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NETFLIX PRESENTS

SQUARED LOVE

Honey.

I don’t want Kiddo in our bed.

Don’t you dare call Gustaw Kiddo.

-Where were you? -Nowhere.

Why did you wake him up?

He has a mating date this week.

Sleeping helps his libido.

Wait.

Be careful.

Listen… Are we going fishing?

Nope. Just reeling people in.

I don’t get it.

Don’t worry. Neither does my boss.

Wow!

One more ad and we’re done.

This dressing up is killing me.

I’ll pay my dad’s debt and I’m out.

Hey!

I’m sick of this.

-What? -This!

-All of it. -It looks great.

What? My naked butt?

Monika, I keep telling you, this naked butt has a heart, brain,

feelings and dreams.

And it’s very photogenic.

The world would be a better place if all guys thought that.

-You know I’m one of a kind. -You sure are.

Ms. Monika!

Good, you’re finally here.

I let them in. The headmaster was snooping around.

You’re it!

But I won’t cover for you any longer.

-Thanks. -One more thing.

Since I was already here, I aired the room.

Class! It's time to begin.

Let me go!

-Oh sweet Jesus. Stasiu! -Ms. Monika!

Good morning, Mr. Headmaster, sir!

The kids’ place is at their desks, and the teacher’s at the blackboard.

-New teaching methods-- -...have to work.

The results of national exams will verify whether or not your approach is effective.

If it's not… Well, you know what will happen.

Defilad Square. All right?

It’s not safe to get into a stranger's car.

This car is extremely safe.

It has traction control system, blind spot detection,

and it warns you when you drive off the road.

Why is it beeping? I fastened my seat belt.

It knows when the driver is distracted and sets him straight.

You are joking.

About work?

Never.

-Do you sell cars? -Not at all.

I just enjoy them.

You must be very busy.

Not right now. Are you?

Not at all.

What a coincidence! This calls for a celebration.

Hi!

Alicja!

You look stunning.

Here is our dumbest writer.

What did I write? And why was it dumb?

You wrote that Global Technic’s new technology is 20 years old.

Because it is.

The newest technology is new. That’s it.

Delete the post.

I’m not going to lie to our readers.

I’m an engineer, not a trained monkey.

Even monkeys understand basic marketing.

Szymon, explain it to Stefan. I don’t have the energy to do it.

It’s simple, really.

If we don’t make a profit, we get shut down.

We make a profit through ad sales.

Thank you.

That is why we are making a video

with the ad agency, and you’re in it.

Doing what?

Just showing your face.

You’ll have a great car, great views, and a great girl.

You will make some of your famous faces and that’s it.

Let’s see that great car.

And the views.

Excuse me.

Hi, honey…

Why do we work with him?

Enzo is a big star.

Ferrari’s name was Enzo. He’s a simple Stefan Tkaczyk.

Wow!

I mean, wow! This uniform really suits you.

Oh, come on.

Can’t you see I’m fat?

You? Fat? Just heavily stunning.

The magazines you wanted.

Thanks.

-Bloody celebrity. -I heard you!

After my shows, your sales are soaring.

And the car is clean.

You know it’s not your car.

You drive it around, praise it on TV and give it back unharmed.

It’s just lipstick.

Women put it on to look pretty.

-Excuse me! -Coming!

Yes?

-Can you help me open my car? -With pleasure.

New toys.

Powerful, right?

Mom wouldn’t let that happen.

Why didn’t I buy lilies of the valley? She loved those.

They only bloom once a year.

-I’m talking about the debt. -They were in bloom then.

He hit us! He ran a red light! It wasn’t your fault.

Why didn’t I remember about them when she was still alive?

If you love someone, give them all the love you’ve got.

All of it.

All of it.

What if they don’t love me back?

That’s impossible.

Everyone loves you.

I’m serious, dad.

To be honest, I don’t know much about love.

But I know that when you meet that person,

when it all clicks into place,

everything is twice as good.

It happened with me and mom.

It will happen with you, too.

Real love is always squared.

Monika, it’s me again. Call me back.

I’m about to have a heart attack.

-Where is he? -No idea, he’s not picking up.

He’ll come. Unless he’s coming somewhere else.

-That was mean. -It was.

Why don’t we start with Klaudia? Enzo is stuck in makeup.

She’ll come prepared. She got the brief.

-Such a hard worker, that one? -That’s her style.

I’ll be there.

No can do.

Hi!

-How much for a quickie? -Dammit. Get lost!

-I’m going to the palace. -Great.

-Hey! -Stop!

Cut-throat competition?

Comes with the job.

I’m not judging.

-Neither you, nor your colleagues. -My colleagues?

Jesus!

My colleagues?

You picked up the wrong girl.

Stop the car.

Finally!

-Hi! -Where were you?

I’ve been worried sick. Get dressed.

As usual, instead of scolding you, I’m glad you made it at all.

-Where is the new model? -It’s the gold one, by the car.

-That hooker? -That lech?

Just keep smiling.

You know her?

Not one bit.

This is Klaudia.

-Do you know each other? -We don’t.

The car stops, they kiss.

Guys on stilts, colorful people, action...

Close-up on the logo, rain, and we're done.

-A kiss? -Wait.

Yeah!

-There was no kiss in the script! -There is now.

The client changed his mind.

It’s in your contracts. Any problems?

-One small one. -Right.

-Thanks. -Klaudia, wait!

Who forgot to tell the actors?

-I don’t know. -You don't know?

Must have been me. My bad.

Everyone! Let’s get started.

Now kiss and switch places.

Kiss, please.

Kiss her. Do it!

Very nice.

That’s enough. We got it.

Jesus!

Stop the car!

What was that?

What the hell!

Amateurs!

-You didn’t use the handbrake? -It’s an automatic car!

A bunch of amateurs!

-Come on, E… -Enzo!

-Calm down. -Did you see that?

No, I bloody didn’t.

Be quiet!

Everything fell apart.

I was so embarrassed, I wanted to disappear.

-I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. -It was exactly that bad.

Really?

-And it’s his fault? -Who else’s?

Mr. Big Star…

Maybe he was a star. In kindergarten.

When he played with toy cars.

-What’s this here? -Hush…

But Enzo has this…

This thing that works on TV.

Alicja!

I wish you were this quick at the set.

-That’s not fair! -What’s not fair?

You know what’s not fair?

This. What is this?

Car seat testing?

You agreed to an open relationship.

Not to you shagging everything that moves!

-Ala… -Stay away!

Get back. Reverse, now!

It’s not like that.

-You know what, Stefan? -Enzo.

Don’t be ridiculous.

You ruined everything.

We lost the ads and…

BRO

-Who is it? -No one.

Now heads will roll.

I won’t fire myself.

You’re dumber than the dog!

-Don’t drag Kiddo into it. -Gustaw.

-I like him. -He hates you.

You know why he makes those weird, growling sounds?

He’s ready to attack.

His grandfather sat on a thief till the police came.

He’s a dangerous, wild creature.

You’re threatening me with Kiddo?

You know what? Pack your bags

and geh zum Teufel, now!

You want me to sleep at the office?

Not really.

BRO

Stefan?

Hi, Andrzej. How are you?

You won’t believe it. Are you asleep?

No, go on. I’m up.

Kasia did it.

That’s very serious.

Do you want me to come over? We could talk then.

Your old lady kicked you the fuck out?

She’s not that old.

Couldn’t talk your way out of it?

Always deny everything.

Say it was your evil twin.

Good one. I’m going to my brother’s now.

She surprised me. Had corpus delicti.

Corpses are the worst.

Did she say why?

She said something about fulfilling her greatest dream.

I thought her dream was to be your wife and Ania's mom.

So did I! But clearly, I was mistaken.

Kasia went off for a cruise around the world

and left me with this.

She did always say it was her dream.

She saw an opportunity and did it alone.

Alone? She’s not alone!

Yachts are filled with men! Boatswain, skipper, sailors!

Men, plural. That’s not cheating.

Just a tiny summer break, or a small existential crisis.

Kasia told Ania she wanted to fulfill her dreams

and that she’ll come back a happy mom.

Be positive. She is coming back.

In the meantime, I’ll help you.

-What? -Sure.

-You hate kids. -People change every seven years.

My younger party brother changing to care for a little girl?

-I don’t buy it. -I can stay here, help out.

-You got kicked out. -No, I didn’t.

I did.

Kids need role models.

-So? -I’ll just hire a nanny.

A random stranger?

At least you know my faults.

Okay, I’m in.

One week. Starting tomorrow. You take over Kasia’s chores.

-Meaning? -Laundry, cleaning, swimming pool.

-And school. -What school?

Stefan.

Ania started school three years ago.

Don’t bring anything. I still have food left.

I do.

Yes, sweetie, I remember.

Eat a warm meal once a day.

Bye.

Wait! I’ve got the money.

No, wait! I’ve got the money!

My left, your right.

Good job, Kazik.

Next!

My right, your right.

Great!

My right…

-Kids! -What are you doing?

-Get off! -Let him go, I fell on my own.

What’s all that? Wild locusts!

Uncle?

-I’m not Santa, am I? -Where’s mom?

You don’t know?

-She left. -When will she be back?

Eventually, I guess. Hand.

Ania…

Sweetie.

It’ll be all right.

-Why did you do that? -What?

-Clearly you don’t have kids. -How do you know?

-Come on, Ania. Let’s go. -Go with your uncle.

What the hell is this?

-Stop the car! -Jesus!

What a mess.

I’m at your service.

-Why are you so tired? -Family life doesn’t suit me.

-You have a family life? -Regular lifestyle wears me off.

-You need to stay in shape. -Honey.

I’m always in shape.

-This is serious, Enzo. -Is it personal, too?

Don’t worry. I won’t ask you to marry me.

Good. Then go ahead.

The boss changed his mind. We’re doing the campaign.

-We are? -That’s right, we are.

You and our marketing department. That is me.

And with that model and her agency.

-What about the set catastrophe? -The set catastrophe...

You see, he saw the photos and the footage.

And he saw emotions. Emotionen, Enzo.

And that’s what he wants. So we got it!

Can I come back?

You can be a part of the campaign.

If it goes well, I’ll consider your comeback.

A private comeback?

Gustaw.

His muscles failed him when he was climbing his partner.

He walked it off, but he needs a massage, too.

The mate must stay in shape. Put those in a vase on your way out.

They’re offering good money.

-Hello, Ms. Monika. -I know.

-Hi! -So why won’t you take the job?

Half the city is covered with my ass.

I don’t want the other half to show me and that jerk.

My boss won’t like it.

You’ll find someone else.

I won’t, you’re too special. Think about it, all right?

Like most people, I have a family to support.

-Hi there! -Hello!

-Hi. -How are you?

Okay, I’m out. Think about it.

-Guys, be good. -Okay.

-Bye! -See you.

-Hey! -What?

-Watch it. -I’m working!

A short dress works every time. Klaudia is always right.

Here.

Is it not-short enough?

A pair of red heels and you’ll get your fourth baby.

It would be a girl.

Ania.

Our tiny little princess.

Speaking of.

That jerk is the uncle of Ania, my best student.

The idiot made her cry in front of the whole class!

Who’s the idiot?

Are you listening to me?

I’m talking about Enzo.

Enzo… You like that guy!

You’re crazy.

Boys, your mom went crazy.

-We need to get more ice-cream! -Yeah! Ice-cream!

Hi there. Good morning!

-Hi. -Hey.

Excuse me.

You don’t have to hide it from me.

-I really… -I won’t say a word.

For as long as I can.

It was nerve-wracking, so I gave it up.

Gave what up?

Two thugs came here looking for you.

Something about a debt.

People like them should not be coming here.

Of course.

Dad!

-Were you drinking? -Nah.

Mom was a saint for not killing you.

You should do it, sweetie.

Kill the old fool.

-Did you pay them back? -Sure.

I sure did. Half of it.

No, more than that!

That’s the good news.

What’s the bad news?

They considered it an interest. They want twice as much.

That’s more than I make in a year!

I know that.

Wiesiek’s friends?

-I’m calling the police. -Don’t!

He didn’t mean any harm.

He knew I needed the money.

Right. Did they give you a deadline?

One what? Day? Week?

One month.

-And if you don’t pay? -Well…

They’ll take everything. And cut off my fingers.

Why the fingers?

Because I can’t count.

Don’t worry, I’ll find a way.

-Don’t you dare sell-- -You know I wouldn’t.

See you at mom’s.

Get your act together.

Hey.

This is Klaudia. I’ll take the job.

It’s the middle of the night! Can’t you call at some normal--

I’m here! Get me a cappuccino, hon.

I’m here. Hi, everyone

Sorry I’m late.

Nice of you to join us.

Go ahead, boss. What’s your idea for the campaign?

I need something fresh.

Something unique.

Your company is famous

for its fresh, innovative solutions.

Ms. Alicja will be the owner.

-Mr. Jacek will provide the content. -Sure.

Our star, Mr. Enzo...

and the stunning Ms. Klaudia

will be the faces of the campaign.

-In my opinion, it’s brilliant. -Sure.

We’re doing project management. You want synergy and competency.

-Entschuldigung. -Ja?

Do you need all of us here?

-At this point of the campaign? -Exactly.

You are my driving idea

for the campaign.

Without Klaudia, this project management

is like a car on three wheels.

BRO: PICK UP ANIA AT 6:00 P.M.

Sorry for that.

Ms. Alicja, I hope you know what’s at stake here.

If the campaign fails, we’re done.

That’s it.

Hi, Stefan, how’s it going? Did Ania do her homework?

-She just finished. -Put her on the phone.

She’s in the bathroom. It might take a while.

What’s that noise?

I don’t know. The hairdryer?

She’s drying her hair. I think.

-Is she okay? -I won’t go in there.

-It’s all good. -Are you sure?

It’s all good.

You sound weird.

Talk to you later!

Ania!

Your favorite uncle is back!

If you don’t come out,

daddy will chop your favorite uncle into pieces.

Why are you yelling in the middle of the night?

We’re playing hide-and-seek.

-You’re clearly losing. -Do you know where she is?

What? Why would I care about a shoe?

I’m looking for Ania!

Oh, her.

Ania.

You know…

-She came by after school. -And?

We baked muffins.

You know, the strawberry kind.

She’s a nice kid.

Took one home for her dad.

And one for her uncle.

-You know what? -What?

She misses her mom.

I know! But where is she?

You have a big mouth, don't you? You’re asking where she is?

Where did you go when you smashed your father’s car?

The garden plots?

The football field!

Only it’s not a field now, it’s a parking lot.

Go on.

Get away from her! Right now!

Away!

Away, dammit!

What are you doing? Leave her alone!

Calm down, man. We’re feeding the dog.

What are you doing?

Feeding the dog. He’s waiting for his mom too.

Come on, Azor, let’s go. You’re lucky.

I always make time for my family. Unlike you.

Stefan.

Come on.

-I found her, thank you. -There she is.

-Uncle? -Yes?

Do you know that guy?

Why did he call you Stefan, not Enzo?

Ania.

-Were you feeding Mr. Matysiak’s dog? -I was.

I was waiting for mom. She didn’t come back today.

That guy from the parking lot?

It was Przemek Matysiak? That geek from my class?

Fame has changed you.

You don’t recognize friends, forget about kids.

My kitten has gone off somewhere again.

-Trąbuś! -Goodnight.

Trąbuś!

CAMPAIGN???

-What? Is Ania missing? -Missing? Why?

-Seriously, how old are you? -Old enough.

She’s asleep.

But she’s still sad.

She could pose for a painting. Girl. A Study In Despair.

She’s sad Kasia’s gone. What can we do?

There is one thing.

What if she got a letter from her mom?

-With a nice photo and tons of hearts? -Did she?

-Stefan… -It’s Enzo.

These can kill you.

I’ve been smoking for 40 years and I’m fine.

Now let's step aside...

Green light is on.

What do you do? Slowly!

Slow down, Staś. We’re crossing the street.

Very good.

Why the grin?

Kazik Malinowski said, "Did you see me run?" twice!

You’re totally nuts.

He stopped stuttering!

If they botch the exams, she’ll be out the door.

It’ll prove those methods of her suck.

-Are you smoking that? -That green juice,

the water and the running might be healthy,

but that’s not enough to calm my nerves at school.

I need a smoke.

Cheese!

-Monika Grabarczyk? -Stop yelling.

-The whole building can hear you. -You’re ashamed of your name?

My name is Hammer.

Nice to meet you.

But please keep it down.

There you go, Ms. Monika.

Mr. Stefan, your pass!

What? It’s GDPR 101.

Oops.

ELEVATOR OUT OF ORDER

It’s the 13th floor. Take the other elevator.

Elevators are for wusses.

Why don’t you carry me up, tough guy? I broke a heel.

I know.

Running in heels should be an Olympic sport.

You have blue eyes.

Few brunettes do.

And you know lots.

It’s true, I like women.

But being a heartbreaker is not my full-time job.

-You can "like" baked potatoes. -I do, as well.

You know what I like most?

A girl who believes in love. I know I do.

And I don’t believe you.

We only have an hour left. We have to come up with something.

One hour seems promising. We’ve been here for 16.

Can’t we just do a regular car commercial?

A car is driving, horses are running, it’s raining,

clouds, hubcaps, done.

Eine moment. We’ve been through this.

Remember that the boss said the concept has to be based

on the emotions of Enzo

and his partner.

You’re right. But I don’t know how to do that.

Neither do I.

I got it.

Four slogans, like four traffic signs.

Infatuation. Desire.

Jealousy.

Love.

Plus a final event...

and bam, we got it.

Food, anyone?

You can’t stack the pans inside like that.

Stefan?

Take care of it.

-Did you remember about the tickets? -Sure, you’ll love it.

Ania, you got an e-mail.

What a pretty bird! It has blue legs.

Come and see what mom sent me.

-You want me to print it? -Yes, I’ll show it to Ms. Monika.

Dad? What do those birds eat?

Fish. They live by the water.

What if they were allergic to fish, like I am?

Birds can’t be allergic.

What if they could?

They’d find nice, tasty bugs.

Come on, I’m taking you to see a real film set.

Can I go?

-Just don’t lose her! -Sure!

That’s my student. She’ll recognize me.

Don’t panic, keep your distance.

Go, hide.

She looks like a princess.

That’s what we want people to think.

-The princess is shaky. -This is Ania.

-My niece, she won’t get in the way. -Ania.

Shouldn’t you be in preschool?

I’m way too old for preschool! I'm in third grade.

Do old kids like ice-cream too?

-We do! -Come along.

-Thanks. -Let’s go.

It says the horn broke.

And that’s why it won’t start?

What can I say?

It’s the 21st century.

Technology triumphs over reason.

Boss…

-I was thinking… -What?

-A drink. -We’re working.

I mean, after work. Lets get a drink, have a chat.

Mechanic to mechanic.

I have a good friend.

In short-term loans.

-I’ll set you up. -Wiesiek...

You got me a loan once.

Look how it turned out.

Why don’t you sell it?

You have a debt to pay.

And I have a good buyer.

No way.

My father drove it to his wedding, so did I, and so will Monika.

You said Monika…

Monika?

-I told you, I’m working overtime. -Wiesiek said that--

That’s absurd.

I have to go.

Going fishing, are we?

-No, I have a math class. -That explains the pole.

-Exactly. -This is my last warning.

This is a school.

And you’re acting like you enjoyed working here.

But the exams are coming.

And the truth will come out.

Go to sleep.

-Uncle! -What?

-Tell me a story. -Aren’t you too old for that?

Big girls like stories too.

I guess they do.

All right.

A long time ago, back when cars run on gas,

there was a…

A beautiful princess. She…

ignored a no entry sign

and drove into the dark forest.

What happened next?

In the forest,

the very dark forest, she met a witch.

And the witch magically summoned ice-cream!

Witches don’t like princesses.

Of course they don’t. It was magic ice-cream.

The princess ate it and fell asleep.

Then the witch got into her car and drove off to go fishing.

-I forgot. We don’t like fish. -I don’t.

-What do you like? -Fast cars.

Does everything has to be fast?

That’s how it is now.

But if you keep going so fast,

you’ll miss everything around you.

Kids and fish better keep quiet.

-Uncle… -What is it?

You don’t like me either?

There is one little princess, smarter than all the adults I know.

She is very pretty. And very brave, too.

Now go to sleep!

-Uncle? -What now?

You need better stories.

Tomorrow.

-Uncle… -What?!

Turn off the light.

Sure, sweetie.

Goodnight.

BUY TICKETS!

-Uncle. -What?

Uncle.

I’m up now. I remember.

I remember. We just need breakfast…

I’m almost ready. Give me two minutes.

Get in, chop-chop.

What are you doing?

Don’t smoke here!

Good morning.

Finally! I almost thought you f… Fudged up.

The tickets?

You were supposed to get them.

We can’t go anywhere without them.

I forgot.

Get in!

It’s my fault. I trusted the wrong person.

Kids, back to the yard. We’ll play there.

Thanks.

Come on, move it!

This is Enzo.

I need a favor.

The chariot awaits!

Get in, everybody!

Let’s get going.

-Your uncle is not that bad. -He can drive a bus.

-He likes cars more than kids. -Who wouldn’t?

I saw a cow giving milk!

You didn’t know where milk came from?

From the fridge.

Now we’re pecking.

We’re pecking!

My wing! I broke my wing!

They’ll wear me out.

But laughing always works.

-You’ve got… -What?

You’ve got milk on your mustache.

-Wait. -Delicious!

Thanks. All we need now is…

Baked potatoes.

That’s it! You’re reading my mind.

Delicious.

Why are we so formal all the time?

-Let’s have a drink! -I don’t know you that well.

Let’s get to know each other.

You’ve known my niece for quite some time now, so…

-All right. -Great!

Ania is having so much fun here.

Will her mom be back soon?

I don't know. We'll see.

-She’s lucky she has you. -And a father.

You brought her here.

I’m doing my best.

-Cool chickens. -We don’t have those in Warsaw.

-We do. In the freezer. -But they’re dead and naked.

What do they eat?

-Is it good? -Not bad, try it.

Help! Ania is dying!

What happened?

-What have you done?! -Move.

Move, now!

There. It’s all right now.

Easy.

Easy. Keep breathing.

Just keep breathing.

Keep breathing.

Are you feeling better?

Try to sit up.

Slowly.

-What did you eat? -I just licked it.

I bet there was fish meal in it.

It’s all right.

-Harder! -Okay, ready?

If I could, I’d buy this farm and bring the kids here all the time!

I’ve never thought about my constant lack of money like that.

-Catch me! -I’ve got you.

I’ve got you.

Aren't you loaded?

The other leg. Why would you think that?

Aren’t you getting paid in your world of luxury?

World of luxury?

Sure, I am. But you know how it is.

I want to buy a vintage car, but saving up for it takes ages.

Just like my father.

-Tell me. -Yeah?

Does a guy who keeps saving up like this

-have a shot with a top-notch girl? -What?

Like a super hot model who is also pretty smart.

Pretty smart? She’s a real catch.

-Do you like her? -I think she doesn’t like me.

-Then forget about her. -Are you crazy?

-Maybe you can try to impress her. -How?

You’re the womanizer here.

I can’t teach a playboy how to play.

Who are you? Really?

A teacher!

I guess I am.

-All right. -What is it?

First of all, you need music.

With lyrics.

Second of all, flowers.

Red roses, preferably.

Third of all. Fancy food.

Something French.

Lots of champagne.

Very old-school.

Where’s the real music?

-I thought… -Thinking doesn’t suit you.

Is there any way to impress you? Any way at all?

I’m just curious.

100 kph in under four seconds.

-It could be deadly. -It could.

If you’re not good enough.

How about a ride?

I haven’t driven that one before.

Just…

The clutch is very sensitive.

Shit.

Maybe I’ll unpark it?

Come.

-Oh God! Are you okay? -All good.

This way.

You’re kidding me!

All parts are original.

Apart from the tires and the battery.

Does it…

drive?

-You want to try it out? -Can I?

You can’t.

The owner worries it’ll get stolen.

I didn’t think you’d be…

What?

Anything I say now will come out wrong.

Then don’t say anything.

Great! We’ve got it.

Let’s do one more.

-I bet they’ve been practicing. -Why is she sucking him like this.

Isn’t it a bit too long?

Then we wouldn’t get the jealousy.

It’s getting dark, back to work!

-Another take? -That’s right.

-Is something different? -Their chemistry.

They must be shagging.

I see.

Listen up!

Everything okay?

Don’t worry about it. Do you have a gum?

Sweet Jesus.

They say it gets easier in the second trimester.

But at this rate, I’m not sure I’ll make it that far.

Jesus!

I try not to worry too much.

I know that Enzo has a strong paternal instinct.

Congratulations.

We can always sell it. Wiesiek has a buyer.

He pays cash.

We’re not selling it. Go back to work, clients are waiting.

What did he do to you?

I got a loan from the bank.

-I’ll have the money by Friday. -Great.

Then the car is yours. It can be your dowry.

It keeps growing in value. Usually it’s the other way round.

I don’t have a husband in mind.

Maybe you set the bar too high?

Is not sleeping with other women too high?

Men often sleep with women they don’t love.

Luckily, not everyone has to get married.

You know why men get married?

Bachelors hate it everywhere.

Husbands just at home.

Mom used to laugh at your jokes.

You’re not laughing at all.

What’s there to laugh about?

Mom is looking down at you, making sure you’ll find the right one.

Let’s have a chat.

And some wine.

I don’t drink wine.

Yes, you do. And it pays off.

I get it. I’m not your league.

You don’t know shit.

And keep your hands off me or you're out.

Should I tell your dad how you make your money?

-It’s all fair and legal. -Very funny.

Give me a cut, and I’ll keep my mouth shut.

Let’s say, ten grand?

Mechanic’s promise!

How about a kiss goodbye?

Kiss my ass.

-You got better. -At what?

-Pancakes. -That was a while ago.

A long while. Nine days ago.

-You counted that fast. -It was easy.

-It takes me a while. -I have a better teacher.

Swimming pool tomorrow?

Ms. Monika said you don't need to come. Staś’s dad will be there.

Is she mad at me?

She’s never mad. She just talks and explains.

-Who is mad at you? -Ania!

-You got an e-mail. -From mom?

It’s coming!

Is it?

Oh, and I checked.

Birds really don’t have allergies.

-Is it coming? -It is, one second.

It’s here!

A kangaroo!

But how did mom sail to Australia so fast?

She was in the Philippines.

Yeah, how?

Maybe she’s in New Guinea. They have kangaroos too.

And now it’s time

to jump right ahead to your room and do your homework.

Is uncle Enzo’s ex-girlfriend sailing with mom?

-Jesus. -And why is she naked?

Isn’t she embarrassed?

Pancakes, anyone?

Enzo is calling.

THREE MISSED CALLS

Call him back. Talk to him.

-Maybe later. -There’s nothing to talk about.

Maybe he didn’t know she’s pregnant.

-It doesn’t change anything. -Of course it does!

If he didn’t know, he didn’t lie to you.

But I still slept with the wrong guy.

Get over it.

It happens.

Even to good families with pianos.

You know...

they like classical music and so on.

-I thought he was the one. -It was before or after?

Before, I wasn't thinking. Otherwise there'd be no after.

High five, guys! My poor hand!

-Give me that. -Thanks, I'm fine.

Of course you are.

Your methods didn’t work. On that girl, you know.

Maybe she wasn't as dumb as you thought.

Make sure Ania is rested on Thursday.

-We have a test. -Sure thing.

Why are you so grumpy?

I’m not. Excuse me, I have to go.

This is a rehearsal. The show will be great.

-Let me talk to Alicja about this. -You really shouldn’t.

-Alicja is very organized, so… -What?

She doesn’t like improvisation. Try to be precise.

Listen. This is not a good show, is it?

We’re just too close to it.

You think? Maybe let’s take a poll?

A poll? Now? This is our dress rehearsal.

-I need a drink. -What?

Do you live here?

-Why? -A child is in danger.

-What child? -A student.

-What student? -Listen.

This mousy girl, no heels, big glasses.

She lives here, that’s her student. I need to find her.

Mousy?

I know who you mean.

One lives at the fourth floor, entrance D.

The other on the second, entrance C.

Okay, thank you.

Start with entrance D.

Entrance D, okay. Thanks.

-You’re welcome. -Entrance D…

MS. ZOFIA - 22 MISSED CALLS

Klaudia's not here. Warum?

Don’t worry. I’m sure she’s on her way.

What could be more important than being here, at the rehearsal?

-Maybe she had an accident. -Accident, my ass.

I see the boss likes it all fresh. Not just ad ideas.

I wonder how they cope with the age difference.

-Different sexes. -Different tax thresholds.

What’s it called? Sponsoring.

Maybe that’s his…

niece?

I’ve heard Klaudia has uncles, too.

I’ve heard they travel together.

-Where do I find such an uncle? -Underwear shows.

-Klaudia doesn’t do public shows. -Sure.

But she must do private ones.

It’s me, your dad.

Open the door!

-Kazik! -I’m not coming out.

I’m Kazik’s dad.

My wife told me to pick him up. He won’t come out.

I never hit him!

Kazik. You wanted to talk to me.

It’s hard talking through the door. Can I come in?

Just you, not my dad.

Okay.

-I can’t come out. -Why?

Everyone will laugh

and dad will say I’m a girl.

What happened?

Łukasz spilled his juice on me and told everyone I wet my pants.

What do I do now?

I have an idea.

We’ll dress you up as Ali Baba.

Ali Baba? Are you messing with me?

Just a little. Come on.

Bravo. Great job.

Where is Klaudyna?

Klaudia will be right here.

This is unbelievable. No basic…

-Completely unprofessional. -I’m sure she had a reason.

She is ruining the rehearsal for an event that everything depends on.

Including your life, dear.

You’re delusional.

-Can we start? -We can.

Andrzej, let’s go!

Make the kiss shorter.

Is Ms. Alicja mad at you for kissing Ms. Monika?

No, she’s not mad.

And this is Ms. Klaudia.

No, that’s Ms. Monika dressed up as Ms. Klaudia.

I don’t know why, Ms. Monika is prettier.

You’re confused.

No, I’m not.

This bird really has blue legs,

and that was Ms. Monika dressed up as Ms. Klaudia.

And in the picture, too.

No!

Ok, you can go.

Everything will be all right.

-Calm down. -Not a chance in hell!

He won't cheat on me with someone like you!

Alicja!

Klaudia, let go!

-Pull her away! -You pull her!

Let go!

You broke my arm!

Touch my hair again and I’ll break both of them.

What are you doing?

Calm down.

It’s stress.

Excuse me. Will you be paying the bill?

The lady drank 500 ml of gin.

-Pay it, Szymon. -I did, so what?

I’m not a minor, I’m not pregnant. I can drink all I want!

Alicja, what’s wrong with you?

-Help me out. -Klaudyna, you're out.

Calm down.

I wanna go home.

She’s not pregnant?

Pregnant? No way. Come on.

-Have you seen Klaudia? -She left.

-Alone? -Why?

I just wanted to take a closer look.

Nice chicks are like snakes.

If they want to, they can slither away.

Right.

COMMERCIAL PHOTO SHOOT

10:00 A.M. – CAFE BISTRO

DINNER WITH ADAM

Thanks.

-What can I get you? -Lots of ice-cream.

-Three scopes? -Three servings.

You can’t eat that.

-Wanna bet? -How much?

-A fourth serving. -Deal.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Waiting for good luck. And you?

Same.

Here it is.

-Right. -Thanks.

-Hello! -Hi.

What a coincidence!

I’m meeting Klaudia here.

To sign a contract.

Not anymore. She is not coming.

-I’ll be off, then. -Wait.

Don’t go yet.

Monika.

This is Jacek.

-The best ad man in town. -Hi.

Monika Grabarczyk.

You must be a model.

Surprisingly, no. She teaches my Andrzej’s kid.

Your Andrzej’s?

-My brother’s! -Relax, it’s the 21st century.

Klaudia is not coming, so I’ll be on my way.

-Bye, see you! -Bye!

-May I? -Sure.

Fourth one, on the house.

-Thank you. -Unbelievable.

No way. Do you need help with that?

All right. My jacket.

If you were a model, you couldn’t eat all that.

Why? Do you think teachers are fat?

They are. Especially you.

Jacek liked you. And he’s the expert.

Weren’t you ever tempted to, you know…

give modeling a shot?

Just to hear that I’m too old in a couple of years?

All girls want to be models.

Not all girls.

Who did you want to be?

-A teacher. -No way.

It’s true. I taught younger kids to read.

Who did you want to be?

I had whole notebooks filled with pictures of cars.

-I wanted to drive them. -See?

Our dreams came true.

I have one more dream.

What is it?

A walk in the rain.

-Can I give you a ride home? -I’ll take the bus.

I didn’t know the situation was so serious.

They could close your school.

That’s the worst case scenario. If the exams don’t go too well…

I’ll just get kicked out.

Ania will do good, though, right?

I don’t know.

I’m joking! She is really good.

But we need to remember she is having a tough time now.

This might affect her score.

What happens tomorrow?

It’ll be all right.

You’re unbelievable.

You’re not scared of anything?

Now I know why kids are crazy about you.

You might be right.

Childish men always liked me, too.

That’s right, I am childish.

What?

I really am childish.

-But you don’t like me. -Says who?

It’ll be all right.

Ania.

Come here.

It’ll be all right.

We’re all rooting for you.

Your dad, your uncle. Your mom, too.

Go.

This is our final judgment.

The results of this exam

will determine your future in my school.

Excuse me.

Have you seen my… Here it is.

Who’s that?

Seriously? That’s Ania’s teacher.

Ania said her teacher was pretty, like her mom.

She was right.

And she’s a good teacher, too. Ania says the exam was easy.

How about…

her?

She looks like a heartbreaker. Like Kasia.

Like if she was saying, "Look at me, I'm beautiful."

Enough about Kasia!

She’s a model, she has to be beautiful.

Is she haughty in person, too?

-I can’t figure her out. -You?

That’s hard to believe.

-Maybe she’s taken? -That’s not it.

-For sure? -Yes.

-That’s jealousy. -I’ve never been jealous!

That’s for monogamists.

Look. Just look at her.

I’m starting to like this one too.

Can’t you just choose one of them? They look alike.

Similar proportions, almost symmetrical face,

-eye size and position… -You’re being an architect.

And you’re not being an engineer.

I feel weird in here.

You look like dad. You talk and act like him.

Thanks.

Which one is better?

-Burgundy. -Black.

Surprising choices.

Look.

They go with both dresses.

They’re pretty. Thanks.

What happened to you?

Kasia wrote me.

She says it was a mistake. She’s coming back.

She misses Ania. And me.

-That’s good, right? -For you, maybe.

I’m not like you two! What was that, a life pause?

She shouldn’t have left Ania, but we were taking care of her.

I can’t think of her with another man.

She did not cheat on you!

She was just tired and needed a break, so she didn't lose her mind.

-Get up. -Why are you so understanding?

I’ve been through all the laundry, school trips and swimming pools.

It takes a hero to do all that.

-She left! -She has big dreams.

You kept a wild bird in a cage. You’re lucky she’s coming back.

So suddenly?

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

This night will be filled with special cars and special ladies.

It’s time to meet the protagonists of our romantic story.

Why are we here?

You’ll see.

If I’m right, your jaw will drop to the floor.

The stunning Klaudia

And the one and only Enzo!

I don’t have time for this. I’ve got things to do.

You’re just saying that, because you’ve never seen a car like this.

I invite you to watch a true story.

It would never happen

if it wasn’t for this beauty.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Ladies and gentlemen! You won’t believe what happened next.

But that's another story.

What’s going on? Ania!

Help me out.

Get the medic! Now!

I need adrenaline! Now!

Hurry up.

-My daughter! -Right.

Now we know what our perfect teacher does for a living.

Shaking her butt for the guys.

What’s wrong with you?

She’s doing all of that for me, to help me.

You know what, Wiesiek?

You’re a crappy person.

-Hey! -Guys!

That’s for lying about my daughter.

What a great leader, huh?

He gave a TV interview. He has a media presence now.

All those darned creeps will be mean to Monika.

-I told you this would end badly for her. -She wasn’t doing nude shots.

It’s a very good excuse to get rid of the odd one out.

My dear colleagues.

The school board decided to terminate the employment

of Ms. Monika Grabarczyk.

Wait a minute.

So?

You think that’s fair?

Stop smoking!

I’m so mad.

That was a stupid idea, but the debt is paid.

I’m mad at myself! For letting that happen.

For burdening you with my problems.

-That’s what family is for… Sorry -Ouch.

That’s not what it’s for.

A father should protect his children, not put them in harm’s way.

I’m sorry. I should have figured it out.

You didn’t stand a chance.

-Why? -Because you’re naive like a child.

And you have a good heart. That’s why those bastards used you.

They’ll terrorize you, drag your name through the mud.

-I don’t regret it. -Don’t try to make me feel better.

I was so popular.

You’re usually careful with men.

I am. But Klaudia isn’t.

Klaudia? Oh, right!

-Stop crying. -I’m not crying.

Yes, you are.

I was going to introduce a new math program.

I’m so ashamed.

You shouldn’t be. You look great, all pimped up.

Great.

But why do kids have to suffer?

-What? -What were you thinking, saying that?

Leave her alone.

Calm down. Nothing is set in stone yet.

The headmaster is talking to the parents.

Do you see that?

Oh my!

Look at that!

You have to see this.

Ms. Monika! Ms. Monika!

Let’s go join them.

Ms. Monika!

This calls for a smoke!

-This tension… -Don’t do it.

-Darn, I’m out. -Great!

Get a candy bar.

-The best specialists couldn't do it. -We want to--

I understand you’re here to complain about Ms. Grabarczyk?

Not at all.

-I’m Kazik’s dad. -I remember.

Thanks to Ms. Monika, my son stopped stuttering.

She saved my daughter’s life.

-We don’t want another teacher. -Exactly.

Excuse me. Come in!

-The results. -Thank you.

Exam results. Now we’ll know everything.

I’m mad the kids have to go through this.

Monika…

Or Klaudia? What do I call you now?

-I’m confused. -Which one do you prefer?

Twice the beauty. Twice the brilliant mind.

Now you’ll say it was my fault.

I won’t.

Monika teased you. Klaudia provoked you.

Now they’ll both pay for it.

I have to thank you.

For what?

Doctors say you saved Ania’s life.

And I ruined mine.

My brother invites you to dinner. Will you come?

Perfect. We can honor the death of my career.

Which one?

We have the test results. Come with me.

The exam results in our school are mostly average.

Only one class achieved a very different score.

It comes as no surprise that it was Ms. Monika’s class.

I was right all along.

Ms. Monika is a great teacher

and she deserves an award for the best result in the district.

Bravo!

Nine points above average with very balanced scores.

-Congratulations to all of you. -Thank you.

For you. From all of us.

Thank you. But why the golden roses?

They were no diamond ones.

Ms. Monika has a boyfriend!

Enzo and Monika Sitting in the tree

K-i-s-s-i-n-g!

I’ll show you the pictures my mom sent me.

The pictures were a good idea. The kid is elated.

Don’t even.

It was an honest mistake. Haven’t you ever done it?

You haven’t, right?

Are you really moving out?

I’ll miss Ania.

-Did you order something? -No.

Ania! Can you check who’s at the door?

-It’s mom! She’s back! -Kasia?

I’m glad it all worked out.

Honestly, though…

I kinda liked it.

-You don’t like kids! -What?

Enzo didn’t like kids. Stefan loves them.

-Where to now? -I don’t know.

-You’re driving. -No way!

-Really? -Just be good.

Subtitle translation by: Agata Rudowska