Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without a...

What would we do, baby, without her?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without her?

Sha -la -la -la.

Come in, Maureen.

It's good to see you.

It's good to see you too, Stephen.

Maureen, what a surprise.

How did you know I was here?

Well, it wasn't easy running you down. You've been covering your tracks pretty

well.

Covering my tracks? What are you talking about? I haven't been covering

anything.

Two months ago, you were in New York City at your friend Roger's apartment.

I wouldn't have known that if Roger hadn't called to ask me what to do with

travel alarm, which you left there. As if I care.

Rob, what were you doing in New York City?

Then last month, you were in Yellowstone National Park, camping out.

I wouldn't have known that if a forest ranger hadn't called to ask me what to

with your inflatable pillow.

You were in Yellowstone National Park?

For the last three weeks, I had no idea where you were because you didn't leave

anything anywhere.

Rob, Rob, I don't understand. I thought you came directly from Buffalo.

I, I, I did. I'm originally from Buffalo.

Yes, I know.

That's where we met.

You mean he hasn't told you?

Look, Maureen, I really don't think... He walked out of the house two months

without a word to me. He left his business without a word. His clients

calling me at the house.

Here, you're the accountant, not me. You answer those. The first ten are from

people who are planning to sue us.

Mom is suing us?

Okay, well, they're out of order.

Uh, look, Maureen, I... I understand you must feel...

Pretty bad right now, and... Oh, Rob, you could always see right through me.

Well, I just want to say I am sorry about... Look, I didn't come to hear

apologies. I'm trying to get on with my life.

Whether or not that's the life that's going to include you is not the issue

here. You have certain responsibilities and obligations, and you are damn well

going to live up to them. Because if you don't, the next message on that little

pile is going to be from my lawyer. He's going to sue your... Aunt Maureen.

Aunt Maureen.

Aunt Maureen. Hi.

Aunt Maureen.

So I'm on my way home from work. I stop at the supermarket.

I've got a car full of groceries.

Pull into the driveway.

I'm honking the horn. Nothing happens.

See, on Tuesdays, Rob usually gets home before me, and he helps with the

groceries.

So finally, he comes downstairs, and he's got this funny look on his face.

He walks over to me, and he says, Maureen, I think we should split up.

So I say, fine, first help me with the groceries, then we'll split up.

I cannot begin to imagine what you're going through here.

But, Maureen, whatever happens between you and Rob, I want us to stay close,

okay? You're still family, for goodness sake.

Thanks, Elise.

Your support means a lot to me.

And I really think I'm starting to get a handle on this.

I mean, I know I'm going to be okay.

No intention of spending the rest of my life dwelling on Rob and what might have

been. It's over.

It's in the past. It's behind me.

Good for you.

So who was the little hussy downstairs?

Kathy, she's just a phase he's going through.

They go out dancing.

Rob goes dancing?

He's the worst dancer in the world.

At our wedding, he stepped on my toes so many times, I had to be carried out.

Come in.

Excuse me.

I'm really sorry about this, Aunt Maureen.

Your car is blocking mine.

And I really want to leave.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mel, but I'm going to have to use my computer down here. It's

like a war zone upstairs.

Is everyone still fighting?

In every possible combination.

First it was Dad and Rob in my room, then it was Maureen and Rob in Mom and

Dad's room, then it was Mom and Rob in your room.

And then it was Andy and Rob in the bathroom.

Oh, but I think that one was just a misunderstanding about towels.

How is it up there?

Not great, not great.

And Andy isn't helping any.

He's been running around saying, is she my Aunt Maureen or isn't she?

How can two people who really love each other become separated?

How can they lose that love?

It's a lot more common than you think, Jennifer.

I watch a lot of soap operas.

Seems to happen at least once a show.

I mean, if Rob and Maureen can't hold their marriage together, who can?

Let's talk about that, girls.

He's got that Phil Donahue look again.

Come on, come on. Let's try and... Let's try and put this in historical

perspective.

Oh, can we, please?

Yes, we can.

You see, in the old days, marriages were arranged by the parents, and these

marriages were based, as they should be, on money.

The bond that doesn't break.

Now, let's say later on there's some trouble.

The man is unhappy.

Marriage isn't working. What does he do?

Takes a mistress.

And if the woman is unhappy, what does she do? She learns to knit.

See, the important thing is the family stays together.

And they get some nice sweaters.

Rob, I want some answers. You can't run away from me. I'm not running away. I

just want to get a cup of coffee. I want to talk about this.

No.

I'll try the living room. No, hey, let me help you with that. Oh, me too.

That looks heavy. We're all right. Here we go. Okay.

Boy, you really painted a pretty picture for yourself there, Rob.

Marriage is over, amicable separation, nobody's hurt. You didn't say you ran

two months ago without a word to Maureen.

Well, do you think it's easy for me to talk about this? I mean, don't you think

it's embarrassing?

I'm still your older brother, you know.

So why'd you come here at all?

I wanted to be in a home again.

Got tired of living in campgrounds.

Lying out there at night, staring up the stars, trying to explain divorce to an

owl.

Try explaining it to me, Rob.

Explain how you... How you can just walk out. How you can turn your back on 25

years.

I was in the middle of a meeting with one of my clients.

Bill Hodges. Hodges Oldsmobile up on Quinton.

Regular monthly meetings. Nothing special. Just talk about this, talk

that.

The new Oldsmobiles are coming out. There's more room in the back seat now.

Then he starts in on me from nowhere.

He's unhappy with the new tax laws, and he's blaming me. He's yelling at me.

Where are my shelters? I want my shelter.

Well, I said, hey, take it easy. What are you yelling at me for? I didn't

the new tax laws. I'm not a congressman.

I'm an accountant.

I heard myself saying, I'm an accountant.

I'm an accountant, Stevie.

How did this happen?

I hate numbers.

I hate everything about accounting.

It scared me.

Scares me too, Rob.

You're my accountant.

The next thing I know, I'm at the batting range up on Jerome Avenue. You

where we used to go when we were kids? And I go into the fast cage. Remember

monster, the one we were afraid to go into?

Well, I stayed in there for three hours, Stevie, but I did it.

I hit one off the 350 sign and left center.

Cost me $700 in quarters.

I did it.

I felt better than I have felt in 20 years.

So what are you saying, Rob? You want to give up accounting to become a

designated hitter?

I want to hold on to the feeling I had that day.

I can't go back to my old life.

I can't be that guy anymore.

It would kill me, Stevie.

Now the key...

to a really great piece of French toast is that the bread has been soaking in

the egg mixture for precisely 14 hours.

Okay? Now, cooking must be done over medium flame in a cast iron skillet

the edges are golden brown.

Okay? Now, if you follow these directions step by step, painstaking as

seem, you'll have the perfect piece of French toast.

Any questions?

Can I have cereal?

Cereal? Cereal?

You do not ask a person of my caliber to make you cereal.

All you got to do is open the box, pour in milk.

Anybody can make cereal.

All right, okay, Mallory can't make cereal.

What I am offering you, French toast, a la Alex. It's special.

You know, it's the kind of thing you keep between brothers.

In fact, do you know what it means that we're brothers?

It means that I have to do everything that you say.

That's a big part of it. Yep.

But it also means that when you're somebody's brother, you're always that

person's brother.

It's like Dad and Uncle Rob.

You know, they will always be brothers.

Answer different.

But you and I, we will always be brothers.

Now, you may meet, you know, other people. You may meet a girl.

You may get married.

But I will always be the most important person in your life.

Gotcha. All right.

Hey, how you doing? Listen, how would you like a spectacular piece of French

toast? Oh, no thanks. I had breakfast at the hotel.

Is your Uncle Rob around?

Uh, no. As a matter of fact, he and Dad went to the batting range.

Ah, yes. The new career.

Mom's here. I can go up and get her. No, no, no. It's okay. I haven't had a

chance to talk to you or Andy since I got here.

I was hoping we could spend some time together.

Me too.

Who are you?

I'm your Aunt Maureen.

And who's the other lady?

She's your uncle's midlife crisis.

You still don't get it. What I'm trying to tell you is you have to wait on a

curve. I did wait.

Hi, Maureen.

Hey, Andy, why don't we go out for breakfast, huh?

Okay, who's fighting?

You are.

Again?

Uh,

Rob, I've got some things here we really must go over.

Yeah, of course.

Well, I'll leave you two alone then, huh?

Thanks, Steve.

Maureen, I really feel... No, Rob, please, don't say anything. It isn't

necessary. Let's just try to take care of this business as quickly as possible.

Okay.

Some of your clients' tax returns came while you were gone.

You filled these out and filed them yourself?

Because we're separating, there's no reason for those people to go to jail.

Maureen, I want to apologize for everything I've done.

The way I've done it. This is your American Express, Bill. It's two months

overdue. I really think you should take care of it. And this is MasterCard. It's

not like I don't know what you're going through.

Or that I'm not going through it, too. Oh, and we need a new roof. You were

right. First big rain of the season and we've got buckets in the dining room.

Who should I call for that? Callaway?

Maureen, please. I'm trying to apologize.

Not that words can make it hurt any less or make it any better.

I just wish it could have been some other way.

You deserve so much better.

But I tried, Maureen. I really tried.

I know you did.

I did, too.

Now, what about the car insurance?

I can't begin to understand what they're going through in there.

I'm sitting here thinking, is there any way we could have helped them? Anything

else we could have done?

Like what? Oh, I don't know.

I guess we did everything we could.

We listened.

We cried.

We drove Kathy home.

You know, with Maureen and Rob split up, I think we are the only couple from the

old group still together.

Remember Charlotte and Eddie?

Yeah, they split up.

That's a little different, though.

Charlotte realized she was gay.

Mitch and Denise?

Split.

Denise realized she was gay.

Charlotte and Denise.

They're still together.

All right.

And if you need any extra money, just call Hendricks because he has all the

account numbers.

I will.

I guess this is goodbye.

I guess so.

Well, I'll talk to you soon.

All right. Give our love to Jonathan and Marilyn.

I will.

My love to the kids.

Don't worry about us. We're going to be okay.

Come on. I'll walk you to the car.

It's over.

It's really over.

It's hard to believe.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

You realize, Phoebe, I've never really lived alone?

You mean I went from living at home, sleeping next to you, to marrying

and sleeping next to her?

I really resented it, too.

I remember thinking, what does she have that I don't have?

You must have been so happy when I moved out. You finally had that room to

yourself. You could sleep next to the window. I missed you.

You're kidding.

I was surprised, too, the way you used to torture me.

I never tortured you.

Come on, what about the time you cut my hair?

Well, you asked me to.

I didn't ask you to make a big bullseye on the top of my head.

I thought it looked cute.

What about old Shep?

You don't feel all that against me, do you? You knew that record always made me

cry, and yet you'd play it over and over again, and I'd cry and cry and cry.

What's a big brother for?

On rainy days, you'd invite your friends over to the house, you'd say.

Hey. Want to see my kid brother cry?

And you'd put on old Shep, hold me down and make me listen to it.

When I got to the part about Shep going to...

Doggy heaven.

I cry.

Your friends would applaud. You know, I'd go out for an ice cream soda.

Hey, Buffalo's a slow town on a rainy day.

You were a good big brother, Rob.

You were always there for me.

Later on, through all the things you didn't understand, the protests, the

marches, the sit -ins, all the things you hated, you were there.

Twenty bucks stuffed into my shirt, which I wouldn't find till after you'd

Some clothes for the baby that would mysteriously appear around Christmas

But I want to be there for you.

I want to help. I just... I feel so bad.

Don't feel bad.

I mean, for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm on the right track.

My own track.

I feel like I have a shot at finding out who I am.

Thanks, Stevie, for all the help you've given me.

Hey, what's a little brother for?

I'm Maureen up front.

Say goodbye.

Seemed okay.

She's gonna be just fine.

What's that?

Oh, it's a record called Old Shep. It's about a boy and his dog.

When I was a kid, Robbie always used to play it and I'd cry.

You kept it all these years?

Some things are hard to give up.

You know, Dad, you're a good man and you're a great father, but you're just

too emotional for your own good.

Old Shep.

When

I

was a lad and old Shep was a pup, o 'er hills

and meadows we'd stray.

Just a boy and his dog.

We were both full of fun.

We grew up together that way.

Sorry to interrupt, Dad. I just want to get my business section here.

The years had long, and at last he grew old.

His eyesight was fast growing dim.

He looked at me and said, I can't do

no more for him, Jim.

With a hand that was trembling, I took up my gun.

I aimed it at Jeff's faithful head.

They shot him!

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.