Original subtitles

Mother unlocks a family secret for Peter on Hotel.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, what's pyridoxine hydrochloride?

Are you studying for a chemistry test?

No, I'm reading the cereal box.

I thought you told me this stuff was all natural.

The box is.

Gotta go. See ya.

What, no breakfast?

No time.

You're looking...

at the new dishwasher at the Phi Theta house.

What about Mr. Glucks?

Well, the sorority pays a quarter an hour more.

And anyway, dishwashing doesn't take any brain power.

Sort of like what you do.

What I mean is it's clean and quiet.

I have a little time to myself to think about some important stuff.

Maybe even plan my future.

And the fact you'll be surrounded by gorgeous coeds has nothing to do with

decision? Mm -mm.

Not this time. The only hot water I'll be in will have dishes in it.

Good morning.

Good morning.

How is the big country club done?

Oh, great.

After the first dance, George cut out to the caddy shack for some five -card

studs.

And when I won with a pair of threes, Stinky Pettigrew kicked me in the

What were you doing all that time, Mom?

Seeing a wallflower.

You could have danced with somebody else.

I did.

Dr. Green finally took me for a mercy foxtrot.

What was I supposed to do? I'm a lousy dancer.

Hey, maybe you guys could take lessons.

Oh, I'd love to, honey, but I don't think the Cincinnati kid would go for

Come on, Marsh.

I'm no good at dancing, and besides, you can't make me. Oh, that's a mature

attitude. I don't understand you, Joseph.

Dancing is one of the most intimate forms of human contact.

I guess you've never been high -sticked in a hockey game.

Why don't you go by yourself?

I mean, maybe the dancing school could get you a partner.

No, I feel funny about that.

Why don't you take Mr.

Belvedere? He's always bragging about how he can do everything.

I don't think so.

Hey, if it's a question of a couple of bucks, I could really, George.

Mrs. Owens doesn't need a paid escort.

Why, any man would be proud to take dance lessons with her.

I'll be delighted.

Hey, thanks, big guy. I appreciate that.

All right!

As you came through the door, no one bled. But sometimes things get turned

around and no one sped.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival, life will be near survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Don't go until all the dishes are dry or put in cabinets.

I mean, yeah.

I mean, yes.

Ma 'am.

I am head cook here.

These girls depend on me to sustain life.

My kitchen must be clean, like operating room.

Gotcha. The dishes must be washed in water, 200 degrees, no less.

How water?

On dishes must be dry like Sahara desert.

No streaks.

You'll be able to see yourself in them.

Good. I go now.

But last, and most useful information, if I catch you mixing up with any of the

girls, I will tear your ear off. Over there.

Look, you don't have to worry about me. All I want to do is wash some dishes.

Did you go to the game?

No, I stayed here and studied.

Somebody has to keep the grades up in this place.

Emily.

You are so unbelievably prosaic.

Oh, you must be the new dishwasher.

Yeah, I'm Kevin.

I'm Cindy.

I'm a cheerleader.

Hello, I guess.

Kevin, huh?

Uh, yeah.

Listen, I really can't be talking to you guys because Madam Showcraft said...

Kevin! One more thing.

Oh, hi, listen, I wasn't mixing up with any of the girls. They just brought in

their dishes.

Ladies! this is not the Berlin Zoo.

Please stop staring and return to your rooms.

Maybe you don't hear me so good.

I hear, see? Two ears.

I hear.

Good,

good. So what you do is not so bad.

Thank you.

You've got a nice butt.

What?

You rear end. It's cute.

In a sort of middle class, bourgeois, republican kind of way.

I took my first dishwasher when I was 16.

I was attending Swiss boarding school and I sort of wandered into the

He had dirty blonde hair.

And when I saw his massive forearms just scrape the strudel from the white

wedgewood, a convulsive shudder shot through my whole being.

You don't say.

Take off your gloves.

I don't want to.

Maybe just a little.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God, you smell like wet clay.

You smell like the revolution.

Don't miss tomorrow night's feature. Bring me the head of Gabby Hayes.

I'll be glad when this sidekick film festival is over.

Off to bed. Let's go.

Hey, guys.

So, how'd your first dance lesson go?

actually mastered the first steps of the tango. Oh, yeah? Yeah, watch.

Ready? Yeah. Five, six, seven, eight.

Well,

what do you think?

Looks like the last tango at Hickory Farms to me.

Well, I had fun.

Actually, so did I. How about another turn around the living room?

Five, six, seven, eight.

Tanya, listen, last night was great, but I've got a sink full of suds. Well,

what are we waiting for?

No, I don't... I'll leave. No.

I'm working, okay?

Very well.

Just remember my little suds jogging.

We're not finished yet.

So, how's it going?

Emily.

Right. Okay, I guess.

You know why I'm here, don't you?

Oh.

In a sorority, I mean.

really don't belong here.

Uh, yeah, right.

The only reason they keep me here is because I raised the grade point

You know the sorority picture in the dining room?

Yeah. I'm not in it.

You wouldn't want to be in the picture?

Oh, I was standing there.

I guess the film just didn't pick me up.

Hi, I'm Cindy.

I'm a cheerleader.

I think you mentioned that.

I see you two have a lot to talk about.

You're not going to believe this.

You're right.

I've had a horrible fight with my boyfriend, Stanley.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, what I want to know is, should I keep his

leather sweater, or should I just take it off right now?

I will, you know.

Recipe of the month, chocolate soup.

class last night when they've been teaching the swim.

Now I've got to go to work. The fly casting expert drowned, so I'm the in

-studio guest on the cross -pitcher.

Good morning, everybody.

Good morning. See ya. Bye, honey.

So, what's for breakfast?

Your mother's favorite, the Belvedere dip.

Do you guys mind if we eat in this room?

I'll make sure the dinner's early tonight so we won't be late for class.

You guys are going out again? You bet. Tonight we learn the final steps of the

cha -cha.

Oh, I gotta run.

Oh, don't forget your lunch, Marsha. Oh, thanks, Lynn.

Cha -cha, cha -cha -cha.

Marsha? Lynn?

Recipe for chocolate soup?

No, Dopey, read what's on the front.

Dear Abby, I am the housekeeper for a very large family.

My problem is that I'm in love with my employer. I can't go on keeping my love

secret. What should I do?

Signed, Confusion, California.

So?

Mr. Belvedere isn't confused in California.

He's bloated in Beaver Falls.

Well, what else would he have clicked it out?

I don't know.

Well, all I know is we've got to do something.

Look, Hev, don't you think you're jumping to conclusions?

Love is a many splendid thing.

It's the eight full rows that always grow.

It's Mr. Belvedere.

Wow, that could really happen.

They could even have kids.

I could wind up with a baby butler as a brother.

Calm down.

You want to spend every Friday night babysitting a fat kid with a mustache?

You're right. We've got to stop this thing.

How? We've got to make Mom fall in love with Dad again and fix it so she doesn't

like Mr. Belvedere.

Bad won't be too hard.

But making Dad look good is gonna be a killer.

Oh, hi.

Emily.

Got a minute?

Yeah, why?

I've composed a poem.

I'm sure you don't want to hear it. No.

Sure I would.

Bronte.

That's my nom de plume.

Spaceman.

Spaceman. Spaceman.

Can you hear me, Spaceman?

The department store won't sell me any knives without your approval, Spaceman.

Spaceman.

Sometimes I wonder if you're listening, Spaceman.

If you're still out there, Spaceman.

That was very profound.

I'm going to kill myself.

Not on my floor.

I gave Danny back his brother's Twitter, and now he says if I break up with him,

he's going to tell the whole football team that I'm easy.

Cindy, just tell him to go take a hike.

Oh, God, you're deep.

Oh, sorry, Emily, I forgot to mention. Oh, that's okay.

I get a lot of that.

him out for a pound of gummy kittens.

But there's not that many gummy kittens.

Yeah, well, he doesn't know that.

This is great.

Mom and Dad will be totally alone. We'll have a nice romantic dinner and fall in

love all over again.

Hi, kids.

Hey, Mom.

Oh, what's all this?

We made a special dinner just for you and Dad because you haven't seen each

other a lot lately.

the weatherman got struck by lightning, so they're sending me to do a remote

from the golf course.

I'm gonna take my rubber booties.

Oh, see ya.

Ha -ha.

Hey, what are you doing, Wes?

Uh, nothing.

I -beam cologne guaranteed to drive women up a skyscraper.

competition in Harrisburg, and the class has elected Lynn and me to represent

Beaver Falls.

Hey, that's terrific.

Yeah. Well, if we go, we'd have to stay overnight.

Is that okay?

It's fine with me. Oh, thanks, honey.

You know, if you shared a room, you'd save money.

Fine, then. We're off tomorrow to Harrisburg.

No, you can't.

Uh, uh, Mom was supposed to take us both to your root canals.

Oh, don't worry. I'll have her back by next month.

You've got to get out of here. Tell me about it. I told Stanley to take a hike.

Just like you said. Now he said he didn't come over here and make mincemeat

of you.

Which is really strange because Stanley's a vegetarian.

But I think that you should probably run anyway.

Cindy, will you get out of here?

Yes, Cindy, please leave.

Now.

So, my little bubble meister.

You've been avoiding me.

Don't tell me you've been slumming with the proletariat.

Who are you calling a proletariat? I'm a Methodist.

I am obsessed with you.

I think my feelings could best be expressed through interpretive dance.

I

said

no. Just leave. Just leave me alone.

You fool!

All right, hold it! Now get away from me, you stupid pig animal!

And you stop doing that!

Natalia, you can take your phony socialism and your hyperhormones and

in a Siberian rat hole!

And Cindy, you already...

You're selfish and you're demented.

And Emily, you can't write and you can't dance.

But you're smarter than all these people. And you have a soul.

But you let them push you around. Now either push back or get the hell out of

here. Thank you.

I will.

You've all got serious problems.

Now all I know is I'm not the solution.

I've had it. Now, get out of my kitchen.

back in your bunker.

Well,

it's about time somebody did.

Yes, it is.

I want more.

All for you.

I will take off my hair.

Well,

we're off to Harrisburg.

Hey, you guys look...

Dynamite. Dad looks nice, too.

Well, have a good time. Break a leg.

Oh, Mom, Dad, this may not be the time to tell you this, but I found out today

that I'm pregnant.

What? And I decided to become a rabbi.

All right, you two.

What's going on around here?

You guys have been acting pretty squirrely lately.

What do you mean?

I mean, yesterday you said you were coming down with smallpox.

Yes, and this morning I found all my underwear tied together in knots.

It's the science.

Project. We're trying to make the equator.

It would seem someone doesn't want us to go to Harrisburg.

Why not?

Because you and Mr. Belvedere are going out to have an affair and Dad's too dumb

to see it.

I am not.

See what?

The mother and Mr. Belvedere are falling in love.

What are you guys talking about? All we're doing is having fun.

Oh, yeah?

Then explain this.

Oh.

My chocolate soup recipe. I wonder where it had gone.

You mean you didn't write to dear Abby?

Certainly not.

In fact, she often writes to me.

This is funny.

Mom, you and Dad never spend any time together anymore. You're always out

night dancing with Mr. Belvedere. And Dad, can't you see what could happen?

Huh?

Come on, Dad, look at her.

She's young -ish.

She's blonde -ish.

Dad, look at him. He's older, he has an accent, and he's desperate.

Nothing has ever happened between me and your mother.

How could you kids ever think that I would have an affair with Mr. Belvedere?

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life.

Thank you.

I mean, we're just very good friends.

Right?

Of course.

I mean, we may have enjoyed dancing together.

Mm -hmm. And had a few laughs.

Shared a little wine.

And had some sore toes.

Hey, hold on a minute, twinkle toes.

You're not waltzing my wife off to Harrisburg or anyplace else. George.

Look, I wouldn't worry, George.

If Mrs. Owens and I are guilty of anything, it's just finding that we have

in common than Wesley's delinquency.

Look, Marcia, I know I'm not the most romantic guy in the world, and I promise

to try harder.

It's just I love you so much, I don't ever want to lose you. George, I love

too.

Okay?

You know, I have feelings. Okay, Mr. Belvedere? None.

In fact, I haven't felt so threatening to a marriage since I worked for Liz and

Dick.

Are you guys still going off to Harrisburg?

Why, honey? They're not still worried about it.

No, it's...

You're back in the tires.

Mr. Belvedere will be right back.

Kevin has returned to Mr. Clucks and has even been promoted to manager in charge

of neck broasting.

Still badly shaken by his time in the sorority, he finds he'd rather have his

hands in batter than dishwater.

As for George, his new interest in dance has thrilled Wesley and Heather and

surprised the heck out of Marsha.

He's even hired a private tutor to show him the latest...

Ready for my dance lesson, big guy?

In a minute, George.

Thank God for shin guards.