Original subtitles

Cheyenne, we're going to be in Denver for two days. How much stuff did you

Well, I need it because I dress according to my mood.

It feels like you're going to be awfully moody.

Don't make me pack my angry clothes.

Not sexy.

Mom, thank you so much for watching Elizabeth this weekend.

Oh, you're welcome. But when you get back, you need to take her to preschool.

The teachers are starting to think she's mine.

At your age, Mrs. H?

Hey, thanks for watching her.

I better get these out to the car. Yeah, I don't want to miss our plane. I am so

excited about going to Denver. Oh, you are going to love my apartment. I know.

Reva, big news.

Kira's coming over any second to tell you she met a boy. Oh, no.

Now, she told me not to tell you, but I had to tell you because she...

Anyway, she's going to ask you something, but I already said no, so

okay?

Oh, so the penguin says to the bartender, this is my most casual

All right, Regina, did you run over here to beat me to mom?

No.

Okay, knock it off. So you met a boy. Yeah.

His name is Tim.

He's really cute and really nice and super smart. Oh, he sounds great.

Yeah, but here's the deal. The problem is I can't see him. And it's not because

they're from different worlds.

You know, like Danny and Sandy and Grease.

She's all like, Danny!

You know, and he's like, well, I don't know Sandy. You know me.

You know Danny. You go to the phone book and you don't know.

It's the way you guys have set up the rules. I'm not allowed to be with a boy

alone in the house, and you guys are never home.

Oh, I see.

So I was hoping you'd change them.

Hold on to that hope.

It'll help you through the tough times.

That's what I told her.

Too bad, so sad.

Mom, I could have not said anything and just snuck around to see him, but I

didn't. I came to you guys first.

You mean second.

She was listening on the phone.

She's talking on the phone and I was trying to call my friends.

Haven't I always been responsible? I mean, doesn't that count for something?

Well, you got a good point.

Okay, you can bring your boyfriend here after school. But there is one rule

that's not up for debate, and it's the same rule your grandma gave me.

No boys upstairs and no hanky -panky downstairs.

Grandma said hanky -panky.

Actually, she said something else that I'm not comfortable repeating.

Thanks, Mom.

You're welcome.

You're welcome from the both of us. Okay.

You need to skip to my luma, darling.

A girl her age cannot be trusted with a boy.

He'll say she looks pretty, she'll blush, and the next thing you know,

the back seat of his B210 parked underneath the water tower.

Sure, it's my daughter, and I trust her. Oh, and I don't get a vote in this?

You're a step -parent. You get half a vote.

So, everybody in favor, say aye. Aye. Everybody opposed, say nay. Nay. I win.

I can't talk. I've got to run to the market and get something for dinner.

If you want to stay, I'd love to have you.

Sure. Can Chip stay, too?

Is Chip here? Oh, I'd love to meet him.

Mom,

he's taken.

Chip, this is my mom.

Nice to meet you.

At least he wore nice underwear.

Kira, can I see you in the kitchen for a minute? Sure, Mom.

Isn't he cute?

Probably. What's your guess?

He's so smart and so sweet. And, Mom, the best part? He's in a band.

Well, that is the best part.

Look, Kira, I've changed my mind.

I don't feel comfortable with Chip coming over here after school

What? You just said this morning that I could.

Yeah, you know, but in order for a boy to date my daughter, I have to be able

pick him out of a lineup.

You said you trusted me. I know, but I have to trust him, too.

Why doesn't he say anything?

That's just not polite.

Chip's shy.

Shy?

Yeah. You know, jails are full of shy boys.

just judging him on his looks. Hey, don't blame me. You're the one that let

see him.

Okay, okay, fine.

He can stay.

Where are you going?

In the living room with Willie Nelson here.

I thought you were going in the market.

Nah, I don't need to.

Then what are we going to have for dinner?

Um, gum and Cheetos.

Okay, fine. Give me my coupons.

Forgot my keys.

Notice how unexpected that was?

How did that light, you know, just pop in unexpected -like?

So I'll see ya.

Or maybe I won't.

my apartment. Oh, this thing's great. You put an empty can of anything on

the next day, gone.

And this is the door to my apartment.

And this is my apartment.

Well,

isn't it great?

Well, it totally matches the hallway and the elevator.

Check this out.

Huh?

I can sit here and watch TV. I can sit here and watch TV.

Uh -oh.

I'm a little thirsty.

I hope I can see the TV from the kitchen.

I can.

I can.

I can see the TV from the bathroom if I leave the door open and angle the

mirror.

Scared the heck out of the maid once.

Well, you haven't gotten much chance to do decorating, have you? Are you

kidding?

They had the fire evacuation plan in this frame, but I chucked it.

So do you like the place?

I think I'm going to.

It's weird. Every time I talk to you on the phone, I picture what this place is

going to look like, and, well, now I know.

It's like this.

You know, when I talk to you on the phone, I'm usually nude.

Yeah, yeah, you tell me that every time.

It's closed, right?

Oh, look at there.

Curtains.

So, you want to see the bedroom?

Well, don't you need to practice?

That's what I'm talking about.

Daddy needs a little practice.

Oh, shoot.

Football practice.

I got to go.

All right, we'll finish the tour later.

Okay, I think I'm going to straighten up a little bit. No, no, no, don't.

Okay? If you're hungry, there's cereal, but the prizes are gone.

When I come back, we'll go out and see Denver, or... Finish the tour?

I love you so much. I love you, too.

Oh, hey, and if you drink a can of soda, put it out here. Okay.

And you, you can watch TV from here.

is ridiculous.

One hour in the express lane.

Mom, I've got my own problems.

I want to watch Pokemon and cure her friend. You're hogging the living room

again. Oh, I'm sorry, honey, but they have to be in there.

Why can't they just go back upstairs?

Did you say back upstairs?

Yeah, they weren't curing them for like an hour. Now they won't let me

downstairs when Pokemon's on.

Jake, are you sure?

I think I know when Pokemon's on.

you. Why?

She broke the rules. She has to be punished.

She'll be mean to me. Last time I had towels on her, she drew hands on my

armpits with a marker while I was sleeping.

Okay, I won't tell her it was you.

Did she draw the mustache on you last week?

No, that was me.

I got my eye on this girl in the eighth grade.

Okay, Kara, play date's over.

What? You heard me.

He didn't, but you did.

Me? Well, Chip, I guess I'll call you later. Sorry about my mom. This is one

those things I was telling you about.

What was that all about? I think you know.

What, that you don't keep promises?

Remember the rules we talked about?

Yeah. Pretty easy to understand, uh -huh. I guess. Yeah.

Did you break the rules?

No.

Maybe I wasn't clear. Did you go upstairs with that boy?

Oh, that is clear.

No.

Kira, I want you to tell me the truth.

Okay. Look me right in the eye. Okay. Did you go upstairs with that boy? No.

Look, I know something you don't know I know. So given I know it, you should

tell me. Okay. Do you have something to tell me? No.

Mom,

I don't lie to you. You know me. But Kira, I... I know, wouldn't bring a boy

home that A, is in a band, and B, looks like he's in a band.

He's nice. I don't know that. I don't even know if he has a face.

You're grounded. I don't want you to ever see him again.

That's so unfair. I didn't do anything wrong.

Why do you treat me like this?

Tell Willie to write a song about it.

And she lied about it, so I grounded her. Couldn't think of anything else to

I think we should kill the boy.

You wouldn't get away with it.

I don't know. This is Texas.

I'm pretty sure you'd never see it coming.

Quick question.

When you grounded her, was it just for your house, or was it for all our

All of ours.

Yeah, see, there's the rub. Yeah.

You want me to punish her for something I would have never allowed in the first

place. You invited the boy over.

I mean, why not just put on some soft music and give him a nice bottle of

Chianti?

Barbara Jean, let it go.

Reba, I tried to warn you.

Teenagers are just adults with energy.

You know, as Kira's father, I think I should have been included in this.

Oh, yeah? What would you have done?

Well, I don't know. Maybe I would have got some of my golf buddies together and

thrown a scare into the boy.

Yeah. The sight of four middle -aged men in plaids speeding up the driveway in a

golf cart would scare off anybody.

Man, something smells like... Shut it!

You're cooking!

Yep, I've been busy, busy, busy.

Van, what do you think about the place?

Little touch of home.

Little?

Is there anything left at home?

Well, the apartment was just so boring before. It didn't make a statement of

you are, and now it does.

Oh, it sure does. But unfortunately, that statement is, I'm Cheyenne.

No, it's not. This isn't just my stuff. This is our stuff, honey. Well, I don't

know if you realize this, but most of the stuff at home is your stuff.

That is so not true. You have teddy bears on your bed.

Well? Guess what?

You have teddy bears on your bed now, too.

I cannot have teddy bears on my bed.

I'm a professional football player.

Van, I cannot believe that you are making such a big deal about just a few

decorating things. A few decorating... It looks like I live in a candle store.

Yeah, but see, Cheyenne, you don't live here.

It's true, Cheyenne.

You don't live here.

I do.

I should have known you'd come here and try to Cheyenne up the place.

Why would you say that? I don't do that, Van.

your precious apartment. How did you want me to react, Van?

I wanted you to like it.

Well, I wanted to like it too, but I didn't.

So I added some stuff.

Well, I don't need stuff for it to feel like home. No one does.

Except maybe Elton John.

All I need is that.

That picture right there.

I can sit on this couch for hours looking at that picture.

During commercials.

And when I do, it is home.

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I understand that.

How about before I leave, I'll take all this stuff down?

No, don't worry.

As soon as you leave, I'm going to put all this stuff out on the table in the

hallway.

I'm starving. Let's go get something to eat. I'm cooking.

I know.

Hey, Jake, what you watching?

The Weather Channel.

More rain for Brazil.

Listen, honey, I know it was pretty scary telling me about your sister, but

telling the truth is very important.

So I got you this.

Well, I got it for your grandma for her birthday, but she kept trying to use it

to make phone calls.

Well, Kira called me a crybaby.

She's crying now.

What do you mean?

Well, I really wanted to come downstairs and hang out with him, but she said get

lost and called me a baby.

I thought you said she called you a crybaby.

Yeah, because then I started to cry.

Oh.

Jake, I thought you said they were upstairs and you were downstairs.

Uh, you were mistaken.

Was that before or after Chip and Kara locked you in your bedroom?

After.

That's interesting.

Because you didn't say anything about them locking you in your bedroom. I just

made that up.

Uh... Mom, please, I'm trying to concentrate on this. Jacob Mitchell

Are you lying to me?

No.

Did you lie about your sister and Chip being upstairs?

Yes. Nobody mocks me and gets away with it.

So did that boy even go upstairs?

No. And I didn't know he was a boy.

I thought he was an ugly girl.

Big trouble, mister.

No TV, no dessert, and Grandma gets her cell phone back.

Huh.

I don't know if you've heard, but there's more rain for Brazil.

So I got a funny little story to tell you.

Turns out that I got some unreliable information from my mole.

In other words, I wasn't lying.

Yes.

So your grounding is off.

And because I'm a big enough person to admit I was wrong, you can't be mad at

me.

Gee, then everything's all better.

Kara, I am so sorry.

Honey, when you have a child...

You try very hard to teach it good values, and then one day you blink and

all grown up, and you think to yourself, did I teach him enough? Did I do a good

job? Yes, you did a good job. You should trust me. Honey, decisions about dating

are adult decisions.

And as much as I love you and trust you, and as smart as you are, you're still

just a 15 -year -old girl.

I make bad decisions, and I'm 29.

I looked you straight in the eye and told you the truth over and over again.

you didn't believe me.

I know that now.

I'm sorry.

Wish there was a way I could make it up to you.

Yeah, me too.

Jake was the mole.

What?

He's at the house, knocking himself out.