Original subtitles

Hey, Dad, is that the mail?

Yeah, kitten. Anything for me?

Phone bill.

I need something romantic.

Gas bill?

What's the matter, honey?

Well, it's almost Valentine's Day, and I haven't even gotten one yet.

Did you send any out?

Only 200.

Oh.

Hey, wait a minute.

Here's something for a Miss Heather Owens, and it has the drawing of a heart

it.

Roses are red, your smile is gleaming. It's time to come in for a checkup and

cleaning.

This is from Dr. Finkelstein, my dentist.

Gee, I didn't even think he liked you.

I'm back.

Well, Kevin, are you a rock star yet?

No, I'm not a rock star yet.

Sorry.

I take it the auditions didn't go too well.

I played my drums for three different bands. And the first two just flat out

told me I wasn't good enough. And the third?

They wanted me to bite the head off a gerbil.

But I wouldn't.

Well, at least you didn't spoil your dinner.

Hey, Jeff, how was school today?

Lousy. What happened?

That kicked out of class.

All right, what happened this time?

Here, give me a note.

George.

How much do we owe?

George, they're putting him in an advanced class.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, it says...

ability indicate that he would benefit from a more challenging curriculum.

They're putting him in a special program.

Hey, champ, that's great.

No, it's not.

I mean, with Mrs. Garceau, I can goof off all I want and still do good.

We're very proud of you, and we know you're going to do even better.

Yeah, sure.

Anyway, Einstein, why don't you go on out in the kitchen and celebrate with a

big glass of chocolate milk, huh?

You know, this is all your fault.

Oh, really?

You're always telling me I have to live up to my potential and apply myself.

And I did. Look where it got me.

Oh, dear.

If we're not careful, you may actually end up being an asset to society.

Not if I can help it.

Never matters for who cares when you dropkick the jacket.

As you came through the door, no one glared. But sometimes things get turned

around and no one's spared.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival.

Life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Oh, I'm coming.

Wesley!

the door, kitten?

I don't know, but he left this.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, Dad, listen.

Heather, you hold the key to my heart. Be my Valentine forever.

I love you.

Who's that one from? Your dermatologist?

No.

Well, I don't know what's from it. He didn't sign it.

Oh, looks like my little girl's got a secret admirer. Oh, I gotta go call

Bye, Dad.

Bye.

But, Mr. Belvedere, the teacher said I could do anything I wanted with...

Excuse my own best judgment.

He only said that because he doesn't know you yet.

What happened?

He abused the very first privilege they gave him. Oh.

See, every day we get 30 minutes of unstructured activity where we're free

pursue our own interests.

He went bowling.

Well, aside from that, how was it? Did you make any new friends?

Yeah, sort of. They divided us up into project groups and I was coming home

tonight to study.

That's nice.

Maybe Mr. Belvedere will make some nice cookies and hot cocoa for everybody.

Mom, these kids are sophisticated. They don't go in for that sort of junk.

Oh, in that case, I'll go out later for the brandy and cigars.

Great!

Uh, yeah, that'd be fine.

Okay. See you later.

Bye. All right!

Hey, Dad, guess what? I finally did it. Did what?

I finally got into a band. I sent them my picture and a demo tape.

And they must have really liked it, because I'm hired.

Oh, hey, are you guys planning on using the house tonight?

No, Kevin.

Tonight's the night your mother and I usually go sit in the gutter.

What's going on, honey?

Ringo here just joined some rock group.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Are they nice boys?

Well, I haven't actually met them, but they sounded okay on the phone, and

they've been together a long time.

What do they call themselves?

The Young Savages.

Young Savages.

Sounds like a bunch of guys with zippers in their noses.

We're very happy that you joined the band.

But just remember, as long as these young men are in the house, you're

responsible. Oh, I know. And I don't want to see any booze or drugs or

guitars against furniture.

Come on, Dad, you haven't even met them yet.

I know, I know.

It's just, I've heard what these heavy metal guys are like.

Standing on the corner.

These are the young savages?

Yeah, that's Herb Savage and his brothers Bob and Ernie.

Who's he?

Stan Young.

Oh, the young...

on the corner giving all the girls the eye.

Brother, you don't know a better occupation than a matter of fact.

But, Sulu, did you eat all these marshmallows?

You're going to have a tum -tum tummy ache.

I didn't eat them, Mr. Belvedere.

I used them to construct the Danny molecule.

Don't play with your food.

that algebra problem.

I already finished it. You did?

Sure. All you gotta do is multiply each side by one over x, see?

You know, Wesley, I've never seen anyone as good at math as you are. And I've

been around.

Yo, this one's easy for me.

Do you think you could help me find the variable in my equation?

Gee, I don't know, Beth.

You learn more when you do it yourself.

But it's more fun when you do it together.

Oops, they're golden on the rubber tree. Oops, they're golden on the rubber

tree.

Kerplop.

We were really quick in there, eh, Kev?

Yeah.

Something the matter, bud?

I thought I was supposed to do the kerplop this time.

I'm sorry, I forgot.

You always forget.

Okay, okay, let's take it one more time from the top.

And Kev?

Let's watch the tempo, okay?

Yeah, I was just trying to move things along.

Well, Kevin, this is music, not a race.

One.

and dolls and stuff. I give them all away to my sister. She's 17, but really

immature. Hey, don't get me started on siblings.

I've got a new art book.

Would you like to see it?

Sure.

That's a neat picture.

It's Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh. He once loved a woman so much that he

off his ear and sent it to her.

Couldn't he afford a candy gram?

but I was smart a couple of days ago.

Would you like a root beer?

They're not coming.

Eric, my mom's away at her yoga class.

It's just you and me.

There are people who know I come here.

Wesley. I'll see you later, Wesley.

Wesley, you're going to be late to school.

And I'm a temperature, too.

Well, let's see.

115.

It's gone down a little.

Wesley, what are you up to?

Nothing. I mean, I just don't want to go to school.

Why? What have you done? And can they prove it?

It's not me. It's Beth.

Who? She got me in her bedroom, and then she gave me root beer, and then she

started playing mushy music, and then she tried to take advantage of me.

Hey, Westman, you better hop.

You're going to be late for school.

I'm not going.

Why, what's wrong, honey?

Well, it seems that Wesley's having a little trouble with one of his

What's the problem, pal?

She's too advanced for me. I can't keep up.

Well, honey, you're just going to have to apply yourself.

Yeah, she'd like that.

Wesley, look who's here.

Hello, Mrs. Owens. Mr. Owens. Hi, Wesley.

Cover me, Dad.

He left your biology book over at my house. Yeah, well... I was in a hurry.

I brought you something else, too.

Wesley, will you please be my valentine?

Aw.

Don't aw her. She's an animal.

I'd also be honored if Wesley would be my escort at the Valentine's Day dance

tomorrow at school.

Hey, buddy, you never told us about any dance.

What's the difference? I'm not going.

I mean, I can't...

You're able to clean the garbage cans.

That's all right, Wesley. You can do that today.

Beth, Wesley will be happy to be your escort tomorrow, won't you, honey?

Okay, okay.

I'll go.

Don't dance.

I'm sure we can find something else to do.

with pimples still at it, huh?

It's not coming from the basement.

No, I moved them out to the garage.

By tomorrow, I hope to have them out on the Pennsylvania Turnpike.

Mr. Belvedere, this is Wesley's little suit for the dance tomorrow.

Could you please drop it off at the cleaner's?

Certainly. I suppose all the ones on your way

Must be one heck of a guy.

Oh, Mr. Belvedere, not knowing it makes me mad.

Me too.

I wonder if he's a liquid -scented or a plotted.

Ah, shut up.

Owens residence.

Just one moment.

Wesley, the telephone for you.

my body to science and she can't have it.

Where is he?

Hello?

This is he.

Yeah, I'm still going.

What do you mean you can't wait to get me along? What for?

I don't even know what that means.

Would you like a dictionary?

Wesley, I don't think this Beth is quite as sophisticated as you think she is.

Oh, yeah?

Perhaps you should call her Bluff.

Be as brazen as she is.

She'll turn tail and run, believe me.

Okay, Mr. Belvedere.

I'm going to track you on this one.

Kevin! Shouldn't you be out there with the other savages?

They want me to yodel.

I didn't want much. I just wanted to be in a real rock band.

You know, play a few parties, have a few groupies.

Is that too much to ask?

It's all I've ever wanted.

Look, I've been in this stupid band for two weeks already, and I haven't done

anything. I mean, it's kind of hard to rock out to home on the range.

Hey, come on, Kev. We're practicing how much is that doggy in the window.

What do you need me for?

Somebody's got to bark.

Oh, no, no, Kevin, you've got to start somewhere.

Perhaps when you've got a gig or two under your belt, you'll start having a

more fun. Are you kidding?

Who's going to hire a band like a... How much is that doggy in the window?

The one with the waggly tail.

How much is that doggy in the window? Why do I have to be here?

That's about it.

Well, what if my single Valentine calls?

I mean, I was sure he was going to come up to me at school today.

Nobody did.

And Valentine's Day is going to be over in a few hours.

Come on, Heather, cheer up.

Maybe Mr. Axel will show up here tonight.

Yeah, sure, dear.

May I have this dance, please?

You never know.

He's still coming, I hope. Yeah, he'll be here in a few minutes. Mr.

bringing him.

He's lucky to have such charming parents.

Oh, thank you, Beth.

I can see where he gets his good looks and rugged manliness from.

Well, ciao.

Nice kid.

We hope that dog is for sale.

old brummel here. Got your yacht parked outside?

Terribly amusing.

Quite.

Excuse me, I feel like mingling.

Don't worry, it's only temporary.

These things are such a bore, don't you think?

Hopefully I've been looking for you. As have I you.

I believe they're playing our song.

That's real.

about nuclear throwing.

I'm sorry. Mind if I cut in?

Sure. Thanks, Dad.

Hey, kitten.

May I say that you look very handsome tonight?

Sure. Go ahead.

Wesley, what's happened to you? You seem so different.

I hope I don't frighten you.

Oh, no.

Well, good, because I was thinking maybe after the dance we could slip away in

the treehouse.

Sure. It's got a wonderful view.

On a clear night, you can see the two of us.

What do you say to that?

I say, let's go.

Sorry.

Looks like your brother's doing okay.

I'm glad somebody is.

Hey, come on, honey.

I'm never going to find him.

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe your mystery man is just waiting for the right moment.

You know, like when you're both out on the dance floor and he's holding you in

his arms?

Like now?

Huh?

You hold the key to my heart.

Be my valentine forever.

You mean you're the one that sent me the card and the candy and the beautiful

poem? Your old pal.

What's the worst thing anybody's ever done to me in my entire life?

Having fun?

And here's one you grown -ups might remember. It goes a little something

this. You ready, guys?

One.

Standing on the corner.

Like when you get car sick?

I guess so.

And I guess I was hoping you felt the same way.

Well, it's funny consolation.

I do feel a little nauseous.

You mean it?

Well, look, it's the first boy I ever really liked. And I'm planning to prove

to you in more than words.

I don't know. There must be something.

We're only ten.

Yeah. I forget sometimes.

Sorry. You don't know a better occupation.

Matter of fact, neither do I.

Standing on the corner, watching all the girls, watching all the... Hey, Mr.

Belvedere. Wesley, I thought you were in bed.

I was, but there's a piece of pie down here with my name on it. Not anymore.

So, listen, I just wanted to thank you for helping me with Beth. You know,

giving me that advice.

Wesley, my advice was terrible.

So what? Things worked out okay anyway.

They usually do.

And it's okay you ate my pie.

I'll just have a piece of Heather's candy.

It's not your night, is it?

You're the best Valentine I ever had.

If I may permit myself a few Valentine's Day thoughts.

Heather has realized that disappointment aside, her heart does indeed belong to

Daddy.

Kevin has been notified that the young savages will henceforth be playing to

beat of a different drummer.

As for Wesley, I can only hope that his first kiss was as memorable as mine. So

long ago.

Maggie, you vixen.