Original subtitles

Could somebody get that?

I'm working here. Could somebody answer the door?

Fine, fine. I make the money. I pay the taxes. I'll answer the door. Life is

full.

Want to get started?

Bernie, what are you doing here?

Well, your taxes, like every year at this time. Oh, you didn't get my

No, I don't need my accountant this year, Bernie. I'm going to do my taxes

myself. Yeah, I got it, but...

I didn't believe you.

Bernie, I'm serious this year. I want to do my own taxes. Uh, one question.

Did you decorate this room yourself?

No, my wife did.

Yeah, but you married her.

Bernie, read my list. I know, I know.

No new taxes.

Goodbye,

Bernie. Look at it this way.

Every dollar you spend on me is deductible, so you actually save a

Tell you what.

I'll charge you double. You'll save a fortune.

Yeah, yeah. Dad, would now be a good time to introduce myself?

No.

Dad, you've met Ben Seaver's son, not Ben Seaver, entrepreneur.

Ben, come on. I'm doing my taxes here. I'm in a foul mood. Do you really want

persist with whatever you're persisting with? May I call you Jason?

No.

Jason, I'd like to talk business. One businessman to another.

That's my briefcase.

How's the business?

Is that your idea of a business meeting, Ben? It sounds more like something you

read in a book.

I think now would be a good time for a good dirty joke.

What do you have to do?

Dad, how often have you said to yourself, why can't I have my own

Why can't I be my own boss?

Why? Let me interrupt you here, Ben. I do have my own career. I am my own boss.

You are? I'm a psychiatrist.

Yeah?

Ben, what do you think I do every day?

To be honest, I never gave it much thought.

Listen, the U .S. government gives me a $2 ,000 deduction for you, and that's

all, and you're pushing it.

Jason, just give me five minutes of your time, and if you're still not

interested, you'll never see me again.

Never again?

Thank you, Ben.

You're welcome, Ben. Hey, that's my name.

Gone forever, right?

independence.

Ben,

you taped over Chrissy's birth.

No, this is just a dub I made for the guys at school.

Hey, hey, it's coming back.

That's right, music.

But why take it from me? Hear it from a typical American teen.

Jeepers. The most important thing to me is music. I do it every time I can on

today's most popular music groups.

I just got an earring.

But seriously, I'm concerned about where the hot new groups are coming from.

I didn't think music could be so good till I saw them in person.

Am I done yet?

I laughed. I cried.

I was moved beyond my years.

Like that?

Just what are all these young people talking about? The Fresh Kids.

and the Fresh Kids set up for parties and stuff, and everybody goes crazy when

they see them. They're going to be bigger than new kids on the block. Now,

they need is a manager.

Who told you you could use my video camera?

Dad, Dad, Dad, you're missing the big picture here. Now, the Fresh Kids have

talent to become monsters.

That's music business talk.

Now, I don't know much.

Okay, I don't know anything.

But I do know music, and I know that these guys are good.

And I also know that if you don't go for this, I'm going to end up a bum for the

rest of my life, like Mike.

What do you want from me, Ben?

Well, Dad, you don't just become a manager. You have to invest.

That's why I want you to become my partner.

I don't know anything about managing.

Well, there's a whole article on it in Rap Time magazine.

See? Right here.

They write in the most and order room service. We're perfect for the job.

Well, I'm sure there's more to it than that.

Dad, you're a married man.

Not bad.

Yeah, I know it's a lot of work, but I got it all figured out.

See? Okay.

We get some publicity pictures.

And some new wardrobe, make a demo, then just sit back and watch the money roll

in. I've never seen you this excited about an idea, Ben. Yeah, and if we

move fast, some other manager will sign them up. So tomorrow, why don't you come

with me? There are going to be guests on the cable show, wrap and roll.

So you've figured this whole thing out now?

Yep, I practiced everything I was going to tell you, including the dirty joke.

Which, by the way, you really should hear sometime.

Okay, Ben, bottom line, how much would this cost me?

$63 ,000.

Cool.

Okay, I'll settle for $2 ,000.

Such an amateur.

How would you have done it? Well, first, I would have picked 1 to 4 a .m. That's

when Dad's usually at his weakest.

All right, and then, just off the top of my head, I'd probably tell Dad that I

need an operation from a surgeon who only takes cash.

And I think that's just from the top of his head.

Oh, all right. Watch this, Chrissy. This is my chance to get a few table scraps.

Dad. Yeah, look, I told the boy not to buy me. I don't know where he gets these

ideas that you are made of money. All right, look, I'll take him out. I'll

to him. You got 20 bucks for a couple burgers?

Mike, come on. Can't you see we're having an important business meeting

Yeah, right.

Guess who just coughed up 2 ,000 bucks?

What? But, Dad, I... Spit it out, Mr.

Smooth. So when do we get...

We have to talk. I just found something very upsetting in Ben's room. Oh, honey,

relax. Every kid his age has those kind of magazines.

Jason, I am talking about this. A check for $2 ,000. He must have forged your

signature. And it's not even close. He went for an exaggerated tight anal

scrawl.

Maggie, I gave it to him.

You what?

Yeah. Yeah, Ben and I are now managing a new rock band.

Managing a band?

Yeah, well, it's not really a band. It's just three kids jumping up and down.

And you gave him $2 ,000?

Yep.

Oh, my poor muffin man.

Oh, sweetheart, I know it was a mistake not to use an accountant.

No, no, this has nothing to do with doing taxes, Maggie. I haven't freaked

I didn't give Ben $2 ,000. I merely invested in my son.

Come on, haven't you seen the kid's changed?

He's there in a suit, and he's been thinking this whole thing through.

He even told me a dirty joke.

Ooh, imagine that.

But the excitement, Meg, I mean, he had such enthusiasm.

I've never seen that look in him before. He had a real spark in his eye. I can't

say no to somebody who looks at me like that.

I want a Ferrari.

Well, that's a twinkle. I'm talking about a star.

Fine. Just sit there with that look on your face.

What? Act like you weren't behind this $2 ,000 scam.

Act like that money isn't going right from your father through Ben into your

pocket. Mom, Mom, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm serious. I

have a clue how the little meatball got two grand at a muffin man in there.

And that's it for publicity.

Now, uh, for the demo.

If we're willing to record at 4 a .m., I found a place that'll do it for $500.

Oh, Ben, $500, that's real expensive.

Dad, I checked every studio in the phone book. Yeah, well, I know a little bit

about music, Ben.

I cut a demo or two myself in college, you know.

Dad, we're talking about music here, not a bunch of old guys jumping up and

down.

I was good, Ben.

A lot of people thought I would be the next Gary Puckett.

Did I ever tell you by the time I actually met Gary Puckett? You know what

said to me? He said you have the best head of hair he'd ever seen on a white

man.

So obviously I know what I'm talking about.

Hi, honey. You're just in time. I was just telling Ben about the time I met

Puckett.

Best head of hair on a white man?

Dad, come with me right now and I'll show you the studio.

Hey, I hate to interrupt this important powwow, Ben, but you were supposed to

pick up the dirty clothes in your room. Dad.

Hey, Ben, come on. A good businessman never puts anything off.

Okay, but when I'm done, we go right to the studio.

All right.

Boy, I am impressed. I've never seen him move so fast.

Come to think of it, I've never seen him move much at all.

I told you, Maggie, he's a changed kid.

How much money do you think we'd have to give Mike to get him to shape up?

We couldn't afford it.

That reminds me, we could. You know, I was wrong before.

I did make some money last year.

Oh, no.

you mean? Oh, no.

Oh, Maggie, in our tax bracket to stay there, I was counting on your career

being a total loss.

Well, excuse me for having a little bit of talent. I am so sorry. I brought in

$5 ,000 last year. I'm sorry. I just get a little weird on tax day. The $5 ,000

is going to come in very handy. Oh, no. I spent that. I just have these check

stubs here.

The stubs?

Yeah, honey, and they didn't take out much withholding. I took 99 deductions.

I didn't like this one that much, but it was expensive, and I knew that would

please you.

Sweetheart, Maggie, let me explain something to you. There's negative cash

and there's bankruptcy.

You'll love this next one. We'll be able to amortize it.

By luck, one day she's going to erect something that will win the stinking

Pulitzer Prize.

What was that, honey?

Oh, nothing. Just musing about how responsible Ben's being.

Oh, I've got to hand it to you, sweetheart. He's never done his homework

Saturday before.

Yeah, he even mowed the lawn.

True, you couldn't see the grass for the snow, but the thought was right.

And at dinner, when he dropped that pork chop, he wiped it off in his shirt

before he ate it. Yeah, makes you wonder, doesn't it? I should have made

partner years ago.

Makes them easier to control.

Oh, so that's why you're doing this. No.

But it's not a bad byproduct.

You're kidding yourself. You're manipulating with your checkbook.

on. I do not manipulate anybody.

Not with my checkbook or anything else.

So?

What do you think?

Is that the expensive one?

Extremely. Makes you look fat.

I'm taking it back.

Well, you almost got me, Mr.

Manipulator.

Maggie, I am not manipulating anyone. If I am, may lightning strike me now.

Ben!

Um, I'm getting a drink of water.

You're sneaking in.

If I was sneaking in, would I make a mess like this?

Just when I thought you were becoming responsible and mature, Ben, that's why

went into business with you.

Need any help? No, I can handle this myself.

Well, if you run into any trouble, here's your checkbook.

All right, Ben, what's going on?

I just want to show Laurel my check, partner. Hold it right there.

The partnership has nothing to do with this moment, Ben. In this room, we are

father and son.

Well, then let's go back out in the hall.

What are you doing sneaking in?

How else could I get in? I snuck out.

I am so disappointed in you, Ben.

After I invested $2 ,000 in you, how do you think that makes me feel?

I mean, is this the same boy that just hours ago stood in front of me and told

me a dirty joke?

Hey, I got another one. Better.

Now, there's this island full of women, and they only eat corn... Stop it right

there.

You heard it, huh? No, I haven't heard it, Ben.

The cost of that window is coming out of the $2 ,000.

But that's our business. Well, never mind. I told you not to bring up the

business. But you are, Dad.

That's not fair that the money should come out of the $2 ,000.

That belongs to our partnership.

Oh, well, one of the partners should have thought of that before he started

behaving like a teenager.

I am a teenager.

I'm really beginning to think this whole partnership is a mistake. Yeah, me too.

Oh, well, there's an easy way to solve it, Ben.

The relationship's over.

You mean I'm not your son anymore?

I mean, you're not my partner anymore, Ben.

Plans for us. Come on. I have big plans. This isn't fair.

Uh, Mom, would this be a good time to have a word with Dad?

Honey, you busy?

Honey, come on. I'm up to my eyeballs in this stuff.

Okay.

I'm going shopping.

No, no, no, no, Maggie. No, no, sit, sit. I got plenty of time.

You know, I just wanted to see how you were doing before I left. No, you

Maggie. You wanted to follow up on last night and see if I had seen the error in

my ways regarding the Ben thing. Well, Maggie, if I had error in my ways, I

would have seen it. Well, don't worry, Jason. I won't bring up the fact that it

was a mistake to mix the father -son relationship with the business

relationship. I did not mix.

Really? Mm -hmm.

When you go to our accountant, you make sure his room is clean first?

Matter of fact, I do.

That I believe.

Like I said, I'm not going to bring that up.

Good. Good.

And I suppose you'd change lawyers if you didn't wipe off his pork chop.

Eamon Schwartz does not eat pork.

Cricket nut.

Cricket guy.

then a price of a new transmission should be easy.

Just one more thing, Ben.

Oh, it's not Ben.

It's Mike.

Acting like Ben, dressed like Ben, learning from his younger, taller

Leave me alone, Carol.

Don't get excited, Mike. We're just a little concerned because you're in Ben's

weenie suit. Hey, look, this is not Ben's weenie suit. This is my weenie

Hey, you didn't sleep in that, did you?

Why not? It doesn't wrinkle.

Jason, your 11 o 'clock is here.

Uh, Dad, hey, Dad, look, if you got five minutes, I'd like to show you how you

can make a lot of money with Mike Seaver's acting workshop.

I haven't seen that many zeros since Mike was in high school.

Whoever it is, don't come in unless you got $30 ,000.

I've got two cookies.

Two cookies?

All right.

What are you so upset about?

Well, let's just say I could use a couple write -offs. I thought Mike and

were a couple of write -offs. Yeah, different kind.

It must be fun having kids.

Sometimes. I mean, when they fall for it. Anything. Like our sweet, simple

Ben's not as simple as he looks.

Are you kidding? You had him believing you guys were really partners.

We were really partners.

Sure.

I like the way you had him trusting you.

And then you...

I got back from meeting with the Fresh Kids.

Oh, that was today, huh? They were on that cable show I was telling you about.

just wanted to let them know where we stand and that our partnership was over

because I busted a window.

Yeah. Well, look, I like to talk, you know, man to man.

With who?

With you, Ben. Sit down.

This will be a little difficult for me to explain, Ben, but I'm going to give

a try.

See, on the one hand, Ben,

I'm your father.

I'm with you so far.

Yeah, and, uh, but on the other hand, see, I mean, I'm your partner. At least,

was your partner.

But I failed to separate those two relationships, and I should have. That

mistake.

You know what I mean?

You wish to beg for my forgiveness?

No, no, not quite, Ben. You broke the house rules. That was your father who

punished you.

But that shouldn't have interfered with our partnership.

So, uh, I made a mistake. I'm sorry.

If you're willing to be my partner again...

You want to be my partner again?

Yeah.

Sorry, pass.

I couldn't just give up on the Fresh Kids because you got weird. So I went

looking for other investors, and I found one. You did?

Yeah. Well, that's great, Ben. That's good for you.

Who put up the money?

Oh, he's coming in.

He's just parking the car.

Hey, Dad, look who's here.

Bernie,

you're the partner?

Yeah. Hey, this kid's got some head for business.

Must have got it from his mother.

You're giving him $2 ,000?

All right, Benny, let's see the gun.

Wait till you hear the rest. Hey, listen, we make our deal with the Fresh

at rehearsal.

Yeah, two hours later, they're taping the show. Some guy from a record company

is there, loves them.

Ba -bing, ba -boom, they buy our contract for $50 ,000.

All these kids do is jump around and make noise.

Yep. And we split the profits. See?

Paid to the order of Ben Seaver, $24 ,000.

Oh, by the way, when you do your taxes next year, I'm no longer an accountant.

I'm a manager.

I ride around in limos, order room service, and I am not a married man.

$24 ,000.

Well, I'll be the first to admit it. I was wrong to use that money to control

Ben. The first to admit it. And the top two.

I was wrong. I was pig -headed, all right? You happy?

Very. What amazes me is that Ben was right about the fresh kids all along. We

never should have underestimated his judgment.

We? Not we, we. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

Okay? I was wrong. Ben spotted their talent, and that takes talent.

I never should have doubted him. I'm sorry I ever doubted any of my children.

and the surgeon only takes cash.

What are you doing

in my bedroom? How about a little kiss?

Nobody makes blueberry pancakes like you do, Margaret.

Oh, those aren't blueberry pancakes.

Oh?

There's something on his mind. What do you think it is?

I don't really know my father well enough to guess.