Original subtitles

Oh, hurry. Dad just called from the airport. He's going to be here any

We have to get his gifts out.

Where do you want the Peloponnesian porno, God?

Dad certainly has an eye for the bizarre, especially in girlfriends.

They get younger and dumber every year.

This one's name is Summer, and she teaches Pilates.

She couldn't be any worse than Tiffany.

Remember her swollen collagen lips?

Remember? I had to puree the turkey so she could suck it through a straw.

the soap anymore.

I'm tired of making up excuses as to why you're popping in again for the

weekend. And I'm not letting the kids lie for you. I would never ask them to

that.

Aunt Faith, you're here.

We need to get in. How was your fight?

Was that okay?

Good. Try to be a little more starstruck and surprised.

Faith. Okay, fine. I'll tell him.

But you don't understand. He's going to be devastated. You have no idea how hard

it is being the one he's proud of.

How come you get exotic gifts from your dad's world travels and I get a novelty

sweater?

Come on, let's hear it.

Hey,

Lee, Justin, your grandpa's here.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Here's my little sunshine.

Hey, Jack.

A handshake?

Not on my watch.

Give me a hug.

You're wearing the sweater. I saw it in a boutique in Carmel, and it just

screamed Charlie.

Yeah,

that never gets old.

Where's Faith?

I'm right behind you.

I'd forgotten how long that flight from L .A. was.

Airport traffic. What a nightmare.

Hey, you're here. I am so surprised and totally starstruck.

There's my little TV star. Hi, Daddy.

Faith.

Hope. How long has it been?

So, Dad, where's your new girlfriend?

Summer's in the car touching up her makeup.

Oh, her mom lets her wear makeup?

but after I turned 40, she caved on the mascara.

couple is screaming and banging on the car window.

It turns out we were in their car.

Nice couple, though. We're going on a cruise with them this spring.

Where do you keep the aspirin? I'm getting a little headache. Oh, up in the

guest bathroom. I'll get it for you. No, don't be silly. I'll be right back.

Well? Dad, I really like her. She's smart. She's funny. She's age

She seems perfect.

Girls, this one.

is special.

So, I appreciate your support.

We just want you to be happy, Dad.

So, Faith, we've been traveling so much, I've fallen behind on the show.

What's going on?

Actually, Dad, do you remember Angela?

Your evil twin.

What's that little devil doing now?

Well, she shot me.

And then sort of killed herself.

Are you in a coma?

No. More like dead.

Well, I don't understand. If both of your characters are dead, how can you

be working on the show?

Well, I'm a ghost.

Oh.

I haunt the whole town of Cedar Valley. It's a huge storyline, lots of special

effects. Who wants a whiskey sour?

Hey, there's my favorite son -in -law.

Help me get the gifts out of the car.

More gifts?

You really have to stop doing this.

You may be singing a different tune when you find out what I got you.

You like massage?

Massage? Like a spa massage?

Even better, right in your own house.

Wow, someone's coming to the house? That is so great.

Well, not just someone.

What do you mean? Why are you doing that?

I've been studying the art of shiatsu at the Miami Buddhist Center, and you, my

friend, are customer numero uno.

Did you hear that, Hope?

I'm customer numero uno.

Come on, help me get my table and my oils.

Did you hear that, Hope?

He brought his table.

And his oils.

Hope, I just love those gonzas in your bathroom.

Are they antique?

They are.

Thank you.

So how's your headache?

Oh, fine. I seem to get them every time I fly.

Well, ever since I was abducted.

Oh, my God. You were kidnapped?

Not kidnapped.

Abducted by aliens a few years ago.

Luckily, it was only the one time. Some people are going up and down ten times a

year.

Those are beautiful dishes. Let me set the table.

Your father wants to give me a massage.

Have you ever heard anything crazier in your whole life?

This is crazy.

We can't let Dad date a woman who thinks she was abducted by aliens.

Maybe she meant illegal aliens.

We have to say something.

But we said we'd be supportive. He's going to think we're nitpicking for

She talks to little green people. I think that's a pretty big flaw.

Now, let's be fair. She never said she talked to them.

So you think when she was abducted, they just sat there in awkward silence?

I know.

That's the only part that doesn't make sense.

Maybe we can't say something to her, but maybe we can get her to say something

in front of him.

Come on.

The shiatsu master uses his fingers and his elbows.

And sometimes even its feet to unblock and stimulate the energy flow.

I have been told that I have the toes of a 24 -year -old Asian girl.

How about I just take your word for it?

So, Summer, how's your headache?

Oh, fine, thanks. Better.

Didn't you say that it might have something to do with, um, flying?

Yes, but more specifically.

On an airplane.

Aha!

Wait, did you say airplane?

Speaking of flying, Summer, what's the most exotic place you've ever traveled

to? Oh, well, that's easy.

Morocco. Aha!

And I'm guessing it was full of Moroccans.

Have you girls been smoking some of that wacky tobaccy?

No. No. No.

Not the toes, Jack.

Wake up. What?

What? I can't sleep.

Is it the alien thing?

No, we're out of skim milk.

Of course it's the alien thing.

Dad's gotten himself involved with a crazy person. When he finds out, it's

going to break his heart.

Honey, your dad has dated a lot of wacky women. They never last long.

Have a nice Thanksgiving and not get everyone all wound up over nothing, huh?

Maybe you're right.

Yeah.

I'm going to go make some tea. Okay. Maybe it'll help me calm down.

Might be a delicacy.

Look, there are no such things as aliens, okay?

We're all perfectly safe.

What's all the ruckus?

Oh, my God.

I just remembered my dream.

Okay, kids, time for bed.

Night. Night, Grandpa.

I'm glad I had a moment alone with you, too.

Dad, we want to talk about Summer. Me too.

Isn't she out of this world?

She certainly is.

Well, I'm glad you think so.

Because if it's all right with you girls, tomorrow, after dinner, I'm going

ask Summer to marry me.

Where's Dad?

He went with Charlie to find gourds for the centerpiece.

What about E .T.? She's upstairs, sleeping.

Unless they haven't returned her from the mothership yet.

You know, it was one thing when they were dating, but we can't let them get

married. I knew she was too good to be true.

We're just going to have to confront her and tell her to stop being dad.

How are we going to say that?

Write it in a crop circle?

No, we'll just put it into a language she'll understand.

Mere, mere, you leave our father alone.

Mere, mere, mere.

Don't bother.

I understand perfectly.

Wow. I totally thought I was making that language up.

Grocery was a zoo. We spent 45 minutes in the checkout line.

I think someone's carrying a lot of holiday stress on their shoulders, but

for long.

Could you... Set the table?

You got it. Busy, busy, busy.

I think I'll go rouse my bride -to -be. Dad, wait.

Um, there's something I want to talk to you about.

I don't know quite how to put this, but Summer said she was abducted by aliens.

Just the once.

You know about that?

Of course I do.

You get abducted by aliens, it's going to come up in conversation.

You don't find that a little strange?

Sure it's strange. But when you get to be my age, everyone seems a little

strange. Well, Mom wasn't strange.

Oh, no?

I seem to remember she had a few quirks here and there. You remember how she

used to talk to the plants all the time? Yeah, and half of them were plastic.

Remember how she was convinced that the cat hated Mike Wallace?

Oh, it's true. Quick, turn off 60 Minutes before Pickle shreds the sofa.

And what completely normal woman would wear pantyhose underneath her pants all

summer?

Lots of people.

Look, your mother was one of a kind.

I will never love any other woman the way I love Mary Jo Johnson.

And there's nothing I wouldn't give to spend one more day with her.

But I can't bring her back.

And summer makes me happy.

So it would mean a lot to me if you two could make her feel welcome into our

family.

Worked on all?

Of course we will, Dad.

Besides,

if the aliens do take over, we've got someone who can keep us all out of the

sugar mines.

Dad, where are you going?

To wake Summer.

Oh, let us do it. Yeah, you always get to wake her.

Spread the wealth.

She's not here.

weren't very nice to her.

Charlie, you ever had a colonic?

Makes you feel like a million dollars.

You're not taking a course in it, are you?

Where's Summer?

Uh, she had another one of her headaches, so she's going to lie down.

I better go check on her. No.

She said she wanted to be left alone for several hours, depending on traffic.

Hey, I know what you can do to pass the time. You can give Charlie that back rub

you've been promising.

Hey, terrific.

I'll set up the table. Charlie, you get undressed.

What did I ever do to you?

Summer left. I can't explain. Just keep Dad occupied.

What's your passy, Chaz?

Trickling stream or thunder at dawn?

It's the final boarding call for flight 431 to West Palm Beach.

Um, excuse me. We have to talk to someone on that flight. It's very

So if we could just jump in there for a quick sec. No one gets on the plane

without a ticket.

All right, fine.

How much are two tickets?

It's Thanksgiving.

Great. Now what are we going to do?

No.

I can't believe I let you talk me into this. Do you know how much trouble we

could get into?

We'll be on and off in two minutes. Would you rather break Dad's heart?

Fine. Let's just find somewhere and get out of here.

Oh, great.

We thought we'd be shorthanded.

It's nice to have a little extra help around the holidays.

I'm Michelle.

I'm... Rose.

I'm... Chaniqua.

Now, remember, when we're through here...

Plenty of fluid.

Way ahead of you.

Why don't you drop the robe and hop on up?

You know, maybe I'll keep the robe on.

It's kind of chilly in here. That's why I heated the oil.

the client with the oil.

And you, my friend, are definitely Mystic Peppermint.

I'll set up a beverage cart. Why don't you and Shanique do the pre -flight?

who hurt the feelings of a lovely woman who their dad wants to marry.

Hey, I thought we were seeing Finding Nemo.

I want my four bucks back.

You sit down before I stick you with a kosher meal.

Jack wants to marry me? He's going to propose tonight.

And we couldn't be happier. Please come home with us.

Attendants, prepare for takeoff. Ladies and gentlemen, we've closed the cabin

doors. Everyone, please take your seats.

Oh, my God. What are we going to do?

We're getting off this plane. I'm getting engaged.

Open that door or I'll open it for you.

Wow. Check out Wonder Woman.

This has been a great visit. I got to see my girls, my...

And I got a new fiancé.

It was great to see you too, Dad.

And remember, I want the two of you to be bridesmaids at the wedding.

That is, if Faith can get time off from the soap.

Faith, would that be a problem for you?

To get time off from the soap?

I have something to tell you.

I'm not on the sacred and the sinful anymore.

She's on the bold and the beautiful.

But it's a much bigger part.

And twice the salary.

Terrific.

We'll tell them at Christmas.

Well, we've got to go. Bye, girls.

Bye. Have a safe trip.

We will.

Oh, and I feel terrible about Charlie.

Peppermint is such a rare allergy.

Hey, buddy.

Next time, luscious lavender.

Bye. Bye.

Did you hear that, Hope?

Next time, luscious lavender.