Original subtitles

Get him!

Get him!

This doesn't need to be morbid. That way, heirloom. Great sentiment attack.

That's what's about to be praised at 2 -0.

Bad idea. This way.

It went that way.

Excuse me. The Grudge twins really have to use the restroom. We've got to get in

here.

Kiss this, though!

Bonjour. Come esta.

How do you say, passing through?

We're in that room. Oh, no.

Did you guys ever see both Cassie and the Sundance Kid?

Didn't they have water to jump into?

Didn't they die at the end?

They're out of...

Next time I work on commission.

You guys don't understand. I got in a lucky punch. I'm not a bodyguard. But we

are. You have to be a figurehead. A name on the door. You'll probably never even

leave the office.

You help us pull in the rich and famous.

We'll do the rest. We're professionals.

We'll take care of all the tough stuff.

So I'll never be in any danger?

Never. Never?

Never.

Moscow Knights rule!

Hello,

Moscow Knights!

Could we get a shot for your fans in German, eh? Sure.

You take a good picture of his face, because this Ruski's got to be more

than Elvis!

What are you doing?

Yeah, man.

Number one.

Pull!

Pull!

Nice pistol.

Twelve round auto fire.

Medium cobalt laser sight operates at 50 megahertz.

Invisible to the naked eye.

2650.

Nikki, I could pick one up back east for two Gs.

All right, all right, all right.

2 ,000 per, and I throw in the first 60 rounds.

You got yourself a deal?

Hello. Yes, Val, we are on our way.

What are we doing?

Trying on sunglasses.

The gold leaf alone on this invitation could pay off my MasterCard.

Simon and Jessica Worth actually invite Miss Valerie Irons to the charity

event of...

Season to be held in the Japanese gardens on the grounds of Worth and

Consulting, Inc.

Your staff is invited.

Yeah, and Tasha's really happy about that staff line.

Well, I guess she won't be rubbing sequins with the rest of the hot mom.

Actually, she couldn't say no once she found out the Moscow Knights were

playing. I think she knows the lead singer or something.

Oh, the outfit's a brick.

I've got an hour before I have to go anywhere.

They better be on their way or they'll dead me.

Thank you for coming.

Oh, here they are.

Valerie Iron.

It's an absolute delight to meet you. This must be your staff.

Lovely. Come, please. Come this way.

So where'd all the money come from?

The husband.

Simon Wirth practically invented the encryption codes for the U .S. Treasury.

Here we are.

This is a little small. Is anybody going to fit?

Will everybody?

No, no. You see, your staff is going to be on the runway.

Are we flying somewhere?

For the fashion show?

Oh, my gosh. Shouldn't anybody tell you?

It's a tradition. We do it every year. We dress up our staff and parade them up

and down the runway. It's really wonderful. It's for charity.

Whitney, darling, can you show them where to change?

I don't change.

You can learn.

Whitney, lead off.

Have fun?

She's tall, isn't she?

Would you like some champagne?

Please. Will Mr. Worth be joining us?

No, I don't think he'll be here today.

Oh, that's too bad.

Well, he's probably working.

Either that or in the barn with Ginny.

Which is our horse.

Oh. Simon's, actually.

He really loves her. He's built a stable for her right here on the grounds of

the office.

Yeah, every Sunday, just like clockwork, he's with that filly.

Well, I know it's none of my business, but I'm...

I'm a good listener if you want to talk. What's yours, ma 'am?

Cheese puffs. Oh, thank you.

Thanks.

If I wanted to be a model, I wouldn't have practiced killing people with a

hairbrush. What do you

think?

Oh, I look.

Wow.

But, Nick, Beverly Hills Elite didn't come here for a gun show.

Whatever you say preppy man

I'll

put it in the car

Be cool, man. We don't want any trouble here. Now then, will Mr.

No.

I don't think so.

But I know you, Mrs.

Wirth.

Where's your husband, please?

I don't know.

Well, if you kill her, you're not going to find out. Good point.

is Mr.

Worth?

I don't know.

Uh, he may be in his office or perhaps the table. Did you drive here?

Ladies and gentlemen, the next place you go will be to meet your

maker and let you all sit.

Secure this whole area.

Have you ever been to East Germany?

No. I hear it's beautiful.

It's a pathetic welfare client of your bourgeois government.

I bet they didn't put that on the travel brochure.

Communism kept us strong, and you took that away from us.

You were military leaders with respect, and you took that away from us.

What do you want?

To destroy the economy of the United States, just like you destroyed ours.

No one's in the whole building.

This neighbor's either.

Danke.

Last chance, Mrs. Burns.

Where is he?

Believe me, I wish I could tell you.

When he does come home, he smells of liquor and someone else's perfume.

Obviously, some woman knows where he is.

But I assure you, it isn't I.

It's okay.

No, Valerie, it isn't.

Valerie.

Valerie Irons.

Protection.

Tell me.

Where is your army?

My army doesn't usually party hop with me.

I've heard a lot about your skills.

Now I get to see for myself.

So, you're as honest as you are cunning.

No VIPs.

Which means I have Miss Valerie Irons,

the world's greatest bodyguard, all to myself.

Forget about it.

You're not my type.

Oh, but you're my type. You're exactly my type.

With your legendary skills, it should be no problem for you to...

track down Mr.

Worth for me?

Yes. I wouldn't.

I really, really wouldn't.

You do as I say, or every diamond -dripping guest of

this party will die.

One by miserable.

Heiner gave me three hours to bring back Mr. Worth. If I go to the police, it's

going to kill everyone.

What about just a little mention to Detective Grisby?

You need help, Val.

I know.

I need you.

Val.

What are you wearing?

My danger suit.

I don't think you understand.

I get really bad pain condition when I'm nervous. I have an audition on Monday

and I just can't.

Shut up.

I have to go home. I'm sorry. I can't.

I'm borderline agoraphobic as it is. Wake up and smell the lip gloss, honey.

This is not a game.

Don't you dare.

Bullet in your back hurts a lot worse than that. Now shut up and sit down.

You got a problem?

Not anymore.

It's fine.

Da und dort.

Lass keinen rein oder raus. Kapiert?

Ja. Jawohl.

Guns were a good idea.

I guess.

Well, do you know how to use any of them?

That's your job.

You're in charge now.

Okay.

I'm in charge.

Now, use your imagination. What would you do? You're a multimillionaire.

having an affair.

Where do you set up shop?

Me? Yeah.

Hmm.

Probably in some condo on Wilshire.

There's a white rug on the floor.

I keep the room clean, real clean.

I have a fish tank.

And a round bed? No.

Make that oval.

There's a baby grand piano right there in the bedroom. I use it as a sex toy.

We play Chopin.

And he'd take out Chinese food.

Okay. What?

Let's not use our imagination anymore, okay?

Okay.

You know, I bet I could hack into City Hall and see if there's any property

registered to Simon Worth. Good.

already protected. The neighbors have West Tech.

Uh, no, no, no. Mr. Worth, we need to talk. You're in some serious trouble.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Sitting out by the pool enjoying a nice pina colada.

I think you need to get right to the point.

Go away.

Mr. Worth, everybody in your wife's party is going to die right now if you

not come with us.

Good.

Take some pictures. Let me know how it turns out.

I think you're in charge again.

Maybe the hunky pool guy can help with that.

Hey, how's it going?

My, but that's a really big hose you've got there.

I meant the pool hose.

Yeah, right.

This is brand new.

Filtered 37 gallons a minute.

You want to see how it works?

Got your pen.

Do you have a key in the back, eh?

Sure, man. What do you think, I drag this through the living room? Come on,

show you how it works.

Do I look like a pool girl?

Yes. Okay, now what?

Cindy.

Are you sure this looks like a bathing suit?

Sure.

Get it.

Get it.

Wait.

There.

Maybe we should have brought a gun.

Hey, let's just say I'm better at cleaning pools than I am with a gun.

I should talk to him.

Honey, somebody's here.

Excuse me, Mr. Worth.

You are not the pool guys.

You're the crackpots from the front door I just spoke with.

Mr. Worth was serious about what's happening at your house.

Mr. Worth, there are some very dangerous men who are going to start killing

people if you don't come with us now.

And I should help you.

Why? They only want you to give them some secret banking codes.

Probably to sabotage the U .S. government's international transfer of

Oh, I see.

Probably siphon off a billion or two for themselves, no doubt.

Now, this doesn't seem like something I want to get involved in.

Go tear it.

Oh, and they sound good.

I'm terrified already.

Go away.

Look, Mr. Worth, you better come with us or I'm going to use this.

Now, why don't you two run along before I call the police?

Great, my dad's in the car, along with our new high -tech shop.

Hey, guys, keep it down.

The guard is right outside the door.

We need to get back there.

Luckily, we're not totally unarmed.

Nunchucks, what are all the well -dressed bodyguards are wearing this

I guess you're totally accessorized there. You call that accessorizing?

I've got four ounces of gel suntan in here.

Enough to punch through the gate?

Please. You people, what are you... You're going to get us all killed.

wrong with you? Hello?

Help!

You hit me again.

You got a match.

Thank you.

Now all we need is a distraction.

Somebody's talking to me like a drunk.

This guy's freaking out over here.

I've got to get my medication, man.

I've got to.

Oh, Lord.

I'll be home by now.

If I don't get my dose soon, I'm going to swallow my own tongue.

Oh, Lord.

I think I feel better now.

You didn't have to hit me so hard.

You wanna play?

I'm not kidding this time.

Yeah. How many times does he have to tell you?

Back off, Barbie.

Why don't you go put on the red suit?

You might not care about your wife, but those are my friends at that party. I

thought she's your friend.

What do you say?

I'd say you have an algae problem.

See, she's not backing you up. And we both know you're not going to...

I got 27 more bullets where that came from.

I believe that gun holds 12 rounds.

Killing me is not going to help your friend.

Okay. Okay.

Let's do it your way.

I've got her.

Thank you.

Who is she?

Just a very spunky supermodel.

What are you doing? Models don't drive like that. Who is she? I've done that

before. It was a shoot for a Jeep commercial.

I didn't know how the gears worked. Shut up.

Who are you?

And how did you blow out the back gate?

I wouldn't do that.

I do what I want, Schatz.

Geh recht in der Annahme, dass keiner von Ihnen Deutsch spricht.

You talking to me?

Because I don't sprechen Sie Deutsch.

Sie konnte mir das schnell zu jedes Ereignis.

Again.

A strong friend and lover, this one, goes

outside with me.

I can keep an eye on him.

Kirk, later.

Guard these doors with your lives if anyone tries to leave.

Right here.

Are you sure I don't have any pants on the other side?

No, we're going to hide in that bamboo.

This is where I sneak out to see Sherry.

Cindy? You mean Cindy, right?

Sidney? Sherry. Sidney. I get them all confused sometimes.

You don't really care about anybody, do you?

Except for... Jenny.

You care about my Jenny.

Of course.

Of course?

Of course.

You know, I had a horse once.

Actually, it was my Aunt Chrissy's.

No, she just lit right up every time I saw her.

Same as my Jenny.

You know, we even have our own secret language.

Really? No matter how fast she runs, she'll stop like that.

As soon as I tell her.

Secret love?

Hidey -ho!

Hidey -ho!

and I'll see you first.

I got this bomb for me.

Oops.

Okay. Here's the move.

I don't really think I can do that in this outfit.

Krav Maga is an Israeli army kill technique.

Outfits don't matter.

Okay? So, first the kick.

Kick! Yes. And then the chop.

That's good.

Then the chop?

What? I don't want to do that.

It's just so violent.

Kick!

You two will kick and you will chop.

That's it.

Chop!

We're a team.

Okay?

We're a killing machine.

Let's do it.

We have a plan. Of course we have a plan. Okay.

A plan?

Of course we have a plan.

The... What is... What is what? The plan.

Okay.

Well, first we should let our side know that the cavalry is here.

Here we go.

Hey,

who's that?

It's Simon. Oh, my God.

It's Simon, the bastard!

Well, go get him! He's standing right over there!

Where the hell have you been?

Put your hands up! I can't believe this! Come with us!

Glad you could make it, honey!

Go!

Hey, hey, hey, Heinz, watch the suit.

You're only six hours late for the party, you two -timing jackal!

Val, have you ever armed a bomb before?

No, but I thought I could do it once.

Did you pay real close attention?

No. How hard could it be?

Val, we've got a problem.

I think we should get the rest of this in the bag. He said we move now.

No, you idiot. Get the guitar.

Valerie Irons, where are you?

Valerie?

I give you ten seconds to come out or your friend Simon dies.

One, two, three, four... What are you doing?

You're in charge now.

Nine.

Hi. Ready to give up?

I'm serious.

Not as serious as I am.

Get real, honey.

I mean, you've been shooting guns, crashing cars, screaming.

I think one of the neighbors probably heard and probably called cops by now.

I'm sure the great Valerie

Irons has a contact.

At the clock, huh?

Oh.

I haven't been down there in so long, and, you know, that staff, it just keeps

on changing.

Please, ring them up.

Just to make sure they are not... Hi,

uh, Detective Grisby, please?

Who's calling?

Val Iron.

Hold on one second.

Speakerphone on.

No trick.

You again?

Get her out of here.

Yeah, come on.

Hey, watch it.

Foul iron.

What can I do for you on a lovely day like today?

You know, there's nothing I wouldn't.

Oh, that's so sweet, Griff.

I like it when you call me Griff.

I'm down here at the...

Crystal ball fundraiser. I really admire you.

Dodging danger wherever you go, but you still have time for charity.

Well, you know, danger is my middle name.

There's been a lot of noise down here, and we're just wondering if it's cool

with you guys.

No complaints over here.

Val, I was wondering, do you think you could ever fit me into your busy

maybe Friday?

Problems, yes.

I don't get asked out very often.

So, Simon, what's it going to be?

The banking codes?

Or your wife?

I don't know the codes.

Simon, please. The government terminated my contract over a year ago.

These are lies.

Why would I lie when you have a gun pointed at my wife?

Why didn't you tell me? I haven't developed a new code for the U .S.

over a year.

I'm sorry, Jessica.

I want the code.

Now. Look, just call my CFO.

We have been practically bankrupt ever since we lost that contract.

people all of you you are dead do you hear me dead

oh no

See what you got, Klaus.

One time, Rick.

Two taunts, tell me.

Come on.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Relax your ass, girl.

Not bad for one lesson.

Hey, any sign of Heinrich?

I'm having a bonanza moment.

I'm hurt. I don't want to go to the hospital.

Where's the hospital? Be quiet.

Don't care.

Yeah, they're wrapping up inside.

Yeah, we can turn.

Okay, sorry. Y 'all be there.

Oh, thank goodness. Nikki's going to be okay.

Uh, I could tell there was trouble by your manner on the phone.

You're amazing.

Pretending to ask me out. Just to trick the bad guys.

You're something else, Griff.

Mwah.

Poor thing.

Oh, he looks bad.

Dolly?

I worked as Stoli's sound engineer when I was, uh, infiltrating the KGB.

I remember some wild sounds, Chet.

Oh, that's a nasty bump.

Maybe I should check that out.

This could be our last glass of champagne for a while.

You remember our honeymoon?

We existed on beer and barbecued chicken.

I was never happier, Simon.

At least I got something to shoot for.

And as I recall, you're a pretty good shot.

Cut the sap.

Let's get this party kicking.

Where's Sasha and her dude?

Come here, come here, come here, come here.

Tell me everything, everything, your Monica, and I'll listen to it.

Do I look like the kind of girl that kisses and tells?

No.

Darling, you look like the kind that maxes it up, shoots, kicks it around the

block a few times and then tells.

Come on.

Well, I'll just say this.

Give it up for the Moscow Nights!

Well I think we did a good job.

Let's hope we never have to do that again.

No kidding.