Original subtitles

Mmm! Well, would you look at that?

You know, I wasn't sure if you were XXXL or XXXXL.

Please, have a seat.

Sit down.

This is nice, isn't it?

Just a nice normal dinner.

Now... I'm sure you're wondering

why I invited you into my beautiful home.

Well, I have not been spoken to like that in a long time.

And if I'm being honest... I was a little ticked off.

And then I got a big old boner.

Now I'm turned around worse than a woodpecker in a lumberyard.

So I'd like to hear some more.

Byung Sung, take a walk.

You're giving her the heebie-jeebies.

It's all right.

I'm a little racist too.

Now, tell me what's on your mind.

Why are you doing this?

Jesus Christ. It's pretty straightforward, Shelly.

I'm a global country superstar who's lost his mojo.

I decided to kidnap my fans and force them to live in a poor people town,

make them share their deepest, darkest traumas

so I could put it in the hit songs.

- How the fuck do you not get that? - Oh, no, I get it.

Oh, yeah, I get it.

But it's not working anymore, is it?

How do you know that?

I've been an honorary hen hound since I was eight years old.

You know, you kind of remind me of an oyster.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

I don't live in the ocean.

No, an oyster. It has a shell to protect it.

I think you had a lot of people around you who are too scared to tell you the truth.

Sometimes a grain of sand gets caught into an oyster

and it's uncomfortable and harsh.

But then sometimes that oyster takes that sand, and it makes something magical.

A sandcastle.

A pearl.

Wow. I like that.

So you're saying...

you're like my grain of sand.

I could be.

You know, um, oysters are like an aphrodisiac.

Gets you all wet and horny.

- Mmm-hmm. - I eat them all day.

You don't need a fake town with poor people to exploit them for their trauma.

- Oh, I don't? - Mmm-mmm.

I think that you need...

your own trauma.

What?

Fuck! Ow! Fuck!

Byung Sung! Byung Sung, I've been penetrated!

Shoot her in the face! Don't shoot her tits.

Byung Sung...

Please...

don't shoot.

Do you understand?

I ain't gonna hurt ya.

You speak fucking English?

I do.

He makes us speak Korean.

Nobody really knows why.

I guess it's just part of the gig.

- My real name's Jeff. - That's insane.

Yeah, it's a doozy, isn't it?

I'm just a theater actor. All the guards are.

Rodrigo was in Hamilton.

There's a small town about ten miles that way.

Head there now. Go.

Why are you helping me?

Byung Sung's ruthless.

But Jeff ain't. Go.

Go now!

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Darling, what the hell are you doing all the way out here?

- Thank God. - All right. It's okay.

It's okay.

He kidnaps fans, he tortures them.

And then he buries the bodies.

Good God.

You're sure it was the Rex Henley?

Oh.

Yes, I'm pretty fucking sure.

Okay, I believe you.

All right. Now, the sheriff is coming in right now,

and we're gonna do everything we can to make this right.

- Thank you. - All right?

It's over.

Hey, speak of the devil.

Sheriff.

How's the wife, Chris?

Pregnant again.

Should learn to pull out, you little rascal.

No fucking way.

- I'll take it from here. - All right.

Let's go, boys. He's got work to do.

Oh, no. Sit down, darling.

Found her! Come quickly!

It's all right.

I ain't mad at you. I like you.

I need you.

Turns out, you were right about everything.

I don't need 200 enslaved prisoners.

I just need one abusive relationship.

You're my trauma.

And I promise you, when I get home, I'mma dig me a big old hole

and mow all those people down into one mass grave.

Plus, we're gonna save a fortune on shrimp.

You don't have to wash your hands so much. That's all because of you.

You and I are not in a relationship.

Oh, yes, we are.

You came into my life, you said a bunch of mean words,

and then you left when I needed you most.

But you got me feeling alive.

Brains firing. I'm all bricked up.

You're gonna stick around and help me write one more hit song.

I'm thinking a ballad.

Something about love and loss, about letting go.

Yeah, letting go.

- And then maybe you can let me go. - Absolutely not.

Because clearly, a breakup is not enough.

I need my heart ripped out, Shelly.

I just need to lose one person I feel a real connection to.

It's not gonna work.

Why not?

Because I'm just some girl that you met a day ago.

We don't even have a history.

There's no real loss at the end of this.

I know you have someone in your life.

Someone who matters. Someone who you loved.

And...

that's the person.

That's the person that can inspire you to write that hit song.

You...

are fucking brilliant.

There is someone...

Oh, no.

Byung Sung!

Oh, no, no, no! Byung Sung! Oh, God, my brother.

Why, God? Why would you take him from me?

Oh, shit!

I feel all these emotions.

It worked, buddy.

I feel it.

I feel I miss you already.

Oh, God. Shelly, it's working.

Look, there's real tears coming out of my eyes.

I'm traumatized.

This was my best friend. Oh, shit!

Oh! I get to use the hankie that you gave me.

Look, it was made in Korea.

I love you, my sweet Korean brother.

Rex Henley has a new number one album out.

Well, I guess officially, y'all, we got a hit album.

Shockingly, this album is entirely in Korean.

You've heard of K-Pop?

This is a Korean country. Would it be K-Cunt?

Whatever it's called, I love it.

Love you, Byung Sung.

Family.

Love them or hate them.

You're stuck with them.

Unless you're the Menendez brothers.

They figured that shit out.

Some families are happy, others are dysfunctional.

Some are even famous.

Like the Frankels.

Smile, everybody.

Well, the Frankels are only famous in my town because there was a rumor

the dad got busted banging the family dog.

- What the fuck? - I knew it.

- I knew it. - You knew what?

It was me. I started the rumor.

So gather your families on the couch and watch these uplifting tales.

Or don't.

I really don't care. I'm just here to get away from my family.

You're sick.

And that's why we named our daughter Daisy.

Aww!

We love you, Grandma.

- You came! - Yes.

Aren't they just so wonderful?

What is this?

It's what Stevie and your dad have been working on.

- What? - Next up, we have Stevie Segura

telling a story of his grandfather, Wes.

- My dad's here? - Yeah.

And joining Stevie are several of his classmates.

Take it away, Stevie Segura.

This is gonna be bad.

No, it'll be sweet.

My dad doesn't do sweet.

Welcome to the suck, homos.

Here it is.

Jesus Christ!

When I asked for more marines, I meant ones that are ready to hump.

You sacks of shit don't look like you can play T-ball.

- Wow. - Oh, my God.

Gutierrez...

What the hell have you been eating, Gutierrez?

If your fat ass holds us up for even one second,

I'm sending your ass back to Okinawa

faster than you can say, "Chuba me chimichurri."

Sir, yes, sir.

Fat ass.

Steinberg!

You're the first of your kind in my platoon, Steinberg.

- You got a problem with that? - Sir, no, sir.

Fall back and keep that nose tucked in before it gets caught in a tripwire.

That's my boy!

You know we have to transfer schools, right?

Of course.

Small, Reggie, put your reefer out and turn off your Motown boogie beats!

What the hell were you two clowns doing?

Oh, you know, Lieutenant, just getting a little downtime.

Are you two ever not relaxing?

- I'm gonna go. - Fuck. No!

- We're in this together. - It's part of our culture, sir.

We love to dance or just sit around.

Lazy.

Thank you for guiding us to be more than just

a couple of Division-3 basketball players

who had no real shot at the pros.

- You fellows... - I'm sorry!

...tell Tyrone here how we operate.

There's no shootin' Black talk and no jive talk.

We're not like this. I swear.

We're here to do one thing and one thing only.

Kill those two-faced rice-slopping commie bastards.

'Oorah!

Goddamn gooks.

- How did he learn all this stuff? - By hanging out with my dad.

Oh, it's a puppy.

Oh, my God.

It's the puppy story.

Nobody wants to blow up a puppy, but I'll do anything to protect my men.

I will.

That puppy will walk into that village over there

and get the job done for us.

Oh, shit.

Is that a foot?

That's a nice touch.

There's no better feeling than killing the enemy.

- Nice. - Oh, my God.

War is ugly, but necessary to ensure a better world for our children.

There you go. There you go.

Take my own son, Tom.

- Tommy, stand up. - No.

Get your ass up.

Tom has the freedom to do whatever he wants,

but my men fought and died

so he could tell jokes, hang out with his Jew buddies

and prance around like some Gypsy broad.

Did you know my son needs to inject testosterone into his body?

What kind of man needs to inject testosterone into his body?

I'm 78. I had no problem putting lead into my pencil.

No needles, no pills.

Thank you.

Attaboy. Attaboy!

- Jesus Christ. - I know. That was very...

- Thank you... - Bad.

...Stevie, and, uh, of course, Wes,

for that interesting lesson in history.

Uh...

Up next, we have Luis Ochoa and the story of his grandfather, Hector.

- Holy shit. - Excuse us.

South Beach, Miami, 1991, was all about cocaine.

And that's because of... me.

- I think I wanna see this. - Yeah, me too.

Come and get some!

Our kid's not that bad.

No way. That's illegal. We're just racist.

Let's go.

Don't touch it.

Disgusting. That's why we're always out of peanut butter.

Okay.

I understand.

All right. Goodbye, Genevieve.

I love you.

I said, "I love you."

Feelings change?

Yeah, I'm hungry.

That's my feeling.

Oh. Sir, you are back.

Has your lady, uh, she arrived?

Uh, dinner solo--

- Please. No. - In English, sir.

Your... Your French is very...

sad to me.

She will not be joining me this evening.

The chef has already begun to prepare the lamb broth dinner for two.

- So unfortunately-- - It's fine. I'll pay for it.

Very good, sir.

Plus, this is better.

Now you very much enjoy more food.

Because you're fat.

Thank you.

Oh, I didn't order that.

I moved to fucking Gordes! Gordes, France. For her!

Don't grieve, for there are, what do they say?

"Plenty of fishes in the sea, oui"?

You know, she said my teeth were fucked up.

She made me get adult braces and I feel stupid.

Would you like to know a simple secret to life?

Sure.

Be open to the right opportunity when she presents herself.

Merci beaucoup.

Please. Don't speak French.

I'm sorry. I'm really fucking drunk.

Well, yeah.

Welcome to France, eh? Yeah.

You have to hold your liquor, right?

You know, I lost 300 lb.

Bonjour. This is Genevieve.

Leave a message.

I can't fucking drive.

Hey, Genevieve. This is Joe.

I'm still in Gordes.

I moved here to be with you, if you recall, and guess what?

I'm not sorry.

I met a guy.

Not like that.

Like a cool older guy, and he says there's fishes everywhere.

So I'm gonna catch a long-nosed fish,

like the kind just mounted over a fireplace.

You ever see those?

And you're like, "Holy fuck! Did you catch that?"

So big.

How many fish did you see?

Oh, this is stupid. I'm not sending this.

Fuck. Did I just send that?

Me?

Okay.

Hello?

I'm back here.

Wow.

Why are you the only handsome man that has ever passed by?

I don't know.

I've been standing at that window for three whole days.

I'm glad I walked by.

Me too.

I'm Katie.

Uh... I'm Joseph.

Joseph?

Juju?

I like that name.

You have broad shoulders, Juju.

And beautiful eyes.

- I'm glad you like them. - Mmm!

That was...

very nice.

You're a real man.

I am? I am.

Mm. It's not easy to find.

You're having trouble finding a man?

Oui.

Did you ever go outside?

Oh...Mais oui, Juju.

You are...

stunning.

I mean, I was seeing someone.

She said I'm a friend type.

Then I met a cool older guy.

He was saying, "There's a bunch of fishes--"

I want you to fuck me.

What? Yeah, okay.

I do. I mean, I want to. Thank you.

Fuck. Yeah, let's do that.

Oh, my God.

But...

I want you to do me a favor.

Okay, yeah, sure.

You have to fuck my sister first.

She's my twin.

Okay? Sure. I can do you that favor.

Promise?

I will do my best, madam.

- Do you want me, Juju? - Mmm-hmm. Yes. Yes.

- I want you. - Oh. Good. Good.

No! I want you to want me more!

- I never wanted anybody more. - More!

I want you to take me and do whatever you want with me.

Whatever pleases you. Mm!

- Juju! Yes. Okay? - Okay.

- Okay. - Watch your step.

I'm yours, Juju.

Yes.

But first... my sister.

Okay.

Is she coming or is she here?

What does she look like?

Oh...

No! Fuck!

Who is this?

What is that?