Original subtitles

You know we don't have to talk about it We got a different way But you know in

the end we can laugh about it You know we can drive each other crazy You know

don't have to worry We will live, we will laugh And we'll love each other

bucks we ever spent.

Yeah, because we'd hate to have a jacuzzi.

Quit it. Quit it. Hello.

Mom. No, no break in. Just breakfast.

Yeah, I'll tell her it's not a toy.

You know what happens to little girls who cry wolf?

Why don't you show me? I could take a long lunch today. So could I.

Gross.

Why aren't you dressed for school?

I'm not going to school. I don't have anything to wear.

Nothing a boy hasn't felt you up in.

Why can't Jimmy sleep in his room when Aunt Faith comes to visit?

As if. Your aunt is going through a very hard time.

Just because you got killed off that stupid soap?

What's this?

Tofu scramble.

No, seriously.

No more fat and sugar in the morning. We're eating healthy.

Oh, by the way, Faith borrowed your car.

I hope you don't mind.

We appreciate the thought, but we're trying to eat healthy.

Oh, I see.

I understand.

You don't want me to eat healthy.

to stop watching this i gave the sacred and the sinful the best years of my life

and how do they repay me with a cheap evil twin murder suicide

How is a woman over 30 can't get arrested in Hollywood?

And yet you managed.

Twice.

I don't know what I'm going to do. For the first time in my life, I feel so

useless. I have no script, no role. I don't know who to be.

Why don't you just be yourself?

What do you mean?

Just what makes that little old aunt think he can move a...

Rubber tree plant?

that to school.

See? I think she looks darling.

Darling?

She's 15. How's she supposed to look, huh?

Duh.

Come on, Sydney. I got a juicy suit that ought to fit you. Cool. Oh, no.

Mom, you don't even know what a juicy suit is. I don't have to.

You're not wearing anything squeezable.

You're such a prude.

I am not a prude. You're right. She used to shower in her bathing suit in the

girls' gym.

Two pieces.

I'm glad to see your moods have improved.

I expect you to be downstairs in five minutes, dressed for school.

And she wears her bra to bed. Shut up!

I need...

May I help you? Yeah.

I'm looking for something sexy, but not too, you know, whorish.

So this is for your husband?

Yeah. We're having a date this afternoon.

Which probably sounds strange, that we have to make a date. But we have three

kids, and my sister's staying with us, so it's been kind of hard to find the

time.

Not that we haven't found the time, because we do.

Do.

Yes. How about this?

As I said, I've had three kids.

Perhaps something that provides a little more coverage? Yeah, like a burka.

Sydney's not with me. She should be in school.

Okay, I'll be right there.

Shall I ring this up?

No! I can't wear that.

I'm a mother.

Did you find Sydney?

Apparently, Sydney left campus with her aunt to go shopping, and they lost track

of time.

It was only lunch. And English.

Like she's ever going to use that in real life.

The point is, students aren't allowed to leave campus.

without parental consent.

Well, I didn't know that.

But Sidney does.

This is a serious offense, young lady. I could suspend you from school.

But I think in your case, I'll suspend you from the homecoming dance.

The homecoming dance?

I think that's a fair punishment.

Fair? It's inhumane. They might as well cane her.

Excuse me. We are so sorry to interrupt.

Aren't you Ashley Storm from The Sacred and the Sinful?

Why, yes.

We were devastated when they killed you off.

Wait a minute.

I had no idea. You were a TV star.

She won a daytime Emmy. I should have won, too.

I play twins.

Tell me, were you a good girl or a bad girl?

That depends.

Which would you prefer?

Getting back to Sydney.

Yes, I mean...

Expension really necessary, Mr. Tisdale. I mean, what if Sidney organized a

fundraiser for the dance? No, no, that's a great idea. I mean, tomorrow's career

day. What if you threw a bake sale in the quad?

Yes.

We could bake things.

And sell them for money.

Can we make a cake with Justin Timberlake's face on it? Totally. And

headshots and sign autographs.

sound like much of a punishment. I think Mr. Tisdale's initial instincts were

correct.

Sidney, you knowingly broke the rules.

I'm sorry.

You're never on my side.

I wish Aunt Faith was my mother.

She didn't mean that.

Everyone knows I'm not old enough to be her mother.

Champagne, flowers, angry wife.

She's driving me crazy.

Who?

be a punishment for Sydney. It's going to be me doing all the baking because

she's 15 and the last thing you did in the kitchen was your personal trainer.

Oh, please.

I'm not an idiot. And just to prove to you that I'm not incontinent, Sydney and

I will bake our own Justin Timberlake cake without any help from you. Fine.

Just a little tip. The oven is the one that heats things up and the

keeps them cold. That's it. I'm not speaking to you.

Hi, honey.

I'm home.

Right.

Come on.

You want to talk about it? No, let's just do it.

Wow. Just like the movies.

Bacon. What kind of punishment is that?

Baking cookies is fun.

It's a special...

She practically gave him a lap dance.

Try to keep in mind, this is my lunch hour.

I'm sorry, but she had no right to use her celebrity to usurp my authority as

Cindy's mother.

Well, then ask her to go home.

I beg you.

She has no home, no career, no money.

No money?

My arm.

this right now let's get it on what kind of idiot works on a soap opera for 10

years and doesn't save any money don't call my sister an idiot why not you do

all the time that's different she's family yeah well this is my family and

is my house your house

well you know what i mean

letting your sister ruin all our lives. She's not ruining our lives. Oh, that's

right. This is the best sex we ever had.

Well, glad to hear it.

It's the only sex you're getting today.

Oh, and since this is your house, you can do the laundry and all the cooking.

Scrub the toilets.

I would.

I can't feel my arm.

cajun style what's this deep dish triple cheese pepperoni pizza we are

not having pizza for dinner pizza good call hey what happened to the curtains

i got rid of them and you're welcome i made those curtains

oh good then they weren't worth anything i don't want pizza can i have a

sandwich sure sweetie i can do it that's okay i know how to make I'm sure you

do, but I'm his mother. So what? I'm his aunt.

Let me put it to you this way. This is my house, and I'm making the sandwich.

Oh, I see.

This is all about control.

What? You're a control freak. You always have been.

I am not a control freak.

Then let me make the sandwich.

No! Yes! No!

We got chocolate on the pizza.

Well, she started it.

With her Miss Superiority complex.

sock drawer.

Do some baking.

As soon as I blow this batter out of my nose.

The thing is, some of the really popular girls in my class

go to these college frat parties.

I've never gone, but there's this really cute guy, Steve, who likes me and he

keeps asking me to come over.

He says he just wants to make out, but I don't know.

Let me tell you something.

Back when I was in high school, there was this really cute frat boy who said

liked me, so I got together with him one night, and we... made out.

And then he never called me again.

Really? Yeah.

Not only that, but he told all of his frat buddies that I... made out with

And then I got back to some of the boys in my high school, and they used to make

fun of me behind my back.

That's so lame.

Tell me about it.

The point is, don't be in such a rush to grow up.

Date guys your own age.

Make them hold your hand and take you to the mall and spend every penny of

their allowance on you.

You're so cool.

You know who else is cool?

Your mom.

She is.

You know what she did to that frat boy?

She foamed the entire inside of his car with a fire extinguisher.

She did?

Yep. Go, Mom.

And by the way, we had a word for those so -called popular girls in my day.

Sluts.

Weren't you popular?

I know.

Let's paint your toenails.

Did I win?

I can't do anything. I'm just a big, fat loser.

You're not a loser.

So you think I'm fat?

No.

And you do a lot of things really well.

You're a wonderful actress, a great shopper, and a really good

person. I do sponsor a poor child in Madagascar.

What's his name?

Kevin?

You two better hurry. Everything's in the back of the car. 300 cookies, 100

brownies, five pies, and a cake with a face of... Ashton Kutcher?

That's not Justin Timberlake.

I love Ashton Kutcher. Me too!

Thanks, Aunt Faye.

Oh, um, actually, Sydney, your mom did all the baking.

Actually, we both did it.

I love you, too.

But you're grounded for two weeks. Two weeks? I'm going to let you go to the

dance. Now go. Get in the car. You're going to be late for school.

Thanks.

You're really cool.

So I've heard.

Don't forget to buckle up. Hello?

Just couldn't help yourself.

Well, that's just who I am.

I shop for the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget

you're the man.

Come here.