Original subtitles

Okay, well, thank you very much for coming. We're doing a second series of

Misadventures of Romesh Ranganathan, and we're looking for some constructive

feedback.

So, I guess the first question I'd ask is, what did you guys think of the show?

I thought you were really good in it. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Because I'll tell you who didn't.

This guy.

This is the cult of stupidity. Romesh and his posse -mouth sarcastic voiceover

appeal to the sort of people who think imagination, spirituality and history

things to be sneered at.

At JohnMcRae189.

Arrogant, patronising, ill -informed. So different from my own experience of

this fascinating country.

Can't even spell my name right. Unfunny prick.

Terribly unfunny.

This dog reminds me of Romesh Ranganathan.

It's not just about this feedback.

It's about getting your take. So does anybody else have any other thoughts?

Can I just say, I thought you were really great in Travelman.

Do you mean Travelman with Richard Ayoade?

We're done.

Against my better judgment... This time I'm going to be visiting Mongolia,

Bosnia, Colombia and Zimbabwe.

Oh my God, he is packing.

I want to know if our preconceptions of these countries are justified.

Bosnia is the land of miracles.

Is there more to Zimbabwe than Robert Mugabe?

Is there more to Bosnia than the war?

Is Colombia all about drug cartels?

Now this is beautiful.

Oh my Lord, this is amazing.

I don't really think this is necessary, do you?

You're just going to feel a little prick, OK?

So what do you know about Zimbabwe, Rob?

When you think about Zimbabwe, you think about Robert Mugabe and you think about

the reclaiming the farmland from the white farmers

in Zimbabwe and sort of the violence and the turmoil in the country, which has

gone on for such a long time, you sort of hope that because this reign has come

to an end that...

Things have started to sort of settle down a bit in the last year or so. But

then you look in the news more recently and fuel shortages have meant there have

been protests and violence.

It feels like Mugabe's round coming to an end might have been a bit of a false

dawn. So it's difficult to know what to expect, really.

Was I a good boy?

You did very well.

I travelled from London to Zimbabwe, a landlocked country of 18 million people,

formerly known as Rhodesia.

At the time of my visit, a year after the fall of the dictator Robert Mugabe,

the country had declared itself safe, stable and open for business.

Although I'd also read that many people didn't necessarily expect that stability

to last.

My flight landed at Victoria Falls International Airport, in the northwest

the country, where I was met by my guide and host for the week.

Hello, Chupo.

Hi.

How are you? I'm well, thank you. Pleasure to meet you. Pleasure to meet

Thank you very much for doing this sign.

Did I get your name correct?

Yes. It's really nice.

Beautiful handwriting as well. Thank you. How are you? I'm well, thank you.

Welcome. Thank you. Chupo Chikara is a teacher born and raised in the capital

city of Harare who'd volunteered to show me the site.

These guys are on a lunch break or something?

Yeah, usually they don't.

Okay, can't be arsed now, though. No, I think right now they're just chilling.

Did you

have any

preconceived ideas about them?

My preconceptions about Zimbabwe are one, Victoria Falls, and two, unrest.

Do you want me to be able to see that?

That's the literally correct way of that.

Those are the two things I know. Falls and unrest.

Nothing stable.

Everything falling or shaky.

Chipo explained that for anyone under the age of 40, Robert Mugabe was the

leader they'd ever known. But he'd also left the country in a state of near

total economic collapse.

with foreign tourists almost non -existent.

You're here at a time where we're still sort of processing the past 12

months. Yeah.

We're trying to navigate the economy and where we're headed as

a nation. Because 12 months is not long enough to see what the...

What the effects of that are going to be, right? I think so. I think we've

so frustrated for so long, that whole unrest thing, that we wanted something

happen sooner and faster.

So where are we going?

Our first stop will be the falls themselves. I mean, who comes to

and doesn't go to the falls?

We're going to cross over to Zambia. Our first activity.

In Zimbabwe is to leave the country. It's the only time we're going to cross

over and see any other nation.

Good, on our tour of Zimbabwe. Yeah, I would have thought so.

One of the great things about Zimbabwe is to see the best bits, you only have

leave the country once. You don't have to take the key.

Shippo told me that although the best views belong to Zimbabwe, the actual

are in Zambia.

Apparently over a million tourists visit Victoria Falls each year.

an influx of visitors that remained constant even during Zimbabwe's most

troubled periods.

Look at this, my favourite part of Zimbabwe, Zambia. You are now entering

Zambia.

Having arrived in Zambia, we took a short boat ride to Livingston Island,

I fulfilled my contractual obligation to get naked in every episode.

I'm putting a lot of trust in you now.

Well, don't do that.

Thanks, cheaper.

and made my way to the edge of the fall.

See, but it's unbelievable.

Yes! Oh my God!

How amazing is that?

That's incredible!

Known to locals as Mossy Owatunya, the smoke that thunders, Victoria Falls is

the world's largest sheet of falling water, the UNESCO World Heritage Site,

one of the seven natural wonders of the world.

The Devil's Pool, situated right on the edge of the falls, is they only open at

specific times of the year, when the current is gentle enough to prevent

being swept away to their death.

Although, to be honest, I'm not convinced Crawley Council would have

off.

Normally, I would expect this to be the big closer for my trip, and you've

opened with it.

Is it really going to get better than this?

It will.

And this is the whole point, right? When people arrive and they say they've seen

them, this is all they've seen, but there's so much more to see.

Right. It's going to take a lot to top this.

Why don't you wear it? One more look. One more look before we go back.

This is amazing.

Genuinely incredible.

Cheapo explained that although Victoria Falls has remained popular, few visitors

have been venturing beyond this small corner of the country.

She wanted to show me what they were missing out on, a grand tour of Zimbabwe

that would take in...

Wildlife.

Stunning vistas.

Wildlife.

Vibrant modern cities.

Wildlife.

And Great Lakes.

We would begin with a trip just up the road to get up close and personal with

some wildlife at the Victoria Falls Wildlife Trust.

If you were given the option to touch one, would you? No.

Why?

Because I think if you touch a wild animal,

And it bites your arm off.

Nobody feels sorry for you.

But what if it's used to people?

It might not have met somebody with the same physique as me.

And so it feels threatened?

No, it doesn't feel threatened. It just thinks, he looks chewy.

I shouldn't be quieter.

I could be summoning animals.

Yeah, I mean, you're supposed to be quiet and you'll laugh.

Literally, I'm going to have to just not say anything because you laugh at

anything. What I don't want to do is say something and then hear your laughter

as I die.

This is pretty cool, though, being around here, isn't it?

This is us.

Oh, man.

Hey! Oh my God, that is amazing.

Sylvester is a cheetah whose entire cheetah family were tracked down and

murdered by an evil lion when he was just a baby.

Humans found him and cared for him, sort of like a reverse jungle book.

Then, when Sylvester was old enough to be released back into the wild, he

refused to go.

Now he works as a sort of figurehead for the country's attempts to protect their

endangered cheetahs. An icon known as Sylvester the Cheetah Ambassador.

And I had been granted an audience.

It is actually possible for us to go and meet Sylvester and get to see him from

close up. This is what I would consider personally close.

What is the code of conduct for approaching Sylvester?

We

were

told by Sylvester's handler that he's very friendly. He then listed the 28

things that you could do to make Sylvester attack you.

And it's very difficult to sort of fully focus on how tame he is when you know

that... If you're the wrong star sign, it'll claw your face off.

Hey, handsome boy. You notice he does purr?

Yeah.

The sound that he's just making briefly.

He does that when he's content and comfortable.

Hey, guys.

Ooh, that was crazy.

Sylvester, it turns out, moves very, very slowly, unless I am anywhere near

Because as soon as Cheapo and I sat down to give him a stroke, he moved his head

very, very quickly.

which caused the immediate arrival of a turtle head into my shorts.

That's... Just peed a little. That was unfortunate for my pants.

We're going to back away now.

Yeah.

I've got to be honest with you. Now, even if we get in the vehicle, he will

able to track me because I've shat myself.

My first impression is I love it so far.

I mean, how can you not?

I saw one of the most incredible scenes I've ever seen at Victoria Falls, and

I've just hung out with the cheetah ambassador.

Do you know what I mean? Like, if I turn around to you and said I'm not enjoying

Zimbabwe, what does that say about me?

Do you know what I mean?

I love it.

It's great.

Is there any negative points about Zimbabwe?

Um, I would say the fucking flies.

What's your feeling towards Chupa? Do you think she finds you funny?

I think Cheapo finds breathing funny.

I don't think there is anything that Cheapo wouldn't find funny. I genuinely

think if I came over after doing this little chat to you, went over to Cheapo

and said, what have you been up to? And I said, I was just explaining to the

camera that I've recently had a bereavement. I think she'd piss herself.

I just found out that I'm basically had a bereavement in the UK.

When did this happen?

I ate that you just did.

I told you.

I'm not supposed to laugh at that.

No.

The next morning, we set off on our grand Zimbabwean adventure, heading

towards the second city of Bulawayo.

Are these commuter vehicles?

Yes. How comfortable are they?

You are trapped in there like sardines.

Shepo had said that post -Migabi, the Zimbabwean economy was still extremely

fragile. At the time of my visit, there were massive queues at every petrol

station in the country.

The fallout of the latest economic crisis to have swept Zimbabwe.

That's not just a little queue.

Do people queue for hours? Oh yeah, people will park their car in a petrol

and maybe find someone to sit with their car and...

they'll go away, and that person that you've left with your car calls you and

like, hey, Ramesh, the queue is starting to move, come back. And then you come

back, and you start going.

And how likely is it that I get a phone call saying, hey, Ramesh, I now own your

car?

It's interesting, because I haven't heard any stories of someone getting

car stolen.

Isn't that lovely? But where are you going to drive it to, though? Oh, that's

true.

Good luck, mate.

Chipo said that post -Mugabe, economic crises were supposed to have been

consigned to history.

A former schoolteacher who fought against Ian Smith's white government in

Rhodesian Bush War, Robert Mugabe led his ZANU -PF party to victory in the

country's first election.

Once a source of great hope for Zimbabwe, his final years were beset by

allegations of human rights abuses and a series of financial meltdowns.

the most infamous of which was the eviction of the white farmers.

This would have been one of the white -owned farms.

But this is still in operation, obviously.

Yes, there is farming that's still taking place here.

By the turn of the millennium, with Mugabe desperately needing to blockade

power base, the government initiated a fast -track land reform programme,

effectively transferring 4 ,000 white farms to black ownership by force.

To a lot of people, it looked like it was an effort to shore up support and

trying to figure out how to hold on to power and saying the land should go back

to black people. What was sad about that is in the media, you would see that

side where it was like the suffering of the white families. And I don't minimize

that at all because it was, it was terrible for them.

But then also now on the flip side, you had.

The effect of the reforms was catastrophic.

Without the experience of running large farms, the crop soon failed.

Zimbabwe went from being known as the breadbasket of Africa to the basket case

of Africa, with inflation at one point hitting 179 .6 billion per cent.

essentially like lost value hugely and zeros just started to be added and i

a couple of notes just to show you so this is one billion yep and

that isn't the biggest of the two notes because this one is 20 trillion you'd be

in a shop i've picked something up off of a shelf i'm waiting it was one price

by the time i get to the till it's a different price are you serious no joke

Sorry, I shouldn't laugh, it actually happened.

Yeah. And the prices of things were doubling every day.

How it came to an end is that the economy was dollarised.

So basically we adopted the US dollar as the currency of the nation.

With the land distribution and the economic problems, we in Britain, you

in the West or whatever, saw these images and that is one of...

The main reason is that people in their heads decided that Zimbabwe was a no -go

zone. You know, this isn't somewhere you come.

Particularly for, you know, if you're a white person in Britain watching the TV

and you see what's happening to white people in Zimbabwe, why would you come?

you know what I mean? And that is something that has stayed with people.

When the media is pushing this narrative, it's a tough sell. But it's

beautiful country and more people do need to come and see that.

And just switching up that narrative, you're not in danger.

We continued south towards Zimbabwe's second city of Bulawayo.

What was alarmingly referred to as a quick drive.

So, a six -hour drive, is that what Zimbabwe folk think is OK, a six -hour

drive?

We could have flown, but I wanted you to see the countryside. I get it, I get

it. Along the way, Chupo wanted to show me the Kami ruins, capital of a dynasty

that had thrived in this area in the mid -16th century.

So where we're going, Kami ruins. I think in order to understand Zimbabwe

you have to look at the history of Zimbabwe. And Kami ruins is a part

of that. Okay. In terms of early civilization in Zimbabwe.

Does that make sense? It does make sense. You've explained it really

beautifully. Thank you.

It shows proof that there were people living, breathing, functioning quite

before.

colonialism started are you serious a whole people was functioning before

happily before uh cjr landed cjr

this is john rose and he turned up and he was like and he said wow there is

nothing going on in this country i'm gonna set it up i'm gonna and i'm gonna

call it yeah

That's a big move, isn't it? It is a big move. That is a big move.

Exactly. Like, what I think is a big move is the first time you tell someone

that's what you're thinking about calling it.

So, Cesar, what are you thinking about?

I'm thinking... Um... Exactly.

Rhodesia. Wait, your name?

And then, you know, was that the first attempt?

He might have gone for Rodistan.

Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe. He thought...

Rodilea. Rodilea.

Rodipo. Cow. And now we're going to stop because there is a cow.

Come on, mate, there's loads of grass there. Why would you go on the road?

What a prick.

Somebody later pointed out that roads didn't actually decide the name of the

country. It was just named in his honour, but that sort of ruined the

This is perfect.

How so?

Sorry, I mean, in England, when we say perfect, we mean utter dog shit.

Fuck, Adam.

I missed that.

For years, the very existence of Kami and the larger related site at Great

Zimbabwe was a source of controversy in white -dominated Rhodesia.

So whatever grain that was harvested would have been stored in that area.

As recently as the 1970s, archaeological evidence was being suppressed to

continue the pretense that black people simply hadn't built these structures.

They had a way that they found and survived that was functional for them,

just shows that people knew what they were doing.

One of the interesting things, I think, with colonisation is the absolute.

The indigenous people could have done this on their own.

But they did.

Allegedly.

This is clearly evidence that people had a way of life.

They existed. It was like a metropolis. It was like its own little city.

I just can't believe that white people didn't have some involvement in this. Do

you know what I mean? They had to have done. I don't know what you mean.

How is it possible?

I just don't understand it.

Oh, my God.

At this point, the mildly annoying rain shower, suddenly and without warning,

turned into a lightning storm of biblical proportions.

We hid in the car.

Ask me this question. In Zimbabwe, when there's a storm, does it always sound

like the apocalypse?

No, actually.

Usually it's just rain, but today is a special kind of something.

Okay.

Did you see that?

It's okay, it's not going to get out. Why is the lightning like that?

We decided to cut our losses and head straight to Bulawayo.

On the way.

Chippo explained that a succession of white minority governments culminated in

the leadership of Ian Smith in the 60s and 70s, who repeatedly blocked black

pastor power in order to build his whiter, brighter Rhodesia.

I don't believe in black majority rule ever in Rhodesia. Not in a thousand

years.

Many consider the problems experienced by modern Zimbabwe to be a direct result

of the oppressive policies of that period.

We are now sitting in... Rhodesia.

Yes.

So what is your feeling on places like this?

Architecturally speaking, I think it's beautiful.

Yeah.

Historically, I think I find it interesting.

In the city of Bulawayo, we had checked into the Bulawayo Club, founded at the

end of the 19th century.

With pictures of Cecil Rose adorning the walls...

This old -fashioned gentleman's club is a throwback to a bygone era, when the

place would have played host to the great, the good and the not -so -good of

Rhodesia.

You're being very polite, but you're sitting here and you disagree with it,

don't you?

I... It's great.

You're talking to me like I'm one of Rhodes' descendants.

Just tell me what you really think. You don't like it? I don't... I don't... I

don't like it.

I think one of the reasons I find spaces like this a little cringy is because

once upon a time, there were spaces for strictly white men,

and anyone that looked like me was part of the workforce.

Yeah. The other way of looking at it, though, is that it's a sign of how times

have changed for the better. If this had happened...

In the past, that you and me had come in here and had a drink on there, they

would have just burnt this sofa.

Possibly. Yeah.

Unusable. With us on it. Yeah, probably.

Symbolically, this place is quite difficult, but we will go into it a

more tomorrow when we go to Cecil John Rhodes' grave and talk about the history

a little bit.

And then we'll also...

Have some rhino encountered.

Really? Yeah.

Yeah. The rhino is one of the big five.

I love rhinos. Do you really? Yeah.

So we'll get to see them. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. But not too

But you've touched a cat that can eat you. I touched a cheetah and then almost

immediately touched cloth when it moved its head really quickly.

Yeah? Leo?

Oh, you've got a massive gas canister.

The following day, Cheapo bowled into my room at 7am and declared that it would

be a good idea to make up some homebrew to take with us on our trip to the

national park.

I don't know about you, but I think this feels so safe.

A gas canister you've bought from the market, we're now going to use to make

homebrew. Exactly.

I can't see this going wrong.

Her plan was to make a vat of maheo, a sort of local beer made up from powder.

Although she claimed that all Zimbabweans do this all the time, Chipo

extremely hazy on the details, and it was my guess that this was the first

she'd attempted the process.

OK, here we go. This is starting to paste up now.

That is pasting up.

There we go. That's what I'm talking about. That's good mahea.

Good mixing. Well done, sir.

We need boiling water.

Go on then.

Get the kettle on the go.

I don't trust homemade shit.

You know when people say, oh, do you want to try this chutney I've just made?

No.

Because I've been to your house and it's rank.

We didn't rinse out the pot. I don't know what the powder is.

We're using a sex toy to mix it.

We're doing it in the bathroom because we should be able to extinguish the fire

if it gets out of control.

Those taps barely work.

Give you an idea.

Is this a thing that everybody knows how to make here? There are enough people

that know how to make it properly.

But it's been commercialised, so you get different flavours.

So you can buy this ready -made?

Yes. Why buy it instantly when you can spend hours making a much worse version?

Well, that is not lumpy at all.

I don't know if I'm going to be able to concentrate on anything else today.

Wait until you taste it.

Mm -hm.

It's sort of...

Do you... You know Maltesers? If you don't one of them and fuck them on your

arsehole, it stings.

Leaving the beer to brew for the day, we set off to Motobo National Park, known

for its gravity -defying balancing rocks, the grave of Cecil Rhodes, and

population of rhino.

Although the park is open to the public, I was told that the relatively low

numbers of tourists in Zimbabwe meant that we would pretty much have the place

to ourselves.

We'd be shown around by Ian, one of the guides who works here looking after the

population of endangered rhinos.

What's the percentage chance we're actually going to see some rhino?

99%. 99 %?

Yeah.

And have you got black and white rhinos here?

23 black and then just over 40 white.

Do they ever get it on and then you get a little baby grey rhino?

Incredibly, never that we've ever recorded. Really?

When a rhino's ready to mate, two males need to fight for a female to reach a

peak of oestrus for conception to occur.

Wow. She gets turned on watching the guys beating living daylights out of

other. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a pub near where I live called the Jubilee Oak.

Okay. And it's a bit like that there.

A couple of guys fighting and then one of them takes the girl home.

Do you still get blown away when you see this?

I did consider explaining to Ian how it's possible to not love your kid, but

decided to let it go.

Clearly,

Ian was infatuated with his 63 Rhino and wanted me to get the experience of

spotting them from the front of his Jeep.

How safe is this, to be honest?

Not very.

Sorry. Shut up, chief. There we go.

Are you getting a strap?

No, we can't tie you in.

We haven't lost anybody yet.

There's no traffic coming the other direction. Don't take the piss, Ian.

Shit!

Shit!

I

did

ask about the health and safety situation and Ian explained that it was

perfectly safe.

At least it was perfectly safe in comparison to the rhinos, which, it

transpired, were extremely dangerous.

I cannot overemphasise the danger.

A white rhino will run 50, 55 k's an hour and will hit top speed in three or

four seconds.

Oh, my God.

Rhinos get scared, things go wrong.

If that happens, freeze.

You run, you get chased.

Very simple.

only in an emergency.

And then you are going to hear me shouting and screaming, run, get the...

Dodge. You'll know all about it. You can swear if it's actually happening. Find

a rock or a tree, get out of their way.

OK, let's do it.

Let's do it.

I don't know what I'm trying to lead.

You look so confident.

Through the trees.

Big grey shape.

Oh, my God.

Now we're going to go and say hello and get close.

This feels really close.

It's a good boy. It's a good boy.

How great is it to be?

I cannot believe this is up five or six meters away from a couple of tons of

beast. And did you feel how there's no aggression? There's no threat. An animal

that's 50 million years old.

They're dying out, and we're the only reason they've been killed.

And this is because people are using the rhino horn for...? Supposedly Viagra.

Viagra and medicine.

In order to prevent the rhinos from being poached, the park rangers have

the horns, a common practice amongst conservationists.

It doesn't hurt the animals, and Ian explained that the horns will grow back,

the same way that a fingernail does.

But even now, the animals remain at risk.

It's so mad that it's so valuable But it doesn't actually doing it. I mean, it's

stupid They disappeared on us. We go and see if we can try and catch up with

them Yeah, there's no chance that they've come around and they're about to

attack I Don't know. There's always a chance Except where did he go

now? I've just lost him.

Just give me a second. I've got to go back. God. This is our aliens You can

where he's been stepping We can't see them, we can't see them. Suddenly it

out straight there.

Cheapo, Romesh Kebab.

But Ian's quite far away from us now.

If a rhino turns up over there and charges us, let me be absolutely clear,

will leave you behind in a heartbeat.

Are you supposed to stand still? No. You're supposed to stand still if you're

the only people that are being targeted.

You can stand still.

We're gone.

We're gone.

We're gone.

You left me hanging before. It was really awkward.

Yeah, and I'll leave you hanging if a rhino turns up.

There they are. To the left, the termite nine is a grey bum walking to the right

behind the trees.

They head when they want to go, they go.

Come on, let's go catch them.

How many more have you got in the park?

Just over 60.

Nine years ago I had over 156.

The rest have been poached.

I didn't know until I spoke to you how desperate the situation was for them.

The scariest part is chances are your kids will be looking at photos and

memories saying, guess what Dad saw? I will probably never see that in my life.

I truly hope I'm wrong.

You see those figures and stats so much that you just become completely

desensitised to it. But then when you talk to him today, you just realise that

it's very real. And in the very short term, they could be gone completely. I

mean, my issue is that my voice and face... display, I would say, close to

sincerity.

So, in many ways, I'm the wrong guy to be doing this.

But what can we do?

We're not going to be able to airlift in Sue Perkins now at this stage, are we?

It's Fable. Wow!

That is special. Fable ahead of us.

And a wood pig.

As the sun started to set, we headed off towards a granite peak known as the

View of the World, the final resting place of Cecil Rhodes.

Always controversial, Rhodes has become an even more divisive figure in recent

years. The Rhodes Must Fall movement successfully campaigned for the removal

his image at universities across South Africa, and a highly charged debate over

a statue outside Oriel College in Oxford continues to rumble on.

I wanted to know how Ian...

who takes tourists to the gravesite every day, felt about the controversy.

Since I've been here, I've been talking a lot about Rhodes, Cecil Rhodes.

Yes. And what is your take on him?

One of the most amazing men that ever lived.

Because? He did more in a shorter period of time than any other person dead or

alive.

Rhodes made his first million pounds in 1870 at the age of 18, dealing the

diamond stock exchange.

22, he founded De Beers Diamonds.

23, he created the Brissaf Company.

27, he was Member of Parliament.

37, he was Prime Minister.

At 49, at his death, the richest man in the world owned six countries and two

named after him.

So what is your opinion on why, in Britain, the idea of celebrating roads

considered a tricky issue?

No, because Britain's embarrassed about... The historical legacy.

We can't look at it from today's mindset.

They try and push that he was racist.

That's one thing Rhodes never was.

It's very interesting to listen to you talk about your admiration of

Cecil John Rhodes, right? And walking through how you view that.

And I, as a black Zimbabwean woman,

I struggle with part of his legacy because, you know, one of the quotations

is attributed to him, and I'm not going to quote it correctly at all, but it was

referring to natives as barbaric. And to me, I'm just like, wow.

That's exactly what, and I hear what you're saying, but that's exactly why

you've got to take it in context of its time.

I think it's hard for me to not see it as a racial thing, that someone comes

arrives and looks at my people and calls them, refers to us as savages and

barbaric and that I have to learn the Anglo -Saxon way because it is superior

the way I'm living. You arrived and there was a way of life, but it's just

disrespect.

No, it's not disrespect.

It is disrespect.

It's not. To look at me and tell me the way you're doing things is wrong. Like,

I'm sorry, man. You just don't get around and say that. Like, you can't

that.

Don't. Don't feel like you're a superior being.

They weren't saying they were superior. They were, though. When you say the

Anglo -Saxon way of life is the way that people should do things because the way

my people are doing things is barbaric, I'm sorry, that is a superiority

complex. You are looking down on me.

Cheapo, you know, she'd been saying to me earlier in the week that she felt

this kind of conversation hasn't happened enough.

Well, she tucked in.

It was interesting to hear the same thing being presented with,

from completely different, you know, the same facts, if you like, being

presented with completely different filters.

And it was interesting to listen to, and also a great illustration of the

futility of political argument, because neither of those two guys were ever

going to go, do you know what, I'll hold my hands up.

It was... Yeah, it got really heated.

Oh, God.

Where is his actual grave?

Up top.

Can you point?

My hands are full.

But we did it.

Having said our goodbyes to Ian, we made our way to the top of the hill to watch

the sunset and enjoy our homemade beer.

You've done good, sir.

Don't turn around just yet.

Here lie the remains of the man himself,

Cecil John Rhodes.

Look, it's called World's View.

Wow.

Did you enjoy your day?

Yes, I did enjoy the day, very much. I couldn't help noticing you got a little

bit passionate earlier.

I didn't realise how worked up I would get about the whole conversation.

But I'm glad to have the debate.

And I don't know if it's a debate that we're having enough of.

Because that's the difficult thing, isn't it? You're not debating with an

He's a nice guy who just has an opposing view to you. Yeah.

When you look across at all of this, you do think the perfect thing to do now

would be to sit and drink something we made in a bathtub.

Are you ready to partake?

Of our concoction.

Why are you saying all that?

It hasn't changed colour at all, has it?

No.

No,

I think you should go first. You're a guest.

Knock it back.

So, yes?

It tastes like somebody's already drank it.

You're right, that's difficult.

That was hard.

That is horrible.

I did say, though, that some people add sugar, right?

Do you know what it tastes like? It tastes like yogurt made out of hate.

I was roughly halfway through my time in Zimbabwe, and apart from the terrifying

experience with the cheetah and the terrifying experience with the

and the awkward argument about Cecil Rose and the disgusting homebrew, I had

loved every moment of it.

This has been amazing.

It's like one of the... I would say it's one of the best places I've been to.

When people think about visiting Zimbabwe and the reason that people

perhaps doubt, you know, not wanting to come and visit Zimbabwe, certainly from

our country, is because of their perception of there being political

here. And that is not something that I have seen firsthand since my time here

Zimbabwe. But we've been out and about and looking at, you know, nature and

wildlife, etc.

So you're not going to come up against that as much.

For the simple fact there's not as many people around it. You know, we're

looking at nature more than anything else. But when we go to Harare, that's

I think...

those issues have become more prevalent in the trip. And so I'm interested to

see how much that is going to colour the rest of my time here.

I would love to say to people, you know, you come to Zimbabwe and you get really

close to wildlife, and that's such a wonderful thing. But I would also say

one of the most terrifying things about Zimbabwe is that you get really close to

wildlife.

Because this morning...

They found something that I don't think I'll ever forget.

That is a black mamba that was found in the honeymoon suite

where we're staying.

That couple are both dead.

Apparently the honeymoon couple woke up and then saw one of the most dangerous

snakes in the world on their roof. He called for hotel staff and they came and

shot the snake dead.

That same woman from that couple the day before had been

on a little safari trip and was stampeded by an elephant and

the elephant was shot dead.

I can only assume that what has happened is this snake was very good friends

with that elephant.

We continued our journey northeast to Zimbabwe's capital, Harare.

Sheepo's home city and the seat of government.

From there, the plan was to head back up north to Lake Kariba on the Zambia

border and check out some more wildlife.

We're heading into Harare. Yeah.

Formerly Salisbury.

Formerly Salisbury? Yeah.

What is wrong with the name Salisbury?

It's a perfectly good name.

Look, I'm saying formerly.

Harare.

There is nothing wrong with Harare, sir.

OK, I don't want to offend you.

Yep. But you're going to anyway?

Yeah. No, it's normally what somebody says before they say something hugely

racist.

But why are your people savages?

Harare is somewhere where I think it's fair to say British people, up until

recently, they wouldn't come here because of what's been going on. When

think about what's outside of Harare.

You know, you have the Vic Falls, you have Great Zimbabwe, you have all those

places.

It's just... I think the capital or city doesn't have, like, a huge drawcard for

tourists.

Cheapo had all but admitted that Harare's not worth visiting, but with a

kill, she took me along to the market area of Mbare.

Embare is the oldest township in Harare. And the energy is amazing,

I'm sure you can tell.

There's certainly an energy.

Yeah. So you're from around here, are you? My mom spent part of her life in

Embare.

Hi.

Hello, how are you? Hello.

Hello. Hello.

Chippo told me that Embare is the oldest township in the city.

and it's marked the city's economic heartbeat.

Here, packed into eight square kilometres, 14 ,000 vendors ply their

This is how a lot of people make their hustle, by coming out here.

It's so enormous.

Like, it just goes on forever. You know what enormous means.

But, um...

It's like a massive department store. You go through the fruit and veg bit,

then you go through the clothing aisle, and then you go to the hardware store.

There's even a doctor's round there, and you can literally get anything you

want. It feels like if I was trying to source helicopter parts, some bloke

here would have them.

I love coming to Mare for clothes shopping because... So do you still come

clothes shopping?

Yeah, totally.

It's affordable, and it's good stuff. A lot of Zimbabweans come to places like

this because...

It matches what they have in their pocket. You know, they can't go to a

clothing store.

It's just like pleasant chaos, if I describe it. It doesn't feel dodgy. I

we're attracting more attention because of the camera, but, like, it's fine.

When you come to Harare, I think one should come to Mbare.

It's amazing.

I was in the market for a megaphone, actually, didn't I?

Hi, Ramesh. Bernard.

Bernard. Nice to meet you.

That evening, we met up with some of Cheapo's friends at a local restaurant.

Thank you so much.

What's been your favourite place to visit on this trip?

I very much enjoyed seeing the rhinos. We went for a walk with a cheetah.

Me and a cheetah.

We tried to make mayo.

So let me explain to you, I'll tell you how it went down. We made it in a

bathtub. In a bathtub?

It was absolutely dreadful.

But it has been amazing, genuinely amazing.

But there is something that feels slightly wrong about having a great time

taking advantage of a country's hospitality.

when you feel like the people there are not having a good time.

That's always been the issue with Zim, when Zim was sort of boycotted or

blacklisted. It wasn't the people in power that actually suffer.

It's the one right at the bottom who don't have jobs. Do you know what I

It's like all our industries then die, and the people in power still, you know,

like, live their lives as normal.

You need to spend your money there.

You're making it right. Making it right.

Before I left Zimbabwe, Cheapo wanted to show me one final destination.

So we jumped back into the car and headed north to Lake Kariba, a massive

-made lake on the Zambezi River.

There, Cheapo said we'd be staying on a houseboat and seeing more lovely

animals. By this point, I was unsurprised to hear that it would be a

drive away.

So how did you enjoy Harare?

Well, first of all, I loved your friends.

They're cool, huh? They were lovely. I actually think it's one of the places I

think you should come to when you come to Zim.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

When you come to Zim, you have to go to Kariba. It's beautiful.

Hopefully we'll see some animals.

Right.

What kind of animals are we talking about?

Hopefully we'll see elephants.

Yeah, like elephants.

It would be nice to see some crocs.

Crocs can fuck off, yeah. What else?

Hippos. Like hippos?

In Madagascar? She's great, the hippo, isn't she?

She's so lovely.

She's just concerned about if her bum looks big in this or whatever.

Yeah. She wants to shag that giraffe.

Do you know what I mean?

Imagine what it would look like, a giraffe and a hippo getting up.

What would you call the baby?

A gerippo?

Like a baby gerippo.

That kid's having a tough time at school.

Massive arse, long neck.

Absolute shocker.

Don't sit with that kid. What happened at school today? I got bullied again.

Why? Because I look like this.

We arrived at our final destination, Lake Kariba, the world's largest man

reservoir, covering an area of almost 6 ,000 square kilometres.

Kariba is seen as one of the big potential growth spots for the country,

for its world -class fishing and houseboats.

Feels a little bit small to spend the night on.

We'll be fine.

Hello?

Ramesh.

Yeah, boy.

Wow!

This is a lot faster than I thought it was going to be. Yeah.

Can you see that? That's where we're headed. Oh, cool.

Oh, God.

Are you slightly scared?

Welcome

on

board. Thank you.

Wow. Wow.

Thank you.

Just come in the room.

The plan was to head to the other side of the lake.

to see the abundant wildlife on the shores of Matusa Dono National Park.

This is great. Finally, this show steps up to what I deserve.

And let's go uptown here again.

This is so good. I'm starting to get emotional.

I think you're going to enjoy it.

Welcome it.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. Welcome it.

Is this something that Zimbabweans would do?

If the boat can afford it, they do it.

I mean, being a landlocked nation, this would be our equivalent, I guess, of

going to the sea. It's a massive... Ice world dead ahead!

It was still a five -hour boat ride to the far side of the lake.

And so we whiled away the time doing this.

That's it. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.

Action.

Beginning to pull apart.

Sleeper, can you just let me on? I need you to let go.

Back in the land of professional integrity, we had arrived at the other

the lake.

Look at this.

We duly jumped onto one of the smaller vessels and headed off towards the

waiting wildlife.

What can you see?

I can see my own eye.

Can you see anything?

Where? There's an elephant.

Where? Oh, there, shit!

Oh, yeah.

Looks like an elephant.

But I don't want to properly confirm until I'm a bit closer.

Oh, no, that definitely is an elephant.

This is amazing, isn't it?

It is. It's amazing how long it takes me to find it with the binoculars.

This is so cool.

It is.

Oh, my God.

Simultaneous piss and shit from that elephant.

Isn't that amazing?

It's incredible.

And he is, I can tell you now, packing.

I am half -minded to stand up and applaud.

Can you see that?

Yeah.

I mean, you think about the wildlife experiences I've had since I've been

One of them would be incredible, but to have so many in such a short... period

of time and to get this close it's mad basically i've had it ingrained into me

as we all have in britain that because of robert mcgarvey's reign that this was

basically a no -go era the truth is it's an amazing country yes it's got a

complicated history yes up until recently there was a political unrest

things are still in the balance a little bit but the truth is that doesn't you

know that doesn't affect you as a visitor here

Zimbabweans themselves want people to come and visit. And if you do come and

visit, you are putting money into the country and you are helping the country.

It feels, from a British perspective, relatively undiscovered because of the

fact that we've stayed away for so long.

It is one of the most impressive countries that I've ever been to.

And so amazing that you almost think... Selfishly, you almost think it would be

a shame if everyone found out about it.

I mean, this is properly amazing.

OK, calm down. It's literally right there.

Jesus. Oh, my God, it's properly looking right at you.

What I know about Mongolia is being in the middle of nowhere.

This is pretty weird.

Do a good job, or in the training, you'll be smashed.