Original subtitles

Ladies and gentlemen, it is very gratifying to Ms. Green,

it is very gratifying to the management, to listen to such

heartfelt appreciation as you have just expressed.

You all know that this is the last appearance of Ms. Green,

of our Harriet, on this or any other stage.

She'll be back on the stage in two years, sure as I'm

breathing.

Whether in two years or twenty, they always do you know

it's like a favor.

To celebrate this unique occasion, the last appearance in

public of our favorite, before Cupid snatches her from our

mitts.

As I was saying, Ms. Harriet Green, to celebrate this unique

occasion, has consented with her company to sing the song

that first endeared her to you, to me, to all of us.

Daddy Wouldn't Buy Me a

Bow Wow.

Thank you.

? I love my little cat, I do

? It's coat is oh so warm

? He comes each day with me to school and sits upon the form

? Then teacher says why do you bring that little pet of

? Yours, I tell her that I bring my cat along with me

? Because daddy wouldn't buy me a bow wow bow wow

? Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow wow bow wow

? I got a little pet, I am very fond of that

? But I'd rather have a bow wow wow

? We used to have two tiny dogs, such pretty little dears

? But daddy sold 'em 'cause they used to bite each other's

? Ears, I cried all day and ate all night

? Papa sent me to bed

? When mom came home and wiped my eyes I cried again

? And said daddy wouldn't buy me a bow wow bow wow

? Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow wow bow wow

? I've got a little pet and I'm very fond of that

? But I'd rather have a bow wow wow

? Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow wow

? Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow wow

Maudie.

She's actually waving to me.

It's the old structure look at that.

The old walrus, I'll throw him a fish in a minute.

What are you going to sit with him for?

Oh a hundred reasons.

You know it means I'm going out of your life forever.

That's one of the reasons.

? Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow wow bow wow

? Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow wow bow wow

? I've got a little pet and I'm very fond of that

? But I'd rather have a bow wow wow

Ladies and gentlemen I want to cry, but I mustn't because

I don't want to look horrid the last time you see me.

Nonsense, you look wonderful!

I would rather leave you all at this moment, the moment

when you love me most.

I would never like to grow old before your eyes.

You'll never grow old Harriet Green.

Evergreen.

As you all know, tomorrow I'm getting married, and what

more can I say except that I'm marrying a kind and a

splendid man.

? For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow

? For he's a jolly good fellow, a toast to all of us

? A toast to all of us, a toast to all of us

? For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow

? For he's a jolly good fellow, a toast to all of us ?

Hip hip.

Hooray!

Hip hip.

Hooray, hooray!

Oh Shropshire Isn't it touching, I've got a lump in me

throat.

Maudie, do you know why I'm attracted to ya?

No, now tell us, go on.

Because you are figured like an hour glass, and that

intoxicates me.

Hourglass, oh.

Hourglass.

Have some more San, you'll need it if you want to boil

that egg, huh?

You've made me the happiest man in the world little woman.

Oh, clever, cheers.

Maudie my dear, you are Harriet's understudy, are you not?

Yes I am, or rather I was.

If she doesn't turn up at the wedding, someone's gotta

take her place haven't they?

I don't know, I suppose so.

Maudie, will you marry me?

Don't say this is so sudden, because it would be a wooping

big lie.

Oh really, I'm not good enough for you.

Shropshire, the pleasure's mine.

Mine too, and damn the county.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have the honor to present to you

the future Lady Shropshire.

But this may mean that I may never grace the boards again.

London will never get over it.

A treat ladies and gentlemen, a treat never before seen on

any stage, the future Lady Shropshire will sing a duet with

the future Marquis of Staines.

Harriet do you really think we ought to, I mean remember

our positions.

Orchestra, orchestra.

? Why I wouldn't leave my little wooden house for you

? I've got a lover and a good one too

? What might happen there ain't no knowing, if he comes

? Around so you better get going, woo

? I wouldn't leave my wooden little house for you ?

Come on now, come on, all together.

? I wouldn't leave my little wooden hut for you

? I've got a lover and a good one too

? What might happen there ain't no telling

? If he comes around, you better get going ?

I beg your pardon, I have to leave.

I love you all, goodbye.

What's the matter?

Cab please.

No dear, you must stay behind and look after our guests.

But I--

Hawke will see me home, goodbye.

Ms. Green's apartment.

This is peculiar.

I'm very sorry miss.

It's all right Hawke, I felt all along it was too good to

be true.

Where is he?

11 Mock Street Heckney, should I tell the driver?

Hi Cabby, 11 Mock Street Heckney.

Right you are lady, at your case, if you say so.

My darling long lost girly.

All right Hawke, you can wait for me downstairs.

I thought I'd seen the last of you this time.

You really mustn't be so pessimistic about the future my

love.

Spent all the money I gave you?

I'm afraid so.

How?

And our little daughter?

In a place where you will never find her.

Well George...

My ship got in this morning, and the first thing I read in

the paper was you are going to be a Marshonest,

congratulations.

Very sweet of you George.

He's a millionaire, isn't he?

Well little girl we're in clover.

We?

You and me.

I see.

Good thing I never married you eh my love?

Or else this would be bigamy.

Are you coming to the wedding George?

You bet.

You wouldn't like me to give you away, would you?

Ooooh.

Harriet you must go on with this marriage.

And be blackmailed by you for the rest of my life?

Oh I'm a reasonable man, I'd ask for a little and I'd

cheer off.

After a price, and unfortunately you'd cheer back again.

Oh no George, I'm not so keen on marriage as to let

myself in for that.

But this means everything to you.

Perhaps it does, but my own peace of mind means still

more.

Harriet, this is a chance of a lifetime.

For you, yes.

Oh it's no use George, I'm sick of having you hanging around

my heels, and if I marry Staines it'd be a thousand times

worse.

Oh lovely how can you say such things about me?

Besides, your engagement's been announced.

If I thought you were going to turn up like this I

wouldn't have dreamed of going on with it.

But you must go on with it, my dear it's a gift.

And think of the poor Marquis, how could you be so cruel to

him, break the young man's heart, they say he's as sensitive

as they make 'em.

And if you let him go why he's liable to throw himself in

his own battlements, and his blood will be on your hand.

You can't go to Heaven branded as a murderess.

Hawke, I've made up my mind.

Go up and tell him that I've left the stage.

Tell him that I am not going to get married, but I'm going

to clear off and go back home to South Africa.

And me, aren't I coming with you?

No Hawke, you're going into the country to bring up

Harriet Junior.

Couldn't you bring yourself to take her with you?

No Hawke, her father stands for too much that has been

miserable in my life.

My life is going to be my own from now on.

You'll bring her up beautifully Hawke, I'm sure of it.

Harriet, Harriet my love, you must listen to reason.

She would've made such a lovely Marshonest.

Don't I know it.

? I wouldn't leave my little wooden house for you

? I've got a lover and a good one too

? What might happen there ain't no knowing if he comes

? Around so you better get going, woo

? I wouldn't leave my little wooden house for you ?

Good luck dear.

Thanks darling.

Cut, cut, yeah yeah, what's all this about.

I'm all right really, I was a bit overworked from my last

job, that's what it is.

And when was your last job?

About six months ago, but today's my lucky day.

Had any breakfast this morning?

I'm dieting.

That was terrible boys, terrible.

I'm going to send you home to your mothers soon.

And keep work, there's nothing to laugh about.

Charlie, let her go, one two.

No.

Yes Mister.

Vivvy Abbington would like you to go to lunch with her on

Friday.

Oh take a note of it.

Yes Mr. Ben.

I wanna see those girls.

Skirts up.

Mr. Ben have you decided on the blue carpet or the pink

for the ballroom scene?

I want red.

Yes Mr. Ben.

Now tempo, tempo!

Would you give me a rehearsal group Mr. Ben?

No.

Yes Mr. Ben.

Stop, stop everybody, stop.

This is a nice time for one of my chorus ladies to turn up

in the morning isn't it?

Yes Mr. Ben.

Don't you get enough sleep?

What do you think Mr. Ben?

Keep quiet everybody, from the commencement Charlie, one

two.

Stop, it is ordered, stop.

Rest up 15 minutes girls.

Mr. Ben what about these other girls?

I don't wanna see anymore girls today.

All right Mr. Ben.

Sorry ladies, no more auditions today.

Now what is it?

I'm livid.

You look a bit off what the hell's the matter with you?

Am I supposed to be your young and glamorous leading lady

or not?

Supposed to be, yes.

And didn't you promise me some really good publicity?

I was tight at the time but I did yes.

Well listen to this?

Ms. Marjorie Moore, the well known divorcee, that's a

great help for God's sake, celebrated her 35th birthday very

quietly in her tiny Knight's Bridge flat with a little tea

party.

Fish me Mr. Thompson, go on fish me Mr. Thompson!

Mr. Thompson!

Mr. Thompson!

Mr. Thompson!

Here I am Mr. Ben.

How dare you.

What do you mean by this?

I'm not sitting anymore today!

How dare you say I'm 35, the whole world knows I'm 28!

It's a new idea of mine, truth in advertising, besides it

says in the theatrical who's who that you're 38.

Oh.

And how dare you describe this lady's flat as tiny, it is

enormous.

Well you know it better than I do sir.

What does he mean by that?

We'll let that pass.

I thought it might be good to suggest that Ms. Moore has

simple tastes.

And as far as the public's concerned, Ms. Moore's flat

isn't in Knight's Bridge it's in Mayfair.

Yes Mr. Ben.

Don't you realize that what this theatrical profession

wants to put on it's feet is a new and original idea, can't

you think of something startling and original?

I have Mr. Ben, I though of it this morning while I was

cleaning my teeth.

What was it?

Couldn't we suggest that Ms. Moore had all her jewels

stolen?

Marvelous.

Get out.

But Mr. Ben--

Get out!

Ooooh.

Where's my chair?

Damn Ms. Marjorie Moore, oh sorry.

It's all right.

I don't know you from any Johnson, but there's something

I'd like to get off my chest, I'd give anything in the world

to boil Mr. Leslie Ben in caster oil.

So would I.

Can you afford the caster oil?

No, can you.

No too bad, but good morning.

I have good news to tell Mr. Pryde, the Lady Shropshire is

here.

Oh, yes your honor, miss, but he's with Mr. Ben now.

Mr. Ben?

Oh I knew him well.

I said nobody was allowed in here while I'm with Mr. Ben.

Oh but Mr. Ben knows me so well.

God bless it's Maudie.

Maudie is one of my names, but really I'm Lady Shropshire.

Hm, you haven't gone grand on us by any chance have you?

And what do we owe the honor of this visit Lady Jabaja?

Shropshire if you don't mind.

Well as you read in the papers I am widowed.

But the rumor that my husband left me in an acute state of

mortgage is quite untrue.

Sounds rather rude to me.

Really.

But I have begun to feel, now how can I put it, the desire

to return to the old profession.

What?

You never at the foot light.

Do you mind telling us what the big idea is Lady

Shropshire?

Oh Les it's like this, see I've been studying grand opera

and I thought well for old time's sake, I'd like to give you

the first chance of presenting me.

Charming of you.

Can you play that.

? Na na na na na na

? Ah ha ha ha ha ha a ha ha ha

Maudie, you've moved us strangely.

Hello.

Oh, hello.

I thought you were a publicity man.

So did I, so I was, but I've decided to go back to the

stage again.

How nice.

You couldn't get me to touch that damn publicity record

not with a barge pole.

I haven't got a barge pole.

Oh clever aren't you.

Nothing new today folks.

They always say that, I'm going to wait.

Well if you'll take a chance, so will I.

And here am I one of the greatest showmen in the business

prepared to spend any amount of dough on the public and I'm

stuck, I can't bring them in.

And I've got to watch the man that runs the Picture Palace

down the road turn away from his, and why?

Because he's got something really good to show them.

Now I've got to have something that will make them sit up

in their seats and rub their eyes, oh for a stunt.

Have a cup of tea, we can talk about old times.

Oh, for a stunt.

A stunt?

A really marvelous publicity stunt, so daring and original

that it'd make old Ben go down on his knees begging me to go

back to him, gosh, what a triumph.

But I thought you'd finished with the whole damn record.

So I have, still.

Oh I'm so tired of looking for a job.

Am I seeing things?

What's the matter, are you ill?

It can't be Harriet Green.

I'm afraid you've made a mistake, my name is Harriet

Hawkes.

The voice is the same, oh I'm going off my nut.

You're not Harriet Green's daughter by any chance are you?

I'm afraid you're mistaken, I'm, my name--

Well what do you know about that?

And I thought I knew all there was to know about Harriet

Green.

Her daughter, well well.

Do you mean the famous Harriet Green of the olden days?

Yes, oh but that was before your time.

I remember the door, the top, the champagne, suppers.

And you're her daughter.

Oh please, I told you my name is Hawkes.

What's the matter with you?

Don't talk to me I'm giving birth.

Really, what is this world coming to.

Who is that young man.

I don't know, but I think he's awfully silly.

I've got it.

I'm going to put you at the top of the tree my girl by a

stunt.

By a stunt that will make Leslie Ben's hair stand on him,

a stunt that will put Hitler and Amy in the shade, a stunt

that will make all of London cue up to see you my girl.

Did you hear me say nothing new today.

You're wrong old man, gosh how wrong you are.

Come on, let's go to lunch, I don't know who's going to pay

for it, but come one let's go to lunch.

Mr. Leslie Ben.

What the devil do you mean by this?

Oh you two knew each other, how nice.

We do not.

Oh but you must meet, such a clever young man Leslie, and

a great friend of mine.

Mr. Ben, Mister, what did you say your name was?

Thompson.

Now Ms. Maudie, I thought I came here to talk about old

times.

Oh did you?

Of course you did, and while you're here, I'm going to

show you the greatest idea ever presented.

A chance that comes to a man only once in a lifetime.

? When you're young, it's always spring and light as a happy

? Song, how many laugh at her and sing as we all along

? Though the years go rushing by and spring is a memory

? Life will always be the same sweet song to me

? When you've got a little spring time in your heart

? You can knod at all the wintery winds that blow

? Though December comes your way don't worry about a thing

? And the buttercups come peeping through the snow

? You will be young you'll be loved your whole life through

? Just as young and more in love than at the start

? And each happy thing will be Evergreen and as sweet as

? A blossom in June

? When you've got a little springtime in your heart ?

Harriet Green.

Well?

Good Lord.

Remember you of anyone Duckie?

It is Harriet Green.

Of course it is.

Her daughter?

Yes.

It isn't anything of the sort, it is Harriet Green,

you said it yourself, it is Harriet Green.

What are you driving at?

A stunt, the biggest you've ever heard of.

Well go on.

I don't know, I'm not so sure I want to talk about it

after your extraordinary behavior to me yesterday.

Oh drop that for the love of Mike.

Well my idea is that from now on this girl becomes her

own mother.

Impersonate her mother.

Yes, that's the idea.

You're all mad.

Oh don't go Leslie, don't go.

Just clever, objections please.

But her mother died years ago.

In South Africa, and there's nobody who was interested,

nobody realized it, next.

Do you realize that her mother was a very great artist?

I know I could do it Mr. Ben, if only you would give me

the chance.

And don't forget I was her mother's understudy.

And I was her dresser for years.

And I remember all the little ways of her.

We could teach her.

You bet.

Do you seriously mean that you think you could persuade

the British public that this girl is a Harriet Green of

times?

Well, we persuaded you she was two minutes ago, and you

knew her mother well.

You are no fool Mr. Ben now are you?

Yes, no, I only believed it until I remembered my dates.

Do you realize if this child's mother were alive today

she'd be about 50 years of age.

Good Heavens of course I do.

Oh but damn it, this kid looks sixteen.

Well of course she does.

Well?

Meet the star that will never grow old.

What?

The idol that brought the look of the age of 16.

What charm the use of 1934?

By looking like sweet 16.

Meet the miracle of the age, Ms. Harriet Green.

? If I give into you I'm giving into myself ?

Now Harriet come along, I'm gonna show you how your mother

always finished her numbers, come on.

Like this, big smile.

Yes, but that must come out more and these must be down.

You've forgotten this one Madam.

Oh yes, she always did that.

How lovely.

Isn't it touching?

Oh I can't go through with it, it is indecent to go about

pretending to be my own mother.

Oh but Harriet, you never saw your own mother so to speak.

I'm sure if she knew she'd be ever so pleased that you're

keeping her memory green and not meaning any funds either.

Come on Harriet, be a big girl, one one two.

Oh all right.

? If I give into you I'm giving into myself

? If you shatter my resistance

Lovely deary.

Just like her mother.

? I know it may be wrong but that would never have hold

? And against my better judgement I fall

? I am weak, now you can go and bring your speak

? And I hear no one grin oh hush

? It's not my fault if I am tucked away on your shelf

? I am giving into myself ?

That was lovely deary.

Oh give me a hankie.

You could never sing like that, they'll think you've been

taking some monkey glands to make you young.

Besides Harriet, you look so lovely dressed as your

mother, all the boys will fall in love with you as they did

with her.

Now listen kids we only got three more days for

rehearsing.

Good morning.

Morning.

Quiet.

I wanna get a polish on.

Now you watch your tempo, and you're very ragged.

And listen kids for Heaven's sake look as if you're enjoying

it.

? I'm the only doctor who can cure your ills

? No funding medicines, no bitter tasting pills

? I have a magic pure and simple as can be

? I just prescribe this sweet little melody

? Tinkle tinkle tinkle, what if the raindrops sprinkle

? Tie a little bell to your dancing shoes and the sun will

? Shine

? Tinkle tinkle tinkle, what if the stars wouldn't twinkle

? Tie a little bell to your dancing shoes and stars will

? Shine

? When you moan and groan in trouble comes around

? Heave my miles and miles of very happy sounds

? Tinkle tinkle, what if the raindrops sprinkle

? Tie a little bell to your dancing shoes and stars will

? Shine

Now listen old man, you can't keep us in the dark all the

time.

You've got to know something, tell me, is Harriet Green

rehearsing today.

No.

Is she ever gonna rehearse?

No.

Is anybody ever gonna see her at all?

No.

Thanks so much.

You're welcome.

Morning.

Hello.

Ben's a grand old trainer.

He's not that bad.

And what about Harriet Green?

Oh, come with me up in the box, I'll give you a really

grand story.

Not at all bad kids.

Leslie, Harriet's ready, she got to run through a

rehearsal with you.

Right, now everybody go to your dressing rooms and on no

account must anybody come onto this stage.

Now come on kids get on with it.

We'll be just in time to see it all.

When are we gonna see this old hag?

Time will show.

Time will show in her figure too I'll bet.

See you on the first night boys.

Now Tommy, see that the critics get their drinks in the

second half.

Oh naturally.

Yes I got an idea that the second half's a bit weak.

As usual.

Oh will you stop walking about everybody.

This is a quick change not a skating rink.

Now Harriet there's nothing for you to be nervous about.

You know what's at stake?

I put every penny I've got into this show, if we don't make

good tonight I'm absolutely ruined.

Everything's on your shoulders.

I've done everything I can.

? When you're young it's always spring and life is a happy

? Song, how we love it yeah, and sing as we're all along

? Though the years go rushing by and spring is a memory

? Life will always be the same sweet song to me

? When you've got a little springtime in your heart

? You can love with all the wintery things that blow

? Though December comes your way

? For you the buds will sing and buttercups come peeping

? Through the snow

? You'll be young and in love your whole life through

? Just as young and more in love than ever before

? And these happy things will be evergreen

? As the sweetest blossom in June

? When you've got a little springtime in your heart

? And each happy thing will be evergreen as the sweetest

? Blossoms in June

? When you have a little springtime in your heart ?

Ladies and gentlemen of the press please have a little

patience, Ms. Green is not so young and is easily tired.

The excitement of her great triumph last night has exhausted

her.

She wishes me to apologize to you for the delay, she will

be with you in a few moments.

Oh there you are.

My dear you look beautiful, are you ready?

Yes.

I'll conduct them in.

Has a romance played a big part in your life Ms. Green?

Oh yes, but the 20th century isn't a patch on the 19th.

Do you think is more becoming than they used to

be.

Yes, but red flannel had it's moments.

How old do you feel Ms. Green?

As old as I look.

Do you remember Merican Knight?

As if it were yesterday.

Were you Ms. Green?

Oh no, I've always liked my men to have the upper hand.

Did Glaston ever say anything interesting to you Ms.

Green?

Well, it was not so much what he said.

What is your greatest ambition?

To have the same effect on your grandchildren that I had

on your grandfathers.

Clever, thank you so much.

You know why she wears that high collar don't you?

No.

To hide the scars.

Scars, has she had her face smashed?

No, lifted.

And is your husband still alive Ms. Green?

No, he died in South Africa three years ago.

Really, what of?

Old age, he was a good ten years older than me you know.

Have you any questions of a more general nature?

Have you any children Ms. Green?

Oh really, please.

Come Ms. Green give us a break, look what I did for you

this morning.

Oh, how charming.

Oh, excuse me I must go consult my general manager.

What are you trying to palm off on me.

A most interesting news, this should get us a long run.

Maudie.

Now that's in the second act, and that's in the third,

and oh you must publish that one.

That's the scene with the comic, remember?

This'll be ten years not three.

Listen Leslie, keep your hair on.

We're the only four in the know, and who else is going to

find out?

The Marquis of Staines.

My mother's old fiance.

My dear, amazing, not a year older, not a muscle changed.

This is the most touching moment I've experienced since you

consented to marry me.

Let me see, why it must be quite the odd years ago.

Don't you remember?

Is it such a dreadful shock?

Have I changed so much?

My dear old Staines.

Maudie.

How this does take one back.

Why it's quite shaken me.

It's quite shaken me too.

Me too.

And me.

You don't know what a shock it was to me when I got your

letter that night.

By the way you never told me in that letter was the child

a girl or a boy.

My dear boy, how foolish of me not to notice the

resemblance.

Yes yes, I'm delighted to meet you, delighted.

And I must congratulate you too my dear, a splendid champ.

Thank you.

And if you have half the beautiful nature your dear mother

has, you'll be a model son.

I was wrong, this means 20 years not 10.

Do you think we better go and confess?

After all none of us realized it was a crime.

Ignorance is no excuse in the eyes of the law.

There's no earthly reason why anybody should find out is

there, author of my being.

So you really think we're safe, offspring?

Oh safe as houses.

Simple see there's you and me, and Maudie and Leslie.

Who else is there to know?

Oh.

Hello deary.

What are you doing in my room?

The porter let me in.

Well I'll let the porter throw you out.

Here, here Harriet, don't you know me, I'm your long lost

husband.

You mean your my...

Do you mind if I open the window?

Not at all my dear.

So long as you don't give me the air.

Well little girly, we're in clover.

We?

Yes, you and me.

Won't you introduce me to your boyfriend?

He's not my boyfriend.

No I'm this lady's son.

Oh an only child eh, it may interest you to know young man

the last time I saw you I distinctly remember you as a

little girl.

No you don't.

I do indeed I remember quite well, I never could make up

my mind which one I wanted, a boy or a girl.

Just goes to show.

Are you my father?

No chap, but I'll tell you what I am, if you're this

lady's son, then I'm your grandpa see.

Now there Harriet, you say you're glad to see your dear old

daddy.

I'm delighted.

I must run along, one or two calls to make.

What calls?

Well I just thought I'd barge in on the Marquis of Staines

and have a chat about the old days when he was in love with

your mother.

Oh no you don't.

He may remember to pay me a little sum that he lent me

some time ago.

How much?

Oh it isn't much it's 200 pounds, I'm a reasonable man and

as long as I can keep body and soul together that's all I

ask for here below.

Thank you sonny.

Pleasure's mine pop.

Well goodbye til our next meeting Harriet Green and son.

Harriet Green and son.

Harriet Green and son.

What an idea.

Good morning mother, good morning sir.

Good morning my boy.

I just fixed up the most marvelous picture contract for

you, best bit of waning I've ever done.

Splendid.

Well I must be off to the club, late already.

Think it over my dear, think it over.

How would you like to have a stepfather, what?

A step what?

He's asked me to marry him.

Ha ha.

What do you mean ha ha?

Another of my schemes hashing out.

You've been expecting it?

Expecting it?

Engineering it.

I see.

Can't you see the marvelous publicity angle of it?

Just as we're starting in on the show too?

You mean I ought to accept?

Course, later on if you like you can call the whole thing

off, wouldn't break the old boy's heart, it's only a

sentimental idea of his.

And suppose I were to fall in love, to take a fancy to a

man of my own age.

Shh, do be careful my dear.

Well it has been known to happen you know.

Well it mustn't happen in your case old girl.

And don't you call me old girl.

And if it's any news to you as my publicity agent, I'm not

only going to accept the Marquis, but I'm going to go

through with it to marry him.

And we can sit by the fire and talk about the good old times

for the rest of our lives.

It's not like Harriet to be late.

She's never been late before?

That doesn't prevent it being excessively irritating that

she is today.

You're very pevish today young man, what's the trouble?

Come on, tell Auntie Maudie.

I'll tell Auntie Maudie to mind her own business.

Oh what a very rude thing to say to a lady.

Would it be?

Thank you.

You're late.

I've been driving around the park with my fiance.

Oh not the damn Marquis.

Don't be such a damn snob Maudie.

Oh I like that coming from you, when you worked the whole

thing, you knew you did you naughty boy.

That was a publicity stunt.

And publicity's everything, believe me, isn't it

Mr. Thompson?

Oh you.

Now kids, give me a romance.

Now here's the spot for it in the show.

Now in this number here, you're chased.

I'm in your pursuit, you're very coy.

You the pursuer got that?

Right, now in the first little ta ta ta, I want a kiss.

Very coy again, then in the second ta ta ta, a more

passionate kiss, and at the end of the refrain, you're

abandoned.

All right.

? As you drum in here you I ought to fear you

? Rather than think you ran

? But I can't assemble, it makes me tremble merely to touch

? Your hand

? Though we're under conditions I'm so glad

? No proper apprehensions have I had

? All of our transgressing seems such a blessing in my bed

? Dear dear this is much too nice, it won't happen twice

? Dear dear do you think we should

? Dear dear this is all so quaint and I'm not a saint

? Dear it's too good to be good

? No love scenes on movie screens compare with the one

? We've staged now

? With the urge completely to merge you'd think we were

? Both engaged now

? Dear dear one is made from two

? Which of us is you

? Dear it's too good to be true ?

Get ready for your first kiss kids, you missed it, all

right carry on.

Watch it there's another kiss coming, oh dear.

Give me romance, come on.

Look happy, there, smile.

Now this is where we kiss.

And hold it while I fade out the lights.

Well if that's romance kids, it's lousy.

Harriet Green and son, there's a limit to family feeling

you know.

Oh there you are my boy, I want a word with you, will you

excuse us my dear?

Certainly.

Has your mother told you?

The marriage, oh yes, yes, congratulations.

Oh thank you my boy, thank you, I knew you'd be delighted.

Now I have a little proposition to make to you.

It'll be sometime before the details in my marriage to your

mother can be simple.

Now with her age I don't like to think of how frail she is,

living alone liable to be accusted by the first newcomer

who might be deceived into thinking she's a young girl.

So what do you think I've done?

I've taken a charming little house for the two of you so

that you can look after your mother.

Oh, well that's very kind of you but we couldn't, could

we?

No, we couldn't possibly accept a house from you.

It's lovely, oh it's beautiful.

I'm delighted you like the new house and I hope you both

sleep well on your first night here.

Now goodbye my dear, goodbye.

Goodbye my boy.

Goodnight sir.

Dear old gentlemen, isn't he?

Why didn't you think of one of those great ideas of yours

to get us out of this one?

Well after all, it's grand publicity.

Mr. Thompson if you mention the word publicity again I

will scream.

You seem to think I exist to give you a state in the papers.

Is there anything in the world you care for except

publicity?

Well it's my job, and I'm ambitious.

And you'd sacrifice everything for that, wouldn't you?

Good evening my children, I hope I don't intrude.

Not at all, it only needed you and the day's complete.

As a matter of fact my boy I'm shy of cash.

I thought as much.

So if you would let me have 2, 300 pounds.

You've had 1500 from us already.

So I have, but I've got a lot on my conscience.

I'll let you have the money tomorrow, now get out.

But my daughter, my only daughter.

I'm a reasonable man as long as I can keep body and soul

together that's all I ask for here below.

In your state it's not safe to let you have the money.

It's not safe not to.

Not a word, I'm a man of the world.

Now come on come on.

Well, there should be some good publicity in that.

I'm rather tired, I think I'll wish you a good night.

Goodnight.

Won't you have a cup of tea.

Thank you.

I can't sleep a wink.

That's funny, neither can I.

My tea's hot.

That's funny so is mine.

I never sleep in a strange bed.

Neither do I.

You know Harriet, I don't think this stunt is treating you

fairly.

Oh I don't know, it's brought in a lot more money than I

ever thought I'd have, a career which I've always wanted,

a charming fiance which I'd always hoped for, and a dear

little son which I never expected.

Goodnight.

? The world little because a miracle has brought my lover

? To me, though it's another place, his face I see

? At night I creep in bed, but never sleep in bed

? Just look above in the air

? And do my sweetest joy, my boy is there

? It is my prince who walks into my dreams and talks

? He dances overhead on the ceiling near my bed

? In my fight through the night

? I try to hide in vain underneath my counter pain

? There's my love up above

? I whisper go away my lover it's not fair

? But I'm so grateful to discover he's still there

? I love my ceiling more since it is a dancing floor

? For my love ?

And I hope that I may still remain the public's most

obedient.

I've got a great idea.

You have, cough it up my lad.

I think it's just the way to finish things off a sort of

marvelous finale.

I suggest that Harriet Green vanishes.

Vanishes.

Into thin air?

No no no, to South Africa.

I see, on the day before her first night, why?

Because she's tired of it all.

Yes well we don't want her to be tired of it all.

Have you seen the box office receipt.

Now wait a minute, she vanishes, and three weeks later,

her young and beautiful daughter arrives in England to

console her mother's heartbroken public by taking her place.

You see, she's been studying singing and dancing hard.

On the belt I suppose.

Yes.

No, do you realize what this means?

Impersonation fraud, we've been lucky enough to get away

with it up to now, now we've got to go on with it.

Well suppose I tell them it was all my idea.

This young man's crazy Harriet, do you know what's wrong?

Yes, I think I do.

Don't you see Harriet, Harriet Green the star disappears

and the daughter comes to England.

I see.

And you go to South Hampton to meet your sister.

My sister?

Oh Lord yes.

Oh Lord my sister, oh Lord my sister.

It's the excitement, that's what it is, he's been

overworking.

Suppose we do follow up that idea of Tommy's.

Suppose we do, then everything gets found out.

Exactly how many of us would be for the--

High drum?

Yes.

Well you'd be first, impersonation and fraud, and then

Tommy for posing as your son.

What about you and Maudie?

Well of course if you'd like to have it that you took us

in the same as Staines and the public, I suppose we get off

without a blood or a scratch.

I see.

Ah my boy, did you get it.

What would you do if I didn't give you this money?

I'd go straight to Scott and Yard and give the whole game

away, that's what I'd do.

Is that a promise?

It is.

Hey.

Darling, thank you.

Now you mustn't get too tired tonight my dear.

I won't.

Darling, come here a minute.

I've got something to confess to you.

Don't tell me you've kept all my letters.

No, no it's something much more serious than that.

Look at me closely, is this the Harriet Green you loved

years ago?

Well aren't you furious at being taken in like this?

I haven't been taken in, I knew the minute I saw you.

I remembered your mother better than most people you know.

But why did you let us--

Because I admired your plaque.

Because I like the look of your young man, because I wanted

you to get away with it, and because you're Harriet Green

Junior.

Come on my dear, I'm sure it's gonna be a most exciting

first night.

I have a feeling it is too.

Well that went over all right Tommy.

? I've been a prisoner locked in a jail

? Love held the only key ?

Here my girl.

What are you doing here?

Never you mind, I'm here and I want my money.

Ms. Green it's your quick change.

? I want a wonderful feeling to be free, really free

? So over my shoulder goes one hair

? And over my shoulder goes two hairs

? Why should I cry above

? I'm free at last and I'm in love

? Over my shoulder goes three ?

Of course I know the young man was only having his little

joke with me this morning when he wouldn't give me my money.

So he didn't pay you?

No he didn't, so I've come to you.

After all daughter, I'm a reasonable man as long as I can

keep body and soul together that's all I ask for here below.

What would you do if I didn't pay?

Well I'd go straight to Scott and Yard and get the whole

game away that's what I'd do.

Is that a promise?

Yeah.

Mr. Ben, Mr. Ben.

Oh what's the matter, what's the matter?

What's she doing?

I don't know, she's never done it before.

She'll never do it again.

I can't believe it.

That isn't Harriet Green.

I don't believe she can do that at 60.

She's a fraud.

Now you know what I've been dying to tell you for weeks.

A woman of 60.

Put your house lights up and bring down that curtaiin.

What's the matter, put out the houselights stop the

orchestra.

And what are you doing on my stage?

Nothing, it was by mistake.

She's not Harriet Green, she's a fraud.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I'm not gonna make a speech, I'm just going to appeal to

you as the sporting British public.

Give us our money back.

Who's baby are you?

We've been had.

You've been had, how about me, I've been in love with

her for weeks and had to go about calling her mommy.

But she's not Harriet Green.

I know that my friend, but let me tell you something,

she's the daughter of Harriet Green.

She hadn't got a job, she was hungry, a few of you here may

know what that means.

But she had the talent she had inherited from her famous

mother, the talent that has charmed you tonight.

Now be honest ladies and gentlemen, it has charmed you

hasn't it?

Now ladies and gentlemen, this girl got a chance to prove

that she had it in her to be a star.

She wanted you to take her to your hearts, do you blame her?

No.

Some may say she tried to defraud the public.

I respectfully ask you to note that phrase which is of

imperative importance.

Defraud the public, that means surely to promise something,

to take payment for same, and then to prove yourself unable

to fulfill that promise.

In plain English my Lord, unable to deliver the goods.

Well ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this is my case that

this young lady could not possibly have defrauded the

public, because she delivers the goods and I so prove it.

I call the prisoner.

You are charged with defrauding the public by

impersonating your mother, the late Harriet Green.

What is your name?

Harriet Green.

You see my Lord.

Proceed, proceed.

What is your profession?

I am an actress.

And your mother?

She was an actress.

Who was?

Her mother my Lord, the late Harriet Green.

Who was Harriet Green?

Silence in court.

Harriet Green my Lord was a famous stage star.

So you've been singing several songs of your mother's

reportou.

Yes.

You sing them as well as she did?

Well, it's rather difficult for me to answer that

question.

My Lord in my submission it is a question of facts for the

jury to judge.

Exhibit A please.

I have here my lad a phonographic reproduction of one of

the late Harriet Green's most famous songs.

I submit that this is not admissible evidence.

In the case of Smith vs. Smith 1914, to the King's bench

my lad, page 493.

Was allowed to prove his statement by demonstration of his

art my Lord.

Hear the evidence.

? When you're young it's always spring

? And life is a happy song, how we care and sing as we go

? Along, though the years go rushing by

? And spring is a memory, life will always be the same

? Sweet song to me

? When there's spring in your heart

? And the wintery winds that blow

? Buttercups come peeping through the snow

? And you love your whole life through

? And in love

? And each happy thing will be evergreen as the sweetest

? Blooming in June

? When you've got a little springtime in your heart

? When you've got a little springtime in your heart

? Over my shoulder goes one hair, over my shoulder goes

? Two hairs, why should I cry

? I'm free at last and I'm in love

? Over my shoulder goes three hairs

? Over my shoulder goes four hairs

? Over my shoulder goes it all ?

This is all I ask for here below.

? When you've got a little spring time in your heart

? You can love the wintery winds that blow

? And the memory will be evergreen when the spring time's

? Coming through

? When you've got a little spring time in your heart