Original subtitles

He's not coming back.

He will. He's so hard for you.

Yeah, but I think he has a girlfriend.

You didn't ask.

No, I was afraid to.

Even if he does, you could steal him away.

I'm not a homewrecker.

Too bad.

Even worse, I have no one to talk to now.

What about that circus break? The circus rolled out of town this afternoon.

Aw, too bad.

Guess I can't fuck a clown.

I know you're joking, but I've always dreamt of fucking a clown and filmmaker.

And this is why you're insane.

Insatiable.

I mean, like, don't we just think about settling down?

Sometimes I dream of a beautiful wedding with a guy with a big old dick.

Never move to the suburbs.

Oh, really?

A cute little house with a white picket fence.

I want wall -to -wall shag carpeting.

That's more daddy.

Then we throw a big housewarming party for all the couples in the

We put a little fishbowl outside.

And we have the wife -swapping orgy of the century. I told you, I'm a romantic

at heart.

Hello, Conan's Video Club.

Where is my husband?

Oh, he's in a meeting right now.

At 10pm?

Yeah, they're like Japanese businessmen. There's a huge time difference.

Basically middle of the morning for them.

Do you think I'm stupid?

Of course I don't think you're stupid, Mrs. Kelly.

Are you that little slut who fucked my husband?

Who, me?

No, never. I'm a good little girl.

Good little girl, my ass.

I'll let him know you called.

Don't you hang up on me.

She is going to kill him.

She'll forget all about it when he buys her a new diamond.

I don't get it. Like, why is he still with her?

I just have a little wife at home to deal with with kids and laundry.

Sad. Well, I'm never going to rely on just one man.

I refuse to be anyone's little wife slave.

I'm like, not all men are bad.

They're good for one thing and one thing only.

Mine is mine.

Yeah, he seems nice, but he's going to disappoint you too.

I don't know about that.

Trust me, fuck him and chuck him.

We have to test if it works.

What if somebody comes in?

It's broken.

They won't see anything.

Yeah?

Just do it, do it, do it.

It's a cog.

How can you tell?

Look.

I mean, it just... It just looks like white noise to me.

Maybe.

What the fuck?

He's not coming back.

Death throws me off to get fucked.

I'd give you my date if I had one.

Yeah, but I'm not just a whore.

Ugh, I'm tired of talking about this guy.

Forget him.

Hey, guys.

How was it?

It was good.

Do you have any other recommendations?

Oh, yeah.

Nicole already picked out a super kung fu film for you.

I did?

I did, yeah.

Yeah, it's a super surreal.

Not many people have seen it. You know, some real underground shit.

This is awesome.

You really know your stuff.

I'm not some expert or anything.

You know more than I do.

That doesn't bother you?

No, I like a smart and sexy girl.

Oh, yeah?

You're pretty cute, though.

No, no. A black belt in Krav Maga would destroy a black belt in Taekwondo.

You're crazy. You're literally crazy.

Krav Maga is more practical in a real -life fight, and it's eclectic, and it's

inspired by other styles.

That's just it.

Taekwondo is traditional. It's pure, okay? And these guys have laser focus,

better defense, and Krav Maga is just showy bullshit.

You know, bud, I'm out early. Have a date.

You do?

Wait, wait, I hate it when you leave me to close the store alone.

Well, Nicole, you're not quite alone, are you?

Of course you do.

Of course I'm not.

I was hoping that you'd stay here, keep an eye on her, make sure no creeps get

there. Is that all hands on her?

Yeah, of course.

If anyone comes here and tries to touch her, I'm going to take on a Taekwondo

move.

Okay, lovebird. I'm out.

Yeah, that thing's broken.

Well, if you want, I can drive you home.

No, it's okay. I just live down the street.

Yeah.

This place is, um, kind of creepy after it closes.

Yeah, I get a little... I usually get a little freaked out. I always imagine

there's people, like, hiding between the aisles.

Yeah?

I'll protect you.

Anyone there?

Was that okay?

I was wondering when you were going to kiss me.

Why'd you ever ask?

I don't know. I just thought maybe you had a girlfriend.

I do.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I wanted to ask you if you wanted to be my girlfriend.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Look, I...

I know we just met. I know this has been a little fast.

And I know you can't pick a fighting style. What happened to the kids? I

but you're really cool.

You know, I wanted to be a lot cooler during this part.

Like, let's start back at the beginning.

Yes, Mike. I will be your girlfriend.

Really?

Do you want to go back to my place?

I'm going to fuck here.

In the store?

What have we got?

We just have to live dangerously sometimes.