Original subtitles

Good morning, boys.

Did you slobs brush your teeth?

Dad made you dad.

He was working the night shift and he left me in charge.

Man, does that taste crappy.

Why didn't he tell us?

Because you two would stay out all night with girls and you two would flood the

basement and make an ice rink.

Oh, yeah, that sounds like that's pretty true.

Good morning, boys.

Already covered that, Dad.

So, you're not going to be here at night? Nope.

For the next week, I'm working six to six. I'm counting on you guys to keep an

eye on TJ.

Don't worry about it, Dad. I'm on top of it. Isn't that right, little guy?

You better get upstairs and comb your hair. You don't want to go to school

looking like that.

Here's a week's worth of dinners.

We have to cook our own dinners?

They're microwavable.

You just push a button.

you could push seven buttons and order us pizzas.

No problem. I'll just stop in the middle of putting out a fire and place your

order.

Don't forget the garlic logs.

I don't like your tone, young man.

Shut up.

What's the green stuff?

Meat, love.

What's the brown stuff?

Green beans.

Why does the food always look so bad?

I don't know. We make it with love.

Hey, lunch lady, what's that stuff?

Macaroni and cheese.

More like crap -roni and sneeze.

Get it?

Yeah, you say it every day.

And it's still funny.

Hey, watch what I say to the cashier.

I've got the crapperonian sneeze.

Get it?

Nice talking to you, smiley.

Hey, guys.

Hey.

Why do we always sit together?

Yeah, we really should make some new friends.

That girl just smiled at one of us.

Let's assume it was me.

Why does he always assume that it's him?

How does he know she wasn't smiling at me?

Because you took your napkin in.

Hey, April.

Listen, I was thinking that we should go out sometime.

I'd love to, but my dad's really strict and he only lets me out to babysit.

You want to go make out behind the dumpster?

Okay.

Oh, wait, I have a math test.

May I at least watch you walk away?

Okay.

Maybe she was smiling at him.

Hey.

Too bad you didn't have your napkin.

Did you just sit there and take that?

It's probably an accident.

You've got to fight back.

Then I sink to their level.

Those kids are cool.

I'm not throwing any food.

That's because you're the family woods.

I am not. Someone has to defend Savage Honor.

You're going down!

I'm sorry you had to see me like this.

Honestly, Mr. Thompson, I wasn't throwing any mashed potatoes. I was just

them from my eyes, like so.

And those tater tots, it looked like they were flying out of my hand. That's

actually just the way I eat them.

And do you have an excuse that you'd like to perform?

Oh, no, sir. I threw those hash browns.

I threw them good.

Well, I'm going to throw.

All of your antics and your permanent records.

A lot of memories.

Do you think this is something to be proud of, Mr. Savage?

Sir, if I may... I'm sorry.

Is your name Mr. Savage?

Actually, it is, sir. Sam Savage.

What a wise guy, huh?

Mr. Rothrock, would you start a new file, please? Yeah, for Sam Savage. You

better make it the accordion variety.

Gordian? That's for the top troublemakers.

They're expecting big things from you, Sam Savage.

Listen, I gotta get to the gym. Are we done here, Phil?

Sit down.

You three are going to learn to appreciate the hard work that goes into

the food you threw around like monkeys.

For the rest of the week, you will be working with our kitchen staff.

You're making us lunch ladies?

That's exactly what I'm doing. That's an insane punishment.

No, it's fantastic.

We make a few sandwiches, the lunch ladies go to our classes for us, take

tests. It's not switcheroo day, idiot.

And you will attend all your classes.

I like my idea better.

So, you've got to work as lunch ladies for a week?

You're laughing at how unfair the punishment is, right, Dad?

No, sounds like the punishment fits the crime.

So if we robbed a bank, they should make us tellers?

Yeah.

Or if we stole a car, they should make us open a chain of successful car

dealerships all up and down the East Coast?

Thank you, Dad.

I'm with Principal Thompson on this one.

And you can bring dinner home from the cafeteria for DJ.

We won't be home for dinner. We've got to prep lunch every night for the next

day. What?

Well, who's going to watch TJ?

I'll just think.

Oh, yeah, you said it was a good punishment.

Well, that was before it inconvenienced me.

Looks like you need to hire a babysitter, Dad. I don't need a

you do.

Dad, I know this girl, April, who could sit the hell out of TJ.

Why would I pay for a babysitter when I've got you for free?

Uh, because my band's rehearsing every night this week.

I thought your band broke up because Mr. Gamble wants to park his car in the

garage.

No, no, no, no. We're back together and we need to rehearse because we're

working on our new song.

Love, Dog.

Give me the sitter's number. And it's coming out of your allowance.

Dad, are you drinking beer now?

Yeah. It's 5 p .m. I've had a long day.

No, you haven't. You just woke up.

You're working the night shift, remember?

All right.

See you at breakfast.

Love you.

You're matting down my best feature.

I don't know. I think you have nice eyes.

Thank you, Kyle.

These clothes are suffocating my hands.

We have to wear them for sanitary reasons.

Get that out of there.

Oh, now you're going to need a new glove.

You better change this one, too.

Why? What were you doing with it?

Just change it.

we have three bean soup, sloppy joes, fish sticks, fish logs, and pudding.

You mean pudding?

You can't legally call it pudding.

Step to the line, boys, and assume serving positions.

Hey, look at the pretty new lunch lady.

I'm not used to being laughed at, Sam. How do you handle it?

Just smile and pretend like it doesn't hurt. In a week, no one will ever

remember this.

The picture quality on those things isn't very good.

One for the school newspaper?

Angela. Hey, I'm a journalist first and a girlfriend second.

Nice. Hairnet savage.

How'd you like to have your head covered in pudding?

Pudding.

Pudding.

You can't physically assault the students.

We've looked into it.

Keep the line moving, kids.

And you're in salt short.

they'll be here all week.

Oh, see that guy right there?

He's part robot, part cyborg.

That's nice.

But what he doesn't know is that the girl is also a cyborg, but she's capable

human emotion.

Why don't you fast forward through those parts?

Hey, April.

Jack! What are you doing home?

Oh, my band practice was canceled, but I thought I'd stay and help you out. That

kid's a ball of energy.

Thanks.

Man, TJ, you look tired.

Doesn't TJ look tired, April?

Oh, yeah.

He sure does.

What? It's only 7 o 'clock.

You sure it's not, uh, 10 o 'clock?

No, it feels later.

More like 20 o 'clock.

All right.

Good night.

You know, your dad hired me every night this week. Only the best for TJ.

Can I have a glass of water?

Shut up!

There is so much food on the floor, and this better be creamed corn or else I'll

never stop throwing up.

What kind of moron puts your tray in the garbage?

You do it all the time. Oh, yeah, when I do it, it's funny. Does this look funny

to you?

What in time?

Yes. Finally.

For us, not for you.

That was a cruel mislead, Doris.

There's only one more thing you gotta do, then you can go home.

What's that?

Prepare 900 chicken pot pies for tomorrow.

We don't know how to cook. You don't have to do any cooking. All you have to

is cut up some vegetables.

900 times.

lot of onions in this chicken pot pie.

I'll say.

What are you crying for? You're peeling carrots.

You're so unhappy.

I am so happy.

You want a bite?

So, TJ, how'd it go with the babysitter last night?

On a scale of one to ten, it was a twenty.

You know, I've been thinking.

Maybe you're old enough to stay home by yourself without a sitter. No, no.

I get scareded.

Scareded?

Yeah, she thinks she has a monster in her closet.

I don't want to get killeded.

and you can keep the babysitter.

Morning.

Whoa.

You sound like sponge and onions.

No, that's them. I'm sponge and carrots.

My feet are killing me from all the standing.

Does this look like a varicose vein to you?

The only good thing about this job is the hair net.

Look what I did with mine.

All the other dogs think he's in a gang.

Why are we washing these anyways? Those stupid, ungrateful little jerks are just

going to throw them in the trash again.

We've got a surprise for you.

There's no fish in the fish sticks. We figured it out.

Nope.

Official lunch lady shoes.

funny. Like the hairnets aren't bad enough.

Just put them on.

These are wonderful.

My arches have never had this kind of support. Never.

It's like God is licking my feet.

It's like I'm walking on babies.

Big, fat, happy babies.

It's what gets us through the week.

It sure ain't the money.

You're not kidding.

I accidentally spilled your purse and opened your wallet and looked at your

paycheck. You're getting screwed.

And you guys still bought us these shoes?

Oh, we're sorry we act like such jerks every day.

Yeah.

Sorry for always making that joke about the crapperoni and sneeze.

Get it?

Why you boys aren't so bad?

We just get a little cranky sometimes.

At least you talk to us once in a while.

To most kids, we're just a hairnet and a ladle.

With a sunny disposition.

Chicken fart man's here.

Enjoy the shoes, boys.

You know, we should talk to the principal about getting those ladies a

It's too late for talk.

I think we stab him with this carrot.

Why not just stab him with this?

Nobody's stabbing the principal.

Then you've got to talk to him, Sam.

No, I'm already... in enough trouble as it is, okay? I just want to do my time

and get out of here.

Well, that's it, Sam.

Walk away.

Walk away in the comfortable shoes those poor sweet women gave you.

Yeah, fine way to support them after they support your arches.

There's your babysitter. Get lost.

No, I'm not going to sleep tonight, Jack. The last couple nights I slept 33

hours.

I've got bed sores.

All right, what do you want?

I want to go to the movies.

I want a king -size candy bar.

And I want to take a taxi.

Go!

Out the back door?

Hey, and be home by 10.

What? I worry.

Hi, Jack.

Hey, April.

Where's TJ?

I read him goodnight moon and tucked him in. Did you bring your mouth?

Oh, yeah.

Wait. Tonight, please check on T .J. I mean, your dad did hire me to babysit.

No, if you startle him, he'll wet the bed.

Will not.

He was in front of the house trying to flag down a taxi.

What? What's going on? I thought you tucked him in.

I did.

What did you do?

You got April over here just so you could make out with her.

Don't worry, she's getting paid for it.

Well, say goodbye to it.

And no, you can't watch me walk away.

What the hell do you think you're doing, Jack?

You know, I think the bigger question is, why aren't you at work?

That is not the bigger question.

It's a question.

If I were you?

I'd be scareded.

Sam, we appreciate what you've done, but there's no way he's going to give it

the raise.

Hey, it's worth a shot.

It's nice of you to wear the shoes in solidarity.

Are you kidding? We love these.

Yeah.

Looks like these shoes rock.

Let's make this fast. Mr. Savage, I'm supposed to be having my picture taken

with that exchange student from Who Cares, a stand.

I'll get right to the point.

You wanted us to learn how hard these women work, and we have.

We've also learned that they're severely underpaid.

So, we're asking you to look into your budget and into your heart and correct

this injustice.

You know, you're right, Mr. Savage.

These ladies are the backbone of the school.

Let me crunch the numbers and I'll get back to you.

Thanks, Phil.

How could you fire the lunch ladies and replace them with vending machines?

Cheaper.

You can't just replace hot cooked meals with cold manufactured product.

The kids are not going to put up with this.

Enjoy, kids.

I'm so sorry, but this is not over.

Okay, when I get mad, I'm like a pit bull. Ask anybody in the ping pong club.

Relax, Sam.

The cafeteria at the State Prison has been wooing us for years.

Well, we're really going to miss you.

Odds are we'll be serving food to at least one of you again.

My money's on you.

Get it?

It's a date.