Original subtitles

Hey, guys.

Hey. Long day at work, huh, Ma?

Yeah, we were gonna have dinner without you, but then we remembered you're the

one who cooks it. Yeah.

Ben, I work.

You don't. Who do you think should cook? Well, I think it should be that guy on

TV who goes, Bam!

But he's not here.

Are you trying to get a whoopin'? Something

tells me you haven't found your assistant.

You know, just make sure you check all those references, Mom. Well, I've talked

to all their parole officers.

Well, a bunch of people called here today. I've been on the phone all day.

Boy, unemployed people are sure chatty.

Well, I'm desperate.

Does anybody sound interesting?

Tell her about that guy that called this afternoon. He sounded really good.

He did? Yeah. Tell me. Well, let's see. He's in his early 20s, married, has a

kid. Sounded like a pretty cool guy.

He really wanted the job. Oh, my gosh, that's him. That's the guy.

Oh, give me his number. Well, I don't think he left a number. What? He had to.

Go check and see if he left a message. Okay, I'll go do that. Why don't you

start shaking a pot?

We've got to find that guy. How much does the bounty hunter cost?

You really worked up about this, huh? Cheyenne, you have no idea what it's

out there.

One guy wanted two weeks off so he could go back to Middle Earth.

Oh, you know what?

I know what you do.

You dial star 69. It'll call him right back.

Nobody use the phone since he called? No. Oh, my God.

Yeah?

Hello?

Don't hang up on me. My name is Reba Hart, and I got a job for you.

And my name's Ben Montgomery, and I'll take it.

with me, you're gonna be home alone for about an hour after school.

You gonna be okay?

Don't worry, Mom. I'll be fine. I have everyone's phone number and a box of

matches to play with.

Well, on the plus side, the house will be full with firemen when I get home.

I'm gonna be alone in the house after school.

Tell some of your girlfriends to stop.

out of your pajamas.

So it's true, Mom? You actually hired Van?

Yes, I did.

You know, maybe I should have thought about it for a moment more.

But, you know, give the family a chance, right?

Van's better than nothing.

Right, Carol?

You'd be better off putting a tie on a monkey and letting it loose in your

office.

Would you like to buy a house?

Seriously,

Mom.

Van,

you're not selling houses. You're my assistant, who happens to be late for

first day of work.

Oh, come on. I'm golden. I'm married to the boss's daughter.

There he is.

Hey, Van.

I brought you a little something for your first day on the job.

It's my very first briefcase.

Wow. Yeah.

must be a hundred years old.

It, uh, smells like socks.

Yeah, well, I used to carry my workout gear in there back in the 80s. You know,

I was the only straight guy at Jazzercise.

Oh,

Reba. Very smart.

Hiring somebody in the family that you can trust. You know, especially somebody

who can type 80 words a minute.

What? I can't type that fast.

Oh, no.

Wait a minute, that's me.

Van must be the person in the family who's taken several computer classes at

Y.

Oh, shoot, no, that's me.

CPR class, me.

Licensed operator back home, me.

Barbara Jean, the reason I didn't ask you if you wanted the job is because you

said you've always wanted to be a full -time mom.

Oh, thank you for respecting that.

You're welcome. So that's the only reason you didn't hire me? Yes, that and

being crazy, thanks.

Well,

you two have fun. I'm sure it'll be great. Oh, absolutely.

Unless somebody has a heart attack or needs me to dig a trench.

I'll keep myself on.

Well, are you excited, Van? You ready to get started?

Oh, you bet. But you know what? This morning is practically shot. Can we just

straight to lunch?

Well, the morning is practically shot because you didn't get out of bed until

put that waffle under your nose.

So it wasn't a dream.

Look, Van, I need you to take this seriously.

This is more than just a job to me. It's my career.

And what you do reflects on me.

Got it. Okay. In that case, I'm going to need another half hour with the hair

dryer. No, you're fine.

No, listen.

All you need to do is remember the three Ps to be a good employee.

Well, a good thing aren't two, or it'd be pee -pee.

Punctuality, preparedness, and professionalism.

Got it? Got it. Okay. No, I wasn't listening. I was still thinking about my

hair.

Here, let me get it for you.

Now let's go!

That's what makes it fun.

Haven't you ever done anything dangerous?

Well, no.

My parents are really strict and mean. They never let me do anything.

I don't see your parents around.

Now remember, Barbra Jr. If you crash, go away. Yeah.

I've seen all day?

Because I get to work with Van.

So,

Reba,

things didn't go well with Van today?

Here was right. I should have hired a monkey.

Oh, Reba, you can't. The laws are so strict.

I could just kill Van.

See, I was showing this house to a couple for like the fifth time. When Van

comes in late, grabs a couple of beers and says to the husband, Hey, dude, you

want to go outside and shoot some hoops?

Man and balls.

Oh,

Cheyenne, honey, I think I'm having second thoughts about your husband. Too

late. You should have piped up at the wedding.

Cheyenne, he's starting to interfere with my clients. I think he cost me a

today. Look, Mom, I have got a lot going on. For eight hours a day?

He's your problem.

Fine.

When Van gets home, we're going to have a long chat.

Yeah. Because I will not allow him to be out there making me look bad.

basketball. That's how I did it. I didn't want him just to buy the house. I

wanted him to buy the neighborhood, the lifestyle.

That's how that guy sold me the kayak.

Wow, that's just... Wow.

Good for you.

Good for us. I couldn't have done it without you distracting his wife.

Well, maybe me showing the wife the house did have something to do with the

decision, too.

Nah. After you left, she was against buying, but then I showed Cindy the

and she was hooked.

You see, Mrs. H, you gotta know your buyer. For Tony and Cindy, shooting hoop

and having a few beers made that house feel like that could be their home.

Home, home on the range.

We were singing that. I'm still kind of buzzed.

Cindy. Hey!

Talk to Big Daddy Van.

Reba?

Are you okay? Your face is starting to get all red. It's starting to match your

hair.

No, I'm fine. I'm happy for Van.

I think it's great that he can just waltz in and make a sale without even

after I've done all the groundwork for two weeks.

Well, you don't sound happy. Well, I am.

Well, all I know is that if my son -in -law did this, well, which would be

because, you know, I only have a son, which would mean Henry would have to be

gay.

I mean, I'd love him just the same, you know.

But I don't think he's gay.

But he sure does know his colors.

I'm going to go home.

Okay, Jake, if I can't trust you at home, I'm gonna hire a babysitter.

Cool.

Babysitters are hot.

I don't like this age. Go on upstairs to your room.

Howdy, partner.

Hey, check this out.

Montgomery Hart.

Because you gotta have Montgomery.

See what I did there?

You thought it was going to read because you got to have heart. I went the other

way.

Well, I would have gone the normal way, but then again, I'm normal.

What's this for exactly?

We could be partners.

No, we really couldn't be partners because you really don't have your real

estate license. Eh, details.

Not details. It's the law.

That is what's so great. You know the law, and I don't care.

Real estate agent is hard. Not everybody can do it. Are you forgetting that I

sold a house?

Are you forgetting that I own the house you live in?

Hey, man.

How'd work go? How many houses did you sell today?

Oh, still just the one. But the big news is that Mrs. H and I are going to be

partners.

Partners?

I hope you're talking about fighting crime.

No, and we're not going to be partners.

But Mrs. H, we'll work so great together.

You come in all stern and technical like, grr, look at the closets, look at

square footage.

And then I come in all cool.

Hey, I'm Van.

What's up? Want to buy a house?

And they do.

You show the house, I sell the house. You talk them to death, I sell the

I talk them to death, Van?

Like talking about the school systems and the plumbing and the roofing? She

go on like that for hours.

Hey, Van, you may be misreading the situation.

No, I'm not. Are you guys forgetting that I sold a house?

No, because you won't let us forget it.

You ripped my flyer.

We're not going to be partners. We're never going to... to be partners. In

I'm going the other way. You're fired. You're firing me?

Well, this just came out of the blue.

No, really, it didn't. I had it doodled all over my day planner.

All right, fine.

Fine, I'll get another job.

Maybe I should find something that I'm not good at so no one gets upset.

Well, Reva, what happened there? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy it wasn't

me for once, but...

Still.

I don't know.

I want to be happy for him. I should be happy for him.

I mean, he's my son -in -law. He did a great thing.

Yeah, and?

And part of me wants to be happy for him, and the other part wants to just

him upside the head.

Look, it's totally understandable that you're a little bit jealous. I mean, he

made a quick sale. He's young. He's good -looking. He eats like a pig and stays

in marvelous shape.

I mean, if I weren't exactly like him, hey, I'd want to smack him, too.

So you don't think I'm a terrible person for feeling this way?

No.

It's just that it's so easy for him and so hard for me.

I've got a lot riding on this.

Sometimes I lie in bed at night wondering what's going to happen if this

work out.

Hey, you remember when I got out of college and we started the dental

Yeah. Boy, I was so nervous. I made a ton of mistakes.

But you remember what happened?

We got that malpractice insurance?

No,

I relaxed, and everything worked out.

Okay? You're just too uptight. I mean, Van sold that house because he was

relaxed. He was just being himself, and people can sense that.

So you think I ought to be more like Van?

Well, yeah.

Oh, come on, Brock.

I got three important... Appointments tomorrow? I can't act like some surfer

cough medicine.

No, you don't have to act like him. You just have to think like him. Come on,

give it a try.

No.

Okay, fine. Fine, don't change. We all, grr, look at the closets.

Okay, fine.

I'll think like Van.

Ow, that hurts.

Just make your mind go completely blank.

Hi, I'm Barbara Jean.

I've got work to do. I thought you were mad at me.

Why would you think that? Because you yelled at me, fired me, and tore my

I'm sorry about that, Van.

I was feeling, well, insecure, and I was taking it out on you.

But I don't feel that way anymore, because you know why?

I sold a house this morning.

What? You?

Yes, yes.

You know, I got to thinking that you don't take anything seriously, and so I

didn't, and...

It worked.

Can you believe it? You taught me something.

Look, I'm sorry about all that stuff I said yesterday.

Turns out that we could really be a good team.

So Montgomery Hart is back in business.

Well, Hart is.

Montgomery is her valuable assistant who has lots of talent, but needs to learn

how to act like a professional.

Oh, come on, Mrs. H. You're the only one at the office that doesn't go for this.

You can have all the good times you want, but if you don't show up, act like

know what you're doing, and be prepared, none of that means anything.

That's something you can learn from me.

So get up, get dressed, and let's sail, sail, sail.

We've got a busy day today.

We've got two open houses, a caravan, and an

empty

liquor bottle.

What's this?

Well, I was going to put a ship in it.

Is this why you've been sleeping late and not showing up for stuff?

Because having a few beers is one thing, but having bottles in your closet is

not good. Yeah, but Mrs. H... I know.

And look, I know it's been pretty rough on you since you left football.

But with this real estate thing, I think you found something that you can be

really good at.

And it would just be plum stupid if you let this drink and mess it all up.

Okay. Van, you need to promise me that this is going to end.

I promise.

Good.

So get dressed and come on downstairs, because next time it won't be just a

waffle, it'll be the waffle iron.

All right, so I just dropped Elizabeth off at daycare.

What's wrong?

Is this your bottle?

What?

Why would you think that is my bottle? Well, it's not mine, and if it's not

yours, then our three -year -old has a major problem.

What's going on, Cheyenne?