Original subtitles

Oh, sorry I'm late, guys.

I got a new bag boy down at the grocery store.

He's 72.

He carries my bags out to the car, and then I had to carry him back to the

store.

Is Kara here yet?

Oh, no. She called. She said she's not going to make it to your dinner.

Again? That's the third time this week. What's going on over there?

Hey, Mrs. H, quick question for you. If you want to go duck hunting, do you have

to have your own gun?

Or can you just wait for them to land and then go after them with a hammer?

What in the name of dirt and worms are you talking about?

We're trying to come up with stuff to do with Barbara Jean, you know, ever since

Dad moved into their old condo. We don't want her to sit around and get

depressed. Yeah, I think hunting is good when you're depressed.

Look, when I went through my separation,

I hated it when people thought that keeping me busy was going to make me

You know what? Maybe you're right.

Ah, too bad.

I got a great duck calling.

Hey, ducks!

The best we can do is be supportive.

Let Barbara Jean work through her emotions.

She's going to look like heck and feel like heck. And it's going to be okay

us.

Diane!

I need to borrow your pearl earrings.

Well, geez, who died?

Hey!

I tell you, I am undergoing a personal renaissance.

Seeing old friends, going to movies, playing miniature golf.

You dress like that playing miniature golf?

Only if I don't want to pay.

Honestly, Reba, I have to say, if I had known asking Brock to leave was going to

help me grow so much as a person, I would have dumped him at her wedding.

have to put on a show for us.

It would be completely understandable if you felt depressed.

Shoot, even I felt depressed.

Yeah, but you're the one who got left.

See, Reba, I told Brock to leave. So for me, this is a chance to really find out

who I am.

I mean, people only see me as Brock's wife or Henry's mom.

or when I was younger, the girl the lifeguards invite into the lifeguard

But now, I have an opportunity to find the real Barbara Jean.

That is very inspirational, Barbara Jean. You should write a self -help

You can call it Knock Knock, Who's There? Me.

Good, because I've been looking for you. Yeah.

Hey, Barbara Jean, I brought you two pairs because I wasn't sure which one

like better.

Oh, I'll take one of each.

If I wear two different earrings.

People will think I'm eccentric.

Yeah, that's what they'll think.

And, you know, I know this goes without saying, but the stuff we talked about is

confidential. You know, I'm sure Brock is just constantly hitting you guys up

for information about me.

Yeah. Oh,

I don't know how to thank you.

Wait a minute.

Do you know what I just realized?

That Barbara Jean's an earring hog?

This is the reason Kara's been canceling our mother -daughter dinners.

Because Barbara Jean has been bringing her food from the miniature golf course.

No, Barbara Jean's been running around with who knows who while Kira's home

babysitting Henry.

Do you know what she is?

She's a Kira hog.

No, wait. Hang on, Mom. You have absolutely no proof that that's what's

on. I don't need proof. I've got intuition.

And my mother's intuition tells me something is wrong.

I've got to speak to your daddy about this whole situation.

But it was so funny because me and my best friend, Ryan Holliman, I mean, he's

not my best, best friend. He's like my best friend at recess.

Except for Daniel Cortez, who's my best, best friend at recess.

Except he might move to Dallas, but maybe not. But he does like the Dallas

Cowboys, but I don't. I like the Texans like you, but it was so...

Actually, I changed my mind.

You can watch TV upstairs.

I'll tell you the end of the story at dinner.

Yeah.

Hey, Brock.

Hey. Oh, I remember this color.

Separation yellow.

Yeah, the guys down at the paint store just call it Brock.

okay? No, I'm fine.

I mean, the first couple of days, I was a little stunned, but I've been working

with my therapist, and we both felt like the healthiest thing for me to do was

to focus on the things I can control instead of dwelling on the things I

Plus, she upped my meds.

Yeah, sounds like you're doing great. You know what's not great?

Kira canceled dinner on me.

Oh, well, she's probably busy.

Oh, you know what?

You could be right.

She might be busy. Good point.

You always make good points. That's why I like to talk to you so much.

What's going on? Nothing.

Oh, something's up. You just said you like talking to me.

Yeah, I knew I never could pull that one off.

It's just that I've got this feeling about Kira. Oh, no.

We're not going to start talking about your famous mother's intuition, are we?

Because I was lying before. She didn't really up my mess.

Brock, listen to me.

I know you're going to flip out when I tell you this, but it's important.

Barbara Jean's been going out every night, seeing her friends and going to

movies and stuff.

What?

She's going to the movies?

And you're telling me this and not the cops?

Come on, what's the big deal? The big deal is that Kira's stuck watching Henry

while Lulu's out playing putt -putt.

Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure that's not true. Oh, really?

Well, do you have mother's intuition?

No. I have Henry.

What? You mean Henry's here?

Yeah, taking a nap.

Been with me all week, and I felt like I needed to spend a little extra time

with him during this. You know, he's a lot quieter than Jake.

Well, then what in the heck's going on with Kira?

Nothing. I talked to her three times today, and she's great.

But I realize that my reassurance is no match for your super powerful mother's

intuition. I don't know what it is, but I just can't shake the feeling that

something's going on.

Well, I probably shouldn't tell you this.

What?

But when something's going on at my house, the evidence is always under the

cushion.

Knock it off. I'm just saying.

Go on. and we're able to pop in on him. It'll put your mind at ease.

I'm not going to do that, Brock, because when you say pop, you mean snoop, and I

don't snoop, Brock.

I'm not the snooping, popping in kind of person.

Oh, Dad, I just saw this commercial, and it was so funny. There was this dog,

but it wasn't like a dog dog. It was like Daniel Perkins' dog, but he doesn't

have it anymore because it ran away, but it was so funny. Gee, I got a story,

too.

So funny.

Yeah, I was playing golf the other day, and I had, like, 90 yards into the

green, but I didn't have my 9 -iron with me, so I had to, like, take my sand

wedge. Okay, it was a really cool shot, and this is, like, the really funny

part. Yeah.

That's right.

Hey. Hey.

So, hadn't seen you in a while.

Yeah. Sorry about canceling dinner.

No big deal.

You're probably busy.

Yeah. Doing what?

Mommy, you're acting a little weird.

What's wrong?

I don't know exactly.

Just got this, uh, feeling.

Oh, no. Mother's intuition.

You know what? People should stop making fun of my intuition.

Because if it wasn't for my mother's intuition, we would have never found

Joe's Burger Barn when we were camping in Lubbock.

Out of all the barns we've eaten in, that was the nicest.

I don't know. I just got the feeling that something's screwy around here.

Everything's fine.

I don't think it is.

I think it's weird. What with Barbara Jean going out all the time.

That? No, it's fine, okay?

Everything's under control.

Well, I don't know that.

I don't know what she's doing and where she's going and what kind of people

she's hanging out with.

Look, Mom, I can't talk about this. We were just about to go out. See you

Oh, right there.

I think Barbara Jean's a good person. I really do.

But I also know that she's easily influenced.

I mean, if she's hanging out with the wrong kind of people, who knows who she

could turn into.

was dressed like Kira?

Oh, yeah.

Buckle for buckle.

Wow.

That must have looked like a ventriloquist with her dummy.

This is so sad.

Kira dresses horribly.

That's not the worst part.

Same shoes?

No. When Brock left, Kira seized power.

And Kira's never been good with power.

Remember the time when I had to go to the store and I had Kira watch Jake? And

by the time I got back, she had changed his name to Phillip?

You know, though, he looks like a Phillip.

I think it's just best if she moves back home.

That is never going to happen, Mom. Come on, she's living every teenager's

dream. She's running the house. The person who used to be the parent is now

basically like a roommate that can drive.

That's probably why she's been canceling all those dinners.

I mean, why come over here when she can do whatever she wants over there?

Starting to wonder what we're doing over here.

This is a mess.

This whole Brock moving out thing was dumb.

Now it's getting even dumber.

Well, what are you going to do, Mrs. H? Can you force her to move back here?

Well, I don't want to do anything rash if it's only going to be a day or two.

But I'll have to do something if this foolishness gets worse and Brock, God

forbid, decides to move out permanently.

Wait a minute. You don't think that could really happen, do you?

Happened to me.

You know what this is? This is screwed up. No, honey, don't worry. Your dad

be back eventually.

Soon he'll get tired of all that peace and quiet.

It's not funny, Van.

I didn't mean anything.

I know.

He's going to go back, isn't he?

You know what, Van?

I used to be able to read Brock like a book.

Of course, it was a fiction book, but nevertheless, I could read it.

Lately, I just can't move it.

Hey.

You're right.

Right about what?

It doesn't matter. All that matters is I was right.

Do me a favor, would you?

Pretend that I came over to borrow something. I just need a little break

Chatty Jake.

So how's the condo coming along?

Actually, it's starting to look pretty good.

When are you going to rent it out again?

Oh, I don't know. We'll just have to see how things go.

You are going to rent it out again, right?

Like I said, Reba, we'll just have to see how things go.

You want my opinion?

No. Well, that's never stopped me before.

Brock, what you need to do is stop all this silliness.

Do whatever you have to do, but get back into that house.

You know...

My therapist says working on the marriage is a lot like fixing up the

If I'm going to do it right, I have to do it all the way. So I'm not going to

stop until this job is done.

Well, maybe you need to tell your therapist that there's a difference.

You're living in your condo while you're fixing it up. Maybe you need to live in

your marriage, too.

Okay, I'll pass that right along. All right. Hold it. Hold it just a second.

Just give me an idea how long this little game of yours is going to go on.

calling it a little game or silliness.

It's the most serious thing in my life right now, okay?

Okay.

Hey, there you are.

Glad I found you.

Not so glad I found you on your angry bench.

Look, Cheyenne, I wasn't making light of what's going on with your dad and

Barney. Ben, does marriage mean anything?

What marriage? Our marriage?

No, any marriage. Just marriage.

Saying that you're going to be with one person forever.

Well, yeah, of course it does. Does it?

I mean, really, Ben. Is it just like when you're a kid and you say your

candy is Reese's Pieces?

And then you go to a candy store and you pick up a box of Raisinets.

And then someone comes up to you and they say, hey, I thought your favorite

candy was Reese's Pieces. And you say, I thought so too, but you're standing

there with a box of Raisinets in your hand.

What are you saying?

That you would pick Raisinets over Reese's Pieces?

I'm trying to be serious.

I know, babe. You're just upset.

And you're upset because of something that happened between Barbara Jean and

your dad. Well, guess what, Cheyenne?

You and I are not them.

She's kind of an airhead, and he's kind of a big goof. We're not them.

We're not, are we? No.

I don't know what marriage means to them or to anybody else, but does marriage

mean something to you and me?

Of course it does.

You know what it means?

It means you're the only piece of candy I even see in the store.

I'll unwrap you.

Phillip. Van.

Hey. Hey.

I'm here because I need you to do something, even though you're not going

want to do it.

Do what?

I want you to move back home.

Mom, no.

Kira, honey, your dad and Barbara Jean separation is going to go on for a

I mean, it could go on for a long time.

Okay, fine, but why does that have to disrupt my life? Why is it that every

parents mess up their lives, the kids are the ones that get jerked around?

Okay, cut the drama, okay?

I know why you're not wanting to move home, Kira.

You're in charge.

You're living every teenager's dream over here.

Dream? Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's definitely every teenager's dream to have their

stepmom dress like them.

If it can possibly be in the mall where all her friends can see it, why, that's

the very best dream of all.

Well, then I don't get it.

Why do you want to stay here?

Kira, honey, where are you?

Mom, can we talk about this later, please?

I'll come over later, I promise.

Oh, hey, Kira.

Hey. You know, I don't know if I feel like going to the park.

I just feel kind of... Blah.

Maybe I'll just watch some TV.

No, no, no. We told Henry we're going and now he's all excited.

You'll feel way better once we get out in the fresh air, okay?

Well... I guess since we did tell Henry.

Hey!

Maybe we could hit the mall afterwards.

We could both get that mesh top we saw last time.

The mall.

Yeah. I love going to the mall now. The sales people are starting to recognize

us.

Sure, Barbara Jean, we can do that.

Okie dokie, Smokey.

Sarah?

Yeah.

During this, um...

You think?

I don't know what I'd do without you.

You'd probably dress like Henry.

You.

There's a sense of humor that keeps me going.

So that's why you're staying here.

The first couple of days after Dad left, she made a big deal about all the

people she was seeing and all the stuff she was doing.

She'd get all dressed up, but after she left, I'd see her in her car at the end

of the block.

Then she'd stop even pretending.

She'd just sit around in her sweats, order pizza, and watch TV.

Oh, man.

That's what I did.

It was getting bad.

So I just started asking her to do things with me.

Go to record stores, go to the mall.

So you've been babysitting Barbara Jean.

Which means technically my mother's intuition was correct.

Kind of like Joe's Burger Barn.

Everything was fine until the other day.

I was looking at a pair of pants when I heard the chilling words, I wonder if

they have that in my size.

Okay, I need to tell you two things.

First of all, you are a beautiful, wonderful child.

Maybe he just raised me right.

Also, I watch a lot of Seventh Heaven.

And the second thing is, sweetheart, you are a 15 -year -old girl.

It's not your job to try to fix the problems of a bunch of grown -ups.

She needs me, Mom.

Nobody ever needed me before.

I don't know.

You said the separation might go on for a while. Yeah. You know what? I think

so, too.

But I don't think Barbara Jean thinks so.

If I move out, it's like we're all saying Dad is never coming back.

Oh, Kira.

If this is going to happen, I want to see you. I want to talk to you a lot.

And I want you to be honest with me about how things are going.

I will be. I promise.

Look it.

Cute top.

Wonder if they make that in my side.

This week, a fresh episode of Steve Harvey's Big Time on the WB's Big