Original subtitles

Okay, well, thank you very much for coming. We're doing a second series of

Misadventures of Romesh Ranganathan, and we're looking for some constructive

feedback.

So, I guess the first question I'd ask is, what did you guys think of the show?

I thought you were really good in it. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Because I'll tell you who didn't.

This guy.

This is the cult of stupidity. Romesh and his posse -mouthed sarcastic

appeal to the sort of people who think imagination, spirituality and history

things to be sneered at.

At JohnMcRae189.

Arrogant, patronising, ill -informed. So different from my own experience of

this fascinating country.

Can't even spell my name right. Unfunny prick.

Terribly unfunny.

This dog reminds me of Romesh Ranganathan.

It's not just about this feedback.

It's about getting your take. So does anybody else have any other thoughts?

Can I just say, I thought you were really great in Travelman.

Do you mean Travelman with Richard Ayoade?

We're done.

Against my better judgment... This time I'm going to be visiting Mongolia,

Bosnia, Colombia and Zimbabwe.

Oh my God, he is packing.

I want to know if our preconceptions of these countries are justified.

Bosnia is the land of miracles.

Is there more to Zimbabwe than Robert Mugabe?

Is there more to Bosnia than the war?

Is Colombia all about drug cartels?

Now, this is beautiful.

Oh, my Lord. This is amazing.

I don't really think this is necessary, do you?

Hi, Ramesh. Hello. Where are you travelling to?

I'm going to Colombia.

Excellent. What do you know about Colombia?

I mean, when you tell people that you're going to Colombia, there are some

people that go, you can't go there because of the violence.

And there are other people that say, you've got to go there because of the

violence, because they're interested in... The recent TV show Narcos, and

there's loads of films that have glamorised Pablo Escobar.

And actually, that's what entices them to visit the country.

I'm always embarrassed to say it, but I find the whole thing around Pablo

Escobar fascinating.

He was a drug dealer, but he became one of the richest men in the world.

You're just going to feel a little prick, OK?

I would like to think that when my friends go, you can't go there, you're

to get kidnapped or whatever, they are obviously exaggerating based on

ignorance. But I can't deny that there's part of me that's slightly worried

about hanging out there and... ending up in sort of ropey areas or whatever. So,

yeah, I'd say I'm a little bit nervous.

I caught an 11 -hour flight from London into the Colombian capital of Bogota.

My guidebook described it as a magical, verdant wonderland, although my

suspicion was that they were somewhat sugarcoating it.

I'd also read that Colombia has got no less than three of the most violent

cities in the world. So, in all honesty, it was hard to gauge exactly how safe I

felt.

It says, muggings remain common near the poorer neighbourhood of Barrio, Egypto,

which remains a notable hotspot.

Solo travellers should always exercise caution.

Police presence has been stepped up. Very dodgy reputation.

You know, you've got to qualify what you're reading there. I am looking in

column marked dangers and annoyances. But having said that, it does look like

there are ropey areas.

And not just ropey as in people might stare at you and call you an arsehole,

in like properly, you're going to get turned over.

Are you worried about going into these areas?

The benefit for me about going into these areas is that I am surrounded by

people with much more expensive equipment and so they would be the

target.

I've been told to head to a radio station in the city centre to meet Hazel

a local Bogota DJ who would be my guide and host for the week.

Perfect.

That's exactly it. Well done.

Good? No? It's probably better the first time.

Thank you. Thank you. Hello, Las Cuarenta.

How are you, Romesh? I'm very good, thank you. Shall I put these headphones

Yeah, please.

If you want to listen to me well.

Well,

Ramesh, I don't

know what your expectations about Bogota. What are you waiting for? Are

scared? Well, do Colombians know what the reputation of the country is? Yes,

know. Okay, so I'm here to completely destroy those preconceptions, unless

they're true, in which case I'm going to reinforce them.

Well... Romesh, I'm just ending the first hour of the show.

So I'm pretty excited to take you on a road for Colombia, show you good places

and show you places that have changed. Maybe it's a dangerous place or a bad

place, but those places are changing and right now are beautiful.

Okay. You're going to be so happy. I'm so excited.

Call your family. You're not coming back.

Okay, that doesn't sound like something you say.

No, no, no, that's nice because you'll be so in love.

That sound dangerous?

Yeah, that sounded threatening.

Okay. Tell your family you're not coming back.

Hazel explained her plan for the week. We would be seeing Colombia's foremost

attractions, an epic road trip that would take in colonial cities, coffee

plantations, volcanoes and spectacular deserted beaches.

But we would start in the nation's sprawling capital, Bogota, at one point

most dangerous city on the planet.

In the 1980s and 90s, Colombia became known as the cocaine capital of the

a billion -dollar industry dominated by the infamous drug baron Pablo Escobar.

As the accompanying wave of violence consumed the country, Bogota saw as many

4 ,000 murders a year.

Look, it's OK, calm down. I'm sorry, I'm live for alert.

But Hazel was insistent that the reputation for danger was outdated and,

prove her point, wanted to take me to one of the city's most infamous areas,

Barrio Egipto, the one place my guidebook had specifically told me not

So, well, the neighbourhood used to be pretty dangerous.

OK. There was a time when there was, like, gangs.

Yeah. In this neighbourhood, they try to control the territory and, of course,

trying to gain the power through violence.

Yeah.

At the height of the gang war between 1990 and 2002, more than 1 ,200 murders

took place in this small neighbourhood in disputes over territory and drugs,

mostly teenagers killed with homemade guns.

Now, with the violence finally having abated...

Former gang members are attempting to open up the barrio to outsiders by

conducting tours of the area.

I'm going to introduce you to someone. His name is Andres.

He was in prison twice, and when he was part of that gang, he also received an

amount of bullets.

When you say he received an amount of bullets, what you're saying is he got

shot? Yeah.

This is the dude.

This is Andres.

Hola, Andres.

Hello.

Romel. Hola. Bien.

Thank you. Thank you.

You can start to ask the question, whatever you like to ask. Whatever I

Yeah. As long as you don't mess with his mother, everything is okay. Okay, I'll

have to change your first question then.

Yeah.

Walking through here, it doesn't like, to be honest, it doesn't feel...

It doesn't feel dangerous, but was it really very, very dangerous just a few

years ago?

And were you part of that?

So that happened on different occasions, this shooting?

How easy was it to then stop that life?

It was interesting chatting to him. I mean, he

was talking about how much the area has improved.

You know, his story is a success story. This is a guy that's involved in gang

crime. He's been to prison twice.

And now he's living his life legally and doing positive things for the

community. That is a success story.

Having said all of that, I am stood at the...

absolute furthest point that I'm allowed to stand because the people that we've

been with are in control of this area in front of me and they don't go any

further than I am now and I'm right on the edge because I couldn't give a shit,

mate.

Hazel told me that crime levels across Colombia have been plummeting, falling

82 % since the death of Pablo Escobar in 1993.

The colourful graffiti is a way of restoring pride in Bogota's once -broken

neighbourhoods.

In a pre -planned encounter, we pretended to bump into Roez. This is

Hola. A local artist who'd agreed to show me how it's done.

Roez.

Hola.

Hola, Ron. Nice to meet you. Mucho gusto.

OK. Where are you from?

Me. Crawley.

I used to, you know, back in the day,

Used to tag up a few bridges and that.

Under the alias Ranger.

Not the perfect crime, really.

The tag is fairly close to my actual name.

Was that your nickname then, Ranger?

No, my nickname was Fat Prick, but I didn't think that was a great tag.

Used to go down to Tilgate Park, tag up a couple of the playgrounds, and then

set -fight a deodorant can in a bin.

That's hip -hop.

Okay, I'm ready.

Okay.

So, where do you want it?

Here.

More of this, more of this, but this is more difficult.

Okay.

Uh -huh.

Like that? Uh -huh.

I mean, I've absolutely fucked that.

This is bad.

No, no, no, it's fine.

Look at that.

Oh, shit!

No, no, don't worry, don't worry.

So, how important is this?

Graffiti in Bogota is very important because this is one of the difficult

of the city.

Shit. The people don't go to the galleries in general in this part of the

Right. And the real idea for these people make this is for all this

Yeah.

That's the idea, is to have this on every wall, right? Yes, because the

neighborhood is more beautiful.

Ruiz explained that a notorious incident in 2012, in which police shot down and

killed a 16 -year -old for tagging, sparked massive protests throughout the

city. The government eventually ended up legitimising graffiti, kick -starting

an art boom across Bogota.

Ah, it's oblique.

Don't worry.

Are you pissed off at me?

No. I don't know...

What I had to do to make him angry, I mean, repeatedly he would ask me to do

stuff, and I fucked it up over and over again.

Uh -huh.

No, no, no, don't worry.

I suspect the only English he knows is, I like this very much, because he kept

saying it, regardless of what I did. I mean, I was shit.

That was bad, wasn't it? Be honest.

You changed the form, but I like this.

It's a very good scene.

I like it so much.

Would it be fair to say you sort of ruined it?

I don't think it's fair to say I sort of ruined it. I think it's fair to say I

did ruin it.

That honestly

looks like something that my four -year -old son would tell him.

I mean, you see that bloke on that mural over there?

He's almost, I would argue, got the expression on his face of a man

who's seen what I did to the owl.

Thank you for getting involved with the owl.

perspective that I was no longer welcome in Barrio Egipto, so we fled the scene

of my artistic crime and headed downtown, where my crash course in

culture was to continue at one of Bogota's legendary dancing clubs.

Do you know how to dance?

No. Really?

Yeah, really.

There's no problem, because in Colombia everyone is a great dancer, so I'm going

to... That's the opposite of what I want to hear.

Are they normally this busy?

Yeah. Actually, it's better that there be people around.

Because they told me that you were shy.

Shy? Yeah. I thought you said shy. No, no, no. Shy.

Give me your hands.

Calm down.

Just like this.

Just back and back. And you move your knee a little bit. Like double and a

little. Not that much.

Just a little bit.

And go with the flow. Feel the rhythm.

But don't move so much. Why? That's salsa, isn't it? No, that's creepy.

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

No, no, no. How about a bit of a stank on it? No, no, no, no, no.

Don't go so far. No, no.

Don't do that.

Did you imagine with a girl like, hi!

You're like getting crazy. Like, stop it. I have to clap again.

Tip, hip, tip, hip.

No, no, no. You go backwards.

I go first.

No, don't do that. No. Stay with me. Stay with me.

I'd like to say we danced into the night and I eventually got the hang of it.

Instead, Hazel ushered me out of the bar before anyone could see her with me.

She did promise we would keep practising, but laying in my hotel room

night, I felt a monumental sadness.

The only man in Colombia who couldn't dance.

The next day we met up at Plaza Bolivar. Yeah, I like it. That's so natural.

The stunning colonial square dating back to the 16th century that represents the

cultural, social and political heart of Bogota.

This is the Bolivar Square because of these monuments. This is the first

monument that was erected in Bogota.

And in here we have the national capital, the House of the Congress.

Beautiful as it is.

Like many places in Colombia, the plaza's recent history is tainted by

violence.

In 1985, an armed guerrilla group, believed to be funded by Pablo Escobar,

here and stormed the Colombian Supreme Court.

In the ensuing battle, 100 people, including 12 magistrates, were killed.

It's just one of the countless scenes of bloodshed that were broadcast across

the world in the 80s and 90s.

cementing a reputation for lawlessness that persists to this day.

What happened during the 80s, I was too little or I wasn't born, so now seeing

how the city is and how the country is working, I can't believe all those

happen here.

How conscious are you personally of that whole violent sort of stereotype or

whatever? I believe that there is a huge stereotype.

For us, it's offensive seeing someone with Pablo Escobar T -shirt.

Sometimes I feel that the problem with the story of Pablo Escobar is because

world has seen what he has done and his power, but they never shown how we

suffer as a society during the 80s. So the problem for you is not that they're

covering Escobar, it's the way that it's being done. Yes. It's the glamorization

of it. Yes, and people are like, oh, he was so clever and he did that. No, there

were bad times in here. People lived in fear. That wasn't nice.

Yeah.

Obviously, Narcos is huge.

Huge. Yeah.

You were in it. Yeah. Was there any part of you that had doubts about being in

that show?

Yes, a little bit. Right.

But it was a series in here that was well done with Colombian actors. It was

realised here, but they show, like, the side of the victims, you know? So that's

why I was involved.

But you have to also understand that it was part of who we are.

So what was your part in Narcos?

I have a little, little, little, little role.

I have, like, one episode and I get killed in the next one. So you die

offscreen? Yeah.

OK, that's a shame. The death scene would have been sick, right?

But it didn't make the final cut. Yeah.

The city certainly didn't feel dangerous.

Tourist numbers have increased by 300 % in the last decade.

and we were able to amble around the back streets and wander into the myriad

tourist shops that surround the cathedral without ever feeling under

What I'd noticed walking around Bogota was that there were lots and lots of

these sort of Jesus shops.

I thought it would be funny, crazy, let's buy a mad plastic Jesus.

That doesn't make great TV.

And if this segment, where I go into a plastic Jesus shop and buy a plastic

Jesus, makes it into the final show, then...

God knows what the rest of the content for this show is.

Keen to show me something that actually is unique to Colombia, Hazel took me to

the other side of town for a game of tejo, a traditional rural sport believed

have originated with the native South Americans over 500 years ago that's

experiencing a revival across the country.

Can you tell me what this is?

This is clay,

and the little triangles are filled with gunpowder. The little triangles are

filled with... Gunpowder.

Gunpowder? Yeah.

And the idea is to explode them. The idea is to explode them? Yeah. And you

that Columbia wants to get rid of its violent reputation, yeah?

Oh, but this is a game that is harmless.

Okay, fine. Let's play the game where we try to explode something for fun. Go

for it. Okay, I will try.

You can do it. Let's go.

Whoa, that's better than me.

Tejo is apparently one of Colombia's most popular sports.

Oh, my God, I suck.

And essentially what the game is, is there's like a square of clay.

You have the tejo, which is sort of this metal, disky kind of shot put style

kind of thing. And then you throw it at the clay thing.

Oh, almost.

Within the clay thing is a metal ring. And upon that...

They have put several triangles filled with gunpowder.

By, I would argue, quite strongly blind luck, Hazel hit one of the

triangles quite early on.

Oh! Jesus!

Yay,

it was so nice! That is horrible!

Do you see? He's excited.

Freedom. Is it supposed to be that loud?

Yeah. I am taught and brought up, and it's in my blood, to fear explosions.

You are aiming to achieve one, and when you do, you celebrate.

That's ISIS.

Almost.

It then became, I'm sorry to say, an issue of masculine pride that I had to

try and hit the triangle.

It's bollocks, man.

And so then what followed was, you know, I'm going to give a rough estimate, an

hour to an hour and a half of me trying to hit the triangle.

I

showed

no discernible improvement.

And in fact, I would say.

There was a gradual decline of my abilities as I became fatigued by the

of the teho.

Are you shitting me?

I might have just hit the camera.

Having been forced to abandon my efforts, the next day we left Bogota and

out towards Medellin, the second largest city in Colombia and home of the

country's notorious drug baron, Pablo Escobar.

First though, we'd be taking a detour to visit the country's Zona Cafetera.

Despite inviting me on a road trip, Hazel, it turned out, couldn't drive.

And so I was told that I would be behind the wheel for the rest of the trip.

I think it's better when someone drives because you learn about the road. Can

you drive?

No. No, so this is not, don't pretend it's a choice thing.

Okay, this is because you can't drive.

I've actually got something.

What?

Oh, that's nice.

We're off.

Jeez. How do you feel? I don't know. Oh, shit.

Okay, are you serious with these roads?

Winding roads are like my worst nightmare.

Well, thank you so much for allowing me to experience it as a driver.

You're welcome. You really are... You're just covering your fears.

...the shittest tour guide... No. ...ever.

No. I'm joking, I'm joking. I'm giving you the whole experience.

Um, so what are we doing today?

Well, we're going to do and know how we get some of the most important things

and famous things in Colombia.

Cocaine? No.

The thing I want to show you is better than that. Okay. Better. Better than

that? Yeah.

Okay. Drinking all morning.

Coffee, right?

Yeah, you get it. Yeah, you earn a cup of coffee.

It's very patronizing.

You're going to make your own coffee from the bottom.

We're going to make our own coffee? Yeah, you're going to touch the dirt and

everything.

Okay.

I'll tell you what we're going to do. What? On this coffee experience, I'm

to be analysing and marking your tour guide skills.

Okay. And then, depending on how you get on today, I will complete a formal

assessment, and if it's not good, your nickname for the rest of the trip is

Tour. No.

No.

Hazel told me we would be getting to the farm by 4x4.

I told her we were already in a 4x4 and she told me this was a special 4x4. Then

I called her shit tour again and she told me I was rude and then we arrived

town called Philandia.

Which I quickly learned is famous for its 4x4s.

It's coming.

You like it?

Are you scared?

That's beautiful.

That's a Jipao.

That's my surprise.

Do you like it?

Although it was hard to take in much detail, apparently this tradition began

when local growers would compete to see how much coffee they could load onto the

back of their Jeep.

There is now an annual festival.

which sees drivers compete from across the region.

That was amazing.

So Joan is asking if you want to go into the car.

Okay,

that's what I wanted to hear. All right, let's do it.

Okay, shit.

Okay.

I'm okay.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit.

I'll be honest, I liked it a lot. There's a hip -hop thing about it, you

that sort of low rider showing off the hydraulics and all that shit. I love all

of that.

And then I look across and there's a guy gesturing to me with his hat off and I

think, oh, who's that bloke? Oh, that's the driver. He's got out.

I'm sorry, mate.

Unacceptable.

First of all, unacceptable to get out of the car. Second of all, unacceptable to

get out without checking with your passengers if they feel comfortable

And then we just sat on there, Hazel's laughing.

It's sort of descending into hysteria. We could die here.

That was amazing.

Holy shit.

Okay, we have left a very comfortable transport situation to get into a very

uncomfortable transport situation.

Well, actually it's not uncomfortable because I'm fine, it's just scary.

Yeah, that's uncomfortable.

Is there something pinching your bum bum or something?

No, but... So it's not uncomfortable. No, but that is... If you're worried

dying, I would describe that as discomfort.

Colombian coffee is considered by many to be the finest grown anywhere in the

world. 810 ,000 tons of the stuff is produced here each year, the equivalent

roughly 115 billion cups.

On arrival at the farm...

Hazel informed me that it was my task to produce just one.

You have to do the whole process to enjoy the cup of coffee in the end.

Well, let's go then.

No, I'm just going to wait here.

I love landscape. I always like to take a view, meet people. I know what this

is. I'll go make the coffee then. Yeah. You relax, yeah?

And I'll bring you back a cup of coffee like an absolute truth. Thank you very

much. I love you. Never change.

Go away. You're amazing.

I trust in you.

Shut up.

Bye.

Finca El Ocaso is a small family -run farm that's been producing coffee here

hundreds of years.

We are going to pick only the red one, yeah?

This one, right?

Yeah. They've recently started offering a coffee -picking experience, and their

son, Santiago, guided me through the process.

Oh. Yes.

Shit. So how many cups of coffee could I get out of this?

Hmm. Estimate. I won't quote you on it. Maybe like two?

Three. Two or three? Yeah. Well, that's enough then. Let's go.

It's their next day, isn't it?

There's still a couple of green ones in there, Santiago. And I'm not trying to

point any fingers, but it wasn't me.

There followed stages in which I was asked to remove the skins, wash them

to remove any residue.

Put the coffee in the bed. In the bed.

Yeah. And then spread them out to dry.

At this point, Santiago mentioned that we should now come back in a week when

the beans would be ready.

So we wait for seven days or ten days.

Seven to ten days. Yeah.

The exercise revealed as meaningless, I skipped the roasting, grinding and

brewing section and opted to simply buy Hazel a cup from the cafe.

Hello, Hazel.

Here. Are you tired, are you?

Sitting on your arse all afternoon?

Yeah, a bit.

I brought you some coffee.

How are you?

Can I say something? I didn't make this. Shall I tell you why?

Why? Because it takes ten days.

Oh, okay.

So this utterly pointless exercise.

So I've just been dicking around.

Oh. Did you grab some beans?

Do you know what this is? Yes, I did.

Oh, that's nice.

Have you done that before?

Yeah. When?

I'm Colombian. So talk me through the stages. You pick the beans, then what do

you do? Then you put it in the sand to toast.

Okay, absolute bollocks. So you don't know how to do it.

Which one is it? No, that's like the fourth step.

Beautiful.

Not worth it, but beautiful.

The next

day...

We got into the car and I drove fit tour through the mountain pass and on to

Medellin, the home city of Pablo Escobar.

Percussion. No road.

I mean, every stretch of road has got a warning on it.

You know what they should do in this country?

What? Leave off the warnings. Just put a sign up when it's a safe stretch of

road. OK. Just go, time to relax.

This bit's not a death trap.

OK.

I'm feeling like... Dizzy?

My stress levels are increasing.

Can you not feel that?

No. No, do you know why? Because you're not driving.

Huh.

Holy fucking shit.

I mean... Yeah, it gets scary too.

It's okay, Ramesh. It's okay. We're alive.

Let's pray.

Let's hold hands and pray.

Where are we going?

We're going to Medellín.

Medellín. Medellín. Try to say it correct.

Medellín. Medellín. Yeah, that's beautiful.

They have a lot of textile production.

The most important company is called Coltejer.

And we have a great production of textile in there.

And what else is Medellín famous for?

They have like La Feria de las Flores.

And they do like a parade.

Yeah. It's beautiful.

Yeah.

Hazel. Beautiful.

Hazel. Yeah. Cut the shit, yeah.

What else is Medellin famous for?

That's it.

Oh, Juan Valdez.

No, not Juan Valdez.

Hazel seemed determined to avoid all mention of drugs, drug lord, drug

production, drug consumption and drug violence.

And so, somewhat unexpectedly, we embarked on a sightseeing tour of one of

world's most notorious cities.

All the fabrics you want. That's why it's the biggest fashion week in our

country. It's made here in Medellin.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. This is seamless.

People all over the world came here to see all these bronze sculptures.

Thank you.

Come on. What?

The reason that people come to Medellin is Pablo Escobar.

Well, some people, yeah.

Yeah. So can we please... I'm not going to change my perception negatively.

Can we just please... You want to do something... I want to see some Escobar

shit. Really?

Yeah.

I understand the interest from all the words. If you want to see something of

the narco -terrorism, I will take you. I will gladly take you.

OK, I'm going to ignore the tone and I'm going to say yes. Please, can we see

some... OK, let's do it. Yes!

Born in 1949, Pablo Escobar rose from nothing to become arguably the most

powerful criminal in history.

At the height of his power... he supplied 80 % of the world's cocaine,

him the seventh richest man on the planet, worth an estimated $30 billion.

Despite the violence that accompanied his grip on power, Escobar cultivated a

Robin Hood image around himself, handing out cash to the poor and building

houses for the homeless.

Today, a thriving industry has grown up around his legend.

partly off the back of the recent TV series Narcos.

So -called narco tourists are estimated to account for up to 10 % of the

visitors to the country.

Hazel was taking me to see the bombed -out ruins of one of Escobar's many

holiday homes on the outskirts of Medellin.

He is essentially the greatest supervillain of all time. I'm just

devil's advocate here, OK? But he was a really good drug dealer.

It's not the most wholesome thing, but listen, he was great at it, right? I

think he was very good.

Even for me, it's like saying, like, hey, Hitler, he was great. No, I

say that.

People cannot go to shopping malls.

Everything was a sound of fear.

If you saw a car on the street, you just change, because a lot of people thought

it was going to be a bomb.

Is there any part of you at all, and there's no reason why there should be,

is there any part of you at all that thinks, There was some good in him

he took this money from ill -gotten gains but tried to channel it into

a bit positive.

Well, actually, when he died, there were more than 20 ,000 people that went to

the funeral to pay their respects.

Of course, there are people that believe and see that he was a good guy because

the good things he did for them.

But some people also said that he was doing this because he was able to go to

the neighborhoods and people would help him to hide from the police and protect

him. So it was like a double intention.

That is the hacienda, La Manuela.

Oh, my God.

All the legacy is just something.

I didn't expect it to be so emotive. You know, like, I don't know, it just

looks... It's creepy, like eerie.

It's an uneasy feeling seeing that, isn't it?

It's weird.

Originally built for Escobar's wife, La Manuela was bombed and destroyed by an

anti -Escobar group called Los Pepes in 1993.

Yolanda worked here as a housekeeper at the time and her family were given the

property after his downfall.

Do you feel, you know, we hear a lot of negatives about Pablo, do you feel that

there were any positive effects that he had on Colombia?

Acá fuimos más de 200 empleados.

Construyó casas en Medellín para la gente más humilde.

Por eso allá hay un barrio que se llama el barrio Pablo Escobar.

Construyó placas polideportivas, centros de salud.

Me pareció una persona muy seria, muy parca al contestar.

He was limited to answer yes or no, but he was not one of those who would enter

in dialogue with a person who did not have much confidence.

Here was going to be

the main house.

It could not be finished.

In the center there was a patio in the open air with a bridge.

Having escaped from his own private prison in 1992, Escobar found himself on

run from rival cartels, vigilante groups and US intelligence agencies.

He was eventually shot and killed on a Medellín rooftop in 1993.

one day before his 44th birthday.

By then, he was believed to be responsible for the death of at least 5

people.

Were any of your family and friends affected by everything that went on

Pablo Escobar and the sort of general fear in the country?

And do you feel that Colombia now has left this part of its history behind and

is completely onto a positive path now?

I mean, this is proper mad, cos, like... You sort of... I mean, this would have

been his main bedroom.

It's a weird feeling, because this is paid for through drug money,

You know, you sort of... You can't help, as you're walking around, the fact that

you're walking around bombed ruins, that brings into sort of sharp focus the

fact that this was funded through some pretty horrible stuff.

But, on the flip side of the coin, I mean, it is an amazing house.

Like, there's a pool over there. I mean, it's like a supervillain's pad.

You can't get away from that.

And that makes you feel, I don't know, it doesn't make you feel guilty a little

bit, I guess. You know, you're sort of, I'm glamorising it in my head, never

mind it being glamorised for me. I'm glamorising it in my head.

Walking around, though, you cannot avoid...

thinking about it, you know, thinking about the reality of it.

La Manuela is open to the public, and tourists are able to wander the ruins,

hear about Pablo's legacy, and afterwards... Play paintball in the

Son of a bitch.

Oh, shit!

Did you think doing paintball warfare on Pablo's holiday

home might be accused of glamorising violence a bit?

Well, I thought it was something that people played normally, so... Jesus!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Oh, my God, you're so fast!

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

So do you think this sort of thing, does this make you feel like narco -tourism

is a positive thing?

Well, I'm not a fan, but I understand that the legend of Escobar has brought a

lot of people to our country. Oh, it's right here.

Would you say that you're in favor of all narco -tourism then because it

positive things to the country?

I'm not saying that I love it. Oh, shit!

Are you okay?

I can say that I love it, but I just, uh, I'm pretty aware.

Oh, my God.

Shit! Oh!

Oh, my God!

Down, down, down, down. Oh, my God! No, no!

Oh! How is this prick getting me? Sorry, yes, I'm listening to you. Carry on. I

cannot just be negative and just complain over everything.

The good part is that people are just very interested in Colombia and

discovering things that they never imagined themselves. I don't want to say

a bad thing.

My friend's reaction is, oh, my God, don't get kidnapped. Oh, my God, it's

out there. Are you going to get some drugs or whatever?

And that is the reason why people didn't want to come to Colombia.

You know, people were scared of Colombia.

But the irony is that that part of Colombia's background is what actually

people here. There are people, particularly coming from America, who

by exploring that side of Colombia.

The difficulty is that the reason that people are coming is because of purely

negative... things that they've heard about Colombia or they've seen about

Colombia. And so that is the issue that Colombia has to face. You know,

I do feel like the Colombians you talk to are sort of

struggling with the morals of that.

The truth is, if you spend any time here, you'll see that Colombia's bad

reputation is no longer really justified.

In many ways, it's like me.

You know, you might watch this show and think I'm a grumpy, whinging bastard,

but if you spent any amount of time with me, you'd know that I'm a charming,

witty and lovely teddy bear.

My fascination with Pablo stated, we caught a flight north to Cartagena on

Colombia's Caribbean coast.

From there, the plan was to explore the country's miles of beaches and

Colombia's volcanoes.

Cartagena de las Indias is a beautifully preserved UNESCO World Heritage Site

that served as a major Spanish trading port during the 17th century for the

export of silver and the import of slaves.

This is quite busy. You can't go anywhere without seeing Americans have

been dropped off by a ship.

Would you say this is the most touristy spot in the whole of Colombia?

Yes. Actually, when you were, like, if you check Colombian history, Cartagena

was, like, the first stop for a lot of tourists.

It's the world heritage site, so maybe that also helped to bring a lot of

in here.

And you have the Caribbean sea in the countryside.

Where are you from?

Oh, uh... Where are you from?

Romesh.

They said some rude stuff, didn't they?

Well, in some parts, yeah. Yeah, he did a pelvic thrust.

Yeah. You looked a bit offended at one point.

I bet.

Were you?

Yeah. There's a few things like, are you really saying that?

It's awful.

Is that you trying to be aggressive?

Do you want me to be aggressive? Yeah, go on, try. Just get aggressive with

whatever I say next, okay?

Okay, ready? Yeah.

God, I can't stand Colombia. It's so shit.

No, I can't. You're so nice. I can't believe you. Sorry.

That was pathetic.

No, I can feel it. I can do it because I just don't feel your hate. I hate

Bogota. I know that's not true.

My favourite thing about Colombia is Pablo Escobar.

Don't be an asshole, okay?

Yeah, that was good. Sorry. That was good.

So where are we going next?

We're going to see some of the most amazing beaches here in Colombia. I love

beaches. OK.

I'm so buzzing to see some beaches.

Love my beaches!

OK, 50 cents, let's go. Why are you calling it 50 cents?

Let's go see some natural beaches.

Nah. What are you doing like that for?

We headed out of Cartagena and up the coastal road toward Tehrona National

and it's much -anticipated beaches.

But on the way, Hazel insisted on stopping off to take a look at the

volcano.

Welcome to El Totumo volcano. Do you like it?

I mean, is this really a volcano? It's a volcano, is it? Yes, one of the tiniest

ones in Colombia.

And how long has it been here for?

Almost 3 ,000 years.

Three thousand years? Yeah, since we have the planet. It's pretty old. Since

have the planet? Are you under the impression that the planet is 3 ,000

old? I don't know. Just in Colombia.

Just in Colombia?

Yeah.

Okay. I think that needs a fact check.

It essentially looks like an anthill that got out of control. No, but

people in here believe that this, they say that it's used to feed fire and

everything, but a priest says that it was like a devil thing, and he just put

holy water.

In the volcano. That's the popular belief.

That's the popular belief? Yeah. What's the unpopular belief?

And we are here, Ramesh.

Ranganathan.

You can absolutely eat shit if you think I'm getting in there.

No, you're going to.

Hazel told me that this volcano apparently has healing properties and

quick dip would dramatically improve my complexion.

I was sceptical as to the benefits of bathing in a giant vat of dead skin.

Right, let's go, Hazel.

Stop dicking about.

But after much debate, I agreed to take the plunge.

Hazel, come on.

Get in the volcano.

I hate you.

Oh, God.

This is horrible.

This is horrible.

Up, down.

Oh, my God.

It feels like the Black Swan. It's not the end of the tunnel.

I'll be honest with you, mate, my ears are completely filled with mud. I can't

hear anything you're saying.

Can you just put your head under again, mate?

Can you put your head under, mate? One more time.

I'm getting, mate, I'm literally, I'm deaf.

I've got volcano in my ears.

OK, don't worry, don't worry, just get out.

Oh, this one's come back. What did he say?

Absolute shit.

No, this is great. Yeah.

No, honestly, it's great. It's a great idea, and it's not annoying to get the

mud off or anything.

No, Ron, they're showers. Don't worry about that, mate.

For the benefit of those who can't tell, I'm currently getting my junk rinsed.

Would you recommend the volcano experience to your friends?

Would I recommend it? Yeah.

It's difficult now because I'm torn between the fact that I think you've

wonderful job on this trip.

I'm torn between that and the fact that I think that volcano was a load of shit.

Did you have fun?

I had fun. I laughed a lot. Yeah, I had fun because I'm with you.

And we had a nice time.

But you don't have to get into a fake volcano to do that.

We could have just gone to a cafe.

No, that wouldn't be that fun.

Did she help you clean your bum bum? Yes, she put her hand in between my

No! She did.

There should be some sort of licensing.

Otherwise, anybody can go in the lake with a bowl and just fondle people.

There was no sign or anything.

Oh, my God, look at this.

Look at this!

You like the view? Oh my God, that is beautiful.

That's so nice.

That beach looks so great.

Tayrona National Park on the edge of the city of Santa Marta is a 150 square

kilometre Caribbean wilderness, home to unique biodiversity and some of South

America's most perfect beaches.

OK.

Do you like it? Now this.

It's beautiful.

Yeah.

Well done.

Thank you.

No,

but that's the last time you're ever going to hear that because you've done

a great job.

Well done. I love Columbia. I love Columbia. Thank you.

Before I came to Columbia, I obviously...

had some, you know, preconceptions. I am sure there are dodgy places to go to,

and we were told there are dodgy places to go to. But throughout the duration of

this trip, I haven't at one stage felt in any danger. I haven't felt even

uncomfortable, to be honest with you.

There's very few countries that have those preconceptions that then deliver

such an incredible way as this country does. It's got everything.

You've got beautiful scenery, beautiful landscapes.

You've got incredible cities. The people here are so welcoming and friendly.

The beaches are amazing.

There's something pretending to be a volcano.

It's amazing.

Hazel and Colombians I've spoken to feel very uncomfortable about anybody who

comes here because they want to find out about Pablo Escobar and they want to

engage in that narco side of Colombia's history.

My counter -argument to that would be, you don't need to, because Colombia's

such an incredible country, and you will leave here just thinking, you won't be

thinking about Pablo, you won't be thinking about what you learnt about

That'll just be part of an incredible experience that you can have in this

country.

It's just a very impressive place.

My time in Colombia was at an end, and Hazel and I headed back to Cartagena for

one last dance.