Original subtitles

Love your fellow man just as long as you can, for the locusts swoop down

from on high.

When the creek bed turns red and your face fills with oil, and the serpent

feast on the damned, you best submit to your husband, lest your organs be

devoured by the jagged, hellish teeth of the beast from down below.

By the code of Hammurabi, both your eyeballs will be taken. They'll be

out of your head holes and shown to your body, which is now just a skeleton

because he also ate the flesh off. He'll use your radio and owner like a

toothpick for his hell mouth. Then he'll. Then he'll. Hold on. Hold on.

Stop. Play that bass note again.

Which one? The low -pitchy one. You know the one.

The one.

This one?

No, no, no, no. Back four measures.

This one right here?

There you go.

That's the one.

That is pissing me off.

All right.

That was wonderful.

Let's hear it for Jesus makes me happy. No, no, hell no. Play that note again.

Oh, give me that.

It's this.

Open your ears. You hear it?

It's supposed to be a trumpet, not a sumbitchin' guitar.

But you used my trumpet for an oil funnel. Because the trumpet don't belong

the damn band.

Oh.

Trumpet torment me.

Bass in a band.

Oh, man, Philadelphia!

Listen to the sound of the nails that are drivin', drivin', drivin', drivin',

drivin', drivin', drivin'. Listen to the sound of him eatin' his last supper.

He's eatin', eatin'. Eat. Eat. Drink it now. Why? Listen to the sound of it

playing in the garden.

That's the sound of it playing in the garden. Hey, dude. Hey. Oh, man.

Hey, man. Hey.

I heard that song playing there.

Not so good.

Yeah, I know. It wasn't in tune enough. It wasn't. There's a few other chords,

you know.

Not just the one bad one you keep playing.

Hand me the axel and check this out.

If you want to shrink like a darkness bird, I'm a favorite

part of the zone with my dog.

Hell yeah, you're going to show me how to do that. I'll not let myself do

negative one.

Oh, sorry, I meant to think. Totally, yes, we can do less than that.

You, uh, you learn you all that math in, uh, one night?

Yes, sir. Hell, Satan, my dark lord and master.

Yeah, uh, a little too fast, ain't it?

Math rock.

Sure, it's technically magnificent.

I mean, you know where to put your fingers and all.

With rain, well, that's a thousand I can use.

Chalice? No, see?

Smooth as a baby's ass. And snap!

That's like a damn chicken neck. Oh, cruel fortune.

Hey, like this, old man.

And now some bass.

I'll hit some damn skins, too, buddy. Go ahead and fly them keyboards over here,

too. Oh, that's all right. I think I can bring some from here.

Come on, Roy Clark.

I'll summon you from hell.

Banjo is dated.

You're going to be living up here with much like Banjo.

Now, bear a damn pride.

got the power of the devil in him.

Someone got to pull it out.

I ain't after the encore.

Oh, this isn't that natural.

I think my face just melted off. Yeah, he's good. I touch him. Now I'm fixing

hand him.

Dear Jesus, I beseech thee.

Please give me the magic power to shred faces and explode the brains at the neck

with a panty -tire and solo power.

Amen. No.

What do you want me to do now? I want you to apprehend the devil out of him

return the alpha dog status to me.

The power of Dougal County laws compels you.

The power of Dougal... God, that sounds stupid.

And this is just IT anyway. Frankly, I won't regret that.

Man.

Boy, howdy.

He's good. I know.

And it's pissing me off. He can play them power bounds, too. Listen in.

This boy's got real chops.

Oh, Reverend, kill a cash.

I can't face the night alone.

Or we could wait for the ravages of Alzheimer's to slowly erode his...

Okay. Jesus, Lord.

I'm lost without you, girl.

I wish I only knew your name.

Another night on the road.

Another sold -out show.

What the?

Oh, damn.

Oh, hell, let the boy play. Who's he hurting?

All right, all right.

Satan!

Come out!

Google County.

Hi there. I'm going to own you all just like I own this little bitch here.

Come on, come to daddy. Hey, man, I thought you said this was free.

I didn't have to do nothing for it. Listen to the little whiny bitch. Boy,

really going to hate it when he gets to hell. I don't want to go to hell. Come

on, do something, daddy. It's actually not much worse than your current

situation. I mean, yeah, we have really high taxes, but hey, you do earn real

money at least. I mean, we do have jobs down there. It's not everything you

hear. Oh, really?

You are raped by fire all day. And the days are longer down there. Although

there's plenty of drinks. You know what you drink? Fire, Mother Stuffer. That's

what. Dinner. That's a root that makes you thirsty for more flippin' fire.

You understand? It's ridiculous what I've set up down there. What are your

terms?

Perhaps we'll have a little competition.

Pick your best player. If he wins, you get Rusty back.

If he loses, you come with me.

Jesus was fine as life threw me.

And now I'm... No, no, no, no, no, no.

But Jesus... No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm out.

Lay forth, my little... Putsucker. Yes, go.

No,

no, no, that's not how we learned it.

He's sandbagging. Tell me that.

We walked side by side through the sands of time.

Your tiny mortal hand clutching mine.

And you asked me, Dark Master, where did your hoof prints go?

During my heart.

That was me,

making sure the cocaine was always around.

And I ran your carcass.

through an impossibly small hole into a sea of flaming hot human feces.

Where you can't draw a breath, yet your lungs are filled with that same flaming

hot human feces.

No matter how fast you run or where you hide, know this.

I am always with you.

Amused by your pathetic attempts to escape, then I laugh like this!

Sometimes the barbed wire will leave a little mark to the leaf that I do.

I had a line about that. I just can't seem to see the heart of it.

Okay.

I give it one halo out of five.

I am the judge here.

It was because of the barbed wire line, right?

I knew it. I should have used it. Fetch me my axe.

This ends today.

You're good.

You really blew my ass away. Thank you, Lord. Yeah, thank you, Dark Lord and

Master. Good luck, dude.

Oh, yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I made myself a deal with the devil so I could flip your ass.

Woo -hoo, yeah.

Wait a minute, I'm confused.

So what does this mean?

So feel free to stop in for the non -stop lizard meat social.

It'll be served raw as our Dark Master desires it.

digesting the bones and standing on our heads in piles of unspeakable manure.

Son, do you feel any different?

No, sir, sure don't.

Me neither.

In my humble opinion, this has worked out.

You worried about hell or nothing? All that eternity stuff and everything?

Relax, son.

Let's just live.

In a moment.