Original subtitles

I never should have done that show on female hit women.

Well, we were fine until you called your agent.

Ex -agent.

Oh, it's still quite henna.

Oh, I think I hit the gas pack.

Whose side you on anyway?

Give me a cigar.

Are you okay?

You know, a day at the beach with you is no day at the beach.

You guys don't understand. I got in a lucky punch. I'm not a bodyguard. But we

are. You'll just be a figurehead. A name on the door. You'll probably never even

leave the office.

Your help is pulling the rich and famous.

We'll do the rest. We're professionals.

We'll take care of all the tough stuff.

There'll never be any danger?

Never. Never? Never.

Hello, Jane.

I'm out of champagne. Can you send some up immediately?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Let's turn the alarm on the way out.

I'm sleeping.

Do you know what time it is?

It's 11 .30 a .m.

Eric Collier. He's

America's Richard Branson.

As chief financial officer, I handle day -to -day operations.

But Mr. Collier is the genius.

He just celebrated his 15th year on the Fortune 500.

Not to mention, winner of the winter triathlon.

Vienna motorcycle rally, a dozen rock climbing records.

An impressive individual.

Very. And with more than enough money to indulge his every whim.

Lately, that means a growing fondness for extreme sports.

As in bungee jumping?

As in plummeting from a blimp purchased just for the occasion.

So, your board of directors is worried profits will plummet if the golden goose

gets cooked.

We wanted someone who could keep up with him.

and keep them in one piece.

Our computers ran a check using every available database.

Mr. Collier insisted on proving our decision.

And even he had to admit that there was only one clear choice with the necessary

protection skills and superb athletic mastery.

Valerie Irons.

As it says in your corporate brochure, Valerie Irons.

Special skills.

Skydiving, race car driving, combat technician, military analyst.

World -class skier, mountain climber.

Need I go on?

No, you need not.

Miss Irons is so modest.

I mean, yeah, she hates bragging.

But you obviously realize great talent comes at a great price.

Just bill us on completion.

You haven't even heard our fee.

This briefcase is a birthday gift for Mr. Collier.

Carved in a single piece from the last remaining stand of ginkgo trees in the

Amazon rainforest.

Priceless.

Trust me, whatever you charge, it's pocket change.

I'll arrange everything.

Okay. I think we went a little far with the old bay. I pray.

Corporate brochure?

I just had them printed up and mailed a few thousand out.

Val. Val. Val again. And more Val. Val! You're in the back.

Down near the copyright?

Mom.

Horseman. Explorer Adventure.

There is no challenge to a scream for billionaire businessman Eric Collier.

know, I still don't understand this case.

Collier's biggest threat is Collier. So, what are we protecting him from?

Himself?

Girl, you are getting way too Oprah.

Look, we got a good gig here.

Luxury penthouse.

Jag.

Expense account.

What you need to be doing is making sure that Mr.

Moneybag invests in my maximizer line of casual wear.

Here, give it to me. Let me show you.

Okay. So you're out in the field, right?

And you're dodging bullets.

And then suddenly you stop.

You have to freshen up.

With all the guns and the brass knuckles and everything, where do you put your

lipstick? My Chanel backpack.

Wrong! In your secret pocket.

Look at here. You can put your lipstick in there. You can put a cute cop phone

number in there.

You can put your makeup in there.

You're a genius.

Yeah. I'll take that.

Ah, the road not taken.

At first I considered jettisoning the entire board.

Having the collective nerve to think I need coddling like some overactive

infant. But then I thought, well, why not?

Maybe I can learn something from the great Valerie Irons.

Ah, Dakar.

Wasn't it a nightmare keeping the dust out of the engine?

No. I had people to take care of that.

The Madagascar mud crawler?

It's not the teeth so much, but the tail you have to watch out for.

Yeah.

Ah, K2.

I remember it well.

Almost as fun as Glacier Scheme.

Right, Eric?

I'm impressed.

I see your team strives to meet your same high standards.

And what about you?

Me? Yes.

What's the most dangerous ski slope you've ever encountered?

I just go to Mexico.

Mexico?

You must mean Mount Alto.

The slope can only be reached by foot, a three -day trek through heavy terrain

followed by a perilous climb up the mountain's face.

You've impressed me yet again, Miss Irons.

You have never even been to Mexico.

Does Taco Bell count?

No.

Wow!

Subsonic X -27!

Been there, shot that.

Fresh from the labs of Collier International, soon to be the favorite

military operatives all over the world.

Just what the world needs, another gun.

You sound like you don't approve.

I don't think I've done enough damage.

I'm not sure if I want people going around saying things like that.

Especially not people of pain.

Crazy? She was never in any real danger. The laser on that scope marks the

target with a unique isotope signature.

Like the smart bomb technology your company developed for youth in Iraq.

Now I am impressed.

Except my patented bullet can be fired in any direction and still hit its mark.

Once the target is pre -marked, of course, as demonstrated by our terrorist

friend.

Thank you.

Well, duty call.

I'll fax our itinerary for tomorrow to your offices.

Totally unslappable.

You coming?

Is it safe to move?

Look, we should get a souvenir.

The button from the mannequin.

Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy?

First he didn't want a bodyguard, now he treats us like his favorite play date.

Why not?

We're fun.

We live for the extreme.

Yeah.

Except the most extreme thing we've seen this guy do is get that big head of his

into one of those custom -made shirts.

Touché. Thank you. I wasn't talking to you. Besides, we need more clients like

this.

Did you see that briefcase?

The last stand of the ginkgo tree?

Hey! You guys have to see what's on TV.

Kay! This is serious.

Eric Collier is on Channel 3.

founder and CEO of Collier International.

I've spent two decades and countless millions exploring the extremes of human

experience, searching for the ultimate thrill.

Today, I will push the envelope as far as it goes.

In front of me is $10 million.

It will belong to anyone who can kill me in the next 48 hours.

Have a thrilling day.

Oh, brother.

That is not unethical, man.

you really think putting a hit on yourself is fun?

Why, Val, are we shying away from a new challenge?

Oh, the challenge of keeping me from telling you what I really think.

You're going to cancel that gig now.

It's too late.

The money's already been sent to the bank account in the Caymans. Price

Porterhouse is handling the details.

All right, then we'll talk to them.

Feel free.

This here is Price and Porterhouse.

I bought the firm this morning.

Thank you, guys.

Every nutjob in town is going to be gunning for you. Yeah, it's exciting,

it?

Get down!

Get down!

I'm standing right there with the man.

I knew you, man.

He was worth a shot.

dollar for every guy looking to put a bullet through some millionaire.

I'd be a millionaire.

This guy was an amateur. The next one won't be.

We're not hanging around here to find out. Let's go.

I'm generating a list of any known contacts who are currently in L .A.

What else?

Still working on canceling that contract.

Not our contract. Oh, that wouldn't really make any sense, would it? I mean,

contract with all of the people who want to kill him and probably everyone

around him.

Thanks, Kay.

Sorry.

Isn't there something better you could be doing with your money? I mean, do the

words children's hospital mean anything to you? The game is the thing, the

thrill of the extreme.

Oh, yeah, if someone kills me trying to kill you.

I'm going to kill you.

Yeah.

What he said.

Come on, kids. Let's get lunch.

No, the shipment will be detained at San Pedro.

Secure. That complex is impenetrable. A ladybug couldn't crawl in there without

knowing about it.

All right.

I warned you about... You okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

Not you, jerk. Bah!

Never better.

I won't go to a police station.

Well, you really don't have much of a choice. Because even if you don't care

about yourself, what about all these innocent people?

Yeah, kicking back at County Hooch might be your best bet right now.

Yeah, just kicking back. Me and all them money -hungry criminals with nothing to

lose. Now, why didn't I think of that?

Well, we could just quit.

No, wait, hey, guys.

Whoa. Now, okay, maybe I did go too far, but I did set this up knowing you'd all

be here to protect me.

A little help here?

Okay, look, maybe Mr.

Collier, Eric, did go a little far, but we're professionals.

We just have to keep him out of circulation for another 43 hours.

I guess you could take me to San Pedro. I own a top security installation down

there. We'd all be extremely safe.

How about him?

I can take care of him.

Detective Grisby, I think it might be a good idea if we take care of Mr.

Collier. Well, if someone's trying to kill him, he needs police protection.

Please, call me Grisby.

On the other hand, you guys can probably babysit him better than anyone.

That's true.

We'll keep him all tucked in nice and snugly like a little bundle of... Money.

Joy.

Then I guess we'll be in touch.

So would anyone mind if I tap a

kidney before we head out?

Whatever.

See you, man.

I gotta check it out.

Get her out, guys.

Oh.

Any assassins in there? All clear.

We wouldn't want it to go on.

You're wasting your time. This is the most secure location west of Fort Knox.

Looks like a typical warehouse if you ask me.

Remote lockdown.

The perimeter fence has more juice in it than the Starship Enterprise.

Oh, really?

Would that be the one with Kirk as captain?

Or Picard.

The point is it's nearly impossible to get in here without an invitation.

Oh, so you just pulled the plug on your own $10 million party.

Oh, I don't know about that. For that kind of money, people would go to an

lot of trouble.

You never get away.

I'm out. You never get away.

I'm out.

You never get away.

I'm out. Get away.

Get away. Get away. Get away. Hey.

I'm. Resting over you. I'm.

Now.

What should Delia and Collier anyway?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You kissed his butt so hard, I think you gave him liposuction.

Eric is a very successful, talented, and daring man.

I think he's a big jerk.

He's... complex.

Oh, really, Miss Professional Bodyguard?

Well, I'm the people person around here. I don't think that guy's kosher. You

know street people, Val. I studied personality trait recognizance with...

A high -level government agency.

The CIA?

Maybe. Was that after the MI5 and the KGB and the Nancy Drew Club?

You were in the Nancy Drew Club. Was not.

I was not.

That's a lot of job movement for a people person.

Really? So how many hot dog stands were you at before we found you? Or maybe you

stayed at that one stand because it was so prestigious. That's not the point.

Anyway, I hope you're right about Eric.

Miss Nancy Drew wannabe.

But I have a very bad feeling about all this.

No two men do it alike.

You know, I once knew a man who kept his hat on until he was completely

undressed. Yeah, now he made a picture.

Years later, his secret came out.

He wore a toupee.

Yeah. No, I have a method all my own.

If you'll notice... Stinky cable company.

Hi. Southland Cable? My cable just went...

No, we haven't had any problems.

Yes, actually, we did pay for the installation.

Okay, ma 'am, what happened?

I don't know, but it was probably just one of those citywide outages that

to happen willy -nilly right at the part where Park Gable was picking up the

young, blonde damsel in his arms.

Ma 'am, there are problems in your area.

Whoa, wow.

I gotta say, um...

You have been so helpful and kind.

May I have your name and employee number so that I might write a letter of

praise to your boss?

Okay.

Thank you very, very much.

Jerk.

Operation. Hi, this is Ms. Smith, employee number 247 down in customer

are you doing tonight?

I need a 1047 code to do a troubleshoot on a 355 non -op down in the Mid

-Wilshire District.

Okay.

Thank you.

Too weird.

I'm going to get to the bottom of that.

Come on, come on.

Thank you.

Reported cable service outages for yesterday.

Oh, no.

Those guys are in big trouble.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh. Yeah.

Hello.

No money, boy.

I need the 411 on something.

Anything. You know that 10 mil you put on your head?

Anyone can collect?

Absolutely anyone.

Then I have a proposition.

I'm all ears.

I'll save him for last.

Vicki.

No.

You see, first we torture, and then we kill.

Motion

sensor.

But all the doors are locked.

Security guard.

But how did he know to come from the ceiling?

What? Hi.

It's Kay. You ready for this?

Oh, I'm ready. Our cable went out right in the middle of it.

Okay, Kay, we have our own problem.

So, Tasha, listen to me.

I, uh, well, actually, I hacked into the cable company's records, and I

discovered that one and only one line in the whole city experienced a blackout.

The line had been temporarily linked to a private transmission, starting on the

afternoon that we saw Collier's freaky thing with all the cash.

So that commercial was for our eyes only. We were set up.

Hang it up now.

Please place your weapons on the floor.

Give him a little kick.

Allow me to introduce to you the wealthiest and most daring hunters on

planet, gathered here for their ultimate challenge.

Matthew and Felicity Adair, the renowned husband and wife team.

Sir Richard White, the world's foremost hunter of endangered species.

Chaz Malik, scourge of the Indian subcontinent.

And our associate known only as Javier.

I think someone's got a little bit too much free time and money on their hands.

Ah, but I put it to such good use.

The price on my head, the attempted assassinations, all a carefully

plan to establish that you were worthy adversaries.

Look, punk, we're not your adversaries.

Actually, you are, Miss Franco.

You didn't expect me to spend my valuable time dogging amateurs, did you?

One of you four will collect the bounty on my head, or you'll all die trying.

And now, for a few ground rules.

This will be a fair fight, but a fight to the death nonetheless.

You want me to kill you first?

You want fair, Collier? How about you and me?

Mano a mano for a few rounds, huh?

Perhaps some other time.

Oh, wait.

You've run out of time.

Hey, how come she doesn't have to wear a zip suit?

I am not wearing that stupid uniform. I worked in a hot dog stand for two years.

Shoot me.

Bravo, a new challenge. We'll see how well you fare in the hunt.

Okay, it's time to choose your weapon.

But choose carefully, you get only one.

Come on, step right up.

Please. I'll be giving this back to you sharpened first.

Anything catch your eye, Val?

How about that cool smart gun you showed us the other day?

That's not on the menu.

The rule is I can pick any weapon that I want, and that's the guy I want.

You're right, of course.

Yes.

You know, this might be a really good time for you to start leaving.

Get going. Come on.

Let them have a little running room.

They won't be around to enjoy it much longer.

I'm about to rock -call your wig back.

I'd like to work him over myself.

He's just a butt wipe.

Hey, let's focus, people.

These hunters, they're good.

We gotta be better.

She's mine.

Good hunting to you all!

because you kicked me off.

You wanted to go one -on -one with Mr. Pine.

What about giving me a supporting chance instead?

Oh, yeah.

Tell your ribbed -in face my fits are coming.

Give me the smart gun.

Officer, who else should keep watching this?

Hey, who's that?

Yeah, Golden Glove. East Harlem, New York, baby.

No kidding!

Where did you get that?

Collier shooting range. It's not a button, it's a homing device.

So that's how it works.

What, so this laser stuff is bogus?

Yeah, we're not the only ones Collier duped. You sold a pile of this crap to

Pentagon.

I guess this thing wasn't such a good choice, was it?

Yeah. But you were right about Collier being a jerk.

Maybe I'm not as finely attuned to people as I am to guns and knives.

Well, too bad I can't use my legendary combat skills to get us out of this

We're not going to tell anybody we had this conversation, are we? No, don't

worry about it.

combat scenario Delta 7.

Oh, why didn't I think of that?

Stay put.

Somebody's out there.

Watching.

Really think they'd be stupid enough to hide within our range?

I don't think so.

If so, I guarantee you, I'd hear any would -be predator in time to act.

No, she didn't.

You go check on Javier.

What about Val?

I'll get Val.

I'm out.

Well.

No more running, no more hiding, just you and me.

Hi.

The great Valerie Irons. I thought you'd be more of a challenge.

Do you like the circus?

What?

You know, being up here kind of reminds me of a high wire act.

I don't like what they do to the elephants and the clowns are kind of

but... You do realize that I'm about to kill you.

Yeah.

I'm just trying to think of nice thoughts like before when I go to sleep.

You have until the count of five.

I love a moving time.

I'll start pushing the envelope.

Are you okay, Val?

Yeah, I'm okay.

I'm so worried about you.

You all right?

Yeah. I heard the explosion.

Sorry, I missed it.

You're some kind of hero, lady.

Me? I'll just do what I can.

Well, I hear you took Collier down without even clinching.

Who told you that?

Your people, of course.

I wish I had Laura if you liked that.

Thanks, Griff.

You guys don't have to hype me up, even though I just really sleep.

I didn't say anything.

Well, look at me.

Hey, let's just get our gear and get out of here. All right?

See you. Bye.

Don't let it go to your head.

Man, Val, the press is killing Collier. Did you hear you got 10 years?

You're going to stack up on plenty of cigarettes and soap on the road.

Whatever with that. I'm going to get some fancy schmancy lawyer to get him

early. Jerk.

So tell me, was he really trying to hunt you?

Uh -huh.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah, yeah, but it explains this.

What? You made the centerfold for a fishing gang.

Ooh, a hunting hog.

Boys back home will love this one right here.

You're lying.

You're lying. Just

kidding.

Is that a wig?