Original subtitles

I just love weddings.

Danielle, Danielle, quit fidgeting. Aren't we finished yet?

That's what I said on my wedding night.

Well, I bet you two have broken some hearts.

Yeah. Do you have a lot of boyfriends?

No.

They have plenty of time.

That's what I used to think, but I tell you, it's been pretty dry out there. Mm

-hmm. You're lucky you found my son Winston in a world of hamburgers. He's

sirloin.

Hey, and I've been looking, and the best thing I could find was a rump roast.

Hello. Hi.

Somebody pass me the A1 sauce.

Everybody, this is Ray Campbell.

His house.

Hi. Hi, I'm Charlotte.

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Yet.

Hang in there.

My, Ray, this is a lovely home. You must do quite well.

He owns a limo service, and I'll bet he'd be willing to give you a great rate

for the wedding.

Well, our budget's kind of tight.

It's either the limo or buying your accessories, Lisa.

You know, forget that limo. What you need is a bustier and a bus pass.

Uh,

ma 'am, it's ten items or less.

Well, I only have ten. Ten fabulous gourmet items.

All the dairy products is one.

Food Boy, that's 13.

Well, these are hers.

So is this your first time at Food Boy?

Yeah, we got banned from Piggly Wiggly.

So, paper or plastic?

Plastic, I guess.

Well, since you're so cute, how about I give you both?

What's your name, anyway?

Tia. Tia Landry.

So maybe I can call you sometime?

Maybe I'll answer.

Okay, that'll be $36 .02.

Ah! Almost forgot my coupons!

Coupons! Come on, lady!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, here, Mr. Pizza Man.

30 cents off of some Brillo. Go buff your head.

I am so proud my little girl can still wear white.

Yeah, with a red border.

Why don't you have a little bit more bubbly?

It's Chateau de Food Boy.

Hello. Hi.

Oh, well, I see everyone is still here.

Well, I hope you don't mind, Ray. My workspace got a little cramped.

Oh, that's okay. I'll just hide out in my bedroom.

I wouldn't do that, Ray.

I'm using that as a changing area.

Oh.

I hate you.

Let's get a man's opinion. Ray, what do you think?

I think she's one of the most beautiful brides I've ever seen.

Thank you.

So, how did a handsome man like you manage to stay single?

I think he's holding out for me.

Well, I might just give you a little run for your money.

Race you to the door.

This is so great. A real car date? Yeah, in a real car.

With a 16 -year -old guy?

Excuse me, did I hear the words car and date in the same sentence with 16 -year

-old guy?

Yeah, isn't it great?

Tamara, you're too young to be going out on a car date.

No, Dad, you don't understand.

Look, Ray, you got to learn to trust your kid.

When I was her age, I went out on plenty of car dates.

There's a recommendation.

Now my daughter's definitely not going.

I know, her daughter is.

got today's?

You? Uh -uh, no way, not my baby.

But, Mom. Uh -uh, no way, not my baby. Tell her, Lisa. Lock her up. Lisa,

got to learn to trust your kid.

You are not going.

Mom, that's not fair.

Well, it doesn't have to be fair. I'm your mother.

And Mama's always no bet.

Right, Mama?

The bubbly.

Here comes the check.

Oh.

Just call me Lisa, the money machine.

Oh, hi, honey.

Still mad at me?

Yeah.

Why is it okay for Tamir to go but not me?

Answer me that.

Because I carried you for nine months.

Mom, I'm adopted.

I'm talking about before I could afford that stroller.

Come on, Mom. You think Tamir's more mature than I am.

Look, honey, I love Tamara.

I love her like a daughter, but I don't know.

I guess I'm more careful with you.

Don't you think I can take care of myself?

Honey, I trust you.

It's that boy I don't trust.

I mean, he's 16.

I'm 14.

Those two years are a big difference.

They're like dog years.

I mean, he shaves, he drives.

Probably got a wife and kids someplace.

Tia, I know how much you want this, but I'm just not comfortable with you going

out on a car day.

Okay, fine.

I'll just stay home by myself thinking about how other people are having a

Hey, I'm the mom here. Guilt trips are my department.

I'm sorry, Tia. You're not going.

Tia, you...

Okay. Yeah, you can go. You can go on your car date. I can't? Yeah, yeah.

On one condition.

It's got to be a double date. With you?

No way.

I'm flattered, but I wasn't talking about me. I'm talking about Tamera.

Oh, Tamera.

Great.

I think Russell has an older brother who just got out of the Marines.

Tia!

Just kidding, Mom.

Ha, ha.

I just read you need a date for this weekend.

No, I don't, Roger.

Come on, word has it you're desperate.

I'm great for desperate women.

Yes, you go out with him.

I got a date with Tamara. I got a... I like going out with him. Would I do it

for you?

Ugh.

Makes my flesh crawl.

No offense.

None taken.

I like a dominating woman.

Please, just go out with him. For me.

All right.

I'll go out with you on Saturday.

But it's not a date.

It's a non -date.

An un -date. And no way is this a date.

I got a date with some... Trust me, Roger.

Nothing's gonna happen.

You'll have your version, and I'll have mine.

This belong to someone?

I knew I was feeling kind of jiggly.

Oh, you look very, um, uh, uh, green.

Maybe I'll get some coffee.

Need some help?

If I run into any trouble, I'll call.

Excuse me.

I think he likes you.

Hi.

I'm just taking some aspirin.

Headache, huh? Yeah, and a good case of nerves.

Pre -wedding jitters. I think that's normal.

I guess so.

I know Winston's a great guy, but I worry I'm making a mistake sometimes.

Really? I mean, he smells his socks every morning before he puts them on.

His teeth click when he eats fruit, and I don't know. Can I live with that for

the rest of my life?

Look, everybody goes through that, but marriage is... He smells his socks.

Oh, that's so scary.

What was your wedding day like? Oh, I had a big wedding. Everybody I knew in

world was there.

I was so nervous, my knees were shaking as I stood at the altar.

Oh, that's so cute.

I didn't feel cute.

Oh, I was scared.

You know, thinking about the future, wondering if I was doing the right

But when I lifted that veil, I knew everything was going to be all right.

All my fears went away with that first kiss.

Thanks, Ray.

You know, I think he is a very lucky man.

Oh,

my

love.

That's not Winston.

Daniel, are you crazy?

Where are you getting off her?

We stuck a pin right here. I'm calling my son.

Cancel the wedding dresses. The wedding is off.

Oh, no, no, no. Look. Look, I'll give you 10 % off.

20%. I'll marry Winston.

Daniel, come on. We're going home.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

You're just a big...

bad time to ask you to sew this i

didn't kiss that girl she kissed me you expect me to believe that a pretty young

thing like that threw herself at an old pervert like you well it's true and

don't call me old

in your head like a shark getting all hot and bothered. I wasn't getting

It was kind of hot, though, wasn't it?

I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

You liked it. I tried to stop her.

Yeah, right.

Got me a little success.

A little baby corn, a little stinky cheese, and you got to run it with your

crusty old lips.

Well, I didn't do it on purpose. I guess you just found me irresistible.

I'll just call her and... Oh, no, no, no. You've done quite enough.

Now, I'll get on the phone and play Cupid and fix this whole thing up.

You big butterfooker.

Believe me, I really feel bad about all this.

Oh.

I was doing nothing. Nothing. Just nothing.

Oh, don't worry. I'll just leave you two alone.

Isn't that great?

Yeah, great.

Especially after those chili fries.

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess you're feeling a little sick.

Well, if you're gonna hurl, paper or plastic.

Look at all those stars.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

Yeah.

Isn't it amazing?

Out of all those millions and billions of stars, we're here contemplating our

insignificant place in this vast universe.

Really makes you want to get busy, doesn't it?

I'll take the plastic.

Go ahead. Ask me anything.

Pretzels. Aisle six, next to the toilet paper.

Go on. Challenge me. Challenge me.

I don't think I want to play this anymore, Russell.

Yeah, you're right. I don't either. It's stupid.

Hey, guess what?

What? Chicken butt.

on chicken butts.

Chicken butts?

Is he serious?

I haven't heard that since I was a little kid.

Roger, it's not nice to eavesdrop.

Hey, I didn't eavesdrop at the smartphone. Is that your hand on my

Bad hand. Now, how did you get there?

Roger, let me give you a little tip.

Girls like guys

respect, and maturity.

Chicken butt!

Russell, look, it's getting kind of late and I'd really like to head home.

But we barely had time to talk.

I mean, I'd really like to get to know you better.

That's sweet, Russ.

Okay, well, I moved here from across town when I met Samira.

I didn't even know I had a twin sister. Isn't that amazing?

I promised my mom I'd be home by 11.

Well, look, it's cool.

We still have 45 minutes, okay? Let's please.

Come on, it's a date. We're here to have fun. Russell, I want to go home.

Listen up, Tia. I believe the lady said no.

Are you messing with my action?

Back off, food boy. Don't make me get physical.

You really think I'm scared of you?

If you want to tempt fate with a crazy man, then come on, chicken butt.

Danielle, what are you doing? I had to see you, Ray.

Look, I am glad you stopped by. I really feel I owe you an apology. Oh, not at

all. Kissing you was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I mean

that. Look, Danielle.

Ray, it's all right. I don't think you realize the impact your kiss had on me.

Well, I have been told I have gifted lips.

They definitely had an effect on me.

Well, it happens.

Yeah. That impulsive, meaningless little kiss saved my marriage. Yes. Look,

Danielle, we can't... What?

It helped me realize how in love I am with Winston.

Your kiss meant nothing.

You mean like nothing?

Yeah, kind of like kissing my grandma.

You mean that real old lady who called me a pile of beans? Yeah.

Isn't it great? Yeah, it's real great.

Well, tell Lisa I'll call her tomorrow to finish the fitting.

I can't thank you enough.

Yeah, well, I'm really glad I could help out.

Ah, Lisa, great news. I just broke up with Danielle and saved the wedding.

Oh, good going, Grandma.

You heard, huh?

Uh -huh.

Yeah, I must have been a real jerk.

Ray, you didn't believe that, did you?

What do you mean?

Couldn't you see through that? She was covering. She knew she couldn't have

Yeah, she could.

She knew you weren't ready for a relationship, so she had to come up with

excuse to protect her feelings.

Yeah, right.

Oh, her marrying the other guy is a way of saving face.

I bet on the wedding night she'll flip and cry out, Ray, Ray.

Lisa, I know what you're doing. You're just trying to make me feel better.

But there is a lot of truth in what you just said.

Men.

Boys. Yeah.

You should have known when you started with that chicken butt stuff.

Why are all the Cubans such jerks?

Not all of us.

Thanks for everything, Roger.

You really came through.

Yeah. You're okay, Roger.

Is that your subtle way of saying you're hopelessly in love with me?

Don't push your luck.

This is the best night of my life.

We ain't kissing?

I may never watch these chicks again.

Go home, Roger.

Okay. Nothing's gonna bring me down tonight.

Ow!

I'm still happy.

Hi, honey. How you doing?

Oh, fine.

You're back.

From your date.

Yeah.

Your date's over.

Yep. So, no more date?

Yep. Don't make me beg.

Mom, I really don't feel like talking about this.

Just because we're mother and daughter doesn't mean we can't be girlfriends.

I mean, people can mistake us for sisters.

From a distance.

If they had cataracts.

Whatever you say, Mom.

Come on, let's dish.

Okay. Well, when I first...

so I thought I really liked him. Mm -hmm. First impressions always play with

head, too. Right. I mean, you're checking out the car and the haircut.

Mm -hmm. Too much juice in the Jerry Curly. Out the door.

He looked good.

But once he started talking, I just realized it was nothing but a physical

attraction.

Physical attraction?

Yeah. He had it going on.

You know what I mean?

Did that boy make a move on you?

You really want to know?

Of course I don't.

Tell me.

Mom, he was a boring creep, nothing happened, and it was the worst night of

life.

Oh, baby.

Chicken butt.

What was that?

You don't want to know.

I've been meaning to ask you, how was that double date?

Weird.

Roger came through for us, and the good -looking guy turned out to be a dud.

I guess that means that looks aren't everything. For instance... Dad, come

No, I'm serious. There are a lot of great people out there. I don't want you

miss out.

Dad.

Look, I mean, it's personality that counts. Character.

A good sense of humor.

Hi!

Charming. No, it's Charlotte, unless you want to squeeze me.

Where have you been hiding?

Oh, here and there, mostly there.

Oh, Ray, you're so clever.

And you have a great personality, Charlotte, and a terrific sense of

Thanks, sweetie.

Well, um, Charlotte, uh, I was thinking maybe we could, um, go out Saturday.

I would love to, Ray.

But I just met the man of my dreams.

Oh, darn.

I guess you hesitate.

See ya.

You do anything to keep a point, huh, Dad?

Oh, it's tough being a parent.

Oh, wait.

I just remembered. He's gonna be out of town Saturday night.