Original subtitles

* Sometimes the world looks perfect

* Sometimes you just get a feeling

* Like you need some kind of change

* Nothing's gonna stand in my way

* This flame in my heart

* Like a long-lost friend

* Gives every dark street a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* On the wings of my dream

* Through the rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life

* And my dream

* And nothing's going to stop me now *

LARRY: Now, don't worry.

Everything is gonna be all right.

No, I promise.

Cousin Larry,

will be the hit of the Airline Tennis tournament. Why?

Because, surprise!

I've decorated your tennis racket!

Thanks, Balki.

Well, you don't seem too jazzed.

Did I go over the top with the kri-kri tassels?

No, no. I, uh, I love the kri-kri tassels,

but I just got a call from my sister, Elaine.

She got a scholarship to go to the Juilliard's School Of Music.

That's wonderful! Not quite.

She only got a partial scholarship.

What does that mean? She can only go

to part of the school?

No.

No, it means they'll only give her

part of the money for tuition.

And she won't be able to go to the school at all

if she doesn't come up with other $3,875.

Does Cousin Elaine have that kind of money?

Of course not. That's why she called me.

Oh.

Do you have that kind of money?

But I promised her I'd come up with the money

and I'm not gonna let her down.

I just have to think of a way to raise it.

Cousin, cousin. You know, on Mypos...

On Mypos, a surefire way to raise money

has always been the goat spleen and pig snout breakfast.

All you can eat for 50,000 digdas.

Limit, ten per family.

Let me give that some thought.

(SERENE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(LARRY GROANING)

LYDIA: Balki, what happened?

we had a car accident.

We stopped at the red light,

but the car behind us didn't.

And we got rear-ended right in our rear ends.

Now, cousin, I can fix this.

I used to take care of sheep with lower back spasms.

Take the head, please.

(GROANS) Balki, please.

(LARRY SCREAMING)

Balki, please.

(SCREAMING)

Balki... (SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Balki...

(WHINING) Please, don't help me.

Please, don't help me.

Excuse me.

(THUDS)

Appleton, Bartokomous has to sort the mail.

If you want to rest,

sleep on your own desk.

He is not resting. He's in pain. (THUDS)

(LARRY GRUNTS)

The boys were just in a car accident.

Larry hurt his back.

Pretend you've got a heart, Sam.

Oh, that's terrible.

Get off the table. We've got mail to deliver.

I'll be off in a minute. I'll be fine.

Cousin, let me help you. No, no. No!

Please, don't help me.

That would be my hurt finger.

I know.

(GRUNTING)

Larry. (GRUNTS)

I have seen some backs go out in my time.

So take my advice, go to the hospital

and have your back looked at.

Help me sit up.

(GRUNTING)

Oh, much better.

but I know how to handle this.

A little ice, a heating pad.

I'm sure it'll snap right back into place.

I won't be needing it till the, uh, 26th.

Cousin, I'll go get the ice.

Do you prefer the wet or the dry?

Smokeless and it don't stick to your skin.

(SIGHS)

(YELPING)

(GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

(GRUNTING)

Oh!

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(BONES CRACKING, YELPS)

Much better.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

So, you got a lawyer yet?

What?

Got a lawyer yet?

Appleton, you were rear-ended.

You could claim whiplash and sue the pants off the guy.

Oh, but my back popped into place. I'm fine.

So?

So, I don't believe in making somebody pay

for an injury I don't have.

Appleton, the guy wouldn't pay a thing.

His insurance company would.

Hey, it's no big deal to them.

Four or five thousand dollars?

Yeah. But, hey,

maybe you have no use for that kind of money.

(SCOFFS)

Four or five thousand dollars?

Dr. Volvo said that the best thing

for Cousin Larry to do is nothing.

And I'm here to make sure he do it.

Well, he's been a prince through all this.

Now, cousin, shh...

But the toughest part is the mental anguish.

You done?

I mean, uh...

when you're used to being an active,

vital, independent member of society,

it's tough to sit back and...

not be able to do things for yourself.

Even the simplest things, uh,

picking up a magazine. One moment.

Tying my shoes, turning on the TV.

They're impossible.

And, uh, of course, the...

But really, it's the helplessness.

The complete dependence on someone else,

that, I think, is the...

the toughest pill to swallow.

It must be pure hell.

Oh, girls, he's exhausted.

I'm afraid visiting hours are over.

Oh, well, we'll come back tomorrow, Larry.

And, now, don't worry about the tennis tournament.

We can play in the next one.

You bought that cute little outfit, too.

Well, don't cancel yet. Shh...

I mean, miracles can happen.

Uh, feel better, Larry.

MARRY ANNE: Bye. Bye-bye.

Feel better. LARRY: I guess.

Cousin Larry, you get those thoughts of tennis

right out of your curly little mind.

We have a lot of rehab ahead of us

before you even think about

mixing any doubles with Jennifer.

Oh, you're probably right, Balki.

But it gives me a goal,

something to strive for.

Shh...

Now, listen, I'm going to go to the market

to pick up some high fiber items.

You just sit there and leave the striving to us.

Where do I come up with them?

I don't know.

(BALKI LAUGHING)

And it is triple set point

for the mixed doubles championship.

Appleton begins his picture-perfect serve,

deep into the corner, but it's returned.

Jennifer's cute little outfit billows in the breeze,

as she watches Appleton

Oh, no! Top spin lob.

Appleton back pedals.

Sets and smashes an overhead...

onto the chalk! For the winner!

Game! Set! Match!

Listen to that crowd!

(YELPS)

(GRUNTING)

Balki, did you see that?

I sure did.

I was completely healed. Completely.

But alas, that moment is gone.

Alas.

I thought you were going to the store?

I forgot my car keys. Oh, lucky for me.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Could you just (STAMMERS)

help me over to the couch here?

(GRUNTING)

All right. You're right.

I've got to start doing these things for myself.

I got it.

You're not buying this anymore, are you?

I'm not even renting it.

Okay. Okay.

it looks kinda bad.

"Kinda bad?"

You have got to understand that I am only doing this for Elaine.

You're only doing this for Elaine?

Cousin, you're up to your belly button in babasticki!

No, no!

I really am doing this for Elaine.

See, the guy who hit me has insurance

and I can get money from his insurance company

for my back injury.

Yes. That's the one.

And then I am going to take that money

and give it to Elaine for Juilliard.

And nothing you can do or say will make me change my mind.

(INHALES SHARPLY)

Oh, really?

Well, how about, liar, liar, pants on fire!

Nope.

Well, then, let me tell you this, Mr. Hot Pants.

It ain't over until Roseanne Barr sings.

(COMICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Mr. Appleton?

Oh, please, uh, sit down.

Nice touch.

I've been going over your accident report.

Bamba stiki ekta kiki iki eke bakoom. Oh, baby.

Eeni pini epapepopokono hodgi bodgi bam boom. Yo, mama.

Bamba stiki ekta kiki iki eke bakoom.

Oh, baby. Eeni pini epapepopokono.

Hodgi bodgi bam boom.

Yo, mama.

Oh, baby... Excuse me.

BALKI: Hodgi bodgi bam boom.

A little softer, now.

What are you doing?

I'm preparing to chant

the epapepopokono hodgi bodgi bam boom.

The Myposan Litany of Truth.

Do you have to do that now?

Yes, I do, cousin.

While there might still be

And if there is that glimmer,

that small ember,

the epapepopokono hodgi bodgi bam boom...

will fan it into a flame.

Okay, fine, but chant quietly.

I'm negotiating here.

Bamba stiki ekta kiki iki eke bakoom. Oh, baby.

Eeni pini epapepopokono hodgi bodgi bam boom.

A little softer now. Briber briber steka deta tiber

iki eke bakoom. Oh, baby.

Eeni pini epapepopokono hodgi bodgi bam boom.

From the top now!

The things some people will do for rain.

Now, uh, where were we?

Based on the accident report

a very handsome settlement of $2,000

for your pain and suffering.

$2,000?

But that barely covers my pain,

let alone my suffering.

$3,875.

Well, you drive a hard bargain, Mr. Appleton

but you've got yourself a deal.

I'll get the paper work ready.

Elefday, ho hoo ho ho hoo ho.

Elefday, ho hoo ho ho hoo ho.

Elefday, ho hoo ho ho hoo ho.

Elefday, ho hoo ho ho hoo ho.

Elefday, ha hoo ho ha ha hoo ow.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

It's over.

I already did, cousin.

The Litany of Truth failed as we have seen.

the elefday, ho hoo ho ho hoo ho.

The Myposian Litany of Hope, for Elaine.

I only hope you have not doomed her to the same fate

as that great Myposian accordion player,

Oompo Mousikako.

"Oompo Mousikako?"

I never heard of him.

So few people have.

And do you know why?

Because he, too,

began a very promising career in music,

with...

tainted money.

Tragic.

You'll have to tell me about it later.

I think I'll tell you about it now.

Now would be good.

You see, cousin,

when Oompo was very young,

his brother, Bimbo,

gave him some money to buy his very first accordion.

And for years, Oompo made he most beautiful music

in all of Mypos.

In fact, it was said of him,

he could make the sheep dance.

He could make the sheep dip.

And then one day, Oompo discovered

that the money his brother, Bimbo, had given him was stolen.

He began to play badly,

which, on an accordion, can be fairly irritating.

His brother, Bimbo's dishonesty

robbed him

And I only hope, you have not doomed

Cousin Elaine to the same fate.

Mr. Appleton, I think I've got everything in order.

Cousin, I think Mr. Garber want to see you.

Listen,

we both know that this is a dishonest thing.

And we also both know that deep down inside,

you are an honest man,

and not a Bimbo.

If you'll just sign this here...

my company will send you a check for $3,875.

Something wrong?

(STAMMERING) Yes, I just remembered

that I suffered a similar injury

when I was in Little League.

And, if there's the slightest chance

that this is just a recurrence of that injury,

uh, well, I...

(SIGHING IN DESPAIR)

won't allow me to take your company's money.

(LAUGHING MOCKINGLY)

You're joking, right?

I beg to take issue.

Cousin Larry don't joke

Well, great.

Uh, in that case,

if you'll just sign this release form here,

I'll be on my way.

(CHUCKLING SOFTLY)

The guys down at the office aren't gonna believe this.

Cousin, you did it.

You did it. I'm proud of you.

(SIGHS)

hadn't been doing the wrong thing

for the past five days.

you know, it usually takes a while

for your conscience to kick in.

For you, five days is pretty good.

I suppose it is.

Well, I wasted the last five days

when I should've been thinking

Well, maybe, we could sell something.

Balki, you paid $600 for that car.

Even if we threw in the fuzzy dice.

Which we wouldn't. We wouldn't.

Well, she's my sister.

There's only one thing to do.

I'll sell my car.

I think your sister is very lucky

to have you for a brother.

Thanks, Balki.

Uh, Balki.

You're not going out like that, are you?

Well, of course not. Don't be ridiculous.

I'd look silly like this.

Come on, cousin, let's go make a deal.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)