Original subtitles

All right, come on now, help me out here.

Tell our audience, when you first realized you would rather be a woman.

In high school.

By the time I was a senior, I was quite a baton twirler.

Have you guys seen Mom and Dad?

From then on, I knew I was a female trapped in a male body.

Hey, Carol, somebody else is your problem.

Mike, when are you going to grow up? For your information, today, Mike Thiever

became a man.

Just a boy with a job at Bernie's Car Wash, but not anymore.

Bernie fired him.

You were fired? I wasn't fired. I quit.

Either way, our deal was no job, no car.

But, Dad, I have a job. It's a great job, an incredible job. Oh, God, this is

exciting. You guys might get a little dizzy when I tell you. You better sit.

I'll take my chances.

Okay, okay. You two are looking at the newest member of the sales force at

Stereo Village.

That's right. I am one of the lucky, lucky few who has been given a shot at

unlimited earnings selling quality audio, video, and computer components at

-bottom prices.

I better sit down.

I warned you guys. Look, I'd love to chat about this some more, but I'm going

be late for the first night at work, so... Mike, we're not finished talking.

Well, gee, Mom, I don't know what else I could possibly tell you guys.

Well, how about how did you hear about this job? Who are you working for? What

are your hours?

How are you going to get your homework done?

How much does it pay?

Is it legal?

Hold it.

Oh, Mike, you look a little dizzy. Maybe you better sit down.

Come on. Now, I get the feeling that you guys have no faith in me at all.

What have I ever done to make you feel that way?

Well, in the first grade, it started.

Show me that smile again.

Don't waste another minute on your crying.

We're nowhere near the end.

The mystery's ready to begin.

Okay,

Mike, tell us about the new job. And don't sound like a game show host.

Okay, I work just three afternoons after school and on Saturday.

With Boner. Go on.

And the store's just right up the street at the mall next to that shop that

sells the sexy underwear for women.

I know the place.

I get my hair cut near there.

So how much does this job pay? Well, it's a job in sales, Mom.

How much? Well, it's kind of hard to say.

How much?

Well, see, when you sell things, you get a commission. And I'd be getting 10 %

of everything I sell. I mean, it's going to be worth thousands, guys. So it has

no base salary whatsoever.

Now, Dad, I know this isn't going to be easy, but I sure can't spend the rest of

my life at that car wash.

Well, Jason, what do you think?

Okay, Mike. All right. Hey, thanks, guys. Thanks a lot. I've got to go

for work.

I can't be late. Andrew has this policy.

It says party net is unacceptable for any reason.

Who's Andrew?

Oh, he's the manager of the whole store. See you later.

What's his last name?

Uh, Dush.

Take it easy.

What?

Delish. See you later.

Delish? He wouldn't be related to Jerry High School dropout Delish, would he?

Well... Or Jerry High, we're both in jail, Delish?

Uh, actually, what was the question again?

Is Andrew Delish related to that jerk that used to get you into trouble all

time? Related? Um, they're very close.

How close?

Same guy.

Didn't we forbid you to associate with Jerry Delish? Yeah, but you didn't say

anything about Andrew.

Come on, what's this Andrew business?

Why'd he change his name?

Well, I think it's kind of obvious, Dad.

He had to throw the cops off the trail.

No, Dad, he wanted to change his life around, so he started with his name. I

mean, Dad, he's the manager of the whole store.

And you're the one who's always saying we should believe the best in people, so

why not give Jerry the benefit of the doubt?

Well, um... Okay, what do you think, Maggie?

I'll agree with your decision.

All right, Mike, give it a shot. Hey, thanks a lot, Dad.

That wasn't the decision I was going to agree with.

Uh -huh.

You know, if you're going to deal with the public, you'll need a nice

conservative suit.

Come on, Dad, let's sell them stereos. Well, yeah, but it never hurts to look

sharp. Uh -huh.

Tell me about it.

tell Mike that he could work for Jerry Delish?

Well, honey, after you left, I got to hear Jerry's philosophy.

The road to success is hard work.

And don't expect others to make it easy for you. Each of us is responsible for

himself.

Really? Really.

He's got Mike wanting to be prompt and dependable.

Things I've been trying to make him think about for years.

Gee. If I wasn't so darn self -confident myself, I might even be a little

jealous.

I was just like... State for the record that I never once suggested that you

might have been a man.

What the heck are they watching in there anyway?

And don't forget to send your friends in.

Uh, if I have a problem with my unit... Call me. I will.

What do you think?

I think you're dangerous.

Boner, what are you doing?

All I know is I got a guy to look at a couple speakers who only want a change

for the pocket meter.

I say I did a lot.

Remember what Andy said, a good salesman could sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo.

Well, an Eskimo wouldn't need a... Oh.

Yeah.

Okay, I'll give it another shot. That's right.

Hello, and welcome to Stereo Village, where quality and value... Dr. Siva.

Boner. It's Richard here.

You changed your name, too?

No, it's always been Richard. I just don't use it because it's a dumb

name.

Good thinking, Boner.

Hey, Mikey, look who's here.

Ah, excuse me a second.

Hi, Mike. Hey.

Boner, can you take care of my customer while I take care of my dad? Well, I'd

rather sell to your dad. Okay.

So, Dad, what are you doing here?

I'm just taking advantage of Stereo Village's grand opening sale.

You're checking up on me. Oh, come on.

I'm not checking up on you.

Okay, I'm checking up on you. So sue me.

Dad, uh... I see you took my advice about the suit.

Well, yeah, yeah. Andrew said dress for success.

Hey, Michael, when you get a chance... Dr. Seaver.

Jerry. Andrew. I haven't seen you since you bailed Michael and me out of jail.

Yes. That was a very long time ago, Dan.

That's right.

Well, I think Michael and I have done quite a bit of growing up.

Mikey, look who else is here.

Jason,

what are you doing here?

Checking up on the famous you.

Oh, no, no, no, honey. I just happen to be shopping at the lingerie store next

door. Really?

You remember Jerry Delish, don't you? That dirtbag? Where is he?

It's Andrew now.

Oh, my goodness. You've changed. How you doing, Mr. Seaver?

You two must be just as proud of Michael as I am.

Why? Why?

You don't know?

Michael here has outsold everybody. It's his first four days.

That's wonderful, Michael. Why didn't you tell us? Well, I just thought I'd

surprise you.

Well, he sure has surprised me. I've never seen a harder worker.

Well, look, I'd love to talk to you guys, but I have a customer over here

needs some help.

Go get him, Mike. Okay.

Dr. Seaver.

Seaver, I just wanted to tell you, I'm deeply touched that you overlooked all

that stupid trouble I used to get Mikey into and took a chance and let Michael

work here. Not many parents would do that.

Heck. Anybody could end up in jail.

Well, it was a pleasure to see you both.

Thank you, Jerry.

Andrew.

Is our radio cassette TV thing any good?

Oh, yes, yes.

Well, I can't lie to you, Ed. It's really not worth the price.

Yeah? Yeah.

That's my boy.

I told you my taking the shot was a good idea.

Oh, come on. You were so untrue.

It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair.

It's not clean.

Have you guys seen Mom and Dad?

Mike, it's your turn to do the dishes.

Not tonight, Benny.

Mom? Dad?

You think just because you didn't dirty any of these dishes, you can get out of

Washington? Looking good tonight, Carol.

Hey, Mike, we thought you'd be at work.

Bye again.

See, this is the big surprise I was telling you about. I just got my first

commission check, and it was major. You guys aren't going to believe this.

But I thought I'd share some of the wealth with my family.

Mom, Dad, Ben, and Carol.

What the heck's going on here?

Just go ahead and open it.

Wow, Super Vito Brothers and Naomi.

I'm going to go play this.

Mike, this is so unlike you.

Yeah, well, I figured you could use it while you do your aerobic.

Well, I don't do it.

The thesaurus program?

Yes, yes. You get that, you know, when you're writing your stories and you need

a word that means the same as the one you've already used. You just press a

button and it gives you a whole bunch of other words.

Michael, this is so sweet.

Thoughtful, considerate, caring.

Sounds like she doesn't need a thesaurus.

I'm going to cry. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Mike, you amaze me.

Well, thanks for believing in me, Dad.

Hey, go on. Go ahead, open it up. Yeah, okay.

Oh, hey, Mike, this is terrific.

Yeah, yeah, I figured that, you know, you could put it in... You could, uh,

know, you put it in your office so that when your patients are talking, you

could watch some TV.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but isn't this the model that you told that

guy in the store would be a waste of his money?

Yeah, that was his salesmanship, Dad.

I don't understand.

Oh, see, that's the model that we used to lure him into the store.

It's my job to hook them, reel them in, and get them to spend a lot more money.

Jason, would you just calm down and tell me what Mike did?

What did he do? Well, he's just taken the first step on the road to Sing

Sing -Sing? Yeah, and you know who's going to be holding the cell door open

him. Ben?

I'm talking about Jerry Delish.

And you and I were fools to think that Jerry wasn't Jerry anymore just because

he's Andrew.

I can't follow you when you're ranting. Oh, I do not rant.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Of course you don't. And don't just say what I want to hear.

Okay, then. You are getting incredibly carried away. And so far, you haven't

told me what has gotten you so upset.

All right, here it is.

It's the Delish philosophy.

Tardiness is unacceptable for any reason. The road to success is hard

get this one. Each of us is responsible for himself.

Mike's buying that 100%. Jason, do you think perhaps you were on to something

last week when you said that you might be a little jealous of Andrew's

influence? Oh, I was completely off base. And frankly, I don't even know why

you'd listen to me.

Okay. Maggie, you're saying okay, but your eyes are saying jealous.

My eyes didn't open their mouth.

Now, if it isn't jealousy, what is it then?

All right, have you ever heard of something called bait and switch?

Andrew does that?

Mike, too.

Oh, no.

Well,

I'd like a word with that, Andrew, Jerry, and Mike.

Well, I'd like a word with all three of them.

Mike, I'd like to talk to you before you... Oh, look at this room.

What's wrong with it?

It's clean.

Yeah? Is that another one of Andrew's suggestions?

Well, he says the more organized you are, the better.

Oh, I'll bet.

What, you don't want me to clean my room? Well, yeah, but for the right

Yeah, Dad, listen, I've got to get back to the store. Andrew says I can't. Will

you just sit down, please?

No, see, the only reason I came home was because I got a stain on my suit. Do

you know what you're doing down there?

Well, I mean, at first, but now I do. I mean, it's kind of fun. I like it.

No, no, I'm talking about when you tell a customer that something he wants to

buy is junk to get him to spend more.

It's called bait and switch. It's a con.

It's a crime.

Now, hold on. Hold a minute. Dad, now, that guy was free to buy anything in the

store. He didn't have to listen to me.

But, Mike, you lied to him.

Dad, I just nudged him towards some merchandise that we needed to move.

Mike, you're lying to people.

People are more important than your sales quoted.

All right, all right.

Hold on. Okay.

How about you, Dad? Now, when you wanted to get rid of the old car, you wanted

to get as much as you could for it, right?

So? So, did you tell the salesperson that the transmission was shot?

Yes, I did.

You did?

Yeah.

Okay. All right. How about the taxes? All right. Now, everybody fudges a

on their taxes, right?

Not me.

Oh, Dad.

There's a whole world going on out there that you don't know anything about.

Don't pity your father, okay? I'm not.

Kid, I'm not. I'm just saying that you get up in the morning, you cook

breakfast, you walk across the living room, go into your office. I mean, you

never even go outside.

Oh, really?

Well, who do you think brings in the morning paper and thinks it just walks

here by itself?

I'm outside every day.

So what's your point? You're going to make me quit, right? Oh, you bet I'm...

No, I'd like to, as much as I'd like to.

I'm not.

You're not?

No. Why not?

Because you're too old for me to make you do anything.

I am?

I can't be looking over your shoulder all your life, Mike.

Uh -huh.

You've got to learn that the only one responsible for you is you.

Yeah, that's exactly what Andrew says.

Better. Mikey, this main street has three blocks to pull.

Four. Hey, great.

Four blocks. It's on the corner. Senor Stereo. You can't miss it.

Oh, great. Thanks a lot. Hey, my pleasure.

If you hadn't have told us, we would have wasted all that money here.

Boner, what are you doing?

Well, they need a whole new stereo system.

Boom. That's what we sell here.

I know that, but Senor Stereo is having a call -me -local sale.

Listen, they just got married, so they're kind of broke.

Boom, that's not your problem.

Mikey, if I would have stuck him with Bob Price, I would have felt like a

Who are you calling a thief?

Nobody.

I'm just saying I can't hook him. I can't reel him in.

And you know how much I like fish.

You've got to straighten up your act, man. Look at you here.

couldn't find a handkerchief. Michael, when you get a chance, I need to talk to

you. Yeah, sure, Andrew.

So, what can I do for you? I just want to let you know, Michael, I think you're

doing one heck of a job. Hey, thanks.

You know, I'm really proud of you. Well, I learned from you.

What'd you do this week in commissions?

Uh, 350.

What did Bonner do?

Uh, well, you know, he's working real hard out there. Mike.

You know, I've known Boner a long time, almost as long as I've known you.

Well, as I know Boner, I also know he doesn't have it.

Well, maybe he's just nervous. I mean, maybe he just got so much of it, he

doesn't know what to do with it. Mike, well, you've made $350.

Boner has made $3 .62.

Is that net or gross?

His net is gross.

Come on, come on, Joe, just give the guy a break. I mean, he's trustworthy and

good -hearted, but that guy couldn't tell a lie that life depended on it.

Mike, you know what it takes to sell.

But can you honestly tell me that Boner's going to have that killer

Now, I know you're a little closer to him than I am, so I thought I'd ask you

you wanted to tell him.

Tell him what?

Well, he's gone.

What? Hey, this is business.

Do you want to tell him?

Me?

By closing time, somebody's got to. I just thought he'd take it better from

So, uh, how many watts per channel is this?

Huh?

Oh, um, 40 watts. Uh, listen, we've got a few minutes before closing, and why

don't you think it over and I'll be right back.

Here is your diode and your receipt for buck 20s in the bag.

Enjoy.

That's 12 more cents right in my pocket.

Excuse me, you carry the Thunderclap 2 system.

Uh, yeah, yeah, we got it.

And? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sir. It's been a long day.

Yes, we do carry the Thunderclap 2 system, and I'd be happy to have Richard

demonstrate it for you. Could you please show this gentleman the Thunderclap 2

system? Oh, that's expensive.

Right this way, sir.

Michael, it's almost closing, sir. Yeah, I know, I know, Jerry. Just give him a

minute. He's about to move the highest -priced system in the store.

You're right. It is this way.

Well, just for old time's sake, all right? I mean, he's your buddy, too.

It's a time for buddies, and it's a time for business.

I can't thank you enough.

Hey, tell a friend.

Boy, that was quick. Well, we'd be happy to help you load your components into

your car for you. No, I can wait. The bone here tipped me that the Thunderclap

is going to be on sale next week.

I'll wait till then. Hey, see you then, Maurice.

Hey.

So, who else is up for fish and chips, huh?

The bone? No, wait. I need a moment with Andrew, please.

Sure thing.

Come on, Jay, just give him one more chance. He's got as many chances as he's

going to get.

I've got a sales quota to meet here. So what do we do? We just duck bone because

he's... He's boner?

No, because he can't sell.

He's not like us, Mike. He's too concerned with the customer and whether

can afford the stuff.

Then what's wrong with that? Mike, if you couldn't get rid of the stuff, I'd

rid of you.

But we're buddies.

This is a business.

But that's... That's wrong.

What are you talking about?

I'm just saying that people are more important than your sales quotas. Who's

been handing you that garbage?

Who? I'll tell you who.

Somebody who knows a heck of a lot about the real world out there.

You know, somebody...

Who always seems to be right and is really beginning to get me tense.

You know, I think I might as well just quit this job right now because that's

what he thinks I should do. And that's probably what I'm going to end up doing.

So I'll just save you the time, huh?

Hey, Mike.

Mike.

Mikey.

Hey, folks.

Senor Stereo has got this exact same stuff for half the price.

And they care about their customers.

Adios, chair.

I thought you wanted some fish.

Ooh.

See you tomorrow, Jen.

All right. All right, where is he?

Where's who?

Dad.

Well, he went for a long walk. He was pretty upset with you, Mike. Oh, he's

upset with me? Well, I'm upset with me. And him, both of us.

What? What?

Do you have any idea what a rotten thing he did to me earlier tonight?

No, what?

Nothing.

Yeah, nothing.

He knew what a major mistake I was going to make, and he left it to me to figure

it out. Would you prefer that we monitor your every move?

Yeah.

No, I mean, I just wish that you guys would come down on me when you know I'm

going to mess up majorly, all right?

I mean, excuse me for saying it, but isn't that your job?

Hey, Dad, if you're going to start treating me with touch and respect, I

know what's going to happen.