Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,790 --> 00:00:05,450
Oh, this is a story about a guy named
Al, and he lived in a sewer with his
2
00:00:05,450 --> 00:00:08,810
master pal, but the sanitation workers
really didn't approve, so he packed up
3
00:00:08,810 --> 00:00:12,590
his accordion and had to move to a city
in Ohio, where he lived in a tree, and
4
00:00:12,590 --> 00:00:15,990
he worked in a nasal decongestion
factory, and he played on the company
5
00:00:15,990 --> 00:00:18,850
team, and every single night he had a
French recurring dream, where he was
6
00:00:18,850 --> 00:00:21,650
wearing leader holes and in a vat of
sour cream, but that's really not
7
00:00:21,650 --> 00:00:22,569
in the story.
8
00:00:22,570 --> 00:00:26,170
Well, the very next year he met a dental
hygienist with a special attitude on
9
00:00:26,170 --> 00:00:30,190
her arm, but he didn't even touch any
lobster number, then he got himself a
10
00:00:30,190 --> 00:00:31,190
on a tater tot.
11
00:00:51,390 --> 00:00:54,190
Outro Music
12
00:01:14,090 --> 00:01:19,750
Today's lesson is, learning new things
takes time, study, and hard work.
13
00:01:21,930 --> 00:01:24,530
Ah, stay now. Well, your temperature's
normal.
14
00:01:25,130 --> 00:01:26,670
Oh, hey everybody, how you doing?
15
00:01:27,270 --> 00:01:29,650
My pal Harvey here isn't feeling very
well.
16
00:01:30,270 --> 00:01:34,130
I've read the National Rodent Society's
official hamster maintenance manual from
17
00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:37,070
cover to cover twice, and I still can't
find the problem.
18
00:01:37,650 --> 00:01:39,350
I think he might be faking it.
19
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:43,520
Still, it wouldn't hurt to fill out that
hamster organ donor card.
20
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:46,400
I'm just kidding around, Harv.
21
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,840
Well, let's review your symptoms one
more time.
22
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:50,680
Lack of movement.
23
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,780
Rear end is hard and plastic -like.
24
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,620
Emits a strange whirring sound.
25
00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,740
Oh, I know what it is.
26
00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:05,460
Harvey's just being sucked into the
vacuum cleaner. That's all.
27
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,279
Let's see.
28
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,520
How does this thing work?
29
00:02:17,739 --> 00:02:19,640
Bobby, you scared me to death.
30
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,420
Sorry, Al, but I really need to know
something.
31
00:02:22,660 --> 00:02:24,860
What would happen if I never brushed my
teeth?
32
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:29,180
Well, now, there's a very pressing
question, Bobby. Say, why don't we just
33
00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:33,120
everything and watch this incredibly
entertaining and instructive movie?
34
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:42,500
We use our teeth every day to smile and
to bite things.
35
00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:44,900
But what happens if we neglect our
teeth?
36
00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:47,550
They might wind up... Looking like this.
37
00:02:47,890 --> 00:02:48,890
Or this.
38
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:50,170
Or this.
39
00:02:51,030 --> 00:02:54,350
So how can we keep our teeth healthy and
clean?
40
00:02:54,890 --> 00:02:57,190
First of all, visit your dentist every
day.
41
00:02:57,630 --> 00:02:59,330
And bring along a friend to watch.
42
00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:03,130
Also, when you eat cake, chew with your
mouth closed.
43
00:03:03,490 --> 00:03:04,490
Don't be a pig.
44
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:07,590
When you eat stinky food, hold your
nose.
45
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:10,150
And don't eat too many sugar cubes
either.
46
00:03:11,210 --> 00:03:15,170
It's also a good idea to check your
teeth in a mirror every five minutes or
47
00:03:15,170 --> 00:03:16,570
just to make sure they're still there.
48
00:03:17,270 --> 00:03:20,150
And most importantly, learn the proper
way to brush.
49
00:03:20,930 --> 00:03:24,430
A lot of kids try to brush their teeth
without actually putting the toothbrush
50
00:03:24,430 --> 00:03:26,550
inside their mouths, like these kids.
51
00:03:27,150 --> 00:03:29,830
Billy, brushing your cheek doesn't do
any good.
52
00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:33,510
You've got to take your teeth out of
your mouth first and then brush them.
53
00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:35,190
So remember, brush.
54
00:03:35,630 --> 00:03:37,810
Brush as if your life depended on it.
55
00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:39,930
Be nice to your teeth.
56
00:03:40,460 --> 00:03:42,660
or else you'll have to eat everything
through a straw.
57
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:46,860
Oh, sorry, Harvey.
58
00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:48,400
Won't happen again.
59
00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:55,520
So, Bobby, are you now chock full of
knowledge?
60
00:03:56,020 --> 00:03:58,380
Al, how come I can't breathe water?
61
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,080
Guess not.
62
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,420
Bobby, I really don't know.
63
00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:04,300
Then how come I can't breathe gravy?
64
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:08,480
Bobby, I don't know. How come it doesn't
hurt when I get a haircut?
65
00:04:09,130 --> 00:04:10,190
I don't know.
66
00:04:10,530 --> 00:04:13,110
How come fly swatters have holes in
them?
67
00:04:13,630 --> 00:04:15,550
He doesn't know.
68
00:04:17,430 --> 00:04:23,830
Al, why can't you answer any of my
questions? Bobby, because you ask
69
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:28,910
that nobody knows the answers to. Well,
actually, you can't breathe water or
70
00:04:28,910 --> 00:04:30,370
gravy because they're both liquids.
71
00:04:30,590 --> 00:04:32,670
And our lungs can only breathe gases.
72
00:04:34,990 --> 00:04:38,230
It doesn't hurt to cut your hair because
there are no nerve endings there.
73
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:44,060
He holds in a fly swatter, reduced wind
resistance, thus making it move through
74
00:04:44,060 --> 00:04:45,060
the air faster.
75
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:50,060
Sorry about the flashy entrance. My
superhero's license is up for renewal.
76
00:04:50,380 --> 00:04:51,720
Just brushing up on the basics.
77
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:53,980
Wow, you know everything!
78
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:59,260
Well, my PhDs in biology, geology, and
astrophysics do come in handy sometimes,
79
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,219
I guess.
80
00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:02,300
You have three PhDs?
81
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:04,160
No, wait a minute.
82
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:05,680
No, that's not right.
83
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,580
I didn't think so. Five.
84
00:05:08,010 --> 00:05:09,170
Yeah, I actually have five.
85
00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:12,690
I also have a degree in hooded studies
and one in taking the law into your own
86
00:05:12,690 --> 00:05:14,670
hands. Got a little carried away in
college.
87
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:19,290
Bobby, a Ph .D. is a kind of degree that
you earn in college after you've
88
00:05:19,290 --> 00:05:20,290
mastered a subject.
89
00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:21,810
Duh, I'm not a moron.
90
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:23,670
Okay.
91
00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:27,990
Anyhow, I was going through the paper
and I found these $5 .53 get -one -free
92
00:05:27,990 --> 00:05:30,850
frozen burritos coupons and thought of
you right away.
93
00:05:31,150 --> 00:05:32,149
Oh, thanks.
94
00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:33,810
Okay, well, I've got to go.
95
00:05:35,490 --> 00:05:37,450
Wait, Mr. Hooded Avenger!
96
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:38,599
Wait up!
97
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,080
I've got lots of questions!
98
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,780
Bobby? Bye, I've got to go.
99
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:47,160
But Bobby, I know all about hamster
stuff.
100
00:05:48,860 --> 00:05:50,280
Oh, what good is that?
101
00:05:50,780 --> 00:05:55,600
Wow, Hooded Avenger knows about so many
different things and, well, I've just
102
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:56,840
been burying my head in this.
103
00:05:57,860 --> 00:06:00,580
From now on, I want to know everything.
104
00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:04,400
I want to be a fountain of wisdom on
every subject possible.
105
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,340
Oh, how I thirst for knowledge!
106
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:09,700
Or maybe some Limburger soda.
107
00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:11,160
Yeah, that sounds good.
108
00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:14,320
But first, let's see if there's
something educational on TV.
109
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:19,020
Elizabeth!
110
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:23,440
I've told you once, I've told you a
thousand times, just one lump of sugar,
111
00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:25,580
please. This tastes like a candy bar.
112
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,560
Daddy, would you fix my thigh?
113
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,640
It's a job for your mummy. Mummy, come
in here and help your son.
114
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,680
Mummy! Oh, there you are.
115
00:06:35,230 --> 00:06:36,510
Mummy, would you fix my tie?
116
00:06:38,090 --> 00:06:39,650
They're just standing there. Help the
boy.
117
00:06:42,590 --> 00:06:46,250
Buy a good robe, you don't. Now you
completely wrecked my tea.
118
00:06:46,470 --> 00:06:49,330
Mummy. Lunch is just around the corner.
I suppose you're going to see your way
119
00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:50,670
to ruining that, too.
120
00:06:51,230 --> 00:06:55,590
Mummy and Daddy will return after this.
121
00:07:00,810 --> 00:07:05,170
Today, Babe Ruth announced that he will
come out of retirement and return to the
122
00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:06,169
major leagues.
123
00:07:06,170 --> 00:07:09,770
In related news... Babe Ruth is alive?
124
00:07:10,170 --> 00:07:11,450
He walks the earth!
125
00:07:11,770 --> 00:07:12,910
Run for your lives!
126
00:07:13,270 --> 00:07:14,550
Ah! Ah!
127
00:07:19,250 --> 00:07:21,570
Hey, you will pass the lasagna.
128
00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:26,870
Don't you get any on ya, you sloppy pig.
Have a mor...
129
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,480
And the big like your cousin Luigi.
130
00:07:34,860 --> 00:07:36,240
Luigi, Luigi.
131
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:37,760
Capiche, Python.
132
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,240
Capiche, Python.
133
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:40,760
Capiche, Python.
134
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:06,660
Would you like to make more money,
impress your friends, be like me and
135
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:10,600
everything in the world? Sure you would.
And now the Know -It -All
136
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:15,200
Correspondence School can help. With
courses in molecular biology, nuclear
137
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:19,960
management, air traffic controlling,
aardvark training, belly button lint
138
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:26,220
recycling, UFO restoration and repair,
unleashing your inner robot, frog
139
00:08:26,220 --> 00:08:30,060
cosmetology, accounting, and so many
more.
140
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:34,690
With the Know -It -All Correspondence
School, you can know it all in no time
141
00:08:34,690 --> 00:08:37,610
all. Call Know -It -All now and start
learning today.
142
00:08:39,530 --> 00:08:40,530
I did.
143
00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:42,190
Wow.
144
00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:44,790
That's the answer to all my problems.
145
00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:49,850
If I just take every single one of those
amazing courses, there won't be
146
00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:51,010
anything I don't know.
147
00:08:51,370 --> 00:08:53,250
And then I'll be admired by all.
148
00:08:53,550 --> 00:08:56,130
And I can learn it all really, really
fast.
149
00:08:57,510 --> 00:08:58,249
That's it.
150
00:08:58,250 --> 00:08:59,510
I'm going to order the work.
151
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,880
And then I will know everything.
152
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:10,840
Hello? Can Al really know it all, or
will he blow it all by trying to learn
153
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:11,840
many things at once?
154
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:13,900
Don't go away!
155
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,460
We'll be right back!
156
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,740
Look at this. The Know -It -All
Correspondence School sent me the sum
157
00:09:36,740 --> 00:09:38,260
mankind's accumulated knowledge.
158
00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:40,400
And a cycle phone.
159
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:41,700
Absolutely free.
160
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:48,180
Yeah, well, that's the last one there.
So if you'd just sign here, please.
161
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,840
Great. I can hardly wait to get started.
162
00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:54,460
Pretty soon, I'm going to be the most
educated guy you ever met.
163
00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:58,180
That's really good. Let me just find a
pen for you here, okay?
164
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,260
Would you mind holding this? That's my
Ph .D. in anthropology.
165
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,550
I might agree in quantum physics.
166
00:10:05,930 --> 00:10:07,270
Oh, Nobel Prize.
167
00:10:08,550 --> 00:10:09,910
Here we go. Here's a pen.
168
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:13,810
Oh, you're going to need something to
bear down on, though. Here, use my
169
00:10:13,810 --> 00:10:15,750
master's thesis on subatomic particles.
170
00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:20,850
There you go, all righty. Thanks a lot.
171
00:10:21,430 --> 00:10:23,490
And, uh, good luck.
172
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:29,210
Okay, well, let's get started.
173
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:33,720
What's with all this?
174
00:10:33,940 --> 00:10:34,940
Oh, hey, Valerie.
175
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:39,240
These are all my new books. I've made it
my goal to learn everything there is to
176
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:40,320
know in the entire world.
177
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:43,780
You can't really expect to learn
everything overnight.
178
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:48,340
I mean, it took me years of work to
become a master spy.
179
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:53,480
Oh, come on, Val. We all know you're a
spy, but what makes you think you're a
180
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,480
master spy?
181
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:55,940
Hmm, I'll show you.
182
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:01,740
These are the socks you were wearing up
until a second ago.
183
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,760
Got him while you were blinking.
184
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:11,060
Okay, well, thanks, Val. Glad you could
pop in and make me feel even more
185
00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:14,860
insignificant. Oh, sure. I'd love to...
20th
186
00:11:14,860 --> 00:11:22,980
century
187
00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:23,980
Belgian philosophers.
188
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,400
Hey.
189
00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:29,040
No pictures.
190
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:31,320
Boring.
191
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:32,920
Now what else?
192
00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:35,080
Oh, advanced geometry.
193
00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:38,780
That sounds kind of hard.
194
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:40,560
Forget that!
195
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,140
I'm sure I can get my money back on
those.
196
00:11:43,980 --> 00:11:44,980
Hey!
197
00:11:46,260 --> 00:11:48,520
30 seconds to martial arts mastery.
198
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:49,720
Now this sounds cool.
199
00:11:52,220 --> 00:11:56,580
To begin your martial arts training,
look behind you.
200
00:12:00,810 --> 00:12:02,190
Hello, little sand flea.
201
00:12:02,770 --> 00:12:03,970
My name is Kuni.
202
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,090
I'll be your judo instructor for the
next 30 seconds.
203
00:12:07,650 --> 00:12:08,970
Oh, okay.
204
00:12:09,210 --> 00:12:11,230
Um, well, what do I... No questions!
205
00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:14,110
We are on a very serious schedule here.
206
00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:20,450
Okay. Now, the martial arts I am to
teach you are only to be used for
207
00:12:20,650 --> 00:12:21,770
not for attack.
208
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,450
Let's begin.
209
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,110
Attack me!
210
00:12:25,990 --> 00:12:29,330
But you just said that... I know what I
said. Attack me!
211
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:32,300
Okay.
212
00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:40,340
Well,
213
00:12:41,780 --> 00:12:42,900
that was kind of painful.
214
00:12:43,140 --> 00:12:44,520
Well, what do you expect? You attacked
me.
215
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:45,900
But you told me to.
216
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:49,860
Ah, with pain comes wisdom, little wood
dick.
217
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:53,840
Ow!
218
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,660
Hey, that wasn't for defense.
219
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:58,100
Ah, but it was.
220
00:12:58,140 --> 00:13:01,880
You are my opponent, and as my opponent,
I correctly assume that at some time
221
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,060
you attack me.
222
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:06,620
Therefore, I can anticipate the need for
defense.
223
00:13:07,740 --> 00:13:09,680
I don't think I want to take Judo from
you.
224
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,440
But your training has just begun, little
dung beetle.
225
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:17,160
Oops, sorry, time is up. Course is over.
226
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,800
What? Oh, I didn't learn very much.
227
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,600
That is right, little cockroach.
228
00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:24,440
It takes time to master any skill.
229
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:28,650
You did not learn because you did not
study.
230
00:13:29,570 --> 00:13:31,790
You're so stupid.
231
00:13:32,710 --> 00:13:33,710
Bye -bye.
232
00:13:35,570 --> 00:13:37,370
Well, that was a waste of 30 seconds.
233
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:39,370
Oh, what have we got here?
234
00:13:41,090 --> 00:13:43,010
Ah, astral projection.
235
00:13:43,310 --> 00:13:44,310
Hey, I've heard of this.
236
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:45,390
Hey, look, Harvey.
237
00:13:45,570 --> 00:13:48,530
I'm going to learn how to travel outside
of my own body. Oh, this should be a
238
00:13:48,530 --> 00:13:49,530
snap.
239
00:13:49,710 --> 00:13:50,710
Ah.
240
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:55,230
Prepare yourself for astral projection.
241
00:13:55,890 --> 00:14:01,550
First, completely empty your mind as if
there's nothing there at all.
242
00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:07,550
That shouldn't be too hard. Next, put on
your stimulus sensory sunglasses and
243
00:14:07,550 --> 00:14:10,290
allow yourself to become one with the
universe.
244
00:14:11,390 --> 00:14:13,810
Relax. Breathe deep.
245
00:14:14,130 --> 00:14:17,810
Soon your spirit will separate from your
physical being.
246
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:22,930
you will be able to explore the infinite
possibilities of traveling outside your
247
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:27,910
body, discover your true purpose in
life, and still be home in time for
248
00:14:28,290 --> 00:14:29,290
Offer void in Nebraska.
249
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:31,450
Hmm.
250
00:14:32,030 --> 00:14:33,430
I don't think this is working.
251
00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:41,850
Boy, what a bunch of... Hey!
252
00:14:45,690 --> 00:14:46,690
It happened!
253
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,280
My spirit left my body.
254
00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:51,000
Okay, concentrate.
255
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:52,960
What's my greater purpose?
256
00:14:53,220 --> 00:14:55,940
How do I want to use this limitless
opportunity?
257
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:00,620
Think I'll watch some TV.
258
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,320
Can't sleep.
259
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,940
Conjected. Runny nose.
260
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,200
Sore throat. Nagging cough.
261
00:15:15,579 --> 00:15:17,340
Fever and sinus infection.
262
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:23,240
Dizzy. Nauseous. Disoriented.
263
00:15:25,580 --> 00:15:27,200
Constipated. Memory loss.
264
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:28,420
A little crazy.
265
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:31,600
Can't shake your evil self.
266
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:36,960
Haunted house.
267
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:38,700
Night in shining armor.
268
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,260
CIA agent.
269
00:15:41,260 --> 00:15:43,880
Upside down person. Golden retriever.
270
00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:45,250
Huge beach ball?
271
00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:48,090
Miss America? Flying monkey?
272
00:15:49,010 --> 00:15:53,450
Oh, man. I can't believe it. This is my
higher purpose?
273
00:15:54,050 --> 00:15:55,670
I'm going back in my body.
274
00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:13,030
Now I'm really getting behind schedule.
But, well.
275
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:17,120
I should definitely know everything in
the world by the time we come back.
276
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:18,760
I can't wait!
277
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,660
What has Al learned so far?
278
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:25,480
Nothing! Maybe that's because you can't
learn new information unless you take
279
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,480
the time to study.
280
00:16:26,940 --> 00:16:27,940
Hey!
281
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,020
Stay tuned for more of The Weird Al
Show!
282
00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:43,920
The blue -nostriled pigeon keeps its
young inside its left ear for the entire
283
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,180
length of gestation.
284
00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:52,300
King Henry III had a wart on his kneecap
in the shape of a small poodle.
285
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:54,500
Sure is a lot to learn.
286
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,120
Man, I'll never remember all this.
287
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:58,480
I need a break.
288
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:00,740
You know what?
289
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:07,220
I think it's time for a death -defying
stunt from the one, the only, Harvey...
290
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:10,550
Hey, pal. How you doing?
291
00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:15,410
Today, Harvey will attempt to break the
all -time hamster weightlifting record.
292
00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:18,230
Good luck, pal.
293
00:17:23,869 --> 00:17:24,869
All right.
294
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:26,270
Concentrate, Harvey. Come on.
295
00:17:26,490 --> 00:17:28,770
Lift with the legs, not with the back.
296
00:17:29,070 --> 00:17:31,230
You can do it, Harvey. You can do it.
297
00:17:33,190 --> 00:17:39,060
Yes! It's a brand -new hamster
weightlifting record. Oh, great. Great
298
00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:42,560
Ah, well, time to get back to the book.
299
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,480
And that's how a fruit drink can
advertise itself as all natural, even
300
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:48,840
only has 10 % real juice.
301
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,820
Hey, Al, how's the quest for knowledge
coming?
302
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:57,660
Well, I was going to learn everything in
the world today, but it's not really
303
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:58,519
working out.
304
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,720
I took on so many subjects that I don't
have time to really get to know any of
305
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,600
them. In fact, I don't think I learned
anything.
306
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,270
Well... What did you expect, my friend?
307
00:18:08,530 --> 00:18:11,650
You can't learn everything all at once.
It takes time.
308
00:18:12,010 --> 00:18:13,770
You've got to really stick with it.
309
00:18:14,150 --> 00:18:18,150
Most important of all, you need pizza.
310
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:20,690
You can't learn on an empty stomach.
311
00:18:20,950 --> 00:18:22,650
Oh, man, thanks. What kind is it?
312
00:18:22,990 --> 00:18:24,630
Peanut butter pizza, your favorite.
313
00:18:25,030 --> 00:18:26,030
Sounds great.
314
00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:29,330
Well, you know what? I'll join you guys
in a second. But first, I can tell by
315
00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:32,950
the old clock on the wall that once
again it's time for...
316
00:18:37,580 --> 00:18:38,900
Al's mailbag, that's right.
317
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:42,280
Well, let's see what we got in the old
mailbag this week.
318
00:18:45,060 --> 00:18:52,040
Got a letter here from Buffalo, New
York.
319
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:57,360
It says, Dear Al, I have a problem.
320
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,140
The other day I swallowed a watermelon
seed.
321
00:19:00,860 --> 00:19:05,000
Now my older brother says that
watermelons are going to grow in my
322
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,540
that the doctor will have to cut me open
to get them out.
323
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,300
And when he does, my brother's going to
steal them and sell them in his own
324
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:15,320
watermelon stand and not give me any of
the money. What should I do?
325
00:19:15,940 --> 00:19:18,460
Signed, Nelson Sebastian Gunderplatz,
age 7.
326
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,580
Well, Nelson, the answer is easy.
327
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,100
Get yourself a good business lawyer.
328
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,380
I don't know about all that medical
stuff, but it doesn't sound like your
329
00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:29,780
brother has any right to profit from a
watermelon business that you started.
330
00:19:30,060 --> 00:19:33,260
And furthermore... Good grief!
331
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:34,480
Harvey's choking!
332
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:37,020
The peanut butter's too much for him!
What are we going to do?
333
00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:57,790
Oh, it's no big deal. The hamster
Heimlich is one of the most basic
334
00:19:57,790 --> 00:20:02,870
procedures. Say, you've been studying
that book for some time now, haven't
335
00:20:03,030 --> 00:20:06,570
Yeah, well, I've always been really
interested in how to take care of
336
00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:12,810
I just concentrated on this stuff and
stuck with it, and I guess I'm kind of
337
00:20:12,810 --> 00:20:13,810
expert in it now.
338
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:15,750
Wow!
339
00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:20,450
Don't go away. We'll be right back.
340
00:20:20,810 --> 00:20:22,450
Al learned a lesson from Harvey.
341
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:26,540
Don't bite off more than you can chew.
There's no substitute for taking time to
342
00:20:26,540 --> 00:20:27,700
study one subject well.
343
00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:31,260
Camp Super Fun!
344
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,160
Camp Super Fun is fun, fun, fun.
345
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,920
Camp Super Fun is fun, fun, fun.
346
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,640
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.
347
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,400
Camp Super Fun is super fun.
348
00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:47,140
Hey everybody, want to have some fun
this summer? Try Camp Super Fun!
349
00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:54,590
Camp Super Fun is the perfect camp for
shapeless, tall, furry animals between
350
00:20:54,590 --> 00:20:56,010
the ages of 6 and 13.
351
00:20:56,290 --> 00:20:58,010
See you later, Mom and Dad.
352
00:21:00,970 --> 00:21:07,850
Camp Super Fun. Jump
353
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,230
in. It's super fun.
354
00:21:11,870 --> 00:21:13,330
We'll be right back.
355
00:21:13,750 --> 00:21:14,830
Don't you move!
356
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:27,920
Al, to honor your knowledge of the
subject and to recognize your special
357
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:32,200
achievements in the field, we'd all like
to present you with this honorary
358
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,540
doctorate in hamster maintenance.
359
00:21:35,180 --> 00:21:36,620
Congratulations, Al.
360
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,100
Oh, thanks, guys.
361
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:45,000
You know, our time is about up for this
week, but I hope we've all learned an
362
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:49,680
important lesson here today, and that is
that real knowledge can't be paid for
363
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,500
in three easy installments of 1995.
364
00:21:52,540 --> 00:21:58,980
Real knowledge takes work and sacrifice
and pizza and a really good reading lamp
365
00:21:58,980 --> 00:22:00,120
so you don't hurt your eyes.
366
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:05,680
So until next week, remember to always,
always, always wear shark repellent
367
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:12,600
because you never know when one's going
to... Settle down,
368
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:17,960
raise a family, join the PTA Buy some
sensible shoes and a Chevrolet Then
369
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,520
till you're broke and they drag you away
It's okay
370
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,640
You can dare to be stupid.
371
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,680
It's like bidding on a fish.
372
00:22:25,860 --> 00:22:27,320
It's like barking up a tree.
373
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,320
It's like I said you gotta buy one if
you wanna get one free.
374
00:22:32,260 --> 00:22:33,340
Dare to be stupid.
375
00:22:33,740 --> 00:22:36,040
Yeah. Why don't you dare to be stupid?
29646
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof