Original subtitles

What do you say, Uncle George?

You all want to borrow how much?

I told you we want to borrow $25 ,000.

To buy a stock car and go off racing around the dirt tracks at county fairs.

Could win a lot of money.

We'll pay back.

Probably pay it all back inside a year.

What do you say?

What do I say?

I say no, that's what.

In fact, I say hell no.

I sure am sorry to hear you say that, Uncle George.

Which... Which one are you?

Don't really matter much now, does it?

Well, they did it to him. I know those... Take it easy.

Oh, easy now, Miss Mary. There's no rush.

I'm sure old George, I reckon, isn't going to get up and go anywhere.

So if you'll just take it easy now and take Eddie and me in and show me where

is. In there, in the den, and he is dead. That's where he is. Well, then

go in and take a look at him. Come on.

Come on.

He's dead, all right. Just like you said.

Uh, Eddie, why don't you see if you can lift some prints around here,

particularly off the handle that night?

Well, I'll try, Mel, but I don't think your perpetrator's gonna leave any

on the instrument of death.

You know, nowadays, your perpetrators, see, they take about two seconds

then you got five minutes of wiping.

Yeah, well, see what you can do. See what you can do. All right. Miss Mary

want to go in the other room in here and have a nice little visit, all right?

Come on, Miss Mary.

Now, why don't you just sit right down here, Miss Mary, and make yourself

comfortable, huh?

Okay.

Well, I reckon you want to know what I saw.

I sure appreciate it.

Well, I had just gone out to the barn. We got some old hens that like to nest

out there.

I thought I'd gather some eggs for George's dinner.

Lunch, you city folks call it.

Oh, Miss Mary, you can't hardly call me city folks.

Well, I found more than half a dozen.

As I came out of the barn, I saw him getting in that fancy pickup of theirs.

You seen who, Miss Mary?

The twin.

The twin?

Which twin?

it was.

I've been George's housekeeper for 15 years. I helped raise those two whelps

when their mama and papa died, and I never have been able to tell them apart.

But you're sure?

You're sure that you saw one of them running out of the house?

That's the God's truth.

And then I went in there to thumb poor old George.

What's going on here, Sheriff?

Boys, sit down right over here.

I have some very bad news for you.

Sit down.

Well, did you find out anything?

The instrument of death was wiped clean as a whistle, just like I said it would

be.

Sheriff, what's he talking about, instrument of death?

Well, boys, your uncle is dead.

He was stabbed to death not more than 45 minutes ago.

Miss Mary here found his body.

And she says that she saw one of you boys running out of the house

So it looks like I'm going to have to ask a few questions.

Now then, I'm going to read them.

Oh,

yeah, I keep forgetting. Go on, Eddie. Read them.

Okay, here we go.

You have a right to remain silent.

You have a right to a lawyer.

If you can't afford a... Of course, I guess you boys can afford just about

anything you want to. Now, no, George is dead, though.

But if you can't, then the county's going to pay for one for you.

That's it.

You boys want to answer a few questions?

Sure.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, might as well ask you the big one.

Either you boys kill your uncle.

Well, I didn't.

Me neither.

Uh -huh.

Well, I guess I better ask you another big one.

Which one of you boys is going to get all of that George's money now that he's

dead and gone?

Well,

I'll get half.

And I'll get the other half.

Just how much would...

That half come to, I mean, about, don't have to be accurate.

A couple of million.

Each.

At least.

Each.

I heard that old George kept you boys in a pretty short string.

I mean, his allowance, that was about all, right?

Fifty bucks a week.

And room and board.

And all we had to do for it was put in about 60 hard hours a week around this

place. We figured it out one time, didn't we?

He was paying us, oh, maybe 85 cents an hour.

Hmm.

I thought one of you boys, uh... Remember where you were about 45 minutes

That would make it, uh... Yeah, high noon, straight up.

Sure,

I remember.

I was at the Corral Bar on Route 61.

Anybody see you out there?

Yeah.

Yeah, Sally saw me.

Sally Fenton.

What time does the bar open up?

Oh, melt, uh, 11 .30.

About when did you leave this Corral Bar?

About, uh, 12 .30.

Uh -huh. Where'd you go?

Well, I went down to Al's to pick him up.

And here we are.

You're, uh... Who are you?

Which one of you? Who are you?

I'm Donald.

You're Donald.

And you're David.

All right, David.

All right. Where were you 45 minutes ago at straight up noon?

At Al's garage.

Hell no, I wasn't over at Al's garage.

I was at the Corral Bar.

Ask Sally Finch, she'll tell you.

What are you trying to tell me?

That both of you were at the same place, the corral bar, at the same time.

He wasn't there, but I was.

I don't know where he was, but I can prove I was there.

Oh, you're cute.

You're damn cute. You're both going to maintain the same alibi.

Looks that way, doesn't it?

But one of you was lying.

Well, I ain't.

Me neither.

Me neither.

I think it's like you said, Melton. That's you.

It's real cute.

Let me talk this past you.

These two yo -yos get together and they decide, agree to murder their uncle, old

George, for his money, right? A couple million bucks apiece. That's a pretty

good motive, huh?

Except everybody would suspect them first. Right off, first thing.

So what do they do? They do the impossible.

They are both in the same place at the same time. And each one of them, He's

a witness to prove it.

Cute, huh?

Very cute.

Well, it's going to be up to the law to decide which one

of you were where and when.

And I guess it's going to be up to us to prove which one of you did it.

Well, I know.

I think one or probably both of you are lying in your teeth.

Hey, Milt.

I got an idea here.

Let's hear it.

Well, let's say we run both these boys over at that corral bar with us, huh?

You mean let that little barmaid over there take a look at them?

Yeah, right.

What about their lawyer?

Well, he's over in Bratsville. I don't see a way in the world he could be here

within the next two hours.

We just might have it cleared up by then.

Well, no, we can't force him to do it. I mean, we can't make him do it.

No.

We could ask him, you know, real polite -like.

Can't see any harm in doing that.

How about it? You boys willing to go?

You mean out to the Corral Bar and see Sally?

Oh, that's what I had in mind, yeah.

You have to put the cuffs on?

Well, no, I don't reckon I have to put the cuffs on, no.

Are you planning to make a run for it?

Why should I?

I ain't done nothing.

Me neither.

Yeah, this has got to be out of your own free will, you understand. I ain't

going to force you to go.

You're done.

All right, David, what do you say? You agree?

Yeah, I'm willing.

So long as there ain't no cuffs.

You sure you ain't planning to make a break for it? I mean, all this talk

cuffs.

Why should I?

I ain't killed nobody.

Me neither.

sit down right over here. Right here.

Eddie, you keep an eye on him.

I don't trust him. I think they're going to make a run for it.

Afternoon. Hi.

Hi.

You're Sally Fenton, right?

You're Sheriff Singleton.

So what's going on?

Well, you know, old George Evans.

I don't know him exactly, but I see him in here from time to time. Why?

Well, I'm looking to lose murder.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, that's why I'm going to have to ask a few questions, Sally, if that's

right.

Sure.

You know the two boys over here, the twins?

Yeah, I know them.

Were either one of them or both of them in here today around lunch hour on 12th

noon? One of them was.

Which one?

He didn't say.

Didn't you ask him?

Well, I used to, but I don't anymore.

I mean, they always lied to me.

They're sort of joking, you know.

So I just stopped asking.

Honey, I don't know who killed him yet exactly.

That's what I'm trying to find out. That's why I have to ask you all these

of questions, okay?

Well, the joker got here like maybe like 15 minutes after I opened.

That's like 11 .45.

Joker? Oh, well, that's what I call them both now.

I mean,

I have to call them something. You know, they won't tell me the right names.

11 .45.

Oh, it was just me and him.

You know, here. And he ordered a beer.

A beer? A draft beer?

Yeah. In a glass?

Yeah. Where is it? What? The glass? The glass.

I washed it.

I washed all of the glasses.

Why?

I got it. Fingerprints, right?

Yeah, fingerprints.

Maybe not even identical twins have fingerprints.

Yeah. Where am I?

Oh, honey, I know how you might be feeling, Sally.

But this is murder, honey.

It's bad, you know.

Yeah. Yeah.

So let's just move back a little, huh?

Okay. Now, are you sure that you got here at 11 .30?

Well, I might have been a little bit late.

to go to the shopping center. I had to buy kitty litter, and I had to get fish

food for my goldfish.

Oh, then I saw this belt in Jerry's window, and so I had to buy

it, of course. I bought that, and, well, that couldn't have put me, like, you

know, four minutes late or so.

Belt?

Yeah. Did you like it?

Oh.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's very pretty.

Nobody else in the bar at the same time that the twin was here?

Nope, just him and me.

Sure nothing else happened? Anything, anything at all?

Anything?

No. No?

Well,

no. I mean, literally, that's all.

Except what?

Well, it was just, you know, I mean, since there was nobody else here, we

we started fooling around a little.

No.

You kissed.

If we're going to be here all afternoon, how about a drink, huh?

Yeah, sure, why not?

What do you want?

Scotch and water.

And how about you?

Scotch and water.

Of course.

Eddie, will you order those drinks for me? I'll have a beer.

And then call the coroner and ask him if he's made up his mind yet about whether

or not old George died of the stab wound.

Well, I got here a little before 12.

Had a beer.

Talked to Sally for a while.

And we, uh... We kind of fooled around a little.

Hugging and kissing?

Do you know, Sheriff, that's exactly what happened to me.

Word for word.

Oh, you're slick, you two are.

You're really slick.

Your whole scam depends upon nobody, but nobody being able to tell you apart,

right?

Me neither.

But there's got to be a way. There has got to be a way.

I mean, no two people in the world are exactly alike.

You don't believe that, do you?

Sure I do.

Me too?

Well, you would, wouldn't you?

But I've been thinking. Here we go.

Got us two scotch waters, a couple of beers. Oh, and I talked to the coroner

the phone. Milton is definitely the knife of done old Georgian, just like we

thought about him. I figured.

You've been thinking what, Milt?

I've been thinking, back when I was a young buck about your age, racing around

the country in my pappy's 1936 Ford convertible, chasing, chasing the girls.

Back then, about a hundred years ago, it began to dawn on me that no two girls

ever kissed just exactly the same way.

You know what old Milt here is?

Yeah, he's a regular parent. Mason.

You know what he's going to ask us to do, don't you?

Sure do.

Kiss Sally.

What do you think?

Well, it ain't exactly the shabbiest way I can think of to spend an afternoon.

Yeah, me neither.

You think it'll hold up in court, Mel?

That's my problem.

Sally!

Come on over here, honey. I got a little favor to ask you.

Sure thing.

Honey, this is going to sound like a... very peculiar request, but I want

you to kiss these two boys. Would you do that?

In public?

Yeah, right out here in front of the good Lord and us and everybody.

And why?

Well, you see, sugar, I want you to try to remember which one of the boys it was

that you was fooling around with in here today.

Yeah. You think you can do that for me? Yeah, I can try.

All right.

If you guys are willing.

Oh, they're willing.

Oh, yeah. We're willing.

More than willing.

Okay.

All right. Who's first?

Think I ought to.

See you.

I'm closer and all.

Okay, sure.

Pucker up.

And he

got

down and he held your waist tight up against him. Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah. You sure?

Yeah, just like that.

And you just bought that belt today?

Uh -huh.

Take it off.

Touch nothing but the buckle. Well, it don't matter because your fingerprints

couldn't be all over it anyway.

That's it now. Hand it very directly there to Deputy Ream.

Well, what do you say, Eddie? You think that that patent leather's going to hold

any fingerprints?

It's just like his warm wax melt.

Goodness.

Sit over there, boy.

Sit right down next to your brother. Sit down. You two, sit down.

I'll bet the rent money that whichever one of you didn't kill old

George was in here and has got his fingerprints all over that belt.

And while he was hugging and kissing here, the other one was out at the ranch

there killing poor old Uncle George.

I can't remember which.

One of you is which?

I'm David. The hell he is. I'm David.

He done it, Sheriff.

He killed Uncle George.

He's lying.

I didn't kill anybody. He did.

We'll know soon enough who did it. But you're both guilty of conspiring to do

and aiding and abetting each other in that murder.

And neither one of you is ever going to get a chance to spend one penny of that

four million dollars.