Original subtitles

Oye, por ahí viene Bill Cosby. Oye, ¿eh?

Rudy, how many times do I have to tell you? You can't move sideways.

Why not?

Because it's a rule.

I don't like that rule.

Rudy, it doesn't matter whether you like it or not.

Now, you asked me to teach you checkers. You're going to have to play by the

rules and do what I tell you, okay?

Okay. Take back your move and move again.

No fair. Give those back. They're mine.

Rudy, that was a legal move, and that's another thing.

You can't yell every time I jump your men.

You have to learn to be a good loser.

What's that?

Are you guys almost finished?

Almost. Well, could you sort of hurry up? I've got two people coming over.

Believe me, this won't take long.

Get moving, Rudy.

Wait, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. I win!

No, no, let me tell you, Rudy. You're not playing Bobby.

I won! I won!

Hey!

What is the trouble?

No,

no, no, no, no. Hey, wait.

One at a time now. Dad, I need to use the living room. Two girls from the pep

squad are coming over, and they want me to help them write new tears.

Well, why don't you take them up to your room?

Because it's not big enough.

We need a lot of room to practice.

Dad, these are the two most popular girls in the eighth grade. If I get on

pep squad, it could change my life.

Please take the stuff upstairs so that your sister can change her life.

Or we could not play it off.

Theo, you promised to teach me.

Come on, Dad. You must have something for me to do.

Afraid not, old boy.

Wait, Rudy, I was winning.

Now we have to start all over again.

I guess that's right.

I will make this up to you. Yes, I know you will.

Well, Dad.

Well, Vanessa.

Dad, aren't you going to go back to answer your office?

And miss the opportunity of meeting the two most popular girls in Israel?

Dad, please don't embarrass me in front of these girls. Don't act silly like you

usually do.

Well, I try to control myself, but...

I mean, I do know something about cheers, and I could help with the

Two bits, four bits, six bits a dollar, clean my shirt, and don't forget the

collar. Hey, now.

Dad, listen to him. No, please.

No, no, I'll just let him in, all right?

Okay?

No rhyming?

You don't have to worry. I'll be in a hurry. Yeah.

I told you I could rhyme. I do it all the time.

Welcome to the zoo.

Hi. Hi. My dad likes to joke around.

All over town, jokes around.

Dad, this is Paula Young and this is Cindy Stevens.

How do you do? I'm Dr. Huxtapoo.

Nice to meet you.

Well, I hear that you guys are on the pep squad.

Yes, we're the captain.

Well, pardon me. I have to get my hat. I won't be able to chat.

But if you need some cheers, just see me downstairs.

Hey, now.

Bye,

Dad.

She's very funny. Is he like that all the time? I had nothing to do with it. I

tried to get rid of him.

And that's it. This is a beautiful house.

You really like it? Yeah.

Well, thank you.

This painting, I saw it in a book.

Well, my mother bought it at an auction.

I bet it was expensive.

Yeah, $11 ,000.

$11 ,000?

Well, you know, my mom really wanted it. It's painted by her great uncle, and my

parents both love art.

Would you like to see the rest of the house? Yeah. I'd love it. Well, come on.

I'll show you all the upstairs bedrooms, except for my brother Theo's. No one

outside the family is allowed to see it.

Cliff, what are you doing? I'm looking for the remote to the TV stand.

Why don't you just go over to the television and turn it on? Because after

turn it on, I don't want to get up and walk back over to it and get down and

back up and walk over to it to change the channel.

You are hopeless.

I found you, little buddy.

Where have you been?

Could you turn it back to the cooking?

Nancy's cooking.

So... Maybe he needs new batteries.

Come on. Come on. He doesn't need new batteries. I just put new batteries in

I'm going to have to get up and go over there and turn that channel with your

bare hands. No, not either.

I'll go down to Jake's Appliance Store and buy a brand new one. Just a minute.

You are an electronic gadget junkie.

And Jake's Appliance Store is really not a good place for a man like you.

I am going to go down to the store and buy a remote, and that's it.

Yeah, I know, honey. You say that now, but see, once you get down there...

Those gadgets are going to be sitting on the shelves looking at you, and they're

going to call and beckon, Cliff, Cliff, come over here and buy me.

Buy me, buy me. If you take me home, I'll light up just for you.

I'm going to go down and buy a simple remote control and maybe a satellite

speak with Jake, please?

Hi, Jake.

This is Claire Huxtable.

That's right, Cliff's wife.

Well, he's on his way down to your store right now.

Jake, don't get excited.

No, no, no, no, no. I don't care. No matter what he asks for, I want you to

him only a simple, basic remote control.

I'm thinking so long. I'm thinking.

You want me to help?

No, I don't.

You could move there.

Rudy, if I moved there, you would double jump me. Maybe I would. Maybe I

wouldn't.

King me!

King me! King me!

Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy.

You're worse than Dad when you win. You know that, don't you? Come on, move

again. How'd you get so good so fast?

Because I have a good teacher.

Vanessa, the person I wanted to see. Oh, wow.

I don't want to play checkers with Rudy.

Please? I can't. I have to write some chairs tonight.

Paula and Cindy put me on the pep squad.

I'll write your chairs if you play checkers with Rudy. No, Theo. I want to

with you because you're more fun to be.

Bye. Have fun.

Whose move is it?

Yours.

Theo? Yes?

Honey, could you come here, please?

Gladly. Gotta go, Rudy.

You're coming back?

Yes. I'll be waiting.

Yeah, Mom?

I found this on the coffee table. This is your handwriting, isn't it? Yes.

Honey, what does it say?

I'm sorry, Mom. Rudy was pulling on my arm. It says Jake called emergency, but

everything's okay.

What's okay?

Dad is.

Jake said when he got to the store, he wanted to buy everything you saw, but

Jake wouldn't let him. Good old Jake.

Then, he said, Dad started begging and pleading.

He was offering to pay regular prices for the stuff on sale.

Hello. Hey, Dad.

How'd the shopping go?

Well, I got exactly what I was going to get.

A simple, basic remote control.

No more, no less, my dear.

You didn't see anything else that interested you?

No, but you know those guys.

At Jake's, man, they try to shove all kinds of things and push stuff at you.

I told him, I said, man, get those gadgets out of my face.

How do you do it, Dad?

Son, you have to have an inner strength.

And it comes with age and maturity.

I'm going to have to remember that, Dad.

So you weren't tempted at all?

No, no. I walked in. I said, give me the simplest remote you have. Put the money

down. Bam!

Walked out.

Jake called.

Jake who?

Jake from the appliance store.

According to him, there was a man in the store who looked just like you who was

begging the salespeople to sell him anything.

Jake said that? Yeah, and he said the guy was offering to pay regular prices

those things on sale.

I saw the guy.

And he was wandering around the store.

I went over and talked to him because I felt sorry for him.

Wasn't he?

No, it wasn't me. It was a guy that looked like me.

As a matter of fact, I pulled him aside.

And I said, what seems to be the problem? So he started telling me about

had this very wicked wife.

Who had called ahead and told everybody in the store not to sell him anything.

So then he started to cry, you know.

And I said, well, you really shouldn't cry. I said, what you should do is go to

another store where your wife doesn't know anything about it, see.

And you know what?

He did.

I forgot batteries there, Usters. Will you all excuse me? Wait, wait. One

moment. Right there. I want to know what did this man buy.

Oh, he went out and he bought a lot of stuff.

It's in the trunk of his car.

Charged it all to his wife's credit card.

Hey, Vanessa.

How was school?

Not good.

What happened to you?

Nothing. Where is Mom and Dad?

They went to the golf course with Rudy. They'll be back.

Were you playing football?

No, I was in a fight.

What? Where?

At school.

Vanessa, come on. Tell me about this. I want to hear this.

Vanessa, come on. You have to tell me about this. You actually got into a

Yes. With who?

These two girls.

Two? Whoa.

Who were they?

Two girls from the Pepsi. You got into a fight your first day on the pep squad?

Yeah, right before the first meeting.

Whoa, that's gotta be a school record.

It wasn't my fault.

They called me a name.

They did?

What'd they call you?

Rich girl.

Okay. What do you mean, okay? They called me rich girl in front of

You fought over that? Vanessa, that's stupid.

No, it's not. Vanessa, I would love for someone to call me rich.

especially in front of Maxine Kirkwood.

I beat that for life.

I got to talk to Mom and Dad about this.

You're actually going to tell Mom and Dad you're in a fight?

Well, sure. It's their fault.

They're the ones who made us rich.

Vanessa, did you fall on your head?

Can I have you say, Theo, time for checkers? No.

No, Rudy, I think we've played enough.

Okay, one game.

Rudy, where are Mom and Dad?

In the kitchen.

Go talk to them.

What happened to her?

She fell on her head.

Thank you, Dee. You're welcome.

Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you. Vanessa, what happened to you? I was in

fight. A fight?

Did you win?

Vanessa, what happened?

Two girls at school were picking on me.

What did they do to you?

They called me a rich girl.

And? When Paul and Cindy were over here yesterday, I showed them the house.

And then today at the pep squad meeting, they told two other girls, Linda and

Darnella, about all the nice things we have.

Linda and Darnella said that anyone who would pay $11 ,000 for a painting is a

show -off. How do they know how much we paid for the painting?

Well, when Paul and Cindy asked, I told them. How did you do that?

They were interested.

And they're on the pep squad, and I like them a lot. And you wanted them to like

you.

Well, yeah.

But Paul and Cindy didn't start the fight. It's not their fault.

Linda and Daniella were the ones who said, I think I'm better than everybody

else. I tried to explain why we bought the painting, and then they started

saying nasty things like stuck -up rich girl.

I told them they better not say it again, and the next thing I know, we're

rolling around on the floor.

You took both of them on?

Well, I didn't mean to. It just happened.

All right.

Mr. Morris pulled us apart and made us apologize and shake hands.

If Mr. Morris hadn't stopped, do you think he'd beat both of them?

Paula and Cindy were the ones who got me on the pep squad.

After this, they won't want to talk to me anymore.

None of this would have happened if we weren't so rich.

Let me get something straight, okay?

Your mother and I are rich.

You have nothing.

You can tell your friends and your enemies that, okay?

Your father and I are not rich.

We're not? No, honey, we're not rich.

Rich is when your money works for you, not when you work for the money, and we

work hard for the money.

But, I mean, it's okay. We're proud of what we have, and we're happy to share

with our children.

I just think I'd be much better off if we didn't have so much money.

No, no, no, no. You're using the word we.

See, now, if you don't want the money, then you just tell us that, and we won't

give you any.

All right? And then all you have to do is pay us back the 100 ,000 you owe us,

and we'll be even.

But, Dad, I have to go to school with these girls.

They're going to start talking and then no one is going to want to be my friend.

Let me ask you something, Vanessa. Would you make friends with someone who had

more than you?

Yeah. Would you make friends with someone who had less than you?

Yes. See, from what I'm hearing, you're not the one with the problem.

Honey, your friends are going to like you, not for what you have, but for who

you are.

Do you understand that?

I guess so.

And Vanessa, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but yes, you are rich.

She is?

Not because of things, but because you have a family who loves you.

Thanks, Mom.

But when I grow up, I'm just not going to have so much money. That way my kids

won't have any problems.

Vanessa?

Yeah? These poor children that you're going to have, please don't send them

this house, baby.

Now go get Dad. Tell him you want to play checkers, but no one will play with

you. And try to look real sad. Can you do that?

Yes. Daddy, no one will play checkers with me.

Perfect. Go for it. Go ahead. Go get them. Go ahead.

Hey, what is this face?

Daddy, no one will play checkers with me.

Oh, Peaches.

You want Daddy to play with you?

Okay, Daddy will play with you. You look so sad.

My goodness.

As the board's all set up.

You two want to play?

Yeah.

Mind if I watch? Help yourself.

Both of you get a chance to watch an expert at work.

Go for it.

Thank you.

You did this, didn't you?

Did what? You set me up.

Dad, all I can say is good luck.

It's your move.

I know it's my move.

Will you look at that?

It's a Robin Redbrand.

Ready to thing they have on tuxedos.

You're not interested?

Nope.

What you reading?

A very famous law case, Mansfield v.

Townsend. Oh, yeah?

What's it about?

Cliff, please. This is the law, something you doctors know nothing

What do you mean we know nothing about?

I pay insurance.

Okay. This case is Mansfield v.

Townsend. Yeah, and I know about it.

Oh, really?

Yes. Tell me about it. Well, it was this man named Mansfield.

Mansfield was a woman.

Dressed like a man.

Forget it.

Well, how much longer are you going to be reading? I only have one more

paragraph.

Boy, it sure was something with Vanessa, wasn't it?

I know.

You know, most parents I know tell me that their kids are always complaining

about the money they don't have. Mm -hmm. And look at what we have.

Well, I never knew we'd be working so hard all these years just to give her

things she didn't want.

I just hope she remembers all of this when it's time for her to ask for a car.

Don't count on it. No.

How much longer are you going to be?

Okay, okay. I will save the part about the woman dressed like a man and the man

dressed like a woman until tomorrow.

Because it's just about that time.

Now, how did you know this thing was on? I checked the newspaper.

I see.

Where'd you get that from?

Good old Jake.

on again. God damn the bass drum.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.

Viacom.