Original subtitles

- I love you. - I love you too.

Havana. You got 24 hours, Agent Six.

Don't get yourself killed.

Could be fun.

In my line of work, I'm always on the road.

New city.

New name.

New target.

Whiskey. Big ice cube.

They tell me you are looking for El Escorpión.

Not tonight.

But I never lose myself.

It's a job.

I have a routine.

No attachments.

Follow your rules.

I only have one.

No women, no children.

Oh, fuck.

Maybe she's okay.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Fuck.

Six here.

Is it done?

Yep.

Got her.

"Her"?

Your target was a man.

Uh, no, it wasn't.

The target you sent was a blonde woman.

Unless you're saying it's a man.

I mean, I'm not gonna assume their pronouns.

It's a female-presenting person.

Uh...

Six, you killed the wrong target.

I don't know what to tell you, PQ, but the way this works is

you send a photo of a person and I kill them.

The only way it gets fucked up is if you send the wrong photo.

Holy shit!

You sent the wrong photo?

- I didn't. - You did!

You got an innocent woman killed, now you're gonna deny it.

You know what? Connect me with HR.

We don't have an HR.

Exactly. That's how we end up in situations like this.

Look, I gotta go, man. I don't know what the fuck to tell you.

In my line of work, I only have, uh, two rules.

How do I get out of this fucking place?

No children.

And, uh, never lose your cool.

Oh...

What the fuck?

Ugh...

Fuck!

What the fuck did I eat?

Fuck. I got ice.

Did I drink the ice?

This is fucked.

Ugh, there's so much shit, it's fucking everywhere.

I hate my life.

Jesus Christ.

Oh...

Oh, fuck.

Just a moment, Enrique, I'm coming!

No problem, sir.

I'm at the harbor right now, dude. There's a paid ticket I have.

They're gonna leave

- if I don't get on the boat. - Six.

- This guy's gonna take off. - Six.

Hold on a sec. The bags. Pick the...

- Six... - Pick the bags with me.

Hurry up, sir.

Fuck!

- Fucking key's in my jacket. - Six.

I, uh... Hey!

Oh, it's you.

Yeah. Would you do me a favor?

Would you fuck a friend of mine?

You don't have to really fuck him. Just play with this dick.

He probably comes fast. Uh, you understand?

Like, will you have sex with my friend?

Motherfucker.

No, uh... You know what?

Scratch that. New plan.

You're making me pull out the big guns here.

That's some wild shit.

You like sloppy top, right?

- What? - Blow jobs. I'll give you a blow job.

Make sure nobody learns about this,

and I will give you a blow job on your morning commute...

- Agent Six. - ...every day.

And if I go out of town,

I'll double up when I get back, all right?

And I will not act like it's a chore.

I will work at it.

I'll learn what you like, and I'll take my time.

I will enjoy it.

Want me to put my finger in your ass?

I can do that too. I don't mind getting a little dirty.

- Um... - And you can just bust

right as we're pulling into the parking lot.

Please let me do this.

I want to be your cum slut.

I want you to fill me up,

fill up my belly every day with your yum-yum... sauce.

I want to drain your nuts.

And I don't have a gag reflex. I've never told you that.

So, my throat...

...which has no gag reflex, is yours.

You own my throat.

Every day. Please.

Does this guy ever shut the fuck up?

Am I on speakerphone?

And video.

What the hell is "sloppy top"?

Uh...

What's that?

You guys are breaking up. My battery's dying.

We got you at 85%.

In my line of work, there are no rules.

Actually, I just can't be handcuffed by rules.

So, you know what I mean?

Oh, except for that no children rule.

The "no children" is a good rule.

I don't kill kids.

- Fuck. - My child!

- No. - My one-week-old child.

Can somebody come shoot me?

Jobs are tough.

I mean, I wouldn't know because mine is not.

I'm a comedian.

You know that dumb shit you get sent to HR for saying?

I get paid for that.

But other people's jobs are...

...messy.

You ready, boys?

Also messy.

Some people are great at their jobs.

Fifty-five years, not one kid hit by a car.

Other people are bad at their jobs.

Like my piece-of-shit assistant Reed,

who is a completely inept fucking moron

who is only still here because I hate confrontation.

- Doing great, bud. - Sorry, sir.

I may be a lowly comedian, but it's a job I take very seriously.

As you'll see from the stories I'm about to share with you.

Let me be perfectly clear from the start.

This isn't so much a job as a responsibility.

Our residents, they don't have much time.

What they need is consistency and order.

They don't like change.

Do you understand?

Si. Yes, I understand.

When I see a wrong in the world,

to leave it would be a betrayal of my own heart.

Mr. Fletcher.

Mr. Fletcher.

You gotta see this.

I pay you to clean, not to dance.

Signore, these people are not ghosts.

They are not shadows of the past.

We must give them more.

You're a liability.

I don't know what this man is doing,

but he's incredible.

I used to be an opera singer.

You have a beautiful voice.

They're alive again, sir. The man has a gift.

How is he doing this?

Lick my ass. Lick it. Oh.

What the fuck?

Yes, you are my nasty girl. Yeah.

Yes.

What the hell is going on?

Signore, I give them life. I come so hard.

They eat my ass.

Now you understand?

No.

No, I don't understand.

You get out! You get out now!

Coward!

I do it for them!

Massimo!

Please calm down. This is very cut-and-dried.

He was not cut.

And I was not dry.

I didn't even get to eat his ass.

- We want Massimo. - Massimo!

They won't eat, sir.

It's been weeks.

I don't know what to do.

Massimo.

- Massimo. - Yes.

I am a simple man from Sardinia.

Where I'm from, we take care of our elders.

We show them love. It fills them with life.

You treat them like they're already dead.

These are beautiful people.

Look at Marta. She can garden again.

Basta. Basta. No more. Oh!

And John,

he play a baseball catch with his bambino.

Dorothy.

She learn and she love a nipple torture.

Feels nice.

- Yes! - Yes!

Oh!

Well, it's unorthodox, but I can't argue with the results.

Massimo can stay.

Hey!

Come into me!

This is my home!

I don't go nowhere!

This is my home! Forever!

I'm pregnant.

No...

English.

What?

Io no speak inglese.

He definitely speaks English.

No, no. Uh...

He's calling an Uber.

No, no, no.

I, uh... I go Walmart.

I come back ten minuti.

You stay.

Uber for Massimo. Going to the airport?

Fuck.

Okay, I come right back.

Okay. Bye-bye.

I come back ten, maybe 15 minuti.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Fucking Italians.

Fuck my life.

We need to increase efficiency in the fourth quarter

if we're going to keep the board at bay.

So I'm expecting big things from your team, Evan.

Evan. Are you even listening?

Uh...

Sorry, sir, I, uh...

I'm just a little thrown by the IT guy.

Oh, right. Uh, Cyrus from IT is using the latest tech to update our servers,

which should help us with our efficiency objectives.

Now, if you look at the numbers from the latest manned projections,

page 3 clearly lays out the efficiency measures

that will put a cap on cost overruns that put us in the red

on two of the last four quarters.

Part of that was due to Tampa not coming through

with the metrics we requested.

We do not want to pull another Tampa.

Sir...

What's going on? I was really cranking.

Yeah. What are you doing?

Updating our server with the new software patch

and getting us back online.

What's it look like I was doing?

I mean, it looked like you...

You had two, uh...

Look, I...

Why are you doing your work in here?

Can't you do it in your office?

And miss Cheryl's birthday?

No.

I guess I was just raised different.

Plus, I don't want a repeat of Oliver's birthday.

I didn't get any of that cake.

- That was some good cake. - It was.

Can I get back to it? Please?

Yes, of course.

Jesus Christ.

Anyway, legal wanted me to remind all of you

that any and all sales contracts need at least three days of lead time.

Whoa, doc.

That's a big one.

You can reach out to Marcy Malloy, lead counsel,

and she can turn around contract approval in as little as one business day.

Just don't abuse it.

Please... please do not forget to--

Oh, come on, sir.

He's clearly using that headset for virtual reality porn.

I'm sorry.

Did you just say virtual reality porn?

Is that even a thing?

You just mimed unzipping pants

and said, "Whoa, doctor, that's a big one."

I unzipped a server file that's absolutely huge.

I've never seen printer drivers this size.

Okay, but then you pumped.

I mean, you were pumping...

Lube?

Thank you, Cheryl.

Lubrication was the word I was looking for.

You were pumping lubrication.

Okay.

After I unzipped the server file, I pushed down the excess data.

And then I just rubbed my hands together because I was cooking, man.

Yeah. What about all the licking?

Oh, my God.

I have severe carpal tunnel from working with computers all day. Okay?

So I activated the oral control,

including the tongue toggles, so I could be more efficient, sir.

Why am I explaining myself to you, Evan?

Do I come into your office and ask you about the numbers

on why our tax liability in China has tripled since you joined the company?

No. I let you do your work.

Let me do mine. Okay?

As far as I know, I'm the only one here who knows how this software works.

Uh, maybe I'm mistaken. Do you?

Do you?

How about... just get back to work?

The sooner we finish, the sooner we have cake.

Sound good? Okay.

He was eating ass.

I don't know how servers work.

This technology is the future, ladies and gentlemen.

Six months from now, you're all going to be using it.

So adapt or die.

Well, speaking of tax liabilities,

Evan, why don't you give us an update?

I'd love to, sir.

Ahh. Come here, little buddy.

That's a good boy.

As you know,

over the past several quarters, we have had a tariff...

- That's a good boy. - ...um, increase.

Oh, yeah. Tight little pup.

Our projections are show...

- Oh, so tight. - My... My...

Sir, he's being a little Chinese girl.

Evan, let the man do his work.

Oh, is this hard?

You know what? Let's just do cake.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah? Let's get cake.

Come on, guys.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Cheryl

I'm almost there.

Happy birthday to you

Oh! Look, the servers are back online.

You're welcome.

- Good job, Cyrus. - Nice work.

Oh, Christ.

Hey.

Where's my slice?

Oh, no.

I'm sorry, Cyrus. All out.

I guess I'm not so good with numbers.

All right. Did everyone get cake? Good.

Double slice.

For you a slice. All right.

You cut that piece in half.

Great. Let's eat some cake.

That's fantastic.

Wow. Who picked this up?

Mmm... Now this is cake.