Original subtitles

Now, back to The Julie Show.

Our next guest was a fresh -faced teenager when she left her hometown of

Memphis, Tennessee for New York City to become 1968's Model of the Year and one

of the world's most popular cover girls. Here to tell us where she is now,

please help me welcome Sybil Sheridan.

Hi, Sybil. Hi, Julie. So, Sybil, where are you now?

Well... I'm here.

Actually, I'm living in Los Angeles. I'm an actor now.

You know, we've done our homework, and we found out you're currently appearing

in a film that's doing really well.

I am?

Well, not in America, but in Europe, which is big, too.

Oh, yes.

And they appreciate an empowered woman past the age of 45. I mean, here in

Hollywood, in this town, if you're a woman and you get old, you're in

Of course, me?

I'm not afraid to say I'm 48 years old and proud of it. Well, good for you.

Well,

we have to honor the age that we are, whatever it is. Here, here.

So, Julie, how old are you?

Excuse me?

How many years of wisdom do you have?

I... I... I'll... Check on that and get right back to you after this word from

our sponsor.

Very good. Oh, thank you.

She asked me how old I am on the air. Can she do that?

Don't worry. You were great.

Why don't you go get yourself a knife? Cup of herb tea.

Alison,

I'm so sorry. No, no, no, don't be. Look at Julie.

She's so upset.

Maybe I shouldn't have asked her how old she is. No, no, no. People don't do

anything different. That audience loves you.

They do, don't they?

Oh, I get another idea. Listen, in the next segment, let's guess each other's

weight.

work if you can get it and if you get it won't you tell me how

so you upset the host and now you're

barred from yet another entertainment arena perhaps you can go back to the

muppets i hear the new grover is flame retardant for your

information with smarty pants

The producer of The Julie Show loves me and wants me back tomorrow, and once and

for all.

Grover set himself on fire.

But does anyone believe me?

No, because Muppets don't lie.

Mom, you're cooking.

Why?

Uh, well, I thought that we could, you know, eat, so we wouldn't, you know,

There's been a change of plans. We're going out to eat.

Oh, where are we going?

In separate directions.

I'm so nervous. I haven't seen Gianni in two years. Do I look okay?

You look gorgeous. No, no, no, no. These shoes look like kayak.

Oh, Mary, I'm so excited for her.

And flew halfway around the world just to see her.

You must be exhausted.

What, with the jet lag and trying to get Zoe's virginity through customs?

Well, she did leave it at his place.

Come on, Marianne. This could be a very important night for Zoe, you know? A

night that you'll never forget.

Wow, remember when a date wasn't just a date?

It was history.

Joy!

are beaching themselves all across North America.

Far from this engine that you're returning nevermore.

Help me.

Into it will you be your beloved Christmas.

Oh, God, it's him.

Well, open the door. Let's take it from...

for her joy in humiliating me?

Oh, I'm sorry, Zoe, but, you know, we're just teasing.

Lighten up.

I'm sorry.

Look, can I have just a moment alone with Gianni first?

Then I'll bring him in to meet you, okay?

Okay, sure.

Take your time.

Me humiliate her?

You were singing, too.

Oh, please, she couldn't possibly hear me over you.

In fact, I'm not even sure I sang.

Zoe.

Oh, my God, you look so... No time.

Gas leak. Danger. Run.

Hi.

I think he likes me.

Sybil, don't take it personally.

It's not unusual for a young woman to be embarrassed by her parents.

I remember when I was 17.

I had this huge crush.

on the shirtless drifter who blew into town and... No, wait, that's a

Kim Novak movie.

What are we talking about?

Oh, being embarrassed by your parents.

Well, I was embarrassed by my parents, but then I was way cool and they

Hey, Sid.

Zoe home yet? Zoe? I don't think she goes by that name anymore. You see, her

parents gave her that name.

You have your heart set on meeting Mr.

Gianni. You can just forget that.

We humiliate Zoe.

I met him about an hour ago, and she seemed fine.

What? Wait.

It wasn't Kim Novak. It was Susan Hayward. Oh, hello, Ira. How long have

been here?

You met Gianni?

Yeah. He stopped by my house on the way to the restaurant.

He's such a nice guy. He brought me hand -packed sausages from his village in

Tuscany.

Hand -packed sausages?

Marianne, aren't they supposed to give the sausages to the mother?

No.

It was Kim Novak.

Well, I should run. I just wanted to drop this by.

Gianni left it at my house. It's pictures of his family vineyard.

Vineyard? Oh, now you perk up.

I didn't want to disturb Zoe and Gianni at dinner, so would you make sure she

gets that?

All right.

Arrivederci.

Poor Gianni. All alone in America without his photo album.

He must be frantic.

So you're not going to barge in on Zoe's romantic dinner just because you're

resentful that Ira got to meet him and you didn't? Of course not.

We'll figure out a better reason on the drive there.

You're not eating.

I am so nervous.

I was trying to think of what to say to you on the flight from Italy, like I

cannot get you out of my mind and you have spoiled me for other women.

But these are silly words that anyone could say.

Yeah, I'm so sick of hearing that.

There they are. I knew they'd be here. It's the only place Zoe has a tab.

Zoe has a tab? Well, she's on my tab.

You don't have a tab. I'm the one with the tab.

Okay, I'll pay you back.

Listen, I know she likes him, but I traced my phone number into his mashed

potatoes. Was that wrong?

Give me that menu so we can hide. And don't tell Zoe we're here.

Oh, where did they go?

So, your papa, he seems like a good man.

What about your mom? Tell me about her.

Well, there's really not much to tell. I mean, she's your basic mom.

Incredibly normal.

What was I thinking? This will never work. Let's leave. Now?

We were just at the door.

And then we scurried across the room like mutant menu -headed mice.

And I was stranded outside the restrooms with nowhere to go.

If I had a... problem with my short -term memory, you would really come in

handy.

Here. I thought you might like these.

Thank you.

Just in case you need something to explain your behavior.

By the way, he's on his way in here.

I... Why?

He's never seen you.

He has no idea who you are.

You're just one of the thousands of women in L .A. who hang out around the

room drinking.

Sybil Sheridan, could it be you?

It could be.

Oh, my God, it's really you, Sybil Sheridan, in the skin.

I have seen all your movies in Italy. I'm your biggest fan, and now to see you

like this as a person, you are as radiant as the sunshine.

You haven't seen her eat ribs.

Hey.

Mother?

Hi, honey.

Sybil Sheridan is your mother?

Why didn't you tell me? I've told you she's my favorite American star.

You must introduce us.

Gianni, my mom. Mom Gianni.

Hi.

Mamma mia.

Wow, it's so romantic to hear a man speak Italian to your mother.

Are you sure you don't have me confused with Jessica Lange?

What? No, you wipe off the floor with Jessica Lange.

You stay right there.

Zoe, so Gianni's a fan of mine, so what?

He's your biggest fan, and I cannot believe you would sneak in the

like that.

Zoe, that's not fair.

You gave your mother every reason to believe you were embarrassed by her.

why she came down here.

So she could embarrass me?

I'll let you handle it from here.

Why don't you go with her? I'm sure Gianni would love to get to know you

Zoe, come on!

Gianni came all the way from Italy to see you.

Yeah, now all he's going to see is Sybil Sheridan's daughter.

It's like when I had my fifth birthday party and you were just in that movie

where you played that mutant fish creature.

I thought the boys came to see me, but no, all they wanted was to see you pull

your lips over your head.

Honey, we've been through this. What else could I do? The clown didn't show

Why are you being so insecure?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because when you were 18, you were model of the

year in 1968, and you had a career and a job and an apartment in New York City,

whereas here I am, 20, career impaired, living at home and driving a car, which

was also model of the year in 1968.

Look in the mirror.

You are so gorgeous.

I have been telling you that since the day you were born.

You're my mother. You have to say that.

This has gone on long enough.

Marianne! The woman is magnificent.

She has been since birth, and she just keeps getting better. I would walk over

ground glass with that hair or that skin, and you just wake up looking like

every day.

Damn you!

Very well, I've said my piece.

Now, once again, give you your privacy.

not just gorgeous on the outside.

You're beautiful on the inside.

And you're incredibly talented and unbelievably smart.

And you're funny.

I mean, that's why Johnny's come to see you. He's crazy about you.

Okay.

You want to join us for dinner? I already ate.

And your point is?

I guess I could stay for one turkey leg.

I am so lucky you walked into that cafe in Positano, slipped on some soda, and

landed on my life.

Are you sure that now you're getting to know my mother, I won't become a huge

disappointment? How can you say that?

Your mother is like a beautiful tree.

But you, Zoe, are that tree's magnificent blossom.

Can you say that again?

Or write it down for me?

Or leave it on my answering machine.

You know, I would like so much right now to take you back to my hotel.

I'll get my floss.

I won't.

We knew each other for such a short time in Italy.

My wish now is to start anew.

Savor every moment.

Buona sera, my beautiful flower.

Well, I'm glad to know she's flossing.

What a charming young man. Well, if I'm going to give myself any time to be

jealous and bitter before bed, I better go now.

forget your photo album again, we're going to have to pin that to your

Zoe! Shh, shh, shh.

I must talk to you.

Okay.

I want to ask for Zoe's hand.

Whoa. You've only known her for two days, and those two days are separated

two years.

I know. It's very fast, but I also know it's very light.

Well, I'm not the one you should be talking to about that. You should talk

Zoe. She's an adult.

That being said...

She's just a kid. She knows nothing about marriage. Please don't take my

Italy.

Again, it's between the two of you.

Well, I will ask her in the morning.

But please believe me, I will make a most devoted husband.

Zoe will be my life.

Aw.

And that means, of course, that there's only tonight for you and me.

Huh?

For our night of love.

Huh? It was like a night to never forget.

I mean, Siebel Sheridan, that was always just a dream, but when I heard you sing

to me tonight, I knew that you felt... Johnny, you're just infatuated with the

picture up on the screen.

That being said, me tonight, my daughter in the morning, I don't think so, pal!

Okay, okay, you had that look in the movie The Countess of Pain just after

evil baron insulted you, and you, with your bare hands, you...

I gotta go.

Yeah, well, you remember that look, pal.

You're gonna get that any time you come near my daughter.

Count it's a pain?

Was I in that?

I cannot believe that you made a path that you... Some of you just say the

and that man is in a Turkish prison hanging by his heels while a thousand

tear at his honey -dipped flesh.

No, I can do better.

Who cares about him?

I'm sick of talking about him. What about Zoe? She went to meet him.

We wouldn't be having this problem if you killed him last night like you were

supposed to.

Well, I didn't kill him because... because... I don't kill people!

Oh, you don't kill people, Little Miss Highway to Heaven.

And then my poor little Zoe is out there about to get her heart broken.

Marianne, she's my daughter, too.

Hi, honey.

See, this is exactly why I wanted that private entrance into my room.

Are you all right, Zoe?

Yeah, I'm really okay.

Gianni asked me to go back to Italy with him for a couple of weeks, and I really

want to know what you think. By the way, I said yes.

Italy?

I don't think so.

What's going on?

Honey, did Johnny say anything about last night?

No. No, of course not.

He's a lying bastard who should be strapped naked to the bottom of a

dragged over 40 acres of porcupine.

No, I can do better.

What Marianne is trying to say, though, is that last night after you went

upstairs, Gianni came back and he...

Well, he... He came on to you?

I'm sorry, honey.

Wow.

I knew he was too good to be true.

Zoe.

Zoe, you are so lucky that you found out about this now because you know what

would have happened if you had gotten involved with this man.

It would just break your heart.

Over and over, there would be arguments and bitterness and endless follies of

senseless violence back and forth.

And it's not all fun, Zoe.

You need permits, paramilitary training, bribe money.

And a lot of it is night work.

Marianne, that's your recruitment speech.

The point is, Zoe, if this man could do this with your mother...

He won't stop there. He will do it with any woman, any tired piece of business

that just stumbles off of a gondola.

I guess I should have trusted my instincts and kept him as a beautiful

Yes, but he's not a memory. He is here.

And it is our job to make his life a living hell.

He is still on U .S. soil.

I don't think so, but thanks. That's sweet.

Honey, we're going to do it anyway.

Okay.

No opera in the getaway car.

Okay.

Good. So we're going to give him a one silver with a power sander, pack him in

salt, and ship him off to SeaWorld in a box marked Bait.