, well...
486
00:35:36,031 --> 00:35:37,179
Okay.
487
00:35:42,996 --> 00:35:43,894
See that king?
488
00:35:45,144 --> 00:35:45,870
Yeah.
489
00:35:45,918 --> 00:35:47,818
Put your hands on both sides of it.
490
00:35:51,605 --> 00:35:55,097
Now when I say, "go",
you try to grab it first.
491
00:35:55,976 --> 00:35:58,911
Man, that's no contest.
You're a mile away.
492
00:36:00,156 --> 00:36:01,343
Yeah.
493
00:36:01,921 --> 00:36:02,640
Yeah.
494
00:36:03,116 --> 00:36:07,610
Anyway, when you hear the word
"go," you just try to grab it.
495
00:36:09,022 --> 00:36:09,681
Ready?
496
00:36:10,554 --> 00:36:11,624
Ready.
497
00:36:18,861 --> 00:36:19,548
Go!
498
00:36:28,248 --> 00:36:29,123
Hey.
499
00:36:30,939 --> 00:36:32,270
You looking for this?
500
00:36:36,917 --> 00:36:41,217
Well, raise my rent!
You are the Kid!
501
00:36:41,555 --> 00:36:44,581
Was. Yeah, I was the Kid.
502
00:36:47,527 --> 00:36:48,459
Well, what happened?
503
00:36:49,896 --> 00:36:53,505
Well, it got so that every
piss-ant prairie punk...
504
00:36:53,567 --> 00:36:54,770
who thought he could
shoot a gun...
505
00:36:54,801 --> 00:36:57,668
would ride into town
to try out the Waco Kid.
506
00:37:00,607 --> 00:37:03,906
I must have killed more men
than Cecil B. DeMille.
507
00:37:05,312 --> 00:37:06,574
It got pretty gritty.
508
00:37:07,447 --> 00:37:10,109
I started to hear the
word "draw" in my sleep.
509
00:37:13,053 --> 00:37:14,111
Then one day...
510
00:37:15,088 --> 00:37:21,283
I was just walking down the street
and I heard a voice behind me say...
511
00:37:21,795 --> 00:37:26,060
"Reach for it, mister!"
I spun around.
512
00:37:28,068 --> 00:37:30,263
And there I was face to face...
513
00:37:32,739 --> 00:37:35,401
with a 6-year-old kid!
514
00:37:39,846 --> 00:37:43,213
Well, I just threw my guns
down and walked away.
515
00:37:46,486 --> 00:37:49,319
The little bastard shot me in the ass!
516
00:37:52,225 --> 00:37:57,529
So I limped to the nearest saloon,
crawled inside a whiskey bottle...
517
00:37:58,303 --> 00:38:01,161
and I've been there ever since.
518
00:38:05,806 --> 00:38:06,534
Have a drink.
519
00:38:07,665 --> 00:38:08,267
Thanks.
520
00:38:13,524 --> 00:38:18,378
Anyway, that's all ancient history.
Now you tell me your story.
521
00:38:18,595 --> 00:38:23,018
What's a dazzling urbanite like you
doing in a rustic setting like this?
522
00:38:24,134 --> 00:38:25,655
If you really must pry.
523
00:38:26,660 --> 00:38:28,184
I must, I must!
524
00:38:32,837 --> 00:38:35,695
Well, back in '56...
525
00:38:35,973 --> 00:38:39,636
my folks and I were part
of this long wagon train...
526
00:38:40,250 --> 00:38:41,239
moving West.
527
00:38:54,888 --> 00:38:57,220
Well, not exactly part of it.
528
00:38:58,191 --> 00:39:02,287
You might say we were bringing up
the rear, when suddenly,
529
00:39:02,696 --> 00:39:06,257
from out of the West,
came the entire Sioux Nation!
530
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:10,536
And let me tell you, baby,
they were open for business!
531
00:39:14,641 --> 00:39:18,441
Naturally, the white folks
didn't let us travel in their circle...
532
00:39:18,912 --> 00:39:19,970
so we made our own.
533
00:39:56,616 --> 00:39:58,083
Şww'arẕes?
534
00:39:58,804 --> 00:40:00,616
No, no, zyyt nyt mşwg'.
535
00:40:05,826 --> 00:40:09,023
L'ázn gyyn!
536
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:15,631
Cop a walk. It's all right.
537
00:40:15,869 --> 00:40:16,699
Thank you.
538
00:40:16,916 --> 00:40:18,775
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
539
00:40:18,805 --> 00:40:21,035
A'y g'zwnt. Take off.
540
00:40:26,639 --> 00:40:28,882
H'ábn 'yr 'lẕ g'z'n 'yn dyyn l'bn?
541
00:40:29,530 --> 00:40:31,794
They darker than us!
542
00:40:35,388 --> 00:40:37,652
And the rest is history.
543
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:40,520
Impressed?
544
00:40:46,166 --> 00:40:49,033
Always like to keep my audience riveted.
545
00:41:42,956 --> 00:41:44,514
How about some more beans,
Mr. Taggart?
546
00:41:44,585 --> 00:41:46,348
I'd say you've had enough!
547
00:41:50,597 --> 00:41:54,863
I understand there's a new sheriff
in town. Who wants to kill him?
548
00:41:59,580 --> 00:42:01,447
Mr. Taggart. Mr. Taggart, sir.
549
00:42:01,541 --> 00:42:04,942
Why don't we give him to Mongo?
550
00:42:07,221 --> 00:42:08,503
Mongo?
551
00:42:08,572 --> 00:42:10,806
Holy shit, that's too cruel!
552
00:42:11,918 --> 00:42:15,081
I'll be danged! That is a unique idea!
553
00:42:21,287 --> 00:42:25,729
Down, boy. Down.
Down, Mongo! Down, boy.
554
00:42:26,499 --> 00:42:28,506
Hey, it's me. Taggart.
Your old boss.
555
00:42:28,549 --> 00:42:29,743
Here, smell. Smell.
556
00:42:29,929 --> 00:42:31,624
Smell, boy. Yes.
557
00:42:31,733 --> 00:42:33,584
Yeah, that's a good Mongo.
558
00:42:33,773 --> 00:42:35,264
That's a good Mongo.
559
00:42:35,381 --> 00:42:36,342
Yeah.
560
00:42:36,717 --> 00:42:41,004
Hey, how about it? How would you
like to mutilate that new sheriff?
561
00:42:44,152 --> 00:42:45,746
All right. Here.
562
00:42:46,315 --> 00:42:47,475
Have a cigar.
563
00:43:28,303 --> 00:43:30,688
Oh, by the way,
I got a note this morning.
564
00:43:31,064 --> 00:43:31,894
From who?
565
00:43:32,060 --> 00:43:36,224
Well, I'm not sure.
It was addressed to the Deputy Spade.
566
00:43:40,674 --> 00:43:43,507
Well, once I establish
myself in this here town...
567
00:43:43,843 --> 00:43:47,176
Deputy Spade might turn
out to be a groovy position.
568
00:43:47,445 --> 00:43:48,062
Here.
569
00:43:57,323 --> 00:44:00,349
Listen, Bart,
I want you to do me a favour.
570
00:44:01,445 --> 00:44:03,379
I don't want you going
out there this morning.
571
00:44:03,670 --> 00:44:05,934
You can't win these people
over, no matter what you do.
572
00:44:06,361 --> 00:44:07,919
They're just not going to accept you.
573
00:44:18,778 --> 00:44:21,770
I'm glad those fingers ain't loaded!
574
00:44:25,452 --> 00:44:27,079
Just like old times.
575
00:44:31,391 --> 00:44:36,702
Like I told you, once you establish
yourself, they've got to accept you.
576
00:44:37,564 --> 00:44:38,553
Catch you later.
577
00:44:43,454 --> 00:44:44,297
Good luck.
578
00:44:52,946 --> 00:44:54,485
Ah, good morning, ma'am.
579
00:44:55,555 --> 00:44:57,806
And isn't it a lovely morning?
580
00:44:58,542 --> 00:44:59,975
Up yours, nigger!
581
00:45:04,758 --> 00:45:07,818
What did you expect?
"Welcome, sonny."
582
00:45:09,095 --> 00:45:10,494
"Make yourself at home."
583
00:45:11,998 --> 00:45:16,662
"Marry my daughter." You've got to remember
that these are just simple farmers.
584
00:45:18,004 --> 00:45:20,336
These are people of the land.
585
00:45:21,341 --> 00:45:24,572
The common clay of the new West.
586
00:45:26,312 --> 00:45:27,336
You know.
587
00:45:29,516 --> 00:45:30,505
Morons!
588
00:45:34,988 --> 00:45:36,319
What the hell is that?
589
00:45:51,704 --> 00:45:54,696
Mongo! Santa María!
590
00:45:57,110 --> 00:46:01,299
I believe in it. And if any one of you friends
and neighbours, kind of gather around and...
591
00:46:01,381 --> 00:46:03,315
Holy shit!
592
00:46:08,488 --> 00:46:13,187
And they say that now in Paris,
France, even as we speak...
593
00:46:14,194 --> 00:46:17,527
Louis Pasteur has devised
a new vaccine...
594
00:46:17,697 --> 00:46:20,530
that will obliterate anthrax
once and for all.
595
00:46:26,339 --> 00:46:28,705
Hey, you can't park
that animal over there!
596
00:46:29,075 --> 00:46:30,167
It's illegal.
597
00:46:37,917 --> 00:46:42,411
Think of it, gentlemen. Hoof-and-mouth
disease a thing of the past!
598
00:46:43,223 --> 00:46:46,659
Never mind that shit,
here comes Mongo!
599
00:46:52,932 --> 00:46:54,263
I don't know what it is.
600
00:46:56,904 --> 00:46:58,600
Sherrif, Mongo's back! He's...
601
00:47:01,227 --> 00:47:03,343
Sheriff, Mongo's back!
He's breaking up the whole town!
602
00:47:03,443 --> 00:47:05,311
You've got to help us, please!
603
00:47:05,411 --> 00:47:07,709
Did you hear that? Now it's "please".
604
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:12,507
This morning I couldn't get the time
of day. Who is this Mongo, anyway?
605
00:47:12,564 --> 00:47:15,878
Well, Mongo ain't exactly a "who".
He's more of a "what".
606
00:47:16,356 --> 00:47:17,254
What he said.
607
00:47:17,441 --> 00:47:19,082
- Well, I don't know...
- Oh, thank you, sir.
608
00:47:19,118 --> 00:47:21,416
Oh, thank you very much!
609
00:47:23,796 --> 00:47:25,024
The fool's going to...
610
00:47:25,932 --> 00:47:27,866
I mean, the sheriff's going to do it.
611
00:47:33,873 --> 00:47:38,139
No, no, don't do that! Don't do that.
If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad.
612
00:47:49,589 --> 00:47:50,920
Candygram for Mongo!
613
00:47:57,347 --> 00:47:58,706
Candygram for Mongo!
614
00:48:00,730 --> 00:48:02,238
Candygram for Mongo!
615
00:48:02,740 --> 00:48:04,154
Candygram for Mongo!
616
00:48:04,237 --> 00:48:04,896
Me, Mongo.
617
00:48:05,338 --> 00:48:06,498
Sign, please.
618
00:48:11,665 --> 00:48:12,626
Thank you.
619
00:48:17,204 --> 00:48:19,077
Mongo like candy.
620
00:48:26,258 --> 00:48:27,923
A little further down, to the right.
621
00:48:28,016 --> 00:48:32,227
You know, I thought sure that
Mongo would mash him up...
622
00:48:32,251 --> 00:48:33,655
into little bitty sheriff meatballs.
623
00:48:34,367 --> 00:48:35,766
I just don't understand it.
624
00:48:35,844 --> 00:48:37,781
- Be still, Taggart.
- Yes, sir.
625
00:48:38,304 --> 00:48:40,932
My mind is a raging torrent...
626
00:48:41,274 --> 00:48:43,174
flooded with rivulets of thought...
627
00:48:43,276 --> 00:48:46,609
cascading into a waterfall
of creative alternatives.
628
00:48:47,767 --> 00:48:50,040
Gol darn it, Mr. Lamarr...
629
00:48:50,416 --> 00:48:53,817
you use your tongue prettier
than a $20 whore.
630
00:48:56,891 --> 00:48:58,321
Shitkicker.
631
00:48:59,092 --> 00:49:01,754
Wait a minute, that's it!
632
00:49:02,110 --> 00:49:03,539
Of course.
633
00:49:03,896 --> 00:49:05,193
And it will work!
634
00:49:05,565 --> 00:49:08,056
You bet it will! What'll work?
635
00:49:08,501 --> 00:49:09,991
Elementary, cactus-head!
636
00:49:10,336 --> 00:49:11,538
The beast has failed.
637
00:49:11,585 --> 00:49:16,304
And when the beast fails,
it's time to call in beauty.
638
00:49:16,976 --> 00:49:17,635
Beauty?
639
00:49:18,085 --> 00:49:20,054
Yes, of course.
640
00:49:20,079 --> 00:49:23,310
She's never failed me before.
She'll turn him into jelly!
641
00:49:23,453 --> 00:49:25,640
She'll bring him to his knees!
642
00:49:28,187 --> 00:49:31,122
Where's my froggie?
Where's my froggie?
643
00:49:31,457 --> 00:49:33,316
I don't know.
I didn't see it when I came in.
644
00:49:33,379 --> 00:49:35,450
Well, look, damn your eyes, look for it!
645
00:49:37,403 --> 00:49:39,668
- Taggart!
- Sorry, sir.
646
00:49:41,215 --> 00:49:43,504
Hurry. Find it. Get it. Get it.
Will you look around?
647
00:49:43,536 --> 00:49:44,590
- Oh, there it is.
- It's everything.
648
00:49:44,669 --> 00:49:45,559
Give it to me, hurry.
649
00:49:45,809 --> 00:49:47,356
Quick, Taggart. Quick!
650
00:49:50,243 --> 00:49:55,407
That was a close one! Daddy loves
Froggie. Froggie love Daddy?
651
00:49:58,235 --> 00:49:59,110
Ribbit.
652
00:50:00,485 --> 00:50:01,438
Ribbit.
653
00:50:05,124 --> 00:50:06,682
I don't know how you did it.
654
00:50:07,193 --> 00:50:08,490
He was nothing.
655
00:50:08,828 --> 00:50:11,331
The bitch was inventing
the candygram.
656
00:50:11,431 --> 00:50:13,922
And they probably won't give me
credit for it.
657
00:50:23,242 --> 00:50:24,709
Good evening, sheriff.
658
00:50:25,044 --> 00:50:27,478
Sorry about the "Up yours, nigger".
659
00:50:27,780 --> 00:50:31,546
I hope this apple pie will in some
small way say thank you for your...
660
00:50:31,884 --> 00:50:35,547
ingenuity and courage in
defeating that horrible Mongo.
661
00:50:36,055 --> 00:50:38,546
Thank you. Much obliged.
Good night.
662
00:50:48,734 --> 00:50:52,795
Of course, you'll have the good taste
not to mention that I spoke to you.
663
00:50:52,983 --> 00:50:54,100
Of course.
664
00:50:55,015 --> 00:50:55,984
Good night.
665
00:50:58,311 --> 00:51:02,748
I'm rapidly becoming a big
underground success in this town.
666
00:51:03,082 --> 00:51:06,916
See, in another 25 years you'll be able
to shake their hands in broad daylight.
667
00:51:07,286 --> 00:51:09,754
Well, I ain't going to
hold my breath for it, bro.
668
00:51:10,123 --> 00:51:14,526
Come on, I don't want to be late.
That Lili von Shtupp is opening tonight.
669
00:51:15,261 --> 00:51:16,592
Lili von who?
670
00:51:31,264 --> 00:51:35,540
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome.
Come on in.
671
00:51:38,108 --> 00:51:40,514
- Lili.
- Hedy.
672
00:51:40,620 --> 00:51:43,054
It's Hedley. For you, my dear.
673
00:51:44,388 --> 00:51:47,323
Oh, how ordinary.
674
00:51:49,763 --> 00:51:55,005
Oh, Lili.
Lili, Lili, Lili, legs, Lili, Lili!
675
00:51:55,552 --> 00:51:58,793
I cannot find the words to
truly express my joy...
676
00:51:59,005 --> 00:52:01,064
at the rekindling of our association.
677
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:04,468
Bullshit, what's the job?
678
00:52:06,812 --> 00:52:08,473
I love it when you talk dirty.
679
00:52:21,093 --> 00:52:23,891
Come on, Lamarr, let's get down to
bwass tacks.
680
00:52:24,030 --> 00:52:26,191
What do you want me to do?
681
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:31,702
I want you to seduce and abandon
the sheriff of Rock Ridge.
682
00:52:32,305 --> 00:52:33,465
You think you can do it?
683
00:52:36,209 --> 00:52:37,676
Is Bismark a hewwing?
684
00:52:38,044 --> 00:52:41,172
Oh, Lili, you're magnificent! Kiss me!
685
00:52:53,426 --> 00:52:57,988
And now, folks, the gal
you've all been waiting for...
686
00:52:58,430 --> 00:53:04,133
the Bavarian Bombshell herself!
Let's hear it for Lili von Shtupp!
687
00:53:16,215 --> 00:53:19,548
♪ Here I stand, the goddess of desire ♪
688
00:53:20,219 --> 00:53:24,155
♪ Set men on fire
I have this power ♪
689
00:53:25,958 --> 00:53:29,416
♪ Morning, noon and night
It's drink and dancing ♪
690
00:53:29,929 --> 00:53:34,593
♪ Some quick romancing
And then a shower ♪
691
00:53:35,735 --> 00:53:39,227
♪ Stage door Johnnies constantly surround me ♪
692
00:53:39,572 --> 00:53:44,665
♪ They always hound me
With one request ♪
693
00:53:45,177 --> 00:53:48,271
♪ Who can satisfy their lustful habit? ♪
694
00:53:49,181 --> 00:53:56,485
♪ I'm not a rabbit
I need some re... ♪
695
00:53:56,614 --> 00:54:00,404
♪ ...est ♪
696
00:54:01,090 --> 00:54:03,386
♪ I'm tired ♪
697
00:54:04,864 --> 00:54:08,061
♪ Sick and tired of love ♪
698
00:54:09,769 --> 00:54:12,260
♪ I've had my fill of love ♪
699
00:54:14,140 --> 00:54:17,647
♪ From below and above ♪
700
00:54:20,479 --> 00:54:25,791
♪ Tired
Tired of being admired ♪
701
00:54:27,285 --> 00:54:30,712
♪ Tired of love uninspired ♪
702
00:54:32,258 --> 00:54:34,488
♪ Let's face it, I'm tired ♪
703
00:54:36,828 --> 00:54:42,335
♪ I've been with thousands of men
Again and again ♪
704
00:54:42,668 --> 00:54:44,829
♪ They promise the moon ♪
705
00:54:45,738 --> 00:54:52,097
♪ They're always coming and going
And going and coming ♪
706
00:54:52,545 --> 00:54:54,536
♪ And always too soon ♪
707
00:54:55,481 --> 00:54:56,812
Right, girls?
708
00:54:57,248 --> 00:55:02,802
♪ I'm tired
Tired of playing the game ♪
709
00:55:04,255 --> 00:55:08,192
♪ Ain't it a crying shame? ♪
710
00:55:08,661 --> 00:55:11,653
♪ I'm so tired ♪
711
00:55:12,365 --> 00:55:14,663
Goddamn it, I'm exhausted!
712
00:55:16,936 --> 00:55:19,336
Hello, cowboy, what's your name?
713
00:55:19,467 --> 00:55:20,397
Tex, ma'am.
714
00:55:20,473 --> 00:55:23,374
"Tex ma'am"? Tell me, Tex ma'am...
715
00:55:23,709 --> 00:55:25,142
are you in show business?
716
00:55:25,478 --> 00:55:26,013
Nope.
717
00:55:26,076 --> 00:55:29,348
Well, then, why don't you get your
friggin' feet off the stage?
718
00:55:43,228 --> 00:55:48,557
Hello, handsome. Is that a 10-gallon
hat, or are you just enjoying the show?
719
00:55:56,321 --> 00:55:59,811
Oh, Miss Lili, oh, my lovely lady!
720
00:56:01,009 --> 00:56:01,899
What's it got?
721
00:56:05,743 --> 00:56:07,469
Put it down, baby.
Put it...
722
00:56:09,196 --> 00:56:10,407
♪ Tired ♪
723
00:56:11,724 --> 00:56:14,625
♪ Tired of playing the game ♪
724
00:56:16,128 --> 00:56:19,723
♪ Ain't it a crying shame? ♪
725
00:56:20,398 --> 00:56:24,929
♪ I'm so tired ♪
726
00:56:30,743 --> 00:56:32,539
- ♪ She's tired ♪
- She's tired.
727
00:56:32,611 --> 00:56:35,102
- ♪ Sick and tired of love ♪
- Give her a break.
728
00:56:35,448 --> 00:56:38,440
- ♪ She's had her fill of love ♪
- She's not a snake!
729
00:56:38,751 --> 00:56:41,743
- ♪ From below and above ♪
- Can't you see she's sick?
730
00:56:42,922 --> 00:56:43,911
She's bushed!
731
00:56:44,256 --> 00:56:46,588
- ♪ Tired of being admired ♪
- Let her alone.
732
00:56:46,917 --> 00:56:49,718
- ♪ Tired of love uninspired ♪
- You don't get none.
733
00:56:50,445 --> 00:56:53,088
- ♪ She's tired ♪
- Don't you know she's pooped?
734
00:56:53,235 --> 00:56:58,992
♪ I've been with thousands of men
Again and again ♪
735
00:56:59,371 --> 00:57:01,430
♪ They sing the same tune ♪
736
00:57:02,441 --> 00:57:05,774
♪ They start with Byron and Shelley ♪
737
00:57:06,111 --> 00:57:10,275
♪ Then jump on your belly
And bust your balloon ♪
738
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:12,111
♪ I'm... ♪
739
00:57:14,785 --> 00:57:16,332
♪ Tired ♪
740
00:57:17,122 --> 00:57:19,784
♪ Tired of playing the game ♪
741
00:57:21,494 --> 00:57:25,165
♪ Ain't it a friggin' shame? ♪
742
00:57:25,798 --> 00:57:27,396
♪ I'm so ♪
743
00:57:28,215 --> 00:57:34,222
Let's face it. Everything
below the waist is kaput!
744
00:57:34,364 --> 00:57:39,684
♪ Tired! ♪
745
00:58:08,173 --> 00:58:09,299
What does it say?
746
00:58:10,142 --> 00:58:14,602
"I must see you alone in my dwessing
woom right after the show."
747
00:58:21,416 --> 00:58:25,158
Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome,
come on in.
748
00:58:29,762 --> 00:58:32,094
Wie gehts, meine schatzie?
749
00:58:33,065 --> 00:58:34,123
Faw out!
750
00:58:35,797 --> 00:58:36,906
For you.
751
00:58:39,271 --> 00:58:42,604
A wed wose. How womantic!
752
00:58:44,043 --> 00:58:45,704
Have a seat, shewiff.
753
00:58:51,717 --> 00:58:53,275
Won't you excuse me for a moment...
754
00:58:53,349 --> 00:58:57,318
while I slip into something
a little bit more comfortable?
755
00:58:59,792 --> 00:59:01,225
Bitte, baby.
756
00:59:08,734 --> 00:59:11,794
Why don't you loosen your bullets?
757
00:59:17,938 --> 00:59:20,670
Ahh, I feel wefweshed!
758
00:59:21,614 --> 00:59:23,605
Isn't it bwight in here?
759
00:59:30,022 --> 00:59:32,923
There! Isn't that better?
760
00:59:35,260 --> 00:59:37,353
Pardon me, I'll be back in a moment.
761
00:59:37,428 --> 00:59:39,115
Dog-damn it.
762
00:59:41,432 --> 00:59:42,525
How is it going?
763
00:59:42,635 --> 00:59:47,038
He's like wet sauerkraut in my hands.
By morning he will be my slave.
764
00:59:47,099 --> 00:59:48,135
Splendid.
765
00:59:48,674 --> 00:59:50,164
Oh, just let me have a little feel.
766
00:59:51,610 --> 00:59:53,840
Where were we? Where are you?
767
00:59:54,014 --> 00:59:55,217
Ah, oh yes.
768
00:59:55,948 --> 00:59:58,109
Let me sit down next to you.
769
01:00:00,619 --> 01:00:01,950
Tell me, schatzie...
770
01:00:02,855 --> 01:00:07,292
Is it, ah, twu what they say
about the way you people are gifted?
771
01:00:09,828 --> 01:00:12,991
Oh, it's twu, it's twu!
772
01:00:13,945 --> 01:00:16,516
It's twu, it's twu!
773
01:00:19,204 --> 01:00:21,297
Would you care for
another schnitzengruben?
774
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:25,701
No, thank you. Fifteen is my
limit on schnitzengruben.
775
01:00:26,545 --> 01:00:29,139
Well, then, how about a little...?
776
01:00:32,651 --> 01:00:35,984
Baby, please, I am not from Havana.
777
01:00:36,922 --> 01:00:38,253
Excuse me, honey.
778
01:00:38,724 --> 01:00:42,490
Besides, I'm late for work.
I've got some heavy chores to do.
779
01:00:43,095 --> 01:00:45,757
Vill I, vill I see you later?
780
01:00:46,699 --> 01:00:51,033
That all depends on how much
Vitamin E I can get my hands on.
781
01:00:51,077 --> 01:00:52,563
Nein, nein, achtung!
782
01:00:53,338 --> 01:00:56,068
No, no, you mustn't go! I need you!
783
01:00:56,241 --> 01:00:58,834
I've never met nobody like you!
I can't live without you!
784
01:00:58,905 --> 01:01:01,679
Da hest gemacht mein entire leben.
785
01:01:02,081 --> 01:01:06,074
Please, you're making
a German spectacle of yourself.
786
01:01:08,587 --> 01:01:10,248
Auf wiedersehen, baby.
787
01:01:11,532 --> 01:01:14,095
Du! Du, du!
788
01:01:17,251 --> 01:01:19,588
Oh, what a nice guy.
789
01:01:27,249 --> 01:01:31,106
Oh, deary, dear.
Look what the cat dragged in.
790
01:01:44,389 --> 01:01:46,220
What's happening in the clean world?
791
01:01:47,092 --> 01:01:48,059
Bad news.
792
01:01:48,761 --> 01:01:53,130
I've got a writ here for Mongo's
release signed by Hedley Lamarr himself.
793
01:01:55,831 --> 01:01:57,300
Hedley Lamarr?
794
01:01:57,786 --> 01:02:01,233
Why would a dude like
Hedley Lamarr care about Mongo?
795
01:02:01,294 --> 01:02:02,349
You got me.
796
01:02:04,309 --> 01:02:05,559
It's legal.
797
01:02:08,013 --> 01:02:11,414
Oh, them schnitzengrubens
can wipe you out!
798
01:02:18,957 --> 01:02:20,288
Wake up time!
799
01:02:26,410 --> 01:02:29,260
Okay, Mongo. You're free to go.
800
01:02:30,969 --> 01:02:32,027
Mongo no go.
801
01:02:34,873 --> 01:02:38,365
Oh, come on, Mongo.
You're a free man.
802
01:02:40,179 --> 01:02:46,280
Mongo stay with Sheriff Bart.
Sheriff first man ever whip Mongo.
803
01:02:46,652 --> 01:02:50,554
Mongo impressed, have deep
feelings for Sheriff Bart.
804
01:02:52,724 --> 01:02:54,885
Oh, you better watch out, big fella.
805
01:02:55,460 --> 01:02:58,190
I think Mongo's taken
a little fancy to you.
806
01:03:02,668 --> 01:03:03,862
Mongo straight.
807
01:03:06,586 --> 01:03:08,266
Listen, Mongo.
808
01:03:08,740 --> 01:03:11,009
Maybe you know why's a high-roller...
809
01:03:11,109 --> 01:03:13,407
like Hedley Lamarr interested
in Rock Ridge.
810
01:03:14,246 --> 01:03:18,478
Don't know. Got to do
with where choo-choo go.
811
01:03:21,987 --> 01:03:26,048
Mongo, why would Hedley Lamarr care
about where the choo-choo goes?
812
01:03:27,025 --> 01:03:28,151
Don't know.
813
01:03:30,062 --> 01:03:34,260
Mongo only pawn in game of life.
814
01:03:36,010 --> 01:03:37,111
Choo-choo.
815
01:03:38,070 --> 01:03:39,560
I think this might be a good time
to mosey out...
816
01:03:39,738 --> 01:03:42,070
to where they're building
the rail road...
817
01:03:42,341 --> 01:03:44,002
and maybe do a little snooping.
818
01:04:22,016 --> 01:04:25,708
Damn, damn, damn!
819
01:04:26,555 --> 01:04:29,164
Hey, Bart! How're you doing Bart?
820
01:04:29,258 --> 01:04:32,118
Hey, Bart! Hey!
821
01:04:32,144 --> 01:04:35,307
Hey, how are you doing Bart?
Get down off that horse!
822
01:04:35,883 --> 01:04:37,023
What's happenin'?
823
01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:44,569
You shifty nigger!
They said you were hung!
824
01:04:44,903 --> 01:04:45,961
And they were right!
825
01:04:46,305 --> 01:04:49,240
Look at that star, hoo-ee!
Civil service!
826
01:04:52,978 --> 01:04:54,468
Wait. Back off, scamp.
827
01:04:54,646 --> 01:04:58,356
You are addressing the duly appointed
sheriff of Rock Ridge.
828
01:04:58,583 --> 01:05:01,450
Rock Ridge? Hey, the rail road
is going through there!
829
01:05:17,469 --> 01:05:20,870
Back up off your brother!
Don't mess up your brother!
830
01:05:21,039 --> 01:05:23,258
Don't mess up. Your brother's fine.
831
01:05:37,660 --> 01:05:40,287
Well holy mother of pearl!
832
01:05:41,159 --> 01:05:44,185
It's that nigger that went'n hit me
on the head with the shovel!
833
01:05:44,963 --> 01:05:48,364
Now what the hell do you think you're
doing with that tin star, boy?
834
01:05:48,700 --> 01:05:53,364
Watch that "boy" shit, redneck! You're
talking to the sheriff of Rock Ridge.
835
01:05:55,907 --> 01:05:57,499
Well, now if that don't beat all!
836
01:05:58,343 --> 01:06:00,612
Here we take the good time
and trouble...
837
01:06:00,641 --> 01:06:04,553
to slaughter every last Indian
in the West, and for what?
838
01:06:04,816 --> 01:06:08,980
So they can appoint a sheriff
that's blacker than any Indian!
839
01:06:10,155 --> 01:06:11,554
I am depressed.
840
01:06:11,904 --> 01:06:15,740
Excuse me, Mr. Taggart, sir, but I
sure do hate to see you like this.
841
01:06:15,761 --> 01:06:18,363
What if me and the boys were to
shoot that nigger dead?
842
01:06:18,463 --> 01:06:20,499
Would that pep you up some?
843
01:06:20,599 --> 01:06:21,691
Well, it might help.
844
01:06:22,100 --> 01:06:24,762
All right, boys. On the count of three.
845
01:06:25,504 --> 01:06:27,836
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
846
01:06:28,740 --> 01:06:30,401
Don't pay no attention to that alky.
847
01:06:30,575 --> 01:06:32,907
He can't even hold a gun,
much less shoot it.
848
01:06:36,081 --> 01:06:37,844
Like I said. On the count of three.
849
01:06:40,252 --> 01:06:40,911
One...
850
01:06:43,025 --> 01:06:43,880
two...
851
01:06:45,185 --> 01:06:46,228
three!
852
01:06:57,202 --> 01:07:01,866
Well, just don't sit there looking
stupid, grasping your hands in pain.
853
01:07:02,706 --> 01:07:06,966
How about a little applause
for the Waco Kid?
854
01:07:17,389 --> 01:07:20,474
All right, I'm through being
Mr. Goodbar!
855
01:07:20,584 --> 01:07:23,023
The time has come to act
and act quickly!
856
01:07:23,160 --> 01:07:24,950
All my plans have backfired!
857
01:07:25,029 --> 01:07:26,928
Instead of the people leaving,
they're staying in droves!
858
01:07:27,265 --> 01:07:31,292
Vhy don't you admit it?
He's too much of man for you. I know.
859
01:07:31,670 --> 01:07:33,501
You going to need an army to beat him!
860
01:07:34,072 --> 01:07:35,562
You're finished.
861
01:07:35,906 --> 01:07:41,571
Fertig! Fahrbalunked! Belumped!
Beblungered! Fahrcocked!
862
01:07:41,890 --> 01:07:46,687
♪ Wir fahren
Auf England! ♪
863
01:07:47,155 --> 01:07:50,499
Shut up! You Teutonic twat!
864
01:07:51,123 --> 01:07:52,818
I must think.
865
01:08:01,047 --> 01:08:06,202
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
She said army. Of course!
866
01:08:06,304 --> 01:08:10,968
An army of the worst dregs ever
to soil the face of the West!
867
01:08:11,702 --> 01:08:13,507
- Taggart!
- Yes, sir?
868
01:08:14,646 --> 01:08:18,980
I've decided to launch an attack that
will reduce Rock Ridge to ashes!
869
01:08:19,651 --> 01:08:20,982
What do you want me to do, sir?
870
01:08:21,419 --> 01:08:24,752
I want you to round up every vicious
criminal and gunslinger in the West.
871
01:08:24,856 --> 01:08:25,845
Take this down.
872
01:08:27,058 --> 01:08:31,461
I want rustlers, cut-throats,
murderers, bounty hunters...
873
01:08:31,796 --> 01:08:36,062
desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs,
nitwits, half-wits, dimwits...
874
01:08:36,368 --> 01:08:40,964
vipers, snipers, con men,
Indian agents, Mexican bandits...
875
01:08:41,306 --> 01:08:44,571
muggers, buggerers,
bushwhackers, hornswagglers...
876
01:08:44,876 --> 01:08:48,744
horse thieves, bull dykes, train
robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers...
877
01:08:48,880 --> 01:08:51,280
shit kickers and Methodists!
878
01:08:53,852 --> 01:08:55,683
Could you repeat that, sir?
879
01:09:05,497 --> 01:09:06,828
Where's everybody going?
880
01:09:08,833 --> 01:09:09,595
Read this.
881
01:09:20,312 --> 01:09:23,873
Well, can't you see that's the
last act of a desperate man?
882
01:09:24,516 --> 01:09:29,180
We don't care if it's the First Act of
Henry the Fifth! We're leaving!
883
01:09:30,288 --> 01:09:33,849
Now, wait a minute!
Wait just one dog-goned minute here!
884
01:09:35,126 --> 01:09:39,790
Just give me 24 hours to come up
with a brilliant idea to save our town.
885
01:09:40,365 --> 01:09:43,615
Just 24 hours, that's all I ask.
886
01:09:43,735 --> 01:09:45,630
No!
887
01:09:45,904 --> 01:09:47,838
You'd do it for Randolph Scott.
888
01:09:48,763 --> 01:09:50,654
Randolph Scott?
889
01:09:50,771 --> 01:09:53,427
♪ Randolph Scott ♪
890
01:09:53,545 --> 01:09:56,446
All right, sheriff. 24 hours.
891
01:10:57,008 --> 01:10:57,702
Next!
892
01:10:59,244 --> 01:11:00,211
Qualifications?
893
01:11:00,745 --> 01:11:03,009
Rape, murder, arson and rape.
894
01:11:03,715 --> 01:11:05,012
You said rape twice.
895
01:11:05,950 --> 01:11:06,939
I like rape.
896
01:11:09,721 --> 01:11:12,121
Charming. Sign right here.
897
01:11:13,591 --> 01:11:14,922
Take that badge.
898
01:11:16,388 --> 01:11:17,153
Next!
899
01:11:19,030 --> 01:11:19,962
Qualifications?
900
01:11:20,665 --> 01:11:23,793
Arson, armed robbery, mayhem.
901
01:11:24,169 --> 01:11:27,661
Wait a moment. What have
you got in your mouth?
902
01:11:29,793 --> 01:11:30,676
Nothin'.
903
01:11:30,775 --> 01:11:32,970
Nothing, eh? Lyle.
904
01:11:36,247 --> 01:11:37,009
Gum!
905
01:11:37,749 --> 01:11:40,309
Chewing gum on line, eh?
906
01:11:40,752 --> 01:11:43,550
I hope you brought enough
for everybody.
907
01:11:45,457 --> 01:11:47,288
I didn't know there was
going to be so many.
908
01:11:52,831 --> 01:11:54,822
Boy, is he strict!
909
01:11:55,333 --> 01:11:58,063
We've got to get in there close
and find out what's happening.
910
01:11:59,938 --> 01:12:01,064
There's our ticket!
911
01:12:08,346 --> 01:12:09,438
Hey, boys!
912
01:12:11,082 --> 01:12:12,515
Look what I've got there!
913
01:12:14,686 --> 01:12:16,483
Hey, where are the white women at?
914
01:12:31,069 --> 01:12:32,832
Man, that was pretty! I liked that.
915
01:12:34,005 --> 01:12:37,805
Be ready to attack Rock Ridge at
noon tomorrow. Here's your badge.
916
01:12:39,730 --> 01:12:40,855
Badges?
917
01:12:41,612 --> 01:12:44,229
We don't need no stinkin' badges!
918
01:12:46,551 --> 01:12:47,210
Next!
919
01:12:47,886 --> 01:12:48,716
Qualifications?
920
01:12:49,487 --> 01:12:50,886
Stampeding cattle.
921
01:12:51,356 --> 01:12:52,846
That's not much of a crime.
922
01:12:53,191 --> 01:12:54,522
Through the Vatican!
923
01:12:55,026 --> 01:12:56,015
Kinky!
924
01:12:56,987 --> 01:12:58,073
Sign here.
925
01:12:59,397 --> 01:13:01,666
Why, Rhett, how many times
have I told you...
926
01:13:01,766 --> 01:13:04,064
to wash up after
weekly cross-burning?
927
01:13:04,702 --> 01:13:05,828
See, it's coming off.
928
01:13:08,506 --> 01:13:11,998
And now, for my next impression,
Jesse Owens!
929
01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:13,647
Seize them!
930
01:13:13,777 --> 01:13:15,948
Catch them!
931
01:13:16,014 --> 01:13:20,417
Hold up, men,
we'll head them off at the pass!
932
01:13:21,719 --> 01:13:26,053
Head them off at the pass?
I hate that cliché!
933
01:13:43,107 --> 01:13:44,044
What you...?
934
01:13:44,542 --> 01:13:45,600
Say, "Hello."
935
01:13:46,110 --> 01:13:46,872
Hello.
936
01:13:47,946 --> 01:13:49,846
Listen to me, and listen to me good.
937
01:13:49,981 --> 01:13:52,313
I want you to get
all the brothers together...
938
01:13:52,650 --> 01:13:56,609
round up all the lumber, canvas, paint
and nails you can lay your hands on...
939
01:13:56,955 --> 01:14:02,353
and meet me tonight 3 miles
due east of Rock Ridge at midnight.
940
01:14:02,427 --> 01:14:03,673
You understand?
941
01:14:04,011 --> 01:14:04,875
Say, "Goodbye."
942
01:14:04,918 --> 01:14:06,090
Goodbye.
943
01:14:06,564 --> 01:14:07,758
Thanks a lot, brother.
944
01:14:36,794 --> 01:14:39,864
All right, folks, I know you're a bit
confused wondering what you're doing...
945
01:14:39,964 --> 01:14:42,324
out in the middle of the prairie
in the middle of the night.
946
01:14:42,333 --> 01:14:44,403
You bet your ass!
947
01:14:44,702 --> 01:14:45,669
I'm hip.
948
01:14:46,337 --> 01:14:47,929
Now, before the sun comes up...
949
01:14:48,239 --> 01:14:54,007
we're going to build on this site an
exact replica of the town of Rock Ridge.
950
01:14:57,015 --> 01:15:00,507
Every building, every store front,
every rock and every tree...
951
01:15:00,852 --> 01:15:04,253
right down to the orange roof
on Howard Johnson's outhouse.
952
01:15:05,857 --> 01:15:06,846
I get it!
953
01:15:07,191 --> 01:15:09,921
And tomorrow when Hedley Lamarr
and his men come riding in...
954
01:15:10,061 --> 01:15:11,382
to destroy the real Rock Ridge...
955
01:15:11,396 --> 01:15:13,396
they'll actually be destroying
the fake Rock Ridge!
956
01:15:13,464 --> 01:15:15,867
But they'll think
it's the real Rock Ridge!
957
01:15:15,967 --> 01:15:17,867
But we'll know it's the fake Rock Ridge!
958
01:15:18,202 --> 01:15:21,535
How're we going to do it? We don't
have the time and we ain't got the people.
959
01:15:21,873 --> 01:15:24,137
Wrong! There's why.
960
01:15:27,011 --> 01:15:28,911
Who the hell are they?
961
01:15:32,784 --> 01:15:37,483
Rail road workers. They've agreed
to help us make our dream come true.
962
01:15:37,989 --> 01:15:40,457
And all they ask in return
is a little plot of land...
963
01:15:40,592 --> 01:15:42,583
they can call their own to homestead.
964
01:15:42,927 --> 01:15:44,053
Now what do you say?
965
01:15:50,361 --> 01:15:51,275
All right!
966
01:15:51,502 --> 01:15:55,029
We'll give some land to the niggers
and the Chinks...
967
01:15:55,673 --> 01:15:57,868
but we don't want the Irish!
968
01:16:03,314 --> 01:16:04,938
No deal.
969
01:16:05,450 --> 01:16:09,011
Ah, prairie shit! Everybody!
970
01:16:13,825 --> 01:16:15,223
Oh, Lord!
971
01:16:16,027 --> 01:16:22,042
Do we have the strength to carry on
this mighty task in one night?
972
01:16:23,434 --> 01:16:25,766
Or are we just jerking off?
973
01:16:26,106 --> 01:16:28,012
Amen!
974
01:16:36,514 --> 01:16:41,178
Okay, okay, we have done it.
Now, let's see what we have done.
975
01:17:21,459 --> 01:17:26,123
Men, you are about to embark
on a great crusade...
976
01:17:27,131 --> 01:17:29,622
to stamp out runaway
decency in the West.
977
01:17:30,334 --> 01:17:32,564
Now you will only
be risking your lives...
978
01:17:33,004 --> 01:17:38,597
whilst I will be risking an almost
certain Academy Award nomination...
979
01:17:38,743 --> 01:17:40,176
for Best Supporting Actor.
980
01:17:41,079 --> 01:17:43,714
Now raise your right
hand for the pledge.
981
01:17:45,516 --> 01:17:46,414
Right!
982
01:17:48,252 --> 01:17:52,752
- And repeat after me. I...
- I...
983
01:17:52,833 --> 01:17:55,395
- ...your name...
- ...your name...
984
01:17:55,593 --> 01:18:00,327
- Schmucks! ...pledge allegiance...
- ...pledge allegiance...
985
01:18:00,698 --> 01:18:04,158
- ...to Hedley Lamarr...
- ...to Hedy Lamarr...
986
01:18:04,502 --> 01:18:07,031
- That's Hedley!
- ...that's Hedley...
987
01:18:07,706 --> 01:18:10,930
- ...and to the evil...
- ...and to the evil...
988
01:18:11,275 --> 01:18:14,676
- ...for which he stands!
- ...for which he stands!
989
01:18:15,046 --> 01:18:23,483
Now go do that voodoo
that you do so well!
990
01:18:30,035 --> 01:18:31,145
Hold it!
991
01:18:31,208 --> 01:18:32,552
Hold it!
992
01:18:32,830 --> 01:18:35,628
Hold the happiness. We are in trouble.
993
01:18:37,034 --> 01:18:39,502
Yep! We forgot one little detail.
994
01:18:39,737 --> 01:18:43,468
Nothing is missing. Everything is here,
down to the last hitching post.
995
01:18:44,041 --> 01:18:46,202
People. There's no people.
996
01:18:46,544 --> 01:18:48,978
Now don't panic. Don't panic.
997
01:18:49,747 --> 01:18:52,545
We just made a perfect copy
of Rock Ridge.
998
01:18:52,850 --> 01:18:56,308
Now all we've got to do is make
perfect copies of ourselves.
999
01:18:57,655 --> 01:18:59,816
But they'll be here in half an hour.
1000
01:19:00,158 --> 01:19:02,319
Right, so we've got to
start working fast.
1001
01:19:02,693 --> 01:19:06,424
Now you men start working on the dummies.
Jim and Mongo, come with me.
1002
01:19:06,998 --> 01:19:10,661
I've got an idea that will
slow them down to a crawl.
1003
01:19:11,002 --> 01:19:11,900
All right, let's go!
1004
01:19:20,111 --> 01:19:22,102
Yeah, that's nice. That's nice.
1005
01:19:44,266 --> 01:19:49,727
Le Petomane Thruway! Now what
will that asshole think of next?
1006
01:19:51,542 --> 01:19:53,533
Has anybody got a dime?
1007
01:19:53,619 --> 01:19:55,416
- I don't got a dime.
- I got nothing.
1008
01:19:55,502 --> 01:19:58,409
Somebody's got to go back
and get a shit-load of dimes.
1009
01:20:07,625 --> 01:20:11,561
Hurry up. Speed it up or we ain't
ever going to get to Rock Ridge!
1010
01:20:12,129 --> 01:20:14,893
Come on, move them through!
1011
01:20:21,138 --> 01:20:23,072
Well, they're through the tollbooth.
1012
01:20:25,576 --> 01:20:28,067
Look at this, they're buying it!
1013
01:20:38,422 --> 01:20:41,858
All right, here we go.
Hold your ears, folks!
1014
01:20:42,326 --> 01:20:43,918
It's show time!
1015
01:20:48,892 --> 01:20:49,722
Nothing!
1016
01:20:50,130 --> 01:20:51,392
What are we going to do?
1017
01:20:51,792 --> 01:20:55,091
Any minute now they're going to discover
the town is fake and pull out!
1018
01:20:55,980 --> 01:20:56,988
Jim, baby.
1019
01:20:57,341 --> 01:20:59,844
You think you could squeeze off
a little shot from here...
1020
01:20:59,944 --> 01:21:01,935
and set off the dynamite down there?
1021
01:21:03,047 --> 01:21:04,378
I'll give it a try.
1022
01:21:15,026 --> 01:21:18,604
Oh, Lord, keep this man's eye keen...
1023
01:21:18,629 --> 01:21:20,620
and may God grant...
1024
01:21:32,810 --> 01:21:34,038
It's a fake!
1025
01:21:34,378 --> 01:21:35,970
We've been suckered in!
1026
01:21:53,164 --> 01:21:56,600
Okay, folks, let's wipe them out!
1027
01:22:21,192 --> 01:22:22,625
Forgive me, Lord!
1028
01:22:34,785 --> 01:22:36,574
You son of a bitch!
1029
01:22:45,621 --> 01:22:47,418
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
1030
01:22:50,809 --> 01:22:56,434
♪ Ja, ja, ja, ja ♪
1031
01:23:25,790 --> 01:23:27,758
♪ Throw out your hands
Stick out your tush ♪
1032
01:23:27,858 --> 01:23:29,849
♪ Hands on your hips
Give them a push ♪
1033
01:23:30,161 --> 01:23:33,494
♪ You'll be surprised
You're doing the French Mistake. Voilà! ♪
1034
01:23:36,308 --> 01:23:37,639
All right, cut!
1035
01:23:42,606 --> 01:23:43,595
Wrong!
1036
01:23:45,952 --> 01:23:46,756
Okay.
1037
01:23:46,811 --> 01:23:50,269
Just watch me. It's so simple!
1038
01:23:50,614 --> 01:23:51,945
You sissy Marys!
1039
01:23:52,616 --> 01:23:56,985
Give me the playback.
And watch me, faggots!
1040
01:23:58,856 --> 01:24:01,012
♪ Throw out your hands
Stick out your tush ♪
1041
01:24:01,075 --> 01:24:03,293
♪ Hands on your hips
Give them a push ♪
1042
01:24:03,333 --> 01:24:06,598
♪ You'll be surprised
You're doing the French Mistake. Voilà!
1043
01:24:08,864 --> 01:24:09,989
Shit.
1044
01:24:10,577 --> 01:24:11,509
Have you got it?
1045
01:24:11,635 --> 01:24:12,863
Yessssssss.
1046
01:24:13,838 --> 01:24:15,533
Sounds like steam escaping!
1047
01:24:16,073 --> 01:24:19,236
Action! Okay. Oh, wait until I get out.
1048
01:24:19,362 --> 01:24:21,768
Wait until I get out. Okay.
1049
01:24:22,565 --> 01:24:23,901
Playback!
1050
01:24:28,178 --> 01:24:30,420
♪ Throw out your hands
Stick out your tush ♪
1051
01:24:30,450 --> 01:24:32,459
♪ Hands on your hips
Give them a push ♪
1052
01:24:32,513 --> 01:24:33,559
♪ You'll be surprised... ♪
1053
01:24:50,007 --> 01:24:53,943
Cut! What in the hell
do you think you're doing here?
1054
01:24:54,278 --> 01:24:56,178
This is a closed set!
1055
01:24:57,248 --> 01:24:59,910
Piss on you!
I'm working for Mel Brooks.
1056
01:25:00,251 --> 01:25:02,185
Not in the face!
1057
01:25:04,121 --> 01:25:05,053
Thank you.
1058
01:25:05,589 --> 01:25:08,558
They've hit Buddy!
Come on, girls!
1059
01:25:18,269 --> 01:25:19,930
You vulgar shit!
1060
01:25:20,371 --> 01:25:23,033
Why, you miserable pansy!
1061
01:25:27,745 --> 01:25:29,372
I'm parked over by the commissary.
1062
01:25:34,251 --> 01:25:37,743
You brute, you brute,
you brute, you vicious brute!
1063
01:25:39,490 --> 01:25:41,481
All right, all right...
1064
01:25:56,440 --> 01:25:58,101
How many days do you have left, Joey?
1065
01:25:58,475 --> 01:26:00,943
They lose me right
after the bunker scene.
1066
01:26:03,514 --> 01:26:04,606
What the hell is that?
1067
01:26:10,387 --> 01:26:13,288
Get your pies for the great pie fight!
1068
01:26:17,528 --> 01:26:20,397
This is our Studio commissary
where some Hollywood stars...
1069
01:26:20,497 --> 01:26:22,192
come to eat. Keep in line.
1070
01:26:29,707 --> 01:26:32,301
And now we'll go to the
Special Effects Department.
1071
01:26:36,964 --> 01:26:40,411
Yankee bean soup, coleslaw
and tuna surprise.
1072
01:27:20,858 --> 01:27:21,847
Taxi!
1073
01:27:27,298 --> 01:27:28,856
Drive me off this picture!
1074
01:27:58,295 --> 01:27:59,387
You dropped your beads.
1075
01:27:59,730 --> 01:28:00,719
One, please.
1076
01:28:02,245 --> 01:28:03,897
Uh, student.
1077
01:28:04,222 --> 01:28:05,390
Are you kidding?
1078
01:28:07,971 --> 01:28:09,131
Pain in the ass.
1079
01:28:09,773 --> 01:28:12,105
Look, Herman,
I'm in Hedy Lamarr's shoes!
1080
01:28:12,409 --> 01:28:13,239
Hedley!
1081
01:28:17,354 --> 01:28:18,487
Freezing it.
1082
01:28:30,060 --> 01:28:30,763
Sorry.
1083
01:28:39,021 --> 01:28:40,185
Shit.
1084
01:28:42,339 --> 01:28:43,169
Freeze it!
1085
01:28:44,174 --> 01:28:46,175
Okay, Lamarr, go for your gun.
1086
01:28:46,206 --> 01:28:49,836
Wait, wait, wait, I'm unarmed.
1087
01:28:50,347 --> 01:28:53,282
All right, we'll settle it like men.
1088
01:28:54,851 --> 01:28:56,135
With our fists.
1089
01:28:57,187 --> 01:29:00,987
Sorry, I just remembered. I am armed.
1090
01:29:08,330 --> 01:29:13,229
How did he do such fantastic stunts
with such little feet?
1091
01:29:18,255 --> 01:29:20,870
Wow. You shot the bad guy!
1092
01:29:23,414 --> 01:29:24,881
Well, what do you want to do now?
1093
01:29:25,582 --> 01:29:27,914
Come on, let's check out
the end of the flick.
1094
01:29:28,487 --> 01:29:31,582
Gee, I sure hope there's a happy ending.
I love a happy ending.
1095
01:29:37,161 --> 01:29:40,221
Sheriff, you can't go now.
We need you.
1096
01:29:40,931 --> 01:29:44,492
My work here is done.
I'm needed elsewhere now.
1097
01:29:45,269 --> 01:29:48,238
I'm needed wherever
outlaws rule the West.
1098
01:29:48,572 --> 01:29:52,565
Wherever innocent women and children
are afraid to walk the streets.
1099
01:29:53,042 --> 01:29:56,007
Wherever a man cannot
live in simple dignity.
1100
01:29:56,346 --> 01:30:00,077
Wherever a people cry out for justice.
1101
01:30:00,847 --> 01:30:02,249
Bullshit!
1102
01:30:04,992 --> 01:30:06,323
All right, you caught me.
1103
01:30:06,490 --> 01:30:10,125
To speak the plain truth, it's getting
pretty damn dull around here.
1104
01:30:10,461 --> 01:30:13,692
Good luck, Bart, and God bless you.
1105
01:30:16,141 --> 01:30:17,750
Oh, Bart!
1106
01:30:18,936 --> 01:30:20,267
'Bye, baby brother.
1107
01:30:22,406 --> 01:30:24,101
Keep the faith, brothers!
1108
01:30:40,591 --> 01:30:42,081
Where are you headed, cowboy?
1109
01:30:43,560 --> 01:30:44,720
Nowhere special.
1110
01:30:47,731 --> 01:30:52,395
Nowhere special.
I always wanted to go there.
1111
01:30:54,404 --> 01:30:55,166
Come on!
1112
01:31:25,799 --> 01:31:30,269
♪ He conquered fear
And he conquered hate ♪
1113
01:31:30,607 --> 01:31:37,394
♪ He turned our night into day ♪84466
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