Original subtitles

All right, guys, this is the classic triangle offense. Justin, you're on the

point. I want you to take it, dump it into Dylan. Dylan, if you haven't got

shot, kick it out to Willie.

Any questions?

Are we going out for pizza after this?

Pizza, sure.

All right, everybody understand the play. Can I get a hot beer?

All right, just try and remember our baskets that way.

Go Wildcats!

Try not to ruin the game for the rest of us by being so, well, obnoxious.

I was only trying to help.

I can't believe you just yelled at me in front of everybody.

But you know in the end, we can laugh about it. Even though we can drive each

other crazy. You know we don't have to worry.

We will live, we will laugh, and we'll love each other anyway.

La, la, la, la, la, la.

So, I should now see a son ready to show disposal who's boss.

Dad, you're an orthodontist, not a plumber. Who needs a plumber, son?

We can fix this ourselves.

We're men, Justin. By God, we're men. Never forget that.

Let's do it up.

Teasing probe.

That's a plaque pick, son. Come on, focus.

Teasing probe.

Awaiting confirmation.

Teasing probe.

Um, not the dental tools.

I'm telling Mom.

Fool on you. She already knows.

Fine. Then I'm having the plumber.

how to fix a garbage disposal.

That's what you said about the garage door.

And the toaster oven.

And my bicycle.

Hey, you liked it when everyone signed your cast.

Pick up, pick up, pick up.

Oh, the machine again.

Hi, you've reached Sue, Steve, and Stevie.

We're not here, so leave a message. Go Wildcats, four in one. Woo -hoo!

Hi, Sue, it's Hope Shanowski.

This is my fifth message.

I know, I'm stalking you.

Anyway,

I... I really, really, really want to apologize for... Cut me off!

What do I have to do? Hide in the bushes and jump her when she comes home?

Is that still recording?

Honey, don't be so hard on yourself.

You're just saying what everybody else was thinking. Besides, I'm sure she's

forgotten all about it.

Basketball game.

The one I yelled at and made cry in front of everyone.

Oh, yeah, that was funny.

Come on, we're going to be late for our facials.

What facials? The ones I scheduled for today. My treat.

Really? You're paying?

Of course not. How would that be a treat for me?

Wait a minute.

Calling all doubting schnauzies and freeloading Fairfield.

Prepare to be dazzled.

Looks like we're all getting facials today.

You know, dollar for dollar, no one gets more gunk out of your pores than the

Ukrainians.

That's one way to sum up a proud nation.

They have a gift.

Where are we going?

To Sue's. She won't return my call, so I'm going over there to apologize.

All you did was... Speak your mind for once, and now you want to go over there

and eat cow?

The expression is eat crow.

Eat crow?

I don't think so. That doesn't make any sense.

Eat crow.

Wait a minute. It's Sue. She's falling out of her driveway.

Let's see if we can catch her.

Great. You pull up behind her. I'll flipper the bird.

Don't you...

Roll your window down.

No, I'm not going to let you humiliate your...

Open dialogue.

I mean, in some ways, I think this accident is the best thing that could

happened to us.

I have a feeling this is the beginning of a really terrific friendship.

Mrs. Shanowski, as Mrs.

Wagner's legal counsel, I'm going to have to ask that you direct all your

comments to me.

Of course.

Would you ask Sue if she'd like a ginger scone?

No.

You know, you seem like a top -notch lawyer, Tom, but I'm hoping we can keep

this out of the courtroom.

I mean, after all, I am Sue's son's basketball coach, and I am in the

putting together our starting lineup for the playoffs, and I'd hate to be

distracted by a drawn -out court proceeding.

Are you threatening my client?

I'm just saying.

Some people start.

Some people ride the pine.

Can we just get to the harassment and intimidation? Oh, harassment and

intimidation? Well, after the scene at the gym, Mrs. Shanowski began calling my

client's house repeatedly.

I wouldn't say repeatedly.

Sue, it's Hope Shanowski.

This is my fifth message. I know I'm stalking you.

Now, that was taken out of context.

What do I have to do? Hide in the bushes and jump her when she comes home?

I didn't know the machine was still recording.

You know, if I really wanted a jumper, do you think I'd leave it on the

No. I'd just go over there and jump her.

I'd wait till night.

Maybe even midnight.

Honey. Stop talking.

Look, I'm sure that we can settle this with a reimbursement for damages and

medical expenses and an agreement that Mrs. Shinovke attend anger management

classes. That's ridiculous.

Anger management?

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Heard, too.

Now, moving on to the road rage incident.

It wasn't road rage. It was an accident.

Ha! You're a menace.

Oh, get over yourself.

You're making a big deal out of nothing. It was a little fender bender. I

believe my client's pain and suffering are obvious. Well, her acting certainly

is. Let me ask you this, Counselor. If your client is so gravely injured, then

how is it that she's able to do this?

further questions?

I told you this was a bad idea. They're all crazy.

Let go.

No, wait. This was a misunderstanding. Oh, please, sit down. Oh, it hasn't

Well,

looks like we got ourselves a new starting point guard.

And I used to be very, very angry.

So you know what I did?

You took this course?

No, I drove my truck into a post office.

Then I did two years in a state pen.

And then I took this class.

Five times.

So let's get on with it, shall we? We've got a couple fresh faces here.

Hope Shanowski and Faith Fairfield.

All right.

Let's get this out of the way.

Yes, you're not crazy.

Ashley Storm, the sacred and the sinful. Ten years, three nominations, one

golden statuette.

But tonight, I'm just a social misfit, like all of you.

It's always nice to work with a celebrity. I worked with Hervé

TV's tattoo.

But don't spread that around. I signed a confidentiality agreement.

Major mommy issues.

And you must be Hope.

Yes, and I'm sure this is a great class, but I really shouldn't be here. I mean,

this was all a big misunderstanding.

Oh, I see.

Tell me, is there anyone else here that felt they didn't need anger management

but were forced to be here because of a big misunderstanding?

feel blue every now and again, or get ticked when I step into a mud puddle,

But then I just look at a flower or a tree, and presto, my good mood's back.

How about you, Faith? Do you feel like you belong here?

Well, I suppose I did almost put that woman's eye out with a croissant.

But that was all part of a very complex legal strategy that I'm not at liberty

to discuss at this time.

I assume you're referring to Sue Wagner.

Why don't you tell us what happened with her?

Love to.

Now, which part?

When Hope made her cry, when Hope smashed into her car, or when Hope threw

scalding hot coffee on her?

So, we still having fun, buddy?

This was never fun.

Can't we quit?

Quit?

I'm sorry.

I'm not familiar with that word.

Oh, boy.

Here we go.

Did I ever tell you the story about the little guy with the crooked smile who

dreamed of becoming an orthodontist?

Many, many times.

Dad, you've got to come quick.

Sidney's locked herself in her room.

Doesn't she do that every day?

This is different.

She's all freaked out about some guy and she said she needs to talk to you.

Right now.

Go, Dad.

Sidney needs you.

Somebody call a plumber?

Oh, thank God.

Go away.

Honey, why don't you let me in? We'll talk about what's bothering you.

No, you wouldn't understand.

It's just so hard sometimes being a teenager.

You know, with all the peer pressure and clicks and homework.

Okay, everybody, once again, what do we do with our rage?

We put it in a cage.

And what happens when we bottle?

We go full throttle.

But when we responsibly release?

We're able to keep the peace. And?

Nobody calls the police.

Give yourselves a hand.

That man is a genius.

Please, this is ridiculous.

Okay, who's next for role play?

We'll go. What?

Okay. Why don't we start with the gym incident?

Only Hope, you're going to play Sue. And Faith, you're going to play Hope.

Hope. Okay.

I'll need a moment.

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma.

Meow. Meow.

Meow.

A suburban elementary school gym. Day.

Ready.

Would you like to see the cookies I stayed up all night baking for the team?

Okay, I didn't say that. I wasn't even snack master that week.

Let's try to stay in the scene, Sue.

Come on, guys.

Let's win.

Because that's all that matters.

Since I'm Sue.

Boy, I couldn't disagree more, and I sure feel like throwing you off these

bleachers, but I'm not gonna, so I'll just sit here and dead quietly and

I'm not a ticking time bomb.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

I mean it.

Cut it out.

Stop it.

Boom.

Okay, this is what I'm dealing with. This is why I'm here.

The only reason I ever said anything at the gym was so she wouldn't.

You're the one who wanted to flip Sue the bird, and you're the one who threw a

pastry at her. I don't have an anger management problem. I have a faith

management problem.

You know, I think I'm starting to get a clearer picture of what's going on here.

Hope, you're a... classic enabler. Thank you!

That's like a pushy know -it -all, right?

And you, Faith, you're a textbook narcissist.

And you're a textbook sweet -talker.

Faith, narcissist means pathologically self -absent. Ooh, someone's angling for

a good night kiss.

I'm just saying you two are locked in a very dysfunctional relationship.

Have you considered long -term professional health?

We do need a maid, but Miss Pennypincher here says we can't afford one.

Wow, it's like talking to a six -year -old.

That is enough, mister.

For your information, this woman has been through heck and back these last

months. She was a huge star, but now she can't get arrested in Hollywood.

She has no skills. She doesn't have a dime to her name.

And she's living in my daughter's bedroom.

She's hit rock bottom.

Well...

Not until this very moment.

And how's she supposed to grow up if you keep letting her walk all over you?

You're like a doormat.

Hey, hey.

My sister may be a doormat, but she's my doormat.

And if you think it's easy living out in the boonies with Dr. Dull with nothing

to do but drive kids to school every day and try to rush home before the next

wrinkle appears and your last dream dies, then you don't know the first

about Hope's life.

It's actually a little better than that.

Maybe Hope has problems confronting people outside of the family. And maybe

bubbly personality is a little too much to handle from time to time. But you put

us together and you got one almost normal person.

Who doesn't need your stupid class.

Actually, Faith, we do.

It's part of the settlement agreement.

So we don't get sued.

Huh. I'd rather see you lose your house than listen to any more of this mumbo

-jumbo.

Come on, Hope. We're out of here. No. You sit down. No. No.

I'm so sorry.

with a bunch of fraternity brothers, and your mom showed up, and I was afraid if

they saw how much I liked her, I'd never hear the end of it, so I just ignored

her. Oh, my God. What did she do?

She started dating the Sigma Chi jerk.

So how did you get her back?

I was persistent.

I stopped worrying about being cool. I was that, and I realized the mullet

wasn't working for me.

Did you know right away that Mom was the one?

Of course I did. She was beautiful, confident, full of life.

Just like you.

Hi, Dad.

They say we're in for a long winter.

Hear that, Cindy?

Plumber's done.

How did you know?

My teenage daughter wanted to talk to me about boys.

That's a red flag.

How often do you and I get to just sit and talk?

Besides, I didn't have a clue how to fix that disposal.

I knew that guy was a quack the second we stepped foot in his classroom.

Talk about a ticking time bomb.

So do you really think that you have a faith management problem?

Well, it's more like a lifelong condition.

But I'm not looking for a cure.

Because when we're not at each other's throats, I actually think we make a

pretty good team. I bet.

Little hug?

Why not?

Wow.

Brad drives a nice...