Original subtitles

Did you know, it's 277 miles long

18 miles wide, and over a mile deep?

I-I mean, in places.

It's not a mile deep everywhere.

Although it looks like a mile.

Did you know, recent evident suggests

the Colorado river formed the canyon over..

Maybe they have earplugs in the gift shop.

Oh! Mini license plates!

A-ha. "Daniel, Darvin, Doug, Eduardo."

What the.. No Daffy?

You have five Darvins and no Daffy?

"Darvin"?

A "1001 Grand Canyon Jokes."

That's about a 1000 more than I thought there were.

I mean, what, did someone just match Darren and Marvin together

and think that that's a clever name?

Well, it's not! It's a stupid name.

Darvin is the world's stupidest name.

Great name.

And the soda.

I left my wallet at home.

...was originally inhabited by Native Americans

some of whom may have considered the Grand Canyon

to be a holy site.

So what do you think?

[gargling]

I've seen better.

[clanks]

Let's go see a movie.

Sir, you threw a can of soda into the Grand Canyon.

That's littering on federal property.

And who are you?

I'm a park ranger. Who are you?

Oh, uh, Darvin

Andrew's son.

You're comin' with me.

Wait. Let's be reasonable.

Buddy, if you don't put some pants on

you're gonna be coming with me, too.

I think I saw some at the gift shop.

Let me go, and I'll pay you whatever you want!

Ah, I forgot my wallet.

Bugs! Pay him whatever he wants!

Aren't you gonna say something?

"Why is the Grand Canyon called the Grand Canyon?"

"Cause he thought gargantuan canyon made him sound fat."

Well, if you don't like that one, I got a 1000 more.

[theme music]

And that's when I saw him

throw this empty can of soda

into the Grand Canyon.

It's clear that you are the litterer.

The fine is $50. This court is now adjourned.

Your honor!

This is a case built on lies

stacked on a house of cards

standing on a mountain of fabricated falsehoods.

I move for immediate dismissal.

You can't do that.

Well, then I'd like to call my first witness.

Would you please state your name for the court?

Eh, Porky Pig.

What's the matter? Are you nervous?

I'm not nervous.

You sure sound nervous.

This is what I always sound...

Maybe you're nervous because you're lying.

But I'm not

Maybe you're lying

because you don't want us to know

your true identity.

[stuttering] Uh..

And the reason you don't want us to know your true identity

is because you, sir, are the litterer!

[fan creaking]

[gasping]

And a collective gasp

fills the courtroom.

Are we done here?

Are you not wearing pants?

Where's the gift shop?

[fan creaks]

Please state your name for the court.

- Bugs Bunny. - Mr. Bunny.

Where were you on the night of November 10th?

Uh, I'm not sure

but didn't this happen in the daytime on June 1st?

A-ha!

And how would you know that

if you were not guilty of this heinous crime?

Ladies and gentlemen, here is your litterer.

Daffy, just pay the fine.

Hostile witness!

Oh, you call this hostile?

This is not hostile.

If you want hostile, I'll give you hostile.

- Objection! - Overruled!

- That's what I say! - What?

- Overruled. - Sustained.

Keep this up, and I'll hold you both in contempt of court.

I apologize for my friend, Your Highness.

Now, if I may.

What do we know?

The piece of litter in question?

A can of soda.

So, it would fit that the litterer must like soda.

It may surprise the court to learn

that I, Daffy Duck

despise soda.

[gasping]

Is anyone even listening here?

The point is, I can't possibly be the litterer

because I don't like soda.

And if the soda gets spit, you must acquit.

[slurps]

splurrt

splat

[gavel slams] Order!

You are both held in contempt and will be

placed in jail immediately.

Bailiff, take them away!

[cash register dings]

What'd I miss?

[instrumental music]

- 'Name?' - Daffy Duck.

- 'Crime?' - Contempt of court.

- 'Name? Crime?' - Bugs Bunny.

Well, some might say being too good-looking.

[upbeat music]

Nah, I'm just kidding. Contempt of court.

Oh, no. I'm gonna be swimming in this.

Do you have a belt or a sash?

I'm about to meet a ton of new people

and I'd rather not look like a big, fat traffic cone.

See what I mean? That's a lot of orange.

[growling]

[clanking]

Not too shabby.

I mean, it could use some accessories

uh, maybe a few pillows or some scented candles.

I'm thinking this might be a problem.

[water burbling]

[baton taps]

Ew.

Eh, a little salty.

But I gotta say, it's a pleasure

having somebody cook for me.

How can you be so relaxed?

We're in prison. Jail. The big house.

We're up the river. We're down the creek.

We're two picks short of a load! There's no "I" in team!

You gotta fight for your right to party.

[grunting]

Party's over.

What are you scared of? This guy?

'I bet he's a teddy bear.'

I'm Bugs, this is Daffy. We're in cell 2-R.

'Come by anytime. The door's always open.'

Well, not technically, but you get the point.

Anywho, would you be a dear and please pass me the ketchup?

[glass shatters]

Are you serving time for being rude

or because you can't follow directions?

[growling]

Eh, so, let me get this straight.

I can insult whomever I please

without fear of bodily harm?

I should have gotten thrown in jail years ago.

It's a smart Alec's paradise.

Say, I like your hair. Did you butcher it yourself?

(prisoner #1) 'Nah, I'll butcher you!'

I don't know where you got your looks

but I hope you kept the receipt!

Oh, I'm gonna get you!

Hey, buddy, can I borrow your brain?

You're obviously not using it.

[man grunting]

You gotta get me out of here. I'm not cut out for this place.

Look at me, I can't eat, I can't sleep.

You don't know what it's like being cut off

from the outside world.

What year is it? Who's President?

You've only been in here one day.

Well, it's been a very hard day.

Did you know they have a yard here

where you can exercise for free?

Well, before I go

uh, I made you a cake.

A cake, huh?

[splattering]

Nothing? No crowbar, no shiv?

Who brings a cake to a prisoner

'without putting a means of escape inside?'

How do you expect us

to break out of this place?

- Mother. - Ooh. Where we going now?

[harmonica music]

[clanks]

Phew. Excuse me.

What's the goal here?

Are we building something, or just

making rocks into smaller rocks?

And would it be possible for me to switch places

with that pituitary case over there?

[growling]

I burn easily.

You'll have to pardon my friend.

The heat's getting to him. He's not used to this.

He's not a hardened criminal like you.

I mean, I shouldn't assume that you're a hardened criminal

but in my defense, you do have a Neanderthal-shaped head

which I normally equate with stupidity.

Uh, not that you're stupid

I just mean that you look stupid.

I don't mean that as an insult.

I mean, some people think stupid to mean cool.

Like, that's a stupid car, you've got a stupid apartment.

I wish I could stop talking.

I'm just very nervous right now.

I tend to ramble when I'm nervous.

You know what the word "ramble" means?

You're probably too stupid to know

and here, I mean stupid-stupid, not stupid-cool.

[growling]

[yells]

[growling]

[instrumental music]

[panting]

[grunting]

[gasps]

There's only one thing to do.

Teach that bully a thing or..

Jump!

...two!

[growling]

[theme music]

♪ I had a toy train when I was young ♪

♪ But a wheel fell off and it wouldn't run ♪

♪ And oh ♪

♪ I blew my stack ♪ ♪ Yosemite Sam ♪

♪ Daddy sent me to school but things got weird ♪

♪ When the kids made fun of my long red beard ♪

♪ And oh ♪

♪ I blew my stack ♪ ♪ Blimmity-blam ♪

♪ The merchant marine kept my temper at bay ♪

♪ Until a dolphin looked at me the wrong way ♪

♪ And oh I blew my stack ♪

♪ You better watch it dolphin ♪

♪ Oh man ♪

♪ So I worked at the library a peaceful place ♪

♪ But people kept turning their books in late ♪

♪ And oh I blew my stack ♪

♪ Got to bring your books back in ♪

♪ Well I try to stay calm cool as ice ♪

♪ But somebody says something just not nice ♪

♪ Deep inside I just don't feel right ♪

♪ I'm like a walking stick of lit dynamite ♪

♪ I'm about to blow you better go ♪

♪ You're about to guest star on the blow-my-stack show ♪

♪ Show show ♪

♪ Anger management classes count to ten ♪

♪ But I only get to three and then ♪

♪ Guess what ♪

♪ I blow my stack ♪

♪ You didn't get to ten ♪

♪ Hey quit rubbin' it in ♪

♪ Sorry Sam that's what happened ♪

♪ It's like you're trying to get me to blow my stack ♪

♪ Maybe that's the plan ♪

♪ Oh I'm a warnin' you ♪

♪ He's gonna go ka-blam ♪

Oh!

ka-boom

[wheezes]

[instrumental music]

[coughing]

We're alive?

We're alive!

Who cares about that? We're free.

It's like I have a clean slate, a fresh start.

And this time, I am gonna be a little less charitable.

Uh, not so fast, bub.

- We got to turn ourselves in. - Are you crazy?

That guy with the Neanderthal-shaped head

will kill us!

I'm not letting one bad apple ruin prison for me.

I'm going back to jail.

Well, I'm gonna live my life on the lam.

[both grunting]

[instrumental music]

We gotta do something about this.

Follow me.

[birds chirping]

[instrumental music]

(Daffy) 'Step one of life on the lam..'

...change your appearance.

And if you're gonna be attached to me

you're going blonde, too.

Stop! What are you doing? Oh.

[hair dryer whirring]

Are you crazy?

Well, hello.

[instrumental music]

(man on radio) 'Be on the lookout for two prison escapees'

'a gray rabbit and a black duck.'

[whimpering]

Not so fast.

I have some business to take care of.

Once we get this chain off

you can turn yourself in all you want.

Oh, I will.

Jail was the greatest thing that ever happened to me

and you're not gonna keep me from it.

[screeching]

(Bugs) 'Excuse me, officer.'

Uh, don't mean to bother you, but my name is Bugs Bunny

and this is Daffy Duck, and we're supposed to be in jail.

- You're Bugs Bunny? - The one and only.

And you're Daffy Duck?

I didn't say that.

(officer #1) 'I don't see the resemblance.'

Well, then, how do you explain this chain?

Your personal lives are your business.

Stay out of trouble.

[engine revving]

No! Take me with you!

Come on! Let's get out of here.

Where are we going?

[instrumental music]

Wherever this will take us.

Oh!

[music continues]

[bell dings]

Can I help you?

We'd like a room.

- Name? - Bug...

We can't give away our real names.

We're on the lam.

[clears throat]

I'm Count Leopold von Lichtenstein

and this is Randy.

You don't happen to have any chain cutters

or acetylene torches back there, do ya?

The motel gift shop may not have had any welding equipment

but the book selection wasn't half bad.

Can you keep it down?

I'm trying to sleep.

Well, I'm trying to read.

And it's not easy with you tossing and turning.

You think I like having to share a bed with you?

At least in prison, we weren't chained together.

We had a whole cell to enjoy.

Oh, cell block number five.

Well, you're no picnic, either.

You think I enjoy listening to you

wax nostalgic about your time in jail, huh.

And by the way, a prison nickname doesn't count

if you give it to yourself, dynamite.

You better watch it, duck

because the fuse just got lit.

[hissing]

[spits]

Oh! How dare you?

No one and I mean no one would do something

that rude in prison.

Now, goodnight, Leopold.

Goodnight, Randy.

[instrumental music]

Step two of life on the lam, get a job.

[door creaks]

Good afternoon, I'm Leopold. I'll be your waiter.

And I'm Randy, I'll be your waiter.

What is the soup of the day?

[door opens]

- Uh-oh. - Oh.

[indistinct radio chatter]

[gasps]

- Officer... - Sorry about that.

But the soup of the day is a secret.

If you say one word to those cops

I promise to make the rest of your life

a living nightmare.

How is that any different than now?

Hey, blondies, some service over here?

- Not a word. - Oh, good afternoon, gentlemen.

Uh, what can I get you?

What does this say?

(Bugs) ' "We're on the lam."'

- You're on the, what? - Lam.

Oh, lamb. I love lamb.

Oh! Is-is there a lamb special?

[whispering] No, we're on the lam.

- What's on the lam? - Oh, I hope it's mint jelly.

That goes great with lam.

No, we're on the lam.

You're on the lam?

[chuckles]

No, we're not on the lam.

Oh, thank goodness.

Rabbit and duck on lamb is way too much meat.

I'm watching my cholesterol.

Just give us three veggie burgers.

- How'd we do? - Seventy-five cents in tips.

I've got the wrong personality for customer service.

This isn't enough money for the hotel.

Where are we gonna sleep?

Step three of life on the lam

always have a back-up plan.

[toilet flushing]

Nice back-up plan.

Look on the bright side, at least it can't get any worse.

[thunder rumbling]

Any other bold predictions?

One day, this country will send a man to the moon.

That's already happened.

Am I... a wizard?

If you were a wizard, you'd do something about this chain.

Chain, break!

[scoffs]

Chain, break!

You may not be a wizard but you sure are entertaining.

Silence! You're throwing off my wizard concentration.

Chain..

[lightning crashes]

I am a wizard.

- That was lightning. - Huh.

Classic non-wizard thing to say.

Now, the only question that remains is

will I be a good wizard or a bad wizard?

Bad wizard!

Beware, mortals

for Daffy Duck the wizard

shall rule the world!

(officer #2) 'Did you say Daffy Duck?'

Daffy Duck the wizard. Who wants to know?

The police. You're going back to jail.

I thought you'd never find us.

Lightning, strike! Lightning, strike!

[tapping]

No! Don't make me leave.

Wait, no, wait. Oh.

But tonight's meatloaf Monday.

[door closes]

So long, Chainsaw.

Call me when you get out, in a 140 years.

Take care, Manslaughter

and look into getting that name changed.

I really think it'll make a difference.

Hmm. And I think I'll miss you most of all

Neanderthal-shaped head man.

[grunts]

[Bugs sobbing]

You can stop crying. You're free.

- But that's why I'm crying. - Cheer up.

With a recidivism rate of 68%

you'll be back in jail in no time.

What about you, Daffy?

Did you learn your lesson?

You bet. I'm a changed man.

[slurping]

[can clattering]

[siren wailing]

Will you open the glove compartment

and hand me those pants?

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

That's all, folks.