Original subtitles

Buying toilet paper.

For the planet?

You save time and money when you buy in bulk.

Celebrities don't buy in bulk.

Here, a four -pack is plenty.

It says we do go to the bathroom, but we have other interests.

Oh, my God.

It's Randy Richter over there.

See, Randy Richter? The guy that dumped you in high school? The guy that you

used to call the best kisser ever.

Don't look. He's coming this way. Just face this way and don't move.

Okay.

Randy Richter, hi!

Faith Fairfield, I can't believe it. I know.

Don't I look great?

Yeah. You remember my sister, Hope?

Hope!

Hi, Randy.

I didn't know you still lived here.

Well, my son and I just moved back from Texas.

I'm recently divorced.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You didn't know my ex.

How old is your little boy?

He's four.

So is Hope.

Justin's eight.

Oh.

Well, he's very immature.

Yeah, I have a great idea. I mean, you just moved back to town. Your little boy

probably doesn't have any friends. We should get him together with Justin.

Uh, yeah.

We should do that sometime.

Well, gosh, maybe, uh... Well, gosh, nothing.

How about today, four o 'clock? We're at 22 Cherry Lane, and we won't take no

for an answer, will we hope?

I don't see how we could.

Well, okay.

Thanks. We'll see you later.

Bye. Randy Richter.

Why would you invite Randy Richter over to my house? For closure.

Closure? It's been 18 years now. I'm pretty sure I'm over it.

No, you're not. He dumped you hard.

Although, if you want my opinion, it was only because you wouldn't put out

Pruden.

Look, think about it. He'll come over, and you can pretend like your life is

great, and that you're really happy.

My life is great, and I am. really happy that's great if you say it just like

that he'll totally believe you come on i want randy richter to curse the day he

cast aside such a beautiful vibrant young woman now let's get you some

cream you know we don't have to talk about it we got a

different way but you know

We don't know we can drive each other crazy.

You know we don't have to worry.

We will live, we will laugh, and we'll love each other anyway.

La, la, la, la, la, la.

What are you doing?

What does it look like? I'm hanging a picture.

That's my big brain trophy.

I won it last year at the science triathlon.

Okay, there are so many problems with what you just said, I don't even know

where to start.

just a little?

Maybe a little. Oh, you look fantastic.

Oh, I do, don't I? Who's regretting July 2nd, 1986 now?

For hope, the love of my life, from your adoring husband, Charlie.

Oh, my God.

Charlie sent me flowers?

Don't be ridiculous.

I sent them. Come back in two minutes, and this time, give it a little pizzah.

Why do I have to meet this kid anyway?

Because he's new in town, and he doesn't have any friends.

He's four.

I don't want to play with a stupid four -year -old.

Try to be positive, please.

Welcome to a little place called Hope.

Hi, Randy.

Hi, this is my son, Max.

Hi. And this is Justin.

I'm Eve.

I'm this many.

You owe me.

Wow, Hope, you look great.

Oh, this is just what she piddles around the house in.

Piddle, piddle.

I wonder who that could be.

Flowers for Hope.

From your adoring husband, Charlie.

That is so sweet.

Did you hear that, Randy?

It's kind of hard to miss when they've got a lot of pizzazz.

What are we getting newspaper for? We're going to paper mache the whole. Just

relax.

Sweetie, don't be silly. I wear dresses all the time.

When you're not around.

But now you caught me. Good for you.

What's with the flowers? Did somebody die?

Was it Grandpa?

Grandpa died?

No, no.

No one died.

We're just having a little play date here at the house.

You know, nothing unusual at all.

Max needs his binky.

Can you believe this heat wave?

Look at these babies.

Pass on the funk train.

Hey, how you doing?

Charlie is a world -renowned tooth surgeon.

Well, actually, I'm an orthodontist, but I was the first one in Glen Falls to

use colored braces. Al Steinberg said it couldn't be done.

Randy and his son are here for a play date.

A play date or a prom date?

Charlie, kitchen.

Now.

Hey, nice flowers. From you?

No, I think those are from you.

Why out there?

His name is Randy Richter, Dr. Armpit.

Faith and I bumped into him at the supermarket.

And he's here because?

Back in high school, we kind of sort of used to date.

And he kind of sort of dumped me. And I'm not flying into a jealous rage

because?

Look, it was all Faith's idea. The clothes, the flowers.

I was supposed to get closure by rubbing my great life in his face.

By the way, if it comes up.

You have a yacht called Hope Floats.

So this guy really dumped you?

What an idiot.

It was high school.

But you know Faith. She gets an idea in her head. Well, you can always tell her

no. You know, I might be going out on a limb here, but I think it's safe to say

you don't want to date that guy.

Pretty safe.

By the way, you look hot.

This house.

Ahem. If you're going to make out, you could at least have the decency to do it

in front of the company.

Faith, the charade's over, okay? I do not need to show off to some guy I dated

18 years ago. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love my life.

I couldn't care less about Randy Richter, okay? End of story.

I have to go get rid of him. I'll do it.

Hey, Randy.

I'm sorry. I forgot to tell Hope that we have dinner planned tonight.

Maybe we could reschedule our play date. No problem. We'll do it some other

time. Anyway, I promised my little tiger here I'd take him to mini golf.

Oh, I love mini golf.

Why don't you join us?

Oh, that'd be great.

Great. Good to see you again, Hope. Nice to meet you, Charlie.

To the length.

Hey.

You're going out with him?

Just like that?

Oh, my God, you're totally right. Thanks.

311 to be exact.

That's a lot of eggs. Are we having guests for breakfast?

Oh, I don't know. Are you planning on inviting your new boyfriend, Randy

Richter?

No, I wasn't. Should I?

Sure, why not?

I'm more of the merrier.

Hey, I'll take my eggs poached. And remember, I like them runny.

with me and Randy?

Well, yeah.

I guess I do.

But I thought you said you couldn't care less about him.

Well, I couldn't, but... Not another word.

You're my sister, and if it bothers you, it bothers me.

Faith, that's really selfless of you.

Well, as they say, there is no I in sister.

Hi, Randy.

This is Faith.

Listen, as sensual and as... Pleasurable as our evening was, I'm afraid we can

no longer see each other.

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. Is your daddy there?

Randy, listen, I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

Yeah, you and I can no longer... You did not.

Me too.

But be that as it may, I'm afraid that we can no longer... You do?

You would?

Well, how exactly would you?

Oh, God.

Yes. Eight o 'clock tonight?

At Saddles and Stirrups? I'll be there.

Yeah, see you tonight.

Well, I think I laid the groundwork.

You're seeing him tonight?

Where I'm going to break it off.

In person. I promise.

At a country western bar?

Listen, nothing heals the pain of a breakup like a deep -fried onion loaf.

paper mache, and they'll never notice.

J -Lo and Ben to wet again.

I think they'll notice.

Ah, but I haven't added the finishing touch.

I feel funny about this.

Maybe we should tell Mom and Dad.

Did I tell them when I broke Mom's antique mirror or scratched Dad's car or

that stupid microscope?

Hey, that was my microscope, and you said that Billy Facetti stole it.

Did I?

He got sent to military school for that.

Oh, which reminds me, if Mom and Dad do find out about this, Justin's taking the

rap. But Justin's totally innocent.

Although he would receive the least punishment.

Welcome to the dark side.

Faith and Randy so we can go home. What are you talking about? Oh, come on.

We've been married a long time. This is the first time you have ever said, hey,

it's 8 o 'clock. Let's go line dancing.

All right.

Faith is breaking it off with Randy, and we're just dropping by to give her

moral support.

You know her.

She takes these things hard.

She looks devastated.

Maybe they decided to be friends.

Well, if that's the breakup, I'd hate to see the divorce.

All right.

You have ten minutes to do whatever it is you need to do, and then this cowboy

is heading back to the Ponderosa.

All right.

Deal?

Deal. Let's dance.

It's been a while since we went dancing.

Remember how we used to go to the Maple Club? Yeah, yeah. This way.

Hope! Faith!

Charlie? Randy?

Look, Charlie, it's Faith and Randy together on a date. How cute. What are

doing here?

Charlie and I agreed on what we were going to do tonight. Like, mature

Because he respects my feelings. And when he makes a promise, he keeps it.

It's more romantic than it sounds.

Are you sure you didn't make him do what you wanted because you're being

unreasonable and jealous and don't want him to be happy?

Sounds kind of familiar.

twirl after them.

Eight minutes.

You again.

Mind if I cut in?

Sure.

Beer? Beer's good.

I thought you were going to break it off with Randy.

Well, I tried. I really did, but he was so cute and charming. I just, I couldn't

go through with it.

Look, Holmes, what's this really all about?

Do you still have a thing for him?

Of course not.

Then do you want to go out with him? No!

I'm heavily married.

Then there's no reason I can't go out with him except for your petty jealousy.

It's insane and two and three and do -si -do. Well, it may be insane, but it's

the way I feel. And one and two and shoot the moon.

Well, that's not good enough because I really like him. And you only dated him

for a couple of months back in high school.

It was three months.

And it wasn't high school. It was...

It's not like he was the love of your life. You never even slept with him to

left sachet and two and three.

I said, you never even slept with him to the right sachet and two and three.

You didn't, did you?

said was, oh, hope the holy, saying hope, hope loves hope. They made me feel

like such a tramp.

Well, them and the whole hockey team. See?

There you go, making me out to be the slutty one. For your information, it was

not the whole hockey team, just the starters.

The point is, you slept with Randy Richter and then acted all morally

I did not.

Then why didn't you tell me?

I slept with him once, okay?

And two days later, he dumped me.

It was humiliating.

And I never told anyone because, well, I was ashamed.

But I'm your sister, Hope.

Don't you know you never have to be ashamed around me?

But you're my little sister.

And you always looked up to me.

Okay, Faith, your turn to ride the mechanical bull.

I'm not in the mood. Why don't you go?

Okay. Charlie, actually, I got a little motto.

If there's a mechanical bull, I'm not getting on it.

All right.

Suit yourself.

Let's get out of here. Yee -haw!

I'll get the car.

Hey, how much to throw that guy off the bull?

Twenty bucks.

Here's forty.

Make them fly.

Maybe there's something to this closure thing after all.

Four times six.

24.

Four times nine.

36.

Four times four.

Yeah, just a sprain.

I'm sorry about that.

That's okay. I deserved it.

Mind if I come in?

Sure.

You know, I had a lot of time to think last night in the emergency room.

Back when we knew each other, I know I wasn't the nicest guy in the world, and

know I hurt some people.

And I'm really sorry you were one of them.

I just... I hope you can accept my apology.

Thanks, Randy.

That means a lot to me.

I think it's time I faced my path and owned up to my mistakes.

That sounds very admirable.

Good for you.

Hope Fairfield, check.

See, you don't have an address for Cindy Johnson, Becky White, or the Perry

Twins, do you?

Becky White passed away.

God rest her soul.

Becky White.

Check.

Hey, how about pizza tonight?

Sure. Great.

Hey, Brittany's back. I thought you guys were all about Avril these days.

Well, you make out with Madonna, you get back on the wall.

No more TV for a year.

I always liked this poster.

And you're grounded.

It's just a poster. You've seen it. Let's go get pizza. When I was growing

had a poster of Farrah Fawcett on my wall. Man, she was... Okay,

we have

to be honest with you. Jesse!