Original subtitles

Do you want a sandwich, Edwin?

Sure. Just remember, no nuts, wheat, soy derivatives, and the cola cuts have to

be... Nitrate -free.

What a woman.

Easy there, lover boy.

Oh, hi. Look, my rule on the homeless is I don't give money.

But I will give food.

No, no, wait, wait. I'm looking for Charlie.

Oh, Charlie, Vietnam vet, you poor thing.

Charlie isn't here, and he can't hurt you anymore.

Let me get you a blanket.

There's Charlie. He's laying everybody down.

Faith,

this is my friend, Kenny.

And, Kenny, this is the price I pay for being married to Hope.

I think this is yours.

Uncle Kenny!

Oh, my God!

Wait a minute.

Uncle?

I think I'd know if I had a brother.

Wouldn't I?

Kenny is Charlie's best friend.

They were roommates in medical school.

Now he's with Doctors Without Borders.

Or showers.

All those letters, not once did you tell me how pretty you've gotten.

Oh, I'm not pretty.

Oh,

Kenny, this is my friend... Edwin.

Yeah, Edwin.

I've been to Carl's Bad Caverns.

Twice.

So, Kenny, sit, sit, sit.

So how long you here?

I don't know.

Well, you're welcome to stay with us as long as you like. Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't you think this is the kind of thing that should be discussed as a

Charlie, we'll let you know what we decide.

It's so great, Kenny's here.

I can't wait to hang out and kick it, you know, old school.

Yeah.

You can dig out your Vanilla Ice record.

That is a great album.

Hey, you know what I was thinking?

Wouldn't it be funny if Faith and Kenny hit it off and fell madly in love?

Come on, sure it is. I mean, Kenny is smart, ambitious, noble, and Faith is

not, not even close.

Well, I just wanted to let you all know that my hair will not have its usual

body and bounce tonight because someone used all the hot water. I'll give you a

hint. He's a smelly, hippie bushman.

I feel so much better.

That shower was great.

Kenny, don't you look handsome all cleaned up.

Faith? Don't you think Kenny looks handsome?

Well, his hair certainly is full of body and bounce.

Wow.

You look like Haley Squared.

Hope, Charlie, Kenneth.

And one Edwin Zip.

I've got the case of vaccine strapped to the roof, and I'm racing through the

jungle with these 40 Hutu rebels running after us with AK -47.

I never thought I'd get out of there alive.

Been there, done that.

What is she talking about?

Faith was a soap star in The Sacred and the Sinful.

Yeah, now she's got a reality show called The Moocher.

I feel like I've been talking most of the night.

Most?

You know, with the exception of one nun in Sierra Leone, I've never met a woman

as rude as you. Well, it's hard to believe you noticed me at all with your

blah, heal the sick, blah, blah, save the world, blah, blah, I'm a big blah,

blah, blah.

Wow. For a small woman, you have a really big mouth.

Here comes the sweet talk.

Charlie, coffee.

Right behind you.

Aren't you coming, Hayley?

I might stay for a glass of sherry. Hayley?

I think

I'm going to puke.

What a nightmare.

How are we going to last a week with the two of them in this house?

Don't worry about it. Kenny and I will be hanging out the whole time. It'll

hardly be around your sister at all. Plus, you'll really get tired of all the

fighting.

Oh, my God. She killed Kenny!

Oh, my God.

I know.

That was my good gravy boat.

The lovebirds aren't back yet?

Not yet.

You know, Kitty's been here a week, and we haven't done anything together.

You went to the movie. With him and Faith.

You played golf.

Yeah, with him and Faith.

Didn't you two go shopping?

Yeah, to buy matching sweatsuits for him and Faith.

I think they're adorable.

Ladies and gentlemen, look who learned to skate.

Ryan Boitano.

And Katerina Nitwit.

Oh,

Aunt Faith, you're home.

This sixth grade homework is driving me crazy.

Can you tell me where Uzbekistan is?

I don't know, sweetie. Have you checked the laundry room?

Hey,

Charlie.

I feel like I've hardly seen you. How about we go shoot some hoops?

You're on.

Great. You and Hope against me and Faith.

I don't want to play with girls.

Come on, it'll be great.

I don't know.

Hope.

In the world of relationships, there are two distinct levels.

There's Charlie and Hope.

Ho and Hum.

And then there's Faith and Kenny.

Because we've learned over time, doing things together keeps the relationship

fresh.

Ow!

Hello?

Oh, hello, Edwin.

No, she's not here.

Where is she?

Uh, sorry, wrong number.

Look, you gotta stop moping.

I mean, I know Kenny's hot, but what are you gonna do? Go live in the desert

with him?

You get a sunburn when you open the refrigerator.

What happened?

Your father hit me.

I did not hit you. The basketball did.

I didn't want the ball.

You were going like this. That wasn't the finger, and that wasn't the signal.

of a larger communication problem.

Kenny and I went through the same thing at the beginning of our relationship.

Wow.

You can remember all the way back to last Wednesday?

I'm going to go in the kitchen and poke my eyes out.

Look. He'll be gone in two days, and it'll be just the three of us again.

I'm going to go in the kitchen and poke my eyes out.

I have a very important announcement to make.

Kenny and I have decided that... What's the news?

I'm moving to Djibouti.

Thank...

for a Djibouti?

I'm thinking when I first land, I wanted to send a plane in fire engine red,

something that says I'm a Djibouti cutie who can shake up a tutti.

That's a really nice dress, but you do realize you're going to a war -torn

desert nation in the middle of Africa, so you're saying tank tops.

No, I'm saying this is crazy.

You have no idea what you're getting yourself into.

You're not even taking this seriously.

Yes, I am.

Oh, ebony orb of answers.

Should I move to Djibouti?

No, definitely not. Well, this thing is obviously broken.

Look, I know Kenny lives there, and that's really all that matters.

It's not all that matters. You've only known Kenny for a week. You and Lessa

date in Djibouti.

How do you know?

You've never been there. You're not Djibouti.

Yes,

but I know enough about you to know that you certainly can't rub it.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means your idea of deprivation is running out of low -fat mayo.

Way ahead of you.

Now, why are we going camping again?

Cause.

We need to stop Faith from moving to Djibouti.

So we're going to leave her here?

No. We'll spend one night in the wild, and then she'll realize she needs the

comforts of home.

the best tent setter upper.

You should see it in there. It's so romantic and cozy.

Hey, Faith, I have an idea.

Let's you and I take a long hike up that hill. Huh? What do you say?

Give the boys a chance to do a little bonding.

Great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You talk some sense into Kenny, and I'll try and hike the stupid out of Faith.

Did you realize eventually you're going to hit an ocean?

Oh, I'll miss you more.

I'll miss you more. I'll miss you more. We're going.

So, you and Faith, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Look,

pal.

We've only known each other a week.

You're gonna take her away to Africa?

Are you really sure about this?

Well... To tell you the truth, I do have a few concerns. Sounds to me like your

mind's made up.

Who am I to get in the way of true love?

The important thing is, I could tell Hope we had a good talk, but you were

unbending.

No, seriously, Charlie. The candy in your face!

Oh,

this is so amazing!

Hope, come on! Come check out this view.

thing that's ever happened to me.

And like you said, don't overthink. Just go with your gut. And your gut is

saying, take faith to Africa.

Bon voyage.

We're back.

Your lovely wood nymphs are back.

Where's Hope?

She's right behind me.

Ow!

Oh, my God.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

Just a little sprain.

How did you make that?

Tree branches and eucalyptus leaves.

And my coat.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

So, uh, did you make any headway with Kenny?

Ah, that guy is a brick wall.

I think we'll just have to make our peace with your sister moving halfway

the world.

Besides, we'll see them at Ramadan.

All right, I'm going to go in the tent and lie down.

Thanks for the hike, Hulk.

Did you miss me? I missed you so much.

You guys okay?

No. I'm not okay.

I had 67... 68 mosquito bites.

I fell off a cliff.

I just had a bat in my hair.

Well, it was your idea to go camping.

I only wanted to go camping to show you how hard life would be in Djibouti.

But you know what?

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe you'll do great in Djibouti.

Maybe what I'm really upset about is losing you.

You went to Hollywood, and for ten years I didn't see you.

And now you're going off again for God knows how long.

I'm really going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you, too.

But think of it this way.

You're not losing a sister.

you're gaining a free place to stay in Djibouti.

And besides, you don't have to worry. You saw me today.

I can live anywhere, as long as there's no bats.

No, there are no bats.

There's plenty of scorpions and cobras.

Cobras?

They only attack you if you attack them.

Or if they're hungry.

Hey, if you're going to worry about anything, worry about the dysentery or

malaria.

Malaria?

Can't that kill you? Nah, it won't kill you.

But it sure will slow you down when you're running from the warlords.

And those guys will shoot anybody.

Hey, you know, you're going to do great, sweetheart.

And I can't wait to move you into my dung hut.

Your what hut?

My dung hut.

Please don't make me go to Djibouti. I don't want to go to Djibouti. I can't

live in a dung hut.

Look on the bright side, Faith.

If you get dysentery, you can always build yourselves a rec room.

Here.

It's my complete 10 -year run of Ashley Storm on this sacred and this sinful.

Plus, some bonus footage.

Hey, pen pal.

Hope I can still count on this letter.

We'll see.

It wouldn't mean a lot to me.

Bye, everybody.

Looks like I'm not going anywhere for a long, long time.

I think I'll go have a good cry, too.

Come here.

You know, I just bet there's a guy out there closer to your

age that's every bit as interesting and exciting.

Who? You forgot to mention.

Easy on the eyes.

Hi, Haley.

Hi, Edwin. I was thinking maybe we could do our homework outside.

That'd be nice.

I took, like, eight antihistamines, so I think I'm good for about an hour and a

half. Unless we see a cat.

Then you better call the number on this bracelet.