Original subtitles

Today's the kind of day that every student dreams about. Yeah, no classes.

And we're not talking about a quick fix like a fire drill or an assembly. Or

somebody bars and they throw that sawdust over it.

We're talking about an all -day field trip. But, of course, we're taking it

seriously. Oh, yeah.

We're looking at it as an educational experience.

educational experience.

They're not moving until I find out who threw that.

That's it. You're all expelled.

Okay, let's quiet down, please.

Did somebody lose 20 bucks?

I thought that would get your attention.

And it's so cool. It's like he's not even a teacher. Yeah, I love that he

us call him by his first name.

Ed.

Hi.

Can I sit here and respect your beauty?

No, thanks. I'm eating.

Hey, she blew me off on an egg salad sound.

All right, we're on to the museum. Now, Tia, Tamara, how about if you make sure

everybody's here?

Sure.

You girls should go into teaching.

Thanks, Ed.

Can we go home now? I hate shopping.

Oh, come on, Terrence. Today we're doing what I want, and tonight we'll do what

you want.

What time is sunset?

Oh, come on, honey. Sit right down here now.

Make yourself comfortable.

Save up your strength. Okay, baby. And hold my purse. Oh, no, no, not the

This is not mine.

This is not mine. It's not mine.

Hi, can I ask you something?

This is not mine.

No, I was going to ask you what your signature scent is.

Gee, I don't know.

Beer and potato chips?

You're so funny.

Well, I work out. I mean, I work at it.

Mmm, the smell is you.

Oh, that's exactly who I want to smell like.

Look who's shopping.

Lisa, honey.

You were pretty quick.

Yeah, so were you.

Hi, I'm Latina. Oh, nice meeting you, Latrina.

Well, you'll let me know if you're interested.

Oh, I don't think I am.

Oh, I'm definitely not.

Lisa, honey, your purse.

Thank you.

famous artist who went insane from eating his own pain.

Does anybody know his nickname?

Stupid?

I think it was El Greco, but that was a good guess.

I love to be educated.

And next, we have Amgrisa La Grande Odalesque.

How come she's naked?

I don't know, but I'm thinking about going to art school.

eating or drinking in here. Pick that up and get moving.

Peek -a -boo, I see you.

Peek -a -boo, I see you. What am I, three?

Honey, I swear I wasn't staring at her.

Terrence, you were drooling so much we could have water -skied home.

to sell me some new cologne.

Hey, was this that sales girl down at Crystal, the one with the great... Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Ooh, mama.

Ray, you're not helping me here.

Come on, Lisa. It was totally innocent.

Don't insult me, Terrence. I'd have more respect for you if you'd just be honest

and admit it.

Don't do it. Make a sharp left. That bridge is out.

Okay, okay. Maybe I was looking at her. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

Man overboard.

Okay, I... She... Okay, what happened was, she was flirting with me, and I was

just being polite, so I was flirting back. So technically, I was just, uh,

flirting.

I gotta write that one down.

Come on, Lisa.

I swear, there was no human emotion there. I was looking at her the same way

would look at a painting, or a sunset, or a... Was she wearing that cute little

black skirt?

Yeah. Oh, hurt me.

Ray, you're killing me here.

Terrence, you like sunsets, huh?

Yeah. Well, you can just feast your eyes on this moon going over the mountain.

Lisa.

Oh, man.

I'm in trouble.

Oh, hey, man. It's not your fault.

Women don't understand how a man functions.

You know, you're right, Ray.

What? What don't they understand?

It's in our DNA.

We're programmed to seek out attractive, young, leggy females.

It's our biological need to procreate so that the species will survive.

Oh, that was good, Ray. That was good.

All you did was look, right? Yeah.

Well, then you should get a medal for your restraint.

You got it, buddy.

To look is just a man's basic instinct.

Oh, basic instinct. I love that movie.

The interrogation scene? I got it on tape.

But we digress. Yes.

The point is, Lisa doesn't know how good she's got it.

You know, Ray, you are absolutely right. I'm going to go in there right now and

tell her.

Lisa! Woman!

What? Nothing, honey.

In fact, she can't hold anything.

Man, it took me an hour to think of that line.

I need help.

A clear goddess of desire?

According to ancient Egyptian superstition, whoever possesses this

possesses the power of love?

Whoa!

Okay, it's time to go. Line up, single file, and quiet.

Now, Roger, let's go.

Come on, Roger, let's go.

Come on, let's go.

Let's go. Miss Little, I could use some help over here.

Wish I had a little gin in this.

Hey, Tia, I found a soda machine.

Great, I'm dying of thirst. Come on, let's stay together.

Hey, Ed, how about I take along some soup for the bus?

Oh, don't touch that!

Oh, my gosh!

What have you done, you stupid clowns? We're sorry.

We'll clean it up. No, no, no, no, no.

Both getting detention. I told you, no food in here. Now get on the bus.

What? Get on the bus now.

I can't believe that.

Come on, Tamir.

We've got to keep it together and we can't cry.

Make a funny face. See, I'm about to...

Might as well drown my thousand apple juice.

Clear.

Miss Little, Miss Little, I've got... Were you saving this seat?

No, my seats are always open.

You know, I'm kind of tired. Do you mind if I rest my head on your shoulder?

Me? Have you lost your context?

Do you mind?

My shoulder is your pillow.

Roger.

What did you want to tell me?

Absolutely nothing.

Did somebody die?

No, Terrence and I reached an agreement.

Oh, yeah, I groveled and she agreed.

Tell them what you said, Terrence.

I don't remember everything.

I do, I do.

Terrence said, there is no excuse for a man to go chasing after everything in a

skirt. It's not like it's in your DNA or anything.

That's interesting.

Isn't he cute, Ray?

Yeah, he's adorable.

I just love him so much, I could just eat his face.

The whole world's your smorgasbord, isn't it?

Oh, Terrence, I couldn't possibly accept another bouquet of flowers.

A car would be nice, though.

Hi, good afternoon.

Oh, well, hello.

Mrs. Henderson?

Henderson? Oh, no, no, no. They're two doors down.

I'm sure she's home by now because it's cocktail hour.

Well, I'm sorry to bother you. Oh, no, it's no bother at all.

strange guy's butt.

Besides, his little pumpkin butt can't compare to yours, baby.

Pumpkin? So you were staring at his butt.

Oh, so you can slobber over some heffa, but I can't glance at some pants.

All right.

Well, glance at these pants because they're out of here.

Well,

I see you two lovebirds are picking each other's eyes out again.

Ray, life is cruel.

Mm -hmm.

Ooh.

Life is good.

And I want each of you to know that y 'all are very special to me.

Uh, number three, which place was number five?

Yeah.

How did we end up in detention?

Last week honor roll, this week death row.

Uh, DA, your future husband wants a word with you.

Hey, after school, you want to go for a ride? I can steal a car.

No, it's okay.

We've got to rob a bank.

There's Mr. Berry. Don't look at him.

Don't look at him either.

Can we talk for a minute?

Um, we're kind of busy.

Look, I really feel bad about what happened at the museum.

I thought we were friends.

The last thing you need is a 30 -year -old buddy.

You're 30? Good hairpiece.

Sit down.

The thing you have to understand is I'm your teacher.

Forget it. It's no big deal.

I shouldn't have yelled.

It was a crazy day.

This may sound kind of stupid, but...

you were different.

Yeah, you were the first teacher we ever really liked.

Get in there, you little maggot.

Of course, she was a close second.

I'm sorry I blew up.

I guess I'm human.

I'm sorry we messed up at the museum.

I guess we weren't thinking.

The thing is, I'm really glad you girls are in my class.

So are we, Ed.

You changed my life, Ed.

Hi,

Lisa. How's it going?

Lousy, miserable, rotten.

You seen a TV guy?

I'm having a rough time. Thank you for your support.

All right, all right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Why don't I go make a couple sandwiches and we can sit and talk about how all

men are scum?

It's like you're the big sis I never had.

Ooh, I hope this is Terrence coming to make up with me.

With me lovebirds again.

What you want?

I'm sorry I got so upset.

I brought you a little gift.

Oh, Terrence, you should have.

I just want you to know that I trust you, and I don't mind looking.

Oh, June is busting out oil.

Maybe I should have hold on to this.

Oh, Terrence, honey, what are we going to do now? Both of us like to window

shop. I don't know, baby.

Maybe we just need to lay down some ground rules, you know? Yeah.

Okay, okay, how about this?

You can look.

But when you look, you got to look at me first so that you know and I know that

the look is an authorized look and won't cause you any physical harm.

Because when you're looking at her, you're really thinking of me.

How about I take you out to dinner and only look at you?

Oh, and I only look at you.

But I might sneak a peek at that dessert cart.

Lisa, here's your sandwich.

You finished your homework?

Yeah, we did it in detention.

Detend? In the ten minutes it takes to get to school.

Our top story tonight.

Officials at the City Art Museum are investigating the theft of a priceless

artifact. A Clea, the goddess of desire.

We believe this to be the work of an international terrorist group.

The act of leaving a beverage behind is an obvious political statement.

Another exclusive.

This theft...

of a criminal mastermind.

You're like me. I'm on the lam.

Roger, what's going on?

Wait a minute. You stole the statue?

You're a mastermind?

Surprise me, too.

How could you do such a stupid thing?

It was an accident, and I was going to give it back, but I've been too busy

fighting off packs of women because of this dang statue.

Oh, come on, Roger. That's a myth.

Roger is so cute.

can't go to jail. I can't even stay in the shower in gym class.

Well, why'd you come to me?

Because you're my best friend.

I am?

It's rough out there, Mr. Campbell.

Come on, Ray. We have to help him. Yeah, because if we don't, he'll be hiding

out here all the time.

Ah, come on. Let's get to the car.

I'm kind of glad to get rid of this.

I've tampered with ancient O 'Reilly forces, and I'm afraid.

Not to mention exhausted.

I gotta make one quick stop.

Where are the police?

Hello?

Hello?

Ray, I'm new at this crime business, but I think the cops are supposed to find

you.

Find somebody in charge.

Dad, can't we just sneak the statue back?

Yeah, I do love a good caper.

Come on, there's no one here.

Okay.

Roger, have you learned your lesson? Yes, I have, Mr. Campbell, sir.

Well, the important thing here... Can we save the lecture for the getaway?

I'll get ready to call it clear.

what was going on?

Well, one girl happened to like you and that made other girls like you.

Hey, women are shallow.

And because you were confident, you didn't have to try so hard with those

pickup lines.

Stupid? I thought take off your blouse and maybe flammable was a timeless

classic.

Just be yourself. I mean, you're smart, you're cool, you're handsome.

I'm lying?

Come on, Roger, just try it.

Okay, no pickup lines.

Gonna be the best me that I can be.

Tyra, listen, I like you, and I was wondering if you would go out with me.

That's very sweet, Roger, but I have a new boyfriend.

Did I mention that I'm a multimillionaire and I just got my

Sorry, Roger.

My heart is so broken that my braids hurt.

Come on, Roger, I mean, don't give up. There are plenty of girls who'd want to

go out with you. How about you? Maybe you should give up.

Thanks. Come on, Roger, we're just kidding.

Then you will go out with me?

Okay. You girls are doing this out of pity, aren't you?

Yeah. Then I should have thought of this years ago.

Girls?

I can't believe all the fuss over this stupid little

statue. Yeah, I guess we all got kind of crazy.

I mean, how could this little thing have magical powers?

That's ridiculous.

Like that old piece of stone could make anybody fall in love.

People are so gullible. They'll believe anything.

Yeah.