Original subtitles

great dream. Oh, come on. Take a pillow.

What'd you do that for? You're stalling.

I'm not stalling.

I'm not going.

Oh, again?

Honey, just be happy that you have been assigned anywhere.

A lot of new teachers can't find jobs at all.

Julie, James Buchanan is not anywhere.

It's in Bensonhurst, which is in Brooklyn.

which is where I spent four degenerate years as a student.

You know how rough that is? The gangs, they don't use guns.

They insert the bullets manually.

Welcome back, Dodgers. We recorded live on tape before studio order.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back here

where we need ya. Back here where we need ya. Yeah, we tease him a lot.

Because we got him on the spot.

Welcome back.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

I'll never forget that first day back at Buchanan as a teacher.

That's me, the cute one on the left.

That's Vice Principal Woodman. He's the kind of guy who drinks prune juice

because he likes the taste.

When I was a student, he always blamed me for the cafeteria riot.

Well, that was ten years ago.

I'm sure the man has forgotten all about it by now.

What about the cafeteria riot?

He hasn't forgotten.

The cafeteria riot? I was there, okay? I was an innocent bystander.

Were it not for my faulty memory, I would seem to remember you bystanding on

of a table shouting charge.

That wasn't me, Mr. Woodman. That was Crazy Delaney. No, no, Carter, no, no.

No, Delaney was the maniac who dropped two teachers of different weights from

the gymnasium window to see if they hit the ground at the same time.

He said it was a physics experiment.

Look, Mr. Woodface.

These things, they happened a long time ago. I'm a different person, you're a

different person. Things change. No, you're wrong. No, you're wrong. Nothing

changes.

Remember my motto.

Conquer thyself, Carter.

Conquer thyself.

Right here in the hall.

You haven't changed a bit, Carter. You still have straight mouth.

I have a degree in teaching, Mr. Woodman. That's why I'm here.

You want to teach?

All right, teach. I'm giving it back to your own.

The Special Guidance Remedial Academics Group.

You're giving me the sweat hogs?

To you whose class launched that revolting name, they're sweat hogs.

For me, they're remedial, sweat hogs.

Mr. Woodman, do you really think... Mr. Conner, you'll find the first aid is

still in room 118.

Good

morning.

Establishing a relationship.

A rapport between myself and myself.

I'd like to know who you are.

Let us begin over here.

No, no.

We're going to start over here.

Okay, we'll start over here.

Barbarino.

Vinnie Barbarino.

This is my place. And these, these are my people.

The toughest kid in school voted most likely to take a life.

Epstein, huh?

Juan Luis Pedro Filippo de Huevos, Epstein.

From San Juan.

Your mother's Puerto Rican?

No, my father.

My mother's name is Bibberman.

Until the winter of 38, when a boat carrying a shivering Lou Epstein from

to the Bronx stopped in San Juan.

Oy, my grandfather said.

Look at the palm trees.

Feel this heat. Look at this tan.

Hey, who needs Miami?

From that day on, there were Epsteins in San Juan.

favorite subject?

Assault.

Horshack, the last.

Why the last, Horshack? Because after they made me, they broke the mold.

What else can you make him do?

Oh, the hunchback.

Ask me to do the hunchback of Notre Dame.

All right, all right, all right.

Horshack, would you do the hunchback of Notre Dame?

I'd like to sit and sit with anybody you have a relationship with.

Why should we do that, Mr. Cuttle? Why should we move our chairs?

Well,

because this way you'll be more inclined to study. You'll be in study groups.

Want to study American history?

Great. Civics? Far out. Current events?

Fantastic. On the other hand, if you'd like to study how to look innocent in a

lineup, that's great.

If you'd like to study how to speak clearly with a stocking over your head,

terrific.

Whatever grabs you.

The only thing that grabs Horschach is in a brown paper wrapper.

and put her up on the wall so our study group may study her.

The effect on the male teenager.

Yeah, well, Barbarino don't write no reports for no one.

Barbarino don't write no reports? What does Barbarino do besides give orders?

Hey, Vinnie's the ranking champ of Brooklyn. Take a bow, Vinnie!

You mean insulting, chopping, sounding?

The dozens.

The dozens.

Okay, Barbarino.

You're asking for it, Cotter.

You're right. I'm asking for it.

Up your nose with a rubber hose.

Washington, go to the blackboard. Write that down under 1975.

Another one, Barbarino.

I heard you had an idea once, but it died of loneliness.

Come on, Barbarino. Is that the best you can do?

Hey, off my case, toilet face.

1965. Hey, Barbarino, I understand your sister's rotten to the core, but

wonderful to the infantry.

And they tell me your father got a new job last week. He became a skin diver.

It's a curb.

Not my mother.

That woman is completely holy.

Okay. Thank you, Washington.

Now, I think we have some clues here to how our society has changed in the last

ten years. This is very interesting. Notice.

1975. The attack is direct upon me. I am described as a toilet face.

had his way, would be walking around with a rubber hose sticking out of his

nose.

However, in 1965, it's different. The attack is not upon me, but upon my

my sister, who is described as Mr. Woodman.

Connor, what's going on here?

What's happened to this room?

The seats? The blackboard? This...

Trying to teach my class, Mr. Woodman. Pollute, Carter. The word's pollute.

You're a maniac.

You were a maniac remedial academic student. Now you're a maniac remedial

academic teacher. Ten years has changed nothing.

You're a sweat hog now. You're a sweat hog then.

Mr. Woodman, I'm trying to reach these kids.

I'm using whatever works, and I think it's working.

Horschak, tell them why you're sitting over there.

What was that you were saying, Carter?

I will not allow you or anybody else to come in this room and chew me out in

front of my class.

I am a respectable human being. I am a teacher. I am a husband.

I am not a 16 -year -old sweat hog.

Anything else, Carter?

Yes.

Up your nose with a rubber hose.

I tried. I really tried.

It just didn't happen.

Thomas Wolfe was right.

You can't go home again.

Don't worry. Something will come along.

Bills will come along.

And then bill collectors.

Large, needy fellows who feed on other people's furniture and cars.

We don't have a car.

They'll eat our subway.

to do. Tomorrow morning, sew rubber pockets in all my pants, and I'll go to

automat and steal soup.

Julie, I want to be a teacher more than anything in the world, but I want to go

to a place where I can have some effect on my students.

Basically, that's what I want.

I want students, real students, not hitmen and waiting.

Carter, how you doing?

Hey, Mr. Carter, man, you should keep your windows locked.

There's a whole lot of... Get too trashed out and about these days.

All right, look.

Barbarino Washington, you came in through the window. You have no right to

here. You're leaving. Don't ever come back here again. This is my home. You

understand that?

Okay,

all right.

I understand.

I know why you're all here, and I really appreciate it. I think it's a very nice

gesture of you, but... It didn't work out. There's no way I'm going back.

There's just no way I'll go back. No one wants you back, Carter.

Why'd you come here?

Well, we just wanted to see how the founding sweat hog lives.

Hey, look, we can't stay long. We got a cab waiting downstairs.

You took a cab?

We're gonna give it back.

It's Horschak's father's cab.

You can't steal a guy's father's cab. You can't.

Then why'd we tie him up, Vinnie?

Huh? Hey, why'd we tie him up?

Wow.

I bet you get a lot of action around here.

That chick in your study group?

That happens to be my wife, Barbarino.

Hi, everybody.

I'm Julie.

I'm leaving your mother out of it. You leave my wife out of it.

A woman's holy, completely holy.

You know, I think it's just terrific that you guys are married.

Every so often, Vinnie wants to marry me.

Last time, it was behind the billboards on 84th Street.

I bet it looked lovely on your organ decal.

How was my dates?

Well, what's it doing here?

She didn't show up.

Oh, honey.

Hey, yo, Mr. Cotton, you got any pictures in that book of when you didn't

your afro?

Let me see. I think we have a few. That?

That guy's you?

What a schlep.

That's not me.

That's not me. That's my friend.

Morty the Schlep.

Cut it.

Who's the chick?

Her name's Ellen.

You got nothing to worry about with this one, Mrs. Carter. She's a dog.

but we can't. And you know why?

Because Horseshack is burning us all hot dogs at Nathan's. Yeah, we just wanted

to see what happens to a sweat hog who leaves Buchanan without handcuffs on.

Well, what do you think?

It ain't any different, right?

You got one room, you sleep on a sofa, your kitchen's in the middle of the

living room, and you still gotta lock the windows to keep the bums out.

Thanks a lot, Epstein. Yeah.

Mr. Carter.

It was very nice meeting you. It really was.

And I'm sorry about that job, but you know what? You're going to find one

better suited.

And Mrs. Carter, you know, I'm going to come back and I'm going to teach you how

to make lasagna. How do you like that? We'll come back, we'll have a party, and

we'll have a good time.

All right, let's go. Out the door.

Washington, will you go out the door?

Come on, you two.

Get away from that apartment.

It's all cheap stuff over there.

I'll be there.

hard for you to accept that the best part of you grew up in the streets.

Julie, baby, if it wasn't for you... What?

I would have married somebody else.

Oh, no. Please, no.

answered. You quit.

You set up my nose with a rubber hose.

Remove the hose, Mr. Woodman. I'm back.

You want me out, you gotta fire me.

I don't want trouble with the Board of Education. You know how I hate trouble

with the Board of Education.

I guess you're stuck with me then, huh?

I've decided. I want to do a report on male chauvinism.

Yeah? Well, I'm going to do a report on the rip -off women's movement.

Hey, Mr. Carter, I'm going to do a report on the implications of

of Puerto Rican Jews.

You got it, Epstein.

Hey, yo, Mr. Carter.

Dig.

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

I got it, I got it, Washington.

You want to write a report on playing the bass? No, man, I want to pretend to

write a report on playing the bass.

what's going on here, but I will say this. Yes?

I have one hell of a principle.

You. I finally got them motivated.

How about me? Didn't I have anything? You, Carter, you're a perfect example of

what I can do once I put my mind to it. I mean, think about it.

I mean, if not for me, you'd have turned out to be just another hood.

I don't know what to say, Mr. Woodman, except as principles go, you certainly

don't have any.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who would have thought they'd nature?

We tease him a lot because we got him.