Original subtitles

Well, gee, that's a long book report.

Uh -huh.

Tia loves Michael, Tia loves Michael, Tia loves Michael.

And there's also the sequel.

Michael loves Tia?

You know, sometimes high school can be pretty cool. Yeah, you can be cool by

wearing fresh clothes or hanging out with the right group. Or by having a

boyfriend. Notice how she likes to work that into the conversation.

And the coolest thing in the world is having a boyfriend who goes to a

school. Imported, not domestic.

So when he comes to visit you, everybody can see how totally cool you really

are.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Top that top, girl.

What's up? What are you doing here?

I cut school because I had to see you two.

You cut school just to see me?

Me? Tia Landry? I don't think they heard you in Canada.

I'm so excited about the dance Friday.

Yeah. Hey, Tamera.

Maybe you'd like to go with my homie Darnell. He's just outside parking the

Thank you, but I think I'm perfectly capable of finding my own homies.

Hey, everybody, what's up?

Hello, homie.

Hey, everyone, this is Tamara.

Hi. Hi.

Talk that talk, girl.

Well, I guess we better get back to class.

Want to ditch and come with us?

Well, we'd like to, but we just ditched yesterday.

On Sunday?

Oh, yeah, we never go.

So, Tamara, are we happening Friday night?

I'd be happy to happen.

They're all that. They're beyond that. Hi, girls.

Listen, here, Tamara.

I was wondering if... Sorry, Roger. We already got dates.

Why does everybody automatically assume I want on a date?

Okay, so what do you want?

A date. I just didn't want you to assume it.

Sorry. You don't have to worry about me. I'm very optimistic.

I got an apple.

Mrs. Tankersley. Sorry to hear about your recent divorce. I was wondering if

I... Roger, don't be ridiculous.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, girl. How was shopping?

Exhausting. Been at the mall for eight and a half hours.

Yeah? Well, so what'd you buy?

Earring.

special. One of your limos.

That is a good idea.

Way to go, Tamira.

I'll be honored to drive you. Way to go, Tamira.

Dad. Well, I certainly wouldn't trust one of my drivers with such precious

cargo.

You're riding in the trunk.

Are there any letters after C?

Still no date, huh?

73 are washing their hair, 87's grandmothers die, and the rest just

stop laughing.

Okay, so you're in a slump. Come on, T, let's go try and address it.

Do you need help with a strapper zipper?

Just trying to break out of my depression.

Don't worry, Betty, I can have all those alterations done by next week.

Roger, what are you doing here?

I can't be alone, and yet I have no choice.

Is this a cry for help?

Yes, it is.

Well, keep it down. I'm working over here.

Oh.

Could you make the color of my green dress look like this?

Oh, no problem.

Now, who is this beauty?

That's my daughter, Kelly.

Oh, she must be fighting the boys off with a brick. Oh, since we just moved

here, she's having a hard time meeting people.

Yeah, it's tough out there. Oh, I'm so glad I met Terrence. I can't even stop

talking about him.

I know. Do I get a discount for listening?

No.

I just wish Kelly could meet somebody.

Anybody. Yeah.

Well, Betty, let me show you where the bus stop is. Speaking of bus stops, did

ever tell you about Terrence's dimples?

Yes!

Hello, Kelly?

This is somebody.

Well, you know, I think I'm going to stay home and let one of my drivers take

them. I need to trust the girls more, give them more space.

Ray, space is overrated. Kids need a tight rein. They feel more secure when

know they have boundaries.

What time is Terrence coming over?

Eight -ish.

Oh, Ray, Ray, I need this night, please.

You know, there comes a time in a relationship when a man and a woman...

don't paint that picture for me.

Ray, I'm just looking for a little romance. What do you say?

Okay, okay, I'll take them. Oh, thank you. And when your time comes, I'll

the favor when you bring a lady over.

Thank you, Lisa.

Like that's no happening.

D .P., do you think my dress is too short?

Well, you know that bra looks so fake.

Did you buy one for me?

No, I'm sorry.

Nobody's gonna notice me.

Come on, Tia.

I see the way Michael looks at you. He's crazy about you.

Have I told you it's our 42nd day anniversary?

He told me 42 times.

Hey, wouldn't it be great if you and Janelle started going together?

Yeah, we went together for a long time and then we got engaged.

And then we both got married to Michael and Janelle in a double wedding. Yeah.

We move into a duplex. And we both had twins.

It's going to be so romantic.

Hokey, but romantic.

Good evening, Mr. Campbell. Hope I'm not late.

Roger, you're looking very dapper.

Why, thank you, sir. I think the outfit says, I'm formal, but fun.

I didn't know you were going with us.

Well, I want... to make a good impression on kelly arriving by limo

these darn tails keep getting stuck in my bicycle folks come on girls let's get

going uh mr campbell i was wondering if i could talk to you about something yes

well on the phone i might have told kelly a few things about me that weren't

true like what well i sort of told her i was the most popular kid in school i

was president of my class and i was drafted by the detroit lions

Roger, you don't have to make up lies to impress a girl. I knew you were going

to say something like that.

Well, you just be yourself. Let her get to know the real you.

I'm dead meat on a stick.

Roger, what are you doing here?

You invited me.

We said we were going to tie you to the roof rack.

That's not an invitation.

Dang, girl, you've been taking your vitamins.

Oh, Tia, you are lovely.

And Tamara.

Oh, you doubly lovely.

Tamara? Just be happy for me, Dad.

Well, yeah, it's just... Well, you know, sweetheart, you look beautiful.

Yes.

You're becoming such a young woman.

Thanks, Dad.

Come on, you guys, let's go.

That's a padded bra, right?

Well, just be happy for her, right?

Ooh, very happy.

I'll see you later, Liz.

Yeah, now, Ray, I don't want you rushing back in. Now, if the houses are

grooving, you keep them moving.

Oh, I'm so excited.

Oh, I just can't hide it.

Hey, I'm about to lose control and I forgot.

Okay,

Roger, here's Kelly's house.

Great. Roger, wait till we stop the car.

Be myself.

Be myself.

Who am I?

Kelly?

Hi. Hi.

Way hi.

Well, we were off on our big night.

And we both look great. You look great, but I just thought I looked a little bit

better. Bigger is not always better.

For whatever reason, it wasn't quite the romantic, sophisticated evening we had

in mind.

Thank you. We never heard anyone burp our names

before.

You sure you're comfortable?

Oh, yeah. I've got tons of room over here.

You know, I really like being in a limo, Darnell. How about you? Oh, yeah. The

best part is you can make faces at people and they can't see you.

Lisa. Oh, me and my stupid, stupid back.

I feel like I ruined the evening. Oh, come on, baby. We can still have fun.

Hey, hey, hey.

Let me get that.

Oh,

that feels good.

Have you done this before?

Not with anyone as pretty as you.

Oh, you have done this before.

Yeah.

Try some of this melon.

It came in the store today.

That's delicious.

Well, you know, choosing the right melon is an art.

Yeah, I never knew how to do that. What's the secret?

Well, you got to get real close and feel it.

Oh, yeah, I feel it.

Then you got to smell it.

It smells good.

And, of course, the skin should be firm but supple.

Just the way I like it.

And yet it's got to give.

Oh, it wants to give.

I don't really know what I want to do with my life.

But I'd like to do something to improve the environment, end world hunger, and

make a lot of money.

A girl as fine as you should be a model.

Hey, Roger, you run out of hen shoulders?

Huh?

I, uh, kind of dropped some crumbs on your head.

Guess I'm lucky you weren't needing the sloppy joke.

But they're dancing like he's got an electric wedgie.

This is so embarrassing.

Hey, guys, don't you want to dance like normal people?

Oh, I'm sorry, Tamara.

Do you want to dance?

Yes, I would.

Okay.

You know, what is with him? I mean, he's never acted like this before.

You know what really hurts? What?

Brock killing you.

Come on, Roger, we're next.

How does my hair look?

Looks fine.

Is it hot in here, or is it just us?

If we were any hotter, we'd set up the smoke alarm.

Come on.

Let's go to your room.

Oh, I'd love to, Terrence, but... You don't think we're ready yet?

I don't think I can get up.

Allow me.

Oh, no, no, Terrence, you gotta be kidding.

Come on. No, no, you're light as a feather.

Second worst night of my life. What was your first?

When I said yes, I'll go to the dance with you.

Don't let those girls back you down. We're having fun, right?

Hey, Darnay, I gotta be honest with you, man.

You're really not that pretty.

Hey, Ross, he needs a high chair.

Okay, we're almost there.

Well, you can put me down now, Terrence. I can make it from here. No, no, no,

no. Don't worry.

I looked around big sacks of potatoes all day today.

My back.

My back.

Home break and step on it.

Roger, what are you doing here?

I had enough. I'm ready to go.

What about Kelly? How's she supposed to get home?

She can take 20 giant steps and she's there.

Well, you just left her?

Don't you understand?

People were... They were laughing at me.

Oh, they weren't laughing at you. They were laughing at the situation.

I am the situation.

True. But before they were laughing at you because you didn't have a situation.

Now you have a situation.

They're still laughing, but you're moving up in the world. When you go back

not having a situation, then they'll be laughing at you.

You're not a people person, are you, Mr. Campbell?

They go to all this trouble to ask us out, get all dressed up, then they run

away from us.

Yeah, what's wrong with them?

Where's Roger anyway?

I guess he's not used to being with a tall girl.

He's not used to being with any girl.

Oh, come on. I mean, it's great that you're tall. Because if you were short

weighed what you weigh, you'd be fat.

That's supposed to make you feel better.

Thanks. I really wish this night were over. Yeah, me too. Me too. Guys are

jerks. Yeah.

Sometimes I wish I was on a planet that was all women.

Me too. No men allowed.

Except for the one we fly in just to kill the spiders.

Think you're the first kid to get laughed at?

Man, when I was in school... I know. Everybody laughed at you all the time.

I was going to say that I laughed at the other kids.

A lot.

I'd hate to see that class picture.

Don't you get it?

Kids are always laughing at other kids in school. That's the way high school

be. Because they're all so insecure.

But it's just for the first time in my life, I felt short.

Well, tall or short, doesn't matter. The important thing is, you like Kelly. I

know you do, because I saw how you were talking to her in the backseat.

You were spying on us?

No, no, no. I was spying on Tia and Tamera, but Kelly kept getting her head

the way.

Tall, isn't she?

Yeah.

But she's also very beautiful.

But even if she wasn't, she doesn't deserve to be walked out on.

No lady does.

I guess you're right.

Well, then get back in there.

And, Roger, you better do the right thing before Kelly finds somebody else.

That can happen. I mean, she can see for miles and miles.

Yo, yo, yo, it's the last dance. So shimmy on up to your loved one for your

chance.

Hi, Sid.

Hi.

Worked with some punch? Why, is there a bug in it?

We were kind of jerks. But we'd like to make it up to you if it isn't too late.

Want to dance?

Well, we're not going to leave Kelly without somebody to dance with.

Okay, want to dance?

I'm kidding.

It's okay. Go ahead. I'm fine.

Tamara?

Okay. What do you say, T?

Okay, fine, let's dance.

Sounds like fun.

Hi.

Oh, you're back.

I'm sorry I was so long.

I was gonna wake up somewhere out of school, but I couldn't think of one.

I know it's because I'm tall.

You are?

And you don't like people laughing at you?

Think I'll be used to it by now.

You know, you're not what I expected either.

Okay, I guess you figured it out. I'm not really trying out for the Detroit

Lions. It's the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

You know, Roger, I don't really care about that kind of stuff.

I guess you're just a bigger person than me.

Actually, I'm a bigger person than most people.

Look, I really want to dance with you, and I hope you really want to dance with

me. Okay, let's go.

Surety.

You know, Darnell...

like this, I really like you.

Yeah? Oh, yeah.

Being with a guy who can return everything is a real turn -on.

Yeah? So, why don't we sneak out of here and close you up? Yeah?

Psych!

Look, Tia, I don't know what happened tonight.

I don't know either.

Darnell and I have known each other since we were five years old.

And I guess when we get together... You act like you're five.

I know I messed up.

Well... I just thought tonight was going to be kind of special.

I just wish we could start this night all over again.

Really? Well, what would you do different?

Well, first of all, I'd dump Darnell.

He didn't dance with you a lot.

Go on.

Tell you how pretty you are.

Go on.

And I'd never let you out of my sight.

Go on.

Hey, Kelly. Yeah?

How about after this we go get some pizza?

Oh, I'm starving. You must have read my mind. No, I heard your stomach growl.

So when I got to eighth grade, I switched from collecting stamps to

coins.

And then I...