Original subtitles

Let's go, sleepyhead.

Up and at them.

Just give me five or ten more hours.

The Hannigans are putting on an edition, and it happens to be noon.

Noon? My alarm clock never went off. Yes, it did. We found it on the front

Come on!

Get out of bed!

I need your help. The Neighborhood Association is having a meet -and -greet

tonight.

Don't you ever get the urge to focus on something outside of yourself?

I'm sorry, but...

getting involved in the community.

The president of the Glen Falls Neighborhood Association is retiring,

they've asked yours truly to replace him.

It's really quite an honor.

Anyway, I'd like it if you could be there.

Uh -huh.

You're having a neighborhood snooze fest, and you need my celebrity to add a

little sizzle to your shizzle.

If that means hanging up coats and passing out hors d 'oeuvres, then by all

means.

My shizzle.

What is that? What are you doing?

You know we don't have to talk about it. We got it different ways.

But you know.

a political figure appears on the scene who captures our imagination.

Lincoln.

Gandhi. That guy in Africa who went to prison and then got rid of a party.

And tonight, we have one more.

I'm hoping you'll all join me in voting for my sister, Hope Shanowski.

Gee, thanks. And thanks for coming.

And I hope to see you at the community center tomorrow when it's time for the

official nomination.

Thank you, Hope. for those stirring remarks.

She wasn't sweet next time. You were losing them.

She does realize you're running unopposed.

This moves.

Why doesn't Cindy have to pass around? Stop. Because she has a date.

But if you want to call a little cutie from your class... Maybe take a walk in

the moonlight, hold a hand, stop for a big wet moot.

Hannigans are here.

Don't leave me alone with that Harry. He's such a blowhard.

Annie, I worry about. She's always throwing herself at you. Well, she is

human.

Honey, it's just your imagination.

Woo! Hi, handsome.

So, Hope.

Neighborhood president, huh? Good for you.

I wish I had time for politics, but we travel so much.

Did we tell you about our trip to Bali?

You may have mentioned it once or twice in your 12 -page Christmas letter.

Charlie, you're looking so fit and trim.

Have you been working out?

Oh, you know, I suppose I do try to do the ski machine every few days.

And it shows.

I can see the muscle definition in your legs.

It's your imagination.

I'll get it.

You should get a ski machine, Harry.

Something. Anything.

Um, here for Sidney?

I'm her father.

What's up? Uh, tow the rods outside on his bike.

The rod?

Yeah, I don't think Sidney's gonna make it tonight. But watch yourself, because

it comes with the door.

I'm sorry, Cindy, but you are 15 years old. You're not going out riding around

on a motorcycle with the rod.

Dad, he's a senior. He never asks out sophomores. Do you know what this could

have done for my reputation?

Yes. Yes, I do.

No pie's ever going to be good enough for you.

Charlie, is my fuzzy navel supposed to freshen itself?

Oh.

Excuse me.

Good evening, sir. I'm Tyler Sadowitz, and I'm writing a research paper on the

electoral process in small -town America, and I thought this would be a

event to see.

Ow.

Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you were real.

Come on out. There's someone I want you to meet. Hey, Sidney!

We're building a Balinese -inspired temple -slash -breakfast nook.

But I tell you, the construction has been a nightmare.

Oh, has that construction been keeping you awake, too? Well, don't you worry. I

called the police.

That was you?

We got slapped with a $1 ,000 fine for violating a noise ordinance.

Well, I'm sure if she had realized it was one of our favorite neighbors, she

never would have called the police.

Favorite neighbors?

You're the one that's always calling them Corny and Horny Hannigan.

Affectionately.

Affectionately, that is. I mean, we only have nicknames for the ones we love,

right? Spacey McShutup.

So if you were to put braces on my teeth, you'd have to put your fingers in

mouth, right?

Well, I would be wearing gloves.

Latex?

Now, Annie, and by the way, Pope, your presidency is no

longer a lock because Harry S. Hannigan is running against you.

Oh, yeah.

I hope you're in the mood for a messy campaign, Hannigan, because we're going

make life in this town a living hell for you.

You're right. It feels great to get involved in the community.

Now, which one was he?

Corny or horny?

So, please vote for Hope Shanowski for neighborhood president.

Oh. You're voting for Hannigan.

Well, it's your choice, but word to the wise, watch your daughters.

Hey.

Hey, you got the posters.

Oh, yeah.

But don't you think there's something a little weird about them?

Is it my eyes? No. My lips? No.

It's my hair, isn't it? No.

You can barely see my name.

for all the wrong reasons.

Faith, I'm just trying to do something to make a difference in our community.

Hey, save that sincere crap for the debate.

Debate? What debate?

I've challenged Hannigan to a debate Friday night. Or rather, you have. You

called him a fascist bedwetter in today's paper.

a pleasant surprise.

Didn't we say three -thirds?

Hey,

Sid, come on down.

So, how's the paper coming along?

Well, my folks really liked the first draft, but I think it could be better. I

guess I'm sort of a perfectionist when it comes to schoolwork.

Ow!

Oh, hey, Sidney.

Look who's in the neighborhood. Just decided to stop on by.

Hi, Sid.

Knee.

Senior moment. I just remember I got to put up some posters for the campaign.

You think you two crazy kids will be okay till I get back?

So... Your father said you're looking for a boyfriend.

And I, for one, would like to see a four -way stop sign at Elm and Oak, or as I

like to call it, Fender Bender Boulevard.

Both candidates for your thoughtful remarks.

And now that we have a few minutes left, let's go to the floor for questions.

Mr. Hannigan, can you explain how you were able to receive a student deferment

during Vietnam?

I was 12.

Hmm. How convenient.

Draft dodger.

You, Mrs. Shanowski, how many adorable children do you have in our public

system? Uh, three.

And you, Comrade Hannigan, how many children do you have?

None. I see.

Impotent!

I have nothing further.

Well, I have a question for Mrs. Shanowski.

Are you a movie fan?

Sure, I love movies.

Have you ever seen a little one called... Weapons of mass production?

And that's time. Meeting's over. Thank you all for coming. Bang that thingy,

would you?

Why did you get that videotape? It wasn't easy. But if your sister doesn't

out of the race, I guarantee it'll be the hottest rental in Glen Falls.

Oh, yeah?

Well, what do you have to say about that?

That's just the box.

I first got to Hollywood and I took that cable movie because I thought it would

give me great exposure.

Well, I sort of wound up with more exposure than I bargained for.

How much exposure?

Well, that depends.

Are we talking the American?

Or a European version?

This movie isn't so racy.

Wait. It's not over yet.

Come on, Jenkins.

Don't you dare die on me, dammit.

Must stop bleeding.

We need a tourniquet.

I know.

I'll take off my shirt.

My rule on nudity was that it had to be integral to the plot.

Oh, I'm hit again.

This one's bleeding even worse.

What can we use to stop it?

I know.

I'll take off my bra.

Oh, dear.

I thought I had the only copy of this movie, at least in this country.

Apparently in Finland it won a... Lukaflavin.

We all do things in life we're not proud of.

Just yesterday, supermarket, I noticed one of the eggs I bought was broken.

So I went back to the dairy section and I swished it with a new egg from another

carton.

Were you naked when you did it?

Yes, Faith.

I do all my grocery shopping at the nude way.

To tell you the truth, I was never even ashamed of this movie until now. I just

don't want Sidney and Hayley and Justin to see it.

Come on.

We're going to the Hannigans.

I'm going to resign from the race. No, I can't let you do that.

Well, you don't have a choice.

Because as much as I want to be neighborhood president, I care about my

more.

Thanks, Hope.

It's just as well.

I didn't want to say anything, but people were really getting turned off by

negative campaign.

Hi, Mr. Chinowski. Hi.

Sidney, Tyler's here.

Hey, look.

Tyler's here.

Again. Hey, I'm just here for some advice.

How do I break up with your dad?

I know they'd hate to miss us.

Let's just go in and have a little poxy.

It's breaking and entering.

Don't be ridiculous.

It's just entering.

We didn't break anything.

Well, now that we are breaking and entering, we might as well rifle through

their drawers and find that tape, and then you won't have to drop out of the

race.

That's stealing.

And anyway, even if you do find it, they could just buy another tape.

By then it'll be too late, the election will be over, you'll have won, and it

won't matter.

Oh. My.

God. You found it?

Patch Adams, why?

their shoes.

They're so ugly.

Those are mine.

Tyler?

Tyler!

You're a really good kisser.

Thanks. I practice on my arm.

Can we forget I just said that?

I'm trying.

What is going on here?

Oh, hi, Dad.

We were just talking.

Hello, sir. Don't you sir me.

Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

Sidney, I'm disappointed in you, but Tyler... Well, I'm just...

through with you, mister.

Hello?

Hope? Why are you whispering?

Where are you?

Oh, God.

Ding dong.

Actually, I was hoping maybe we could go out for a walk, you know, and talk

about community issues on our walk outside.

Come on, don't be ridiculous. I'm not going to bite you.

Unless you want me to.

Cool.

Come on, let me hang your jacket up in the closet. In the closet? No, no,

okay. I'll just ball it up and throw it on the floor.

Listen, what I came by to say is that you have always been good neighbors.

You're interesting people and a fine addition to the community.

You sure know how to talk to a lady.

And I don't want to have these bad feelings hanging

between us.

Believe me, Charlie, there are no bad feelings here.

I mean, because Hope and Harry are running against each other.

We should just forget all about our spouses for right now.

Well, it may not be as easy as you might think.

Is it bright in here? Too bright? Can we close the... Charlie, I love the way

your mind works.

Baby, you seem nervous.

Yes, perhaps you could go into the kitchen and make me a drink and then I

relax.

Be right back.

I was just admiring all the work you've done.

Oh, thank you.

In the house.

Let me tell you, it has been a nightmare.

I mean, first we had to bribe customs just to get the exotic woods into the

country.

And then, of course, we have to do everything on the sly.

Haven't lost your smooth moves, has he?

Don't you ever get tired of it, Annie.

Oh, hey, Harry.

This is not what it looks... You know, the ski instructor in Aspen, I get.

The boat captain in the... Copicus.

Okay.

But the local dentist.

Have some pride, woman.

Hey, I'm an orthodontist.

You know something, Flann? I thought you were the normal one in that house. I

thought it was your wife and her sister that were the whack jobs.

Guess I was wrong, huh, Charlie?

No, I'd say you're pretty much on the money on that one.

Um... Ding -dong!

Well, that was Harry Hannigan, and he's pulling out of the race.

Well, congratulations,

Madam President.

I owe it all to you.

Well... That suburban flood admitting all those code violations made it easy.

Fairfield sisters rock!

Woo!

Dad, you're going to have to learn to trust me.

What are you talking about? Of course I trust you.

I'm 15.

I should be able to have a date.

What do you call this?

You having fun, son?

Yes, sir. Lots of fun, sir.