1
00:00:41,150 --> 00:00:42,270
He's not coming back.

2
00:00:42,690 --> 00:00:44,790
He will. He's so hard for you.

3
00:00:45,150 --> 00:00:46,470
Yeah, but I think he has a girlfriend.

4
00:00:46,990 --> 00:00:47,990
You didn't ask.

5
00:00:48,510 --> 00:00:49,810
No, I was afraid to.

6
00:00:50,310 --> 00:00:52,190
Even if he does, you could steal him
away.

7
00:00:53,310 --> 00:00:55,030
I'm not a homewrecker.

8
00:00:55,270 --> 00:00:56,270
Too bad.

9
00:00:57,130 --> 00:00:59,030
Even worse, I have no one to talk to
now.

10
00:00:59,790 --> 00:01:03,170
What about that circus break? The circus
rolled out of town this afternoon.

11
00:01:04,210 --> 00:01:05,570
Aw, too bad.

12
00:01:05,930 --> 00:01:07,150
Guess I can't fuck a clown.

13
00:01:07,410 --> 00:01:11,310
I know you're joking, but I've always
dreamt of fucking a clown and filmmaker.

14
00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:13,650
And this is why you're insane.

15
00:01:14,930 --> 00:01:15,930
Insatiable.

16
00:01:16,330 --> 00:01:21,630
I mean, like, don't we just think about
settling down?

17
00:01:22,330 --> 00:01:27,970
Sometimes I dream of a beautiful wedding
with a guy with a big old dick.

18
00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:29,870
Never move to the suburbs.

19
00:01:30,270 --> 00:01:31,270
Oh, really?

20
00:01:32,270 --> 00:01:34,810
A cute little house with a white picket
fence.

21
00:01:35,370 --> 00:01:39,330
I want wall -to -wall shag carpeting.

22
00:01:39,910 --> 00:01:40,910
That's more daddy.

23
00:01:41,070 --> 00:01:44,890
Then we throw a big housewarming party
for all the couples in the

24
00:01:45,350 --> 00:01:47,070
We put a little fishbowl outside.

25
00:01:47,670 --> 00:01:53,170
And we have the wife -swapping orgy of
the century. I told you, I'm a romantic

26
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:54,170
at heart.

27
00:02:04,270 --> 00:02:05,450
Hello, Conan's Video Club.

28
00:02:06,270 --> 00:02:07,570
Where is my husband?

29
00:02:07,970 --> 00:02:09,690
Oh, he's in a meeting right now.

30
00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:11,210
At 10pm?

31
00:02:11,750 --> 00:02:15,390
Yeah, they're like Japanese businessmen.
There's a huge time difference.

32
00:02:15,610 --> 00:02:16,910
Basically middle of the morning for
them.

33
00:02:17,490 --> 00:02:18,710
Do you think I'm stupid?

34
00:02:19,070 --> 00:02:21,550
Of course I don't think you're stupid,
Mrs. Kelly.

35
00:02:22,950 --> 00:02:25,330
Are you that little slut who fucked my
husband?

36
00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:26,750
Who, me?

37
00:02:26,890 --> 00:02:29,190
No, never. I'm a good little girl.

38
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:30,770
Good little girl, my ass.

39
00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:33,150
I'll let him know you called.

40
00:02:33,450 --> 00:02:34,590
Don't you hang up on me.

41
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,810
She is going to kill him.

42
00:02:39,130 --> 00:02:41,610
She'll forget all about it when he buys
her a new diamond.

43
00:02:42,010 --> 00:02:44,130
I don't get it. Like, why is he still
with her?

44
00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:46,990
I just have a little wife at home to
deal with with kids and laundry.

45
00:02:48,570 --> 00:02:51,410
Sad. Well, I'm never going to rely on
just one man.

46
00:02:51,730 --> 00:02:53,730
I refuse to be anyone's little wife
slave.

47
00:02:54,790 --> 00:02:56,610
I'm like, not all men are bad.

48
00:02:56,950 --> 00:02:59,270
They're good for one thing and one thing
only.

49
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:02,790
Mine is mine.

50
00:03:02,890 --> 00:03:05,230
Yeah, he seems nice, but he's going to
disappoint you too.

51
00:03:07,350 --> 00:03:08,350
I don't know about that.

52
00:03:09,210 --> 00:03:11,270
Trust me, fuck him and chuck him.

53
00:03:18,710 --> 00:03:23,110
We have to test if it works.

54
00:03:23,610 --> 00:03:26,510
What if somebody comes in?

55
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:27,649
It's broken.

56
00:03:27,650 --> 00:03:28,650
They won't see anything.

57
00:03:29,990 --> 00:03:30,990
Yeah?

58
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,110
Just do it, do it, do it.

59
00:03:41,290 --> 00:03:42,290
It's a cog.

60
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:43,770
How can you tell?

61
00:03:45,830 --> 00:03:46,830
Look.

62
00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:50,830
I mean, it just... It just looks like
white noise to me.

63
00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:52,850
Maybe.

64
00:03:54,790 --> 00:03:55,870
What the fuck?

65
00:04:05,650 --> 00:04:06,790
He's not coming back.

66
00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:08,670
Death throws me off to get fucked.

67
00:04:09,190 --> 00:04:10,630
I'd give you my date if I had one.

68
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,140
Yeah, but I'm not just a whore.

69
00:04:12,660 --> 00:04:15,240
Ugh, I'm tired of talking about this
guy.

70
00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:16,659
Forget him.

71
00:04:19,079 --> 00:04:20,079
Hey, guys.

72
00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,040
How was it?

73
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,120
It was good.

74
00:04:26,540 --> 00:04:27,840
Do you have any other recommendations?

75
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,400
Oh, yeah.

76
00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:33,560
Nicole already picked out a super kung
fu film for you.

77
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,000
I did?

78
00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:37,160
I did, yeah.

79
00:04:38,180 --> 00:04:39,300
Yeah, it's a super surreal.

80
00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:42,470
Not many people have seen it. You know,
some real underground shit.

81
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:43,829
This is awesome.

82
00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:44,830
You really know your stuff.

83
00:04:45,630 --> 00:04:46,890
I'm not some expert or anything.

84
00:04:47,230 --> 00:04:48,230
You know more than I do.

85
00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:50,070
That doesn't bother you?

86
00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:52,810
No, I like a smart and sexy girl.

87
00:04:53,990 --> 00:04:54,990
Oh, yeah?

88
00:04:55,270 --> 00:04:56,270
You're pretty cute, though.

89
00:05:06,810 --> 00:05:10,750
No, no. A black belt in Krav Maga would
destroy a black belt in Taekwondo.

90
00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:12,430
You're crazy. You're literally crazy.

91
00:05:13,130 --> 00:05:18,590
Krav Maga is more practical in a real
-life fight, and it's eclectic, and it's

92
00:05:18,590 --> 00:05:20,290
inspired by other styles.

93
00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:21,589
That's just it.

94
00:05:21,590 --> 00:05:26,290
Taekwondo is traditional. It's pure,
okay? And these guys have laser focus,

95
00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:29,790
better defense, and Krav Maga is just
showy bullshit.

96
00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:33,070
You know, bud, I'm out early. Have a
date.

97
00:05:33,330 --> 00:05:34,330
You do?

98
00:05:35,150 --> 00:05:37,470
Wait, wait, I hate it when you leave me
to close the store alone.

99
00:05:38,470 --> 00:05:41,690
Well, Nicole, you're not quite alone,
are you?

100
00:05:43,770 --> 00:05:44,770
Of course you do.

101
00:05:44,850 --> 00:05:45,950
Of course I'm not.

102
00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:49,390
I was hoping that you'd stay here, keep
an eye on her, make sure no creeps get

103
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:50,650
there. Is that all hands on her?

104
00:05:51,210 --> 00:05:52,189
Yeah, of course.

105
00:05:52,190 --> 00:05:54,810
If anyone comes here and tries to touch
her, I'm going to take on a Taekwondo

106
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:55,810
move.

107
00:05:57,510 --> 00:05:59,250
Okay, lovebird. I'm out.

108
00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:08,460
Yeah, that thing's broken.

109
00:06:14,260 --> 00:06:17,360
Well, if you want, I can drive you home.

110
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,520
No, it's okay. I just live down the
street.

111
00:06:21,140 --> 00:06:22,140
Yeah.

112
00:06:26,140 --> 00:06:29,480
This place is, um, kind of creepy after
it closes.

113
00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:34,140
Yeah, I get a little... I usually get a
little freaked out. I always imagine

114
00:06:34,140 --> 00:06:35,920
there's people, like, hiding between the
aisles.

115
00:06:36,590 --> 00:06:37,590
Yeah?

116
00:06:39,470 --> 00:06:40,530
I'll protect you.

117
00:06:50,150 --> 00:06:51,150
Anyone there?

118
00:07:08,430 --> 00:07:09,430
Was that okay?

119
00:07:09,770 --> 00:07:11,430
I was wondering when you were going to
kiss me.

120
00:07:12,110 --> 00:07:13,110
Why'd you ever ask?

121
00:07:14,110 --> 00:07:16,310
I don't know. I just thought maybe you
had a girlfriend.

122
00:07:16,690 --> 00:07:17,690
I do.

123
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,310
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

124
00:07:19,670 --> 00:07:23,950
I wanted to ask you if you wanted to be
my girlfriend.

125
00:07:24,850 --> 00:07:25,850
Are you serious?

126
00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:27,570
Yeah.

127
00:07:27,830 --> 00:07:28,639
Look, I...

128
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,380
I know we just met. I know this has been
a little fast.

129
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:34,160
And I know you can't pick a fighting
style. What happened to the kids? I

130
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:34,939
but you're really cool.

131
00:07:34,940 --> 00:07:36,660
You know, I wanted to be a lot cooler
during this part.

132
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,060
Like, let's start back at the beginning.

133
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:40,460
Yes, Mike. I will be your girlfriend.

134
00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:42,500
Really?

135
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:56,160
Do you want to go back to my place?

136
00:08:00,970 --> 00:08:01,970
I'm going to fuck here.

137
00:08:03,690 --> 00:08:04,690
In the store?

138
00:08:05,990 --> 00:08:06,990
What have we got?

139
00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:09,770
We just have to live dangerously
sometimes.