Original subtitles

Oh. This is a story about a guy named Al, and he lived in a sewer with his

master pal, but the sanitation worker really didn't approve, so he packed up

accordion and had to move to a city in Ohio, where he lived in a tree, and he

worked in a nasal decongestion factory, and he played on the company bowling

team, and every single night he had a strange recurring dream, where he was

wearing leader holes and in a vat of sour cream, but that's really not

in the story.

Well, the very next year he met a dental hygienist with a special attitude on

her arm, but he didn't even touch any lobster number, then he got himself a

on a tater tot farm, and he's been a... life -saving metal split level game 20

miles below the surface of the earth and he really makes a mighty fine jelly

bean and pickle salad for what it's worth then one day Al was in the forest

trying to get a tin when he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man

he was caught in a bear trap and Al set him free and the guy that he rescued was

grateful as could be and it turns out he's a big shot producer on TV so he

Al a contract and what do you know now he's got his very own weird Al

Today's lesson is, you should try to understand and appreciate people who are

different from you. Don't make quick judgments!

Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese.

Oh, hi.

In case you couldn't tell, I'm trying to write a song about cheese.

It's gone kind of slow. So far all I have is cheese, cheese, something,

something, cheese.

Something needs a little work. In the meantime, though, why don't we sing a

we already know?

Hey, pal.

You feel like singing the Harvey the Wonderhamster theme song?

Okay, well, here we go.

Oh, Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the Wonderhamster. He doesn't bite and he

squeal. He just runs around on his hamster wheel.

Can't be right. What the heck is going on here?

Harvey.

Phew. You're okay.

Hey, buddy.

Are we near the mine?

The what? The coal mine. According to this map, it should be around here

somewhere. I don't know anything about coal mine, but this is my home, and I

really didn't need a side entrance.

Home, eh? I don't see anything about a home on here, do you? No. Doesn't say

anything about a Hawaiian guy, either.

Hmm. Well...

Obviously, your map is wrong because I'm here, there's no coal anywhere, and

you've just destroyed my living room. All right, relax.

We're sorry about the disturbance. We'll fix the hole in your wall and we'll be

on our way pretty soon.

Cheese, cheese, cheese. Hey, stop reading that. This has no middle.

Hey, look, I'm on TV.

Listen, buddy, I've got to call my supervisor. Can I use your telephone?

Yeah, sure, over there. All right.

Hey, you're messing up all my stuff.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Would you mind taking off your gloves?

You're the boss.

Hey, look. I'm Shaquille O 'Neal.

Hey, don't you people have any manners?

I don't know.

Maybe you can loan us some.

Maybe you can loan us some.

So we were digging away in the old shaft and we broke through some guy's wall.

So listen, stinky face.

Me and these other sweaty old dirt dogs over here, we're a little bit behind

schedule. Just so you know. Okay, bye -bye.

So, what did he say?

Blah, blah, blah, rah, rah, rah, you know.

All right, guys, let's stop horsing around and get this wall picked. Be on

way.

Well, let's just try to ignore them, okay?

Anyway, I think it's just about time to pop out to the kitchen for a little

nutrition break.

Today, my recipe for lima bean cookies.

Mmm!

First, get a bunch of lima bean cookie dough.

Then you can invite your friends over for a cookie -making party and make the

dough into neat shapes.

See?

You can make a snowman, or a cow, or a snake,

or a bigger snake, or Pat Sajak's head.

Hold it! Hold it! You forgot the most important part.

Oh, what's that?

Sprinkling it with dirt?

No, no, no. Once you're finished making them, you've got to wrap it up.

Oh, you know what? A dirt wrapper?

The most important part of food preparation is how you wrap it so it'll

when you want to eat it.

Start out with a layer of saran wrap.

That's to trap the aroma so it won't attract the underground rats.

Interesting. Mm -hmm. And you take another layer of aluminum foil here.

That's to trap the crumbs, keep them from falling out so they won't attract

underground rat.

Next, I got a can of repellent spray here.

That's for the underground rats.

Then there's this metal box here. Oh, let me guess. It's for the underground

rats. No, you potato head. That's for the above ground rats for when they

into the tunnel. Hey, boys.

Hawaii Five -0 here thought the metal box was for the underground rats.

Yeah,

and it's great for the Easter Bunny, too.

All right, that's it. Look.

I've tried to be polite with you guys, but there's only so much I can take. You

drill through my wall, you touch my stuff, you track mud everywhere, and

you have the audacity to tell me I'm not wrapping my food properly?

Hey, hey, hey! Get away from there! What are you... Oh, Harvey.

It's okay. I'll ensure to protect you.

Holy cow, he's touching that rat.

Hamster! Mister, those things are filthy.

What are you, some kind of caveman?

Well, at least I'm not some filthy, foul -mouthed, sooty minor with no manners.

Well, you don't find us cozy enough to vermin, though. Yeah. Oh, now, wait a

minute. How's this?

Oh, my little vermin named Herman, how are you?

Oh, look at me. I'm a minor. I like dirt. I hate clean. I like dirt.

miners ever try to understand each other better so they can get along?

Stick around for the real dirt.

Don't go away. We'll be right back.

And now, back to the show.

Hey, welcome back. And now it's time for everyone's favorite race, Knight versus

Fireman.

We also have some miners in here.

Just try to ignore him.

Okay, on your mark, get set, go!

In

the

future, I'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from gambling in my home. It's

inferior, uncultured form of entertainment.

Inferior? I hate to break it to you, pal, but accordion -based song parodies

aren't exactly the highest form of entertainment either.

You miserable name!

Hey,

do you think you could keep it down a bit? I've got this 24 -hour flu.

Holy smokes! What happened to your walls?

Ask them.

Hey.

I know you.

You're the guy that crashed into the Hood Cave last year.

No, that must have been my evil twin.

Why don't you boys go out and get yourselves a map that isn't 100 years

Exactly. And look at the horrible way they talk and track mud and touch

everything. I'm just glad someone else is here to see it. Easy, Al.

Me, Mike, Dave, and Clarence, we had us a real good time in the cave last year.

Yeah, you might say we had a real hood time.

How could you watch them? They're uncivilized and filthy and crude.

They're just different.

Maybe if you reached out and got to know them, you might actually learn to

appreciate them a little bit.

Anywho,

you better at least stop fighting.

Wake me up again, I'm calling the police.

But, see, you were being stupid.

Well, maybe there's something we can do without having to talk to each other or

look at each other.

I know! TV!

Perfect solution.

I love television.

Today on Phil Fry, the Science Guy, Phil teaches us all about grass.

Woo! Grass is green!

Grass is green!

Grass is green!

Grass is green!

All grass is green!

All grass is green!

That's Phil Fry, the Science Guy, today at noon.

There are certain things we say to each other every day without giving it a

second thought. For instance, you see a friend.

They say, how's it going?

You automatically say, fine.

But when people stop listening to each other, this breaks down.

You've had a hard day. You're distracted, tired.

Your friend says, how's it going? You say, not much.

You've just lost a friend.

Words are powerful.

Think before you speak.

That's right. Stretch it out. Stretch it out.

Stretching is very important. Okay.

Ready for our next exercise.

Now, this one is good for the thighs, the abs, and the uvula. You ready?

All right. Here we go.

And one and two and three and four and one and two and three. Feel the burn.

Work it out. Here we go. That's it. That's it.

Got milk?

Yeah.

Still got milk?

Mm -hmm.

How about you? Got milk?

Uh -huh.

Got any other milk?

Milk.

So, how about now? Got milk?

You got milk now?

Got milk, chump? Don't got so much milk now, do ya?

Got milk.

Oh, hey, that was fun.

Yeah, that was fun. I like that.

Well,

I think you should probably... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, back to work. Back to work.

Back to work. Yeah, a lot of work.

Cheese, cheese, something, something, something.

I like cheese.

Hey, could you do some help with that?

Yeah, right, from you.

Hi, Al.

Hey, look, it's Bobby the Inquisitive Boy.

Al, I got a question.

Where does dirt come from?

I don't know, Bobby, but I can tell you where it goes.

On to them.

Well, Bobby, that is one of the many mysteries of the universe.

But perhaps this short film can help you understand just a little better.

Can you imagine a world without dirt?

It seems like dirt is everywhere.

Chances are there's dirt somewhere underneath you right now.

Many things grow in dirt, like carrots.

Carrots are good to eat.

But you should never eat dirt. It doesn't taste very good and you might

on your uvula.

Dirt is dirty, so if it gets on you, wash it off right away.

Rocks are dirty because they're found in the dirt and they have dirt on them.

Some people like to study rocks.

Whatever. But where does dirt come from?

Scientists have been trying to answer this question for thousands of years.

Most researchers now believe that dirt is actually nothing more than dried up

mud. When mud dries up, it becomes dirt.

And when dirt gets wet, it becomes mud again.

So which came first, dirt or mud?

You might as well ask which came first, water or ice cubes.

It remains one of the mysteries of the universe.

There. Now that was informative, wasn't it? So does that answer your question,

Bobby? No.

Well, thanks for dropping by. See you later.

Say, pal, we fixed your wall for you. Yeah, there was a hole in it.

Oh. We've got to be getting along now. Sorry for any inconvenience.

Oh, that's all right. It was educational.

Well, bye -bye.

Pal,

we've got a little problem.

Could it be that Al and the miners have learned to get along?

Or will a wall come between them?

We'll be right back.

Don't you move!

Hey!

It's time for more of the Weird Also!

Well, looks like these clowns are going to be hanging around for a while longer,

so no need to put you guys through this.

So, I'll let you decide.

Press the red button if you want to see Brad Pitt mud wrestling with Cindy

Crawford, or press the blue button if you want to see a Fat Man cartoon.

Okay, what's it going to be?

Mud wrestling or a dumb cartoon?

What? You want to see a Fat Man cartoon?

What are you people thinking?

Well, all right, if that's what you really want.

Here's Fat Man.

The Adventures of Fat Man!

Gotta work. This has just gotta work.

Come on.

Harvey! I can't figure out how to program the VCR.

Oh, I just like you so much. Big fan.

Big fan.

There. Happy now.

Attention, citizens.

I am the Slawmeister.

Oh, great.

Another supervillain interrupting my regularly scheduled program.

Hey, I read about this guy. He runs the world's largest coleslaw company, and

he's nuts.

At this very moment, I hold the world's fate in the palm of my hand.

Wow, the world's fate looks a lot like a potato. This is actually an ingenious

bomb. It looks, tastes, and smells exactly like a potato.

Huh. And you can find them here at the Dingledorf Potato Salad Factory.

I've planted enough potato bombs throughout the potato inventory to blow

whole building sky high.

Then, with potato salad gone...

Coleslaw will be the world's favorite side dish.

It will finally enjoy its true place in the sun.

Actually, if you put coleslaw in the sun, it'll go bad. Shut up!

Listen, clown, the bombs go off in an hour. And if you think you'll find them

time, you'll have thought the wrong thing.

There's not a moment to lose.

I've got to go and get Mr. Cranky a little pick -me -up bouquet.

What?

Ooh, pink is nice.

Fat man, come on. We've got less than an hour.

All the ones I like are so expensive.

You know, I heard the Slawmeister always leaves a piece of fudge at every crime

scene. Fudge?

I love fudge.

Yeah, you know, I bet it's at the bottom of that potato pile.

There's no time to lose.

Hmm.

Where's my whipped cream?

Fat man, this is no time for... Watch out! Dang way!

Rabid hamster!

No fun?

Somebody else must have gotten here first.

Yeah, what a shame.

Hey, as long as we're here.

Oh, all right.

Just gonna fly these into deep space where the bombs can explode safely.

Back in a sec.

the rest of my life.

And thanks for the bouquet.

How did you know I like pink?

I just had a hunch.

And by the way, fat man, I have to confess, I did fib to you about one

thing. Huh?

Must find fudge!

Darn those underground rats.

Every time we rig a support cable, they chew through it.

I thought you geniuses knew how to keep them away.

Well, you got smart rats.

Ah, lucky me.

Hey, I got an idea.

What's that?

Guacamole? Nope. Uh, we're not hungry.

That's not for you. It's for the rats.

Huh? Well, if your rat deterrent didn't keep them away, maybe this split pea

fudge will.

It actually cleared the rats away.

We'll be able to finish our work in no time.

Bye.

Now, if I can only finish this stupid cheese fond.

Hey, where'd it go?

Say, give me a nap, would you?

Cheese is good.

Cheese is nice.

In a spread or by the slide.

Cheese for me.

Cheese for you.

Rats love cheese.

And hamsters too.

Hey, hey, let's all do it together. Come on, guys.

Cheese is good. Cheese is nice.

In a spread or by the slice.

Cheese for me. Cheese for you.

Rats love cheese and hamsters too.

Cheese, cheese, cheese.

That's got to win a Grammy for sure.

You guys aren't bad.

Hey, where'd you learn to sing like that?

Well, we sing all the time while we're in the tunnel. You know, it's sort of

tradition. How'd you learn to get rats to go away like that?

Well, making repulsive food is kind of my tradition.

Well, thanks to you and your spit pea fudge.

We finally finished your walk.

And thanks to you guys, I was able to finish my cheese song.

I hope we see some royalties.

Thanks a lot, Al. Bye -bye.

When we come back, Harvey the Wonder Hamster will perform one of his famous

stunts, the hamster cannonball.

But before that, let's rejoice.

The miners and Al have gotten past their differences and learned to get along.

Don't go away, or you'll regret it for the rest of...

Did you miss me?

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the hamster cannonball.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the star of the big top, the one, the

Great job!

You the hamster!

And remember, for all you hamsters out there watching, Harvey is a

professionally trained stunt hamster, so please don't try this at home.

So, pal, what did we learn today?

Well, I, for one, learned that dirty, filthy, stinking, disgusting miners

aren't that bad once you get to know them.

Plus, I learned that if you want really fine quality craftsmanship for your

cave, you could do a lot worse, because there's a lot of people out there

that...

Like a surgeon, ooh, like a surgeon, when

I reach inside with my scalpel and my forceps

and retractors.