Original subtitles

Wesley,

don't answer that.

Hello, Hortense.

I'll see to it. Goodbye, Hortense.

Well?

Mrs. Huffnagle claims that Wesley was using Grandma Huffnagle's saw for

parachuting off the garage roof.

You could have been killed.

Not really. Grandma Huffnagle was sleeping one off on the lawn and she

fall. You go up to your room and don't come down until I tell you. Yes, ma 'am.

And while you're at it, I want you to write that valedictory speech for your

graduation. Come on, Mom. Just because I got the best grades in school, why do I

have to write a speech about it? To be named sixth grade valedictorian is a

great honor and I'm proud of you.

Great. Then maybe you should write it.

Don't you sack me, mister.

Kevin, you're home, Annie. I thought you had a date with Cindy. You won't

believe it, Mr. Robert. It was incredible.

Suddenly we started trembling. The car was vibrating. The whole earth was

tossing and turning.

Cindy must be quite a girl.

Huh? No, no, no. I saw a UFO.

You know, like a flying saucer. See, we were parked up on Makeout... Lookout

Mountain. And I looked up and I saw this big round silver thing with little

rotating lights.

Well, perhaps it was an airplane or a helicopter.

Maybe it was a blimp.

Hey, I know a blimp when I see one.

I mean...

© BF -WATCH TV 2021

What do you think, big guy?

I think those sacks look better on the potatoes.

We're in training for Father John Olympics at school.

And you're practicing for the Guess My Lower Extremities competition?

It's a sack race, Belvedere. Yeah, I put pink fringe on mine. Yeah, and I got

blue because I'm a guy.

I'll call Bellevue.

They're running a two -for -one special.

Don't listen to him, kitten. He'll change his tune once we win the

race. Ready?

Okay.

You get the door.

Greetings, Earthling.

Looking for that spaceship.

I think I finally located the Big Dipper.

Oh?

Yeah, take a look.

Kevin,

those are the Huffnagle's Christmas lights.

They never took them down.

Go ahead. Make fun. But you'll feel different when I make contact with

and I'm on the cover of time.

Just keep that thing pointed away from Fifi Huffnagle's window, or else you'll

be doing time.

I mean, I can't believe we got talked into going to the stupid graduation

It's for geeks.

Don't worry. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve that'll keep things jumping.

All right.

Mrs. Owens is ready to drive you gentlemen to the party.

Any progress on the valedictory speech?

It's on the table.

Good evening, ladies and germs.

Well, it's a start.

It's finished.

geekier than I thought.

Quick, give me a towel.

Calm down, Miles. There's a time and a place for everything.

Hello, boys.

Hello, Principal Hodges.

Let me make something clear, Owens.

I may have to let you come to this dance, and I may have to let you be

valedictorian, but that doesn't mean I have to like you.

May I say, sir, that those hair implants have taken beautifully.

Don't kiss up to me, Owens. It won't help.

I'm watching you.

Hey, guys. Hey.

Anybody interested in a little action?

Yeah. Like what?

Like a toad in a punch bowl.

Oh, come on, Wes. Get real.

That kid stuff.

But this room is full of girls. Don't you want to bug them?

Hi, guys.

Hello, rat face.

What do you want, rat face?

kindergarten. Don't you think it's about time you use my real name?

Okay, what do you want, barf brain?

Wesley T.

Owens, you are gross.

Yeah, get with the program.

I'll dance with you, Roberta.

Okay.

Fine, let's get out of here.

Oh, it looks kind of cute.

What?

Oh, I'm not going to.

Looks like it's toad time, and this.

is the place.

Cover me.

Young people, the refreshment table is now open.

I'm sure we're all grateful to our hard -working cafeteria staff for this lavish

spread of sponge cake and punch.

Yes, well, we'll enjoy ourselves.

But please, one chip only.

some puncher. Bernadette has quite a kick.

Toad! Toad! Toad! Toad!

It's a joke. I'm just making everybody laugh.

Mr. Owens, the kindergarten party is down the hall.

Perhaps you'd be more comfortable there.

Then stop acting like such a spaz. Why don't you just take your stupid old toe

and get out of here?

Yeah!

Fine, I didn't want to come to this party anyway. Come on, let's go to my

I want to stay here.

Huh? Why?

I want to dance.

Fine, who cares?

I'm getting out of here.

While you're at it, why don't you grow up? Yeah!

Yeah, my toe.

What was the cause of death?

Island punch.

Aloha.

Mr. Belvedere, do you think I'm childish?

Actually, demented is the word I like to use.

They threw me out, Mr. Belvedere. Maybe they're right. Maybe I am a jerk.

Of course you are. But don't worry, you'll do better next time.

next time.

If anyone wants me to grow up, that's what I'm going to do.

Starting tomorrow, I'm a new man.

And I was just beginning to outwit the old one.

You'll feel better with a little breakfast under your sweat. Oh, I can't.

got to do one more mob before I go to school. Ready, Dad?

Right behind you, kitten.

So let's go out the front.

Gee,

I hope George isn't overdoing this training thing.

Yes, he did look dog -tired.

Morning, all. Hi, honey.

Gee, don't you look nice. Is there something special at school today?

No. except we have a new substitute teacher and I just want to make a good

impression.

Um, honey, are you feeling all right?

Never better.

Would you like some breakfast?

We have cocoa crunchies.

Not really, that's for kids. I think I'll just grab a cup of coffee on the

in. Bye, all.

from Venus is the last word in authenticity.

Don't you think this alien lunacy has gone far enough?

Look, it's not lunacy. It's fact.

Oh, regardless, it's ruining your health and interfering with your studies.

Are you kidding?

I've never studied harder.

Chariots of the gods, communion, men who hate aliens, and the women who love

them. This one's got pictures.

See?

There have actually been cases where human males have made love to alien

Oh, it happens every day.

Yeah, look at this. A Peruvian farmer was plowing a field late at night, and

of a sudden, he was caught in a beam of light from the sky.

A beautiful alien woman came down and... Plowed his field?

Yeah, and if it can happen in Peru, it can happen in Pittsburgh.

a set of car keys, and a crocodile under the stove?

I know. That's when I keep things.

May I ask what you're doing?

I wrecked my back practicing for the wheelbarrow race.

I figured this might help.

I see.

I thought that father -daughter thing was going to be a bunch of fake girl

sports. Some of those kids are killers.

Oh. I took a hit in dodgeball when I made a soprano out of a shorty.

Let us just tell Heather you're not up to it.

No, this is important.

That little girl's growing up.

Pretty soon she'll be married to some dirtbag husband and I'll never see her.

Maybe my last time to do some special stuff with her.

George, you're gonna have to let go sooner or later.

But not right now.

Belvedere!

Belvedere! Hey, get me off this thing, will ya?

Did you have detention?

No, a meeting at the Dairy Queen.

Possible distribution deal for the school paper.

I mean, is there anything you'd like to talk about?

Now that you mention it, I was wondering if I could give a party here.

Party? Nothing fancy, just a casual little get -together with a few of the

kids. Make some contacts, do a little networking.

Oh, sure.

Hey, we could have ice cream and little hats and, hey, maybe even a clown.

Let me get back to you on that. I'm going to go make some postman weekends.

He's sick, isn't he? The Huffnagels must think so.

They've just taken their house off the market.

I'm worried about him, Mr. Belvedere.

Oh, I assure you, Mrs. Owens, that underneath that three -piece suit there

the heart of a potential felon.

Can I help you? Bob Kincaid, Mutual of Pittsburgh.

Someone here called about buying some long -term life insurance.

No. That's for me.

And lastly, of course, is the threat of economic retaliation. And that, in a

nutshell, is why I think we can't afford any more trade embargoes.

Remarking anyone?

Hey, this is liver.

But it wasn't my idea.

And there's cottage cheese for any of you young ladies who might be watching

your weight.

I'll be in the kitchen. If you need anything, just whistle.

You do know how to whistle, don't you?

Maybe not.

Hi, Wesley.

Roberta, glad you can make it. Won't you come in?

Thanks, but no more toe tricks, okay?

I wouldn't think of it.

Oh.

Hey, Wes.

Can't we play a game or something?

Now that you mention it, we do have enough hands here for a canasta

Never mind.

Miles, my man, you're looking razor sharp.

Hi, guys.

Bob, I'd like to meet a pal of mine. Bob Kincaid, Miles' mom master.

Bob Kincaid, Mutual of Pittsburgh.

Say, uh, do your folks have a dental plan?

Hey, what?

Hey, Belvedere, what kind of kid's party is this? A bad one.

Who's the guy in the cheap polyester suit?

Insurance salesman.

Mutual of pain and whatever.

How's the party going?

It's the worst.

I've seen kids have more fun waiting to get a tetanus shot.

And so we learn that Sudbury, Ontario is the nickel capital of North America.

Wesley Owens, this is the most boring party in the history of the world. Yeah.

I am going to the mall.

Yeah, this is Dollsville. I'll drive.

We've still got 15 pounds of room, Marky.

Forget it. The party was a disaster.

Even the insurance guy left.

Oh, it wasn't so bad.

I came away with a full medical plan.

What am I supposed to do, Mr. Belvedere?

When I act like a kid, everyone laughs. And when I act grown up, everyone

leaves.

Maybe you should stop acting.

Huh?

Wesley, life is a series of cycles.

Your childhood was cycle one, and now you're entering cycle two.

You make me sound like an old dog.

Wesley, I never thought I'd bring myself to be able to say this, but you've got

to be yourself.

Yeah, right.

What's the matter? Was the mall closed?

Wes, we came back because we kind of feel bad about what happened. Yeah,

Wesley, when I told you to grow up, I just meant to act a little more your

We're still your friends, no matter how dopey you act.

Well, you shouldn't act like it.

I know it sounds strange, Wes, but I think the kids are sincere.

Thanks, Bob.

You bet.

I'm awfully sorry for yourself.

We need... Ain't you?

Huh? Tomorrow is graduation.

If we're going to do something truly wicked to Principal Hodges, we've got to

have your help.

Forget it. I can't. You can't?

The greatest criminal mind in the history of the school?

I can't?

Nope.

Wait a minute.

Is this the legendary Wesley Owens who set fire to the custodian's back hair?

The boy who glued Miss Steckler's wedgies to the floor?

The criminal genius who hit a dead fish in the detention hall radiator?

The Wesley Owens who's going to lead us kids in the greatest prank in the

history of Chester Conklin Elementary School?

Yes!

Gee, it's a good thing we got here early. The place is really filling up.

You wouldn't think so many teachers would show up for Wesley's graduation.

Give the people what they want and they'll turn out.

So, did you go over Wesley's speech?

No, he told me you did it.

Have you seen it, Mr. Belvedere?

No, all that Wesley said was that he'd prepared something special.

Maybe we'd better map out the nearest exit.

orchestra for that unique rendition of Slaughter on 10th Avenue.

And now, parents and friends, we come against my better judgment to that

portion of the ceremonies in which the valedictorian will read his address.

This year's valedictorian, Wesley T. Owens, has been responsible for more

teacher overtime hours than any student in our history.

It is with trepidation that I give you Wesley Owen.

Thank you, Principal Hodges.

On behalf of the graduating class, I would like to welcome you to our

graduation. Being named valedictorian is a very great honor, but it would not

have been possible without the fine education offered here at Chester

Elementary School.

An education of mine and of Hart.

but to be the best selves we can possibly be.

As we face an uncertain future, we can do so with full hearts, knowing that we

come away from this place with the knowledge that will guide us through the

shoals and rapids that lay ahead.

Thank you all.

That's it?

Yes, sir.

Well, in that case, I guess I can release the SWAT team.

Now, if everyone will join me in singing the school song.

And while we're at it, you're grounded for the summer.

You will not leave your room except for meals and trips to the bathroom. Is that

clear? Yes, ma 'am.

You're just plenty lucky.

Principal Hodges was a county cartwheel champion.

You might have sued us.

I know.

But you gotta admit, it was a great prank.

I'd give it close to us.

What happened?

Oh, I sprained my ankle.

Oh, I knew you should have gotten involved in those fool races.

Well, he didn't hurt himself in a race.

Huh?

Well, I was so excited to be there, I caught my foot on a seatbelt restraint

fell out of the car.

Oh, honey, did it hurt?

Not as much as my pride.

I'm sorry, kitten. I wanted to be a hero and win you a bunch of medals.

Oh, that's okay, Dad.

It's like you always taught me.

It's not whether you win or lose, but how you get out of the car.

We won the medal for the tug -of -war.

Oh?

About this quest of intergalactic romance?

You got back to normal life?

Yeah, I guess so.

It's just, once you've seen something that spectacular, you want to see it

and over.

More than that, you want to be part of it.

I know.

I felt that way the first time I saw Ursula Andress.

I kept some dinner in the oven.

Oh, no thanks.

Cindy invited me over to her place, and she said I can have anything I want.

That's a good offer.

Yeah. See you.

Intergalactic twit.

Things have finally quieted down here in the Owens household.

George has hobbled off to bed, proud to know that in Heather's heart, he is

still a winner.

Wesley sleeps off the first night of his month sentence in his room.

I think it will take three days to get the smile off his face.

Kevin, having given up the pursuit of UFOs, has returned to campus.

and the study of other heavenly bodies.

I, on the other hand, have developed a great fondness for extraterrestrials.

After all, anyone who calls me slim can't be all bad.

Hey, now, Hawking, dig this. I've only got ten seconds to advise you to catch

Spencer for hire tomorrow.

Advising is what I invest.

Watch.

Sunday at 7, the world's most extraordinary couple has returned.

Alan and his mermaid wife, Madison, in the all -new Splash 2.