Original subtitles

Hi,

this is Ellen.

Well, this isn't Ellen. This is Ellen's machine. But if you're looking for

Ellen, and frankly, who isn't, she's not here. She's out. Well, she's here now

because she's leaving this message. But she'll be back soon. And if you leave a

message after the beep, she'll call you back. Thanks a bunch. Bye -bye.

I'm a goon.

Friday, you promised you'd fix my clutch today.

The brakes?

Well, there's nothing wrong with the brakes.

Yeah, I know what brake shoes are.

I have a pair.

I also have some brake socks.

It's a joke. You can use it if you want to.

You don't have to get nasty.

Yeah, fix the brakes.

And the carburetor.

Okay, do whatever you have to do. Bye. So what did you bring the car in for in

the first place?

Gas.

Last time I do full service.

You know, Adam, the only two differences I've noticed since you moved out are

that my rent's doubled and you're here more often. I was out of cereal.

Luckily, I stocked up before the big cornflake embargo.

Hey, Ellen.

Hey, Adam.

Hey. Ready to go?

Yep. Wow, you look nice.

Why so dressy? Uh, the new manager I hired starts today. I want to make a

first impression.

Ellen, you're his boss.

I know. I hope he likes me.

We're going.

Okay. You need more milk.

Put your bowl in the sink when you're done.

Ellen, I'm a guest.

This is great. With this new manager, you're going to get to take a day off

every once in a while. I know. It's going to be such a relief not to have to

work 12 hours a day, seven days a week.

Ellen, shh. This is Cobra. We're just walking.

Why did I laugh? Would you keep it down?

Sorry, Miss Cobra. We're trying to be quiet. That's you trying to be quiet?

Ha! Thought I heard a buffalo was stampeding by.

Maybe I was right.

Listen, give me... We'll be more considerate next time.

Ha!

She is horrible.

I know. Four years of this.

One day I'm going to really let her have it.

Now, shh.

Signing a new member's joining our little family?

Jeepers, yes.

I was really lucky to get him, too, because he used to be an executive at

World of Books chain.

Huh. Corporate executive, manager of this place.

Hmm.

I guess there is something I need to tell you about Lloyd. Um, apparently he

leave his last job a little early because of a very minor emotional

but he's all better now.

And the only reason I even bring it up is so that you're careful not to say

anything insensitive to him.

Oh, I can be very sensitive.

In fact, for a while, I was considering becoming a therapist.

Really? Yeah, but my guidance counselor steered me away from it because of my

mocking, callous personality.

Hi, Lloyd. Welcome to Buy the Book. Thank you for having me, Ellen. This job

just what I needed.

You're my savior.

Ah, well, boss will do.

And I want you to know you did not make a mistake. My problems are behind me. I

am completely prepared to function in a workplace again.

Whew.

I forgot about all this pressure.

This is just the morning rush. It'll pass.

I want you to meet our coffee man, Joe Farrell, Lloyd Chomney. Chomney, hi.

I want you to know that you're more than just the manager. You're the expert. I

want to hear all your ideas on how to make the store better.

Well, you could make some changes in the atmosphere around here, add a little

music, rearrange a few things, and, of course, eliminate the most glaring drain

on your profits.

What's that?

Why is Joe serving coffee to the customers? Now, I'm not talking about

eliminating the coffee area entirely, but there's no reason why Joe can't

continue to run his operation from a small cart on the sidewalk.

That sounds like a very reasonable idea, but before we go any further with it,

I'd like to remind everyone that Lloyd here is an acknowledged fruitcake.

Oh, there's no need for name -calling.

It's all right. I've had a lot of therapy, and I am not going to be

these silly, childish taunts from Donut Boy. Oh, isn't that cute? We already

have nicknames for each other.

This is great.

Fruitcake and Donut Boy.

I wonder what my nickname's going to be.

Does it have to be a pastry?

Okay, Stone.

You can call me Stoney Girl.

I'll be in my office.

Hey, Joe.

Where's Ellen?

In there.

Thanks.

Hi, I'm Paige.

Hi.

Joe, how's the new manager working out?

Terrible. They hate each other. No kidding. It's like Vietnam out there.

are you doing in here? This is like Canada.

All right.

Admit it, Ellen.

You're afraid of conflict.

I mean, like that thing this morning with that old bat. I would have just let

her have it. Oh, yeah, great. And then I'd be worried constantly about Miss

Cogar scratching my car or jumping out of the bushes and beating me up.

She's in her 70s. She works out.

She's got quite a left hook when the weather's not damp.

You know what? You ought to go out there and just knock their heads together.

You're the boss. Get mad. Don't swallow your anger.

Well, I've developed quite a taste for my anger.

Mmm, that's good anger.

Seriously, Paige, I'm not an angry person. I have a different approach to

problem -solving than you.

That's right. You approach, you see the problem, and then you run.

This is a carefully thought -out managerial technique. I am giving them

time and space that they need to work out their differences. The moment I feel

like they need me, I'm out there.

Hey, that almost hit my head.

Butterfingers.

Just waiting for a sign, and then I go.

You made this mess, Joe. You clean it up. I was throwing the mug at you.

You clean it up. I'll clean it up with your face.

Are we going to go?

Are we going to go?

Because if we're going to go, let's go.

Bye -bye.

Thank you for coming.

Hey, sit down, please. Sit down.

work on the way that we're communicating with each other. Instead of name

-calling, let's constructively express ourselves with sentences beginning with

feel.

For instance, I feel sad that my employees aren't getting along better.

Floyd, are you ready to express yourself?

I feel uncomfortable because Joe is not respecting my boundaries.

Good. Good. All right.

Joe, are you ready to respond?

I think so.

I feel... Lloyd should bite me.

Joe, that could be taken two ways.

I'm so sorry. I hope you're not mad.

I'm not mad.

It was another 45 minutes. Anything to extend this gem of a day.

You're mad. I'm not mad.

Paige, I'm not mad. I mean, if I were to get mad today, I could have gotten mad

when Joe mooned Lloyd.

I could have gotten mad when Lloyd mooned Joe.

Could have gotten mad when Joe and Lloyd mooned me in accidentally Mrs.

Henderson's fourth grade field trip.

And I could have gotten mad when Mrs. Henderson mooned me, but I didn't.

I didn't get mad then, and I'm not mad now.

These are flimsy chairs.

Let's go.

What's all the commotion?

No, it's just you.

Miss Coker, I had a long day. I just want to go to my apartment. I'm terribly

sorry. If I disturbed you. Well, why don't you spend less time being sorry

more time being quiet, huh?

Is this really all you have time for, is just to wait for me to pass by so you

can abuse me? Because if it is, let's really make it worth your while, okay?

How's this, better?

Or how about this?

I make noise all day. I make noise when I drive. I make noise when I work. I

even make a little bit of noise when I sleep.

Oh, yes, Fabio, feed me the baby carrots.

I mean, you could spend your entire day screaming at me.

Wouldn't that make your rich, full life more complete, huh?

No, tomorrow is no good.

No, you promised my car would be ready today, and that's when I want it. And if

it isn't ready, then you're the one who's going to be needing some repairs.

Are we clear?

Are we clear?

I thought so.

Wow. Oh, that's nothing. You should have seen me last night. Boy, I gave that

old bag a taste of her own Metamucil. I realized that I do have...

I mean, I do have anger, and it felt good.

And as for you, you're through freeloading off of my breakfast foods,

need a shave. What's wrong?

It was horrible.

I went into Mrs. Coger's apartment to fix her sink, and she was just sitting

there slumped over, face down in a bowl of stew.

Eating?

Dead.

killed a human being.

And you know what they say, once you've killed the first one, the next one's

easy.

My God, I'm on a spree.

Ellen, you didn't kill her.

Yeah, and that's the story we all have to stick with.

Such a horrible image.

I may never eat stew again.

And thank God it wasn't clam chowder.

I love clam chowder.

I'm looking for the building manager.

Oh, yes, officer, that would be me. Sir, we just want to let you know we've

taken away the body.

Poor old woman, just covered in stew.

Oh, it wasn't stew, sir. It was clam chowder.

No.

No!

Poor guy.

He's so upset. We all are. We all loved Mrs. Coker. I spoke to her just last

night. What time?

Oh, around nine.

Out of curiosity, what time did she die?

Well, it's hard to pinpoint exactly, but it was somewhere between 9 .04 and 9

.08.

So it's pretty much anybody's guess.

So you spoke to her at 9, just before she died.

What?

Oh, no, I can see where the confusion would be. No, when I say 9, I just say 9

sometimes when I don't know what time it is. For instance, ask me what time it

is right now. 9. See?

I don't know.

That's how I'm up at the crack of 9. I work from 9 to 9. I get home in time for

the 9 o 'clock news. Look at you. You've got a 9 o 'clock shadow.

All right.

Well, I'll just be on my way. Okay.

Protect and serve.

Serve and protect.

Did you hear that? I'm a murderer.

You are not a murderer.

She drowned in a bowl of clam chowder. Oh, sure.

Everybody's always so quick to blame the chowder.

No, it was my anger that killed her.

That'll never happen again, though. Because from now on, it stays bottled up

right inside of here where it belongs. It's too late for Miss Coger.

But I can still save others from Ellen's dance of death.

Ellen, all you did was yell at her. She lived a full life. She was old.

Exactly. Exactly. Her poor heart couldn't take it. And I didn't just yell

her, either. I mean, I really tore into her. I was vicious. And I could sense

her weakened, too. But did I back off? No. I went right for the jugular.

And you want to know something?

I liked it.

I liked it.

Ellen, I made a few changes. What do you think?

Great.

Great. Isn't this music a little, uh... Well, first of all, is this music?

Yes. It keeps customers moving. It was the secret to my success at World of

Books. The rhythm is gonna getcha.

Yeah, oh, it's getting me.

Hey, look over here. I took out the coffee area. More room for books.

Where's Joe? Coffee.

Biscotti. Somebody shoot me.

Coffee, biscotti, kill me now.

Ellen,

make him stop.

Tell him I don't have to do this.

Ellen, I thought we agreed to try some of my ideas.

Well, yeah, I guess we did.

Fine, then I quit.

Oh, Joe, you can't quit. How will we replace you? I mean, who else knows how

make coffee?

Oh, that's right, everyone.

Please make him stop. I look ridiculous.

Hey, just give it a try, okay?

I'll talk to Lloyd.

Coffee, biscotti, please end my suffering.

Lloyd, I have to tell you that this is not the bookstore that I want to own.

And let's go back to the old chairs.

Oh, fine. I was confused. I thought you went into business to make money.

Well, yes, I did, but I... Look, little lady, I've been in the book business a

few years more than you have. You want profit?

You do it Lloyd's way.

Gee, I wish you wouldn't have just called me little lady.

Something like that can make me angry.

Only one person's ever seen me angry, and now I'm on my way to her funeral.

Ellen, do we have to go to this?

Hey, when I kill someone, I go to their funeral.

It's just the way I was brought up.

If everyone were to be defeated...

I think this will give me some closure.

Well, let's hope so.

Even when a person has lived a long, full life as Beverly Coger did, upon

their passing, it is only natural to ask the question, why?

Why was our beloved Beverly taken from us?

I doubt that this is helping us.

Now, if anyone would care to...

Remember Beverly in their own special way.

Please, feel free to speak.

I was sitting on my keys.

Well, there's punch and cookies in the lobby. Thank you all for coming.

Hey, wait, hold it.

That's no way to say goodbye to...

Dear Mrs. Coger, I've got something to say.

Hey, ma 'am.

Don't bogart the Oreos.

Well, what can I say about Beverly?

Bev.

Well... Apartment 2.

Woman.

Senior citizen.

Great hearing.

I killed her.

Let's see what else.

What do you mean you killed her?

I screamed at her four to eight minutes before she died. There was dancing. I

don't want to get into it. It wasn't pretty.

You think you killed her because you yelled at her? Yes.

Miss, a little yelling wasn't going to hurt my aunt.

She screamed and got screamed at every day of her life.

She only had one way of communicating with people, and that was at the top of

her lungs.

I mean, we all loved her.

We all loved her.

But the fact is, when a person only knows how to scream, they're kind of

to get along with.

And, well, when they finally die, well, you're kind of glad.

And another thing, Lloyd.

This is my store. I make the rules.

I'm not angry now, but I could get angry. And if I do, that's okay, too. So

now on, it's my way or the highway.

Yeah, I like it. I like how my way and the highway rhyme.

It's not too much. What about that hand thing? The hand is a good touch, yeah.

You're spinning a little bit too much.

A little is good. Don't overdo it. Did I hit you?

Here I go.

Thank you.

What's Books for Socks?

It's my new promotion.

Books for Socks.

What part of it don't you understand?

Oh, sir.

Forgot you changed.

Pressure got to you again, didn't it? Sort of.

You're fired, Lloyd. Thank you.

But I'm rich.

Rich, I tell you!

Taxi!

Taxi!

Well, Joe, it's just you and me again.

Yeah, everything back to normal.

You know, in a way, I'm gonna miss Lloyd.

Coffee.

Biscotti. Who had the thong?

It's great to walk past this door and not worry about getting screamed at.

Sorry.

You scared me.

Not that you're scary. You're not. You're very pretty. But pretty scares

You're pretty scary.

You know, I'm just scared by pretty. One time I saw Elle MacPherson and Cindy

Crawford having coffee and, oh, you know.

And the whole Miss America pageant. Big Friday the 13th movie to me.

I'm Gwen. I just moved in. Oh, hi, I'm Ellen. Hi, I'm Adam, building manager.

If you need anything, I'm right upstairs.

Excellent. Thanks.

Okay, well, bye. Oh, uh, one thing. When you go past my door, could you keep it

down?