Original subtitles

Come on out, Ellen. It's just a bridesmaid's dress. How bad can it be?

It's bad.

It's hellishly bad.

In fact, when I die, that's how I'll know I'm in hell, because everyone there

will look this bad.

Ellen, get your butt out here. I'm sure you look fine.

No, I don't.

I'm coming out anyway.

Looks fine.

That is a great color on you.

Come on, I look awful.

No, not at all.

Adam, do you have those photos that you took of me last week? They're in the

darkroom. Would you like to see them? Sure.

I'm just wondering, does this part break away when you reach orbit?

All right, that's enough.

Enough now.

No more laughing at Ellen.

You know what the good thing is, is that when this wedding is finished, I can

have it taken in a little bit and shorten the sleeves and we can all go

Why did I wait till the last minute to try this on? I have a million things to

do. Ellen, why don't you let me help you with some of that? No, no, no, no. This

is my gift to Stephen and Cindy. I'm handling all the arrangements for the

rehearsal dinner. Hey, you're finally going to get to meet Cindy. Do you know

anything about her? No, I don't. I know that she loves my brother and apparently

has a very cruel sense of humor.

It's your Aunt Helen.

Hi, Aunt Helen.

Oh, okay. The restaurant is on Burton Way, just east of Robertson.

No, no, Burton Way.

Just east of Robertson.

No, east.

Of Robertson.

Burton Way, just east of Robertson.

Right.

Burton Way.

Right. I'll see you there.

East. Okay.

She'll never find it.

Paige, give me my clipboard, will you, and read me the rest of the stuff that I

have to do on my list.

Practice toast.

Done that.

It's got everything. It's got heart, it's got laughs, it's got a car chase.

Okay, next, tell Adam about photographer.

Oops. I thought I was the photographer.

I recommended you to Cindy, but she chose someone with more wedding

I'm really sorry. More experience?

Who'd they hire?

His name is Jack Sanders.

You know him? He was in school with us. What a hack.

His wedding photos have no depth or feeling.

They're just these beautiful, glossy pictures of happy people smiling and

looking good.

That is appalling. Someone call 60 Minutes. No.

You don't understand. You know, in his pictures, you never see who the people

really are.

This is my family, Adam. You don't want to see who they really are.

You know, I haven't seen your brother since he was 17. He had thick glasses

braces and greasy hair, and he invited me to his prom.

Did I shoot him down?

Well, it was your loss, because we had a great time.

And he's all grown up, and he's very successful, which my parents will

many, many times this evening.

You're successful?

Oh, no, no. The Morgan family wisdom is that Stephen has the business head. I'm

just the clown.

Well... In a circus family, you'd be the favorite.

I'm sure your parents are proud of you.

Well, just once, I'd like to hear them say it. You know, I mean, because

me, if anything goes wrong tonight, I will never hear the end of it.

That can't be as bad as my parents.

Tell them the barbecue story.

All right, listen to this, and you're going to love it.

I threw my parents a barbecue for their 30th anniversary, and my dad picks up a

chicken leg with the barbecue tongs, and it falls to the ground, totally his

fault, and he looks at me and he went, nice tongs, Ellen.

Can you believe that?

So, who had to eat the chicken leg?

Just make sure Joe has everything he needs.

Oh,

Evan.

Is that what you're wearing?

Just for the cocktail party, Mom. Naturally, I'll need to change for the

swimsuit competition.

Now, no need to be flipped, dear. You look very nice. It's just that I was

hoping you'd wear a dress tonight. You know, Cindy's cousin Bobby will be here,

and he's just been through a messy divorce.

Oh, great. Maybe on our first date we can go to an ugly custody hearing.

I'm just trying to make sure everything goes smoothly. I'm not trying to catch a

man.

Tick -tock.

Hi,

Dad. Hi, Ellen.

Now, Harold, don't say anything about her outfit. She's not trying to look

attractive tonight.

I think she looks just fine.

Thanks, Dad.

Hey, you've been working on your toast. I'm giving one, too. I think you're

going to like it. Oh, that's nice.

Don't get too nervous, though. Remember Swan Lake? I was five.

I was under a lot of pressure. I was head swan.

You got up on your toes and whoosh, right on the stage.

Someday I'll look back on that story and laugh.

We're going to bingo now. Do that, okay?

You didn't hear any of that, did you? No. Good.

Thanks again for the job tonight. Everything looks great. Your parents

thrilled.

They didn't say.

Isn't it strange how you can love your parents and want to strangle them at the

same time?

Not me.

Come on, never?

I figure these are people who gave me life, raised me, made sacrifices for me.

The least I can do is forgive their tiny foibles and idiosyncrasies.

Wow. So you're really close with your parents?

Haven't talked to them in ten years.

Well, but you just said... Forgive, yes.

Forget.

Never. Hey, you see this?

Oh, you look great.

You too.

I've missed you. I've missed you.

Oh, let me guess.

Cindy? Hi. Oh, it is so great to finally meet you. Oh, you too. And listen, I am

so sorry about the bridesmaid dress.

Sorry? Why? I love it.

That style is a family tradition. It's pretty tacky. No, it's wonderful. I wore

it to the movies last night.

They got to have a good dry cleaners because they had nachos everywhere.

Listen, we cannot thank you enough for everything you've done.

Oh, well, try. It was expensive.

You remember Paige?

Steven. Hi.

You look great.

This is my fiancée, Cindy Waterman. Hi. Nice to meet you. How are you?

You know, you haven't changed a bit.

Oh, you have changed a lot.

Who knew that this was hiding under all that metal, glass, and grease?

Well, lucky for me, I know how to spot a diamond in the rough.

How do you do that exactly?

Oh, you know, my cousin's here. I want to introduce you. Oh, he's talking to my

parents. About now, I'm guessing my mom's trying to explain why I'm in my

and still without a husband.

So is our 30th anniversary.

And Stephen calls us and says he forgot something in our garage. We go in, and

there, with a giant bow around it, is a brand -new Lexus.

Stop it. You're embarrassing me.

Yeah, stop it. You're embarrassing Stephen.

Helen, it's for you.

Hello?

No, it's east of Robertson.

Are you sure? Yeah. Remember Swan Lake?

Stephen proposed to Cindy at sunset on bended knee in Rome.

That could have been me, but no.

I just fall for the pretty boys who break my heart. I am so superficial.

You know, when I saw Beauty and the Beast, I rooted for Gaston.

You rooted for Gaston?

He had a really good body, and even when the beast turned into a man, he wasn't

so hot.

Boy, the point of that movie was really lost on you, wasn't it?

This is a terrific dinner, Ellen. You did a great job.

Thanks.

I hope everybody's had a good time tonight.

I'd like to say thanks to my big sister for making tonight possible.

You're welcome. You're welcome.

You know, I was three when Stephen was born.

I didn't have him. Mom did. But anyway,

it was two days before Christmas, and I had asked for a pony.

And they came home from the hospital, and they said, we have something better

than a pony. And they showed me this red, wrinkly, screaming, very, very ugly

baby. I took one look at that thing, and I said, you take that thing back, and

you get me my pony.

That's what I said. I'm not taking it back. But so then, through the years, it

kind of smoothed out. Some of the redness went away, and he grew to be one

the most wonderful people I've ever known.

And, Stephen, you're no pony, but as brothers go, I couldn't have done any

better.

Yeah,

Stephen sure has gone through some changes over the years.

Remember the summer he insisted on wearing Spock ears?

All summer long, he had to wear the Spock ears.

Then the brief stint as a punk rocker.

And who can forget Rachel?

But having met Cindy, I'm doubly glad that wedding didn't take place.

And then I... Just a minute.

You were engaged to someone before me?

Honey, I... How could you not tell me something like that, Stephen? I just

didn't think... I mean, it's just... I mean, I can't believe...

I'm sorry.

Nice toast, Ellen.

Your Aunt Helen called?

She's fine.

She's been in a little accident on Burton Way just west of Robertson.

I don't know where she went.

I'm so sorry.

Hey, any chance she was so moved by my toast she just needed a few moments to

collect herself?

I doubt it.

You know, it's my fault, not yours. I should have told her about Rachel.

It's good she knows.

So you're glad I did it? Don't push it, Ellen.

Look, I better go.

Hey, let me come with you. And when we find her, we'll tell her all the other

idiot things I've said. Remember when I told Mr. Kors that he was lucky because

when the mailman went to his house, he stayed for hours?

For what?

I remember that. See, I have a history of breaking up marriages. I'm going to

get my coat.

No, she's my fiancé. It's my problem. Here's what you can do, though.

Don't cancel anything.

Just get everyone to the chapel on time. I'll find Cindy.

I'm sure she'll be fine once I explain it to her.

Hey, you have it easy. You just have to convince someone to marry you.

I've got to deal with Mom and Dad.

Oh, Ellen, they're not so bad.

They saw what happened.

They can't totally blame you.

We totally blame you, Ellen.

But it wasn't my fault. I mean, Stephen said so himself.

Ah, that Stephen for you. Always offering to take the blame for your

But it was partly his mistake. I mean, he wasn't completely open with her.

Open? Oh, Ellen, is it this obsession with openness that's driving the men

Hey, how's it going out there? How's the crowd? Not bad. It turns out that the

organist you hired also plays at Dodger Stadium.

Mrs. Morgan, that's a lovely outfit you have on. Oh, thank you, Adam.

And doesn't Ellen look lovely in a dress?

Puts ideas in a young man's head, doesn't it?

Just looking at her makes me smile.

I want you to know that if Cindy doesn't come back, I'm willing to give Stephen

another chance.

Oh, we would be thrilled to entrust our son to the girl who taught Ellen to

smoke.

Twenty years ago, it was one cigarette.

Oh, that's true.

I see.

Hello. Hi. Charles Vogel, chapel director.

Hi.

Where's the groom?

He's not here yet.

Oh, well.

This isn't my favorite part of the job, but I'm afraid you've been stood up.

Oh. No, no. The groom is my brother.

Then it's just as well, isn't it?

Now, I... You'll all clear out, and we have another ceremony.

Oh, can I wait just a bit, please?

I'll find Stephen and Cindy. I know I will. Don't worry.

Oh, thank God you're here. Great, we can have a wedding. You just have time to

get changed. Ellen, wait. We're not getting married. Oh, God. No, we are.

good. Just not today. Oh, God. And I want you to tell Mom and Dad.

Oh, good God.

I don't understand.

It's been an unbelievably long 12 hours. Neither of us has the strength to get

through a wedding today. I'm just too embarrassed to face everyone, and we

thought maybe we'd go back home and have a little ceremony on our own.

Well, but we have a beautiful ceremony planned for you right here.

And Oral Hershiser's on the mound.

I don't know, I'm just...

I'm exhausted. I mean, my eyes are bloodshot. I look horrible.

No, you don't. You look... You have a veil, right?

We just think a private ceremony would be better for us.

Steven. Cindy.

You don't get it, do you?

This wedding is not about you.

I mean, this wedding is about something much, much bigger.

This wedding is about me.

What?

If you two don't get married today, this day will forever be known as the day

that Ellen ruined Stephen's wedding, which will go along nicely with the day

that Ellen ruined Stephen's graduation and the day that Ellen ruined Stephen's

12th birthday and the day that Ellen made Stephen eat cat food.

She told me it was candy.

Come on.

You want to get married.

Everybody's here.

Our parents are here.

You know, she's right.

We can either hear about this for the rest of our lives or just tough out the

next 15 minutes and get it over with.

That is so beautiful.

How can you turn down a proposal like that, huh?

Okay. Ah, yes!

Where's Jack? Nobody's taking pictures.

He took off.

Said he had another wedding to cover. How'd you like to take his place?

Really? You won't be sorry.

These will be the most original wedding photos ever. As long as you get a good

one of Stephen and Cindy smiling by the wedding cake.

Smiling? Wedding cake?

Seen it.

Trust me.

It's now or never, people.

It's now. It's now. I'll go get Cindy.

Oh, how embarrassing. We bought the same dress.

Come on, Cindy, we're running out of time. Here, help me do up the back.

Where'd you go last night?

Oh, I just drove and drove. I ended up in some dive in the desert.

Yeah? What made you come back?

I was sitting there crying into my glass of wine, and I remembered that the last

time that I cried that hard was when Stephen proposed.

Yeah, they all cry when Stephen proposes.

Little joke.

But anyway, I just realized I love him so much.

And I'm not going to let the past come between us.

Well, how do I look?

Perfect.

Okay, very nice.

And Helen, remember what I said about the smiling?

Perfect. Okay.

Paige, keep those fingers interlocked.

Adam, take the picture!

Uh, how's everything going?

Reverend Engler and the organist have to leave, and the next couple cannot wait

any longer. The Morgan wedding is off.

Oh, wait, now, hold it, everyone. Just stop. Reverend Engler, where are you

going? Uh, I have another wedding. Two weddings in one day?

Oh, no. Well, what about Corinthians?

2214.

Lo... That thou shalt not bring together man and woman twice on the Sabbath.

It's a beautiful passage. Yes,

the Bible has no Corinthians 22, 14.

Really? Have you gotten the 95 update?

Ellen. Just a little longer, please.

Okay. Oh, God bless you. Like you need that.

Right this way, Billy and Debbie.

Hi, Billy, Debbie, I'm Ellen. Oh, both of you look so beautiful, and you've got

to be excited. You're all dressed up, and there's a minister in there waiting

for you, but do you have to do it right this minute? I mean, can't it wait just

a bit longer?

What do you think?

Well, we are awfully young.

And I would like to go to college.

I think our parents were right. I mean, we can wait a couple of years.

Huh?

Okay. Yeah, I mean...

I was thinking ten minutes, but two years is, you know, we could go long.

knows? Thanks, Ellen. Okay.

Well, looks like we have an opening, huh, Charles?

You look great.

Okay, uh, places, everyone.

Nice job, Ellen.

I know, what a mess.

You really mean that, don't you? We're very proud of you, dear.

Thanks. And now we can't wait to do it again for you.

Someday.

We're going to have a wedding.

Cindy is going to be here in a few minutes, and while we have a minute, I'd

to relay a beautiful story that Cindy told me when we were in the other room.

She said that after the toast, she was upset and she drove somewhere to think

things through, and she was crying and crying, and she was crying into her

of wine, and she said... Cindy, you're drinking again?