Original subtitles

Oye, por ahí viene Vilkovsky, oyele!

Kenny, the girls will be ready in just a few minutes.

Good, Mr. Suxtable. Why don't you have a seat?

No, if I sit down, my suit will get wrinkled.

Well, do you plan to stand up all day?

No, just until Rudy sees me.

Oh, I see. Okay, well, let me fix your tie here.

Oh, look.

Well, don't we look beautiful?

Thank you.

And what about Kenny?

What about him?

Thank you. Now I can sit down.

Hey, we're all ready to go?

Yes. All right, good. Daddy, where are you taking us for lunch? I'm keeping it

secret, but all I can tell you is you're going to have one of the finest

culinary experiences of your very short lives. Oh, you look

very handsome.

Well, thank you, Morgan.

Do you like desserts?

Yes. Then you get two.

Yes, sir. You look very, very handsome.

Well, then you get three desserts.

Me too.

And you're going to get 12.

Daddy, you're the most handsomest man in the world.

Oh, you're just saying that because you want 32 desserts.

I'm not.

You lie.

No, she's not. You're looking pretty smooth.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to a very, very fine restaurant this

afternoon. And I want all of you to behave like young ladies and gentle man.

Well, that means we will not act like heathens.

No heathens.

No heathens.

And we will not act like mad dogs when the bread comes.

Loud already.

No, Vanessa, I'm gonna relax. This is Saturday, the only day I can really

unwind.

Would you like to do me a really big favor?

No. Oh, come on, Phil, you owe me a favor.

Remember the time when you wanted to buy that yo -yo that lights up in the dark?

I was the one who lent you that 75 cents.

That was three years ago, Vanessa.

And I paid you back, remember?

Oh, right.

Well, haven't I done a favor for you since then?

No.

But let me hear what it is anyway.

I want you to teach me how to play tennis.

Vanessa, you hate tennis.

Oh, that's what I thought until I met Edwin Slagle.

Oh, Edwin Slagle. Is this the new guy?

Not a new guy. The guy.

See, I was behind him in the lunch line yesterday, and I overheard him say that

he liked to play tennis.

So I thought if I improved my game, I could be his partner.

Vanessa, I've seen your tennis game.

You can kiss Edwin Slagle goodbye.

coordinated and you look fabulous in tennis shorts are you trying to flatter

yes well it worked i'll give you a few pointers and i wasn't kidding about how

good you look in tennis shorts thanks one more thing do you think you could

me a good tennis player in one day vanessa when i finish giving you tennis

lessons you're going to be mrs edwin's lego

Good afternoon. Welcome to Port -au -Prince Restaurant.

Thank you. Do you have a reservation?

Oh, yes. Dr.

Huxtable, thank you. Yes, your table will be ready in a second. All right.

Wow, this place is really fancy.

They have tablecloths.

I bet if you steal something, they get mad.

I bet they throw you out.

Dr. Huxtable? Yes, sir. Can I talk to you alone, man -to -man?

Yeah, okay. We'll be right back. Step in my office there.

Uh, what can I do for you, son?

Well, I can see this place looks like it costs a lot of money.

Yeah, but I got this covered.

Well, I wanted to know if I could pay for me and Rudy.

You're kidding.

Yeah, my brother said you should always pay when you take out a date.

Well, well, how much money have you?

A dollar and three pennies.

All right, give it to me.

Not now.

Wait until the bill comes so Rudy can see me.

She'll see you. Come on, boy.

Without mantle.

That's right.

Thank you. Thank you. Table's ready. Wow, look! That's what I want. I want

of those. No, no, that's not the table.

That isn't the table. Come back. Daddy, can we have that now? Please, please.

You're very handsome. Sit down.

Sit down. I don't want to hear that handsome stuff. Sit down. Thank you very

much. Thank you, Kenny.

You're welcome.

Well, each fork is for a different course.

Do I have to use both of them?

No, you don't. Good, because I like this tall one the best. All right.

I'll trade you my tall one for your small one. Okay. I'll trade you my food

your plate.

No, no, no, no.

There we go. Nice hot bread.

Yes!

Don't you ever feed these children?

Raising wild dogs.

Oh.

I'll get you some more bread. Please, thank you.

Hi, Claire.

Hi, what are you doing here? Well, you're always saying how your little

should drop by more often, so here I am. Well, I'm glad you're here. You don't

mind having company?

No, not at all.

It's okay, girls. Come in.

Samantha. Hi, good to see you. Hi. How y 'all doing?

I haven't seen you two in a while. Well, you would if you came down to the

health club more often.

Samantha, don't bother me. I've been very busy. I hope we're not intruding.

Well, no, I was working, but this is a great excuse to stop. You should have

seen us at the club pounding these bodies into shape. And we were tired,

and thirsty and had no place to go. And Sarah said, let's go bother my sister

Claire. Well, welcome one and all. What can I get for you? Nothing. We brought

our own.

Great. Come on into the kitchen.

I'll get some plates. Claire don't walk so fast. My legs are killing me. You're

not the only one. My thighs are so sore, they're begging for mercy.

You're under the sun, and you're not allowed to be sore. Oh, Sam, nobody's in

the shape you're in. You play racquetball three times a week against

You do?

Well, there's this one gentleman from the office that I play against, and I

didn't want to, but Claire, he challenged me. And, girl, you know I had

accept. He is sorry he ever did that. You should see her play. She's

devastating. Do tell, do tell. Well, I don't always... wins.

Only three out of the last four matches.

And he's still playing you? He's just trying to get even. And the harder he

tries, the worse he does.

Everybody from the club comes down to watch some play. You should hear the

crowd, Claire.

When the guy makes a good shot, the men cheer.

When Sam scores a point, the women go wild.

I'm gonna have to come down and see this. Oh, you should. You know, the last

time we played...

I was one point from winning, and suddenly he gets this mysterious injury

starts limping. He turns to me and says, well, since we can't finish the game,

it's not official.

You can't blame him. After all, he's only a man.

All right, would you look at this menu. It has everything you ever wanted to

eat. Dr. Hexler, what's this?

This is duck with orange sauce.

Duck?

They take the feathers off. What about the face?

I can never eat a duck face.

All right, forget the duck, okay?

Dr. Huxel. Yes, dear? Are sweetbreads really sweet?

Forget the sweetbreads.

What are you doing, dear?

I'm a baby duck.

Hello.

How's the spine -looking table doing? Fine.

Oh, what's everybody doing here today? Is it someone's birthday?

No. My dad just said he was trying to take all of us out for lunch. Oh, your

is a brave man.

Yes, and I'm afraid I need your support.

I'll keep you covered. Thank you.

Now, is everyone ready to order?

Yes.

But don't give her any food because she doesn't have any teeth. Yes, I do.

I know what I want.

You do?

Yeah, my brother told me how to order.

Hit it.

First, I would like an appetizer. Then soup.

Then salad.

And then I'll have the main course. And after that, dessert. Thank you very

much.

Now we have some delicious chicken. A fish.

Hamburger.

No, no, no. We're not going to sit in this restaurant and order hamburgers.

is a very special restaurant. This is a very special luncheon we're having. Now,

wouldn't you rather have something you don't usually have?

Hamburgers!

Sir, may I recommend the hamburgers?

But you don't have hamburgers. Oh, yes, sir.

You have hamburgers? Yes.

Oh, well, then hamburgers all the way around.

Hamburgers and fries for everyone.

Yes, indeed.

Nothing like a good tasty salad with asparagus to get the taste buds ready

the hamburgers!

Daddy, what's this?

Oh, that's an artichoke heart. A heart?

Ew!

No, that's the heart of a vegetable.

Vegetable? Ew!

Dr. Oxable? Yes, sir.

That's a crouton.

What's that?

Toasted bread, and they cut it up into little pieces like that.

Oh, it's nice.

I know toasted bread, but not this.

Dr.

Hensel? Yes, dear? Is this a beet?

Yes, that's a yummy beet.

I can't eat beets. It's on my list.

Oh, you have a list?

Yeah. May I see it?

Foods that Beth must not have.

Beets. Well, there they are.

If I eat them, my eyes will swell shut.

Morgan, do you have a list? No, but I cannot eat olives.

There are olives in your salad. Did you eat any?

Yes, but I feel good so far.

Dr. Do? Yes, sir. I don't have a list.

But I do know that I'm not going to eat krautens.

I see.

All right. You take the krautens out of your salad and put them in the bowl over

there. You take the beets and put them in this bowl here.

Now, Morgan, take the olives out. Don't eat any more. But if you feel the other

olives kick in, let me know.

Remember Samantha and Glenda? Yeah, hi.

Okay, so how was the tennis?

Theo was hilarious.

Cut it out, Vanessa.

Well, what happened?

Nothing.

Theo was giving me a tennis lesson when these two good -looking girls asked us

to play doubles. That was the end of my lesson.

I only did it because I figured it would improve Vanessa's game to play with

some older girls.

I hardly played. Theo got all macho on me. He ran around... the court swinging

at every ball they hit to her.

Sound familiar, Sam?

Absolutely. So, Theo, were the young ladies impressed?

Well, I don't know. I wasn't trying to impress them.

Mom, halfway through the match, Theo called Ty Mountain and said, man, it's

out here. Then he took off his shirt and started to do stretching exercises.

Aunt Sarah, are you making fun of me? No.

Let's get to the important thing. Did you get their phone numbers?

Oh, yeah.

But only because they want tennis lessons. Oh, please.

I'm going upstairs to take a shower. Goodbye, everybody. Bye, Vanessa.

Well,

it was hot out there.

I had to let my skin breathe.

I was about to faint out there. Oh, I'm sure you were.

Mom, would it be impolite if I turned and ran out of here?

No. Thank you. Goodbye, everyone.

Bye, dear.

Oh,

Claire, you got a good one there. I agree.

Yeah, and he's going to be even better once he learns to stop trying so hard to

impress the young ladies.

Dr. Stable? Yes, sir?

What's green and slimy and has 100 legs?

I don't know.

I don't know either, but it's crawling on your shirt.

Good one, Kitty.

That's a good one.

Daddy, why is it taking so long for the hamburgers? We ordered a hundred years

ago. I know, dear. But good things take a while.

Is there a playground out back?

No, I don't think so.

Where are you going, dear?

I dropped my napkin. Let me help you.

I'll help you. No, listen. Wait. No.

Is this wonderful?

Oh, boy. Oh,

B -O -Y.

And here you are, sir. Thank you, sir.

Okay. Boy, look at this. Isn't this wonderful?

What's the matter?

They're too big.

These are double smash -a -roonie. These are two -handed.

fellas. Just pick them up with two hands. Come on, and do it. I've never

hamburger like this before.

Me neither.

Why didn't they give us a bun?

Because this is a gourmet restaurant. See, this is toast.

Like Krautens, right?

No, Kenny, this is toast. See, son, this is a gourmet hamburger.

Daddy? Yes, dear?

These aren't french fries. Yes, they are french fries.

Mine still has skin on it. Hey, my fine -looking table done looked so fine.

Is everything all right?

Sir, could I have a private conversation with you? Certainly.

My compliments to the chef.

But... The children are not used to these hamburgers. I understand. They're

big. Right.

So if you would take everything back and take the French fries.

Have them big, long, thin, light.

Please. And take the burger and... Cover them with ketchup, mustard, and

pickles. Put them between the bun and mash them real tight.

Yes. Yes. No problem. I understand exactly what you mean. I have three

myself. They don't like to eat here either.

Let's go.

Okay. All right, let's get ready. Hey, we made a mistake. We made a mistake.

Where's Rudy?

I gave her away.

You did not.

No, I dropped her off at Beth's house.

Dear, I am never going to take out little children any place to eat as long

can live.

When did they start giving balloons away at the Port -au -Prince restaurant?

This is not from Port -au -Prince. This is from a circus burger.

A circus burger?

No. We went to Port -au -Prince. The children didn't want to eat the duck

So... I ordered hamburgers. The hamburgers came with toast. They said,

And then the potatoes were thick and they said, ew.

So this wonderful waiter ran across the street to Circus Burger.

Came back with four Circus Burger burgers.

And the children ate and had a ball.

So what's in this bag?

These are Deported Prince.

Hamburgers. This is disgusting.

Hamburgers have ketchup, mustard, lettuce, tomatoes, mayonnaise, and

fries mashed together?

Yes.

Why did you bring this home?

Well, I just brought him home, I guess, you know.

I put him in the freezer and maybe one of the kids will want one for a snack or

something. Cliff, you were going to eat this yourself.

No, no, no.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, how you doing, son?

Great balloon.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

What's in the bag?

Some burgers from Port -au -Prince.

Oh, can I take a look?

Yes.

Whoa!

Can I have these?

Yes. All right.

Hey, Tom, let me talk to you for a second.

What? What? I told you to sit down.

Oh. Come on.

Now give me your feet.

Oh. Put your little feet up here.

Oh. And let me relieve you of your antenna.

No, you can't take my antenna away from me. These balloons cost me $140.

You know what I would really like, though?

What? I need a nap. I just want a nap right here. All right.

Thank you. I'll take my work upstairs so I don't disturb you. Thank you, dear.

And, darling?

Yes? I love you.

I love you, too.

I'm going to make sure that no one disturbs you. Okay.

And you have a nice nap. Thank you, dear.

Hey, Dad.

Do you love your father?

Yeah. I mean, do you really care about your father?

Yeah, Dad.

Then if you really care about your father, would you give your father one

those burgers, please?

I can't do that.

You don't have to worry. Your mother is upstairs.

So let me have a burger.

Dad, that's not it.

I ate them all.

Boy, you ate four burgers in 40 seconds?

I was hungry.

What happened to the fries?

I ate those, too.

You ate the fries in 40 seconds?

I'm sorry, Dad.

But I still really, truly care about you.

Thank you. Oh, and Dad? Yeah.

The Cosby Show is taped before a studio audience.