Original subtitles

I'm sorry to drag you all up, I've got to show you this. You ready? You ready

for this?

Look.

Bathroom, look.

Two sinks, his and hers.

Look at that. Marble.

Beautiful.

And come into the lounge.

You may.

Look at this.

Look.

Pictures,

Jesus -y things, fitted wardrobes.

Isn't that lovely?

And, top it all, top it all.

We're on three.

The good God.

I'm just getting all the fingerprints up. It was smudgy, wasn't it?

It's the public who just need to touch.

He likes all the fingerprints around Sir as well.

You know you've arrived when you put your photo up at the BBC.

It doesn't get any better than that, really, does it?

On the eve of the police operation in Spain, the BBC had some last -minute

advice.

Well, we've done 11 episodes so far, and I haven't loved one of them, Jim.

This is your last big chance, isn't it?

When you say big, I hope you mean big.

What we in BBC Entertainment mean by big, Jim. When we say big, we mean big.

Big, big. This is big.

Big. Big as it gets.

Bigger. The people that we're going after, we are actually going to rid

Europe of some very, very unsavoury characters.

And low budget.

And it's a low budget.

We've been building up now, getting ready for Operation Zorro in Spain.

We're all ready for it. We're finely tuned. We're a lean, mean fighting

again. And that's what's going to come over on TV.

You're going to love it.

I promise.

Keep to budget, but I want to see it before it gets into...

I'll bring it back to you. I'd like to meet you.

You'll have to get an equity ticket next, won't you?

OK, gentlemen, the water is lovely.

Now, what we've got here is a recovery from the seabed of drugs situation.

Down here, some five metres, about 15 feet, is a simulated drugs package,

I'm going to recover, OK?

Be careful.

Right.

Okay.

Now I'm going to submerge myself.

One, two, three, go.

No, good try again.

It's not going under, is it?

No, be brave. Two for it.

I'll tell you what I'll do, sir. Don't get down.

I'll use your weight. What?

That's me. Hold on the end of the black rope. Wrap it round your wrist. Right.

OK? Help you go under. OK? Everyone clear?

Sure. OK.

Good luck. Don't let go now!

Stop! Stop!

Someone go in after him, for God's sake! Who's going to go in?

It must be near you. It's been down for two minutes!

Stop! Call the police!

Call the Coast Guard now!

Coast Guard! Coast Guard!

Sir!

Don't die!

Please! Help me!

It wasn't a mess at all, which is one of these things that happens.

I had the weight to bring me down, it caught on my watch strap, took me

underneath the water.

But I've had sufficient training enough to disentangle myself from these

situations. Admittedly, six minutes elapsed.

I was merely teaching the men how to recover drugs from the seabed.

And I think they're a bit the wiser for my knowledge now.

See for miles and miles and miles up here.

Show me about the old pilots here.

Oh, look at this as well. See this?

It's downstairs.

It's sat like this.

But we use it for a parasol.

It's only midday, son. It's nothing.

It's only a wick that you've just done.

Oh, let's see. If you stretch out right over there so that you can see.

Oh, you can see. Building size. Well, we don't want to do that, do we?

No, no. No, Ray, don't do that. I've got continental skin. I go brown

immediately. I don't need this horrible stuff.

This is looking terrible, isn't it? It looks like we're on holiday. Well, we're

not. I promise you, we're here to do serious police work.

I bet you're going to bananas, sir, aren't you?

Cheeky boy.

Come on.

you've heard this before, but I've got to say it again.

This is not a holiday.

You're here to do serious police work. We may be sitting in the most majestic

palatial room here with Buena Vistas surrounding us, but we are here to do

serious police work. Come here.

All right, come on, let's focus our minds, shall we?

This is not a bloody holiday.

This is Operation Zorro.

The most serious day of your lives is tomorrow.

Later.

What's all this about jacuzzis and minibars?

That place sounds like it's a palace.

It can't be. I want to see Desard's room and I want to see it now.

Do you understand me? I want to see that f***ing room now.

Now. Do you understand?

Sort it out.

I can assure you they're all the same.

I promise you. There you go.

I've got the bath room there with the jacuzzi. I've got the mini bath over

there.

Look at me.

Looking good, Will.

A bit gorgeous.

How's that for you?

It's ridiculous, Roy. I mean, this room is so small. I can actually sit up in

bed and have a wash at the same time.

I'm a little bit anxious. You wouldn't put a dog in here.

Would you, mate?

No, sir.

Yeah. And Bill from DeSalle, Sergeant DeSalle's place, is bigger.

They've got a barbecue there.

But the grill on the barbecue is bigger than my room.

It's not our policy to change rooms.

And anyway, Ray did ask for that room. What was the word? Was there

ostentatious? Do you want to be ostentatious? What was the word?

Rusty. Rusty.

He asked for it. I thought you'd like it.

You are a fucking idiot.

I can't believe that you actually asked for that poxy little room.

It's because of your stupidity.

That room is ruining my holiday.

Sorry. God. Sorry.

There's a knife truck. No problem. The sauna's out the back and the billy

broom's to the left. Yeah, we found them all. And the jacuzzi.

Jacuzzi's the best one.

Jacuzzi and champagne.

Yeah, cool. Have a great time.

Thanks.

So champagne then, William.

Champagne. Definitely. We need champagne.

Now, look, if you can't get things right, that's where you sleep. I just

What, in the bath?

Yes, in the bath. Not on the floor. I don't know. I want you in there.

Now. All right. When you're as uncomfortable as possible, can I have a

something? No, that's fine.

All right.

It's not a pillow.

Sir. The toilet's all blocked up. It really smells.

Sir.

It's freaking me gay.

Well, gentlemen, so you're all familiar with, I'm sure, the southern coastline

of Spain. Yeah, that's clever.

Look at that.

Matches up perfect.

No, it bloody doesn't. It does. It does not. It does. We've got the sea going

straight into the land here.

Get me a drink. Come on. It's coming.

Give me a screaming orgasm now. Come in.

All right.

Here you go. Thank you.

Thank you.

I've really been careful. You mind your own business.

Okay, let's go on to the tactical map now.

We have, as you can see, main road, side road.

Thank you.

Plungy arsehole. Oh, yeah.

Is that big enough?

Let's shift it, won't we?

Well, I've never done it.

Oh, love.

These are very serious men. They're very focused on their job, and they're going

to do a very good job. I'm absolutely convinced of it.

One word with you guys.

On this job, there's going to be no slacking.

I want 100 % of yourselves, 100 % of the time. Is that clear?

Is that the OP?

Yep, and the RV's here.

Now, what we're going to do is, me and Bill are going to take area A.

Strings, you're with Mark, and you're going to take area B.

Bones, you'll take area B, OK?

All right.

This is not a bino. These are very focused men. They've got a serious job

and they're going to do it. Trust me. I think this is going to be a real

television history event.

Trust me, please.

We've got the country at sand.

Let's bring out the band.

Have a drink in each hand.

Make love till dawn, till the dawn of a new day.

D .I. Beach has suffered severe sunburn to 50 % of his body.

Wait,

I can allow myself to look like this.

My skin is dropping off, don't you understand?

You've signed a contract.

Don't contract up your f***ing arse, Hugo.

Don't upset him, right? He's going through enough.

What about Operation Zorro? Forget about Operation Zorro for now.

I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry.

Yeah, because, I mean, at the end of the day, you know, swimming pools are nice,

but it's just too synthetic.

to me i know what you're saying all the chlorine and all that just look this is

this is like earthly just sitting on a beach natural sand sea salt is quite

for you you know and all that you know cleansing so i like as well about the

spanish they they're so chilled out they just do you know you can go nude here

don't you can you

It's very sedative.

I am an injured in action, if you will. But my men, on the other hand, are

training as operations are and giving 110%. Just look, look.

I've only been better than I need.

I'm just completely chilled out about it.

Something I've never done. I've always wanted to do it, though.

Look, no -one's looking, look.

No -one's bothered.

Oh, yes.

It's great, isn't it?

It's laughing.

It's over.

But you do find that ironic because...

I mean, they're all reverting back to 442, but in Europe, they're playing 442.

I'm an English policeman.

We're police.

It's no problem.

What are you doing? What are you doing with him?

Oi!

Oi, calm down!

Oi, all right, no problem.

Oi!

Oi, man! Oi!

Listen, man, it's no problem. All right. It's all right, mate.

Look, no problem, mate. No understandio.

No understandio.

No understandio. Me too, pleaseio.

It's unbelievable.

Mark, do us a favour, mate, but you can't get someone. This is ridiculous.

Mark, don't get someone. I ain't joking, mate.

This is ridiculous.

Get the chart as near to the door as you can.

Just get the chart as near to the door as you can.

I can't see, mate.

Sorry, sir? I can't see the chart.

Because you can't see the chart.

So, lift it up, yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

Can you take it higher to the left? Can you take it higher to the left? So, mind

that loofah.

This way?

What's he saying?

That's perfect.

That's perfect.

Bones and Mark have been charged with indecent exposure, a charge which

the maximum sentence of two years.

Come in, lads.

Come in.

Just look, I was explaining, the governor's feeling fine now. He's having

little shower.

All the blisters have burst on his tongue, so he'll be fine, all right?

Listen,

that's not the point, all right? That's been done, all right?

We have got to get out of here, all right?

Well, I've... I've told a few strings, but there is a price to be paid, madam.

You'll have to return it. You'll have to return it. Return? What do you mean,

return? I prosecute you. You've got to go through the legal system.

I thought that you had seen the story.

I've spoken to the British ambassador and they want to make an example of you.

mean, it's not the pleasure page, really. I mean, it's only me that's on

page. So, I'll be waiting. Do you want to drink the water?

Lovely, yes.

Yeah, it's going.

Apparently.

What's happening here?

Every time you turn that f***ing tap on, I get burnt.

I'm sorry. I didn't know.

I'm f***ing up. I didn't realise. Get down out of here. Sorry.

I didn't realise. Who would have known that?

Look, I'll do me best.

Where's that happy on?

He's incapacitated.

Don't insult me by trying to bribe me.

I'll do my best.

Operation Zorro is the biggest operation of its kind.

It involves elite forces from various nations.

What is it? What are you doing?

Sorry, I thought we were a leaf.

You've started it now, haven't you?

Sir.

Are you okay?

I will be when I get this.

Oh,

it's all flaky, right? I'm sorry, sir. I thought it was a leaf or something.

Oh, dear.

I suppose it'd be better, though, if you get it all off now. It's cheap. It's a

nice new fresh skin underneath.

That's it.

Snakes do that as well, sir, you know.

Bail terms have been negotiated.

with the provider that Spanish police officers accompany Mark and Bone at all

times.

Listen, my uncle is a commissioner in the police force. Where are you taking

Mark, I'm not being funny. Can you speak Spanish?

Can you speak Spanish? Why is no one here?

I'm saying a joke. Can you speak Spanish? No one knows where we are.

Just tell him, right? Just tell him if they take the handcuffs off, we're going

to get a cab. We don't want a lift back or anything. We just want to go home,

all right?

Gentlemen,

the day has arrived, the day we've all been waiting for.

training for.

Admittedly, we might not, some of us, scored as highly in the training for

operation as others, but I'm not going to harbour any prejudices.

Ray may have held me back a little way, but that's by the by.

It's all blood under the bridge now.

Today is the important day, Operation Zorro.

When Winston Churchill said, never have so many owned so much to so few, he

could have been talking about us, you know. He really could. We are the chosen

few. You can be very, very proud of yourselves today.

For a lot of officers, this would be the pinnacle of their career.

I know it's not the case with you.

I've got to know you all very well, as officers, as friends, as men.

I love you very much.

I love you as if you were my own children.

All I want you to do today is to focus your mind, summon the blood,

stiffen the sinews and cry, God for Harry, England and St George!

The operation is finally going ahead and I'm convinced it's going to be a big

one.

You're going to be very, very pleased.

Hey Nick, how you doing?

Good, what are you doing mate?

Nothing.

You've got to change it, does he?

Can you sort of grab on as well?

We're living in a dog camp.

Do you want it? Yeah.

Um, yeah, let's make it.

Yes, yes!

Operation Zorro.

We'll just hit the deck, yeah.

Beside, Phil, come on.

Right, come on, lift it up real, put it away, like a swimmer.

Alright, and we're done.

After weeks of retraining for Operation Zorro, the promise of a huge spectacle

has turned into a damp squib.

The BBC are not pleased.

It didn't quite turn out as I expected it would, but I'm still convinced with

just a little bit of manipulation we can still deliver you the show that I

promised I would.

I'm fairly sure of that.

Bloody BBC aren't happy with Operation Zorro. Not enough action in it, they

We've put our lives on the line, you know. We risk our lives and they're not

happy with it. It's reality.

Well, I'll direct the next one.

I'll make sure the bloody camera's in the right place this time.

I'll direct this recreation authentically.

OK? I'll even fund it myself if necessary.

I certainly chuck more money in than they do.

Bastards.

The area looks clear.

I feel danger.

Is chewing the cigar a signal?

Don't know, but it sure is loud.

He must be the bad guy. Dance for your life.

Dance. Dance quickly.

My tootsies.

That's one bad guy.

Oh, that mini -pimp.

I'm going in.

Okay, Sparge, but watch your back, though.

Oh, these bloody explosions.

Make smoke now.

Smoke. Smoke.

Take that, you.

Never get that stain out.

What a noise in here, sorry.

Curtain for you. No, no, a knife.

Stick around.

Friends, we need backup now.

Come on. I have

you. I have you now, you stinking pig.

I'm dead.

Bullseye. Ray, today's a good day to die.

Put it there, sir.

Grenades? Why not?

I feel the same reaction to parts of that, Alan, that you're having now.

are parts of it I couldn't look at and still can't. No.

But that recreation is exactly as I remember it, that recreation.

We're taking nothing away. That's it. What's normal.

Come in, Cameron.

Come in here for a second. I just want to explain why we're all standing here

the moment.

And it's because we've been given a bit of leave after Operation Zorro to

recover from that.

We've got a bit of leave.

Due to his... No, no, no, no.

My uncle. Remember he said we was incompetent tosh?

Holiday, Mark. We're on holiday at the moment.

No, we were sex, sir. On holiday! At the moment.

You can cut that.

Thanks, sir. It's been a pleasure.

Great.

Take that.

That's it.

End of an era, I suppose.

I'll be glad at the break, actually.

Operation Good Guys was disbanded for the second time.

Each of the team was suspended indefinitely without pay.

We only get you.