Original subtitles

There's this really cool date party Friday night, and I'm possibly one of

few people in school who won't be there.

Oh, come on, Tia. Don't give up yet.

I'm sure there's a lot of guys out there you can hook up with.

You know, you're right. There is this really cute guy in my chemistry class

I think likes me. His name's Kevin Tussauds. Do you know him?

Kevin's my date.

Do you guys know anybody?

I ain't ever gonna let you go.

Lisa, what are you doing?

Making out my will.

It's only bunion surgery.

I know, but you can't be too careful.

Oh, by the way, I'm leaving you the house.

It is my house.

Lisa, bunion surgery is a very minor procedure.

Oh, well, maybe you're right.

Yeah, they just put you under, slice open your foot, break your toes in about

three places, reposition it, and then stitch you right back up.

Is that it? Yeah.

Ray, you get my caddy, too.

Hey, Mom, did anybody call me?

Oh, I got a message from Bobby and Roger and Roger and Roger.

He must have you on speed dial.

Mom, but none of those people are Sean.

Oh, honey, now, look, I know you're holding out waiting for Sean to ask you

the party, but, well, finally, the guy's, like, picking out a cantaloupe.

You can thump him, you can squeeze him, and you can smell him. but you always

end up taking that rotten one home.

Mom, where's this going?

Honey, I want to give you as much advice as I can before I leave this earth.

Mom, it's only bunion surgery.

You sound like Ray.

Yeah, and I'm getting the caddy.

Well, Mom, since I don't have a date, can I cover for you at the cart?

Oh, no, honey, that's all right. My friend Susan, she's going to cover for

Boy, am I pathetic.

I can't even get a date with a cart.

You know, Lisa, I don't know why you didn't ask me to cover for you.

I was quite the salesman when I was in college.

Really, Ray? What did you sell?

Women's shoes.

In fact, at the store, they used to refer to me as the clog king.

Uh, just when I thought you couldn't get more exciting, you proved me right.

Well, thanks.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Look at the way Sean eats a burrito.

Yeah.

Forget about Sean. You have Kevin.

I'm not interested in Sean.

I just want that burrito.

Tamira, this isn't going to work. I mean, he hasn't even looked over here

So, Tia, are you desperate enough to go to the party with me yet?

Look outside.

Our peak's flying.

Rhonda Covey.

I just heard she broke up with her boyfriend, and you know girls on the

are vulnerable.

Okay, honey, give me some room.

Hi, Rhonda. I'm Roger, and I'm desperate for female companionship.

Don't talk about yourself that way.

How could a sweet, good -looking guy like you be desperate?

Well, basically, it's because I'm... What?

Excuse me for a moment.

Ernie. What do I do? I've never been in this position before.

I don't know.

I never got that far either.

Okay.

Do you want to go to Brian Foster's party with me?

I would love to go with you.

Of course you would, sweet thing.

Man.

Back up in biology class.

Hey, Bobby.

Hi.

Hi. Tia, I was wondering if you'd like to go with me to Brian's party.

Well... Of course.

I'm sorry, I thought you were Tia.

She is.

What time can I pick you up?

7 .30.

I'm so excited.

I think my asthma's gone away.

I don't even need this inhaler anymore.

So what should I wear?

What are you asking me for? I don't want to get involved in your life.

Well, maybe this won't be too bad. I mean, I should give him a chance. And

to think of it, we probably have a lot in common. Hey, we're in French class

together. So what if he's not Sean? I'm over him anyway.

Hi, Tia.

Would you like to go to Brian Foster's party with me?

Yes!

Okay, well, I'll see you at 7 .30.

Uh...

Was that me who just said that stupid thing, or was that you again?

Oh, no, I can't take credit for that one. That was you.

Congratulations.

Great! This morning I had no date, now I've got two.

Well, Tia, there's only one mature, intelligent thing you could do.

Break my date with Sean?

No, you nuts!

gonna do? You have two dates.

Oh, wait a minute, Tia. You got that you -be -me look in your eyes.

Ray, my friend Susan, she had to cancel, so I'll take you up on your kind,

generous offer.

Oh, Lisa, don't you know an empty gesture when you hear one?

Well, I guess not, Mr. Clog King.

Yeah, well, don't let it bother you that I have to close up my cart and lose a

day's profit. Hey, it's okay.

See it on the...

There are plenty of aluminum cans on the side of the highway. I'll just run

right down and I'll pick them all.

Okay, okay, I'll work your dumb cart.

Stand up, stand up. Come on, come on. Okay, let's pretend, no, let's pretend

that I'm a customer and I would like to see a delightful Lisa Landry original.

Okay, um... Madam, may I interest you in this dress?

Hmm.

I hate it. It's ugly. It looks like an Afghan.

Oh.

Trust me, I can work your cart.

You're insufferable.

You can't talk to the customer like that.

I want to talk to the manager, and what's your name?

So, Tamir, was Kevin hurt when you told him he had to break your date?

No, I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I told him I had a bad case of the

Ebola virus.

Hey, I just ran an outbreak.

Now, remember, Tamir, tonight you're not you, you're me, so stay away from me

and don't be you, be me. Who do you think you're talking to? You're talking

me, Tamara.

No, I'm talking to me, Tia.

Oh, yeah.

It's Sean. Okay, you wait here for Bobby.

Hi, Tia. Well, you look great.

Why wouldn't I? I'm me.

What?

Uh, nothing. Let's go.

Bonsoir, Tia.

Hey, I just saw Sean with Tamara. I thought she was going out with Kevin.

Oh, well, she's very popular. In fact, if I weren't me, Tia, I'd want to be

Tamara. What a great kid.

Then I blocked a field goal, and we won in the seventh.

Pretty amazing, huh?

Yeah, it's pretty amazing how much time he's been talking about football.

Well, football's pretty amazing.

Do you want to know something else that's pretty amazing?

Did you see the PBS special on the Dolphins? They're endangered, you know.

Oh, I don't know. If Marino can stay healthy and their secondary comes

then I think the Dolphins have a pretty good shot at the playoffs.

Here.

You're talking funny. What, are you having a stroke or something?

No, I just said you looked really pretty tonight.

Gosh, you speak French so très bien in class.

Oh, right.

But you see, after school, I like to put my brain on pause.

So, do you want to dance, s 'il vous plaît?

Uh, si.

Yo, play.

better at breaking up with guys than i am so would you mind switching clothes

with me and pretending to be me and break up with sean for me all right but

you're gonna have to get your pride left together babe this is a little big on

me have you gained some weight no but i'm about to lose 110 meaningless pounds

of twin sorry now go break up with sean but be sweet because you're representing

me remember yeah yeah yeah

Hey, Tia, I was looking all over for you.

Well, here I am, me.

Hey,

you took your brain off pause.

Huh? I guess not.

Sean, there's something I have to tell you. There's something I have to tell

you, too, Tia. Well, this could hurt, so you better put on your helmet.

You are the prettiest girl in school.

Really? Yeah. So what did you want to tell me?

Uh, nothing.

Go on with your thoughts.

Check out who I'm dancing with.

You mean who you were dancing with?

Hey, Rhonda, I'm over here.

I was checking out some other guys. Do you mind?

Get me a soda.

Hey.

She's cranky about me.

I can.

Where are we, the wood?

All right.

Got class soon.

You know, Tia, when we... When we first got here, you seemed, uh, different.

But, uh, now we're getting along great.

Yeah, um, I'm hypoglycemic and sometimes make me goofy.

But now that I have some punch, I'm feeling très bien.

Um, do you want to go out again?

Yes, I would love to go out with you again.

Oh, excuse me. I'll be right back.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Look, Tamir, I really like Bobby and I want to make sure everything went

smoothly with Sean.

It went great.

Terrific. You guys are going steady.

Pretty amazing, huh?

See, I brought you my letter, Jack.

Hey, where'd you get these?

Look, there's some other guys trying to hit on you.

I'm going to hunt him down like a dog, and he's going to wish that he was never

born.

Um, these are for my mom.

Oh, well, she's okay then.

Thank you for working my car today. You are a real, true, special friend.

Don't mention that.

You are sweet and generous and kind and wonderful.

Okay, Lisa.

I'm so touched. I'm so overwhelmed.

So heavily medicated.

Yeah.

Well, I'll see you later.

Look,

don't worry about a thing. I've got everything under control. You are

What floor is that card on again?

I think.

Hey, Ma, can I get you anything?

Oh, no, honey, I'm fine.

But how about you? You never told me how your date went.

Don't ask.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. But don't worry. You'll find another boyfriend.

Mom, I have two boyfriends.

See? What did I just say?

Mom, I don't want two boyfriends.

Just get yourself one of those filofaxes.

Aren't you supposed to tell me to be honest with the boy I don't want and not

lead him on?

Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, that's what I meant to say. Yeah, that's right.

But it's just medication talking, honey, you know. But now that my mind is

clear, I can give you some sage advice.

And that advice is to never, never forget... Thanks,

Mom.

company, raise limos for that?

Not really.

Well, I'm just helping out a friend. She had bunion surgery, and she's home

recuperating. Got a big boot thing on her foot.

Look, all I ask is, does this come inside 16?

I don't know.

Well, Ray, Ray, Ray Campbell, it's James, James Jackson. We went to high

together, remember?

Well, yeah, the tool model in Woodshop. Yeah, and you were class president,

voted most likely to succeed.

Always talked about owning your own business.

And here you are.

Congratulations.

No, no.

I do own my own business. I can see that.

And it's a nice cart.

No, no. I'm just doing this temporarily, helping out a friend.

Oh, I understand.

See, I started at a cart, too, selling cleaning supplies.

Now I own my own janitorial company.

So you hang on in there, Ray.

I tell you what, this stuff, it looks pretty good.

Why don't you let me help you out?

I'll buy a hat or something for the wife.

No, no, you don't have to do that. No, I really want to do that. I'll take this

hat here and, uh, this scarf.

Yeah. No, no, no, I can't let you do that. No, Ray, I want to do that for

No, I can't let you do that. Excuse me. Ray. Miss Lewis.

Uh, how are you?

Mr. Campbell, I haven't seen you since you provided all those limos for my

company picnic.

So, uh, are you shopping for someone special?

Me? No, I'm just browsing here.

Well, I guess I've seen everything here to see.

Excuse me, Ray. Can you do alterations?

You're working here?

No, I'm just helping out a friend. She had bunion surgery.

Oh, I see.

Play along.

He needs the business.

You know, my sister's birthday is coming up. Maybe I'll take a couple of dresses

and throw in five or six purses. Look, I've been trying to... Did you say five

or six purses?

That's right, and maybe some of those scarves, too.

Let me show you a few of these necklaces here. Maybe you'll want some of these.

Well...

Look at that.

You know, if I had more customers like you, I guess my limo business wouldn't

have gone belly up.

Did I tell you that my kids need braces?

It's got teeth like a picket fence.

Hi, Rhonda.

I wanted to talk to you about the party.

The party's over, Roger.

I'm being kicked through the curb?

You're off the curb, into the street.

Oh, I tried to crawl and almost hit you!

Hey, wait a minute, Rhonda.

Something really stinks and I think it's you.

Excuse me?

Why'd you go out with me in the first place?

Hello, I needed a date for the party.

But you used me.

And your point is?

It's just not right. You can't just mess with a guy's emotions like that. Do you

think you could play me like some cheap video game?

I do it all the time.

And most guys like it.

Well, not me. There's only two women who can treat me like that, and that's Tia

and Tamara.

Well, my mother's two, so that's three.

And my grandmother, and my aunt Inez.

Okay, five women, but that's it.

Well, I said what I had to say. Now you can get to stepping.

Wow. No one's ever talked to me like that before.

I don't know why I do this to guys.

Maybe we can start over and go out next week.

Oh, yeah, maybe I'll become the lead singer in a rock group.

Ernie, did you see that?

I just cut loose the prettiest girl in Roosevelt High.

Yeah, it was the bomb.

What do you mean?

I just cut loose the prettiest girl in Roosevelt High.

Yeah, but at least you got your self -esteem.

Self -esteem doesn't have great legs.

Rhonda, come back.

I forgive you.

Look, Tamira, this has gone far enough with Sean. I have to break up with him.

Okay, but do it mean and cruel because I want him on the rebound.

I don't think you're going out with Kevin. Well, I was thinking about that,

you see, Sean's on the football team and they have these really cool letterman

jackets. And Kevin, well, he's on the golf team and they have those sweaters

that wouldn't work with anything in my closet.

Well, at least you have a good reason.

Um, look, Sean, can I talk with you for a minute?

Yeah, what's up?

Um, Sean, it's about me being your woman.

That's pretty amazing, huh?

No, it's not. Look, first of all, I'm not your woman.

Well, sure you are. You got my ring, got my jacket, got all my stuff.

That kind of makes you my woman.

Look, Sean, I have to tell you the truth.

You weren't with me at the party.

Tamir was pretending to be me because I don't want to hurt your feelings and

break up with you.

I was with Tamara?

That's right.

Look, I'm really sorry, and I know it was a lousy thing to do, and I really

terrible.

I hope you can forgive me.

Maybe I'll give Tamara a call.

So, how'd he take it? Great. He's shallow.

Bobby and everything worked out fine.

Hey!

Tia. Huh?

I don't think we should see each other anymore.

What?

Why?

I know about you and Sean dating.

How did you find out?

I felt that you were keeping something from me.

That we had grown apart.

And you called me Sean 12 times on the phone last night.

Okay, but why else?

I just don't think this is going to work out.

But it's all over now, Sean.

Bobby?

Au revoir.

Mom, you were right.

Having two boyfriends was just asking for trouble.

Did I say that?

Well, you started to, but then you fell asleep.

with Sean, but then Bobby broke up with me because of Sean.

I guess it was my fault for not being honest in the first place.

Well, honey, I'm so glad you did so well on your test.

Hey, Tia, great news. I have a date with Sean tonight. Pretty amazing, huh?

Oh, Tamara, uh, Kevin called.

Who? Kevin. He said he's glad you're over your Ebola virus.

He also said he's on his way over to pick you up for your date tonight.

says some folks are just natural -born salespeople.

I'll get it.

Oh, Roger, what can I do for you?

When my mom was at the mall, she heard your limo business went under and wanted

to help, so here's some clothes and food.

Thanks, Roger. Goodbye.

Natural -born salesperson, huh?

Can you work the rest of the week?