Original subtitles

Get your Yankee ass off my property Don't care if the bank

gave you a deed This farm's been kind of land for

generations Since we beat back them plenty Japanese

In the war of 1812, bring our boys home

Hell no. Hey, man, let me drive that thing. Come on. Touch the trim.

Oh,

not again.

Damn it. I've got to get out of my book of memories.

Why not just leave it, son?

Keep them in your heart. Your mind brain.

You know, like that time we went to Rat World down Orlando Way?

You ain't never took me to Rat World. There ain't no proof of that now. You

can't neither confirm nor deny how I shot my wife when you were younger.

I grabbed this one as I jumped out the window.

I know how much you love this picture.

I always enjoy them tennis times we had with that family that came with the

photo album.

Them was fun times we had.

With that black family that played tennis all the time.

I think the dad pushes them girls too hard.

Sure, they're successful.

But are they really happy?

Oh, God! It's him!

That's all fit!

I'm going in!

My University of Georgia 1980 National Championship Special Edition Junkyard

Red Soda. Thank you, sweet Lord, he saved us soda.

What about Aunt Lil?

You're right. Where is she?

My pillow top mattress.

It's the pillow top.

And you're calling this the pillow top mattress? Was.

The fire reducted it to a pile of pine straw soaked in kerosene.

Massage remote was a total loss.

Grunt!

All right.

Bad company. Ten from six.

Take the cassette.

Dolby.

Dolby.

All right.

I think that wraps up.

Okay.

Wow, you had the original bones of Cale Yarborough?

And the tragedy is, I never got to share them with you.

Actually, Early, I think Cale Yarborough's still alive.

That's because he won't hear in this fire.

Fire consumes every damn thing.

Okay.

One hope diamond?

On display briefly, yes.

Now, that should be around here somewhere.

Flames won't burn a diamond, you know. Flames may have shot it somewhere like a

rocket. Sheriff, I don't know. Hell, there ain't no fireman.

The hope diamond.

Well, at least a little rusty science fair project survived all this.

Ain't that the meth lab? Project.

And it's effect on the growth of nearby marijuana plants. Yeah, let's move on

right over here.

The drive -thru window will be open by six. Come on back then.

Okay.

Eight or nine skidoos. Ten. No, no, no. Twelve.

Fifteen. Twelve now.

Yeah, twelve.

He's right.

It's twelve. And top of the line.

Only the best for my family. Hop holders.

Cooler under the seat. Smoking far brackets. Grease and stripes.

Sure read every damn one of them. Had them stacked back there in the marina.

Come on, man.

You ain't got no marinas. The fire took my marina. Oh, hell.

Oh, put it on the list.

All right.

Oh, calm down now, honey.

It'll be all right.

So, uh, can you cut us a check now?

Or... You've fronted us the money.

Well... How's that work? Well, just like last Tuesday, basically.

See, I write up a report, we investigate, insurance cuts a check, and

rebuild, ignoring code and using inferior materials.

And then the Lord releases his anger upon our house again.

Maybe mid -next week.

Does that work for you?

Now, I am scheduled to get a perm Wednesday, so... So he and his smileful

could maybe try to hold off till the weekend? Oh, boy.

That'd be great.

You know, this humidity just plays hell with the activator.

Hey, Sheriff, what do you think caused the fire this time?

Donnie Russell!

Son, things happen for a reason.

But you ain't got to go inquisitating on that, right, Sheriff?

Yeah, but something is bothering me, though.

Now, how can you have a gas leak when you don't have any utilities up here?

Well, what about good old natural mountain gas?

Pull my finger.

Give it a tug.

Well, it's still funny to me.

Highbrow sums of bitches. Uh, bear with me.

I have a theory. Oh, here we go. Well, evolution was a theory, too. But them

fossils was a Jesus they rused to throw the non -believer off the scent. Well, I

didn't come for no monkey's butthole. All right, now, everybody just listen to

me.

Now, to the trained eye, this fire started here.

Let this primitive butane torches already live and burn.

Coincidence? Maybe.

But look at the burn patterns here.

See, fire naturally burns upwards.

But there's another direction that hadn't been considered here.

Downward.

That's right.

The flames came from above.

From up above?

Up on the trees? What's that supposed to mean? Yep.

Aliens.

I'd say their ship arrived at warp speed around 2 a .m.

And judging by the grain of this wood, They use them laser beams.

Technology we humans don't have yet. Rusty, please.

Aliens? Yep.

That's the name they go by.

See, there's reptilian in there, demeanor.

And according to my drawings, they wear tight red jumpsuits with white belts.

They're here for our water, and they'll stop at nothing till they get it. Well,

hell, why are they shooting up our house? Well, that I don't know, but I

sure intend to find out.

I've got aliens on my mind.

Constantly.

Damn,

that's gonna leave a stain.

Hell, I might have done that, but... Did I actually do it?

Yes, you did it! You burnt down the house!

Yeah, Daddy, you did.

Let's look at the tape.

I do not recall having done this at all.

Oh, that's why.

I am a Wildwood. Well, I guess that means... Yep, that's right, Rusty. This

is a hologram crafted by aliens in space to connive me out of my rightful

thinking that it was snake people from the skies what done burned this house

down. Snake people!

From the skies. You said what now?

Snake people.

Snake people? Snake people from space. Snake people. Oh, hell.

Take up positions. Lock down the doors. And lose defensive positions.

We might not barbecue out no found alien lizard ass meat. Hell yeah.

Woo.

By the lords of Gavron, they cover the windows in plywood.

Nice hologram, Mike. Now he knows we torched his place.

There's a stove in front of the door. It's impenetrable. Dammit, why won't

just move?

They think we're after their water. Duh, that is such a lizard alien stereotype.

Can we torch the house again, sir? Yes, goddammit. We have an easement with the

county.

Jackpot. Gotcha.

Ah, so nice to see you here, San Diego Comic -Con.

Mm -hmm. The easement has been put on the fast track, as you can see.

The squids won't rebuild again.

I'll see to that.

Mm -hmm.

Care for a human arm?

Mm -mm. No?

Mm -mm. You sure now? Mm -hmm. They're divine.

The meat is falling off the bone.

Mm.

Okay, I don't understand what that one means. I'll see you on Gecko Play.

Look what I found. An easement for your land written in lizard alien language.

Lizard alien!

Lizard alien!

Oh, no.

It was the sheriff.

It ate me.

It took my mind.

Please don't shoot.

Please. Well, we out of bullets anyhow.

Now we're out.

Well, I guess I did burn my own house down.

And I suppose I'll do it again.

Oh, not again.

Damn it. Oh, snap, son.

You blew the line.

Oh, he's burning himself out. Thank you, Mike. You did good work on this, too,

buddy. Don't forget that. Wait, wait.

They're looking at us.

Engage cloaking.

The cloaking. The invisible thing. Yeah, that was with the sport package.

Trap! Shh, shh. Sir, the speaker is on.

God, let me.

That's Rocky, bro. Oh, hell, yeah. Oh, he's working something.

He can't rebound what's been torn by a man.

Oh, hell, they're coming back.

Oh, what is that?

It's a graft for my hip. It attaches with snaps, see?

Now, they say it'll look just like my old face in six days, but I just thank

I'm alive.

Leave! I'm sorry. Sorry about that. Go ahead and shoot.

Go, go, run, ball, run, run!

Bring Daddy home a victory on the fiddler's green.

Get there!

That's a gimme.