Original subtitles

What are we doing?

Making my ears bleed.

Ant and I are going out for spring chorus at school.

Oh. Yeah, it's supposed to be real interesting. You learn a lot about music

theory, harmonic message. And the best part is, you get an excuse from Jim.

Maybe I'm old -fashioned, but to join a chorus, don't you have to be able to

sing? Oh, no, it's school policy. If you show up, they have to take you.

Oh, in that case, you two will stand a very good chance.

off ready for school.

That's funny.

I always thought I'd be the first to snap.

As you came through the door, no one glared.

According to our new rival, life is more than mere survival.

And we just might live the good life yet.

Angela, amazing how well that song holds up.

All right, is there a Danny Murphy here?

Oh, right here, Mr. Grant.

I think I'm a tenor. At this point, anything would be nice.

Our things in Glacomora Is that little brook still leaping

there?

Does it still run down through Donny Cole

stupid song.

Thank you.

How are things in Glacomora this fine day?

Well, that was great, Danny.

Oh, I'm sure that we'll be hearing a lot from you.

All right, well, that's it for today. We'll pick it up again tomorrow, again.

Give me a breath spray. Huh? Why? I'm gonna go talk to him.

But he's a senior.

Just watch.

Oh, sorry.

I wasn't looking where I was going. That's okay. That's okay.

Anyway, I really liked your singing.

Oh, thanks.

You were really good, too.

Well, I haven't sung anything yet.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

I was just being polite. I was raised that way.

Oh, excuse me.

That's okay. You don't have to do this.

Oh, yes, I do. I was raised that way, too. Oh, thanks.

Sure.

Anyway, I was just going to go over to the water fountain. Do you want to come?

Hey, they have a great water fountain at the CinemaPlex at the mall.

Maybe we could go there.

Say, tomorrow night around 8?

Huh?

Oh, sure. Great.

That'll be fine.

Don't you want to know where I live?

Yeah.

I guess you better tell me your name, too.

Come on, Dad. We're missing half the game.

I know. I know.

Watch out, Dad. You're going to break it.

Can't we give this to both fans?

Forget it, Belvedere.

TV's broken.

Really?

My prayers have been answered.

Great. What are we going to do about the game?

cares about the game. Pee -wee's Playhouse is on tomorrow.

Hey, that's right.

Come on, guys.

We're going down to Looney Louie's and get us a new one.

Get a new what?

Television.

Well, apparently old Nellie here is on the fritz.

Well, why can't we just get it fixed?

Are you kidding?

The last time I was in the shop, we didn't get it back for two days.

Yes, I remember.

That was when you sat in front of the clothes dryer watching your shorts spin.

So what are you supposed to do when the TV's broken?

Oh, several things come to mind.

Reading a book, trying a new hobby, or perhaps even engaging in the simple art

of conversation.

Now... Maybe Mr. Belvedere has a point.

I mean, we hardly ever talk to each other anymore. All we ever do is sit in

front of that box.

Well, so?

So maybe we could live without it for a few days.

What's so funny? Nothing. I was just trying to picture all you boobs without

tube, so to speak.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I'll bet we can live without that thing just as long as you can. Uh -huh.

A month.

Maybe even more.

Huh?

You're on. Say $50.

Fine.

Come on, Marsh. Let's go upstairs.

Oh, okay.

There's something I gotta tell you that I really should have told you before.

Oh, that's okay. There's somebody you like better, right?

Well, sort of.

I'm going to be a priest.

You are?

Oh, it's because of me, isn't it? I knew I was being too pushy. No, Heather, it

got nothing to do with you. I decided a long time ago.

Oh, God, and I dragged you to see Dirty D.

This dirtbag bothering you?

Oh, no, it's okay, Dad. This is Danny. He's going to be a priest.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, in that case, stop by any time.

Well, I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow.

Sure.

Not that you still care, but I really had a nice time tonight.

Well, yeah, me too.

So do you want to do it again?

Do you still like to go out with me?

Sure, why not?

I mean, maybe we could see a nice Catholic movie like The Bells of St.

Mary's or The Exorcist or something.

I'd like that.

Wesley, what are you doing?

Talking. I mean, we're not watching TV anymore, so I'm practicing the simple

of conversation, just like you said we should.

Wonderful.

Now go practice on somebody else.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, you've got to help me decide.

Which dress do you think is the most parochial?

Another date with Danny?

Yeah, he's taking me to see a musical about Pope Urban II.

I think it's called The Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Crusades.

a soundtrack.

Oh, you've been seeing quite a bit of Danny lately.

Yeah, I feel really comfortable with him. I mean, he's cute and he's

and, well, since he's going to be a priest, there's no pressure, you know,

sex and stuff.

Yeah, we went to the drive -in the other night and I actually saw the movie all

the way through.

Congratulations. Well, I'm going to take a shower, so let me know what you

think.

big guy, but I still miss the TV.

All right, everybody.

Ready?

You too, Angela.

All right, I'll see you all tomorrow.

Hey,

Heather.

Could I talk to you for a minute in private?

Oh, sure. I'll see you later, Ange.

That's okay. I really shouldn't talk anyways.

Mr. Grant says I have to pamper my throat.

So what's up?

Nothing. It's just grad night's coming up next week, and there's going to be

sorts of parties and stuff, and I just thought it would be nice if we could go

together. Oh, sure. That'd be great.

Oh, yeah, since it's going to be my last big night out, you know, before I enter

the seminary and become a priest.

I also thought it would be nice if we could sleep together, too.

Huh?

Weep together.

Oh, this is all my fault.

I mean, there he was, a nice little monk, until Heather the Hudson comes

and leads him into temptation.

Might as well just offer him an apple.

You mean he forgot his lunch, too?

We just want you to be part of our newfound family fun.

Yeah, we could play musical chairs again. Dad had them all reinforced.

Simon says, sit on it.

Hi, Mr. Belvedere. Is it okay if I come in?

Certainly, Danny. Why wouldn't it be?

Oh, no reason.

Hi, Heather.

Hi.

I'll leave you two alone.

So, how you doing?

Okay, I guess.

Anyway, I dug up my old notes from Pennsylvania history. You better study

because Mr. Phillips' tests can be pretty hard.

I will.

Good.

No, I mean I will.

You know what we were talking about?

Huh?

You will?

Uh -huh.

Oh.

Wow, Heather.

That's great. I mean...

When I asked you, I don't know what got into me, but I never felt like this

before, and you look so pretty and understanding, and now you said yes, and

still can't believe it. I guess what I'm really trying to say is, thanks a lot.

Sure.

Oh, Heather.

Oh, hello, Mr. Belvedere.

Everybody's looking for you. Yes, I know. That's why I'm hiding out here.

So, are you excited about tonight?

Huh?

Well, I mean, going out on grad night.

It isn't every day you get the chance to go out all night and party.

Oh, yeah, right.

Heather, is something wrong?

I mean, did something happen between you and Danny?

No, not yet.

I mean, you know how Danny is going into the seminary next month?

Mm -hmm.

Well, he asked me to sleep with him before he gets there.

And I said I would.

Tonight.

I see.

Hey, look, I know what you're thinking. It's wrong and it's stupid and we'll

probably have to regret it the rest of our miserable lives. But that's no

not to. And I don't care what you say. You're not going to stop us.

Well, then.

May I ask one small question?

Sure. Is graduation present of yours to Danny?

Where do you intend to unwrap it?

We're not sure why.

Well, look, I don't approve at all of what you're doing, but if you insist on

doing it, at least make it someplace with charm and dignity.

And not the no -tell motel.

Oh, yeah? Like where?

As it happens, I have just the place.

Yes, ma 'am?

Your reservation is confirmed for next Friday.

Well, thank you for calling the Normandy Inn.

Evening, Gerald.

Mr. Clara, I didn't hear you come in.

Life hasn't been the same since I got my Reebok.

Anyway, it looks like business is picking up. Oh, yes, ma 'am. You and the

sisters have really made a go of this place since you took it over.

Why, if things keep going like this, there really will be no room at the inn.

If anyone needs me, I'll be down in the wine cellar. Yes.

Danny, what are we doing? We look ridiculous. I already told you. They'll

give us a room unless we look older. We don't look old. We look stupid.

Remember, we're the Petersons from Patterson. I thought we were the

from Peterson. Just let me handle this.

Folks, welcome to the Normandy Inn.

Thank you.

As you can see, we're on our honeymoon. And my new wife and I would like a room,

please. Sure thing, General.

Name? Patterson.

Patterson. Your name tag there says Eisenhower.

Oh. Yeah, well, um... That's his maiden name.

Oh. Well, then just sign right here, please.

You're in room number 11, upstairs.

It's a real nice one. Thank you.

Hey, wait a minute.

Don't you folks have any luggage?

wearing our pajamas under these.

Good night.

Well, it's a nice room.

Yeah.

Hey, look in the mind. There's a real pretty view of the vineyard.

Oh, look, they have a chapel out there, too.

I guess they use that for weddings and stuff.

Maybe we should have gotten married there.

Danny, are you okay? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's just a little stuffy in here, that's all.

Well, why don't you take off your coat?

Yeah. Good idea.

Uh,

Danny, we don't have to do this if you don't want to. Oh, of course I want to.

Unless you don't want to.

No, I want to. Unless you've changed your mind. Oh, not me.

Great.

Me neither.

with a sign.

Oh, look, Heather, I'm sorry.

I never should have brought you here.

Oh, it's okay.

No, it's not.

Oh, priests are supposed to help people with their problems, not make a whole

bunch of new ones.

I guess you never seen the thorn birds.

I mean, ever since I was an altar boy, I wanted to be someone like Father

Cardoza.

Someone people looked up to.

Someone people trusted.

What kind of priest am I going to make? I can't even trust myself.

But Danny, nothing happened. Oh, but it almost did. And that would have been

wrong.

The worst part is I used you.

Look, the only reason you're here tonight is because I made you feel sorry

me.

No, you didn't.

I came here because I wanted to.

Yeah, right.

Hey, look, I'm the one that bugged into you, remember?

And I guess I have a confession to make, too.

Deep down, I was hoping you'd like me even more than God.

And that way you wouldn't have to go away.

That's not blasphemy, is it?

No.

But we better get out of here.

Just to be on the safe side.

Right.

You know, someday you're going to make someone a beautiful bride.

maybe i'll even get to marry you i mean you know what

i mean yeah i do

Something go wrong with the virgin sacrifice?

Yeah, real funny, Mr. Belvedere, that place you sent us to was run by nuns.

It was?

Anyway, nothing happened between me and Danny, but I'm sure you probably already

knew that.

I think it was for the best.

Yeah, I guess.

Although it would have been nice being someone's one and only love.

I'm sure as far as Danny's concerned, you always will be.

Good night, Mr. Belvedere.

All

right,

family. I surrender.

I know when I'm licked.

What are you talking about, Mr. Belvedere?

Simply by depriving you of your television set, I've deprived myself of

sanity. This time this relentless family hour came to a stop.

So what do you do, Mr. Belvedere? Get the old set fixed?

No, Wesley, something better.

Wheel it in, boys.

And with any luck, you'll never stop sitting in front of it.

Excuse me.

Mr.

Belvedere will be right back.

At any rate, Danny and Heather are still good friends.

And back on a platonic footy.

Tonight, I recommended they see Heaven Knows Mr. Allison, the story of a

frustrated marine sharing a deserted island with a nun.

I thought it might make a nice change of pace.

As for the rest of the Owenses, I'm happy to report they spent 72 straight

in front of their new TV.

It's been pure bliss, having practically the entire house to myself.

If I'd known that was going to happen.

I would have put it outside.

All of us from head of the class would like to wish you all the best and a

holiday. Can we sing now?

If you like, but I did wish them a happy holiday.